China Romance
All About China => Share your love story => Topic started by: JimB on August 09, 2009, 07:45:14 pm
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This will be my third trip to China within a year. September of 08, an almost total bust trip. March 2009, could have been one, but turned out as the trip that changed my life. I met and became engaged with my Yunxiang or as I call her Angel. Tomorrow I will board a plane at 8 AM in Chattanooga, Tn. and will land in Beijing at 8:05 PM on Tuesday. Beijing time. I have also take an early retirement to do this. I will be met by my Angel and taken to our home that she has created for us. I have seen pictures of it and am impressed with it. it is in a good area, 12th floor with a glassed in balcony off of the bedroom with an amazing view of the city. Fully furnished and all utilities included except internet for $600. USD per month. or a short tern lease at $800 a month. Internet $14.00 usd for broadband. There we are going to stay for at least 2 months.
On August 18th we are flying to Wuhan where we will be married with her family in attendance. Then one week later back to Beijing. i do not know at this point where we will go after this. We have decided to stay mostly in our "home" with each other. we will go traveling the first month as she has the month off. After that I have not decided yet. we are just going to play it by ear. (as far as I know anyway, hehe) Of course this is a big step as we here know. If someone had told me a year ago my life would be on this track i would have told them they were crazy. I am 58 years old coming out of a 30 year marriage. i just knew i did not want another woman like my ex wife. And most American women I know were just too much like her. I have always been attracted to Asian women since I was in Vietnam. I had a serious relationship then. But the war got in the way, I was wounded and spent a year in the hospital. I was never able to get back there. (That is why Chong says he is my illegitimate son). Anyway. I will attempt to keep all who is interested informed of my journey as well. I have not had my blog set up as yet, but I will try later this evening and put the whereabouts here. I am looking forward to hooking up with Irish and then at some point i want to hook up with Chong as well. (Maybe we will go to his birthplace together, hehe.) Anyone who comes to Beijing, you can contact me and I will do anything I can to help. or just grab a meal together and compare notes. Anyone who wants me to check up on a woman there, I will, (although, Angel has said she will go with me, hehe) I have most certainly lain awake at night considering this big move. But when I get on QQ, talk to her and see her, I know why and am certain this is the right thing to do.
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I have always been attracted to Asian women since I was in Vietnam. I had a serious relationship then. But the war got in the way, I was wounded and spent a year in the hospital. I was never able to get back there. (That is why Chong says he is my illegitimate son).
... and you can also say "Hi" to my siblings ... "Pho Duong" [ your OTHER son ] & "Phuong Ngo" [ your daughter ] ... didn't know you had "Triplets", eh ??? Looking forward to seeing you, Dad. We can make up for the 47 lost years of abandonment. :icon_cool:
Have A Great Time With Angel !!!
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Have a wonderful Trip and a lovely Wedding , Jim . As I will never forget the wonderful thing you did way back when , not getting involved with another Woman . One does not forget those kind of ... what can I say ? you proofed your Love for just this Woman , that is going to be your Wife . All the best to you and your Son Chong .
Happyness to you and Angel alway's .
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JimB did you happen to get to Scotland?....DAD.........lol:angel:
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JimB did you happen to get to Scotland?....DAD.........lol:angel:
Yeah, I think Sarge also fought in "The Wars of Scottish Independence" during which he was involved in a serious relationship with a local Scottish lassie.
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Did you do a DNA check on Chong... :icon_biggrin:
I hope you will keep us posted as much as you can. Soon you will also write in the tread about married men and their marriage with Chinese women "Daily life of a married man"
Have a really good time !!!
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Yes Peter I would really like to have JimB imput on married to a Chinese women.While living in China.I think that would add a hole new demention to it.
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What you don't know what the word means.Sorry Mike.It puts a different spin on the thread My life as a married man.See my wife lives in the states with me.JimB he is going to be living with his wife in China.So I would really like to hear what he has to say about Living in China with his wife
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I think you meant to write the word ... "dimensions".
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I thought demention was a new word that was the plural form or multiple application of the term dementia ....
something my ex has
:icon_cheesygrin:
Well, it's something that us guys have for sure ... for going through this crazy abnormal process of finding a Chinese bride ..... hahahahahaha :icon_cheesygrin:
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Ok, I am in Seoul waiting for my connection to Beijing. I had the best flight from Atlanta to Seoul. KAL, bumped me up to business class on their 747. That is the only way to fly this type of trip if you can get it. The seats actually fold out into beds. On demand TV. only two seats to a side. 1 stew for 12 passengers. I love KAL. But never, never take an extra baggage. $200 and at every change they hold you up to make sure you paid for it. I cannot sleep on the plane though. Never could. So, i have 2 hours here waiting for my connection. Nice free wifi in the airport though. I talked to Angel before leaving Atlanta, she is going to meet me and take me home. First things first. Shower. then none of your business. Will talk to you all later. This will be different. The adventure continues.
I fought in a couple of wars, but never went to Scotland. Although I did have a scottish terrier. lol
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Jim did you fly into Atlanta from Tenn.? How'd you get bumped up to first class? I want to do that too? :icon_biggrin:
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Ok, I am in Seoul waiting for my connection to Beijing. I had the best flight from Atlanta to Seoul. KAL, bumped me up to business class on their 747. That is the only way to fly this type of trip if you can get it. The seats actually fold out into beds. On demand TV. only two seats to a side. 1 stew for 12 passengers. I love KAL. But never, never take an extra baggage. $200 and at every change they hold you up to make sure you paid for it. I cannot sleep on the plane though. Never could. So, i have 2 hours here waiting for my connection. Nice free wifi in the airport though. I talked to Angel before leaving Atlanta, she is going to meet me and take me home. First things first. Shower. then none of your business. Will talk to you all later. This will be different. The adventure continues.
I fought in a couple of wars, but never went to Scotland. Although I did have a scottish terrier. lol
Seoul has free showers in the airport. Shower there!
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I am pretty sure he is old enough to have fought with William Wallace...FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOMMMMMMMMMMMMM
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Vince,
They said they were reconfiguring the plane and said since this is my third trip with them, they bumped me up. It was
Business class nor first class. They had the door to the first class cabin closed and you could not get in. I really wanted to see what that was like. hehe
I did not see the showers in Seoul. next time. I will know.
Okay, Left Seoul 40 minutes late. they set me to this really cute Korean girl of 29. Who spoke English. We had a good time. She was funny. We ended up exchanging e mails and she may call Angel this week. She is sending me the phone pics we took. Because i know nobody would believe it. It must be that when I tell them I am engaged it gets their motors going or something. She asked me if I would show her Beijing. I told her only if Angel could come along. She said she would call. Yea.
Got in, not one check anywhere other than showing my passport to the entry guard. That is it. No temp taken, no x rays, nothing. I do not know if it was coming in from Korea or what. I was the only round eye on the plane. Everyone else was Asian. Got my 4 bags of luggage, yes four bags. One is filled with gifts though. Really it is. One whole large suitcase. But, I want to make a good impression on the new family. Got some cute new nieces who are 7 and 8 years old. took Scotts idea, and got them Yo yo's. Just as a little added thing. Thanks Scott. Found her out in the waiting area pacing back and forth. I saw her before she saw me. She looked worried. It did my heart good to see her. Anyway I took off down the ramp to where she was. Grabbed her and even though she was uncomfortable, I kissed her and swung her around. She laughed and said I was a crazy westerner. She had hired a car so the driver grabbed my luggage and off we went to our home. This is rally nice, she has done a great job with the little things making it ours. It is a really great place. 12th floor with one glassed in porch and one great window off of the living room giving a spectacular view of the city. I quickly grabbed a shower and off to bed. I really was exhausted. Like I said, none of your business. This morning we woke early and just lounged around in bed. I got the computer hooked up to our internet connection and am doing my updates while she is cooking breakfast. i can see her from where I am at. I cannot keep mind on what I am doing cause I see her being a wife. And it does my heart good. When we arrived last night it was dark out. About 5 am this morning I got up to get something to drink and walked out into the kitchen all nauralle looked up and saw my neighbor standing on his balcony not 5 feet away. I did a movie double take and shot back into the bedroom closing the door. I peeked out and he was just standing there staring at the spot I was just standing at. ( How to impress new neighbors. 101.) I do not know whether he was thinking he dreamed this, seeing some white guy standing in a kitchen naked or if he really saw it. I think I will really get some kitchen drapes today. Well, she is calling me in to eat. She wont let me do a thing. She said, go play on the computer while I do my job. I think I hit a home run. Except, she hasnt got the main ring on yet. Oh, by the way, they want you to drink everything hot. Even milk. Very, Very hard for me to do. But, I am keeping my mouth shut because “it is good for you”.
After breakfast she clued me into the weeks activities, I started grabbing the dishes, again. Go play with the computer. She is cleaning up and doing the dishes. Also doing laundry from yesterday. Guys, I am telling you I can get used to this. I love this woman. More in a couple of days.
jim
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Jim , isn't it aweful how those Women treat us ? We might have to loose ALL our western way's for them ? Hahahaha
This is what it's all about , a Woman that really Loves you and cares for you . Make you want to kiss this whole Country to thank them for having such wonderful Wife's for us .:icon_wink:
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Tonight we went out to Pizza Hut for dinner. Met my new semi Niece and her mother. The reason I say this is that, Zhang is Angels best friend from Beijing. Cynthia is her daughter. She has been calling me uncle Jim since Angel and I became engaged. She is coming to the states to ger her Masters degree in hotel Management. Now here is a cute girl. 23 years old, speaks excellent English, great personality and a lot of fun. I am going to take care of her when I get back to the States. She will be in Miami though. So I will have to watch out for her. She will have guys crawling after her. Anyway tomorrow mornig she is coming over so we can find her a laptop. We are shopping on E bay and a few other places. She cannot believe laptops are so cheap there.
PIzza Hut, is similar to the ones in the states with a few exceptions. Pizza's are not big and round. They are medium sized and square. You can get them with all sorts of toppings, sea food etc. They have a fruit bar par excellence. Anyway the four of us sat and ate. Cynthia and I talked with her mama and Angel talking. then headed out to some shops to find things for tomorrow. Stores here are different. it is hard to describe except that imagine 4 floors, all one store except they have little booths that sell everything from soup to nuts, with computer parts, memory, dvd players, all sorts of electronics. Live seafood including turtles, snakes and you name it. Similar to Wal Mart except China style. We bought some peaches, fresh baked bread and cheesecake. I will make breakfast of peach pancakes when Qingqing gets back on the 14th. then we walked home. It is hot here though. In the 90's, even at 8 PM. I love this woman more and more. truly.
My internal clock is all screwed up right now. So we were just laying around and dozing off and on. She said Ok, it is time for lunch. She whipped out a huge bowl of home made dumplings that she had been working on earlier. Manna from heaven. Not spicy but just enough and a huge bowl just for myself. (hear that Dinger and Bong?) After lunch, I cannot help. so back to bed I go. She picks out a movie from the internet. "Shooter" with Mark Wahlberg. She says she really likes this movie. Guys, can it get any better? She likes action adventure movies, wants to take care of me, cooks up a storm. Does my laundry every night. I have hit the friggin jackpot. Thank you China. I have died and gone to heaven. Tonight I get a full massage because I am still not relaxed enough.
I am meeting all of her friends. Both on the internet and in person. her former teacher stopped by today after meeting me she said i was very handsome but too fat. They tells it like they sees it. It is hard to take but I do understand they are not being rude, just honest. She tells me i am a very lucky man to which I replied I know that very well.
Tonight I just met another good friend. she is a nurse in Wuhan with a husband who is the commander of the police in Wuhan. good contacts, but be very careful Jim of things you want to do, with the ex.
Anyway tomorrow is another day. I am having a great time so far.
Jim
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Jim, sounds like your having the time of your life, keep it up and have more fun and by all means try and relax.
By the way those dumpling are great aren't they?
Okay, she cooks, does laundry, gives massages, likes the same type of movies you do and has connections with the police, what more could a guy ask for, so when are you getting married you lug head? :icon_biggrin:
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Getting Married the 21st, do you think i am that stupid not too? I am not letting this one get away.
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Well Jim , why should you ? Her name is Angel and she is acting like one . Good for you , nine more day's and you'll be on Cloud Nine . Does she play the Harp or the Pipa ?
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Wednesday the 13th.
We had lunch with three of her friends today. The Generals wife paid. WOW! She is a character though. Cynthia was there to translate for me. She was blushing a couple of times. Her husband is a General in the army and I guess she hung around the barracks. lol. She said that word is that American Mens sex drive was more than that of Chinese men and was Angel sore yet. When Cynthia told me that I just started cracking up. Everyone else was blushing. She turned to Angel and said Ok. She looked at me and said she was going to fix Angel up with an Officer. I grabbed the knife from the table and pointed it at her. then she looked back at me and said, I know how to use a gun. I told her so do I and I have been to war have you? That was it, she came over and gave me a hug. She started laughing and said OK, you can have him, he is ok. I think I have made a friend. She did call me fat though. she said she and I were both fat, that was why we sweat so much. She does not hold anything back. You always know where you stand with her. I really like her.
It is so hot here in Beijing so we go back to the apartment in the afternoon where it is cooler. we will go to the park this evening when it is cooler. Not very exciting stuff, but it is the time to really get to know each other in person with nothing else in the way. In my opinion the week will be the final stepping stone. We already know but it is nice to confirm. BUT, a new wrinkle was added in today. baby talk was started. that is one of the first things I said when we started this. I do not want another child. First I am too old to be a new daddy. I love kids, but someone else's. Secondly, I want us to travel now that i am retired. It is very hard to do with a new baby. So I will have to wait and see if this was a momentary thing or if it is something that is going to really be a problem. 24 hour rule at least on this. Qingqing comes home tomorrow. So it will be the three of us for a few days before flying to Wuhan. Lunch with baby brother tomorrow. more later.
One more thing I forgot. We went to a supermarket today to buy some things. While there I decided to take a couple of pictures to show how it was pretty much the same as in the US, after a\bout 3 shots, the general manager came up to me shouting, "NO Pictures, NO Pictures. Put camera away or I take". It is really funny, I have taken pictures all over China and never had a problem, except in a supermarket. Now that is strange. I understand about security but that was funny.
Jim
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8 more days Jim, 8 more days.
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(2) She is serious about the baby, so instead of 24 hour rule, it may need to be 24 month rule in this case! These Chinese women think no man is too old to have a new baby!!!
Yeah tell me about it Hahaha, your next JimB LOL
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Scott,
It was dark when we arrived in the apartment and I did not see the neighbors balcony that close. So I did not know there was one. Surprise!!
Yes, I imagine you are right. There will be conflicts. I am keeping my cool. I hope. She brought up the question of the baby again. I reminded her of our first conversation about this. she remembered but would hope I change my mind. I said I will think about it. But in truth. No way. So I will tell her that tomorrow after I think long and hard.
Jim
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Jim tell her what I told my lady (if it's the same? hehe) I told her everything works fine down there without any pills for help. But with age allot of the swimmers have retired. So the odds of having a baby are slim. If it happens it happens. At this age? I like kids too. As long as I can hand them back to the parents.
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I did not mean I was going to tell her NO WAY. that was for yall. I will be more diplomatic about it. I already told her I had a vasectomy years ago. It would take a lot to have it reversed. So I have set it up already
Vince,
Thanks for the offer on Cynthia, I will take you up on it. I will give you her e mail. She also has to chnge airports in New York, which worries me for her. She speaks excellent English. But I worry anyway. She is the sweetest girl. I feel like her american father.
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Jim, now that the neigbour has seen the goods (:angel:) maybe she now want a baby....lol:blush::angel::icon_biggrin:
sorry mate just saw that the neighbour was male....heheheh
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What do you want to bet that the next morning most of the neighborhood was visiting the neighbor to get a look?
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Maybe the neighbor thought he saw a ghost? a white blurry thing in the darkness. He might have set up camera's by now wanting to catch a photo.
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People are looking at me funny in the neighborhood. But I do not know if it is that or just because I am the only Westerner here. I think it just happened so fast that he is not sure what he saw.
Qingqing came home today with her cousin in tow. They are only going to be here for about 3 days because Qingqing has a beauty pageant in Shanghai on Saturday. It went as well as could be expected. She was happy because of the gifts she received from me. And she made an effort to get along. so good start.
Well Lunch today with little brother, his wife and my newest girlfriend. their 5 year old daughter Zhou Zhou. She is adorable. We were at the restaurant, momma handed her a rubics cube and in 15 minutes it was done. 5 years old. She is a little mother. Takes care of everybody. She raised her glass and said in English, welcome Uncle Jim. We ate in a Korean BBQ place. good food. For those who do not know, in China a BBQ place is where there is a sort of grill in the middle of the table. they bring out raw food and you cook it to your taste. Good idea. 7 of us for under 50 USD. we had leftovers. We had a good time, then everyone came back to the apartment. Angel, Qingqing, cousin and Zhou Zhou went clothes shopping for Qingqing for her pageant. Leaving brother in law and sister in law alone with me. neither of them speak english, however with the Besta we had a pretty good time. Got along really well. Later when they came back, Angel cooked a dinner. Now this is where I would like to draw the line with Qingqing. Angel cooked for 7 people, she could not sit at the table because there were not enough chairs, so I would have had the two girls sit on the couch and eat. But, kept my mouth shut. Angel had to stand next to me. She would not let me get up and no one else made the effort. So she was like a waitress. I tried three times to get her to sit down and eat with us. she just said it was her job. She cooked, then cleaned up and did dishes. No one else even offered except me and she would not hear of it. Later we all went for a walk in the park when it cooled off. LIke I said we are not doing anything exciting, just being together. By the way the jacks and the Yo Yo was a big hit. everyone tried the YoYo and got a laugh. Zhou Zhou loved the jacks game. she must have played it for 3 hours.(Just a heads up guys). When I asked Zhou if she would like to learn to count in English, she shook her head yes. So I grabbed one jack and she said in English, One, then tow all the way to ten. All I could do was laugh. She said did I learn English? I said you are doing much better than your Uncle. He cant count to ten in Chinese.
Each day I love her more. I could not ask for a better wife than this woman. If anything i need to tone her down a bit.. Time to go to bed. These exciting days are taking their toll. lol.
PS. I can not get on any blogs or facebook from here. Must be blocked.
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Great update Sarge. Yes, the blogs and facebook have been blocked for awhile. Don't worry about reading our blogs though...keep up the great work with yours.
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Now the down side begins. Qingqing. She announced this morning that she is not going to the wedding. She signed up for a pageant that lasts 10 days in Shanghai. She can not leave even for a few hours. She did this about two weeks ago. Knowing the wedding date and that I had purchased non refundable tickets from Beijing to Wuhan. This little girl needs a good spanking. She acts like she is 5 years old. I know this was all done to hurt her mother. but, with the next breath she wants us to go shopping with her to buy clothes for the pageant. I told Angel, I will not spend any money in this. I have brought her a lot of gifts when I came. So we will see if I am now welcome to go.
Angel just go a call from the hospital. Her good friend died this morning. I do not know what happened but will update later. Qingqing and her cousin and I are in the house. I am in the bedroom writing this. While she pouts that we havent left for shopping. it is all I can do to keep my mouth shut. I will though. I am not going to interfere as yet.
And Scott. I am not exaggerating one bit. Every word was true. I am marrying my dream wife. we will see what happens when the ring goes on. lol If she keeps up half I will be ecstatic.
I havent heard from Irish, has anyone?
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Sarge yes you got it right don't interefere.Baby girl does need a attitude adjustment.I can't beleave that she is showing you and her mother no face.
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Jim, great update. Alway's good to see somebody else as happy as I am.
About Irish ? He must of ran into Ling "ONE" with Ling "TWO" and just having a blast. No time to post.:icon_cheesygrin:
Anyway, nobody misses Hajo? He's disappeared just as fast. From now on , anybody leaving for China ... must sign a Contract to post his Adventure here on a daily bases.:@
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Apparently there is a complete blackout where he is at. i talked to Zhang, Angels friend who is from there. She said things heated up again and there is a total blackout. Dont know any more than that. We just talked to her a few hours ago so anything new I will post also.
More on Qingqing in the next update. Frankly I am glad she is leaving tomorrow for Shanghai. When I get her to the states there will be a complete overhaul on this little kid.
At least with me keeping my mouth shut, Angel and I are having a great time. we are getting closer and closer day by day. I do not want to blow that. We cannot keep our hands off of each other. but, i mean in the sense of just wanting to touch or hug, laying there watching a movie or just practicing our languages. we spend an hour each day going over English and Chinese. We cannot pass each other without touching or giving a quick kiss. I still feel like I am 16 again with my first love.
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Jim... Sorry i guess i am a bit late to send my best wishes to you and your Angel for the approaching wedding day in 6 days! Great story so far.
Dont you think you need to spend more time with your new daughter. She is too young and your going to change her whole life with all those things she was and is accustomed to. Maybe she even thinks your going to steal her mother or acts out of pure jealousy of her mother loving anybody else than just her. She havent grasp it yet that she´ll win a great daddy as well? It takes simply its time.
Arnold... Your right. Its 15th. I guess Hajo is sitting next to Vicky now on a plane with a just married flag flying back home asking himself " Is It Real "?! and i´m sure Jim gonna ask himself the same question in a few days!
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JimB, you'll be happy to know that the wanting to just touch hands or on the arm or a quick passing kiss will never go away, we still do this, some time when i am working on the computer for a while, she will walk by behind me and just touch, very lightly on the side of my face as she walks by, this is her way of letting me know two things, 1) that she love me and 2) that she thinks I have worked long enough for one day,
Enjoy all of this, its grea, and soon you will find that you are doing the same with her if you aren't already.
happy for you Jim, isn't :heart: great.
Hajo is so far in I can't believe this is real land he has forgotten completly about us for the time being LOL
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Yes, well I actually tried that last night. I brought out a deck of cards asking her if she would like to learn a new game. It took a bit of persuasion but she played. The problem was it was a game where there was no way for me to let her win. So I beat the crap out of her. That was that. Yesterday, we did go shopping and she did not ask me for anything at all. As a matter of fact she bought us dinner. Bought me a drink. Problem was at 5 am I got the Beijing Bloat. I have been sicker than a dog all day. It was probably something I ate or drank, but jesus. Angel is really taking care of me. She is so cute, she is soo worried about me. This morning she got up and went to the hospital and got every kind of drug there was for this, plus some for the heart. She said that this bug puts a strain on your heart. I wasnt there when Qingqing got the drink, so I have my suspicions. But later in the evening she went to Mama and said she needed 1200 Yuan for her trip. I told Mama that was fine if she wanted to, it was her decision. Privately I will not enable that type of behavior.
So I have been following her advice. Drinking hot water and the whole bit. I am feeling better this afternoon. But very weak. And Qingqing is now gone for a month. Apparently this AM she signed up for an additional set of competitions which will put her back just in time to start school.
Plus you all know I have been in a couple of wars, this morning at 7 am world war three started under my . When I actually crawled outfrom under the bed. I found out that when a person of note dies, they set off a ton of fireworks near where he lived. I am telling you it really sounded like it started off with a grenade launch and grew from there. If I wasnt so sick I would have gotten a chuckle out of it. Still a bit weak. See you all later.
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Hope you feel better soon Jim, at least now you won't have to put up with Qingqings nonsense for a while
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Wow Jim, I'm sorry to hear about the sudden illness. Your doing the right thing though. Do what she tells you. I caught a cold, all-be-it not as bad as the sound of yours, and my wife had me back on my feet in 2 days.
Best wishes to ya man! Keep restin! We need more daily updates from ya.
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I feel a little bit better today. Still going to take it easy. Want to be well on my feel for the wedding. I am going to miss a special Peking Duck dinner today. Brother in law had it set up. Specially raised ducks and everything. Maybe some other time after we get back. Slept most of yesterday and all of last night. Still woozy and running to the toilet. So will sign off for now. Has anyone still not heard from Irish?
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Or will he ever want too:angel:
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Feeling much better this evening. I stayed home again all day and laid around. Finally felt good enough to get something to eat. I actualy lost one belt notch in the last 2 days. Benny, Lisa and Zhang come over. Angel was goingto make dinner again \but Itold her she had been doing too much so we went out to a cafeteria. I took it easy on my eating though. So felt pretty good. Afterwards they all came over and just spent the evening like a family. Talking and kidding around. Zhang has spent 27 years in the military and her father was in some sort of "Program" for many years. I told her it could be funny that either me or my father could have fought against her father as he was an advisor in both Korea and Viet Nam. I starting laughing about it but she did not think it was that funny so I changed the subject. We NEVER talk politics. Angel is not political anyway. I think we may have had a total of two conversations about it, and both were to the effect that we do not discuss it. She knows I am a loyal American, I fought for my country and was wounded in Viet Nam and that other little war Grenada, (Yes I know no one was ever wounded in Grenada).
Other than that it was just a pleasant evening at home except I could not understand three quarters of what was said. I do know that I was the butt of a few jokes that I could not understand. I know they were kidding and Benny filled me in. Angel finally got along with Lisa. I made it plain that Angel was my woman when lisa was there so there would be no jealousy. It worked so now they can be friends. Lisa is the nicest girl. Very feminine. someone needs to get to her or they will lose out on a beautiful pleasant old fashioned woman.
I have been noticing that when we are out in public, I have not seen one pregnant woman. I have seen plenty of women with children, but not one pregnant. I mean I could have missed them of course but it seems sort of funny with that many people in Beijing you would miss that. I asked benny, he said most pregnant women stay home and do not go out. I thought that was a lie and said come on. He said it was true. The other thing I have noticed here is that of all the women i see on the street or in the buildings 80 % go from cute to pretty to beautiful. I am not exaggerating. I have really been looking. My standards are pretty high also. 80% of that about 50% are cute 40% pretty and 10% downright beautiful. Just some of my musings. If I had to do it over again I would not switch Angel with anyone, except maybe play around for about a year first. LOL. A guy my age with a very little money could have a blast here dating a different woman every night if you wanted to and not one would you be ashamed to take home to show off. they are all that good.
I would not change anyone for Angel. She is going to be the perfect wife for me. As I write this she is putting her feet on my back, telling me it is time to quit and come to bed. Yes baby.
More later.
Jim,
PS I am getting a little worried about Irish. this is not like him going this long with no word. he has my address.
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JimB I'm like you I'm getting a little worried about Irishman.No word for days.
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Irishman is just building up our anticipation.
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Its been 7 days and no word from Ronan.
The women in China are all beautiful for some one, just not all are for me, just one is perfect for me, now that I covered my butt..., thay are pretty aren't they. :icon_cheesygrin:
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I told her it could be funny that either me or my father could have fought against her father as he was an advisor in both Korea and Viet Nam. I starting laughing about it but she did not think it was that funny so I changed the subject. We NEVER talk politics. Angel is not political anyway. I think we may have had a total of two conversations about it, and both were to the effect that we do not discuss it.
Jim, My wife never showed the least bit political when I was there. I believe this is the conditioning in her culture since when I tried to take a pic of the guards outside the government building, she quickly pulled the camera down and said "No. They're the people. They are protected.". It doesnt take a genius to figure out she's telling me it's not a good idea but although she prevented me from potentially commiting a crime by photographing them, she also never mentions her opinions of their politics. I believe she just accepts it as the moon or the sky. It just is....
My wife and I never had any conversation of politics when i was there and I bet we will hardly ever talk politics since I learned she loves her country very much and does not argue with it's policies, and neither do I about mine. The exception for me is I can vote and hope my vote causes the diference.
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I knew I was family once my father-in-law brought up politics with me. We even spoke of Mao. My wife and I have spoken of American politics before, and I spoke of Chinese politics with my college-age translators for my wife's family in the past.
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This afternoon we went to my brother in laws hospital. If you can call it that. it is like a country club in a park setting. i kid you not. it is huge with winding trails going by waterfalls connected to a lake that has walkways all around. to walk around it is about 10 miles. It has paddlewheel boats, electric boats, kayaks and big wheel replica to handle about 15 people. It is one of the most famous hospitals in the country. It specializes in orthopedics. It has 1,000 doctors with about 3500 nurses. My brother in law is only 39 years old so he is stil one of the younger ones there. But, when he leaves and goes back to Wuhan, he will be in very high demand. he says about 5 more years experience. His wife and my little girlfriend still live in Wuhan and come up once a month and he goes down once a month. He rents a tiny two room apartment one bedroom/kitchen/living room and a bathroom. it costs him 3000 rmb a month. Rather expensive but he is close to the hospital and he doesnt need much so he stays there. He apologized like crazy stating he could not make t to the wedding but he had to work and could not get out of it at all. Work comes first with this family. Mama and Baba put a very strong work ethic in. So anyway he says to make up for it he is taking us out to get Peking Duck. Not just any Peking duck but a place only the locals know about and get the real thing. Specially raised and fed just for this place. I took a couple of pics. the duck was out of sight. how you eat duck is this. Take a crepe type of bread, place your duck in the middle. pour on some special sauce, (to me it tasted like a BBQ sauce). Put your sliced scallions and lettuce stalks. Roll it up and eat. we also had duck soup with big pieces of duck in it. A duck type of soup with just about everything imaginable in it. Sliced tofu, peas, potatoes, you name it. About 5 courses for 6 people. 200 yuan. (No wonder he volunteered to pay.) Just incredible. They were telling me that downtown the same meal in a big restaurant would run about 900 yuan. Still cheap but man.
Now we are home and packed up to leave in the morning. We have a 7 AM flight to Wuhan. Will come back in 5 days. We do have internet in the hotel. But will probably be very busy with family and so on. Speaking of which, I feel totally at home here. really. Completely comfortable even with the language difficulty. My brother in law and sister in law already treat me like family. And tell me that they know she and I will be together forever. Angel and I have fallen into a sort of routine already that shows we are totally comfortable with each other. it is so great. We were meant to be together. I am old enough to know that we will have difficulty but as long as we can keep our sense of humor about it. We will be fine. we have had the racist conversations of the people in both the US and China. we do not care what anyone else thinks or says.
The only problem that has cropped up is the baby thing. She really wants one. i do not. I finally told her that I would have the operation and if it is supposed to be it will happen, if not that is the end of it. I do know that it will not work so I am not concerned.
Still no word from Irish. OK Ronan, enough, come up for air just long enough to tell us you are OK. I know he went to Tianjin and his girl was ling, that is all I know. I know two people from tianjin plus a new brother in law in the secret police. I do not want to start off asking him for favors but I will if necessary.
Jim
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Thanks for the update Jim!
/envy
Irish passed though earlier I think, left a quick note in the shoutbox
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Lets start with yesterday. Got up early and of course it was raining. Angel, being the smart woman she is, had hired a car. He came all the way into the complex and helped us with our clothes. Now of course I overpacked. But I have been having to shower at least 2 times a day. It has been so terribly hot and humid. I will drench a shirt in about 5 minutes. It seems the humidity has been about 90%. Anway, we get to the airportone hour and 15 minutes early. With all of the delays we never stopped between sections and just made the plane. Now here we are all packed in, full flight. I am drenched in sweat. On comes the pilot, we are being delayed due to the weather, please sit tight and we will inform you when we can take off. He shuts down the plane. No air conditioning. I feel awful. Stuffy, no air and in the middle seat. I am just about ready to say the hell with it and get off after 45 minutes when the engines start and he says we are now 4th in line for takeoff. At least the air comes on. Finally we take off, no problems. 2 hours later we land in Wuhan. My “Secret Police” is going to pick us up. Ok, the story of the Secret Police. I kept wondering why it wasn’t a big Secret. It turns out that “Secret police is that he is a Detective. True a highly placed one, but still a detective. He has a car and a driver assigned to him. The driver sucks, really. He kept stalling out the car, it is a stick shift and actually hit a guy on a motorcycle. But not bad enough to cause problem. No one said anything. I kept the smiles to myself. He took us to the hotel. A howard Johnsons 5 star. Really nice even has an inside pool. We got to our room and Angel did not like it. It had two double beds instead of a King size like she wanted. The bell boy called downstairs. No more rooms available, there is a conference going on. By the way brother inlaws name is jimbao. Easy for me to remember. So Jimbao got on the phone in 5 minutes the desk called and had us an upgraded room at the same discounted price as the other one. This had a king size bed and a sitting room with a sofa and three chairs. It is still who you know. We had a pleasant day, he took us to a very nice lunch and paid for it. Wow. We went back to the hotel and took a nap. It is about 100 degrees in Wuhan. Then we took a taxi to Mamas house for dinner. She made two huge platters of dumplings. Plus the other items. Eat your hearts out Dinger and Bonk. These were absolutely the best dumplings I have had. She kept filling my plate up with them until I had them coming out of my ears. Then we sat around and talked. LanLan, Angels best friend arranged for an interpreter for us. Now the girl is not a good one but at least she could speak both languages. Brother in law started talking politics with me. So I guess I am family after all. He talked rather frankly and asked me the same. Interesting conversation. Then it was time to go. They walked us down to the taxi. I grabbed Mama and gave her a big hug. She hugged me back and started crying. She said when I get rich, I want you to buy a house in Wuhan. I said I would do my best. What else could I say. We got back to the hotel. It is on the Yangtze river. Beautiful view. Then Angel said we had to get up early. I said wny, and she said we are going to registerour marriage tomorrow. I said what happened to the 21st. She just said we are too busy so it will be tomorrow. I said ok.
Today.
We got up around 7:30 took our showers and ate breakfast in the hotel. Then the interpreter shows up and off we go. I had paid Vistaright a total of about $165 to get the paperwork done for my single certificate. They told me everything was fine. I get to the office. The woman behind the desk says it is a no go. What? She says it needs to be interpreted into Chinese. I said I thought it was. She said no it wasn’t. Christ. She gives us a card to take to another place about 5 miles away. Into a cab and off we go. I am cussing most of the way. Of course under my breath. I am going to have it out with them when I get back. Trust me. I am telling anyone else right now. Stop doing business with them until it gets cleared up. They have supposedly done this correctly for a very long time. Anyway we go and get it done, wait 2 hours. Get back to the government office at 11:am. The woman said she did not know if we had time to get it done today. They close at 11:30 and wont be back until Friday. I did not want to try a bribe because you never know what kind of heat that might bring down. I just smiled and asked nicely if she could please try, it was very important to us as we had to get back to Beijing before Friday. She was a nice kid and said OK. Now here comes the funny part. On the application it asks what is the highest education do you have. I said a BS degree. She asked what that was. I said of Bachelor of Science degree. She said you are no longer going to be a bachelor. I thought she was kidding so I laughed. She did not. She asked again. What is the highest education do you have? I said a Bachelor of Science in Criminal Justice. She said that is no longer good as you will be married. All I could think of was Who’s on first. It was all I could do to not crack up. I finally got it through to her that that was what it was called, not my marital status. She said OK, but I hope they let it through. We finally get it all done. We are now married. We exchange the rings and get our red books. Angel has decided to take my name. So she is now Burk Shi Yunxiang. She does not want to be called Angel. She does not feel right. Her English name is Gina Burk. Ok whatever she wants. So tomorrow we will have the dinner. We were going to have it at the hotel. But they wanted a minimum of 10,000 Yuan. Plus. So we head to the fancy restaurant down the street.
Now Qingqing calls her mama. She wants to come to Wuhan when her competition is done. She wants us to buy her plane ticket so she can come see her boyfriend. I can no longer hold my tongue. This is the last straw. I tell Angel, there is no way in the world I will buy a ticket for her. If she wants to come to Wuhan. She needs to do whatever she has to do to earn the money. She could not come to our wedding buy she can come to see her boyfriend. BS, no frickin way. Angel turns to me and says OK. She tells Qingqing, so she hangs up on her Mama. This kid has some serious issues.
Tonight we go to dinner with my Secret Police brother in law his wife and daughter. We then take a walk along the Yangtze river. People in the park doing exercises, old people doing their Kata. That is what I would like to start doing. So we are back in the room. I am going to take another shower. Then hit the sack. Well, I am a married man again. It feels good.
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JimB Congrats to both of you mate, hope to be in the same club soon...;-))
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Congratulations Jim & "Gina"
As for the daughter I would have done the same. :@
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On most forms, when they ask for education, they want to know years. For example most Chinese will have a 9th grade education, but my M.Div is considered 18th grade. They keep counting grades past 12th grade, where the numbers end in America.
Jim, for Americans, in most, if not all provinces of China, you have to have the single certificate translated and re-notarized in China at the province's official translator's office. You are lucky as this translation usually takes many days!
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I said what happened to the 21st. She just said we are too busy so it will be tomorrow.
Another man who enters the "tomorrow" club. Martin was first, I was second, and now JimB. LOL. Dont ya just love to hear your getting married "tomorrow"? I'm gonna be laughing about this all day long.
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Jim and Gina, Congratulations!!!
It took you long enough LOL, happy for you both, as far as the daughter, over the knee.
Ed, where do I fit in there? or don't I?
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Ed is referring to..."Oh, by the way, we are getting married tomorrow".
Congrats Sarge. I am happy to hear the trip is going well. No real surprise about the daughter though...glad to see you were able to put your foot down.
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Jim b,
He probably is secret police by the way, but no matter, he is going to be a very useful ali to you in the future, so stay in his good books. ...haha!! You will be surprised at what this guy can get done for you, just by picking up a phone!! You are SO very right in what you say, ''It it definitly a case of WHO you know'' in China....
Congratulations on your big day... And All the Very Best For Your Future Together Jim & Gina....
(That so called wedding ceromony is just a registration isn't it!! lol!! a couple of signatures ....and your married, your not even sure when you actually become married until someone tells you, ..you are!! ....haha!!)
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Congratulations Dad ... You made your son proud. If she's 'Gina', can we call you 'Gino' ??? :icon_cheesygrin:
Hey Dad ... I want to come visit you & step-mother ... can you buy me a ticket ??? :icon_cool:
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Congratulations Jim and Gina!! excellent story so far and a wonderfull result. As for the daughter thing yea I would do the same also.Hopefully time will bring her round.
Best wishes
Brian
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Hey Sarge I think it's time to put your foot down with your delinquint boy.Tell the little schmuck to quit trying to Chase the cats.And get a job.So he can buy his own plane ticket
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Congrat's Jim and Gina !!! We welcome you to the Married Only Club with open arms . Please bring the Cigar's ... we supply the Rocking Chair's .:icon_cheesygrin:
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There is something big going to happen in Wuhan tomorrow. I cannot talk about it yet as I got the information privately. it will probably make the world news. Lets just say my new family will be involved. Even Yunxiang. I am not Chinese family so I cannot go to do it. I would really stand out and be very suspicious.
I dont know if I talked about the park last night. we went for a walk along the Yangtze River. A green park runs along side. at 9 pm there were prople formed in exercise classes, kids on roller skates and roller blades. Flying lighted kites, playing badminton, mahjong, an outdoor move theater private trails for lovers to stop and kiss. A really nice place. Hardly any policemen. they are not needed. No crime there.
I was craving some western food today so we found a place that sold steaks. I went in and ordered a T Bone, medium rare. This is what i got. a 1/8 inch pan fried sort of t bone, covered in pepper and some sort of gravey and onions. With noodles and a fried egg on the side. 50 rmb, But ,we had to pay it all in advance, and when you added something you had to pay for that when you go it. That is a first for me here. Too hot to do anything else outside about 100 in the shade. So we are hanging around the hotel. Until this evening when the wedding dinner will be held. We are taking the day train back to Beijing on friday. Leave at noon and arrive at 8 PM. I wanted to see the countryside on the way back. We will see how good of an idea it is.
And she is still taking good care of me. it cracks me up when I get up inthe morning, walk into the bathroom of a 5 star hotel and see laundry hanging all over the place. Anytime I start to say something about it. she just gives me a look so I just drop it. I found like the rest of the guys, that just give her the money and let her handle everything. she is happiest that way. I do not worry about anything. She even pays for the cabs. She did come to me today and ask me if it was ok to give Qingqing some minutes on her phone. I said fine but just enough to be able to call you. so she put 100 rmb on it. of course Qingqing wanted 500 but Mama stuck to her guns. I was proud of her for that. I had better watch myself real close when she gets back so I do not get "sick" again. If I die over here she would be the first place to start looking.
Ok Son quit your belly aching. dinger is right. get your butt out and get a job if you earn a one way ticket that would be ok. You can earn the rest after you get here. Or I would probably be happy to buy your way back. lol.
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Mike ... Have a Great & Fun time with Jessica in Qingdao. 18 hours layover in Japan !!! :@ I thought my 6 hours layover in Seoul was bad !!! Are you going to hire a "Geisha" to occupy the time ? ... hehehe I'm currently back in Kaiping but too far away from Qingdao to meet up :s
Maxx ... I'll teach your boy to catch cats. When you're old & grumpy [ which isn't far away ], he'll feed you & tell you it's chicken. Just add some Mexican Salsa & Guacamole ... you won't know the difference. Heck, you have been eating 'Cat' in your local Chinese shithole and weren't wise to it.
Dad ... Are you being honor with the 'Keys' to Wuhan ??? ... or did you win the "Wuhan PowerBall Lottery" in which case ... a private jet is in order instead of a measy one-way ticket. I better get to you before ChaChing does ... :icon_cheesygrin:
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Jim... Hope you know what you have done!!... Say sharing last part of the journey with a woman your loving?! HAHA!
Your love story sounds still unbelievable. Maybe the life is really a box of chocolates...
Congratulations buddy, Wish you and Gina lots of years filled with joy and happiness. After years and years still like the first day.
Whats about the baby Gina wish to have? Still an issue?...
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Jim,
I'm from Georgia, would you buy me a plane ticket to come there?
Shaun
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We had a great family wedding dinner tonight. Only about 20 people. Everything went extremely well. I couldnt be happier with my new Chinese family. My new wife is absolutely amazing. I couldnt have asked for anyone better than she is. In everything, her first thought is of me then her. Man, I have never had that before, it is incredible. What started out to be a disaster has turned into the best thing in my life. The wedding dinner finally made it seem real. Everyone in her family and all of her friends have blessed us so she is happy about that. Apparently I have dazzled them with my BS. Now i just have to kick the little one in the ass and all would be right with the world. That is the only thing that is a hangup about this relationship. Otherwise i am the happiest man walking. I have a beautiful, loving wife who will give her all to me no matter what. She wants to work when she gets to the US for a few years. That way she can feel like she has earned her spot and all she wants me to do is stay home and rest because I have worked hard all of my life. All she wants from me is my "Husbandly duties". She is loving in every way. She wants to take care of me. She doesnt want to blow money. She wants us to have nice things, but not to excess. She dotes on me making sure I have whatever I want when I want it. She makes sure the air conditioning is just right for me. She orders my food to my liking, my drinks just the way I like them. I never have to way a word in a restaurant. She just takes care of it.
Tonight at dinner , I praised my mother in law for raising a daughter like her. I told her a promise with me is sacred. I have never knowingly broken a promise in my life. I promised to take care of her daughter to the best of my ability. Mama said that was good enough for her. She knew my word was my bond. Because everything i have said I would do, I have done.
Guys remember that. Always do what you say you will do. You will earn more respect that way. Even if it is not what they want to hear. do it like you say you will do it. That means more than anything else to them. My new brother in laws all have respect for me because of that. they have told me this. when I say something I mean it. They can count on my word as I have said. There have been a couple of things that have happened, I have stuck by my word. Even though it seemed strange and stupid, I did it anyway. Because i promised. Anyway, that is enough preaching.
there is a Wal mart in Wuhan. There is a Wu mart in Beijing. McDonalds, KFC, Century 21 real estate, hard Rock Cafe in Beijing, plus a lot more Western stores.
'In Wuhan the women are not as pretty as in Beijing. i would put it at about 30% pretty to beautiful. The prettier women in Wuhan dress sexier, maybe because it is hotter here. Well tomorrow is a big day for my wife. we are getting ready to hit the sack. All I want to do is hold my beautiful new wife.
Jim
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Jim watch out the bed don't catch fire....:angel:
He he well pleased for you mate, and what you say about 'doing what you say' thanks for the heads up...
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Guys remember that. Always do what you say you will do. You will earn more respect that way. Even if it is not what they want to hear. do it like you say you will do it. That means more than anything else to them. My new brother in laws all have respect for me because of that. they have told me this. when I say something I mean it. They can count on my word as I have said. There have been a couple of things that have happened, I have stuck by my word. Even though it seemed strange and stupid, I did it anyway. Because i promised. Anyway, that is enough preaching.
This is very true. You will lose all face if you ever do not do what you promise. A promise/pinky swear is worth its weight in gold in China.
'In Wuhan the women are not as pretty as in Beijing. i would put it at about 30% pretty to beautiful. The prettier women in Wuhan dress sexier, maybe because it is hotter here.
Remember, as the Chinese always say, the most beautiful girls in all of China are from HuNan Province :icon_cheesygrin:
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Remember, as the Chinese always say, the most beautiful girls in all of China are from HuNan Province :icon_cheesygrin:
Very true Nik ! That is as of now of course , hence Qing was the last beautiful Girl in Shanghai .:icon_cheesygrin:
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Haha! Love it!
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My wife saved me from making a very big mistake last night. I had 3 or 4 or 5 glasses of wine. I got up to tell them that they were all welcome to come to the USA and stay with us for as long as they wanted. She grabbed me and sat me down. I said what is the problem. She said if you invite them to our home, we must buy their tickets and pay for their entire trip. Everyone was still waiting for me to say something, so I just got up and thanked all of them again for coming and making me feel like a member of the family. So we all toasted to that and I kept my mouth shut the rest of the evening. LOL.
Apparently I have now turned my entire life over to her. She picks out my clothes adjusts them on me. Takes my shirt off and sews or does whatever needs to be done to it to make me presentable. The last two mornings she has done this. I asked her what was going on. She said before we were married it was my job to dress how I wanted. Now it is her job to make me presentable. What a relief. I love it this way. I always hated to pick out what to wear, so I always wore the same things until they wore out. then bought almost the same thing to replace them. So for me it is terrific. I can see why some guys might not like it. but I love it. This morning we went out sightseeing in Wuhan with her two best friends, the translator and me. we went to the lake here. It is beautiful then we went to her university where she and Lanlan graduated. Really very pretty. we went to a restaurant where they actually served good steak. So I had all of the bad things for me. Med Rare T bone, french Fries, corn soup, roll with butter and a big glass of Chocolate Milk Shake. I even had my unsweet ice tea. Which I have not been able to get so far. I was in hog heaven. now getting everything else was pretty easy. The tea was not. It is the mindset you see. I asked if they had iced tea, she said yes the do, i asked is it unsweet, she said no it has sugar in it. I said ok,do this. Just give me a pot of your regular tea, a large glass and a big bowl of ice. She asked me what I was going to do, (all this was done via the interpreter) I said take the ice and fill up the glass, take the hot tea and pour it over the ice to cool it down. The waitress said it will taste terrible that way, tea is supposed to be drunk hot. She said she could not do that she would get in trouble. now I am a pretty tolerant guy, but this set off the whistles in my head. I asked now why in the world would you get in trouble. She said her boss would think she is not doing her job right. I said Ok, give me your boss. She did not want to do that. I told her finally then just give me what I asked for. She said she would get in trouble. now i didnt want that, but I wanted my ice tea. So I remembered the scene in "Five Easy Pieces". I said ok, just give me hot tea. She said great. She brought me the tea. I turned to her and said now my water is not cold enough please bring me some ice. Her eyes got big. I said do not worry it is for my water. She smiled and said ok. I told her I wanted a large bowl of ice as I like very cold water. That was OK.
She brings the ice and leaves. I grab an empty glass pour the hot tea over the ice and let it set there until it got cold enough to drink. When she got back I had already drank the tea. I asked for more ice. She happily went and got it. So twice more I had her get me ice and she was happy. This is something i will remember for a very long time. I then told the girl what i had done. I said now you have learned a very valuable life lesson. It is all in how you look at something on whether it seems right to you or not. I dont know if she understood or not. I hope she did.
On the way back to the hotel, my wife says that I am going back to the hotel. I said ok, where are you going, she said Lanlan and I are going shopping. I know you do no like it so you go to the hotel, watch a movie and take a nap, by the time you wake up, I will be back. DO YOU SEE WHY I LOVE THIS WOMAN? I HATE SHOPPING.
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Great stories there Jim :icon_cheesygrin:
Thanks!
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Good thinking Batman....lol
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Guys remember that. Always do what you say you will do. You will earn more respect that way. Even if it is not what they want to hear. do it like you say you will do it. That means more than anything else to them. My new brother in laws all have respect for me because of that. they have told me this. when I say something I mean it. They can count on my word as I have said. There have been a couple of things that have happened, I have stuck by my word. Even though it seemed strange and stupid, I did it anyway. Because i promised. Anyway, that is enough preaching.
This is very true. You will lose all face if you ever do not do what you promise. A promise/pinky swear is worth its weight in gold in China.
'In Wuhan the women are not as pretty as in Beijing. i would put it at about 30% pretty to beautiful. The prettier women in Wuhan dress sexier, maybe because it is hotter here.
Remember, as the Chinese always say, the most beautiful girls in all of China are from HuNan Province :icon_cheesygrin:
anyone who isnt alread living this virtue is truely a poor man. All the wealth in the world will never make up for bad character.
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Tonight we had dinner in a street area that allows no vehicles. Every nook and crannie has a vendor in it. I mean every nook and crannie. We grab a table with my two sisters in law 2 nieces and a brother in law. Have all sorts of good things to eat. I like frogs legs, but they leave the whole body on. Had deep fried grubs, not bad. some sort of sausage on a stick and of course the usual rice, chicken soup with the feet, (i do not eat the feet.) and noodles. Whle there these roving groups of musicians come around and want to entertain you, of course for a price. They are not concert hall by any means but have their heart in to playing so it is fun. I grab one of the mariachi's and start going to town with them. Having a ball. But the family was a little embarrassed by it so I noticed that and stopped. They do not like public displays of any sort. So when I grab the women and kiss them good bye they are all embarrassed. But i do it anyway, because i think they secretly like it. They never push me away and always smile while I am doing it. Mama got to the point where she just grabs me back. i love it. We then walked around the area. It is so good to walk around and not worry about trouble. Everyone there is out for a nightly stroll or selling something but doesnt push it down your throat. The stores all stay open until midnight here and have music coming from the store fronts, air conditioning blasting out so people at least slow down to get a good breeze of cold air. I have not seen a lot of White men here at all. it is a major city but mostly ethnic Chinese. I think the area is made up of two major groups. Hanjou, which is my family now and Hubei which is my wifes little brothers wife. now there are not many Hanjou which are attractive. I think my wife is one of them that is very attractive and my sister in law (Hubei) is also very attractive. But in Beijing the Han is mostly there which we find more attractive. Just my observations. Oh and the Taxi drivers suck here too. Not as bad as in Xi'an but worse then Beijing. I have just decided to close my eyes when in the taxi and try to grab a few winks. Or watch strictly out the side windows. Watching out the front or back just drives you crazy. You know you are going to run someone down or get creamed by the bus that is heading straight for you. I could never drive anything here. Walking in traffic is bad enough. I am lalways grabbing my wife or sisters in law or nieces and holding them back. They say I am a very gentleman. I say I am just the only sane person here. lol.
Tomorrow at noon we leave on the train back to Beijing and home. We have decided to take the noon train so I can see the area along the route. 8 hours on the train. Oh, well.
Okay, the big thing to happen in Wuhan today did happen. The "Living Buddha" from tibet came into town and my brother in law was his chief of security. You know there is an ongoing fight between the Chinese government and tibet. My wife was supposed to have an audience with him. But he got tied up in meetings and could not see her. She was heartbroken. He was supposed to read our future for her. He did send his apologies but she still hurts from it. She says rightly that it was her only chance to ever meet him. Brother in law also apologized but it could not be helped. Oh well. She is not really a practicing Buddhist anyway. And it is probably just as well for me as if she did meet him she may have really started to practice and would have put me in an awkward position.
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Jim, thank you for telling your story.
I'm a new member here, and I was starting to wonder if it's really worth all the hassle to locate a suitable Chinese wife. Well, after reading of your exploits it would seem the answer to that question is a resounding YES!
Surely there's an urban myth already circulating about "The Great White Buffalo" that appears in peoples kitchens!
:)
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Jim, thank you for telling your story.
I'm a new member here, and I was starting to wonder if it's really worth all the hassle to locate a suitable Chinese wife. Well, after reading of your exploits it would seem the answer to that question is a resounding YES!
Surely there's an urban myth already circulating about "The Great White Buffalo" that appears in peoples kitchens!
:)
A big YES from me on that. It's not always easy but my vote says it's all worthy of your best efforts and can be very rewarding.
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Thanks Remi, and everyone who has written. All I am doing is telling it like it is. I am not exaggerating one iota. I do not need to. Now we have only been married for 3 days, but the only thing that changed was her now dressing me. I fee like the luckiest man alive. i hit the jackpot with this woman and her family. we are always wanting to touch each other. Whether it s holding hands or just leaning on each other. we just have to touch. I know she really loves me, just by the little things that she does. For an example. We will be walking down the street and a friend or relative will be standing next to her talking, they will be deeply in a conversation, she immediately turns around to see where I am and grabs my hand to make sure I am close. You see if she didnt really care and it was all for show, she would not do that. this happens all of the time. Even her best friend made a comment about it to me. Through the interpreter that I am the most important person in her life. Because if i come on QQ and she is talking to her, she just says she has to go and talk to jim. if she didnt really love me I would be second. It is all about those little things that i can tell. I have been there before with my ex wife on this type of thing so I know what I am talking about. Also before going to bed she always does my laundry and hangs them up, even if it is in the sink. I said before, it cracks me up, getting up in a 5 star hotel to see laundry hanging. I know the other guys wives do the same thing. That is why she tells me to not take so many clothes when we go somewhere. Well I am going to try it this week. we are going off somewhere with her friends from the hospital for three days by the ocean. I will let her pack for me.
well, i lost a bet coming home tonight. we bet on how much the taxi would cost from the train station to our home. She won by one yuan. so I must give her a one hour massage. should be fun anyway. I will tell about the train ride tomorrow. it was an experience. A good one but funny just the same.
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Remi , welcome first of all .
You know we all had that feeling at one point or another . But .. yes you do have to tell yourself many time ... " This will work " and
" I'm going to make this work " . It's not going to happen by itself of course , but the wonderful LaoPo at the end of your search is WELL worth it . For myself , and a few other Dumpling chaser's .:icon_cheesygrin:
Good Luck to you , alway's have Eyes open and be on your Toe's for anything that seems Fishy . That is why we are here and I know that is why you are here . To make it as easy as possible without leaving you out on the street with a Hat . :angel:
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I recognize many of the things you are telling us about. A Chinese wife is very different in many ways. For you, and for me as well, it is just a wonderful experience.
Enjoy the fantastic trip..
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Just a note before going out to the Market. I remember reading a while ago, I do not remember who said it, that you sort of develop your own language. Not English not Chinese but sort of Chinglish. we have been doing that and it is really funny how you can almost read each others minds, she will give me a look and say something not remotely English but i now what she is saying. I say it to her in English and she says yes. I am always correcting her English, as I want her interview to go as well as possible when it is time. We still spend at least one hour every day doing nothing but English and Chinese. Her English is getting much better but my Chinese still sucks. I am having a hard time remembering phrases. simple words yes, phrases kill me.
Also I apparently have lost all track of time. I thought today was Saturday, she tells me it is Monday. Well, I dont watch TV or the news and we have been gone from here for a week. Time is flying by. Been here two weeks already. Do not want to think how fast time is gong by.
Again thanks to all of you who have wished us well. I appreciate the support of the brotherhood as the best you can get. Thanks for following the ramblings of a newlywed who is on a very different adventure in his life. One I never thought i would have undertaken 18 months ago. My life seems very fulfilled right now. Back home I always needed the "toys", a boat, jet skis, motorcycle, sports car, camper, etc. Here I do not feel I need anything but her to make me happy. In ways it seems like half a world away and in others it seems like the same place. Have to go now.
Jim
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Went to the China Bank to convert some dollars. Man that is an experience. they made us wait at least 25 minutes, then took each bill, looked at the front then turned it over and looked at the back. One bill had about an 1/32nd piece torn from the outer edge. They would not accept it. One was too wrinkly and they would not take that. Ok, then they counted it by flipping through it, then turned it to the other side and counted it again, then they turned it over and counted it again then the same thing again. They did not like my passport, so they took my wife's ID. Made 3 copies of it and attached it to paperwork. Now i can truly understand the process of checking the money. If I were going to counterfeit money it might be a great place to do it, but the counting and the not taking the two bills was absolutely ridiculous. I wanted to call for the manger but of course my wife wouldnt have that. They are so accustomed to not making waves that they will take almost anything. It was only $3,000 US. (My new daughters tuition is due) Didnt know that until I got here. I would just as well let her go to school in Wuhan where she would not have to pay. In Beijing if you are born here your schooling is free, but if you moved here you must pay tuition of about $5,000.00 per year. This does include housing and meals. Up until now little brother has been paying it. (Now I know why he is so happy to have me marry her). Anyway getting back to the money exchange. They did give me the full 6.8 which is better than my own bank in the states did. This is just a heads up.
Now the train trip from Wuhan to Beijing. we get on board this nice new train. The interior is just like inside of an airplane. Except for the windows, very big. however, every third seat is placed on a wall with no window. Guess which seat we got? You are right. that was the reason for taking the train to begin with. So I could see the countryside. Now both the people in the seats in front of us rode the whole way with the shade down. I got to see maybe 20 minutes of an 8 hour ride. This train is fast, it ran about 80 to 100 mph in the open stretches but there really was not that much open. we stopped at one town , this young lady got on in the seat next to ours. Her husband came running in with one of the bags she forgot. He placed it in the overhead bin and started running out. The train started to move and in about 1 minute he came walking back. He missed getting out before the train took off. Now I could not understand the conversation but from the hand gestures and what few words I could pick up. She was giving him hell for being stupid enough to not get off the train. He started about her bag, she said she had left it intentionally for him. (This i got from my wife) His head just dropped. I had to start laughing. (I did it quietly of course) They are now counting money to see if they had enough to buy his ticket to the next station. They did not. Now the conductor gets involved. She had a sense of humor about her. Once she heard the story she started to laugh. I do not know how they worked out the ticket, but he had to stand for the next 5 hours. there was no other seat available. Every once in a while she would look up to him and slap her forehead like telling him how stupid he was. Every time, I cracked up.
Little kids here are attracted to me. A foreigner I guess. but one little boy on the train about 5 years old. Made a game of coming up to my seat,then touching me on the arm and run back to Mama just laughing as loud as he could. So of course I played along. I growled at him every time. This just made him do it more. After about an hour I was sort of tired of it but not him. he would quit for a little bit then tap on my arm and run laughing. the people around us thought it funny for a while then they started to get annoyed also. Finally someone must have said something to mama because he stopped until just before we arrived. a very comfortable trip but not being able to see the countryside made it boring.
As the others have said. The Chinese do not like lines. If you give them an inch in front of you they will line jump. I do not like this at all. A couple of times I have just put my arm out and pushed them away. It is just like their driving. No one gets upset with it, they just accept it.
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Jim, I'm not sure how much US cash you brought but I found it much easier to use my bank ATM card at the BOC (Bank of China, usuallly the machine is in the lobby) and get whatever the day's exchange rate is without any hassles at all.
I almost fell over laughing about your wife doing the daily laundry in the 5 star hotel bathroom sink. LMAO.. Mine did the same thing. The first time she did it I didnt know what was going on but there sure was a lot of noises in the bathroom, unrelated to the usual task, so I had to investigate. Yep, I was just as surprised. I didnt say anything about it but gave her a kiss and she ushers me back to relax.
Darn Jim, this brings back such fun memories. I'm glad your having such a wonderful time.
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Jim that tale about the other couple on the train was so funny, ROFLMAO...
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Hi Jim, it makes me really happy to read that Angel and you are feeling happy together. Yes, it is a wonderful experience to be married to a little China girl. I wish you a happy honeymoon and may your happiness never end!
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Jim, thanks for letting us share in your happiness. Appreciate all the little stories and observations you have shared. buzz
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Hey Dad,
Speaking of which, back in the 80s when I didn't know you existed, I paided my own way through school @ $ 3,000 x 4 years ... I'll skip the interest. Western Union is fine with me. :icon_cool:
Oct/08 ... When I exchanged a bank draft in Shenyang, I was at one counter for 15 minutes filling out a stack of papers. Then I was told to go to another counter to receive my money and had to filled out another stack of papers and had to show my passport ID to that second person also. When I had to exchanged some US Dollars, I just gave it to the lady I visited to exchange. They gave her no hassle at the foreign exchange outlet independent of the Banks.
Aug/09 ... Here in Kaiping [ same Bank of China ], I was at one counter only. When they gave me my 23,000 RMB, I received two stacks of 10,000 RMB in 100s taped together with masking tape. But they didn't bother to count it or put it through the counting machine.
July/09 ... At a KFC in Taishan, a little girl came up to me and wanted my spoon straw that came with my slushie ... even before I finished my drink. Cute kid ... couldn't say "No" !
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Jim,
Am enjoying reading your posts. About the money exchange. When I was in Shenyang in April, I exchanged money at the hotel. They did the same thing. Looked over every bill. I had a bunch of $20 bills. Look on each side. Wouldn't take anything that was creased or a small piece of the corner out. They only accepted about 1/3 or what I wanted to exchange. Said the China bank wouldn't accept damaged bills.
And about your wife. She sounds great. Hope I am that lucky some day.
Don
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Thanks everyone. Today is a stay at home day. The smog is very thick and humidity is high. we are just getting some things organized, pictures and such. I actually made dinner last night. Spaghetti, and breakfast this morning, french toast and scrambled eggs. She was pleased that I did it, but told her do not expect this every week. lol
If anyone has a connection to an auction house for fine antique pieces, PM me please.
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Why Jim ? Are you going to Cook something else next week ? Haha
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No, I just do not want to spoil her. LOL I still have about 6 weeks left but everytime I even think about leaving, my heart skips a beat. Man, I do not want to leave her.
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JimB yes the hardest thing to do is when you have to get on that plane and go home.
feels like a piece of you is being ripped out. i am going back in a week and a half and
this time i will stay with her till she retires in 5 years. Have everything i need to do this
including my police report from DOJ which is required by the chinese govt if you want to
reside there. best wishes to the both of you.
Ted
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Oh...by the way Dear, these are some fixed expenses that you may not have been aware of. :icon_cheesygrin:
Gulp!
Jim, it seems that she's not extravagant in her spending (your wife), I can only assume that a more traditional Chinese woman of her character and quality will always accept and work with whats she's got available ($$$) to the household.
Is that a safe assumption?
Thanks
ps - Laundry in the bathroom is now my official indicator the you've hit the mother lode!
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Depends Remi.
My wife is very much the same and lives well below her means, which isnt much, but is very guided to manage the family finances with a conservative view. It's a good match for me since I live much like this as well. I'm not one for trying to keep up with the Jones's.
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I tell her what is available and she takes it from there. Yes, Ed is right. His wife and mine are a lot alike. Plus I know a few of the other wives are the same way. They just at first have to get the notion that all Americans are rich. By their standards we are but not what their imaginations say we are. So you just set it right from the first. Do not try to impress with big spending, that will give them the wrong idea. Once I decided she was the one, I told her all about our finances. That way she could make up her mind honestly.
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One other funny little thing. At first she asked me what her name would be, I told her Mrs. James L. Burk. She looked at me in surprise and asked what happened to her name. (In China women have the option of not using their married names) I told her it would still be there its just that her title is now Mrs. In the US it would be Mrs. Yun Xiang Shi Burk or Mrs. Burk. She wants to be called Mrs. Burk. She tells her fiends that this is the proper way to introduce her now. She calls me Mr. Burk and I am to call her Mrs. Burk. She isnt doing to to be snooty, she says she just loves the sound of it and it is her proper title now. Just a funny little thing.
Oh and today is Chinese Valentines day. Also her old calendar birthday. They think of everything. They get two birthdays a year. And two Valentines a year. the Chinese think of all ways to get holidays. lol
Qingqing called again. The little brat was using the excuse before that she missed her Mama so much that she wanted to come home early. Then she turns it to say she wanted to use the extra time to go to Wuhan to see her boyfriend before coming home that way she would not be gone any extra time. Then of course we had to buy the ticket. Mama finally got pissed said no then hung up the phone. She asked me what I thought. I didnt tell her all of my thoughts. just that she was right. I am going to have to find a way to deal with this kid. Personally I would like to put her over my knee and give her a good spanking because she has never had one. And take away some privileges like her phone for a while. Tell her if she wants to act 5 she will be treated like a 5 year old. Really very disturbing. I know 16 year old girls are a pain anyway. I have been through that once. but this one is even worse because Mama has spoiled her and she is very beautiful so at the pageants she is treated like a queen. I have noticed that Chinese women spoil there children a little anyway. Even at 5 years old Zhou Zhou gets fed by her Mama. She asked me if it was the same in the US, of course I told her no. I am not saying they are wrong, just different. I wonder if some of the others have noticed that with their children.
One other thing, last night we were watching Rush Hour 2. When Carter was teaching Lee English, he tried to tell him about Ya'll. I turned to Mrs. Burk and told her she would have to learn this.
so we spent the next half hour going over and over it. Funny as hell. Like who's on first. How many people is Ya'll, I say one or many, then why dont you say one or many, because we use Ya'll, then how many is ya'll. and so on. I feel sorry for her, she not only has to learn English, but redneck as well. LOL.
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LOL Jim
It did occur to me that while they learn english (or already speak it) they also have to learn the english used in the country they go to.
Hello colloquialisms! (or should I say G'Day colloquialisms mate, no worries)
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Jim speaking of southern accents, last night the maintenance guy who doubles as security stopped by about 9 PM. As we're talking he asked if I had a bear? I stopped and said A Bear? yeah a bear. I realized then he meant a BEER!
I've warned my lady of the different dialects of english already.
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heres one for you im from pennsylvania and we say there YOUNZ
not sure of the spelling but it mean "all of you" when i first came to calif
people would look at me????? younz??? also bear when i said lets get a bear
they would kid me we can only hunt here certain times of the year but why dont we go
get a beer
Ted
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I do not want to confuse her yet with all of the different soundings but sometimes i say something. She says What? that does not sound like English. I just tell her it is redneck. She says ok, then tell me what it really is then. I love this woman.
We went out tonight for dinner with Lisa. My friend. On the way in the cab, I said i dont believe I am going to dinner with my wife and my girlfriend. The cab driver understood and started laughing. The girls just looked at me. They badgered me all night to tell them what i meant. I finally just told them I said i was going to dinner with my two best girls. they accepted that. But when I got home, I did get the third degree. by the way I am sleeping on the couch tonight. lol. Just for a little while..
I told her it was completely up to her what movie we would watch tonight. She picked Saving Private Ryan. You see why I love her?
Today we went out and bought her a birthday present. A new watch. A good watch is imperative for a nurse. so I started looking at Longines and so forth. She was upset that i was looking at something so expensive. She finally settled on a swiss watch that only cost about $300 usd. Not a Casio that only was about $30.00 that she was looking at.
Not much else going on.
Jim
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Loving the updates Jim, teaching a Chinese lady redneck - so funny!
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oh jim what a lucky guy to have a woman who is happy to sit and watch Saving Private Ryan happy days you jammy git lol ;)
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You think Redneck is funny.......
Just wit til they hear me...hahahahah:angel:
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Hi Guys, I've noticed that with Zhou she will NOT use words like " I've, I'll, we've and you're" and forget trying to explain the word ( like Ted said ) Yountz (?) it just isn't happening, you'll be talking in circles for about a hour before you give up.
Ted you must have growed up in the same neck of the woods I did, I grew up a little on Hog back mountain in Pa., hahaha.
Rob, now don't go startin in with that Scottish brough(?), you'll have all them young ladies talkin with an accent LOL.
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yeah ...you throw in some of mine German-English with some Yoddle'in und some umbah umbah music , she'll be asking for Bratwurst and Sauerkraut real fast . Hahahaha
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Sometimes now i will throw in a Ya'll, just to get her going. Now think of this. All our women meet, and cannot understand each other because of what we have taught them. German, Scottish, redneck throw in some Swedish and French, hell it is lucky that we understand each other.
In the Lufthansa mall here in Beijing they have a German restaurant. I could not even make out what the menu was and it was supposedly written in English. The only words I could make out were sauerkraut and sauerbrauten (sp)
Ok, now I need input.
I just found out, that My stepdaughter is going to Wuhan despite what her mother and I have said. She was told no. She called her mother and told her she was going anyway as she is an adult. So today she is getting on a bus and going. I started to get really upset but held my cool. I asked my wife if she is going to do anything, she said what can I do? She called her mother and at least Qingqing was staying with her. I just left the table.
If it was my call. If she thinks she is an adult she needs to pay her own way back and her own tuition for school. And her own cell phone. That would get her attention. But just a week into this marriage I do not want to blow everything up. What would ya'll do?
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Best thing to do is let the mother handle it. Stay out of it. The girls rebelling for some reason? Most likely for the moms attention. Cutting her off will cause more problems in the family. Mom might even send money without your knowledge, then what? Suggest things to help don't tell her to.
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Vince is very right on this Jim .
The Mom must put her foot down and you must keep your Wallet closed . The problem with these Children is , they only think about themselves at this moment and MOM ... yes MOM must tell her ( beat it into her.. not hitting her of course ) it's for HER happiness and untill she stops acting that way , there will be happiness for Nobody . If she want's Mom to respect HER life , then she must do the same for her Mom and you Jim .
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i understand. But if there are no consequences at all for her actions it will just get worse. I think that has been the problem. She lets this kid get away with everything with no discipline at all. That even leads to the kid giving me something in my drink to make me sick. She thinks she can do anything she wants and in fact she can. I think the 24 hour rule applies here also. Thanks for the input guys, I understand what you are saying.
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Hi Jim,
One thing you have to keep remembering is as you said...you have been in this marriage one week. They have a whole lifetime together. Change will come slowly and gradually. If you go for a seismic shift, there will be issues from mother and daughter, and you will not end up on the good side of the chasm.
So move slowly, give advice when asked, and bite your tongue as necessary. Give your opinion when time and calm allow.
Doug
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Jim
I have reared 2 teenage daughters and so I may be qualified to advise :):):)
DONT let it become an "explosion", Keep your wallet firmly shut and let the whole scene play out between her and Mom. As time goes on, you become more and more the head of the family and can then begin to influence events. Right now, for daughter, you are ALL threat !! You are taking away her priority of attention with her Mom...she wants to have a showdown because in her naive way, she thinks she can win.
Dont play the game....keep cool, support your lovely wife...BUT DONT PAY !!!
DavidE
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Excellent advice David!!
Jim I have 2 daughters and a son. During the split up of my marriage there was a lot of competition for attention. Some good and some bad. I told the children I was talking with a woman on the internet and all hell broke loose. I tried the withholding idea and it was a disaster. (Must be a Georgia thing?)
Jim this is tough on your wifes children because they see all of the attention their mother go from them to you and being as young as they are they do not understand. So, yes there is a whole lot of rebellion going on. The most difficult child to gain respect from is a teenager because they are already getting those adult feelings. Something like this in America is the #1 cause of splitting up a second marriage.
I agree with David E and would add to it this. Your only influence right now is your wife. You should have a long talk with her and use a translator just to make sure both of you completely understand each other. When you begin talking with her remember simpathize first, "I understand how your feel..." Assure her of your undying love for her, let her know that culturally you do not understand and that you are willing to learn. Tell her what you think the problem is, what is the most reasonable course of action. (remember all of this should be done in soft reasonable tones.) Then ask her what she thinks.
On this you will let her deal with it her way but you want to suggest another way to handle the situation. She might blend the ideas.
All of this is like trying to find a needle in a haystack.
Good luck friend. I'll pray for you and your family.
Shaun
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I agree with the guy's mate..another way to think about it, if you had been in the same situation as the daughter, you would probably see that MOMS attention is drifting away from her to you as the new husband, remember they (as has been said) have had a lifetime together...
arnold is Saurkraut a German person in a bad mood?.....LOL
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Jim, as you know I have a Chinese step daughter and she is 12 years old and when Zhou and I met Lili ( my new Daughter ) had an Emperess complex, ay first I let her Mom take care of disipline and there were a lot of times my tounge hurt from bitting it, then one day Lili had so much told me to stay out of her buisness and why am I here, I looked at her Mom and that was the day that Zhou told me infront of Lili that I was her father, and I should punish her, I used the 24 hour rule and told Lili I would talk with her the next day, that night my wife and I talk it over and then the next morning I told Lili she was not allowed to go to the mall for a week and Zhou backed me up, yesterday Lili was talking on the phone with her friends from school and I heard two words that have a lot of wieght for me, she said " my dad " in the cinversation, not step dad but Dad, Jim, take your time, get a lot of bandaids for your tounge and wait for your time, it will come and as a few other brothers here have said, keep your wallet closed and try to suggest to your wife that she should not pay also, sooner or later she will come around.
Good luck Jim, you're going to need it and the nerve of a saint.
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MM.
Handled like a true professional, or to be more precise, .....''Like A Real Dad!!''
David...
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arnold is Saurkraut a German person in a bad mood?.....LOL[/quote]
No Rob , I have three step-daughter's ( from the teens on ,three Step-Son's likewise , nineteen grandchildren and five great grandchildren . I been through it . I am not in a Bad Mood . I do know how to handle a Teen .
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Well, my image of Chinese children and especially teens just got shattered! I was talking with my lady's daughter the other day on QQ webcam. She just turned 16 this month. I asked her if she had a boyfriend and she told me "no, I am a student. i do not have time for boyfriends. I have to study". So, I'm thinking...boy these kids are raised with discipline and are really focused on learning. But, after reading Jim's post here, I guess they are like teens everywhere.
Anyway, good luck, Jim! I am not qualified to give advice, as I have no children. But I am sure I would need lots of those bandaids MM was talking about.
Don
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As much as I hate to not get involved, I am going to take the advise of my brothers. I will keep my mouth and my wallet shut. Thank you guys for your input. I knew i could count on ya'll for good advise.
Tomorrow we are going to the ocean for a couple of days. We will probably not have internet if what I am told is true. So, so far I have travelled by Air, by Rail now by bus then Ox Cart. (So i am told) this should be really interesting. Very private beach. Just her and a couple of friends from the hospital and myself.
If i were younger and kinkier I would be shouting, "three very pretty women and me alone on a private beach!!" But, alas i am old and calm. (i still have my imagination. lol.)
I have asked all age groups here and no one knows who Elvis Presley is. I cannot believe it. Does anyone know if he had a Chinese name? They know who Michael Jackson was and all of the new singers but not him.
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Sorry JIm , but I lost that ( the imagination ) when I got married . It's all real !!!
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JimB-- just take your time with this and it will all work out for
the better. just sounds like she is worried about not being
the center of attention anymore. but if she did put something
in your drink that is a concern for me. that is a step a little
to far in my mind. but let it ride out its course and maybe
she will see your not in competition with her but just trying
to be a family. and as far as Elvis remember he was at a
time when china was a closed country to the outside world
wish you the best
Ted
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I was just informed I will be a grandfather again by my daughter. Hip Hip hoooray!!!!!! She is very early, about a month along. So anything can happen but I am so very very excited. 2009 has started to be one of the best years of my life. I got my full retirement, I got my new wonderful wife, I got a great new son in law and now I am going to be a grandfather for the second time. I have a great number of new friends on this site. What more could a man ask for. Except an immediate response to my wifes emigration on a positive note. that would make it one perfect year.
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And some dumplings.
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Greetings Brothers,
Congrats Grandpa hehe sure seems you are right with the best year of your life. So good to here things are coming together.
As for the daughter, not much to say that hasnt been said except perhaps to try to get some time alone with her and talk things out. If she sees you are willing to pay attention to her as well as Mom then she might calm down a bit. By the way I have 28 yr old daughter and my first marriage she had two daughters.
Its always tough on the kids when someone new comes into the picture especially now you are married to her mom and therefore a permanent fixture. Spend time with the girl if you can do things with here that do not involve money, go to the zoo or other attractions, take pictures together etc. Make her feel part of the family and show both the mom and the daughter you are prepared to love both of them. My lady has a 15yr old son so I am sure I will go through some of this also.
Anyway hope there is something in this that helps
Regards,
Brian
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Brian that is the same as me My Keren has a son who is 10 years old, so I think most of us here will have near enough the same 'problem'
Personally i think it's just her nose being put out of place...Hopefully she will come round, the more she gets to know your there for good...
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WOW!!..... Does anyone ''Want'' to remember Elvis?? I for one don't!! Especially in his latter years.....
David.....
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And some dumplings.
I have had some of the best dumplings ever from my new mother in law. As a matter of fact, I do not like eating them in a restaurant anymore. She spoiled me. I ate them without any sauce, they were that good. So that part of my year has been satisfied also.
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Wow, so much for going to the beach. We got up at 5 AM this morning and we were literally walking out the door when the phone rings. It is Zhang, the government will not let me and Mrs. Burk in. They said no foreigners can come into the area. they are afraid of more unrest and possible riots so they are refusing admission to anyone that does not live there. Bummer. So back to bed.
I am not a huge Elvis fan. But it strikes me funny that no one here even knows who he was. One of the top selling singers in the world.
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Wow sorry to hear that Jim:huh:
In my last letter from Keren she sent me the words of ???(first verse) (God I cannot for the life of me remember what the name of it is, but I remember the words of it well)...
"Put your sweet lips a little closer to the phone, lets pretend that we're together all alone..."
What I am trying to say is, that I do suppose that some 'old' music does get there, this song was from the late 60's I think...
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Well ,i think there bloody lucky they don't have Elvis plastered all over the radio and TV. And then at functions, ...a dozy bugger or buggers dressed as this so called King, making complete ridiculous fools of themselves trying to sing his old songs in totally fake voices!! ''Dead Lucky'' if you ask me!!! ...haha!!
David....
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And some dumplings.
I have had some of the best dumplings ever from my new mother in law. As a matter of fact, I do not like eating them in a restaurant anymore. She spoiled me. I ate them without any sauce, they were that good. So that part of my year has been satisfied also.
Drooooooooooooool, JimB cut that kinda talk out!!
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Ronan I think I said this to others on the forum, they will insist in TEMPTING you guy's..:angel:
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Sept 1st. 2009.
Mrs. Burk went to work today so I had a whole day with Qingqing. we went to the market together and actually had a good time. She tried to get me to have a a secret between me and her mother about her boyfriend. I refused. I told her I will not have secrets from my wife. So one thing headed off. but we got the strangest looks from people. Me and her together. She was wearing this t shirt that said to the effect that we were together and this was real love. Cracked me up. People were staring at us. This beautiful 16 year old and me this 58 grey haired old man. Of course we played it up. She was all over me with her arms around my shoulders etc. we were whispering and laughing etc. then we came home and made dinner for mama. then we went shopping for her for back to school clothes. This I did not want to do but mama wanted me to go. we or rather I bought a bunch of new clothes. Total of only about $300 usd. She was very thankful, of course. so tomorrow she goes off to school. Daddy calls tonight. I really wanted to take the phone and tell the son of a bitch what i really thought of him. I am already more of a father than he has ever been. but of course that will wait for another time. he asked her what she thought of me and if she knew of some key that he could not find. I did not ask her what she said to him as i didnt really care.
Last night we went to the Hard Rock cafe for dinner. I had had a a good steak there the last time so I thought Qingqing would like the place. My steak was terrible so i sent it back twice. Finally I had them take it off the bill. we shared Qingqings steak and Ginas chicken with penne pasta. Very good. then the dessert. Absolutely great ice cream brownie with whipped cream. Still expensive at 711 yuan. Beijings restaurants are more expensive than at other cities. but still good and a bargain compared to the US.
I am really going to miss my wife when I have to leave for the states. She is so good for me. I want the US government to just say that you have lived together for some time. You are really a couple so go live a good life. But of course that will not happen. That would make too much sense. I do not want to even think of leaving her but i will have to. Especially now that Chevaun is going to have a baby. I will want to be there. Everything is up in the air right now. but i just know that i love this woman and she loves me. no doubt about it. not one iota.
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Wow sorry to hear that Jim:huh:
In my last letter from Keren she sent me the words of ???(first verse) (God I cannot for the life of me remember what the name of it is, but I remember the words of it well)...
"Put your sweet lips a little closer to the phone, lets pretend that we're together all alone..."
What I am trying to say is, that I do suppose that some 'old' music does get there, this song was from the late 60's I think...
'He'll Have To Go' Jim Reeves sung specially to Sweetpea from Munchkins.
Willy
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Thank you Willy....
It's ok I don't hold grudges you butchering buggers....LOL The Butcher of China, your new name...lol
Sorry Jim, didn't mean to get away from the subject, but you know what these Butchers are like;-))
Hold your tongue with the father mate, don't matter what you feel!!!! he is still Qingqin's dad...Even though he has not acted like one. Must have been funny those looks you would have got hehe
There is no DOUBT you both love each other, so stay cool, of course you will miss her that is 'as plain on the nose on your face' but PATIENCE is the key mate...
Rob
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Very good Willy. I just couldn't think of it? I knew it but it was stuck in the back of my brain somewhere. :huh:
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JimB
Thats a really nice piece. The ending makes me glad that I have not got to go through the immigration process as I hope to live in China for the rest of my days but for you guys it must be a wrench to leave the people you love so far away.
Willy
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Greetings guys,
Jimb, great story there man and as the others have said take the high ground on this ex dad. Let them see he does not bother you and you wont get upset. I think that will go a fair ways to cementing your new family together. I have always found its best not to get invovled with kids and their other parents or spouses and their ex's, just not worth the grief.
Anyway looking forward to dinner and meeting you and Mrs Burk hehe Zhen also is looking forward.
Talk with you soon face to face hehe
Brian
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No much going on today. Gina took Qingqing to school. It takes about 5 hours. There and back with checking her in. Plus paying the bill, (ouch). I am getting real lazy here. I slept until 11, got up took a shower, (my first of the day). Watched a couple of movies. When she got home we went out for dinner to the cafeteria close by. it serves all types of western food. Wings, pasta, all kinds of different pizza, Moslem, Asian, western and their original. Plus the usual frog legs, squid, corn and corn on the cob and the usual fruits and vegetables. runs 50 yuan each or about $7.50 US. Expensive for here but about normal for back home. Then she took me to her English class to meet everyone, then sent me home via taxi and she went to class. I feel like such a child still not knowing my way around very well. But there are three different entrances to our complex and we use different ones for going to different places. She has to work on thursday then Sunday then starting the 10th Five days a week. That is going to suck. I have gotten so used to her being here all of the time. So I will probably end up going to the park and playing with the kids. lol Lisa is going to take me to Tianjin for a day as it is her home town. The smog was so bad today from my 12th floor apt. i could only see about 4 blocks then it was all white out. Inside i did not smell anything so maybe I am getting used to it. My eyes burned a bit and when we walked to dinner we both started coughing a little. I would not want to live here all of the time. we need a good rainstorm to clear things away.
She says the reason i sleep late is that I talk nonsense all night so do not rest well. She said it scared her the first time because she could not understand anything I said. She thought I was speaking some foreign language that i did not tell her I knew. I started laughing and explained it to her. (I havent talked in my sleep in ages.) So we both got a laugh. I know we have been married for only two weeks, but she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. we actually have sort of known each other for 10 months now. But we fit each other so well. Until you live with someone it is hard to know exactly how you fit. Well, we fit and it is almost scary because we grew up completely different. I know this word is so overused but I believe we are "soulmates". I mean I do not know of any other woman who would rather watch Saving Private Ryan than "Love Story" Now she does love Titanic. But I will give her that one. I know she is not just doing it for me. I fell asleep during Saving ryan and when i woke she was still watching it even though she had seen it before. And she was really into it. Anyway, so many little things tells me she is true and not just doing it for my sake.
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Jim,
How are you doing with the language? I know you have been getting some of the more "pat" phrases down, but outside of your wife, have you looked at any formal Mandarin classes there?
Or do you think that with your daily interactions you will gain enough of a working knowledge that you can get by?
Thanks,
Doug
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Jim,
How are you doing with the language? I know you have been getting some of the more "pat" phrases down, but outside of your wife, have you looked at any formal Mandarin classes there?
Or do you think that with your daily interactions you will gain enough of a working knowledge that you can get by?
Thanks,
Doug
I've been here for more than two months now and I have two hours of self tutoring with Cd etc a day. I can pick out words now in conversations but why does the average chinese have to fit 10 words in the space we fit 4 !!!! It is hard to learn by listening to others.
next week I have a young woman coming to my place 4 mornings a week, 2 for me to learn Chinese and 2 for her to improve her considerable English. I am sure that I can find some words she may not have heard before!
Willy
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I am trying to get Mandarin down. To really get it I think a formal class might be necessary. i have been here three weeks now and have only picked up a few words here and there. We still spend at least an hour each day going over English and Mandarin but I cant seem to keep it in my head. 5 minutes after hearing it, I lose it. I am glad her English is getting better. She is studying her heart out for the Visa and so we can communicate better. we do well enough. if we get stuck we use the translator.
Damn smog is terrible today. She has a headache and my eyes are burning. I want to completely close up and turn the air on but she doesnt think that will do it. So I am in the bedroom with it on. She says it is too cold for her.
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Chinese TV.
I have been watching a bit of tv with her hoping it will help. It doesnt. Chinese TV is really insane. Imagine 90% of TV about Westerns. That is what this is. All about the past. And every tv show has some sort of martial arts in it. All quite comical to my way of thinking. the "hero" can take on a complete army and destroy them all without a weapon. He gets 20 spears thrown at him and he justs busts them all apart with his bare hands. After he kills about twenty the rest run away. he just stands there waiting for the rest to come at him. then struts away. One show has this fat guy as the hero, quite comical, he is from the 1500's. He has what i call a little toilet on his head. he walks around eating. When he sees something he doesnt like, he just beats the crap out of them then picks up what he was eating and continues. Of course I cannot understand what is being said. Even their soap operas are set in the past. they have a weekly series of WWII Chinese versus japanese. Oh, and they have dancing with the stars. Quite entertaining. Jackie Chan advertises everything from cars to facial cream. Even in the supermarket he is there on the TV. Their commercials are good. usually lasts about 10 minutes then goes back to the show. Reminds me of Crazy Edssssss everything must go below cost or I am crazzyyyy. All in all pretty wild. They have talk shows like in the states. Same thing. People coming on telling their troubles and crying about it. the host is like Dr. Phil. he yells at the people.
There is the english TV channel 9. Boring stuff. But at least you get the news you can understand. I have been trying to get my NFL off of the internet but it is blocked. Damn that hurts most. Anyway all of the tv reminds me of the 50's but in color. I have only seen a couple of programs that seem current soaps. Everything else is in the past. A lost of killing and martial arts. Pretty bad acting also. Make up is pretty bad.
The only good thing is that they have an internet site that you can get that has a ton of movies on it. All for free. I cannot get it on my laptop but it is on hers. Everything from titanic to the latest movies out. we watched the Rambos and the latest Rocky movies. it is like the free hollywood video store.
Jim
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Hah, Jim I know exactly what you mean by the TV. I love watching the ad breaks, some of the ads are just nuts! I dont know what Ling makes of it as i switch channels when the ads are over to try and find more ads!
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Hah, Jim I know exactly what you mean by the TV. I love watching the ad breaks, some of the ads are just nuts! I dont know what Ling makes of it as i switch channels when the ads are over to try and find more ads!
She probably thinks 'What the F..k' have i let myself in for, a MAD Irishman....lol:angel::icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
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Jim have you seen the monkey and the pig yet.They were running a seriose of shows.With 2 guys dressed up as a monkey and a pig.And they would have theese strange adventures.It used to bore the hell out of me.My wife told me that they were old Chinese fabels.And that Chinese people really liked them.
When we would go to my motherinlaws house and they would be watching it.I would set down and copy what the actors was saying.It always cracks my motherinlaw up to here me copy Chinese.
I used to watch womens volleyball on Channel 22 they ussually had a real good game going between some of the local cities.And my brotherinlaw would watch the MBA games on his computer.That was it for sports unless you wanted to watch ping pong matches.
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I hooked up the adnet.com and get all of the football games plus some TV shows, Frasier, etc. plus has some movies so I can stay entertained that way. It just was too much watching her shows. I have not seen the monkey and the pig yet. But, while watching toilet head, I would crack up and my wife really didnt care for that so I just stopped watching. I mean the hats were something. One guy had one that looked like a bird cage on his head another had a miniture roller coaster another had a miniature easy chair. So thats what i would call them. There are two toilet heads, one has a squat toilet he was a real mean sob. He liked to kill the women he just had. Then throw their bodies in the river. then another had a woman who slept with the ruler, then she killed her maid because she saw it. The ruler found out and had her killed. I think the maid liked the ruler also, but not quite sure. Another one looks like he has a miniature outhouse, it even has a 1/4 moon on the front. When I saw that one. I nearly choked on a drink.
We have decided to keep the apt for another month so I have a chance to get back home and set things up so she can keep it permanently. I just wish I could find her a room mate.
The smog is so bad today that i can see only one block before it grays out.
Qingqing came home today with a girlfriend that is also a model. She actually brought me a gift. A wallet, hint hint. then she wanted me to cook her some spaghetti so what could I say. I wasnt about to let her cook me anything. She had dyed her hair so she could be a redhead/blonde but when she got to school they said no. so she had to go back to her natural color. surprising. She likes to play badminton, so i think i will pick up a game. Maybe that will start to melt. But everytime I kiss Mrs. Burk, Qinqing also kisses her. So I started to make a game of it. Finally I gave up so she could wiin. Then she laughed and thought it was funny.
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Well, today was an interesting day. We went to a restaurant that was a true Chinese restaurant, all of the fish, lobster, turtles, squid, etc. swimming around in little ponds and you pick out the ones you want. All very good. Then we went to one of the largest outdoor flea markets I have ever seen. Continues for about 10 blocks by about 6 blocks deep. Each little store was about 6 x 4. the first part was all books. the second part part was all different little things. Then there was the antique market. 4 stories high and about 12 stores deep by 20 stores wide. Then the fourth part was all the misc. stuff. some really neat things. I almost purchased an antique bow that had the sheepskin cover and two dragons mounted on it with the leather quiver and four arrow for only 500 rmb. or about $65 usd. The problem was shipping it home. I still may go back next week and get it.
Qingqing and her friend went with us. Sometimes i know she is just a 16 year old. She can be so nice and kind one minute then turn into the meanest most spoiled brat you ever want to meet. This morning she was the brat. Momma had told me that Qingqing was very dead set against us having a baby. Of course for the obvious reasons. She wants to be the only child. She even gets upset when she asks me who is the most beautiful, her mother or her. I always say her mother. She then pouts for about an hour. Anyway, today she was really being a brat. so when momma was not around I told her, wont it be nice when we have a little brother for you to take care of? I cant wait to have a baby around. Big sister can change diapers and babysit while Momma and dad go off on our trips. That almost put her over the edge. She was actually screaming. NO NO NO. I just said you know it can happen. for whatever reason she was the nicest kid for the rest of the whole day. LOL She combed my hair when it was mussed up, she straightened up my shirt, she held my hand when we walked, she even put her mp3 player earphone in my ear so I could hear the music she liked. We sat on a bench for about 30 minutes waiting around to decide what to do next. She sat next to me, put her arm around me and rested her head on my shoulder. it was all i could do to stop from laughing my head off. She then offered to go get me a drink. I said emphatically, I AM NOT THIRSTY!! Thank you. Knowing what happened last time, I was not going to repeat it or worse. Anyway she was very nice for the rest of the day.
We went to Wangjing st. that is the place where you can get scorpion on a stick. No cars allowed, etc. I had been there before but we just walked around for a while. All sorts of novelty stuff. Worth the visit. Then we went to the best place in Beijing for Peking Duck. My brother in law took us to a different place before. that was the local place. This was the touristy place. But it was truly the best Peking Duck, it was the best meal i have eaten here ever. Dinner for four was about 521 rmb or about $70 USD. So well worth it. i will go back again before I leave. So afterwards she tells me we are going to take the subway. Now until then I have always insisted on a taxi. They are cheap as far as i am concerned. But, no doing. So OK. it costs 1 Yuan or less than one cent. It was clean and fairly fast but changing trains was a pain. we had to walk from one end of the station to the other to catch our train. then when we got that and got off at our stop it was about 20 blocks home. I still grabbed a cab. hell .$68 cents is well worth the ride. She said we needed to walk, I said yes we do but I am getting a cab anyway. So off we went and home. She has to work tomorrow on Sunday, then for the next 5 days. Three nights also of English class. At least I know my way to the market and and some restaurants and then home. Plus I have the NFL for the games. Even though the time difference is tough. Qingqing is also going back to school tomorrow. I will be all alone. I thought i would like some time to myself, but I find I am dreading it. Looking forward to dinner with Brian and his lady in a few days also. Maybe back to the Peking duck place. That is not far from his place.
hope everyone else is OK. I am looking for a place to send my pics so everyone can see them. will post when I finally land it. Still have another month, but I fear this will be the loneliest month. With her working and school. If it werent for the week ends, i would just come back home and start the paperwork going. I have seen just about everything in Beijing there is to see. I do not want to travel without her but maybe I will for a couple of days. We shall see.
JimB
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Great read Jim , love to follow your Qingqing adventure's . Glad I only have to deal with one Qing myself . Hahaha
Wangjing St. is where I saw those delicious Scorpion's also . We did have Lunch there , after having to choose out of so many different thing's to eat . Topped it all off with Strawberries covered in a Candy shell .
Jim , have you been to Chinatown yet . There is a Super Restaurant , I think it was on the fourth floor off the main street in a corner of a Building ( have to look up the name ) . It looks like a Beverly Hills Rest . , where you think you'd be paying $ 1000's of dollar's to eat , but it is very reasonable and the Food it great . Has that big BOAT full of Fruit and Mellon's right in the middle of the place .
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Arnold, no I havent been there yet. Will mention it to her.
Well, she came home from work to make me lunch and start the laundry. I am not kidding guys. I told her to leave it alone but she wouldnt let me. So i will have to do it when she is gone. I told her to leave me the keys and the key card to get back in the apt. She said no. I laughed and asked her why not? She said she worried. I said I know my way around enough to go to the supermarket and a couple of stores. I have been her a month, I think i can handle that. She said no. So, I told her that i will just go out and then sit by the door until she gets home. Leave me outside for hours on end. I will let you know the outcome. LOL.
While she was making lunch, I went out to help her. She just told me to go play computer. So here I am. I hope the honeymoon lasts forever. lol.
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Thats funny Jim.You Martin and Ed all have the same problems.Your not aloud out by yourselve.Me I can go out when I want to.As long as I take a phone and I come back when she tells me I need to be back.
Isn't it funny full grown men arn't aloud to play outside.Without Chinese adult supervision.
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Thats funny Jim.You Martin and Ed all have the same problems.Your not aloud out by yourselve.Me I can go out when I want to.As long as I take a phone and I come back when she tells me I need to be back.
Isn't it funny full grown men arn't aloud to play outside.Without Chinese adult supervision.
I know I feel like I have a mother. Well, the honeymoon is over. She asked me to hang up the clothes to dry. She didnt have enough time from lunch to do it.
AND I told her if I got into any trouble or lost, I would call her on my cell. She then relented. So YAY, I got the keys. LOL. Pathetic isnt it. A full grown man getting excited because he can go outside by himself.
Here is a synopsis of my story. I am putting this here in response to Mikes thread.
Chong is right, he has been with me since the beginning, he knows my story as well as anyone. . I was writing my lady for months using EMF's spending hundreds of dollars. Only to find out after I went to China to meet her that most of the letters were from the translator. I had no idea of any of this until much later. Prior to leaving I had told the translator that if i go there and she was not the person I thought she was or no one, I would report them to some contacts I had in the Peoples Congress. (Which I do) She was almost forced by them to come to meet me. I was all of a sudden told that her and the translator would pick me up a the airport. (This was never mentioned before). I told them no, at the hotel. I wanted to clean up first after a 20 hour flight. I got to the hotel took a shower and put on my suit. Anyway, they were a half hour late. She did not look like her picture, but I knew it was her from the hair. Now here is the long story that i will cut short. She said later that she really did not know why I would come all that way to see her because we didnt know each other. She said she saw me in my suit and said he looks pretty nice, we will go on a one day date. Of course I did not know this, I thought everything was ok. We go to the Forbidden City along with my friend Benny who helped translate. Longer story shorter by the time my trip was done we were engaged. I bought her a computer so we could QQ and we did twice a day until I came here for our marriage. QQ helped to solidify our relationship. I just got lucky, extremely lucky when I found her. I think it was just meant to be. Of course we worked at it. You have to.
So you can write and write and write and still not know for certain who the other person really is. If I could only give one piece of advice, it would be to have at least one web cam visit prior to spending all that money on going. You can take a leap of faith and it can work. But do not use my relationship as an example other than I was so very very lucky in finding this woman. So, it can work for Mike, he is the only one that can call it. I feel very strongly about both sides being honest. Chong has been on the other end of this so he knows what he is talking about. Before anyone says anything, yes I consider him a friend/son?
The more time I spend here the more I can understand where the women are coming from. A lot of conversations with my wife about this. From what I can tell the other guys that are with their women are seeing the same thing. But, dishonesty is dishonesty. There may be personal reasons for it, other than trying to scam the other person but it will usually come back to haunt you. What she owes you is nothing more than honesty and you owe her that too, no matter how much money you spend. No one is putting a gun to your head and making you do it. You are doing it to find your dream and only you can know how much in personal anguish you can put up with in finding it.
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My girl is constantly shocked at the amount of information I don't know about her. She has told me a few times that she had told the translator to tell me things that I never was told. I think it's probably a bit more common than we think. Direct contact is absolutely key. We only had 2 webcams before we met but it was enough for us to know we were real. I may have exchanged more than a few letters with the agency that were not from my lady and not sent to my lady either. Sometimes I feel a bit cheated, but in the end, she is the woman I have asked to marry, she has accepted my ring and she is a beautiful dream come true. For that, I would gladly have paid double what I paid in EMF's and translator fees.
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JimB, it sounds like you have hit on that magic button of Qingqing to make her behave Hehehe, I am just wondering how long that will work.
Zhou has read this and it took her awhile because she has problems with some English word when reading but she said that Qingqing ( and ths surprissed me ) needs a stern beating from her Mama or if Mama says okay the from her new Baba.
Now you know this is not all she said but this is all I am going to print, her being Chinese you know she went on a rant for almost 20 minutes about how ungreatful Qingqing is, hehehe, my ears hurt.
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Michael,
Thank Zhou for me. I tend to agree but will hold off for a while. At least I have peace and quiet from her during the week while she is gone to school. Apparently the little brother thing worked for at least that day and she came in to say good bye today when she left for school. I dont know how many times I can use it, but I will until it stops working.
Also my new little niece is Zhou Zhou. I gave her an English name of Suzy Q. She is the cutest little thing. Just stole my heart. Very smart, she is the one with the Rubics cube.
It is 12:40 AM. I am sitting in the living room with the most fantastic view of this part of the city. Mrs. Burk is sleeping as she has to get up in the morning and I just couldnt get to sleep tonight. So I am having a couple of snow beers, reading the threads here and enjoying my life right now. Knowing my love is in the next room. My friends and my family are all happy and supporting me. And my ex wife is fuming. It cant get any better than that. LOL.
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JimB, Zhou says Bu Keqi, and she has a beautiful name Hehehe.
I really hate that Rubics cube, I can't do the danged thing.
In the words of the Eagles, " It's a peaceful, easy feelin ", and right now you got the world for your own, and could you send one or two of those beers my way hehehe.
About the ex thing, yep aint it great to for once win one with them, every time mine calls to talk to our son and Zhou answers the phone I can hear the pi** and vinager in her voice, I love it. :angel::icon_cheesygrin:
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I was thinking yesterday about the child support my Ex had me strapped with. (long story) but I realized I have only one more year to go. Then I wonder what she's going to try to get money from me? I can't wait to emerge with my "younger then her" lady. It's like giving her the finger without physically doing it. :icon_cheesygrin:
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What a great read. Things finally do turn around for the man, especially after the ex had tried anything and everything to make life hell. There isn't a feeling like it when you can see they are still livid that you have survived it all and come out on top. Been there and done it. It just takes time for the wheel to turn in your favour.
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Here are my pics and Photobucket. http://s745.photobucket.com/albums/xx95/Jimburk/?start=all if it does not work let know. If it asks for a password use getfour.
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Great Photo's Jim ! Thanks for sharing your special Day and some more . Your Suzy Q sure is a Ham , hahaha and loves the Camera I see . My best wishes for you and Mrs. Burk and the br.. I mean Qingqing .
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Great Pictures Jim!
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Great photo's Jim , shows the happiness between you and all of the family , regards Robert
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Here are my pics and Photobucket. http://s745.photobucket.com/albums/xx95/Jimburk/?start=all if it does not work let know. If it asks for a password use getfour.
Jim Mate
GREAT PICTURES, looks like everyone enjoyed them self's...But tell me 'who' was that handsome dude in the shorts'???:blush:
The little one certainly liked the camera...lol:icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
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But tell me 'who' was that handsome dude in the shorts'???:blush:
Rob , are you trying to bribe a Police Officer ?:angel: For something ?
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Jim, your photos were great, and Zhou has fallin in love with Zhou Zhou, my Zhou wants to know how is her niece ( closest I could translate ) doing, and was looking for her in every photo.
Jim there were two photos that looked like in one, well like a deer in the head lights :icon_cheesygrin:, and the other one you had your fork in hand and was looking at it like you had no clue what was on it lol.
good looking food and a great looking family there JimBo, thanks for sharing and hope it continues to go well for you, you old ridge runner :icon_cheesygrin:
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Thanks guys, I havent had a chance to caption them all yet. Will work on it as time goes on. Michael, Zhou probably meant namesake. I named her Suzy Q. Cant you tell why? Her pic with the cake on her mouth was where we were fooling around and I pushed the cake on her plate into her face. They had never heard of that custom before. Everyone cracked up at that one, except Mrs. Burk, she told me flat out no. But I still got some on her nose. But, Suzy thought it was hilarious. Yes, she loves the camera.
I wonder about this generation of Chinese that are all only children. The parents are doting on them a lot. I am not saying it is bad, it could be great for them. But, I wonder if it is not raising a generation of spoiled people. I am sure someone somewhere has done a study of it anyway. hell, maybe that is why they are becoming so westernized.
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I received a call last night from Qingqing, (yes she actually wanted to talk to me). Mama was as surprised as I was. She told me in her broken English and she was asking her friend who speaks a little english there, that she was sorry for things that were done, she wanted us to become a family and that she "needed me" and asked if I needed her? I told her of course i did, i needed her to be a big part of our family. if she really wanted it, she could have a very big family in the states who would all love her and help her. I asked Mama if she thought this was true or was she just wanting something. To me, in her voice, it sounded real but i am very much on guard when it comes to her and I am still keeping the wallet shut for a while until I find out if it is true or not. Mama said she had had a talk with Qingqing earlier in the week. Qingqing had called and was crying and said that mama was paying more attention to me than to her. She explained that I am her husband and we are a family now. She said she and I both wanted very much for Qingqing to be a part of it but it was up to her. She is after all 16 years old so next week could be totally different. I am not holding my breath but at least this is the first sign of her coming around. Who knows, but I will treat it as if it was real until proven otherwise. I really hope it is. Our lives will be so much easier and happier. Maybe she is really scared about a baby taking all of our attention. Lol. The Jim turtle is still alive at any rate. Lol
Has anyone heard from Brian? he was supposed to contact me but hasnt. i do not know his last name. If anyone does PM me and i will check his hotel.
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Jimb,
Check his hotel anyway!! .....I think it was the one you recommended to him, Green something or other wasn't it ?? At least we'd know if he's OK or not!!
David....
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Mrs. Burk and I are doing great. We just fit. Even walking together, we have the same stride and holding hands our elbows fit into each other. The language is getting better but some dinner conversations do get quiet. I will admit to that. Last night she just told me that if anything happened to us, she didnt know what she would do, she couldnt stand it, that I mean everything in the world to her. I know it isnt some BS, I can tell. I just dont know how I got so lucky to find this beautiful creature to love me so much and who wants to take care of me. I mean she is everything I have ever wanted in a partner. I know that no matter what I asked of her, she would gladly do. I got the quintessential Chinese wife. Sometimes it scares me how much she means to me. I know I sound like some love sick puppy. Some wuss who is so whipped that he is pathetic. Maybe I am. But I am the happiest wuss so I do not care.
I added some pics of our apartment at photobucket.
David, I know his hotel, I just dont have his last name. They just will not tell me anything without it.
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Jim we either outright or secretly want to be wussies like you. :icon_biggrin:
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JimB I am pleased to hear that Qingqing has come round, I did say that I thought it was the 'attention' being taken from her...The main thing is tat you 'give' her a little more leaway (not to much) now, and knowing what the problem was, you have a chance to 'fix it' without being the overbearing step-dad...
Being our ages mate, i know what you mean about being like a 'love sick puppy' I think it is only natural...:icon_biggrin:
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Thanks guys, I havent had a chance to caption them all yet. Will work on it as time goes on. Michael, Zhou probably meant namesake. I named her Suzy Q. Cant you tell why? Her pic with the cake on her mouth was where we were fooling around and I pushed the cake on her plate into her face. They had never heard of that custom before. Everyone cracked up at that one, except Mrs. Burk, she told me flat out no. But I still got some on her nose. But, Suzy thought it was hilarious. Yes, she loves the camera.
I wonder about this generation of Chinese that are all only children. The parents are doting on them a lot. I am not saying it is bad, it could be great for them. But, I wonder if it is not raising a generation of spoiled people. I am sure someone somewhere has done a study of it anyway. hell, maybe that is why they are becoming so westernized.
Jim, from reading your adventures I have been asking the same question! Surely someone has looked at this "Westernization of China" thing carefully and figured it's worth it or that
it's just a natural byproduct of open relations and embracing capitalism. I think it's amazing this is even going on. I remember growing up and hearing/watching anything about China was a BIG DEAL, they were so closed off and portrayed in certain ways (rightly or unrightly) I'm sure you know a hell of a lot more about that than I do.... I'm 47.
I remember watching the Nixon visit, and being riveted by Ping Pong on Wide World of Sports, man that was high drama in suburban Texas. :)
In '95 a friend and his wife went to China and darn near had an Official State Handler everywhere they went, and to see that you move freely in this place is almost beyond belief. Not to mention you are welcomed as a long lost relative by the immediate family is simply amazing.
From looking at teaching videos of classrooms with the smaller kids and the similar disposition of Suzy Q in the pictures, it seems this batch of young ones coming along in China are fearless and quite gregarious, not reserved at all. The world better watch out for Suzy Q and these small kids. I think it's a master plan of the State...possibly Plan B. :)
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JimB,
I've sent a PM to Martin and the Mods asking if any of them can give you his second name (family name). So you can get back to the hotel and find out if he's OK. It seems strange that you haven't heard from him, he sounded very keen to meet up with you guys, before he left....
Fingers crossed everything is OK with him Jim... lets hope one of the Mods can help you out on this one...
David....
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My own sense plus the help of my brothas have helped to maybe bring this about. That is why this site is so helpful to all of us. It gives us a different point of view or reaffirms our own. Even if not quite right the different points of views help. It gives us a different perspective to look at. One that maybe we would not have thought of. That is why it is so valuable. Anyone who does not use this resource loses. I pity the ones on any other site that does not have this type of resource or the guys who think they know it all and do not need it. Everyone does. Even if to reaffirm their own thoughts. Look at me, Maxx, Arnold, Rhonald, Martin, Chong, Sly, Scott, Mike, Michael, Rob, Shaun, Vince, David50, (sorry if I have not mentioned you) and all the others. We have all used this valuable resource to help us. maybe we are all not at the pinnacle of our love lives yet, but without it, we would be the poorer for it. In the future the new guys need it also. For we are all Brothas and want to help each other. That is why we are here. No one is making any money off of this place.
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There's an old saying... How can you tell when a teen is lying?
Their lips are moving.
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I know Vince, you are absolutely right. I have gone through one teenage daughter, but she did not give me any trouble. Cheerleader, top of her class, etc. But, the thing about this is now that I know there is even one chance that she means it, I have more solid ground to stand on and then maybe i can get through to her that I am not a threat. And I can tease her to get her out of her moods, like I did my own daughter. I know, I have to be careful about it. But, I started a little of that last weekend and I think it helped. So we will see.
If I havent heard from Brian by tomorrow I am going to go to his hotel. They will not tell me anything on the phone because i do not have a last name. I mean how many Brian's from Canada can there be in this hotel in the middle of China. Anyway, my wife and I will go there to see if we can get some info.
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Your right jim i have a step son it was hard going at first as you say letting them now your not threat go,s along way and finding that comman ground,i have been to hell and back with my step son but its all good now,i sead to him oneday i dont mind if you want to go see your dad he sead why do i want to bother with him your my dad now i was well made up i have to add his dad neaver botherd with him,so keep pluging away at her mate it be worth it in the end,keep standing your gound with her they think better of you in the end mate good luck.
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JimB,
The only thing you can be is consistent, young adults need that in there lives. If you can show that she means a hell of a lot to you (love) and that she hasn't lost a mum, but gained a real dad in her life, that's the beginning your looking for. As Scott said in his post, she's gonna revert back to that brat at times, because she'll still be testing you. It's that consistency thing, that's going to pull you and your wife through all of that.... Don't expect this to go on for too long, Teenagers, or young adults tend to catch on pretty quickly, especially when it's a win, win situation for them, especially when they can see that they are a full member of a that family, and not on the outside looking in..... You just have to be strong to be kind, i bet she'll thank you for it later on Jim!!....
David.....
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Ya'll are right. Thanks. I just dont want her to think I am a cash cow that she needs to be nice to. All teenagers think that to a certain degree anyway. So the wallet will still be shut down for a while. She will get the things she needs that goes without saying. It is just what she thinks she needs will be the problem. I am trying to be consistent. I wont take any crap, but i will not over react to things. the 24 hour rule applies here too. She comes home tomorrow so we will see how this week end goes. I want this to be set on a good course before I leave to go back home.
Still no word from Brian so tomorrow we will go to the hotel. I will report back in afterwards. Hopefully he is just so much in love he has forgotten everything and everyone and is having a ball.
Mrs. Burk is trying to kill me. lol. We took a taxi to dinner, afterwards she said we needed to walk home. About 4 miles. This is the furthest we have walked after dinner. I actually have lost about 15 lbs. and have been eating well. Jim the turtle is alive and well anyway. lol. If he survives the week end i will consider it a success.
See ya later.
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Yes but Jim, what a way to go. Happy!!!!! :icon_biggrin:
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4 MILES!!!
Good God.....thats a hell of a stroll after eating a meal.
You must be in damn good shape, I'd need a powerbar and a bottle of Gatorade.
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Jim will be doing a 20 mile yomp with 58 webbing and slr rifle next lol.
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Victor,
Only the Brit's Yomp!! haha!!
David....
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What is a yomp? :huh:
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lol i new i get them going with that one David ;)
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Still...a 4 Mile "Yomp" after dinner is a helluva haul. Did you get any prior notice about the mini-marathon?
Knowing my luck, I would pick that night to have a Western Steak Dinner with all the trimmings and dessert :(
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The Term ''Yomp'' isn't accurately described in the above link... The term Yomp describes a long distance battle trek/march over rough terrain in adverse weather conditions. If the distance to be covered were over normal terrain and normal weather conditions, it would not be a Yomp.....
The term IS still used to this day, as told by my numerous friends in the British Forces here, that frequently have to trek 10's of miles in full battle kit, ...and in 30c heat too... The Royal Marines are still a tough ole bunch so don't mess with them!! ...hahaha!!
David....
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Still...a 4 Mile "Yomp" after dinner is a helluva haul. Did you get any prior notice about the mini-marathon?
Knowing my luck, I would pick that night to have a Western Steak Dinner with all the trimmings and dessert :(
Keren also told me that we will walk our dinners off....That is exactly what I told her, .."please tell me in advance when we will walk a good distance before I eat. So I don't eat a 'big' western dinner..."
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Actually, what the Chinese do after there main meal of the day, is a very good digestive aid. It's not unusual to walk at least a mile after meals!! I always felt better for it too, much better for you than laying down and putting your feet up.
Never a good idea to go to bed with a full belly, but i think that must be a well know fact these days. The Chinese custom is just an extension of that philosophy.....
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Say David, since when are you Dennis?, is this a middle name or is one of them a fictitious name :huh: inquiring minds want to know.
And the U.S. Marines would and still, call that a hump, hahaha, Hump or Yump, its still a pain in the A$$, well maybe more in the feet hehehe.:icon_cheesygrin:
Victor, you are an instigator aren't you hahaha !!!
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Me neaver lol it just remined me when i was doing my basic training we was told we was going on a short Yomp 20 miles later you feel if your dieing oh the good old days lol
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MM,
My middle name is Dennis, ... i use it for my surfing email address, stops most of the crap coming back on my main email address!! .... Also what Lucy calls me when i get up to mischief then i'm Dennis the Menace!! She got that off my Mum, that's what she called me as a kid when i was a little bugger as she used to say! ...haha!!
Actually .... i'm being called that tonight by lucy, i moved her car key's and she couldn't find them, they were still in my pocket, when i went out!! hahaha!! That's the second time i've signed off as Dennis.... both times after getting it in the ear from Lucy calling me Dennis....haha!! You know the feeling after at least a 20 minutes of ranting!! ....lol!!
David...
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Oh God yes, I'm hearing it now about that damned dog hahaha
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MM,
My middle name is Dennis, ... i use it for my surfing email address, stops most of the crap coming back on my main email address!! .... Also what Lucy calls me when i get up to mischief then i'm Dennis the Menace!! She got that off my Mum, that's what she called me as a kid when i was a little bugger as she used to say! ...haha!!
Actually .... i'm being called that tonight by lucy, i moved her car key's and she couldn't find them, they were still in my pocket, when i went out!! hahaha!! That's the second time i've signed off as Dennis.... both times after getting it in the ear from Lucy calling me Dennis....haha!! You know the feeling after at least a 20 minutes of ranting!! ....lol!!
David...
LOL I remember seeing you signed off as Dennis before I thought it was another guy using your account...lol
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No I thought we were taking a taxi home. She just started with a little romp to the mall,. then after the mall to the next store then the next then the next. When i said I have had enough she said we are almost home. I said OK, then it was 2 more miles. i kept seeing places I knew but did nt realize how far they were from home. I told he never pull that on me again. I need to be mentally prepared for that. She just laughed. I got home, took a shower and died. She didnt get anything last night, I tell you for sure. LOL.
I will tell you about today in a little bit. Good day with Qingqing. But didnt start out that way.
Today, Qingqing was coming home from school. So first thing, I changed all of my information from my wallet to the one she bought me. She was going to meet us at the art school. Now the art school is about 10 blocks by 10 blocks. Of course we did not know that then. We go there, go through some of the exhibits. We got into an area where my phone did not work, although I did not know that. Soon we started to call her. Long story short. By the time we got through to her she was totally lost and crying. Of course it was my fault. Because it was my phone that was the culprit. I tried for about two hours to make it up to her. Of course no go. Finally I just said I quit and did no more talking to her. we got a cab and went to the shopping center to get things for dinner. While there her and her mother decided they wanted sea food, (which I mostly hate). I said fine. We sat at the table and her father calls her. I do not know what it was all about, but at the end she was crying. Now I am about ready to explode on this asshole. He pays no bills on this girl yet thinks he has the right to holler at her. But, I steam and say nothing. She cannot even eat, she is so upset. I go to pay the bill and she sees I have the wallet she gave me. She actually smiles. Mama has to go to class so just Qingqing and I go home. I keep my cool. we get home and take a look at the turtles, she thinks they are dead and of course this is my fault also. But, they finally start moving around so all is good. i can tell she wants to talk to me but the language thing is there. So I start to talk about music and that I want to take her and her friends to KTV next week end. Next thing I know we are deep in discussion of Michael Jackson through google translate. She has only a slight knowledge of what he was. So I fill her in. It goes from there to other things and we are starting to have fun. King Kong, deep Dark Book and other films. Next she brings up some of Michael jacksons dance routines and of course I do the worst imitation in the world of him. She starts dancing with me. Mama comes home and sees this and starts cracking up. So here I am doing a solo Michael jackson of Billie Jean. Of course I ham it up a bit. By the time I am done, Qingqing is howling, comes up to me and puts her arms around me and tells me i am great. then she says she wants the three of us to go someplace together tomorrow like a real family. I tell you it was all worth it. I know we have a long way to go but at least this is the first big step. I said Ok, as long as there is no shopping, she said OK as long as there is no big meals. I agreed. So tomorrow should be fun.
An interesting thing happened while waiting for Qingqing. Now while waiting for her, I sit on a bench holding my wife's purse. this Chinese guy comes up, sits down next to me and offers me a cigarette. I refuse of course. then he starts a conversation. I told him that i speak very little Mandarin. He scoots closer. I scoot away. he scoots closer. I am tired and angry by this time. I turn to him and tell him to get the F**k away from me or I will brain him. He pulls on my wife's purse and is saying I do not know what. So i grab his arm, twist it behind his back and am ready to break it when my wife comes running up and tells me he is an art teacher. (She knew him from a class he took) He apparently liked her purse as it is different. I felt a little embarrassed and apologized to him. he just smiled and ran away. In my own defense, we had earlier cashed some US money and had about 12000 rmb in her purse. That is why I was holding it while she was looking for Qingqing.
But ,really I thought he was trying to pick me up. I was having a bad day anyway. the bank only took about 2/3rd of the money, partly because they were "dirty". I had a bank guard looking over my shoulder because I made a comment about it being stupid and idiotic. Which pissed me off even more then they said they were only giving me 6.7 instead of 6.8. so I was getting really pissed. The guard called another guard and they were both standing behind me. Just looking at me. I turned around and glared at them. My wife kept her cool and I think that is the only reason we got out of there like we did. When we got out of the bank, she turned to me and popped me on the head. She said do not ever do that again in a bank in China. They can throw you in jail just for looking cross eyed at a bank teller. Well, I learned two lessons today.
I went to the hotel where Brian is supposed to stay. they say they have nothing on him. They did not check very well , so I ask for the manager. he is a frilly little prig. He says they have no one by that name either registered or canceled. We hang around the lobby for awhile hoping to see him. Nothing. So i have no idea what next for him. Any suggestions? I have already PM'd him twice.
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Jim get your self a pair of roller blades lol,love reading your updates jim well cool may the force be with you lol ;)
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Jim I would have done the same thing as you. The glaring at the guards, the art teacher? Which by the way just because he knows the wife doesn't mean he wasn't hitting on you. Here's a hint, he was interested in her pocketbook.
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Sarge...I am loving the update. I am glad things are getting better with your new daughter.
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JimB
Every ones a cracker that you've written so far Jim. hahaha!! And, glad to hear that things might be picking up with Qingqing, just keep on showing her, what a real Dad is like to be around!!
Well as far as Brian's conserned, you've now done just about all you can do Jim. The only thing i can think of now, is that maybe Brian isn't his first name, as we know him.
I can't remember now, if he was planning to stay at that hotel for the duration of his stay in China or if he was planning going somewhere else. We'll just have to wait and see, if or when he decides to let anyone know what's been happening during his stay in China!!
I hope that others here remember, that if they make arrangements to meet up, or to make contact with a Brother over there, do it!! Or at the very least contact them or the Forum telling them they can't make it for one reason or another. At least they will know your OK then.....
David.....
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I hope that others here remember, that if they make arrangements to meet up, or to make contact with a Brother over there, do it!! Or at the very least contact them or the Forum telling them they can't make it for one reason or another. At least they will know your OK then.....
An excellent piece of advice. Maybe we should make a thread on this issue in the useful links and articles section, and make it a sticky.
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Jim, thats is too funny about the purse guy. You're kind that you didn't hurt the guy.
Sounds like your stepdaughter has been disappointed and letdown in the past by her dad and this has all been a big defense mechanism of sorts to not let it happen again. It's really cool to hear she's willing to try opening up to you and that underneath all the petulant teenager stuff she's a sweet kid who NEEDS a Dad.
This other guy has got a lot of balls...wishing to exert his influence over her on your dime.
Maybe you'll get to meet him before you'll leave. :)
Great story!
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...Maybe you'll get to meet him before you'll leave. :)
Great story!
Yeah and take him round the corner...
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To hell with around the corner, take him out behind the wood shed Jim and whoop his Ass.
sorry I'm in my bottle tonight.
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Hey , who's got the Wood-chipper at this moment ? Didn't we loan it out to one of our brother's here ?:angel:
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MM,
Not an alcoholic bottle i hope .....''Her Indoors'' ain't gonna like that, ..... One Little Bit!!!! haha!!
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MM,
Just read your other post Mike, so now completly understand!! Yes i know what you saying about these ladies knowing what you need and when you need it. I like the way you call the runners, ...''Clients'' had a little chuckle reading that lol!! but i suppose at the end of the day that's what they are, all be it reluctant ''Clients'' ...hahaha!!
What i want to know, .....is where did she get this bottle from, you said she had emptied the house of anything remotely alcoholic??? ...Including a very old and expensive bottle of brandy (i think it was) LOL!!!
David.....
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David Zhou handed it to me and pointed to where I could drink it to, its rum :icon_biggrin:
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After the good night we had last night. She poked her head in before going to bed and said goodnight, Jim. In English. I said good night baby see you in the morning. My wife was very happy about how the evening went.
But being the age I am I waited this morning to see which way the wind was blowing before saying anything. LOL. Everything was good. She even brought in all of her fingernail polish and asked me to rate them 1-10. So I did. then she did. the bottom half was close, the top half was a bit different but not really that far off. She seemed pleased with that. We decided to go to the water park. This is where they held the volleyball tournament during the Olympics. This is a huge park. we went to the pool area but man the water was so cold, all I could do is take one lap and I was done. So I talked her into going with me to the bumper boats. The three of us had a blast. Raming each other, racing, all of the kids stuff. Then we went and played volleyball. It has been along time since I played that. Plus the sand was about 4" deep and very loose so running was a real bear. we only could stand about a half hour before we were all wiped out. Then we buried Qingqing in the sand and just played. My wife said her father had never done anything like that even she was little. On the way back to the gate in the shuttle, she asked me to sit next to her. we fooled around taking pictures and joking,etc. I could feel her warming up in a big way. the good thing was there was no real money involved, just play. When we got home this evening she said she was going to wait until late tomorrow to go back to school so she and I could go to the market and grocery shop as Mama has to work. So all in all, I am feeling really good about the way things are going. Of course my guard is up anyway but Mama said she could see her really warming up to me. If so this will make my life here almost perfect. If it werent for my Son, daughter and granddaughter back in the states, I would just as soon stay here. But, i have a lot of things to do when I get back. I have decided to get rid of everything. All of my toys, the boat, sea doos, the camper and horse trailer, the trailer and all of that sort of thing. I will get what we need when they get there. But for now i want to be free and clear of everything. (Not my car or my bike). This way I can travel light between Savannah and Beijing. I will definitely be in Savannah for this baby being born.
Speaking of babies. The subject keeps coming up here. I have been very delicate in my choice of words. She is tempting you know? A small part of me would like to have another child, especially with her because it would make her so happy. At 58 years old, I just cant see it. I will get the reversal of the vasectomy, but I am sure nothing will come of it. Especially since I am friends with the Dr. I hate to be this way about it, but it would hurt her too deeply if I just said no. If she thinks that it is just meant not to be, I think we both will be happier about it.
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jim, My wife and I covered this subject in our letters at some point. I explained to her about losing my second daughter to a genetic defect and then my third coming 3 mo early and spending those 3 mo in the hosptial and the docotors couldnt tell us if she'd live or die. I went on to explain what a difficult time that was for me and how torturous it was to visit her each day in the hosp but nobody could tell me if she'd live. Although she's fine now I explained that I really desired to accept the blessings of children I already have and live the rest of my life with the love and happiness of my wife and guide my children to a happy healthy life. She seemed to understand my feelings about it and it doesnt seem to bother her at all. We're both around 40 and although we could still have children, she realizes I just dont want to go through that painful part again.
Everybody is gonna have a different reason to not have kids at various ages but honestly I just want to love the ones I have, watch em grow and enjoy the rest of my life in the warmth and comfort of a loving wife.
It's nice to hear your willing to go through the reversal for her but are you prepared for it being successful and having another child? Lets say, in hypothetical, you have a child a year from now. At 10 yrs old, you'll be 69. To see him/her graduate from senior school, you'll be somewhere around 77. Just those thoughts alone would worry me.
Sounds like things are going very well Jim. I'm glad to read all this.
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Jim, as you know my wife and I are going to have a baby in about 4 more months ( wow that soon ), it was not planed but I wouldn't change anything, I am 53 and she is 43, we have a lot of Dr.'s appointments to go to but hay, what the hell, I don't mind much, This is not for every one but I think I will love having as she calls the baby, " a mix blood baby ", she fawns over the child now and I worry that she will cause that " Little princess effect " when the baby is born, anyway, I think that if it happens then it was meant to be and you'll have a lot of exsplaining to do to Qingqing, hahaha, yeah I can laugh but I wouldn't if I were you. hahaha.
Good luck buddy, your going to need it.
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MM,
This subject of a baby, came up a number of times on my trip ... I also heard how wonderful it would be to have a baby with "mixed blood" ... I am just not wanting to do this .... I am 48, and Jessica is 37 ..... and I think this subject will appear again ....
Mike
Mike you better believe it will come up again and again until she gets the answer she wants, yeah she may say okay to you and let it sit for a few weeks but you can bet it will be back, good luck with that guys you'll need it. Hahahaha, sorry lost it there for a sec., I just keep picturing Mike and Jim sitting there holding new borns and then having a wet spot on thier pant legs, Hahaha.
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Babies are one thing that are going to keep comming up.If the conversation was started by the women.Yes mixed blood babies are great.You just have to get used to the kid being the center of attention if you take the kid to China.
Me and my son draw a crowed whenever we go out togehter in China.It gets to be so bad you can't get to where your going without stopping and talking to everyone.Along the way
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Western/Asian hybrid babies are adorable, and they always seem to grow up into strikingly beautiful adults.
I'm not sure I've seen many Western/Han Chinese hybrids, but they seem to usually look quite western, with quite pale skin and the most beautiful asian eyes. Western/Thai or Western/Filipino kids are adorable, and they grow up into lovely adults, look at the UK's Mylene Klass (half filipino, and totally stunning).
I would love to have kids with my beloved, and if we are blessed with a girl, I will dress her head to toe in Hello Kitty cuteness :blush:.
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Keren will have to be very special for me to go anywhere the knife again..:s .My vasectomy was 20 years ago and I still remember the pain...:@ My misses then said I was hung like an elephant and walked like John Wayne..._cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
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Keren will have to be very special for me to go anywhere the knife again..:s .My vasectomy was 20 years ago and I still remember the pain...:@ My misses then said I was hung like an elephant and walked like John Wayne..._cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
Rob, all she is going to have to do is wait until the two of you are done " playing " for the night, wait until you are half asleep and say baby, please lets have mix blood baby and you'll do anything to make her happy, at first you'll come fully awake and look at her to say no but the word yes will come out of your mouth once you see her eyes Hahahaha
and I'm going to be the one in the back of your mind saying " Hahahaha I told you so, na na nana na na":icon_cheesygrin::icon_twisted:
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ROFLMAO
Would I????......:icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
Michael and Mike you two are way too funny...ROFLMAO
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Brother, once she has you and she is sure you can't and doesn't want to get away you'll be yelling for a Dr. to fix it so you can make her happy :icon_cheesygrin:
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I agree with Scott. Whatcha doing over there???
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Not much really going on right now. EXCEPT, my daughter told me today the she is having TWINS. Is that not incredible? Her mother came from a family with twins, mine did to, way back and so did Bobby's family, but never thought about it. She is scared and happy. AND I think it finally put my wife's wanting a baby to rest. She realizes now that two babies to help take care of would be enough. She of course is overjoyed for Chevaun but a little sad for herself. At least i am not to blame, LOL. She is still an incredible woman.
Today we went to the Great Wall and Mings tomb. Mings tomb in actually boring and the wall was so smoggy and foggy that you could not see more than 20 feet away. Wasted day. Qingqing came back last night from school, I was waiting to see if her attitude was going to change again, but it didnt, she told me she missed me and gave me her cheek to kiss. But, she is still spoiled rotten. But what a beautiful girl. she brought home new pictures of her. Just incredible.
Thanks for being interested, but like I said not much happening right now. And the turtles are still alive.
Well take care and update later.
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We went ot to dinner tonight at a nice place. Of course Qingqing had to take over. She had to order, she had to pass the food out, she had to do everything. now normally i do not mind this. Besides it is usually on one or two meals. but tonight she really got to me. she is a 16 year old in a grown up womans body with an angelic face and a personality of a spoiled 5 year old. I cannot eat spicy food. Because of my stomach injuries if I do it kills me later. I have told her this. well, she orders the spiciest food on the menu, except for one thing. Ok, no problem. When she passes the food out she hides some really hot stuff under the stuff i eat so when i get it, I also get a big bite of it. she laughs her head off. OK. she starts to pick out some of the things she does not like and puts them on another plate. No problem. then she fills the plate up and then starts to flick the pices off, some of them get on her mothers dress, Mama does not say anything just picks them off. Then she starts towards me. Thats when i put a halt to it. Of course she pouts. Now she has made a mess of the table. I start to straighten it out but when I do she just makes more of a mess. So I figure it will just make more work forthe employees there so I quit. then she has to hand feed everyone. I tell her i am full but of course that does not go, because she starts to force it in my mouth, until I either eat it or I go off, so I eat it. She just laughs and thinks it is funny. She gets a bite of food that is hot, she puts it in her teeth and hollers mor mama, so mama has to blow on it until it cools down. Now I blame my wife for this behavior but what am I going to say? When she gets up to go to the bathroom, my wife says sometimes Qingqing acts like a child, i just look at her and say "Whose fault is that?" She says hers, I say then why not do something about it? She says well i have felt guilty about her not having a father. I say now she does, you do not have to feel guilty anymore. I will help you if you want me to. She says well wait. i say ok, but if we get to the states and she continues this way, i will step in and take care of it. I raised my daughter to never do anything like this crap and she doesnt. now she is upset with me. But at this point, I do not care. I just cannot put up with this behavior. I tell me wife, I want to love Qingqing but I cannot when she acts this way. So you need to start correcting this behavior. She is doing nothing but hurting herself in the long run. No one will want to be around her. Anyway she and i walked home quietly while the brat kept up her shit. Goosestepping, making fun of people, etc. I am telling you I am keeping my cool with the kid. So we shall see.
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Good luck Jim, they can be trying sometimes, but so far you seem to be doing the right thing, keep it together and this will work out.
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JimB,
You can't sort this out on your own, you need Mama's help with Qinqing. She really needs to have a long talk with her about her childish behaviour, and to tell her that she is now becoming embarrassed when in public with her. The most important things to a teenager is her appearance, and popularity. I guess it's the attitude, and therefore her popularity that she needs to work on. These teenagers like to think, that there young adults ,(more adult than young) so if both of you, and maybe other family members, can convince her she is acting childish compared to her age, ....things just may get better quicker!! I still think it's a phase she's going through, along with a bit of testing the waters as far as your conserned Jim. Mum has to be a big part of the so called cure, You need to be there to back her up, or when you can see her beginning to cave in to her.
You'll get there in the end Jim, just takes a bit of time, a bit of understanding, and showing lots of care throughout!! Show and give praise whenever it's deserved, and disapproval without going OTT, when it really needs it ... Remember, your kids had a lot of guidance throughout their childhood, Qingqing hasn't. Mums been trying to compensate her for not having a dad there for her, she's just over compensated, ....time i guess to bring her back into the real world!!
David....
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When she gets up to go to the bathroom, my wife says sometimes Qingqing acts like a child, i just look at her and say "Whose fault is that?" She says hers, I say then why not do something about it? She says well i have felt guilty about her not having a father. I say now she does, you do not have to feel guilty anymore. I will help you if you want me to. She says well wait. i say ok, but if we get to the states and she continues this way, i will step in and take care of it.
I think you're on the right track. My wife and I view this as being each others guide. By supporting her, you're empowering her to take control and deal with it. It sounds like you know how far you can push it without making her too angry so I commend you and wish you luck to help guide her and help her guide her daughter to better behavior.
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Jim
You and many of us here have raised daughters, through the terrible teenage years and onto becoming real Women in the real World.
It is said that children grow up...despite Parents :icon_cheesygrin:
We all faced the tantrums, the posturing and the attention seeking...and got through it somehow.
I think you have a somewhat different problem with Qingqing. Her behaviour seems to get close to anarchy !!!....it is a direct challenge to you as her Mum's new partner...and her Father-to-be.
You cant fix it on your own.
It may be difficult to get your Wife to agree to a programme of total overhaul of Qingqing's behaviour...too big a job in one bite.
But...."united we stand, divided we fall"
I truly believe that you and your wife must have a solid agreement to do something TOGETHER over one aspect of her behaviour that you BOTH agree to committ to....just one thing only at this stage....could be "table manners"
Only when you and your wife present a united front to this child will she begin to get the message that she must begin to change...otherwise she will play both ends against the middle for ever, she cant lose !!!
It is totally unaceptable for her to 1) poison you, 2) sneak hot food in your plate so you will get crook stomach. That is beyond tantrums...it is anarchy !!!
But she wont recognise the need for change until Mama gets on your side and reinforces what you both expect from her. But "little steps", one thing at a time
Good luck
DavidE
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Jim,
I feel your pain. I won't give you any advice because I would do what you want to do but haven't. I raised two girls and still have a boy at home though I am ready to send him out on his own. He says he want to join the Air Force and friend I would take him to basic training tonight if I thought I could. He needs a drill sergeant in the worst way. He will believe anyone but me right now. I could tell you stories but I don't want to bore you or get mad this close to bedtime.
That said, I will agree with David E that you and your wife must be in unity aourt Qinqing. The other thing is when Qinqing doing those things to you she is trying to get you to behave what she considers badly in front of her mother. So you are doing good by not over reacting and playing it down.
There is a reason God made children as babies. It is so they can survive their teens without their life being snuffed out by a parent. If they all started as teens very few would make it to adulthood and a lot of parents would be in prison.
Hang in there bro you've got what we are all hoping for.
Shaun
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JimB, the best known scenario would be if Mama agreed to let you ( Baba ) take Qingqing out behind the wood shed with a willow switch but you and I know that, that aint going to happen so do like David5o, Ed W., and David E. also Shaun is right, if they were born teenagers I would have killed my two and replaced them with 2 more, better behaved, Hahahaha.
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JimB, the best known scenario would be if Mama agreed to let you ( Baba ) take Qingqing out behind the wood shed with a willow switch but you and I know that, that aint going to happen so do like David5o, Ed W., and David E. also Shaun is right, if they were born teenagers I would have killed my two and replaced them with 2 more, better behaved, Hahahaha.
MLM,
Funny thing happened. After typing my previous response I stepped in to the restroom for a few. My son came in and read what I wrote before I posted. He said, "Dad, who are you kidding. We know when to stop with you. You get that going postal look in your eyes and we stop." I said, "Hmmm.... I guess I need to get that look a little sooner." As he walked out of my room I heard him say quietly, "Crap!"
Man I love messing with their minds. :icon_cheesygrin:
He's a good kid though.
Shaun
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Jim, I think it best to not assume she ordered the spicy food on purpose. It could be her way of being playful. As for the mess I would have said something like "What are you 5 years old, I thought you were more mature then that?" at that age they think they are adults. Work the age thing and she might start understanding.
You have to be quick witted. If she is anything like my kids. :s When they were young I said something like stop acting like little kids and got a reply of "but we are kids?" little bitches. :dodgy:
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Wow, I'm glued to the continuing adventures of Qinqing :angel:.
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Jim put something on her plate that she does not like, :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:hidden of course...
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Jim put something on her plate that she does not like, :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:hidden of course...
Rob, I understand what you are saying but I think that give approval for her to do things like that more.
If you did that with me the war would be on. I remember one of my children testing me like that with tossing a little food at me with her spoon; a piece of corn I think. I looked at her, smiled, went back to eating. As soon as she looked away she got a face full of mashed potatoes. The war was on. The three kids and I were having a great time. We were at home. I looked at my ex and smoke was boiling from her ears. I asked the kids to stop. That evening I told the kids we all clean up the mess. I could bring it back on today with one little flick of food and the war would be on. Before the divorce mom loosened up a little and participated a couple of times but you could tell she really didn't like it.
I think it is best to calmly but with authority say that he does not like or approve of that. Wife needs to back it up too. This is the biggest key. With my 19 year old son it is simple. Do what you are told or no money for gas, or no internet, or if he doesn't like rules or chores he can find another place to live. He does what I ask.
Shaun
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No mate.......it would show her that IT'S not nice when it happens to YOU...A lesson learned !!!
When she would get to it and start going on, THAT would be the time to say..."You did not like that, NOW you know how I felt...!!! "
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There is also the language problem with her. She does very very little English. So even if I say something it has to be interpreted so it then looses some of its flavor. And then she does crap like to day. I have actually been ill today from the spicy food. She knows it was her fault. Instead of gloating,(which I thought she would do), she took the day taking care of me. Making sure I was ok, making me something to eat,(Yes I made her test it first). Of course Mama was mad at her as today was our one month anniversary and I am sick and she had taken the day off of work to be with me so we could do something together. I was in bed until about 1 PM this afternoon. I dont know. I tell you if I had known this kid like this before we got married. I would not have done it. we would have waited until she was out of the nest and gone. I knew the kid was spoiled and could act up, I just didnt know it was this bad. I do not want to over react because that will make it worse in the long run. And yes I need my wife as a united front. But, I tell you, there are days. It is great when she is gone during the week. I am beginning to dread the week ends now. Well I only have two more to get through and I will be going back to the states.
When I see my daughter i am going to give her the biggest hug for both things, one, giving us twins and two for being the great kid she was and woman that she has become. She turns 30 today.
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She knows it was her fault. Instead of gloating,(which I thought she would do), she took the day taking care of me. Making sure I was ok, making me something to eat
You'll see she learned her lesson. There are some that think things like this are funny (spicy food) they do it without any thoughts. Let me guess? Is she a Taurus? (19 April – 20 May)
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Sorry, she was born November 11th. I finally got over it this afternoon. By the way, i havent said it for the past couple of posts, but I have the most wonderful wife. Today is our 1 month anniversary. She is the most loving caring woman, she does things for me that i do not even ask for. She makes sure I have clean clothes every day. Anything I want I get, she is working very hard everyday on her English. She does 100 little things that I never thought of. I like a couple of glasses of red wine at night. Usually with dinner. Yesterday she saw that I was out. (Of course I wasnt drinking anyway) She went out and made a special trip to the grocery store to make sure I had some when i wanted it. I am a football fan so Sunday nights here i stay up to 1 AM so I can catch a game. She said she was waiting up with me until the game came on even though she had to get up at 6 am to go to work. She brought me out a pillow and a comforter so i would not be cold while watching the game. Of course I fell asleep after the game was over at 4:30 so she got up came and got me, put me to bed and told me to sleep until she came home for lunch and would cook me something then. Like I said, we have only been married for a month but I have a feeling she would do it forever more. How lucky can one man be.
Tonight we went out to dinner to one of her favorite places. I have had trouble since I have been here finding unsweet ice tea. they actually had some new stuff at this restaurant. She went back to the owner and asked him where he bought it, so after dinner off we go to this place, she bought a case of it for me. During dinner they also had a type of Soy sauce that i found i liked. She talked the waitress into filling a bottle up for us to take home. This time she said OK to the tip. it seems the waitress and she are from the same home town, plus the waitress remembered me from before. Plus she loves it when I admit that I am wrong. I told her she was right about our anniversary being the wedding dinner day, not the day we got out red books. She called her best friend and told her, her brother and Qingqing.
I have to admit that I am getting a bit homesick. Not knowing the language well enough to get out on my own very much plus her working has sort of gotten to me. we go out most every evening for dinner but that leaves me alone most of the day. I do go outside to the park here but the kids are in school. I have English language TV on my computer and I found a place I can download a ton of movies, but that also gets old. I miss my family back home. I have gotten a feel for how it will be for her when she comes to the states so i can be sympathetic to her. She is so great, i dont want her to be sad for one single day. She says the same thing about me too. Anyway her feet are on my back telling me it is time for bed.
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Jim,
You luck dog you.
Shaun
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Jim, yes I thnk that shaun is right....You are a lucky dog....
Man enjoy it...
Homesickness is dreadful, I remember getting it the last time I was away working, just keep the happy thoughts of your lady in your mind mate...
Everything will be fine mate.:icon_biggrin:
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Homesickness sucks...but remember how much worse it would be if you were not with her right now. Keep your chin up, and enjoy yourself. I am enjoying your posts Sarge.
Martin
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JimB, even though I have my family here with me, it seems that I get homesick for China, I mean I really get a little down about it, I drag around in a funk, and when I'm in China I feel I am home, America doesn't feel like home to me anymore, I come here to work to make money so we can go home for a month or two, I can't wait to retire, just keep your self busy and before you know it you'll be coming back.
Good luck Jim.
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It is not a full blown crisis, just a little homesickness. She works all day and it is tough to get around without knowing the language that well. As I said in another post, not everyone can understand the translator that well. Then it becomes them guessing and asking you then you guessing back then Who's on first or Wan on Second St. LOL. I think more than anything it is my daughter being pregnant and my granddaughter crying the last time I talked to her asking me when I would be home.
Oh, by the way that reminds me, last week I passed this St.: Nanu Nanhu Blvd. I cracked up. I remember an old story by Buddy Hackett. he came to China back just before President Nixon did. Buddy Hackett, was a real comedian, in one of his little bits he told the audience in China that the new greeting in America was Nanu Nanu (Robin Williams) and held his hands up like Robin did in Mork from Ork. When he left he had everyone in the audience doing it. He said about a week later just before he was going to leave he was told that an ambassador greeted one of Nixon's aides in this manner and was very embarrassed when told of the origin and had actually given orders for Hackett to never set foot on Chinese soil again. And he never did. I heard Hackett tell that story a number of times. He said he was put on Nixons black list too.
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Nanu Nanu!
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Nanu Nanu!
I got homesick when I went to Hong Kong. But the second time I went to Japan I felt as if I belonged there and not knowing the language didn't bother me that much.
I'm not sure how I'll feel about China. My lady lives in the middle, and I think I would miss the sea.
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General Ramblings.
Before when I was gone I was in the military or working so it didnt bother me. When she is home it is a different story.
By the way, i found this web site. http://www.expatsinchina.com/ looks pretty interesting and has employment opportunities, etc. If I were going to stay here I would definitely join. Gujys coming here should take a look. Not just for Beijing either.
She told me today at lunch she does not want to keep the apartment after I leave. She has been saying all along that she wanted to keep it. So when I asked her to really tell me why, she said she didnt want to put any pressure on me to have to support 3 households and have to go to work to do it. Plus she said the other night when I didnt sleep with her (I was up for the game) she was so lonely and cold she didnt want to keep it without me being here as it would only remind her how much she misses me. She can handle it better back in the dorm. We have it paid up until the middle of November so we decided to wait until then. Give her some time after I am gone to see how she handles it. I think the baby thing may be about that too. I actually have talked her into waiting on the baby thing for a while after we get her to the states.
The city is really getting all dolled up for National Day. Every major street has flags, etc. Adding a little bit of feeling of not really belonging. Everyone makes me feel welcome and comfortable. It is just that I do not get excited about this if you know what I mean.
I did get an e mail from work, they are having a full blown crises and I am the only one that can fix it. I e mailed them step by step on how to get it temporarily done and would fix it once I got back. Actually good to know I am still needed somewhere. Only now as a consultant not an employee. Really gonna cost them. lol.
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We went to the Old Summer Palace Gardens today. Just a bunch of falling down stones if you ask me. A reminder of times gone by. Most of it was destroyed about 1860 by the Anglo French alliance. then went to the Summer Palace. This was done up nice except the smog was thick again today and hard to see any distance. (I put pics here http://s745.photobucket.com/albums/xx95/Jimburk/) Neither place got me excited. Maybe I have seen enough of the "Old China". They have a great history. but that is what it is, History.
Qingqing came home tonight from schoold with "great" news. She asked for and received time off from school because her new "Step Father" was leaving in 12 days and she wanted to spend as much time with him as she could. First of all she did not even aske her mother about this, secondly the first thing she asked to do was spend the next 2 weeks in Wuhan, where her boyfriend is. This is the first time Mama hit the roof. She said absolutely not, said she would not give her one rmb to go and she would not have any place to stay because she would call grandma and all the family to not let her stay there. Great, now I have a pissed off 16 year old stuck with me at home until I leave. I told Mama that I would pay for a plane ticket for her to go. She of course said no, that in 5 days she had taken off until I leave. so it is only 5 days alone with her. I really tried tonight to be a good guy with her. I talked to her about driving lessons when she got to the states. Then she started in on how I was going to by her a new Mini Cooper when she got her license. I did not come out and say no, but I said we will have to see how everything goes. Of course she got the gist and was even more pissed. So she pouted. Which is fine, because when she does that, she doesnt talk. Things are going to change drastically when this kid gets to the states. She will probably hate me.
Update:
Tonight I was even kidding with her and Mama about Mama being pregnant. She turned around and said she would kill the fetus. Now the hair on the back of my neck stood up when she said that. She may have not been serious but even saying that is enough. This kid needs serious help. I am going to talk to Mama tomorrow(After waiting 24 hours) about sending her to a psychiatrist. This is not going on any longer. If Mama does not agree, I am not coming back to Beijing until the kid is on her own. At the time Mama said she was only mad at me and her. I said I do not care how mad she was. Saying it was enough for me.
With the kid not in the picture she is the perfect wife for me we have the greatest time. I love her madly. I know she loves me too. we could have a great life together, but, I cannot put up with this kid. I couldnt trust her around any members of my family. She may try something just to get back at me.
Guys tell me, am i over reacting on this? Am I taking the word of a spoiled 16 year old too seriously? Maybe i am too close to this situation. Because I am getting ready to throw out what could be the best thing that has ever happened to me because of this kid. we have been married for only 5 weeks and i am pulling my hair out over this kid. I need some objective advice. Dinger, Chong, David, Shaun, Mike, Maxx, Arnold, Ed, Rob, Vince, et al. What the hell do you all think about this?
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She sounds like a right spoiled brat but I half wonder if cabin fever is setting in slightly Jim.
People say they will "kill" all the time without meaning it . Like I'll kill you if you say that , my friend would kill me if he heard me tell you this etc etc. Shes just a spoiled teen, as you say when she gets back to the states shes going to realise shes nothing special and is going to have to do a helluva lot of growing up and fast. 16 years old is probably the most hormonal a teenager gets, in two years she'll be a completely different person even if she doesn't realise it is my guess.
A pain in the ass to live with but I'd be really careful about suggesting to her mother that she needs to see a shrink, I think you risk taking face really badly there.
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JimB,
I don't know what to say but what I would do, and as my wife is pregnant I would have took Qingqing over my knee, when it comes to this baby I don't even joke, fortunetly, my other kids love the idea.
I would have to have a very serious talk with my wife and let her know how you feel and what you think should be done, ask her for her thoughts on the matter and try to come to a compromise, if the two of you can't then let her know how you truely feel about the whole situation, and then you will know where you stand and what Mama will let you do or not do to punish your step daughter, just make sure you and Mama are on the same page, its safer that way.
Good luck Jim.
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It's hard for me to observe her not seeing how she reacts to things. So I can't say what to do based on what I don't see. ?? understand? Body language tells me allot. By her saying she would kill the fetus? Tells me she thought of and came up with an answer to the mom could have another child.
I know I would have exploded right there and then. I would have included - if you come to the states with this attitude you'll have you face smashed in everyday. And talk like that will put her in JAIL. Man, I would have thrown everything I had at her along with the kitchen sink.
I went through a real rough patch with my oldest. Grant it she had brain problem that caused the nastiness. I was told I abandoned them? Even though during and after the divorce I saw them every morning and took them to school, etc. She was pissed that I didn't fly to NY EVERY weekend to see her? when I moved down here. There was a time I didn't talk to her for over a year. But that's me, my kindness only goes so far and then ...
You'll have to judge the situation yourself, but she's either trying to get a rise out of you or waiting to see some strength? Momma might be making excuses for the daughter? which isn't going to help.
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Jim,
I feel your pain but maybe it is time for a different approach. I think what is happening here is a war that neither one of you want to lose. For 16 years she has had her way. To her, you are a short timer. The only problem is, her mother is seeing the light and realizing that Qingqing really has issues. Not real major ones just spoiled child kind.
I think the reason Qingqing reacted with this response is because you upped the scales on her. Remember she has no intention at this point in losing the war. I don't think that means killing a baby, I think she said it to win and scare you. Now add to all of this, Momma is standing up to her. Jim add to that how much her culture is changing. It is hard to keep up with it. I am assuming she is in a boarding school. What are the other students saying to her? Are they saying mom and step-dad are wrong? I imagine they are. Think back when you were in high school. How much do you tell the boys you were getting? How much did you actually get? Same type issue. When my daughters went off to college in Millegeville, they changed. They told me that I was too hard and that other parents were not as strict as I am. My response? Then let their parents pay your school bill.
My youngest is somewhat like Qingqing. He is 19, two older sisters who are going to school but living on their own and his momma has let him have his way but with me the buck stops here. So he does something, I get mad and impose a penalty. He doesn't like it so he ups the scale, then so do I and it gets to the point that my responses become ridiculous.
Jim, I was spoiled by two wonderful daughters. They didn't fight me too much but they would do the right thing and not question my authority, most of the time. It didn't take much to bring it to an end. Then hell on wheels came into this world, my son. He is a good kid but man is he difficult and now that he is 19 and still at home only by the grace of God, everything has changed. You suffer from having good children too. You are not prepared to deal with this. You haven't built a relationship by changing diapers, kissing skinned knees, teaching her to ride a bike, or any of those wonderful thing you did with your natural children. So, Qingqing has not had 16 years of your influence to get used to. This is hard on her too.
I think it is time to change tactics much like I have done with my son. Set parameters and consequences with and through your wife. Then tell Qingqing, here are the parameters and here are the consequences of stepping beyond the parameters. If she knows what the parameters and consequences are and she steps over the boundary who does she have to blame? Herself. Now let me tell you at first she won't see it that way. She will blame you for a while. Then she will adjust. Key issue is that once you go back to the US your wife will need to keep up the parameters and consequences or it will not work.
Last thing, when Mrs. Burk let Qingqing have it with the punishment you should have completely backed her up. If I was in your situation I would go back and apologize and say, "Honey, I'm sorry I should not have questioned you or offered to pay for her flight because you were doing the right thing." Now, Mrs. Burk is getting mixed messages from you. Stand behind her and when you come back you will have a better chance of Qingqing getting it together before your next visit. Man, Mrs. Burk really loves you. She is willing to do what is right with her daughter just to keep you around.
Take a quick look, I think your toes are still there. Hope I didn't step too hard. Just keep in mind this will all work out it just will take patience and time.
Shaun
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I don't have kids of my own, but I know that they can be the most ghastly things on the planet. Like we took my 8 year old niece to the library the other day. She had a horrible tantrum about getting some sticker. Wtf? I mean she has $10,000 worth of toys in her room and all she wants is some bloody sticker :huh:.
In my day she would have had a good spanking from her mother, but that doesn't seem to be the way kids are brought up anymore.
Good luck anyway, this is a great story and I love reading of your latest adventures!
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Jim the girl is spoiled she was just looking to get a rise out of you..She is stressed out about the boyfriend the new father.The school thing.And she is feeling threatend.She is used to being number one.And she not anymore.It is a huge adjustment.
Shaun has got it right about backing your wife's play.United front always in front of the girl.If you have issues with what her mother decides you need to talk to your wife latter.When the kid isn't around.
Don't let her see you get angry when she is acting like that.That is what the kid is looking for.I don't think the girl needs a shrink.You do need to let the girl know that there will be consequinces.When she starts spouting this kind of crap.
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Thanks guys, keep it coming. I need all the info I can get about this.
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JimB,
First of all, don't try and compare your daughter with Qingqing, that's not being fair on her, or yourself. They were brought up under different times, different culture, and different circumstances...
I'll say to you, that both you and your wife have to sit down and seriously discuss rules for Qingqing, rules that you can both agree on and can stick too. Rules that will stay in place after you return to the States.
When rules are broken, then there are consequences, which again, you both have to decide what consequences will apply. Having said that, when she does good, then she should be rewarded in some way too. It's the stick and the carrot thing, been about for years, ...cause it works!!
On that note, ...what you did to your wife by offering to pay her airfare to Wuhan, after your wife had told her absolutly and categorically NO, totally undermined her authority. I hope that Qingqing wasn't around to hear you say that to her mother?? Your not doing Qingqing or yourself any favours for the future.
The Last thing Qingqing needs is a psychiatrist Jim, your dealing with a spoilt teenager whose nose has been put out of joint, by not being 1st,2nd,3rd in mum's world anymore...
I have a pretty good idea that it can't be easy for you especially. ...After all, your from a military background where your used to teenagers jumping when you tell/order them to do something. Well it just ain't like that in the real world/civvy street, instead you just have to bite your tongue and use your smarts on them.
Now, as to your last two statements, Yes you are over reacting to Qingqings words. That's ALL they were, ...just words that sprang to mind and got blurted out. She's sixteen Jim, a naive and a spoiled sixteen at that. Nothing at all was meant by it, in the way that you took it.
Which is another thing that springs to mind, ....don't tease her about the things that you know worry her, or are playing on her mind. That won't help you one jot, in getting things sorted out between you all.
The last statement about you throwing in the towel, ...now come on Jim get real here, don't come out with this crap unless you mean it!! I'm really hoping you haven't been saying things like that to your new wife, because her trust in you as a man will just evaporate.
And whatever you do, NEVER make your wife choose between you and Qinqing, ....you WILL lose!! Not because she doesn't love you enough, but because Qingqing is her flesh and blood, her family, her daughter....
I started replying to your post, before anyone had posted anything, so i'm curious as to what the others you asked have said. I'm hoping pretty much what my thoughts are on your post. Whatever they have to say, think about all of them, i'm pretty sure that between you and your new wife, you'll get past this rocky patch with Qingqing ...There's every chance if you handle her wisely there no reason that later on, you and your wife can be as proud of Qingqing, as you are of your daughter back in the States....
So stay calm Jim, ... For your sake, your wife's sake and for Qingqing.
David....
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This subject has brought in some old memories.
In my day she would have had a good spanking from her mother, but that doesn't seem to be the way kids are brought up anymore.
Brett, not in my world. Three strikes and your out. Both my daughters got smacked on the behind just once. One for thinking she didn't have to listen. The other for misbehaving. When I go to a restaurant I don't like loud, noisy kids running around. So as we were (my buddy with his kid) leaving both our kids started up. Running around the place. Third warning was given. On the forth pass I grabber her and she got her smack. Most of the other parents looked like they were going to cheer? Any wanted to say something I'll smack them too. :icon_biggrin: Oh and my buddies kid that didn't even get yelled at? The kid respects me till today. Not so much for his father.
I never had a problem with my niece, but my nephew? Swung on me one time. I put him to the ground and put my fist to his face (which covered from his eye brow to his chin) and made sure he knew there won't be a next time. He ran inside to tell his mother... she said "good" He's in his thirties now and still won't even raise his voice to me.
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Jim
I got through with 2 daughters somehow....often thought I would go crazy !!
My Dear departed Dad once said to me...(he was military !!)
"They (referering to the kids) have got to learn the consequences of their actions and words. It is your duty as a parent to set and enforce boundaries, both in behaviour and morals and ethics. When you need to discipline them, make sure it is SHARP, SHORT...and forgotten...dont hold grudges)
Ref. your "step daughters" comment about her possible future step sister.......whether or not said in jest, confusion or malice......is way outside any reasonable boundaries.
I would have "barked" very hard and loud at this comment with genuine evil in my voice to let the little b***ch know that she just went way beyong my tolerance.........then get calmly along with the conversation with the "adults" in the room.
However tolerant we all like to be...there HAS to be some limits, there HAS to be some "pecking order" (with you at the top !!!)
DavidE
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Dad,
I don't have any kids but I went through two nephews growing up. All of the above brothers wrote good advices. Like they said, she's only 16 ... a rebel.
Just be firm, send her some love, be firm again ... ( the Sandwich Psychology ) ... but watch your back !!! :icon_cool: Qingqing respect a strong father figure, something she's never had. She may hate you now but she respects you also.
Take care my friend. :fi_lone_ranger:
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Jim i hade the same with my step son he was a right sh t made my and the ex lives hell but i stood my gound with him and let him know when he steped over that line he would not get away with it he,s now 27 years old could not ask for a better son,so you can see jim it do work out but its hard going only thing i will say you got to make sure your wifes on your side when doing this or all hell will break loos mate all the best jim.
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I have never been around any kid, that would even think of saying that. That threw up red flags all over. In my world you never say kill, unless you absolutely without a doubt mean it. So, the first thing i did was shut up and think of the 24 hour rule. I had a place to vent and that was here. I have read all of teh comments and thank you all. First thing is I would never say anything about paying for the flight in front of her. I just talked to my wife about it. I know enough not to undermine her. Secondly is that I am so frustrated with my wife about this kid. I try to talk to her about it and she just says, i know she is spoiled. Anytime I talk about discipline for her my wife says she has never done that. I tell her that is why she is like she is. I do not want to go around the next few years having to watch my back because of this kid. That is why I talked about throwing in the towel. This is because of kid not some enemy. I seriously considered it for about an hour last night. Then I decided i wasnt going to let some kid beat me. I took this on and I live up to my word. So this morning I sat Qingqing down and gave her these options: 1. I never want to hear anything like that come out of her mouth again. If I do, there will be serious ramifications. I am not your father, you have one but I have taken on the task of helping you by the act of marrying your mother. I want this to be our home for all of us, if you do not want to follow my rules then you do not have to live here. You can stay at school all of the time or go and try to live with your father. I want you here but i will not put up with any more crap like what happened at the restaurant, or in my drink, (at that she blanched and got red faced). I said yes, i know about it. You are a beautiful 16 year old girl and you will act like it, not like some 5 year old. Those are my rules. I will help you with anything in my power to. I want to be your friend but that is not necessary if you do not want it to be. But you will treat me as a person not an enemy. I am going out for breakfast and will be back in a couple of hours. it is completely your decision. At that i got up and walked out. I figured this should settle it, not completely, but she now knows how I feel. I got tired of biting my tongue and walking on eggs, that is not me nor my style. Either Mama goes along or she doesnt. If not I want to know now. After about a half hour my phone rang and it was my wife asking me to come home.
When I got there they were both red eyed from crying. I steeled myself for the worst. I figured i could get a hotel room for the night and move my filght up a couple of weeks. First my wife apologized for putting me through what was very bad for me. (I will not go into details about her. just to say she backed me.) then it was Qingqings turn. She said she was sorry that she had done this. But that she had never had to share her mother and yada yada yada. Anyway after about an hour of this, we decided to give it another try. So then we decided to go out to the supermarket. Anyway while out she took me into a mens store and tried to buy me a couple of shirts and things. Of course they had nothing that would fit me. But I thanked her and hugged her for the thought. On the way back, she grabbed my hand with my wife on the other side. She smiled and said we are a family. So we will see. I still do not 100% trust her because she is 16. We will see.
Thanks for the info guys, it helped me make up my mind on what to do. it was my own way but I had to be true to myself. I have already heard from my brother in law, translating through my wife he said he was glad I did what I did.
Michael, tell Zhou that her namesake is practicing speaking and writing English every night so when I go back she can e mail me and her new cousin in the USA. She is such a great kid.
My wife said we needed to stay at home for the next few days, she is worried about trouble, not with me just in general. Of course with her job she needs to go to work. And I want to tell you, I found out how much she makes as a surgical nurse with over 20 years experience, she is also the training nurse. She gets the equivalent of $75.00 for a minimum of 40 hours a week. Plus a housing subsidy, where she pays 200 yuan a month for her place in the dorm. So if you look at the total it would be about 4000 yuan a month or about $588 usd. But she only gets the $75.00 if she does not live in the dorm she gets nothing. Is that not horrible?
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Wow, not great wages. I don't know how much my lady earns but she has been pulling 12 hour days this week. Her boss will buy the team moon cakes, but I don't think that is much of a bonus for having no life basically :huh:.
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And 4000 is pretty good in China already! A factory worker will make 1500-2500, a limo driver in Shanghai about 3000 with crazy hours, an office worker around 3 or 4000, and in smaller towns this drops rapidly.
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JimB,
I'm happy to hear that you now have things in thier place with Qingqing, I'm also happy your watching your back, I hope Qingqing can live with your rulers, it looks like she wants to.
Hahaha, Zhou says " of course she is a good kid, her name same as mine ", Jim, Zhou is a teacher hear and she also told me to say, she is proud of Zhou zhou for learning so well and that her mother must also be very proud.
WOW, thats not a lot for here but, I understand that is good money for China, my question is this, how will she work here, I mean, she will have to certify here in order to do the same job here and that will mean going back to school won't it?
Good luck Jim and Mrs. Burk
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Jim,
It is a great move in the right direction. Let's hope Qingqing is beginning to learn her lesson. I know this has been and is hard for you and Mrs. Burk but if the two of you work your way through this you will have a very strong marriage.
Good luck to all three of you.
Shaun
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Mr and Mrs Burk.....Children will always do things like this whenever they DON'T get their own way. :s
Having brought up 4 children through teenage years, 'the Spoilt Brat' syndrome kicks in every so often....:icon_biggrin:
Jim what you done I believe was the correct course of action, telling her exactly how you saw things, and then leaving her to consume and digest WHAT was said. Peace will be with you for a while...BUT please be aware that the spoilt brat will rear its ugly head again... She may not mean to do it, but it will surface...The thing you have to remember Jim is that this is when the hormones are floating everywhere in Qingqing:blush::huh:
Good luck to both of you with this...:icon_biggrin:
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Mr and Mrs Burk.....Children will always do things like this whenever they DON'T get their own way. :s
Having brought up 4 children through teenage years, 'the Spoilt Brat' syndrome kicks in every so often....:icon_biggrin:
Jim what you done I believe was the correct course of action, telling her exactly how you saw things, and then leaving her to consume and digest WHAT was said. Peace will be with you for a while...BUT please be aware that the spoilt brat will rear its ugly head again... She may not mean to do it, but it will surface...The thing you have to remember Jim is that this is when the hormones are floating everywhere in Qingqing:blush::huh:
Good luck to both of you with this...:icon_biggrin:
Rob,
WHAT are you trying to SAY? :angel: :icon_arrowl: :icon_arrow: :icon_eek: You say they come back for more? :icon_cheesygrin:
I'll be waiting!!!!! :dodgy:
Shaun
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The one thing I got from this was to be true to myself and not go pussyfooting around. Of course the 24 hour rule was the way to go. I got myself calmed down and was able to get some input from the best in the business. But, I was not acting like myself. I was not acting like the man of the house. I was acting like a wife who was scared to go against her husband even though she knew he was wrong. Screw that. Of course I will watch my back. But at least until I leave peace may be in the house. My wife is acting like she liked it anyway. I think I got new respect from Qingqing. Kids are happier when they know their limits, they may not like them but at least they know them. I also had told her no Wuhan unless both her mama and I agreed she could go. I really expect at some point she will test me. Then she will learn that I mean what I say.
I said she made 4000 but she does not get the 4000, she only gets $75 per week. which is only $300 a month in USD. or 2000 yuan a month. the other is just a subsidy when she stays in the dorm. Plus she has to pay 200 yuan of her paycheck. Yes, she is going to have to re certify. It will not be easy, but her English is improving everyday and fortunately, the medical terms she learned in college were based in Latin so she will have a head start there.
This afternoon we played riddles. Now that was fun. Trying to get it translated into English or Chinese properly then trying to figure out the answers. we had more fun doing the translations than the riddles. Qingqing had fun stumping me.
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Jim,
Well you seem to have sorted it out in your own way, which is good, there are many ways of tameing the animal... lol!! But it still needs mamma to keep to those rules that have been laid down to her...
She's probably a good kid under all that front that she put's up, now she has a chance of showing that.. Sure she's going to test both of you from time to time, that's what growing up is all about, we all did that.... So long as the rules are there and in place, she'll find out very quickly she will only be hurting herself and no-one else..
Let the Smarts of the oldies rule Jim, cause they always forget, we've already been there, done that, got the t shirt, seen the video, and got the DVD!! ...hahaha!!
David.....
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David, I really appreciate all of the input. Truly. It helped me make up my mind for me. A little here and a little there. You know? but in the end it is your own decision you have to be the one to live with it, right or wrong. This is the greatest sounding board with a vast knowledge of the condition we are in. You should not go wrong listening to the men here. I have said it before, I would hope that all of the men going through what we are doing could have the opportunity to read the info here. Their lives would be much easier. But, you have to be able to take it and not be a know it all. Because all of us, every single man here can use the help at one time or another. And there is not one man here that says anything to be mean or a put down. They are just trying to help. The ones who come here and do that do not last long as we have seen. Thanks again to everyone here. You are my brothas. There is more support here than at any other web site that i have been associated with in my life.
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Greetings Brothers,
Jim, congratulations on finally getting things cleared up. It took a lot of guts and strong nerves to do what you did so my respects to you for doing it. At least now as you say you are the head of the family and all concerned know it.
As the other guys have said there will be testing and bad episodes in the future, but with both you and the missus on the same page it should get easier as time goes on. Also once you bring them to your country then your little darling daughter is gonna really need your support and help as she will be far removed from all she knows. That is when things will really gel for your three.
I am about to be in your situation to a degree myself. Zhen has a 15 year old son so when Zhen and I marry things will be similar. However so far I have seen no issues from RuiChen (the son) he seems very supportive and we get along fine so I am watching your progress with great interest and hoping everything moves forward for you and the family from now on.
Best wishes Jim and our hopes for a great future togehter,
Zhen and Brian
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Jim, I commend you on this principal decision. I know that that boys/girls comparisons are not always accurate but take of this what you will. My sister had 3 boys and the father was the "Step Father" her youngest was the poster child for "The Strong Willed Child" this kid absolutely wore their ass's out growing up (He got his ass wore out also). His mother had spoiled him rotten and created a greedy, selfish, demanding, and disruptive kid. This kid had to have everything and get his way or he would start World War III, when the step father would try to discipline the kid, he played sides against him because he was a master manipulator and very intelligent. Mom often ran to his defense and tensions grew between mom and dad over this.
they laid down the ground rules and would get a model child for about 1-2 days then it was on again. This kid was "All Go and No Quit" he would let a little peace be established and just like Scottish_Rob said...as soon as he wanted his way you could sell tickets to watch the chaos that ensued. The praised him, rewarded good behavior, grounded him, took him out back behind the shed, talked to him, etc. Once he started driving OMG......the wrecks, the speeding tickets, the girlfriends, it was a 3 ring circus.
Smart kid....Straight A student on the honor roll. but tell this kid "No" and you had better pack a lunch.
Finally, it boiled down to an "Iron Clad Set of Rules" and "Defined Boundaries" you are welcome in this house, we love you, and we support you. But, if you choose to disrespect either of us, or can't abide by some simple rules....then there's the F@*!'ing door.
You're on the other side of the world......Qingqing is a pretty girl with a boyfriend in Wuhan...she's likely not done. She's already demonstrated a willingness to make Big Adult Decisions Without Anyone's Input. Going to Wuhan by herself without permission! Informing School officials she'll be taking time off for special circumstances! As soon as she feels her comfort zone slipping away she's going to rebel at that..and you. I'm sure you've considered scenarios of: Her doing something major and disruptive forcing Mrs. Burk to stay, Running away to make everyone look for her, or possibly getting pregnant.
Make sure any plane tickets are fully refundable....I wouldn't put anything past this girl. Her Achilles Heel seems to be money, so at least thats something to work with.
Sorry, just rambling on.
Update.....my Sisters strong willed youngest child received a real Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu Black Belt after nearly a decade now of hard work. He has his own martial arts school and about 40 students, he teaches discipline and respect to these kids. He's a fine young man.
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Jim, you did it perfectly. You let her know it's NOT going to continue, that you knew what she did (drink) and what her options are (as a young adult).
You stood your ground and she will respect you for it. She may test you once in a while? But I think you have it nailed.
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You did good Sarge.Better then I probably would of done in the same situation.Just remember to keep on her.To keep her inline.
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Thank you all for the support. I know it is not done. She will test me and her mother. But, as I said, I remained true to myself and my beliefs. I think I even respect myself more at this point. I had no idea what would happen when I walked back in that door. Fortunately so far it worked. We have a long way to go, but peace is in the house now and she is acting like a model child at this point. She even asked if it was alright if she stayed home with us until i leave. I seemed to take a long time thinking about it and she looked worried, (I was just looking to see what she would do.) so I said sure, we want you with us as a family to do things together, besides it will give you and I more time together. This evening while Mama was at English class, she and i took a walk and discussed things as best we could and even kidded each other. It felt good. She can be a sweet kid when she wants to be. I told her I would treat her as an adult as long as she acted like one. She smiled and said ok, I will do the same. I cracked up. and said ok it is a deal. I will enjoy the time she is good and try not to over react when she is bad. Even Mama seemed happier tonight. Well we are back on track for the time being. Thanks again brothas.
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Lol, she's a brat but a witty brat ^_^
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Jim,
Don't mention it, please. I can give bad advice anytime. :icon_cheesygrin:
Hope all works out well.
Shaun
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Hey Jim, Buzz here from Greensboro, will be going to Beijing end of November. We are of the same age, similar background, so if you want I can stop by the step-daughter and remind her that she is the daughter and help remind her of her place in the family. On a serious note, I know my lady would be interested in meeting your wife and discussing the good, bad and ugly of cross-culture relationship. I am a nurse here in the states and my lady is a retired physican. I would invite Willy but I don't need the older guys hanging around.
By the way congratulations on the twins. My oldest daughter is expecting her first child in march. Do have grandsons in San Diego.
I admire you in how you have adapted with all the changes during this trip. You have shown us all that success is possible only by remaining true to your core beliefs.
Thanks,
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Thanks, Buzz. I asked my wife and she said she would gladly meet with you two. So just let us know when and we can make arrangements.
I havent posted anything in a few days because it has been kind of dull. But yesterday seemed a bit more exciting. First off to start the day we decided to go to the olympic village. Interesting but if you need to miss anything while visiting here, this would be one of those places to pass by. There was still a very large crowd there. We took a Golf Cart stretch for the tour. I have a few pics of it and will post. There is also a carnival next to it. So of course my step daughter had to go there. I like the big rides myself. Sort of expensive for here. But she bought her own first batch of tickets and even got me into the bumper cars with her. She was a good sport. I admit I took a bit of aggression out on it. slammed her pretty good then let her get me back so she was happy. The nwe hit the con games. While she bought the tickets she asked me to play the games. I really did not want to do it knowing if I missed it would be over for the day. However, I was on my game. Got her three big stuffed animals out of 4 games, so she was delighted. I was relieved. I really hate i have to be this way with her, worrying about how she will react to anything wrong. Oh well, just a few more days and I will get a break.
Now we head for dinner downtown to the best Peking Duck I have ever had. I talked about he place in the other thread so dont need to go into it here except to say a great meal.
I have been taking taxi's 99% of the time here. it is pretty cheap and quick. There drivers always cut people off, swing around traffic go down one way the wrong way, skip traffic lights you name it. They use their horn just to warn people that they are coming, not in anger as we do. I still have a difficult time with them. I constantly wince and hold on tight and have yet to get into an accident with them. Miraculously . well today the driver cut a man off in a big Toyota. It actually pissed the man off as he cut around us started yelling out his window at me. I was in the front passenger seat. I put my head back against the head rest so he could actually yell at the driver, but he kept looking at me. He gave ME the bird. Now I started laughing. That was the wrong thing to do. He actually came right at us to try and hit us, our driver slipped away and got in front. Now her was pissed so he kept the guy behind us, every time the man tried to get around the driver got in his way. The guy was using his horn like crazy, his head out the window and was really in a road rage. Frankly I am really surprised this doesnt happen all of the time here. Anyway the guy finally gets beside us. In the back seat was Granny, she must have been at least 100, she rolls down her window and flips me the bird. ME. I pointed at my driver. My driver didnt even look, he just kept driving cutting the man off again. Now I was starting to get a little nervous. I have my wife, step daughter and her best friend in the car at at the rate this guy was going he really might cause a nasty accident. I had not said anything to anyone in the back seat because I did not want them to worry. the idiot is behind us, my driver just slammed on his brakes, then takes off again. I tell him to cool it for the obvious reasons. Now my wife asks what is going on. i tell her and she starts yelling at the driver. He just ignores everyone. I am looking back and this guy you can tell is about to have a heart attack he is yelling and screaming so much. But at least he is keeping a little distance between us. We are in the heart of downtown Beijing, traffic is bottled up and we have to stop. Now I see this guy getting out of his car. My driver sees it to and slides around two cars, I really do not know how he made it. I look back and see the guy jump into his car. now his car is a lot bigger than the VW. he doesnt make it, he hits two cars. he still tries to go through but the drivers of the two cars get out and block his way. The last I see of him he is screaming at the guys that he hit and pointing at us. Now all of this time, my driver never lost his cool or even made any kind of expression that he was concerned in any way. He got us to our destination without any kind of expression. I got out, paid him making note of his taxi number, knowing I will never get in his cab again. To him I guess just another day at work. I wonder what happened to the guy in the other car. I can laugh at it now but at the time I thought I was going to have to defend myself against a 100 year old woman. lmao.
After dinner we went to Tiannemon Square. There was still about 100,000 people there. All of the floats were still there. A pretty awesome sight. I am putting some pics up in a little bit on my photobucket sight. Last night Qingqing decided I was her favorite person again. So most of the night she and I walked arm in arm and hand in hand around the square while my wife and her best friend walked behind us. Quite honestly I felt uncomfortable as I really wanted to be there with my wife. But anything to keep the peace and build up my image with Qingqing. Later my wife asked me if I saw the two policeman following us around. I told her no, but I was not really looking. She said they saw Qingqing and I together started pointing and laughing saying I must be a really rich American to have such a young beautiful girlfriend. They followed us around to make sure nothing happened to me. My wife overheard them. She started laughing but let them follow us to be on the safe side. I knew we were getting looks but I get a lot of stares here so by now I pretty much ignore them.
Sometimes I want to wring this kids neck and other times she can be the sweetest kid you ever want to meet. She went out tonight and bought me a shirt, just because she wanted to. it was with her own money even. Then she bought me a chocolate eclaire. She said she wanted me to go home as big as I came here because she did not want anyone to think her mother mistreated me. LOL. Then we are sitting on the couch, she halfway finished her desert, then handed it to me and told me to put it away. NOt asked but told me to. Of course I told her no, she got it out out so she could put it away. Then she handed it to Mama and told her to. I again said no. She threw it down on table. I told her she needed to pick it up and put it away. Of course she said no. So i picked it up and threw it in the trash. She screamed that she wasnt done with it, I told her of course she was. No one here is her servant. So she went into her room and slammed the door. That was just about 20 minutes ago. I am really just trying to pass the time so I can leave in peace but I cannot go back on my word or she would never respect it again. My wife did not say a word. so neither did I. We will see about it tomorrow.
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This is exactly what we mentioned Jim, BLOODY TEENAGE TANTRUMS...now that you dealt with it, ignore it or you/it will fester and get you feeling bad again...:huh:
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Rob, I am done feeling bad about it. Now I am just going to deal with it. She came out a few minutes ago. We are in our bedroom with the door closed. She knocked on the door and said good night. I opened it and gave her a kiss on the forehead. then closed the door.
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Wow, the angelic Qingqing :angel:. Teenagers are a nightmare though, I got the schoolbus home on Friday night and it was full of nightmare kids sprouting all kinds of rubbish. I thought an Asian kid would have better manners though. I remember being in a train full of Japanese schoolgirls (that's a journey I'm never going to forget :blush:), and they were so well behaved it was incredible.
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Jim,
It working other wise she would have never came out and said goodnight. You are doing the right thing and Mrs. Burk is supporting you.
Shaun
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then closed the door.
"Oh no one knows what goes on behind closed doors" :icon_cheesygrin: care of Charlie Rich
Best wishes with the rest of your trip.
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Ah ... the exciting Family Life . Every Parent's dream " The Teenager " . Haha
I admire your handeling of it all Jim . Good Man and a good Father figure is most important . Qingqing has both in you . Maybe she needs some good glasses to see it ?:icon_cool:
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Thank you all for your support. i never had this trouble with my daughter. Of course we had her whole life together. One minute i want to hug her and the next want to wring her neck. We have a little game, when the elevator door closes and we are the only ones in it, I reach over and hug and kiss my wife. Qingqing started to kiss her mother also. I started to reach over and kiss her cheek but she would pull away. I kept it up. tonight she actually came over to me when the door closed and put her arms around me and hugged me tight and kissed me on the cheek. I hugged her back and picked her up making a little game of it. So she would not feel self conscious. Either she is really coming around or she is setting me up for something big. The only other thing I can think of is that her birthday is coming up next month so she wants a big present. that is probably the case. She told her mother the other day that she wants a diamond ring for her birthday. At least a 1/2 carat. Mama said no.
Anyway thanks for all of the support.
Now lets all support Michael and Zhou and the kids. For those who do not know, go to missing members.
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Well, I am home. Have been since Thursday. Spent the first two days trying to get myself in a proper sleeping pattern again. Then went to my daughters in Savannah. To hug them and spend time.
Now I am back home and while I am really glad to be here. I miss my wife something terrible. Even more than before. She is having the same problem. Not being able to sleep at night without me there. It seems so unfair that our system is such that we have to be separated for this long a time. I am planning on going back in February but that does not alleviate the misery now. Many of you all know what I mean. This is your wife, not just some person.
Anyway, I came back to a real mess. The power company screwed up and turned off my power for two days. Everything in the freezer thawed. Half a cow, smelling up the place like you cannot believe. Secondly, the cable company did not turn off the system like they said they would and sent me a bill for three months for over $400.00. Luckily, I wrote down the mans name I called and they have since corrected the bill, but I did not have any cable or internet until they did. Thirdly my cell phone was turned off, because my son did not pay the bill like he was supposed to and fourth, my son has now moved back in having lost his place due to lack of work.
That will teach me to go away for that length of time.
I need a few more days to put everything in perspective to tell what I learned from this trip. I also need to try and get over some of this feeling of loss now that she is not with me. I am not ready to jump on a plane and go back, I want her here.
Thanks for all of the support while I was there. I meant/means a lot. Although we may have been taken in by someone, I hope we do not lose the trust and faith we have with this site.
Jim
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Welcome back Jim. Sorry you came back to a little chaos. Things will settle down soon.
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Welcome back. You just got back in time for a couple of days of heat. But is is cooling off tonight.
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Welcome back Jim . Looks like your Return was equally exciting as mine was . No matter how many times you call People and tell them your going to be gone , they alway's make mistakes and not do what you want them to do . It's like you talk to the Phone with nobody on the other end . I've have also learned to ask for Names like you did ... because of all this . Like my $230 + 12 min. phone call to my Wife . I tell you , how many are NOT doing their Job .
Anyway Jim , get your Rest :sleepy: and take one thing at a time and spend some time with your Family at Home and then get on the PC and start talking to your sweet Wife ... as four month's will go by quickly . Us married ones did it , some are still doing it ( seven month's even ) you will get passed it too . :-/
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Thanks Arnold, Shaun, Vince. I finally got things straightened out "mostly". LOL. Spent the week end with my family in Savannah. I talk with my wife twice a day on QQ. You know it seems I miss her more now than before. I got used to waking up beside her. Holding her and just being together. I love my own bed. I never quite got used to the hard rock we slept on there. I love being able to just get in the car and go where I want to without having to make sure I can talk to someone or have her on the phone to tell the driver where i need to go. I feel independent again.
That was probably my biggest problem there. I did not feel independent and I needed my wife to handle any problems that arose. It made me feel impotent to handle things. As some of you might know this feeling, I think that is what made me want to come home even more. Like when the water ran out, we had to use this credit card type to turn the water back on. Now we had about 4 of these things and I did not know which was which so I had to wait for her to be able to get water. Things like that. At least the problems here I can handle and get them straightened out without anyone else.
I need a couple days more of rest and then can start planning my return and look forward again, not backward.
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I needed my wife to handle any problems that arose. It made me feel impotent to handle things.
A problem Arose?.....You took the blue pill....right? :icon_cheesygrin: So what was the problem?
Thanks for sharing you story with us. The UPs and the Downs :icon_cheesygrin:
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Jim, I'm very independent also so with those things I think I might feel the same way. So I understand where your coming from.
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Jim , that is exactly the point of WHY you wanted to come Home ( your Home ) . This is a lesson you have learned now ... how She will feel when She arrives in America to be with you . She will be lost and very much dependent on you , for most everything . The good part is ... your Retired and have the time to be with Her through this . Both of you are lucky because of this and avoid many heartaches and yes headaches .
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Jimb good job really a good read.What a trip.With all the ups and downs.But you survived.And have a much better Idea how this is going to work.I wish you both the best.
Maxx
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Hello everyone. I am new here and this is my very first post. I will post an introduction in the general board or if I find a topic that is more suited for new members postings of introductions I will go there to do it. (or if there isn't maybe put one up.)
I just finished reading this thread last night. I must say it was a very entertaining, and educational read. I'd like to say Congratulations to Jim and his wife on their new marriage. I wish you both a long and happy life together. I did have three things I wanted to comment on as I read through the postings.
First I am impressed at the sense of Brotherhood here. It is very obvious that everyone here truly is interested in seeing the others find success, I find that very encouraging. The advice you all (or is it y'all?) gave Jim in his journey and dealings with the bumps he encountered was very solid and well grounded.
I had to laugh at Jim's story about trying to have Gina understand the meaning of y'all and how even to people who speak native English it can be a challenge some times to understand each other. I thought of the scene in the movie "My Cousin Vinnie" where Vinne the lawyer from New York, with a very thick Brooklyn accent was questioning a witness in a trial in an Alabama court room. Vinnie was asking about the two young people who the witness saw leaving an establishment:
Vinnie: "So when you saw the two yoots..."
Judge: (Interrupting) "Two What?!"
Vinnie: "Two yoots!"
Judge: "What is a 'YOOT'"?
The last thing is about children and politics. I was thinking the other week, before I found this posting that China has a very ancient and rich culture, one that has outlasted many different political systems and leadership styles. I think that is what draws up so these ladies, the fact that they come from a society that has very deep roots and they are not easily swayed from their heritage.
In many things I've read on these and other boards I haven't seen anyone address China's "Single child Policy." I've heard it discussed on conservative radio talk shows, but no real discussion about it. I am wondering if maybe that is part of why some of these Chinese ladies want to find a Western man. I sense many of them feel that being divorced that the Chinese men view them as "damaged goods" while Western men are much more accepting of their status. So they can find a man who is openly romantic, often willing to have more children (I know not all are), and open minded to the point where they don't judge the ladies for their previously failed marriage.
I look forward to getting to know the members of this board as time goes forward. Now I think I'll go find where I can write that introduction.
David
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David S, welcome to this brotherhood...
I want to say that this was a very good p[ost, well done mate.
Looking forward to reading your introduction..:icon_biggrin:
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In many things I've read on these and other boards I haven't seen anyone address China's "Single child Policy." I've heard it discussed on conservative radio talk shows, but no real discussion about it. I am wondering if maybe that is part of why some of these Chinese ladies want to find a Western man. I sense many of them feel that being divorced that the Chinese men view them as "damaged goods" while Western men are much more accepting of their status. So they can find a man who is openly romantic, often willing to have more children (I know not all are), and open minded to the point where they don't judge the ladies for their previously failed marriage.
David
Hi David...welcome aboard !!! Although there is getting to be a whole bunch of Davids here..could get confusing :icon_cheesygrin:
The one child policy may well be the catalyst for the large number of Chinese Women looking to find a Western Husband.
In their "male-centric" culture, having a daughter is almost a waste of time...sons are required by Father and Family. So Woman who has a daughter is a likely candidate for a divorce...sad but true.
As this Woman can have no more chilkdren, she is unlikely ever to have a chance at another marriage...that is why so many Women on CHNLove are in the 30 to 45 age group, with one child, usually a girl.
In many instances we find that if the Woman had a son, and then divorced, it is likely that the Son lives with his Father.
So it is not difficult to see that a Western Man offers a viable alternative to them...we are not so focussed on male children, we dont regard a divorcee as "damaged goods"...and we are all handsome,rich and prosperous like Brad Pitt (hahaha)
Good luck and good hunting
DavidE
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SO David.... What do you mean I'm funny? what do you mean, you mean the way I talk? What?
Funny how? What's funny about it? He's a big boy, he knows what he said. What did ya say? Funny how?
You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little ****ed up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown,
I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to ****in' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?
You said I'm funny. How the **** am I funny, what the **** is so funny about me? Tell me, tell me what's funny!
I think I had him?? Was he shaking? That's from Goodfellars :icon_biggrin:
Welcome to the forum.
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word for word Vinny!
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That's from Goodfellars :icon_biggrin:
I recognized the quite right off. That's an awesome movie. I do enjoy the gangster movies. Goodfellas and Casino are two of my favorites.
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Vince I think David thinks your funny:huh::icon_biggrin::icon_biggrin:
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Vince I think David thinks your funny:huh::icon_biggrin::icon_biggrin:
Rob and Vince, a lot of people tell me I'm funny. I usually tell them that they should not just judge me on my looks. :icon_cheesygrin:
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ROFLMAO....
But Vince is FUNNY....You have to admit this....lol:icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
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My Cousin Vinny , you bet he is funny . A darn good Lawyer too . To bad he does not do Immagration Law .:-/
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After being home a week and things finally settling down. I have some perspective on this trip. I am very glad I spent the time I did there. I learned a number of things about the country the people and myself. 1. I love my wife more than any other woman i have been involved with, even my ex wife of 30 years. 2. I found out what she will be going through and now can better help her adjust to life here. I think that was the second greatest lesson i learned. 3. I always thought I could live anywhere. Well, I can, but I would not be happy. I am most comfortable in my own country. No matter how good the people are. It is not home. 4. i do not like being a "kept" man. She actually meant it when she said she would go to work, come home, cook, clean and take care of me and all I had to do was my "Husbandly" duties. While it was great the first couple of weeks, after that I got feeling guilty. Even though she kept telling me she would do it. I started cooking lunch for her. 5. She has a great knack of being in control while still letting me think I am the boss. The other married guys know what I am talking about. 6. I do not like to not be able to take care of a problem that comes up, like water or internet or any other such mundane thing where all it takes is knowing the language to solve. 7. I hate being totally reliant on someone no matter who it is. 8. In any situation you must be true to yourself or else it doesnt work long term. 9. Spoiled teenagers can drive you out of your mind if you let it. 10. Just because a man asks you if you want a cigarette and makes a grab for your purse it doesnt mean he is a gay criminal.
There are more things I learned but that is enough for now.
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Informative Jim, thanks for the insights...:icon_biggrin:
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Number 10 Jim, yes, an important lesson :)
Visiting China seems to make us think outside the box, simply because everything is so different here we put out normal lives back home in perspective.
It's life changing for us even that haven't met a wonderful lady like Mrs Burk yet, but keep looking because people like you remind us why we started out on this road in the first place.
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Amen to number 5 brother! :-/
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I also have to go with number 5 , and she does a wonderful Job at it . Maybe not the Boos ... but I'm still her " Super Hero " . :icon_cheesygrin:
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Just an update. As most of you know my step daughter is a model. She was just chosen as one of only 3 models in China to be invited to attend the international models competition. Really quite an honor. The competition is next week end. She said all of the competitors speak English except her. So now she is learning that she had really better start learning English. To start this off she was on Chinese TV and won the competition. That is how she was chosen.
My sister and niece are opening an Art and Gift shop in town. I told my wife and she got very excited about it. She had wanted to open a shop here so she is heading out to Sichuan (?), where all of the silk is made. She is determined to get a manufacturer to ship direct here with scarves, ties, nightgowns, etc. I have never seen her this excited about anything except for our wedding and my decision on the baby. We see each other twice every day. While it is great it also makes it harder to be apart. I think I am the luckiest man here. The agency lied about almost everything, falling in love despite them, getting a wife like mine is the greatest experience in my life except the birth of my children. Speaking of which, she has finally worn me down, I have decided to, for real, get the reversal of my vasectomy and try to have a baby with her. I know all of the reasons not to. I meant so much that when I told her she started crying. This is a very strong woman. So for her to cry is a very big deal. She told me even when she told her mother this, her mother started crying.That is how much this means to her family. They all want a boy of course as all of the family had girls. I told her it is a long shot to work, but she said we will try very hard. Well that is ok with me. The only person I have told here is my sister. She backs it, of course she always backs me. No way am I telling my kids unless it does happen. Anyway that is the latest goings on.
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Fantastic news Jim, great to hear the updates to this story.
Sounds like your China story is still in the first few chapters of an epic novel :D
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Wow, a good update Jim. I don't know about the gift store idea though. I reckon they need to open a colored toilet tissue shop. "Here only white" as my lady says, and she was astonished by the blue toilet roll I had taken to China with me!
So next time I visit my lady, you know what I'm going to take ha ha ha.
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Wow, a good update Jim. I don't know about the gift store idea though. I reckon they need to open a colored toilet tissue shop. "Here only white" as my lady says, and she was astonished by the blue toilet roll I had taken to China with me!
So next time I visit my lady, you know what I'm going to take ha ha ha.
brett bring some quilted coloured toilet roll and really blow their mind!!
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I am going to get the toilet paper with the embossed puppies on it :icon_cheesygrin:.
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I meant that the gift store is here in Georgia. Not in China. I would not want to do such a thing there. Not worth the investment or the work involved in that business.
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I don't know what I find more disturbing...the fact that coloured toilet paper has been introduced here or the fact that there it is taking over the thread...
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I don't know what I find more disturbing...the fact that coloured toilet paper has been introduced here or the fact that there it is taking over the thread...
And also if it is brown coloured toilet paper...how would you know if you hit the mark
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I don't know what I find more disturbing...the fact that coloured toilet paper has been introduced here or the fact that there it is taking over the thread...
And also if it is brown coloured toilet paper...how would you know if you hit the mark
Rhonald ... You put it up to your nose ... hahahahaha :icon_cool:
Or ... when you change your briefs, you see brown tracks ... that's why I wear boxers. :fi_lone_ranger:
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Rhonald ... You put it up to your nose ... hahahahaha :icon_cool:
Chong you brown noser
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If you saw how happy my lady was about me bringing a roll of blue toilet paper to China then you would understand :icon_cheesygrin:.
So that is brett's coloured toilet paper rule... forget about posh gifts from Fortnum & Mason, you are guaranteed to woo your lady with a roll of coloured toilet paper :heart:.
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Just an update on Qingqing. She did not win the International modeling competition, her best friend did. So she is happy and sad at the same time. Good experience for her, plus now she has a tape of her on TV. So it will help to show to potential clients. It was on live TV last night. My wife is still trying to get all her paperwork together, it is very difficult because most of it has to come from Wuhan.
My son in law leaves on the 14th for Afghanistan. I actually said I wanted to go with him until I picked up his flak jacket. The thing weighs 50 pounds without anything in it. Load it up and it weights over 100 lbs. The reason I wanted to go is because it would put me that much closer to my wife.
We still talk on QQ twice a day. They have finally turned on the heat in Beijing. She has had to wear 3 layers of clothes and an overcoat to bed. it is all about gas. They normally do not release any until November 15th, but it has been so cold they decided to release it earlier this year. I tried to talk her into getting an electric blanket. I told her i would send her one, but she said no, she does not like them. She said so many people are sick with colds and flu that she is required to wear a mask each day at work. I understand and agree with some of the policies that China has about energy conservation but this one is ridiculous. Even the hospital did not have heat until the big snow. She said she is used to it. She has been doing it for 42 years. I told her it will be the last year.
I wasnt going to say anything about this but when my lawyer told me it couldnt help, I will tell others so they know. I have a US Congressman that told me he would do anything he could to help. (He is my brother in laws friend and he owes him big time). I talked to my lawyer and she said that he could not do one thing to help unless there is a hangup some where. he cannot get things moved up or help in any other way. There is no politics played in this. I am sure if he was on the homeland security committee it might be different.
I havent looked for a part time job yet. I am going to wait until I get to Savannah. Being retired is ok. I get up in the morning when I want to. If it is a nice day, I hop on the bike and go for a ride while I still can. But am getting a bit bored. It was fine when I was with my wife but here all I have to do is think about her and how much I miss her. I would go back in a heartbeat if it wasnt for Bobby leaving and my daughter being pregnant and lack of extra money lol. That is it for now.
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Polititcans will do ANYTHING for money or votes, but they are mostly full of hot air....shades of the godfather..he owes him bigtime....
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Thanks Jim for the up-date . I hope your Son in-law will stay safe for your Daugther's sake and your's .
Jim, why not start building a Model Sailship , with same nice Music ( instumental ) that use to get me passed boredom real fast . It also teaches Patience and requires all of your concentration . As long you wont forget your Wife's name .:icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
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Nice update Jim, regarding the cold, when I landed in Beijing on Thursday it had warmed up a lot, there was still some snow in the shade but i think it was melting fast. It was actually sunny..yes blue sky over Beijing!!, and no wind so hopefully the real cold is gone for the moment there.
Maybe Arnold has the right idea, become a ship builder to pass the time lol. She isn't going anywhere, she will be waiting for your return no matter how long it takes. Its a waiting game for everyone this crazy Chinese adventure we are all in together. Best regards.
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And you could always call the model ship, you lao Po's name...:icon_biggrin:
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Thanks but I do not have the patience for that. Or the talent.
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Jim,
I also want to thank you for sharing with us during your extended time in China, and also your thoughts now after returning...not many guys would be willing to share all the details you have, the good, bad, and the ugly (even from your "beautiful" new step-daughter, who may be the emotional roller-coaster ride of your life!).
I am now communicating with a woman from Beijing daily through QQ, and it is wonderful! I used to read about guys doing this, and was very envious...now I know why...you get to chat with them every day, even though the language barrier is there (she is just learning English, and uses a translation program on her side). She has a young daughter, age 6, so if we do get married I will have the privilege of parenting a teenager girl myself one day... :s
Thanks Jim!
Scott
I hope everything works for you. I just hate being away from her. I have all of these ideas running through my head. Selling everything and going to her. But she says to stay and we will work it out through the normal channels. She knows i would not be totally happy there even though it would be with her. So she is being the level headed one. We have some things in the works and if they pan out, we will be set for life. She says to wait until January when we know what will happen. I do not want to wait. i want to be there.
I took the bike up the mountain today. Took some pics, very beautiful. Wish I could figure out how to get them here. But Scott, the best of luck and if there is anything she or i can do please let me know. She would be willing to talk to your woman if you needed her to.
Jim
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All you need to do is ask brother. It will be done.
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Well as you say Jim, China is not the place for everyone.
For many in China they look to go overseas to find a better life. A life that gives them a better standard of living.
As you know I have done the reverse and I have come to China and I have definately raised my standard of living.
From just about getting by in the UK I have the capabilities of living a middle class life in China. If only I can convince my lady of that.
I have managed to get her to buy only the best meat without heaps of fat attached. But trying to get her to cook chicken legs in one piece is going to be more difficult. That is legs, not feet - she has accepted that feet and heads are banned from our kitchen!
But she is willling to listen and this week we should be getting rid of the solid wood benches and arm chairs in our living room and replacing them with comfy leather ones.
A luxury mosquito net has given the bed a four poster feel and I have not been bitten once side we fitted it even though she though the cheaper version made more economic sense.
Next on the list is to get a car - this is in preference to her choice which is that we both should have the one thing I dread in China - electric driven mopeds. (You do not hear them coming along the footpath just feel the rush of breeze as they go past as close as they can get.) So me me a car is a must - 'thinks I must get the drivers licence first.'
But all in all I am well used to life here and it gets better every day.
As I said China is not every ones cup of tea. For some it is ok for the odd visit, but for me i am now living 'Beyond The Dream In China'
Willy
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Yes Willy it's good to remind the brothers that life in China is hard for the majority of the population. If life in China is so great then why would doctors and other professionals throw away their careers out there to work all hours in a New York restaurant?
My girl is working so hard in her 1000RMB/month slave job that she's making herself physically ill. Which in China is worrying because you don't ever want to get sick and have to visit the cheap hospital of the kind I saw in Wuhan :s. My girl knows she would have a much better standard of living in the UK.
The place is also very noisy, and the pollution in some places is awful. I thought Wuhan was bad (industrial pollution), but in Yichang the air was just as bad (coal power stations & rice stubble burning?).
I'd guess if you had a good job or retirement income then China would be a good place for us Westerners. But I did not find it as cheap as I thought it would be, and I believe I was in one of the provinces with the lowest living costs (and salaries).
I did like the place though, and if I could come up with a way to massively expand my business interests I'd seriously consider moving there.
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I have my retirement and that could have us living well. But for me, more than 2 months is uncomfortable. I want to be home where I can get in the car and go see my daughter and my family. We are a close family. I talk to my sister every day and my mother at least every other day, my daughter every other day, of course my son lives with me now so i see him everyday. i cant do that in China. Plus learning the language is a must if you live there. I dont know how well you are coming along Willy, but for me it was extremely difficult. i learned Vietnamese easily and still remember a lot of it even after 40 years, I know spanish that is easy for my to pick up but something about Chinese is so very difficult.
Willy you are one very brave soul to get a car and drive over there. I would rather downtown Atlanta in rush hour than the expressway in China. I drove downtown Washington DC, downtown New york, LA and Detroit and was never as nervous as I was in Beijing and Xi'an, Wuhan was a bit better but still bad. I have my pilots license and landed in a snow and ice storm in marquette michigan with ice hitting the windshield from the propeller and was never as nervous. I know part of it was that I was in control all those times but still... My wife is getting anxious, she wanted to get a visitors visa to come and stay while we waited for the Marriage Visa but the Lawyer really said it would not be advisable. If for whatever reason she was turned down on her visitors visa it would have a direct effect on the marriage visa. We will not be separated for more than a year no matter what happens. Even if they turn her down, (Which I doubt), then i will go there. I will just stay 3 months at a time then come home for a month or two then go back. I should be able to get a job teaching or rather tutoring there. i would rather tutor so i could set my own times. Plus every 4 months I have to go to the VA and get prescription renewals and let them check me out. This way all of my medication is free. They would just send it to my daughter and she would send it on to me. Like I said, it is not my cup of tea but I will do it if necessary. it seems each day it gets harder and harder to say goodbye on QQ. I have been back a month now and it seems like a year. it really does. When you are engaged or in love with someone it is hard, but after you are married it is even harder. She is your wife your Laopo and you should be together, not separated by some government red tape because they think everyone is a terrorist or a pimp. I can understand doing a background check. but after that it is the government saying they know better on how I live my life than I do. If she were Mexican she would be here in a couple of days. Not one year or so. That is one of the frustrating parts also. Now I am not accusing all hispanics of this. But since they moved in here in Dalton, because of the carpet mills, this has become one of the top 10 drug areas in the country. Hispanics are now 65% of the population here. Like I said I am not accusing all of them. I have a couple of hispanic friends, plus I have done business with them and I have trusted them more than a lot of whites when it comes to renting and paying their bills. They show up every month on time and pay their bills in cash. I know I am ranting but I get frustrated at times like this. Especially after she says she knows i will not let her down. i feel like i am.
I talked to Qingqing this morning and she is doing better about losing the competition. She will be 17 on November 11th. She was more interested in what I got her for her birthday and will it get there on time. Of course it will. She wanted a diamond ring similar to the one I got her mother for our engagement. Of course I didnt get one that expensive but she should like it. I wouldnt normally do it, but this is the first birthday since her mother and I have been married and she has been good the last couple of months. Plus her father usually just gives her a card with 100 RMB in it. Last year Mama got her a Blackberry type of cellphone and cost her about 5000 RMB. Like I said she is spoiled. Mama told her this gift is from the both of us but she didnt buy that one bit. Typical teenager. lol.
Well thats all my rant for now. Thanks for listening. Sometimes you just gotta get it off your chest.
For this stuff, this is the perfect place.
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JimB...I know this is not really the same, :sbut (apart from the last six years) I was always away from home an family for 12 weeks at a time over the Christmas period.:huh: For ten years previous to the last six, I had not spent a Christmas or Christmas day at home because of my work. :@ So I sort of know what you are talking about.
This is the perfect place to rant, and you have the perfect sound boards (us guys) here to listen and help...:angel::angel:
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Jimb,
your right it is hard and tough being apart but you have to go thru the
process. a lot of the immigration slowdown i think is because of all the
illegals coming across the border. so they make it tougher on everyone
else. thats what i was told by 5 immigration officers who are freinds of
my brother who is a correctional officer. 9/11 didnt help either as the wheel
really got a clog in it but im sure she will get there and then you could go back to
china and visit her family together
hope it all works out
Ted
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Ted, that's what they say? but not what they do. People are coming in from many countries. Just some they give a hard time to. China being one. I live in south Florida. They come waltzing in here everyday. No problems, come on in.