China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Newbies Corner => Topic started by: seagull on August 11, 2009, 12:15:53 am
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Hello all,
I have been writing to this lady from Guilin for about 3 weeks now and I thought that things were going well. I wrote every day and she replied every day and the correspondence was good.
I then told her that I would be going away for a few days on holiday and would not be able to write for several days. During my time away I did not log into Chnlove at all. I did not receive any Chnlove correspondence from her or from anyone else (e.g. admirer mails), something that I usually receive quite a lot.
Then yesterday I quickly logged into Chnlove and logged out. I did not write to the lady as I had just come back from my trip and it was late at night and I was tired.
Today I log in and find that I have received several "admirer mails" from other "ladies" and by also a letter from the lady herself.
I know that the agencies can tell when you log in, so it's no coincidence I suddenly start receiving "admirer mails" again after I visited this site for the first time in several days. However, lo and behold I also receive a letter from the "lady".
The letter was short and sweet, wishing me a good trip and hoping that I would write when I return, but she also claimed that she went to see a show and attached some pictures from the show in the letter. I can tell quite clearly that the pictures were not taken by her, in fact one was ripped off from a web site and even had the URL in the image.
Now I am starting to think that I have been writing to some cunning agent this whole time. Just because of the fact that I "coincidentally" receive a letter from "her" after I logged in for the first time in days. And the pictures were clearly fake. Obviously the agent wants me to write back.
Do you think I am being paranoid here? I was enjoying writing to this lady but now I am having second thoughts and think maybe I have been writing to an agent instead of the lady for a good part of this time. Do you think I am being scammed here?
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Oh yeh, sounds like what happened to me with my (supposed) girlfriend, who suddenly quit writing around the olympics time, and said she had to help out her boss at the olympics, and I never heard from her agian.
I think if your getting phoney pictures from her, your probably having an affair with a translator. I would ask maxx and some of the other pro's from dover about this. They really know a lot about this subject!
My advice for what its worth is pick another woman from a different agency that has a good reputation, and see what happens...good luck
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Paranoid? Not at all. I would write her back and mention the photos. "Did you take these pictures?" if she says yes you know it's a lie. Maybe she will say No but just wanted you to see the show she went to which would be the reason for the fake photos. How many EMF's have you written to her?
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Paranoid? Well, caution and concern are generally advised in these types of situations...
Have you searched the forum for any mention of the lady's agency?
How many messages have you exchanged? Does the lady keep repeating details or asking you the same questions?
Ask particularly about the photos. Evaluate her reply. Do not jump to conclusions, but carefully weigh the answers with your instincts and emotions.
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Seagull I'm assumming that the.letter wasn't there when you logged in and out.The more times I read what you have posted the more I think you have ben scammed.It smells bad to me.Looks bad to me.So I'm thinking it is bad.
I think I would start writing to another women.Some members her have suggested.that the man should pick the lady out of the gallery that you want to write to.They think it mite be less of a chance that it is a scam.I don't know.But it's worth a try I think.
Good luck
Maxx
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Well... Being cautious or not?
To attach some pictures in any letter doesn't mean at all the lady took the pictures herself.
Maybe (for many reasons) did the lady want to share that pictures with you, even if she didn't take the pictures herself. Then the agent could have checked for any pictures on a website, and attach it, that would then just sound "simple"... (I've seen that about solar eclipse...) but I did not attach much more importance of it, I just said myself that the lady wanted to share that picture with me...
To be certain of it, for sure, you can ask her to confirm all that. If she said the picture is from her, then.. forget about it and go anywhere else ;)
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Thank you for the feedback everybody, much appreciated.
Cheers for the suggestion, Rockycoon.
Vince, I wrote to the lady and she replied about 15-20 times in total over the last 3 or so weeks (I would write one day, she would reply the next day, etc).
Doug, strangely enough she did not ask me that many questions. I was the one who asked most of the questions about her and her hometown. Now that I think about it, she provided a lot of information about her hometown of Guilin and fake pictures (i.e. not taken by her) which anyone could have provided.
Maxx, you're right, the letter wasn't there when I first logged in and out after several days of absence from Chnlove. But the next day there was one from "her".
Although I am disappointed, I do not think I will reply to her. I may add some feedback to the agency where it gives you the option and explain why I am not writing back.
I also noticed the lady's profile was refreshed while I was away, so it is quite clear that the agency are trying to drum up some more business from her profile.
Thanks again.
Well... Being cautious or not?
To attach some pictures in any letter doesn't mean at all the lady took the pictures herself.
Maybe (for many reasons) did the lady want to share that pictures with you, even if she didn't take the pictures herself. Then the agent could have checked for any pictures on a website, and attach it, that would then just sound "simple"... (I've seen that about solar eclipse...) but I did not attach much more importance of it, I just said myself that the lady wanted to share that picture with me...
To be certain of it, for sure, you can ask her to confirm all that. If she said the picture is from her, then.. forget about it and go anywhere else ;)
Thanks Sylvain. I am more inclined not to write back to her right now. Maybe when I calm down over this I may decide to reply.
Fortunately I have been writing to one other girl at the same time (so not just her) so it is not a complete loss for me, although if things do not work out with the second girl I am back to the drawing board again. :)
I am not sure what the rules are on this board as I am new here, but I can post a link to her page and the agency if anyone is interested.
Cheers
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Well, you can link her page and the agency if you go into a relationship with her / or wish it to be... ;)
I am tryin' to find again that link... 'just don't know where it is...
EDIT : here's the link :
Brotherhood List of Lady Profile (http://www.chnlove.info/showthread.php?tid=59&page=1&highlight=agency)
Btw, welcome aboard ;)
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If you are already having questions about her, and the experts, like Maxx and Vince thinks its a scam, remember there are a lot of beautiful women here, start talking to another one.
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I would lean towards the scam. The lady I have been writing to admitted early on that she was not computer savvy. I thought this was odd as everyone in this day and age could at least check e-mail. I was also concerned about the agency being in Beijing and her city over 400 K away. I did send recent photos of me and my children as well as my home town. Her response was to have the translator add some pictures of Beijing. I wanted to send a gift so I asked for an address and got her “sister’s” address in Beijing. Was ready to pull the plug and cut my losses. This was about the time of the big concern about tim yap. I backed away and kept in communication. Bottom line is everything she told me was true. She did hire a computer tutor, did send recent pictures, and did provide an address in her home town. The big difference between this lady and yours is that she was upfront about the photos and everything else. The second item of concern for you is the recent refresh of her profile. Since I have been in communication my lady has not had her profile refreshed. Also I have learned from the forum here to develop a relationship with the translator. Almost got crazy, but the older I get, the 24 hour rule really meant 24 days. Plans are to be there in December for her birthday.
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A few thoughts. The translator may have translated her letter lst, knowing you would be away for a few days making it correspond to your return. Translators are busy, so they often prioritize letters. Sending pictures from web sites is not rare, but a good way to get around your doubt is to ask her for pictures of her family. One cannot fake that!
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Personally i would do as the others suggest and ask about who took the pictures before i'd cut my losses. As the first lady i wrote to often told me of food she had eaten and attached photos found on the internet, She also told me about a show she saw and attched pictures that were clearly uploaded from the internet. The reason she did this was because she did not have her own digital camera (believe it or not, apparently some people still do not have them :icon_biggrin:) And she was a genuine lady as i did go out to China to meet her. Maybe ask her that you would like to feel closer to her in an Emf and see what her opinions on more direct contact with her are, and attach your email address or cell phone number, Whenever i have done this, the reply i got the next day had her email address and cell number attached to the letter.
Andy.
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Scott,
Look on the index page of this site(Board Statistics), it will tell you who's been on line in the last 24 hours and who's on line now or the last 15 minutes.
So sure they know who's been on there site and when, with a little more sophistication, it can could tell you who is logged on to the web site at any particular time.
This is pretty standard Stuff Scott, all websites have the same sort of facility....
David....
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I know that the agencies can tell when you log in, so it's no coincidence I suddenly start receiving "admirer mails" again after I visited this site for the first time in several days. However, lo and behold I also receive a letter from the "lady".
Question, Seagull...just curious how you would know "that the agencies can tell you log in..." that's not been said before on this forum that I am aware, and would like something concrete to support the belief. Not saying you're wrong, but that is quite something if they really are...
Thanks,
Scott
Depends on what they want to know but they can get the following info:
- what site you came from,
- where you went in their site,
- how long you were there,
- when you left,
- what browser you are using,
- what operating system you are using
- your ip address
- what country you are in
- etc
Most commercial websites will want that info to see how their site is doing, who is visiting, how long they are staying, etc
It possible that the agencies get reports on hits to their listed ladies, whether they do or not I have no idea :)
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ahkiwi,
Not sure about the rest of what you say they can't get, .... but a logger on a site can or WILL (depending on sophistication) tell you:-
Your IP address.
How long you were on the site.
When you came on the site (logged on)
When you left the site. (logged off)
David....
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Oh yeh, sounds like what happened to me with my (supposed) girlfriend, who suddenly quit writing around the olympics time, and said she had to help out her boss at the olympics, and I never heard from her agian.
I think if your getting phoney pictures from her, your probably having an affair with a translator. I would ask maxx and some of the other pro's from dover about this. They really know a lot about this subject!
My advice for what its worth is pick another woman from a different agency that has a good reputation, and see what happens...good luck
Rockycoon
Yep...I agree, but what we cant seem to get a good handle on, is who are the good Agencies and who are the bad ones......I'm getting to the point where I start to think that they are all basically "bad" and if you are VERY lucky you might find a few genuine women out there !!!
The cost and angst to sort the wheat from the chaff gets wearing and gets me more and more angry about this whole Business Model.
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David,
It's not so much the women not being genuine within the agency's, It's much more to do with some of the antic's that the agencies get up-to. I would say that none of the agencies are squeaky clean in that respect!! But i would say that the vast majority of the ladies are straight and genuine. In fact I'd go as far as saying that well over 90-95% are exactly who they say they are....
David.....
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David,
It's not so much the women not being genuine within the agency's, It's much more to do with some of the antic's that the agencies get up-to. I would say that none of the agencies are squeaky clean in that respect!! But i would say that the vast majority of the ladies are straight and genuine. In fact I'd go as far as saying that well over 90-95% are exactly who they say they are....
David.....
Nooooooooooooooooooo....they're not...they've all been photoshopped !!!! I met 5 ladies and not one of them was remotely like the photos in the profile. OK, 5 out of 7,000 is not a big sample...but for me it is a 100% strike-out !!!
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David,
Is that the ladies doing, or the agencies doing??
You know the score about photo's anyway, ....you always ask for natrual non photoshoped photo's.
Whatever you do, .... don't strike-out with the latest one, ...i'm still after my big , ...no massive discounts!! haha!!
David....
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David,
It's not so much the women not being genuine within the agency's, It's much more to do with some of the antic's that the agencies get up-to. I would say that none of the agencies are squeaky clean in that respect!! But i would say that the vast majority of the ladies are straight and genuine. In fact I'd go as far as saying that well over 90-95% are exactly who they say they are....
David.....
Can you imagine the uproar if all us guys went to the local photo studio and had photos done for OUR profiles that were as false as most of those we see........if we turned up looking nothing like these photos, we would be hammered for being false and deceitful etc. etc. etc
But we have to go through all these hoops to try to get a look at the REAL person, often with big resistance from the Women/Agencies.
How do they think a guy is going to react when they KNOW that a face-to-face (at great cost and time for a guy, will expose this fraud...because fraud is what it is !!
Better stop here, blood pressure getting critical !!!!!
Dont worry David
I have told my latest (The Surgeon) that I will break contact with her unless she promises me and you a new face for free (haha)...plus sends me some natural photos of herself !!! Although, for a Plastic Surgeon...God only knows what she looked like in real life before all her collegues had a go at her....WTH...who cares !!!!
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David,
Exactly, .... she could be a walking advertisement for her department at the hospital. At least you'll see what they Can do. ...hahaha!! Also hopes she understands and or appreciates Aussie humour too!! ....hahaha!!
David......
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David,
Exactly, .... she could be a walking advertisment for her department at the hospital. At least you'll see what they Can do. ...hahaha!! Also hopes she understands and or appheciates Aussie humour too!! ....hahaha!!
David......
Haha...Aussie humour with Chinese Dating Agencies is wearing a bit thin David !!!!..soon will start throwing hand-grenades :):)
BTW Sylvain "my " Plastic Surgeon is going to France next week for a conference...can I fix you up cheap for a face-job :):):):)...I said FACE - job !!!!!
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David, where will you be? Paris? Just Pm me ;) :)
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ahkiwi,
Not sure about the rest of what you say they can't get, .... but a logger on a site can or WILL (depending on sophistication) tell you:-
Your IP address.
How long you were on the site.
When you came on the site (logged on)
When you left the site. (logged off)
David....
errr ... that's what I was saying :P
They can get all that stuff (and more probably)
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Sly
What I meant was that the Lady I am corresponding with is a Plastic Surgeon, and she will be in Paris next week for a conference...i thought maybe I could arrange for her to do some work on your face if you want to look 10 years younger (haha)
Only kidding buddy
David E
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David,
It's not so much the women not being genuine within the agency's, It's much more to do with some of the antic's that the agencies get up-to. I would say that none of the agencies are squeaky clean in that respect!! But i would say that the vast majority of the ladies are straight and genuine. In fact I'd go as far as saying that well over 90-95% are exactly who they say they are....
David.....
Can you imagine the uproar if all us guys went to the local photo studio and had photos done for OUR profiles that were as false as most of those we see........if we turned up looking nothing like these photos, we would be hammered for being false and deceitful etc. etc. etc
But we have to go through all these hoops to try to get a look at the REAL person, often with big resistance from the Women/Agencies.
How do they think a guy is going to react when they KNOW that a face-to-face (at great cost and time for a guy, will expose this fraud...because fraud is what it is !!
Better stop here, blood pressure getting critical !!!!!
Actually David I presume there wouldn't be an 'uproar' as I recently came across something on Chnlove's site that specifically prohibited men's profile 'photos being photoshopped and stated that if they were they would not be posted; and, given that Chlove are the masters of photoshopping, they would certainly know. But how hypocritical is that??!! Perhaps that's another angle to force Chnlove to stop posting photoshopped women - we accept that they, can if they accept that we can. And Chnlove is never going to accept that we can, so..........
Dont worry David
I have told my latest (The Surgeon) that I will break contact with her unless she promises me and you a new face for free (haha)...plus sends me some natural photos of herself !!! Although, for a Plastic Surgeon...God only knows what she looked like in real life before all her collegues had a go at her....WTH...who cares !!!!
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Rockycoon
Yep...I agree, but what we cant seem to get a good handle on, is who are the good Agencies and who are the bad ones......I'm getting to the point where I start to think that they are all basically "bad" and if you are VERY lucky you might find a few genuine women out there !!!
The cost and angst to sort the wheat from the chaff gets wearing and gets me more and more angry about this whole Business Model.
David
After more than a year of chnlove, I am inclined to agree with you. This may sound like sour grapes, and of course, that is part of it, but I just don't think I would use it ever again.
Meeting someone from another country is damn hard way of doing things. It might work out for me this time, but if it doesn't, I just couldn't face doing this ever again.
I am really happy at the moment. But I don't think I realised when I began this how hard it would be. Choosing a pretty face, that's easy. It's everything after that which becomes complicated and hard.
Danny
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Greetings Brothers,
Guys, I think perhaps everyone is reading a bit to much into these dishonest agencies and ladies. Lets face it for the vast majority of these ladies they are honest and sincere in looking for a husband through Chnlove.
Unfortunately its always the bad news that sticks in peoples minds. Sure there are dishonest translators and agencies but they are I am sure in the minority. I sometimes wonder when we hear of someone being taken advantage of if that is really the case or is it more a problem with trying to find your true love on the internet cross language, cross culture and long distance.
I think much of the confusion and suspicion is caused by how the words translate back and forward and peoples perception of what they read versus what was intended to be said.
I have seen it many times with Zhen when we were together using the electronic translator and the translation of something was almost the exact opposite of what I wanted, or it spat out something totally irrelevant.
For example in Mings thread there was one part where someone was giving best wishes but the translation inserted the word not and changed the entire meaning of the wish.
Also add in that real life translators are not pefect and often misinterpret the intent and more confusion. I think we need to try to think what the lady is trying to say instead of reading the translation and jumping to conclusions.
Also I think that translation software works far better going from english to chinese than it does from chinese to english and hence more confusion from what we receive from the ladies. So if teh lady is receiving a closer translation of what we say than what we get from her then we are likely the ones getting confused and sending an incorrect response back which in turn confuses the lady.
Anyway I am typing this and trying to do a webcam with Zhen but our connection keeps dropping, so If this sonds a littel garbled please forgive me, I will try again later.
Regards,
Zhen and Brian
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Brian - I've also noticed that translations come out the opposite of what you want to say. I always translate my Google translation back into English again, and only send it to the lady if it says the same as what I put in.
Sometimes it's totally maddening, it's almost as if you type "i love you" and it translates it into "i hate you" :@.
I think the secret is to learn what all the Chinese characters mean, then only use the English equivalents. But sometimes things are baffling, like today Google seemed to think that Mandarin was a citrus fruit and not a language!
Aside from the Changsha Love Bridge issues, I don't think I really had any major problems with dishonest ladies or agencies. The biggest annoyance was having lots of EMFs from ladies I'd lost interest in, so I blocked them all in the end. I still don't know if my CLB ladies were real though :huh:.
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Hello i am fairly new here .I have been reading posts in here for aout 4 days.The only thing I can add to any of this is that I am having a web camera conference with my lady after 8 emfs.At least I will see her as she really is instead of photo shop pics.And she will see who I am.This is one way of knowing you are really talking to whom you think you are .Not withstanding what the translator is telling her ha ha.With evryones help here I know its a sincere bunch of guys and I am very happy I found this.Its good advice especially if some of havent been there before.I salute everyone of you.
Ron
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Good luck on your webcam meeting Ron. These webcams are so incredibly important to a long distance relationship, I can't express it enough. Seeing her smile or giggle is simply the highlight of my day as I'm sure it will be for you too. Enjoy!
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Yeah good luck on the webcam. The first time I saw my lady on webcam was an incredibly moving experience. I was just so happy that she looked just like her photos. And her voice is amazingly lovely. Also finding out she could actually speak quite good English was a massive surprise :fi_lone_ranger:.
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Hello i am fairly new here .I have been reading posts in here for aout 4 days.The only thing I can add to any of this is that I am having a web camera conference with my lady after 8 emfs.At least I will see her as she really is instead of photo shop pics.And she will see who I am.This is one way of knowing you are really talking to whom you think you are .Not withstanding what the translator is telling her ha ha.With evryones help here I know its a sincere bunch of guys and I am very happy I found this.Its good advice especially if some of havent been there before.I salute everyone of you.
Ron
There is nothing like a web cam conversation. It really is the sweetest thing. In every city I have visited there have been internet cafes with computers with web cams. I can't think of a good reason why any woman you are serious about cannot get to one, at least now and then. Once you have had a web cam conversation things are at a new level I think.
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There is nothing like a web cam conversation. It really is the sweetest thing. In every city I have visited there have been internet cafes with computers with web cams. I can't think of a good reason why any woman you are serious about cannot get to one, at least now and then. Once you have had a web cam conversation things are at a new level I think.
But many ladies do no like going into the internet cafes for many varied reasons. In fact some fathers will not let their daughters go to them without being accompanied!!
Willy
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Will, Ke Ren told me that she did not like going to them because they were dangerous??? And it was quite a way from her house at the time...:icon_cheesygrin:
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I've used internet cafe's all over China, never seen any trouble in any of them, not once. If a woman is wary of using one, i suggest she first tries one of the bigger and posher establishments. These Cafe's are very, very well run, and many women use them. As I've said before, I've noticed that when older ladies get into difficulties with the computer, in these establishments, the younger people there are always willing to help. Most of these bigger cafe's also run Internet lessons, so they give a complete service to those that know little to nothing about computers.
I think that if these ladies are serious, about the men they have formed a relationship with, and want that relationship to progress .....They should be willing to at least try additional means of communications other than EMF's What better means of communication than IM/webcam, even if you can't communicate effectively, it can still bring you that much closer together!! Combine that with the EMF's makes a hell of a difference...
David.....
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That's so true David, I have to take her at her word, even though we been 'talking' for nearly a year;-((:@
I do speak to her on the phone now and again, in fact I phoned her about an hour and a half ago, so I am WELL PLEASED. :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin: She is getting a bit nervous (just like me), but that's only to be expected. Her English has improved tremendously since my last call to her, MY Chinese is dreadful...:huh:
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Rob,
Talking on the phone is another means of communication, ....anything is better than just relying on EMF's. IM/webcam, is just a better mode of communication, it means that you can see who your talking too.... Obviously much better if you have a common language between you too.
Rob, it's a sad truth, but the English speaking populations of this world are the worst for learning new languages!! Were spoilt, by most of the other nations learning English as the worlds international language....
David....
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I have never been in china yet lol.I am hoping to be there spring of next year.I know that my girlsprofile says she just has an address no phone.The agency is going to set up the web cam for her.I imagine she isnt computer literate.At what I have seen they make a year I dont think a computer is at the top of their list lol.The only thing a person ca hope for is that they can do web cam or phone when she vsits the agency.When I get there and things work out I can set somehing up hopefully.Just saying from what I have read here.I know where I live I wouldnt want her in an internet cafe at night.I would worry about her to much .Thanks for the input guys.
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Ron...
Don't worry that much, The good internet cafe's in China that I've used are very well run, and nothing like some of the places in the UK. As i said, I've never witnessed any trouble or harassment within these establishments, if anything, just the opposite!!...
David.....
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David do the girls have to pay for having a Yahoo address?:s
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I will ask her on the next letter about the cafes.She has a daughter who is 28 maybe she can help her?Our translator wont be back till Oct 11 th because of the holiday.She works in the title office so you would think she should be a little computer savvy?LOL she goes to the park in the evening so it cant be that bad in her neighborhood lol.I live near cleveland ohio a place called youngstown and they have drive byes in some places.I live in a good section thank god.Thanks for the input much apreciated
Ron
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Rob,
The email address is part of the contract they sign with the agency. Don't forget, these agencies deal with many other outlets other than chnlove, and most (not all) are for overseas men. So the email address is the link to each woman from these other outlets. Only chnlove as far as i'm aware of have this EMF system. The agencies make full use of these EMF's as a means of easy cash flow.... But the regular agency email system remains in place regardless.
David.....
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David do the girls have to pay for having a Yahoo address?:s
Yahoo addresses are free Rob
Willy
The internet cafe jibe was intended for Danny. He will understand my answer if no one else does.
Willy
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Ok thanks, I understand guys but the agency still has the address? for example 'name11234@yahoo.cn'
Cn they use it or is it for the sole purpose of the lady, unless of course their English writing isn't up to much?
It's ok I am just wondering, nothing wrong just inquiring :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
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Rob,
That's the agency email address given to your keren. Sure she can use it privately, if she changes the log on password, if not ...it just means the translator will see anything in the posts sent /received. Can even use it to get an IM address to webcam etc,etc!!
The email address is for both the agency and Keren's use. Primarily it is in place for translation purposes, but as i said, keren can use it as her personal email address also....
David....
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Mike,
I think best NOT!! There will still be the emails from her previous relationship(s) in that account, not just yours. Even though you would say to yourself that you wouldn't look, eventually you would succumb to curiosity, .....(and you know what curiosity did to the cat!!!)
It's human nature to want to know more, than what is good for you to know!!...
Best left as it is, ....by far, much safer!! lol!!
David....
PS : Of course you could get Jessica or the 3rd party to erase all correspondence prior to
any of your correspondence to Jessica began... That will work!! ...haha!!
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Mike ,
Then that's fine, i was just conserned that there could be mail in there, that dated back to who knows when. I know what i'd be like, .... i'd be nosey, and probably get burned for being so too!! ...haha!!
David....
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That is really the main reason we are engaged ..... we realized how well we are together ... and what we really want in life now.
I have no interest in digging up her past, or my past either :blush:
:icon_biggrin:
I am glad my latest is not trying to dig up even my recent past but she knows that I have been a model citizen!!!! so really no problems there anyway!!!:angel::angel::angel:
Willy