China Romance
All About China => Share your love story => Topic started by: Philip on July 04, 2009, 04:53:02 am
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[attachment=243]Dear friends,
I'm back! For those of you who don't know, I went to Changsha at the end of May, got scammed by a bad agency, found a good one and fell in love with China.
On returning to England, I wrote to four ladies, 2 from the good Changsha agency, P218, 2 from elsewhere. The 2 others I told I wanted to have direct contact via QQ after an exchange of 10 letters or so, citing my negative experiences in Changsha. One of the ladies never replied, the other sent me a long and positive response, respecting my honesty. Lovely lady. Of the Changsha ladies, one was quickly becoming my favourite and we became serious - Zhimei is 34, divorced with 1 son. So I wrote to the 2 other ladies to say sorry, but I have found someone.
Because she is from an agency I trust, I am less suspicious and less testing of her than I was with the others. But I am also more sure that I want to spend my life with a lady from China. I will be visiting Zhimei in Changsha in October. I sent Zhimei a request for direct contact a couple of weeks into our correspondence, the whole deal, phone, QQ, webcam. She had said that she seldom used QQ, was scared to talk on the phone, the agency didn't have a webcam and she was very busy finding work in another city. But I told her it was important to me and went on a bit of a love rant. I thought maybe I'd come on a bit too strong, but the next day, this mysterious lady with the same birthday as my Zhimei, requested QQ contact and suddenly appeared on a webcam. Shock! The naughty woman was playing a game with me. Still, she wouldn't say who she was, like I didn't know. You couldn't remove the smile from my face with a crowbar.:icon_cheesygrin:
Since then, we have had a two and a half hour webcam chat, all arranged by her at an internet cafe, daily QQ chats, EMF letters every other day, and maybe phone call soon. She works long hours, so it isn't easy for her to contact me.
I read everyone's posts religiously and I am saddened by some others' recent experiences. I hope everyone will receive the happiness they deserve, happiness I am feeling right now.
Oh, did I mention I proposed to Zhimei and she accepted? Another Changsha wedding? This is getting ridiculous.
Alex:heart:
By the way, I have taken advice from discussions about direct contact, QQ's, language barrier, parental approval, etc., all of which have helped me a lot. For example, here is a little to and fro in our correspondence about family approval over the last couple of weeks:
Alex - Have you told them about us? Do they have feelings about marriage to someone who is not Chinese? I am worried that they might not approve of me; I know how important family approval is in China. For myself, I know that my family will love you because they will see how happy I am and they will know it is you who has made me happy.
Zhimei - Honey, actually, my father and my brother are against me to marry abroad, because they worry if my husband do not treat me well, it will be extremely hard for me. Because I have no relatives there. Maybe everything will be strange for me. They worry too much. I am trying to persuade them. Because I say you are a very good man. Right now they are neutral.
Alex - You can tell your father and brother that I will never mistreat you.
Zhimei - Honey, I know you are also very serious to our relationship. My father and my brothers will feel easy after my telling them what kind of a man you are.
Alex - Thank you for speaking to your family. In England, there is an expression when people get married. To the parents of the bride: ‘You are not losing a daughter, you are gaining a son’. I have faith that you can ease their minds about me.
Zhimei - Honey, please do not worry, I believe my father and my two brothers can understand me. They will be happy to have another son.
pps, sorry about the monster photo
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Good to hear your experience with P218, I'd love to be able to tell my story with them but I could get someone in trouble if the site is being monitored, lets just say a big up's to P218.
Please tell, what is Changsha like, probably going there mid August.
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Hi,
Changsha is great. Ask Peter, who is getting married there this month or Martin. It has nature (Yuelu mountain), history (Hunan museum), great food, karaoke, an amazing national park (Zhangjiajie, not far away) and beautiful and friendly women.
I am in regular QQ contact with a couple of the P218 translators and couple of the ladies I met when I was there. You intrigue me with your 'story'.
Alex
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Good Man Alex ... Always nice to read a positive story ... in your case, you made something happen out of nothing. Congratulations !!! :angel: All the best to you & Zhimei !!!
Sorry Martin ... now there's "TWO Z's" from Hunan.
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Hey Alex, I am very glad to read that it finally worked out for you! I know the feeling, me and my lady went away from the EMF after 5 weeks even though she doesn't speak english! The online translator work mostly fine and then copy the text into QQ. I wish you and your lady all the best my friend! :icon_biggrin:
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Alex, its good to hear you have someone, Congrats on your ..E... good luck and best wishes :icon_cheesygrin:
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From:@ to :icon_cheesygrin: in a short time ... super ! Congrat's on the Engagement to ZhiMei , These Story's make the Forum proud .
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I congratulate you to have become a Fan of Changsha :icon_cheesygrin: We could start a Fan club about Ladies from Changsha. I think Changsha is a very nice city and most of all it is clean as far as I have seen. I hope you visited the Martyrs Park just beside The Museum. I guess there wasn't as much flowers as when I visited it in April.. I understand that you also love the food. I told my Lady that the first thing we are going to do when I come, the same evening I hope, will be to go out and eat Hot Pot.
Next time you visit try to rent an apartment like I do. It is much cheaper that a hotel and you will get more space. Last time my apartment cost 125 yuan / night instead of a hotel that is somewhere between 280 - 450 yuan and the apartment had 2 rooms. My Lady have rented a apartment by the river this year.
We are planning to go to Zhangjiajie too but I guess the weather will make up the decisions when to go.. We are also going to visit Phoenix Town and the South Chinese wall.. A little more of traveling this time.
Today it is only 8 days before I will sit on the plane to London.... and then to Hong Kong... and Changsha :heart::heart::heart:
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so happy to hear that Alex....Congrats mate
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This is great news to hear. Congratz!!
BTW - my new mother is still afraid I will beat my wife. I think most families fear of their daughters being beaten by their husbands, not just by westerners either. Don't let it worry ya. Time overcomes this fear of theirs.
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Alex,
Don't you think your jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire??
You say that you got scammed at the end of May, we are now only in very early July, and you've already proposed to a new lady!!!! Call me old fashioned, or call me whatever you like.... but that's just ridiculous mate. Did you meet her while you were in China? It's not clear if you did or not in your post.
Don't get me wrong, i feel like all the other replies you have had about being scammed. But to just propose to a lady in a matter of a few weeks, just beggars belief. You can't possibly know her well enough in that amount of time to even think about marriage, especially if you "haven't" met her...... Did it not cross your mind, to take things a bit more slowly this time Alex?. What the hell happens, if when you go back over there, and you, or she finds that there's no chemistry there, or things just don't work out for you both?? Are you going to do the self same thing yet again??
Look, I'm pleased for you, that you've found what seems to be a suitable lady for you ..... But Please stand back a bit and look at what you are doing. Use a bit of your life's experience (wisdom) and a good bit of common sense.......
David ......
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Well Alex you must be doing something right, Zhimei has a big smile on her face in that photo. Congrats!!
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Love comes in all forms and time frames . There really isn't a written rule ... this is how long and you MUST see her first .
As we all get to know each other here in the Hood , we have a chance to experience different relationships develope from short to long .. easy and the hard .. the first Lady or many other's .. before you land or should say take off , with the one that's for you .
This is one of my most " Get me angry " opinion , can't fall in Love before ... blah blah blah ... seeing her first ! SAY"S WHO ???
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Alex,
Congrats! Your lady is beautiful with a fantastic smile! Have much fun!!
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It's to each there own.
Some fall very fast others in a lengthier time frame. If it's meant to be it will. Who's to say? I know all feel they need to help but this is what he has chosen. Let him live it.
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Yeah..... and only FOOLS rush in where angels fear to tread!!
david.....
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Arnold,
You always seem to bring your wife into discussions relating to this sort of topic.
The fact that you could possibly have made every mistake in the book and still came out on top, does not detract away from you encouraging others to make the same judgments you made. To virtually pat Alex on the back on this occassion is irresponsible on your part and encourages others to follow suite. Everything wrote in my post above is using the commonsense and life experience I've gained over the many years of traveling and working overseas. ( many of those years based in China) Including finding and living with my own Chinese partner for 2 years. What is your encouragement to Alex based on Arnold?? ....LOOK!! ..It worked for me ??
You can get angry all you like Arnold, you asked Say's Who??, ......Say's simple and basic commonsense that's who, Your mindset is wrong!! Your basing your success on your failings, instead of your own pure luck..... and it was just that, ...Luck!!
I would think that one of the main aims of this forum, is to stop guys falling into these mind traps, where they fall in love with an image on a piece of paper and the image of a dream life, based on the written word. When in fact, it's just a form of courtship, where you should be spending the time getting to know each other through communicating ( by whatever means is available to you ), the more you know ....the more you can be sure in your own mind that this is the right or wrong person for me. Meeting the lady at some time along your journey will also confirm or not if this woman is the right one for you, and also hopefully your the right one for her. Fine, so now start talking about getting married if that's what you both want...
There are four main things that will get the guys on chnlove to where they want to be in the future, and they are using Commonsense, using Communication, using there life experience (wisdom) and Yes, ...also a good chunk of Luck. ( luck is party for the chemistry being right between you ) Rely on luck alone, and your just asking for trouble down the line.....
Arnold, you give a lot of good advice out, here and at CL . The only area where i can not agree with you, is in this area of quick time Internet falling in love. ...It worked for me, isn't a basis to encourage others. For them, it could be devastating, and a pot load of money down the drain!!
David......
PS : I know your going to be mad, and come back flaming, but I'm ready to counter any and all accusations you want to fire my way....
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Arnold had a very good experience, as have many men on here. If things feel right you have to invest your heart into the situation. As for me, stuff went south pretty fast, but I ended up with a great friend from the situation. As for the money, the trip I took barely cost me 3 grand, I spend more than that when I go to Europe, so it was a grand vacation.
Sometimes you just have to take a situation and turn it around, he had a viable experience, found a lady, and can march on in the situation he wants to be in. As for me, I am in a similar boat, except I got to spend a few hours a day in between my girls work, and sleep period, she is very sweet, very kind and extremely traditional. If someone can turn their situation around, reguardless of the circumstances, so be it, if it feels right, beyond cost, beyond reality, the only way to do something in life is to take a chance and run at it. Even now I realize my situation may not work, staying grounded to reality is the only protection, it does not stop me from investing the time, emotion and money to know her. I dont think any man needs to be reminded that stuff can go south, and things may not go according to plan. Especially if they have any grounds in common sense or reality.
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well David, telling someone that they are wrong to have feelings like Alex has is wrong also, no matter what we all think or feel or think we know or don't know, Alex has made his decision and he has to live with it right or wrong, all we should be doing is encouraging him and giving him a hand when or id he needs or wants it, not brow beating him with what we think he should do or feel.
I didn't know this site had become this bad so fast and if it continues like this I for one will leave, this is not a threat, this is just a statement on my part, I have been here because of the brotherhood and I enjoy the advice we give and get, but this fighting and arguing is nonsence, it is counter productive and a waiste of time, I know we will have arguements because we are all different and have had different lives but come on people what did our mothers tell us?, " If you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all " , Lets all just grow up.
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Jadams79,
Firstly your opinion here on Alex. If you call jumping out of the frying pan and straight into the fire as turning his situation round, that's the daftest thing I've heard for a very long time. You guys should be reminding him that one of the important things in life, is trying, or in fact making sure you don't make the same mistake twice..... and here you all are patting him on the back for doing just that!! ....incredible !!
As for Arnold, he may well have a lot of experience, but his experience in this case is based on his luck, and that's not any sort of experience to be passed on here to others.
The monetary terms may not be a problem for you , but well could be for others here. The more important thing, is the possible devastation it can bring to a guy here, and that may well be coupled with the money side of things too.
Please don't get me wrong here, i am quite aware that everyone is different, and have different capabilities, but that's no reason to encourage others down a dangerous path. I have nothing whatsoever against Arnold either. What i am saying is, that in this case he is Dead Wrong in his assumptions. I'm sure that he will come back to defend the indefensible. we'll just have to wait and see what his defence will be !!
David......
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Really its his decision, were here to support him in any situation. I'm speaking from the benefit of my own personal experience, what are you speaking from? I also stated directly, my own personal caution. So daft or not, read the words for exactly what I wrote, again we already know the potential downfalls, I bet he plans his trip much different, his conversations to find out everything that is important. His words read as he is planning things in a manor to thwart any major problems, he's speaking with a new lady, that seems to fit him better, he wanted to share. Part of rationalizing and moving on.
I really do not think he needs us barking at him about securing every single detail. In the end it is the best anyone an hope for in this acquard search. Good, bad or indifferent we are here. Everything to make the best out of our situations is in these boards.
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David Why do you assume he doesn't know better? He did title this topic. You do not know what is being said in there letters. If they are understanding each other well or not. It's his to do what he wants. It's his plans to make.
As for you? You seem to be ready for a fight? Go cool off. There is no need to be so aggressive here. And because you are so new here, I'm letting you know before the name calling starts. It's not going to happen. So it's your choice now.
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I don't know about the rest of you but I have just made this a better place for me by blocking David5o, now I'm :icon_cheesygrin:
I forgot we could do this, not a permanent fix but good just the same
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Michael,
No-ones browbeating and no-ones fighting and a honest argument is good thing, not bad. If all the forum is for, is to pat each other on the back and encourage people to carry on making the same old mistakes over and over again, that's surely defeating the point ...isn't it ??
Your right everyone is different on here, and the forum is for discussions, there's no discussion if all agree with each other.. Your mother was talking to you as children Micheal, unfortunately the world out there ain't like that. Growing up is part of that process of living and surviving in the real world ....
I wasn't telling Alex he is wrong or right , i was asking or suggesting that he stand back a bit and take stock of himself..... is that a no,no on here ?? Please don't get me wrong , ....I'm pleased the guy has found a suitable lady for himself, and hope everything goes well for him, of that i really do!!
David.....
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I am inclined to agree to the advice that David provided. I think that it's good not to rush into these things. But there are ways of saying things, and whether or not it was intentional or not, it came across pretty aggressively.
While in my own situation I have acted cautiously and slowly, I am not sure whether it might have been better in my own situation to have acted a little more recklessly and carelessly.
I am wondering whether sometimes it is better to throw caution to the wind and go with your heart - sometimes two people are just ready to marry, and there's no point in just holding back for years and years.
There's a saying, marry at haste, repent at leisure. But I've also heard the opposite, marry at leisure, repent at haste. There's no assurance that taking years and years to get to know someone is going to provide you with any indication about how your marriage is going to go.
Sometimes when you don't take a relationship all the way, when you both are ready to take it there, to be married, you miss the boat, and the opportunity is lost.
If a good man marries a good woman, sometimes you get to know each other as you go along in the marriage.
A lot of cultures have arranged marriages (eg Indians). These arranged marriages don't work on the basis of you knowing each other very well. They work because the people involved in them are committed to the marriage and know how to behave in the marriage.
I have met some women who wished to meet someone and get married almost straightaway. I sometimes think about these women now and then. I once doubted their sincerity. I now doubt by doubt. Now I am in a relationship with a woman who in my opinion isn't really serious about getting married to me, or anyone else for that matter, and so I wonder to myself as I sleep alone month after month, what might have happened if I had taken the chance with one of the women who were ready to settle down.
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Hi guy's the way I see things is, it's Alex's dream,....And as Jadams79 infered, 'who are we' to tell him not too believe in it, we are all here to help each other in whatever route they take, no matter what we believe we are not here to castrate any one for their decision.
Alex go with your heart mate and the best of luck, I for one am supporting your decision, However, as others have also said with, have that little bit of caution in your mind...
David I'm not sure how long you have been on here or Chnlove for that matter, but I am sure that as in here, you 'will' have posted other derisory and aggressive comments, because I'm sure that I have read some of them, as Vince said go cool off.....
Your attack on arnold was WAY out of line, he has posted many good points here and they all come from his decision to marry his wife, yeah ok 'luck' may have been part of his way of getting a beautiful wife, but don't we all feel we are going to be as 'lucky' as him? And as for always mentioning her in his answers, he HAS the right to mention her, his answers (I think) are mainly due to his marrying a Chinese lady, so what's the beef?
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Hmm. It seems I HAVE jumped into a fire. This thread!
Amongst the many things I have learnt from going to China and from reading the posts on this forum, there has been one that has stood out. Not that there are good or bad agencies/translators/ladies. No, the most important thing I've learnt is that somewhere along the line I am required to make a leap of faith.
Arnold is not parading his good luck in front of us, he is merely allowing for the possibility that the leap of faith could come at any time. It seems that many of the guys here possess an UNcommon sense. Common sense doesn't put you on a plane to China.
Zhimei and I have made a leap of faith. It's not a desperate leap, it's a positive one. I have committed myself to her. She has committed herself to me. For life. We don't have a ticklist of why we are a good match, we just are. I can't prove it scientifically. There's chemistry. There's biology. There's physics. They can explain many things, but not how we feel.
Thank you for those of you who expressed encouraging words. What pleasantly surprises me most about this forum is the non-judgemental support. Men are often accused of not being able to listen without having to 'solve' people's problems. I, for one, am grateful that someone is there to listen and say, 'We're there for you'
Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name.
Cheers guys.
Alex
Danny, funny you should mention arranged marriages. I have been thinking of that. Sometimes it seems the Chnlove experience is two people looking for marriage, committing to each other, arranging it themselves, and getting the approval of the family.
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Vince,
What are you saying here, that no-ones allowed to give an opinion, for fear of being ganged up on??
What name calling are you on about, have i called anyone names here, ..... i don't think so!!
Maybe i am a tad aggressive when being cornered, we all have our own ways of dealing with life's little mishaps, but I'm far from aggressive in my nature. In fact I'd rather have a laugh and joke......
Look, I've replied to a posting, I've given my opinion and my reasons for that opinion. If his friends want to rubbish my opinion fine, but if i then point out the various aspects to my opinion, to those that disagree with me, .... i get ganged up on. What does that mean ?? Is there a clique of members on the site, where you can't discuss only conform ?? Tell me please, because i don't know, and i don't want to assume wrongly again.....
David.....
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oh wow
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What are you saying here, that no-ones allowed to give an opinion, for fear of being ganged up on??
Hey David, I am sorry that that is the way you feel. It wasn't my intention to act unpleasantly, even though I suppose that I too am part of that gang. I for one appreciate your opinion. And most of the time I agree with what you have written, and more importantly, I act in the way you suggested. I only said in passing that the way you expressed your opinion would be better if it were a little less in your face. So it's all fine now, okay?
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I am inclined to agree to the advice that David provided. I think that it's good not to rush into these things. But there are ways of saying things, and whether or not it was intentional or not, it came across pretty aggressively.
While in my own situation I have acted cautiously and slowly, I am not sure whether it might have been better in my own situation to have acted a little more recklessly and carelessly.
I am wondering whether sometimes it is better to throw caution to the wind and go with your heart - sometimes two people are just ready to marry, and there's no point in just holding back for years and years.
There's a saying, marry at haste, repent at leisure. But I've also heard the opposite, marry at leisure, repent at haste. There's no assurance that taking years and years to get to know someone is going to provide you with any indication about how your marriage is going to go.
Sometimes when you don't take a relationship all the way, when you both are ready to take it there, to be married, you miss the boat, and the opportunity is lost.
If a good man marries a good woman, sometimes you get to know each other as you go along in the marriage.
A lot of cultures have arranged marriages (eg Indians). These arranged marriages don't work on the basis of you knowing each other very well. They work because the people involved in them are committed to the marriage and know how to behave in the marriage.
I have met some women who wished to meet someone and get married almost straightaway. I sometimes think about these women now and then. I once doubted their sincerity. I now doubt by doubt. Now I am in a relationship with a woman who in my opinion isn't really serious about getting married to me, or anyone else for that matter, and so I wonder to myself as I sleep alone month after month, what might have happened if I had taken the chance with one of the women who were ready to settle down.
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Thanks for the support, .....And no it wasn't intentional, in fact i still can't see all this aggression those here are talking about. I was quite blunt and spoke my mind sure, but i can't see where people see aggression ..... As for the reply to Arnold ...the banter at the bottom was more of a bit of humour than anything else.... because he always comes back to have a stab at whoever disagrees with him ... and that's good too, i have no problem with that at all.
David......
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David , you calling my experience all based on Luck ? The ONLY luck I had was being the first to write to my Wife now . That's it !!!
The REST is " NO " luck at all . It's called communication .. not commonsence or anything else .
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Scottish Rob,
What attack are you talking about here?? If you mean pointing out some observations,... that is not an attack on him. Don't twist things to suit your understanding. I have a good respect for Arnold and the advise he hands down to others here. The only strong disagreement i have with him, is his encouragement of quick, quick falling in love on what is basically an internet site.
As for always mentioning his wife, that's also an observation, and no, i have no beef with that!! I was just pointing out that it was mainly whenever he posted anything about what was up for disussion today, namely this quick, quick falling in love thing. I think his wrong and i told him so. Is that wrong too Rob??
As for seeing other posts that i have made elsewhere, that you call derisory, that again is only your opinion. Everyone here has an opinion, if you disagree with a postings opinion make your own known , that's what these forums are for, and what your doing now. We are all, i take it grown men here, all i'm asking is that you take everyones opinion /point of view for what it is..... It seems as if, if one of the gang takes offence you all have to jump in an gang-up on the guy ......after all , he must be wrong, look at all these postings saying so!!
David....
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David , I'm not upset with anything . Just wanted you to know , that I have never incouraged anybody to move " FAST " . I alway's recommented at least six month's of writing before ever going to visit . I did not move fast in my case either , it took six month's before I went to see her . Yes . I like to incourage our Guy's to stay positive and fight for their Lady , or whatever the problem is , but not do it at all cost's .
I appreciate your Post's as everybody else , so I see what your saying . I'm far from Perfect , I know that and sure hope everybody here know's that too .
Let's all stay calm .
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Arnold,
I had just finished replying to you, and lost the lot somehow. hahaha!! It's late here now, so I'll reply tomorrow now....
Arnold, I'm not upset with you either, i really haven't any beef with you at all. But i think your gang thinks i have!! Hahaha, To me, all here are discussions, just a shame really why some take offence!!
Anyway will get back to you tomorrow sometime..... I'm off to bed! ...ha ha!! .nite, nite....
David.....
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Love and relationships are not based on science. Once emotions and
behaviors enter into the mix, logic can run divergent paths. I have no
problem with folks disagreeing or offering diferences in opinion or
in their approach, as long as it is done respectfully and with the over-
arching goal of helping. Suggesting that folks exercise caution or
to examine things from different angles, second guessing etc are all
part of the equation. They all have merit. Because one approach
worked successfully with one person's relationship doesn' t mean it
must work for another.
I value the experiences of the collective. Be well.
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Alex,
We all want to be cautious; we all want to be helpful!
The title of your post implies to me that you know exactly what you are doing.
Sometimes you just have to go for it! Or as Nike say - Just Do it!
Have fun - and keep us posted!
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David50, looks like you and I are in the same boat, we say it as we see it & some members seem a little over sensitive.
I think Alex needs to remember one thing.......There is a HUGE difference between "falling in Love" and "Love",
I could fall in love in 5 minutes on a drunken night at the pub talking to a cute girl or when I see that Ferrari 599 drive past, even when I see a cute puppy, but if I never see them again it's not going to affect my life too much.
"Love" is something that takes time to grow & if you can really say you love someone you have never spent time with I think you need to take a good long hard look at your emotions, you love your kids, your parents, your partner even the dog you've had for 8 years but I find it hard to see how you could "love" someone at the end of a cable/satellite with whom you wouldn't know if you walked past in a busy shopping center.
No doubt I'll be shot down again but I'm a thick skinned Aussie so bring it on boys:icon_cheesygrin:
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Alex , being one of the first to offer suggestions when you had a minor hiccup originally , and now you know the lay of the land in Changsha , I say go for it , all the Changsha ladies are lovely , almost as lovely as those in Chongqing , regards Robert .
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David Lets not play games. I am more straight forward then anyone here in my opinion. I posted "To each there own" and you replied with "and only FOOLS rush in where angels fear to tread" The "Fool" capitalized. Indicating someone here is a fool. Then you went on to MOCK Arnold even saying "You can get angry all you like Arnold, you asked Say's Who??" That is aggression. Trying to start a fight. "I know your going to be mad, and come back flaming, but I'm ready to counter any and all accusations you want to fire my way." Making it a challenge. Daring him to reply.
Continuing with "we'll just have to wait and see what his defence will be"
Then I posted "I'm letting you know before the name calling starts" Key word is "Before" I did not say you did. I also did not say your opinion wasn't valid. In fact I did not give mention to an opinion at all.
You then went on to mocking the forum. "If all the forum is for, is to pat each other on the back"
To remind you of what you posted to me. "What are you saying here, that no-ones allowed to give an opinion, for fear of being ganged up on?? What name calling are you on about, have i called anyone names here, ..... i don't think so!!" Did you have your hands on your hips when you said this?
This is how I'm reading it. Maybe you didn't mean to sound this way? Each of us has their own personality. We all are different in ways. But something we all share including you is you can't change someone's mind or thoughts by given an opinion. It's up to them to take it or not. Alex is infatuated with a new woman. Let him enjoy it. If he decides to jump on the next plane to get married then we will slow him down and give him a chance to think it over. I'm sure he would do this anyway.
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This is the second post that has ruined by other people's bickering,first was Chong and China having a dig at each other,now this,should we open another forum and call it the "childish section"come guys grow up.We are being far to sensative with eachother to be any help to anybody.The forum is getting bigger and there is going to be a lot more differences in opinions,SO GROW UP GUYS.
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Vince Stop this.
After reading this post and watching it turn from alex the happy fool to lets bicker and whine over ones posting.
Another mod fails to keep his golden rules.
Stuart I do remember this one the most from the Chong days long ago.
1. If two people have some severe disagreement. Take it to private email. And what do i see. Sure aint private.
2. This should be included. If a person post a generalize the idea. A flame war. Shouldnt the Mod either delete the post or modify the post with a mod explaination on the bottom of the post. Before a flame war is to commense.
Now from what saw. David did not really start nothing to cause an issue. If the comments were read correctly. This shouldnt have happened.
So it begins. The david/arnold session. Both sides calmed down.
Then david/danny issue. Washed there hands of that.
Then best of all Vince/David eps. Hence rule #1 never enforced. Vince is a mod. Assume select people only have to go by enforced rule.
So if anything that needs to be done is Vince cool off a bit. Then come back as a mod again.
Now my comment for Alex.
Since this is his post. I am sorry i posted mainly about the bickering. But it makes me sick to see a 2 page post wasted on nothing that pertained to the original post. But my opinion on what you wish to do is simple. Go where you thoughts may guide you. Just think of it as a vacation. If you find the lady you believe has the true love for you. It will be the best added bonus you will ever have in your life. Best of luck.
Danny does have alot of good points. Wise man.
Arnold. He will always include his wife in anything. Just get use to it. Its the crazy california lifestyle living. :)
Vince. If he wishes to delete my post. Go ahead. It will just prove rule #1 even more.
And to the others. There was no need to gang up on david at all. Jumping on the bandwagon just adds more fuel to the fire.
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Ok... David I apologise, I should not have said what I did and hope 'we' can all start again as brothers and not adversories, and put our 'opinions' into each and every post if we want to reply to them....
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Stuart & Chet ... First of all, Mike and I have known each other on this Forum and FaceBook for over a year. We both speak our minds in favour and not in favour of each other. Regarding our latest ... if you read ... I did apologize to him publicly because I was wrong. And it was only FOUR posts written so it didn't drag throughout the thread. You saw it as a "severe disagreement" or "flame war" which it wasn't IMO. In the end, Mike and I both have a mutual respect for each other. It's like arguing with a family member.
Private emails are for matters between TWO members concerning issues ONLY involving them and no other member. However, in that thread, it involved Shaun also. And following posts led to valid points being made to further the discussion. In the end, it was just that ... a discussion. And if I'm wrong, I'll admit it publicly.
Chet ... you just wrote ... "So if anything that needs to be done is Vince cool off a bit. Then come back as a mod again." ... Should that have been in private email ??? ... or written publicly as you did because you wanted everybody to read it and offer their opinions.
David has made some vaild points about the 'love issue' but not about Arnold IMHO. And I agreed totally with tiztom's post. This is an open Forum where positive and negative viewpoints / opinions are allowed. It's always good to hear different sides.
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i would opine that PM is appropriate even for multiple recipients
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i would opine that PM is appropriate even for multiple recipients
I agree ... given certain situations.
In the end, everybody's ... going to do it / write it / post it ... their way ... because in their mind, it's the right way. This is after all, an Open Internet Public Forum. We have over 150 members, not everybody's going to agree on everything.
Even as a designated MOD, I have had some personal postings deleted. Maxx publicly warned me a few times. So I'm subject to posting limitations as well ... just like any other member. There are 7 MODS forming the committee to keep this Forum as clean, enjoyable and positive as possible. We do have our own discussions concerning these duties. Our 7 viewpoints ensure that there's not any bias towards issues.
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Vince,
No-one is playing games here as you suggest!!
Yes Vince, it is the way your reading my posts, if you had read all that i had posted yesterday, to all the various people having a pop at me, you would, i hope better understand what i am saying.
I'll take each point that you made here to me. .... The fools rush in thing was a general reply to all that think it's fine to let a fellow member rush into another relationship without at least trying to get him to step back and take another look. I did however put your name on that posting, ...that was a mistake on my part. It wasn't my intention to aim that posting directly at you.
The ''Says who'' thing, was a direct quote taken from Arnold's own post, and the angry thing was also taken as a quote from the same posting. Now the banter i made with Arnold at the bottom of the page, it was just that, ...''.banter'', Arnold has a dry sense of humour that i like and normally comes back, to back his stand. Where you get the mock and the aggression thing i have no idea Vince. None was intended or given.....
Mocking the forum?? From the postings that were posted about Alex's situation and the gang-up against myself for putting my opinion over ....it certainly seemed that way in this particular instance. Do you actually think that's mocking the forum? Or was it, if read another way asking a question to the forum?
What i wrote to you Vince, were valid observations, i was being ganged up on for giving my opinion, and you were implying, i was going to start some sort of name calling session. Even here, your implying aggression on my part, when the fact is, .....there is , was, and never has been any aggression intended or given. So NO, i was not taking the hands on hip possition you stated....
Your last paragraph is i think the key, Yes we do all have our own personality, and our own way of saying and doing things... I know i can be blunt, and maybe too over forwardly straight talking, than most, but i am NOT an aggressive character, and I'm not looking for any form of fights, but i will always defend myself and my opinions. I am not asking or looking for anyone to change there own minds or there opinions either. Just that, if anything i have said in a posting rings a little warning bell, where they do stand back and think a little more,..... that's more than good enough for me!! But I agree, they will always do, what they want to do.
Vince, ....Both Alex and Arnold seem to be great guys , I'm not and have not tried to rubbish them in any way.... Alex i was trying to help, Arnold i was trying to tell, that encouraging others to fall in love in the fast lane is wrong and can be dangerous. As stated elsewhere, i have a good respect for Arnold and the advice that he has given to others. I only have that one issue with him. Both are grown men in there own right, and both have come back here to say they have no problem with me, ....Or I to them either!! I will be replying to Arnold tonight. I only popped in here to see what else has been written today, and decided to reply to your above posting.
Now i must get back to help my better half to decorate the spare bedroom, before i really get into trouble !! hahaha!!
I hope this short reply to you, has cleared up one or two things. I am not the bad guy, that some seem to think I am, or want me to be!! I'd rather have a good laugh and a joke with folk myself....
David.....
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It seems to be a trend on the internet to add, change, and taking someone's words and making it further than expected or intended. Prior to my posting I was at another site that gave accusations over words posted. Saying I said things I did not say. Followed by a phone call from someone telling me North Korea fired 3 missiles' at Hawaii? "Where did you hear this?" "On the Radio" After explaining it never happen and seeing how some believe what they read and hear no matter what. Yes, I have become protective of the words I write.
I did say it was the way I was reading it. I gave you a chance to say I was wrong or see it as I did. I DON'T EDIT or DELETE OPINIONS. The only time I go in and edit is to fix a link or a photo so it works and I usually send a note letting them know I did.
The reason I posted "It not going to happen" was directed at ALL. In case anybody took this forum for a free for all to start flinging fowl names with violent intentions.
As for the Hands on the hip comment. That was a joke to lighten the mood.
Chet I understand your comment that I should cool down. I wasn't hot. I will admit when provoked I do have an aggressive character. My apologies to any that thought I lost it. Lets clear the air and continue on.
Alex, I think you should give some more background on what's going on? What plans are you making?
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David, I must apologize to you as I thought you were trying to cause trouble here on this forum, I have reread your posts and with a clearer head I belive I was wrong in my thinking, I would like to start over and stay friendly here, I stand corrected and offer my hand in friendship.
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My hope is that every one will get back to original thing in this thread.. Some of us are happy for the sake of Alex and are wishing him all the best in the future. He alone have to face his decisions even if we all are thinking of his best.
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Thank you Peter. I couldnt agree more.
Best wishes for you Alex. Put your best effort into it.
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David , I'm not upset with anything . Just wanted you to know , that I have never encouraged anybody to move " FAST " . I always re commented at least six month's of writing before ever going to visit . I did not move fast in my case either , it took six month's before I went to see her . Yes . I like to incourage our Guy's to stay positive and fight for their Lady , or whatever the problem is , but not do it at all cost's .
I appreciate your Post's as everybody else , so I see what your saying . I'm far from Perfect , I know that and sure hope everybody here know's that too .
Let's all stay calm .
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Arnold,
Like you, I'm not upset either.... and I'm very calm ...ha ha!!
I wasn't referring to moving fast in the context your stating here Arnold, all that you have written here i have no problem with at all.
What i was referring to, was to the many occasions where you encourage or agree, with guys that are stating that they have fallen in love with with there lady. Some of these guys had only been writing/communicating with there lady a matter of weeks. That is the wrong signal to send to these guys, and it can be devastating when reality hits these guys in the face.
You have often stated that you fell in love with your wife, very early after you first started writing to her. Then went on, along your happy journey, confirming together at critical junctures that you had both found the right partner in each other. All that is fine Arnold, and everyone's happy for you I'm sure. It's the falling in love bit at the very beginning, How can anyone possibly be ''In Love'' with an image on a screen, and words on a screen no-matter how romantic they may all be. My Opinion again here, ....but your not going to know anything for sure, until you have met her in person, and even then, it's only the start of your real journey. These are the statements that you say ''make you really angry''!! .... Well they shouldn't there real issues. The fact that YOU managed to get through your time apart and your love actually did come to fruitition, detracts from these real issues for others....
All I'm saying here basically, is don't promote the idea of it's fine to fall ''in love'' with an image and words on a screen just because it worked for you. For the vast majority, it wont work, and at worst it could be devastating... Much better to advocate Commonsense, to use your life experience (wisdom), listen to your gut feeling, and then with a bit of luck thrown in, ......it will at least set you on your way to where you want to be. ....Or, at the very least, .....just say nothing!!
Lets hope this post doesn't create another gang-up by your mates Arnold. ...haha!!
It is just my opinion like anything else i might post here..... All the best to you Arnold.
David......
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Hi everyone,
just a quick line to say thanks for your input. I will expand a bit more on my situation, but not just now. Today I am enjoying my birthday, thinking about what it means to be 46, in love and engaged. Also, I am happily exhausted after watching Federer make history.
Alex
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Happy B-Day Alex. Looking forward to your expansion. It does seem a bit odd how quick it happend but on the other hand, you can't stop true love and if this is it, then my hats off to ya.
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Happy Birthday Alex
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Happy birthday Alex, glad to hear things have taken a turn for the better. We are all grown men here, and the brothers will support you whatever happens, sometimes you have to do the crazy thing, sometimes it just feels right.
I dunno, personally I couldn't do it so fast but then again, that's the story of my life, maybe i second guess everything too much and don't take enough chances??, heck each to their own. I believe that with a good heart, good acts result in good things for that person and vice versa, a cosmic karma maybe..I'm rambling, best of luck!
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Hey , am I the last to wish you a Happy Birthday ? Alex , hope you Had a great day and Congrat's . on your Engagement .
David , thank you for your explanation . I do appreciate it much . Things do get heated sometimes and off Topic other times . I think , I do need to be straighten'd out ones in a while , all this being in Love and all that waiting get's you sidetracked here and there . I do include my Wife often as an example , because she is after all alway's on my mind and I can't use Martin's or Ed's Wife for that matter .
So as I see it , when I do give a good and informative answer , I usually get a note of appreciation . So , when it's a not so good and of the wall , I also want to have a feedback to let me know I'm wrong . You did just that , so as a Mod .. I learned not to lash out like I used to on the Official Forum , which you might have seen ? I'm also sure you understand , I have a long list of friends here , that know me from the Official and we do watch each other's back , which I'm willing to do the same for them . So to see them , come and support me is of no surprise in cases of feeling that I've been done wrong . It's that closeness that makes this a Brotherhood . We do have People come here now and then and try to cause trouble and make this Forum what it's not .
David , I do apologize if it made you uncomfortable , I take the blame for it ... totally .
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Arnold,
Don't worry about it Arnold, I'm not....
As we all know none of us are perfect, and none of us has all the answers.
Yeah, ....i also understand about your mates on here too. hahaha!!
Although one did try to get really heavy with me on the PM, and thought that he was going to intimidate
me in someway. ....But he didn't and he won't.
Anyway as far as I'm concerned Arnold, the matters over and done with and forgotten and no apologies are required.
David....
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Alex.... Best wishes on your Birthday yesterday, and wish you a fruitful year. ( I thought i sent you a Birthday post yesterday, but can't see it on here... Mucked-Up again ...hahaha!! ) David.....
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Dear everyone,
hello. I once saw Arthur Miller, the playwright, do a talk. Someone asked him if it was true that he wrote Death of a Salesman in 10 days. He replied that yes, it was true that he physically wrote it in that short time, but it was also true that it took him twenty years. Twenty years of life experience and research.
Why do I mention this? Well it is true that Zhimei and I have committed ourselves to each other very fast. It's a fact. Is it too fast? I don't know. It feels right to both of us. Do we think about it? Yes, constantly. Are there red flags? Not that I can see? Are we ready for marriage? Yes. We both have been ready for a long time.
Sometimes we seem to write each other's thoughts. Sometimes I express a wish in a general way and she translates it into practical specifics, which turns out to be exactly how I meant it.
Example: I had spoken about the kinds of things I would like to do when I visit in October, about meeting her family, about marriage, about where I will stay, about visiting Zhangjiajie and here's an exrtract of a letter she sent today:
"You know, I love you. SO, Honey, when you come to China, just feel easy at your home. ~_~ Honey, how about when you come, the first two days, you just have good rest at a hotel near my house. Because I think you must be very tired after a long trip. Of course, I will accompany with you and show you some places of Changsha if you like ? Then we got married as we discussed if we are still compatible when we meet ? Then you will be my official husband, and I will pick you up to my home, that's also your home. I will show you most of my family members. After that, we can spend the honeymood to Zhangjiajie, we will take lots of pictures in the international forest park. It is a fantastic park.. Also I can take you to Guangzhou to have fun. "
Well, that sounds perfect to me. I couldn't have imagined a better itinerary. I love her. She loves me. We're both pretty intense. I'm not particularly a doubting Thomas, but we have had discussions about how real this is or can be. But we believe in each other and want to spend the rest of our lives together. And the more we get to know each other, the deeper the resolution grows.
Is it enough for it to feel right?
Alex:heart:
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Looks real to me Alex , or I'm the Fool . I say you are ready and she is waiting for you , to enter the married LIfe . All you need now , is stand in front of her and look her into thr Eyes and you'll see ... if she is melting your Heart ? You take it from there Buddy .
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It sounds good to me. It sounds very much like my lady and I. We continue to talk to each other this way (it is OUR home, etc). Recently I think I was tested? My lady said when we meet and maybe not like each other she will find a new GF for me? I said No, No, No! then I heard her giggle.
I think you have a keeper. Enjoy the time and the feelings of happiness.
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As Vince said mate congrats I too think you have a keeper......
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Alex, fantastic news. I wish you all the best with this new relationship.
Sorry to hijack this thread, but I want to touch on some of what was said earlier. While I am all for freedom of speech, I am also all for freedom of replies.
Now I read the posts, and I also thought they were aggressive in nature. There were good points being made..but in a harsh kind of way in my opinion. When people questioned these posts, they were stopped, citing that the author had a right to his opinion. Absolutely...but with that same right of giving your opinion, comes the right of others to disagree with you.
Sorry i am late in getting this posted, but being at work doesn't let me post too often.
Alex...nobody here can tell you that you are falling in love too fast. You know your relationship better than anyone. You are also an adult, who is capable of making your own decisions, and accepting any repercussions. We have had members claim love in much shorter time. It is not for us to judge.
I, like others here, met our wives through chnlove, and after 6 months in my case, married the woman that I have fallen in love with. We married on my first (and so far only) trip to China. Was i wrong for doing this...or was it too fast? I don't think so. So again, I offer my congratulations, and wish you all the best.
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Me too Alex Congratulations. You know whatever happens we are here to support you.
On the other matter. I agree with Martin 100%. Nuff said.