China Romance
All About China => Share your love story => Topic started by: David E on May 05, 2010, 06:22:01 am
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I was so angry to read a post in another thread about the so-called attitude of Chinese Women towards finding a Western Husband.....and rather than hijack somebody elses thread, I thought I would start one of my own so I could have a rant about this mis-conception.
It was suggested that Chinese Women looking for a Western Husband are looking for a meal ticket for life and that we should not take any sh*t from these "princesses" who are out to rip us off.......
On behalf of my Ming...here is her reply....:
"I spend a lot of my time in a panic to learn good English in the hope that when I get to Australia to be with my beloved David I will be clever enough to get a job so that I can feel I make a financial contribution to our relationship"
And here are my comments on her views....:
I know that this woman would crawl over broken glass to make our life together easy and happy, I know that she will work heroically to make this happen. This is a humbling experience for me and I will support her to the absolute limits of my own ability.
Despite her misgivings, I can tell you all that she owns 2 apartments in Chengdu that she will sell before she leaves for Australia.
This should make her somewhere in the order of 800,000 RMB and together with her savings she will bring about 1,000,000 RMB to Australia !!!!...not bad from a "poverty stricken lady looking for a permanent meal-ticket" !!
It matters not to her that I have more money than we can spend in 2 lifetimes...she is dedicated to contribute all she can to our future.
Is this one of those "gold-diggers" referred to........I think not !!!
Such words as spoken in the other post are offensive and dangerous...and so far from the truth to be utterly misleading
David
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I think that todays remarks will have caused much more offence than any other thoughtless comments made by this individual in the past. And there have been plenty of them over the past months especially since someone apparently stood on his toy train!
I just hope the moderators do not remove the offending posting otherwise this thread will not have a great deal of meaning to anyone just coming to it later.
Let the comments flow for or against (I doubt if he will get many of support) but at least with Teds thread and this one we are likely to have a lot more movement on the forum.
Willy
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I agree wholeheartedly with David...Insulting and childish....
My lady is like Davids wife, she works her socks off everyday, knows my financlial position and does not want me to spend anything on her. She is concerned that we will be financially stable once married, and has already talked about finding work once we do.
Gold diggers...I think not...
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Censorship is a slippery slope.
But, on topic: Nina and I had a failed relationship. I just want to say that she offered to send me back all the gifts I had given her. I of course refused. She was in no way in it for the money or a meal ticket - her life is busy and difficult and tiring, yet she is very proud of her accomplishments and very proud of her lifestyle and culture.
As a group, we encounter a wide range of ladies. Sure, someone is bound to run across the odd scammer or gold digger. There's a bad apple in every bunch. One thing I have learned is that you can't blindly place labels on any demographic. To do so is to teeter dangerously close to the edge of racism and bigotry.
Other than to say: Chinese ladies are beautiful. :icon_cheesygrin:
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David - I agree with you 101%. Before we were married, my wife refuses to take money from me. She said I will only spend my husband's money, you are only my boyfriend (at the time). After we got married, she still refuses to take money from me!!!! I have to literally force her to take money from me.
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As a group, we encounter a wide range of ladies. Sure, someone is bound to run across the odd scammer or gold digger. There's a bad apple in every bunch. One thing I have learned is that you can't blindly place labels on any demographic. To do so is to teeter dangerously close to the edge of racism and bigotry.
Neil hit it right on the dot. The individual who made the statement on Chinese women can interchange the word "Chinese" with "Japanese, Thai, Russian" etc etc etc ... He might as well write "all women". The fact that he's looking in Japan right now ... he's fooling himself. He's always going to have this attitude in the back of his mind.
One's own bad experience or perceived experience does not indicate the whole group's.
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Of course there are women that are looking for a meal ticket? An easier life, I don't doubt there are. Not mine and I would say not ours for the others posting here. I have read these same statements about gold diggers in other "forums" and heard it from other people. I defend my stance that not ALL are.
Like David E's my lady owns a few places. When she does move here to the states, if she sells them or keeps them is up to her, their hers, as far as I'm concerned. I also know if I dropped a load of cash in her lap it wouldn't be spent, she's not a princess. I am not stupid enough to find and fall for a woman that is out for money only. Any woman wants to be financially stable in marriage. But it is not the main objective.
I take the other thread not as insulting but an opinion. Same as the other sites and family members. I will continue on proving them wrong.
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I can honestly say that my wife was also not looking for a meal ticket. Quite simply, she was looking for happiness. Before I married her, she owned two successful business' in Guangzhou. One was a manicure shop, and one was a beauty salon. Both were fairly close to each other. I don't know exactly how much money she made, but I do know that when her parents bought a new home, she gave her parents half of the money to purchase the place. And by Chinese standards, this is a very modern three bedroom home.
While she ran her two business', she employed at least 6 women that I saw. In anticipation of moving to Canada, she sold her shops, and has focused her time learning English. I suspect that if I asked her the same question David E did, I would probably get a very similar answer.
I also have to agree with what Neil said. Statements like this are bordering on racism and bigotry. Is my wife a gold digger? Absolutely not! She has stood by me while the economy fell apart in North America (and globally), which because of my line of work, has delayed our immigration process considerably. If she was digging for gold, she would have bailed a year ago, in search of someone with more money than me. She would not have given up her successful business' either. She would not have dedicated so much of her everyday life to learning English. Looking for happiness and a life long partner does not equate to being a gold digger in my estimation.
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Okay Brett's statement "A Western husband is a meal ticket for life. We should not be putting up with any ?#%! from ladies who think they are princesses." although flamatory, also had a partial truth. But that was only the last part of his statement - the part of not putting up with princesses. I agree with that part. But since most roads are a two way street - although in China sometimes 4 ways :icon_cheesygrin:, the ladies neither need to put up with any of us Dandies. I can also imagine that many Westernmen are not meal tickets but narrow minded individuals looking for what they are told are obidient servants.
I have enjoyed Bretts narratives on his Japan trip and sometimes find he has pearls of wisdom to offer - but just like a real pearl -Natural pearls are formed when a microscopic irritant or parasite enters a bivalve mollusk accidentally and settles inside the shell - he does irritate people.
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Yes,
making wild and unfounded generalisations about an entire nation of people or even an entire subcontinent of people is certainly not the kind of tolerant forum most of us are looking for. Whether you are talking about Chinese women, Indian people, Haitian people, Western women or Chinese men, basing your generalisations on your bad experiences or on anecdotal evidence is not exactly an intelligent reaction.
I might even venture to say that this forum has lost one of its most valuable contributors when we forgot to exercise just this tolerance.
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are there women looking for meal tickets---SURE are there princesses--- ABSOLUTELY but as it has been
said there are those everywhere and in every country. to paint the whole picture black is just pure wrong.
and when it doesnt work absolutely it is on both parties whether the language barrier or even the expectations
from one or both parties.
but i would think if you wanted to generalize something and put a lot of blame on why many dont work WHAT
about the agencies themselves?? wouldnt you think if you actually fish boned the problem and picked it apart
then i would think a lot falls on the AGENCIES and the TRANSLATORS that are employed by them. and i would
suspect and fully assume that they do not act on their own as one is told when they get caught with their pants
down. the agency will tell you that the translator will be dealt with yea right probably told to be more careful
next time. what about the women who are on some agencies that are just PICS and nothing else. so i think the root
cause of most of these bad tastes that people get are generated by the AGENCIES and not the actual women themselves
and as far as looking for a BETTER LIFE ------ arent we all doing that????? living here and working here i see the
discrimination all the time so what choices do they have but to search and try to find a better LIFE and a LOVE of
their life outside the country. i dont think they should be put down for that.
sometimes i believe that when people start this journey they dont think about all the SACRIFICES that are needed to
be done to make it succeed and when you dont have that open mind and are willing to SACRIFICE yourself then right
away it becomes the womens fault and she is the problem. the bar of expectations should be set so that BOTH parties
SACRIFICE in the journey. WHEN you DONT do that then you get the close minded comments that the women are
golddiggers or just want this and that never does that person look at themselves and say WOW maybe i should have
done something different. they just throw the blame at the opposing person.
PATIENCE, UNDERSTANDING, SACRIFICES are what is needed to make this a successful journey!!!
for all the new ones starting remember this at all times and you will be fine!!!!!
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Does anyone actually listen or take notice of anything the perpetrator of this thread has ever posted here?? Unlike Rhonald, ....I have never once seen any ''pearls of wisdom'' coming out of this guy!!
Like all people that think so highly of themselves, this guy has never listened to a single word of wisdom from the brotherhood, unless it tied in with what he was saying in the first place....
It will not matter one jot, whether he looks for Japanese ladies or Chinese ladies, or any other nationality, with his attitude he will find nothing, except possibly the gold diggers he talks so much about!!!
One thing he should realise, the Japanese ladies have had far more exposure and experience of western men than the Chinese ladies have, and they know how to use it too...lol!!!
One thing is for sure, he lives in his own little world, where he is King, and where he can look down on others. He thinks he's smart, and if he is, ...it sure don't include ''Street Smarts''
The Brothers here should not have to substantiate that your wives, fiances, ladies are not gold diggers to this guy!! I'm most certainly am Not!! Besides he's never listened to you before, so why would you think he will start now??
David.......
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My issue is similar to David. Why do we feel the need to defend and say what the ladies are NOT!!!! Again there are two ways of looking at everything and everybody. One is to look at what they are, and another way is to look at what they are not. The very name of this thread is a negative way to look at life and ladies. I do not have to defend my wife, or ask that she defend me. All I have to do is love and accept the lady as she is. Nothing more, nothing less. David is right, this person is so full of himself and so empty of goodness, that he will never find happiness without first looking within. I like the spirited debates we have had in the past. But in those debates, we were all in a positive position, looking for what is good and the best in each other and others. I refuse to debate this issue, in a negative way. I refuse to debate the qualities of my wife. I have a great treasure, the love of a beautiful lady. I dare say the person in Japan, will never have the piece of mind and clarity of heart to have the same.
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I've just re-read Philips post, and i'm now intriged as to who the Forum has lost, and why??
Perhaps you can expand on this Philip??
David....
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The purpose of opening this thread was NOT to justify how good are our Chinese lovelies :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
It was an attempt by me to put something on the record about my own Lady, so that newbies looking in would not be influenced by a general accusation that Chinese women were looking for a meal ticket.
I felt pretty sure that many other Bros can also testify as to the integrity and honesty of their Ladies.
To leave an allegation of such deception on the part of Chinese women un-challenged would give the wrong message to anyone beginning this journey.
There are many of us here who have met Chinese women and the relationship did not succeed at the first....or in somecases more.....attempt.
I dont remember reading about anybody who claimed that the failed relationships were due to the Lady in question being a gold-digger and just looking for a meal ticket.
Of course, there are such women out there....not only Chinese...and there are some bad guys also. So always the advice here is about keeping eyes and ears open, be careful and there are many, many such bits of good advice throughout the Forum....but not to be put off by generalisations about all Chinese women.
We post continually about this search being difficult and expensive for all sorts of reasons, I felt very strongly that we should not give the impression that the difficulties were all about money !!!
David
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Just wanted to say that this forum has given me more information than anywhere on the inrenet I have learned from other peoples experiences what to look for what not to look for.I am very glad and aprecative for this site and all the people who have taken time to post their experiences whether good or bad Thank you all for the information and the stories and the humor as well
Ron
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sometimes we will not agree with what one member has posted but i dont think we
need to chastize them personally for making the statement but rather make the
appropriate comments in regard to what they have posted. you know as to why we
disagree. bashing the poster is not constructive and there is really no need for it.
some people just have different views on certain happenings in their life and that is
there god given right to do so or to have and when posted here we should as a group
collectively refute what they said without making it a personal attack
ok just my thoughts
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I might even venture to say that this forum has lost one of its most valuable contributors when we forgot to exercise just this tolerance.
I was not going to say anything on this thread because many of you already know my thoughts about Brett. However, Philip, you are certainly not talking about Brett are you? Most valuable contributors? I hope you mean China Shark.
I think most have discounted what Brett says. His offensive comments were more of the same kind of stuff that has spewed from his mind from the beginning. So not much has changed.
Today was the first time I have seen him in another light though. It is kind of sad. His last comment was him justifying himself and telling us we are all wrong.
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Some of you may be wondering why Paul Todd hasn't posted for a long time. Some people leave this site kicking and screaming about the damage caused to their ego when someone disagrees with their worldview. Others, like Paul, leave in a quiet, dignified way when he is disheartened by some of the general views expressed. I hope he doesn't mind me speaking for him.
In my view this debate is not just about the offence caused to our spouses and partners. Implying that Chinese women are golddiggers offends all Chinese women. It is all too easy to make sweeping generalisations about a group of people who are not us. Brett feels qualified to make these comments about Chinese women because he had one bad experience and because he has left the dream of China behind and thinks the grass is greener in Japan. But until he stops taking easy shots at an entire group of people, rather than reflect upon his own actions, he will not really evolve and he is doomed to keep repeating the same mistakes.
I hope for myself that I will be able to leave my prejudices at the door and take people as I find them.
My two cents
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I wasn't going to say anything however whoever wrote that was very depressed, and burned out on women. The ranting showed
that if read carefully, this person has been burned and is taking it out on the forum. I have never met nor have I ever found a
Chinese person that does not work their asses off, trying to make all ends meet just like the rest of us. I for one have a lot of
respect for them.
As for people leaving the forum, lets not forget it is summer. There are a lot of "other" things to do out there other than sitting
on a computer all day. Like swimming, fishing, hiking and all the other outdoor sports. It's just a lul because of the weather. I
wouldn't get to excited over it. Get out and get a tan so you look like Juan the pool boy. Those jailhouse-tans arn't getting it...:icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
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Holy crap! What happened? Take a week off and all hell breaks loose. What did Brett say now and in which thread? I take it he had some comments about his experiences with chinese women. I had one bad experience with one chinese woman but I would never try to suggest they are all the same. Yes, the one I went to meet was a gold digger but I would never suggest they are all the same just because of her. There is a little more to the story than just this though.
Dave C
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I might even venture to say that this forum has lost one of its most valuable contributors when we forgot to exercise just this tolerance.
I sure hope Paul Todd does return. I totally agree with you at how valuable his articules are. I haven't stopped eating apples yet and I sure hope Paul can look past the few rotten apples that fall far from the tree. Not all of us here make fruit cakes.
Thanks Phillip for sharring and if you have personal contact to Paul then give him my best.
But if he has decided to part ways then I wish him well. After all, he did have a way with Hats :icon_cheesygrin:
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I knew exactly who Philip was talking about and I seen the reply from another, on this issue...Paul Todd is a good guy! Unfortunately there are those that , in their own minds, know it all...WRONG!!!! Then there are the Brett's.over-moderate true posts and leave this person to post. David E. I agree with your thread and I wish you the best!
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Then there are the Brett's.over-moderate true posts and leave this person to post. David E. I agree with your thread and I wish you the best!
Over moderate what posts? Be more specific. i am tired of people being able to hurl shit without pointing to something a little more specific.
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Martin,
Mike makes a good point. But this is for another thread.
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For what it is worth bretts comments about gold diggers wasnt very apropriate.This isnt getting anyone anywhere.Obviouslt he was out of line and he should have a pologised for his comments about women in china wanting a meal ticket.That should have been an opinion he kept to himself.To see how upset everyone is is a very sad thing.I guess even posting on this sunject is sad that it has to come down to this.If its joking thats fine if it has to do with constructive advice that should be fine.I hope we can get beyond this guys its not worth losing friends over.Thats my take on it from what I have read.I dont mean to be little anyone or disrepect anyone but this should be a closed subject it isnt helping anyone is it? Thanks for your time Ron
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C'mon ! Brett is not the President or the Chairman of the Federal Reserve ! There's no real need to analyze and debate and prove or disprove one of his many comments, eh? Actually Brett's statement may even be meant as flamebait to liven up this forum. If that is his real intent, then Brett is a genius. He's created almost as much controversy as if somebody wrote : "Brett is a Brat" (is he?:icon_biggrin:)
Any logician will know that when you say "all chinese women are gold diggers", just one contrary example can prove them wrong.
Same for the statement that all foreigners are meal tickets.... heck, look at all them poor Greeks, their country is damn near bankrupt.... and so many unemployed Americans too....
As for the third part, of course we shouldn't put up with any "princesses", and I take it he equates the term with pampered gold diggers. The only interesting point for debate is what constitutes a gold digger?
Is Zhang Ziyi one? She is worth millions, probably richer than most of us here, but she hangs out with an Isreali billionaire.... hmm. Frankly, my deah, I don't give a damn ! I almost wish she would post a profile on CHN just so Brett can be her meal ticket :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
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Gold Diggers!!
Sure they are out there. Some are not really gold diggers. They are simply women that want a better way of life. and they find a western man that can support her and make her happy.
She could not find this in her own Country. And she loves this man and will stay with him and love him for all of his life. As he will do for her.
The love is there and it is genuine. and both people are truly happy, And will live a good life together.
And this woman is called a gold digger simply because she started out poor.
My wife was very poor. But I love her just as much regardless. In fact i am happy I can make this woman so happy. She certainly makes me happy.
The love is genuine. You don't find this very often.
So stop worry about your damn money.
Accept the priceless love the woman wants to give you.
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I find this funny. I assume Brett made some stupid comment again. Nothing new. And yes he doesnt listen to a word no one says. Been watching it. Seen it with my own eyes. Only reason i assume he made the comments. Is well he got bit. We saw the slap in the face post bout his girl doing wrong but he such an angel in disguise. People posted anyway. Instead of leaving it alone. And maybe letting him fade away. Then the Japan report comes to play. Mainly photos of the land around. Ok to post. No one minded. Till he struck again. And noticed this posting. Amusing. But eh whatever. Now i gotta go to my limited internet. Since internet in Wendover NV DOES not exist for me. Unless i go out of the way to make it happen. Hehe.
I find this funny. I assume Brett made some stupid comment again. Nothing new. And yes he doesnt listen to a word no one says. Been watching it. Seen it with my own eyes. Only reason i assume he made the comments. Is well he got bit. We saw the slap in the face post bout his girl doing wrong but he such an angel in disguise. People posted anyway. Instead of leaving it alone. And maybe letting him fade away. Then the Japan report comes to play. Mainly photos of the land around. Ok to post. No one minded. Till he struck again. And noticed this posting. Amusing. But eh whatever. Now i gotta go to my limited internet. Since internet in Wendover NV DOES not exist for me. Unless i go out of the way to make it happen. Hehe.
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Larry
Whatever were Brett's motives in saying such an irresponsible thing about Chinese women and meal tickets and Princesses does not matter, only he knows exactly why he said such things..
Most of the experienced Bros will treat such words with a laugh !!
But please dont miss the point here...........there are many Newbies who look in the the Forum from time to time and use it for information as they begin this complex task of finding and winning a Chinese wife.
After all, all of us were Newbies at some stage and gobbled up all the information that we could read here and used it (or not !!).
We should remember our responsibility to them and not let them get scared or confused that Chinese women, in general, are a risk financially.
Dont forget also, that if we were talking about Russian women, the comment would probably be more correct.....but I am sure that the vast majority of Chinese women dont fit this category....and I personally didnt want it to go unanswered.
David
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the motive is imaterial it was made and for someone new here they
might have second thoughts which is why this thread needed to be here
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I'm not going to comment any more on this subject, as I think everyone has proved their point. :angel: