China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Newbies Corner => Topic started by: brett on August 06, 2009, 08:37:17 am
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Hi all,
I wondered if any of my fellow brothers had some suggestions about what a sensible age difference is? I'm 37 and would like to find someone who is willing to settle down and want to start a family.
Obviously most men prefer younger women. I've been looking in the 28-34 age range as I'd guess this is optimal, although I've had notes from younger women of around 25.
Is there a certain age that Chinese girls tend to reach when they decide they know what they want out of life and decide to settle down? Round my part of Essex girls seem to want to settle down and have kids at the grand old age of 19, so that's not much help :s.
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Brett,
At your age, there isn't going to be much of an age difference really. I personally would never go more than 15 yrs, and would be looking to keep it nearer to 10 yrs.
To me, it's the older guy's that have the bigger problem, looking at ladies half there age. what they would have in common, i wouldn't know!! Apart from anything else it's not really fair on the women, after all they should have a life also. We men tend to think of ourselves, and not think about further on down the line, when the chances are, these much younger wife's would end-up just being our careers......
That's my personal view point, .... i'm sure others here would see things otherwise!!
David....
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Well, being with ladies younger who are under 25 years old may would not a good idea (I think), just because I'd say they surely don't have "much" experience as older ladies (working, relationship, too)
So, 25 seems to be the "limit of age" for you (I always think I'm right to say that) but under, you may will have any "difficulties".
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Thanks, that's what I was thinking!
If I wanted a 21 year old trophy wife I'd get a Ukranian. But having a really young wife is a bit of a cultural taboo in this country, although if you're a football manager/ex-player or a Russian oligarch you can just about get away with it lol :icon_cheesygrin:.
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David, I'm 54. Does this mean I am selfish because I have a 19 year old who loves me and she makes me happy? hehe!
No, I agree, 10 years or less is a reasonable preference and certainly no more than 15 years. My oldest child is 24 how in the world could she relate to a 25 or even 30 year old step mother. The point is this is not a one person issue. If you have children you need to consider how they would relate too. Sure a very young woman looks good and can be very exciting but after you get out of bed with her you will have to talk with her.
My grandfather God rest his soul married an 18 year old woman after his wife died giving birth. He was in his 50's and died while his youngest son was 8. My grandmother raised 5 children by herself and they were very poor after he died. It does not make any sense to put the woman you say you love in that kind of possible circumstance.
The woman I am talking with is 46. Even with a 8 year gap I have already noticed that long range plans are different. We are talking about that and trying to merge our focus a little closer to each other. I can retire in 6 years and with my benefits I could live anywhere I want. She isn't that far along and doesn't completely understand that issue.
So yes you should keep her age close to yours.
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Shaun,
I'm not saying if i was single and a much younger lady (of a decent type) offered me, let's say .... care and attention haha!! I wouldn't be walking or running in the opposite direction, I'd probably, no definately be saying, when and where..... let's goooooo now!! haha!!
But it ain't gonna happen so i won't dwell on it.... hahaha!!
David.....
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Shaun,
I'm not saying if i was single and a much younger lady (of a decent type) offered me, let's say .... care and attention haha!! I wouldn't be walking or running in the opposite direction, I'd probably, no definately be saying, when and where..... let's goooooo now!! haha!!
But it ain't gonna happen so i won't dwell on it.... hahaha!!
David.....
Hey, after all we are men, but if you want to settle down don't shoot yourself in the foot. But truthfully I'd rather keep it in my pants and save it for the good stuff if you know what I mean. (oooh this can be taken the wrong way, I mean a good wife I can relate to is the good stuff!)
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Shaun,
I'm not single now anyway.... haha!! And to be honest, i'm thankful in a way that Lucys, away for a fortnight, ..... rest and rehabilitation, what do you Yanks call it , oh yes ... R and R
It's just all this dammed washing and ironing, and the dusting and vacuming, and the bed getting changed..... hahaha!!
David......
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I think it depends on your age. I am 36 now, and I only looked for women 28 or older. This is a good age for maturity in a Chinese woman in my experience. But you have enough issues with cultural differences, age differences will only make it harder. My wife will be 32, and according to the Chinese Zodiac, 4 years difference is very good.
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Hi Brett, I am 53 years old and my wife is 43 years old soon to be 44, we are a good match, I have a 22 year old daughter that gets along fine with Lao Po, a 13 year old son that loves her and calls her Mama, and she has a daughter that is 12 years old and in the end of December, beginning of January we will have a new daughter so I think a 10 to 15 year differance is okay but I wouldn't go any more then that but then thats JMO.
Good luck and best wishes.
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Well at least at 37 he cannot have an age gap of more than 15 years as girls in China cannot marry before they are22.
Willy
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The standard I've always followed was half your age +7. So if you're 16, you can date a 15 year old...if you're 50, 32's your limit. No rule is set in stone but it seems to work well. My girl's 32 and I'm 39 and we seem to have a lot in common.
P.S. If you're 8, you can date an 11 year old!
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I've got an opinion on this subject that may not be "mainstream" :):)
I agree, if we want a "red-hot" 22 yr old from Russia or Ukraine, it would take about 1 week tops !!!
We would know EXACTLY what the deal is....2 years of endless sex...and then she dives off with 60% of your assets...90% if you were unfortunate to have a child !!
I have some friends here in Aus who did just that...and they now live to regret it hugely.
But I truly think that the Chinese Women have a genuinely different view about age...up to a point of course.
Age, to a Chinese woman is something to be admired and respected, so I would feel more confident about a "younger" Chinese Woman than almost any other.
In my mind (and in my conscience ) I have thought about life if I marry a Chinese Woman say, 20-25 years younger than me.
It is very likely that she wouldnt have such a problem with this, but for me, I would have maybe 15-20 good years before I either croaked or became a vegetable in a Zimmerframe :):)
Both of us would know this and provided that I was able to make sure she was well sorted financially when that time came, I think I would have done the right thing. At the same time I would have the last relationship in my life with a wonderful woman....worth gold to me.
My only other option is to marry an older Australian Dragon who not only would be waiting for my cash, but driving me to the end-game with the throttle wide open !!!
At this moment I am healthy, slim, well set financially, mentally OK.......I deserve a good woman (lol)
Makes you think doesnt it ??
David E
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I certainly don't have any issues with age gaps ... my sister married someone nearly the same age as our parents. 20 year difference in their ages.
I did set an age range for my matches but that's more of a guideline than anything ... helps when you're starting out, no idea where it will end up though.
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Thanks guys!
At the end of the day I'm not sure age is ever an issue. When I was at Uni one of the 18 year old girls had a 40+ year old boyfriend!
:fi_lone_ranger:
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But many babes like being with older men...
sorry to say that but for most of them...
Older men means : lot of money, car, house,... well.. only material things...
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Brett,
But did she marry him??, are they still together??, An older boyfriend is one thing, an older husband is something quite different!! and there are always fools that will rush-in where the angels will fear to tread!!
David.....
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Maybe did she marry and that she already has any "amant" younger anywhere else...
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Keren is 41 and I am 52, i decided to look in the age group of 35...55
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Qing is 41 next month and I'm 56 , this is and was my age limitation . My late Wife was 66 when she passed , so in a way , I get to see both sides of the Coin .
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To me age is just a number. There are people that are 30 but act like 60. And then there are those who at 60 have more energy and drive than those half their age. When I went on the web site back in 2007 I spent a great deal of time looking at all ages of women. Long story short, it did not work out that time. This last time I saw that there were over 6000 profiles. If you look at 1 per minute it would take over 100 hours to look at all the ladies. For me, I went with very similar age. I just turned 58, and when I am in Beijing this December, XiuRu will have her 58th birthday. I find that our conversations are based on similar experiences and that this time around it is looking very good. The second aspect of this is age range is that any children are grown and usually out of the way. My son is 38 this year, and I just know bringing home a 40 year old Chinese Lady that looks 27 would put them over the top.
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I would say 28 through your age is reasonable.
From my experience, having lost my second child with my ex from a major DNA defect 6mo into the pregnancy and meeting with many ginetatists and other professionals, women are usualy capable of having problem free pregnenacies through the age of 40. The issue is after 40 or there-a-bouts the risk of defect goes up so I wouldnt worry too much about it since your likely going to find a nice lady a few years below your age and your young enough with plenty of time to start a nice family.
Hi all,
I wondered if any of my fellow brothers had some suggestions about what a sensible age difference is? I'm 37 and would like to find someone who is willing to settle down and want to start a family.
Obviously most men prefer younger women. I've been looking in the 28-34 age range as I'd guess this is optimal, although I've had notes from younger women of around 25.
Is there a certain age that Chinese girls tend to reach when they decide they know what they want out of life and decide to settle down? Round my part of Essex girls seem to want to settle down and have kids at the grand old age of 19, so that's not much help :s.
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Thanks guys!
At the end of the day I'm not sure age is ever an issue. When I was at Uni one of the 18 year old girls had a 40+ year old boyfriend!
:fi_lone_ranger:
Her name wasn't Rachel was it? No it could not have been, she was 19 when I was 40!!!
Willy
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Just forget about it...
What would man do, even if he was 29 years old, with a 19 years old lady???
Man, that kind of lady is still in studies, doesn't have really much experience in relationship and working...
While you'll may want to stay home in the weekend or going away in a parc or anywhere else, and being at night with some friends or at home, relaxing yourself, maybe that lady would go to nightclubs and so on... Sorry to give any "bad personal sightview" about it but I also lived a bit that situation... even if the lady was 24 years old...
Age is really important, there are some "limits" which can't be acceptable...
Seeing a man who is 40 years old with a young lady who is only 20?????
What would the man say if he would be father, with the lady???? The baby would be only 5 years old, his father would be 45', do you think it would be a good thing??? And does the man could really go on with his lady, having some sextime with her 4 times a day? (Ok it can be exagerated but never forget that young ladies are like "hungry of sex", most of the time...
Would you really follow that way, and trying to impress her, impress yourself too, saying that love has no limit of age?
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Sly
Maybe it is French women :):)...but nowhere in Aus could you find any woman who wants sex 4 times a day.....dont matter if she is 17 or 70 :):)
As for Aussie Men......that would definitely get in the way of the beer drinking and time with the mates at the Pub !!!
If you ever go to Thailand and see hundreds of European ex-pats aged 60 plus with their 18 years old Thai "wives"....you will know that we all should have shares in Viagra Company :):)
Some societies dont like a big age difference...some dont care...........vive la difference :):)
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David,
For sure, I never would be with a woman who is so much younger than me, plus, if she would be mother and wish me to be father with her... Just imagine having any baby later... being an old father... well.. imagine being 50 years old with a 30 years old lady... wouldn't you mind to have a baby so "lately"?
how long could he know you? 20? 30 years??? i don't think it would be a really good idea, but once again, it is my personal point of view.
And sorry to say that, but 60 years old men with 18 years old thai wives... it's just "money" that I'm thinking about it, nothing else...
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Just imagine having any baby later... being an old father... well.. imagine being 50 years old with a 30 years old lady... wouldn't you mind to have a baby so "lately"?
how long could he know you? 20? 30 years???
Sly
No modern marriage can have a guaranteed life of "X" years.....the divorce statistics strongly speak to that !!!
If I married a younger woman and we BOTH decided to have a child, it woud be really good, I would be delighted.
I would rather live 10 good years with a wondeful woman whom I loved, than 35 years of midless hell just to have someone as a partner :):)
But...each to his own !!!
David
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You both make some good points. I can certainly see reasons why a older man would want a younger woman. It is just that a marriage with this age gap is most likely not last many years. You'd be happy in the beginning and slowly that happiness would fall away to anger and regret. This is the reason I say don't marry someone with a large age gap between the both of you. You may get a few happy years out of it but chances are that's all there will be.
Vince, why do you say that such a marriage would fall away to anger and regret...that is a pretty categorical statement. ?? 67% of "normal" marriages "fall away to anger and regret"....so the age difference only slightly increases the chances of it happening !!
If a Man marries ANYBODY at the age of 50+, he doesnt exactly have a lifetime of bliss to look forward to :):) After 15 years he wouldnt care anyway :):):)....alzeheimers, dementia, rheumatism and incontinence would get the priority attention I think :):):)...even if the big C or a coronary didnt get there first !!!
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David,
Just when i was feeling good about myself you come along and piss all over my world. Now all i can think about is alzheimer's, dementia, rheumatism and incontinence. When I've finished thinking about them, i'm faced with the Big C and,or a Coronary!!!!!! Jeez, ....I feel like cutting me throat now!!
David....
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David,
Just when i was feeling good about myself you come along and piss all over my world. Now all i can think about is alzheimer's, dementia, rheumatism and incontinence. When I've finished thinking about them, i'm faced with the Big C and,or a Coronary!!!!!! Jeez, ....I feel like cutting me throat now!!
David....
David,
Just when i was feeling good about myself you come along and piss all over my world. Now all i can think about is alzheimer's, dementia, rheumatism and incontinence. When I've finished thinking about them, i'm faced with the Big C and,or a Coronary!!!!!! Jeez, ....I feel like cutting me throat now!!
Dont worry about it David....if you get Alzeheimers first it will all be a blur anyway...enjoy what you have got, while you have got it :):)
By the way...according to Aus Bureau of Statistics, only 3% of divorces occur when the different age of the partners is greater than 20 years.
Now spot the obvious flaw in THAT statistic !!
David
David... and all
I'll tell you a story that may illustrate why I am a bit flippant on the age/age difference issue :)
I am 56 and over the past 5 years i have had 32 episodes of Rapid Atrial Fibbrillation....which is like the heart attack you get when you aint really having a heart attack !!! The fix for this pestilence is to electrically stop your ticker, wait 3 minutes and start it up again !!!! Luckily you are under anaesthetic at this time...scary stuff !!
So...technically I have been "dead" for a total of 96 minutes in this time !! (no, Mike..did not see pearly gates or angels and such like).
Thanks to modern medicine, the problem was diagnosed last year and fixed proper !! (crook nerve pathway).
So now I dont give a bu***r about age difference or any such artificial consideration of what makes a good life...I know now that life is temporary and we all gotta do what we all gotta do to make our own life count !!!.....this is not a rehearsal !!!!
Cheers
David
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So...technically I have been "dead" for a total of 96 minutes in this time !! (no, Mike..did not see pearly gates or angels and such like).
Thanks to modern medicine, the problem was diagnosed last year and fixed proper !! (crook nerve pathway).
Cheers
David
This reminds me of a man who been clinically dead several times but lived through it. Each time his heart stopped. When a new reporter asked him if he had seen the pearly gates or angels he replied, "No, can't say that I have seen that but I do smell charcoal and burning flesh from time to time." Interestingly enough he died in a house fire. It's kind of morbid but makes one wonder.
David I din't mean to cast dispersions on what you are saying but thought this was an interesting story.
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So...technically I have been "dead" for a total of 96 minutes in this time !! (no, Mike..did not see pearly gates or angels and such like).
Thanks to modern medicine, the problem was diagnosed last year and fixed proper !! (crook nerve pathway).
Cheers
David
This reminds me of a man who been clinically dead several times but lived through it. Each time his heart stopped. When a new reporter asked him if he had seen the pearly gates or angels he replied, "No, can't say that I have seen that but I do smell charcoal and burning flesh from time to time." Interestingly enough he died in a house fire. It's kind of morbid but makes one wonder.
David I din't mean to cast dispersions on what you are saying but thought this was an interesting story.
Shaun
I DID wonder about the smell of burning....thought it was the electrodes from the heart-starter machine...now you've got me wondering :):):)
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Some of you know I am a retired Geophysicist from the oil and gas industry. I retired to pastor a church and am in between churches because of the divorce. I say all that and then I will tell you that right now I am driving a school bus for a living, talking about living in the lap of luxury.
Anyway, today was our second day back in school. This is my second year driving the route I am on and there is a 2nd grade girl that is of Filipino and American decent. She's a cutie and so is her mother; in her late 20's. Her mother is outside to send her to school and is home about 3 to 4 days when her daughter arrives back home. The mother is always waiting outside. The days she is not there her grandfather is there to pick her up. He is American and 60+. The girl calls him her grandfather and the mother calls him dad. Well, today I find out that the supposed grandfather is actually the father and is married to this 20 something Filipino woman.
So, if there isn't an issue with the wide age difference why does the mother and daughter call him dad and grandfather respectively? Why are they hide the truth from the public? All three are actually embarrassed with the age difference. The father actually let it slip out.
When my first wife turned 40 I used the old joke that I was going to trade her in for 2 20's. She told me I couldn't handle 2 20's. Now that I am 54 and work with a couple of women in their early 20's I am sure I couldn't handle one.
Sorry guys but I do not see the logic of marrying a woman more that 10-15 years younger than yourself.
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Amen Shaun!
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Guys...please
We are talking about a "sensible" age difference here....a 56 year old Man with a 20 year old wife cannot by any definition be called sensible !
But lets get closer to reality...56 year old Man...40 year old woman? 39 year old woman ? 35 year old ?
That still represents an age difference of something like 20 years +
I DID marry a woman 23 years younger than me...it was a wonderful journey.......everything I could wish for, emotionally, physically..and she was well enough educated to be very clever as well as a dish !
Were it not for the big C...we would be still together ...and deliriously happy.
Can we keep this thread for "sensible" debate on the age issue...not the lunatic fringe of baby snatchers ?
Ta
David E
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Still think 10-15 years should be the max, it would be for me anyway. Sure there's always the exceptions, but that's what they are...Exceptions!!
The way i look at it is this, ... I want to have a good broad band of common interests with a life partner. I don't want her to end up without a life of her own, by ending-up just becoming a full time carer to me in later years.
I want a partner that's going to enjoy a more laid back lifestyle, i don't want to be out at the clubs and bars every night, ....I've done that, got the t-shirt, the video, the CD and everything else that went with it!!
Not sure how you could both be emotionally, and physically compatible, let alone as those years keep passing along.... Maybe it could work quite well in the short term, like any adventure in life, but over a so called long term, .....Nah, Trouble to say the least!! haha!!
You see i don't think it's fair to take a much younger lady as a wife. As years go on, she will be deprived of her enjoyment of life. She will still be young enough, to want to go out, maybe dancing, maybe to enjoy sporting activities, all sorts of things. Instead she stands every chance of being stuck at home being a carer for a husband that can't do too much for himself, for one reason or another. Now that would be bad enough for a wife of a similar age to her husband, but when your 20,25,30 younger that him, ...What sort of life is that for a young woman???
Nah, .... not for me thanks!!
David....
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Why stop there Vince? As long as you can get up and go then get up and go. When it is my turn to die hopefully I will be healthy but I want to go doing something I enjoy. When my father passed we were watching television with him, his favorite show, when the commercial came my ex-wife looked at him and he was gone. I just as soon go working in the yard or on the golf course or well... you know!!!!!:icon_cheesygrin: