China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Ask An Experienced Member => Topic started by: Bee964 on June 15, 2010, 12:18:27 am
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Ok, I have a bit of a problem here and would like to hear some opinions on what you would do in this scenerio. When I joined chnlove over a year ago the first woman I sent a cupid note to answered it and we started our line of communication. We seemed to get along quite well. I was new to this so I was quite eager to have some success. Several weeks in I got a letter from her that startled me a little. In the middle of the letter it jumped to another topic completely, a topic that we had never discussed and she was addressing me as "John" after addressing me properly as "Dave" at the start of the letter. It had never occured to me that she might have been writing to other men. Hey, I was reasonably new to internet dating and talking to a chinese woman was really exciting for me to say the least. It was real easy to overlook some things that may be real important like how many men she may be writing to. I never thought of asking her about this so when I did ask the answer came back as yes, she was talking to other men.
As the next couple of letters went on I had been contacted by an other woman and one of my first questions to her was are you writing to other men. This other woman said that I was the only one she was corresponding with and we started to write to eachother. The communication with the first woman fell by the way side and we gradually lost touch. I do remember getting a letter from her out of the blue around the end of last october. I read it but never answered it as things seemed to be going well with the other woman.
That was last year.
Well after several failed attempts at a relationship and one failed attempt at meeting a woman, I had just started to write to another woman. We have only exchanged 4 letters to date. I went to send a letter to her today and I see a letter from this first woman in my EMF mailbox. She notifies me that she is still interested in me and is still single. (she is 47) She is very good looking. Yes, I know about the photo retouching that is done but there are a couple pictures of her that I had gotten from her that if you look closely enough you can see her age. I don't know what to think of this but I did reply to her letter. (I sort of could not help myself. I was quite fond of her.) I know there may be a chance that maybe she just ended a relationship or a man has ended it and she is trying other old contacts, (I'm calling myself old here!)but I just wanted to see what anybody else may think. I don't think that she was playing me or an agency was taking advantage of me. (Our letters to each other stopped rather quickly)
My feeling is to keep writing to the woman that I have just started writing to but maybe write to see where this old flame goes too. The new woman that I have just started to write to is 42 years old. As I said earlier, this old flame is 47 years old. I am 52 years old. I would like to find someone around my age. I told myself that 42 was the youngest age that I would accept. (I had been contacted by women as young as 27 years old! Way too young for me.) To be honest I did think about a couple that were 38 and 39 but there may have been certain parts of me that were trying to lead me down that path. It is a nice stroke of the ego to think about these younger ones especially when you think about your marriage failing due to your wifes infidelity, but I soon felt that it could be a very uncomfortable situation so I drew the line at 10 years difference. (This may still be too much but I will give it a try)
Back to the questions that I want to ask for responces to. Has anyone had dealings with agency P203 Sichuan Yitong Overseas Matchmaking Co. Ltd? Are they reputable? I am not the type to try to keep 2 or 3 "fish" dangling on the line and then decide on which one by meeting them face to face in china. Hell, with my memory I would have that all screwed up within a couple letters. Besides, I don't like the feeling that I get thinking about having more than 1 girlfriend.
So, what am I trying to ask here, besides about the agency. I guess I am asking if anybody has any useful advise about this type of situation. In my letter to this old flame I did tell her that I would require more direct contact with her, on-line chats, web cam chats...etc. I also told her that I have a QQ number but I did not give it to her. I guess maybe just let me know if you think that it would be a good idea to restart communication with the old flame. By the way, no Maxx I did not think about your 24 hour rule. I had composed a letter to her and sent it before I thought of the rule. I will keep it in mind next time.
Dave C
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Dave It was probably the translator who screwed it up for you and the first lady you were writing to.The wrong name scenario is not a red flag because there is somebody else involved with the translation of your letters.If you did tell the old flame that you wanted direct contact.I think that is a good thing.It could show you how serious the woman is.If you get the same old lame excuses about direct contact.With the first woman.I would drop her like a bad apple and continue with the new one.To establish direct contact.The lady should send you her phone number or qq number.
The new woman it has ben only 4 letters.So she isn't to involved yet.Not unless you have promised her the earth and the moon.In those 4 letters.So wate 24 hours this time and see what becomes of all of this.
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Maxx,
I will wait at least 24 hours Maxx, but I will be anxious to see what she says. I did not have any red flags with the first woman. I kind of thought it might be a screw up by the translator but it still kinda shocked me. I should note too that I did try to find her profile a little while ago with no success. I do not remember how well I searched. I didn't have her profile number either. I see though that it was just updated. (june 13th) I did remember she was from Chengdu and knew her age. Maybe her profile was hidden?
Dave C
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Dave , As I see it .. the old flame of yours was honest with you about writing other Men . This is a big plus on her part . Now , she might have taken the time and realized your more suited for her . ( thats what I'm thinking ) Now , you seem to be leaning towards your first Girl .. lookwise and agewise . This should make your decision easier . Besides , your only four Letters into the other Girl .. so it will be easier to end that on a nice note ( tell her like it is ) in a nice way NOW before you get more involved . You and I know , if you choose the 42 year old .. first the old flame like you say will always be in the back of your Mind and that will not help the other Girl and you any . So I suggest , stay with the one you REALLY care for .. the older one . Do get some direct contact soon too and you'll sleep better too .
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Dave yes here profile could be hidden.If the agency is trying to help the woman.They don't have to list her profile again.If you really want to see if her profile is still posted.What you can do.Is go back and find her first letter to you.Look at the date on the letter.That should give you a closer guess where to start looking for her profile.Also I think they used to list the profile # on the letters.Profile # is in the top right corner by the ladies name,
I know your getting anxious.It is a tough place to be when you are waiting on a letter.There isn't much you can do but Wait it out.
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Dave , just a thought as you know where she lives and her age , trawl through some of the other sites you may find her on there and not have to have a 3 rd party involved , some of the CHN ladies are on up to 3 other sites and quite often not via an agency , regards Robert .
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Dave yes here profile could be hidden.If the agency is trying to help the woman.They don't have to list her profile again.If you really want to see if her profile is still posted.What you can do.Is go back and find her first letter to you.Look at the date on the letter.That should give you a closer guess where to start looking for her profile.Also I think they used to list the profile # on the letters.Profile # is in the top right corner by the ladies name,
I know your getting anxious.It is a tough place to be when you are waiting on a letter.There isn't much you can do but Wait it out.
Ok, her profile is listed now. I had looked for it about 5 or 6 weeks ago and it was not listed. I searched for her in the city that she was living in and I knew her age but her profile was not listed at that time. I just plain old may have missed seeing it too. I don't think that I tried to search it by her profile having a video message. Her profile is one of the few that has a video message. Now I have it. I will put her in my favorites. (I don't think I did when I was first talking to her) I had her letters printed and had printed some of her photos as well. I had these packed away in the basement here ready to move. (I almost didn't pack them but I thought that she was the first chinese woman that I conversed with and I wanted to keep them.) 9 days ago we had a storm and the basement got water in it. The letters and photos were ruined. (there was a lot more than just this that got ruined too!) Now I know I saw someone mention on this forum about getting back old letters that you have deleted, if someone knows where the thread is and could point me in the right direction I would be most grateful.
Arnold,
I agree with you. She was honest with me and this is a big plus! If there is no honesty the relationship will not work. I was just a little too naive about the situation, being a newbie and all at the time.
Robert,
I will check the other sites later tonight., ummm today that is. It is 3:20 am here now and I need to get some sleep. This is an excellent suggestion. I did not think of this before.
Dave C
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Dave
I'm glad you are being sensible about age. I have written about that on another thread in the past day or so.
I think you have found the right balance. 42 is ok and so is 47 - you will be comfortable with either. At least you will know that they are going for you, Dave the 52 year old.
And they are not one who is 20 or more years younger and just looking for a comfortable life.
The decision is yours but which ever you make will be the right one as you are sensible enough not to be going for as Trophy wife that usually just brings pain in the end.
I have never regreted dropping all the younger women who fell over them self at me when they knew I was going to live here. I have the balance right with my wife and I get treated like a king. (Perhaps that is why she is always try to crown me.)
Willy
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Dave (Bee), If you have not gone into your Chnlove profile>received letters and deleted the letters there? Then all letters to you should be there. Same for Sent letters. Check the menu.
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Vince,
I did delete the letters from the site. I thought that I saw someone post that you could get them back somehow in another thread. I was just hoping. When I go to the site later today I will check the site closer for any information reguarding this. I did delete them but I have never emptied a trash bin on the site.
Mike,
I am going to give her another try. She was always honest with me and never tried to hurry things along. You know, tried to say "I love you" by the 10th letter and have you promise to come meet her within 6 weeks. One woman I was having good direct contact with was demanding that I come meet her the first week of this month. I had a funeral for a very close family friend june 7th and would have postponed the trip to meet her. I don't think she would have understood.
When this old flame started calling me a different name the whole paragraph was talking about something going on in an office setting. I worked on the floor of a factory. I was pretty sure that the translator was answering several letters for her and screwed up in the middle and did not proof read the letter before sending it to me. I did not get any responce from the agency or translator either. I, being a newbie there, I did not really expect a responce from them. I just was a little naive thinking that I would have been the only man she was talking to. I am much wiser now due to this forum and a little experience. I should also note that there are no new pictures on the profile either. I will request new everyday pictures too.
Dave C
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Dave (Bee), If you have not gone into your Chnlove profile>received letters and deleted the letters there? Then all letters to you should be there. Same for Sent letters. Check the menu.
Vince, after some period of time, they do get deleted. Mine are all gone from there.
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My wife and I wanted to have a complete collection of all the letters we had exchanged on Chnlove so we could print them all. I noticed that after a certain date I could no longer see them so I sent a letter Chnlove Customer Care, and they gave me a link to retrieve them, maybe you could do the same. Best of luck my friend.
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I wasn't sure which deleted he meant? (online or in his computer) But now I know. But as Paul wrote, it rings a bell. I think he posted about this before?
What I do is have all the letters written on my computer in a folder. Any old letters from past ladies were deleted by me at Chnlove. There were some that went back more then a year so I had no notion that they delete them after an amount of time? Makes sense, they clear their space.
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Paul Todd,
I will check with them and see what they say.
I checked some other sites and I did not find a profile of her on them. I also just watched her video on her CHN profile and she speaks in english, not the best but still it is english. I don't think language can be used for an excuse to aviod direct contact. Granted it is only a couple lines. I will see what her responce is.
Dave C
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Vince,
There is an option to send a copy of the letter to your email but I only started doing this with the woman I was writing to after her. I had read in a thread somewhere that they may be useful in proving how long the relationship has been going on. (may be needed for immigration) I will see what CHN says about this.
Dave C
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Vince,
There is an option to send a copy of the letter to your email but I only started doing this with the woman I was writing to after her. I had read in a thread somewhere that they may be useful in proving how long the relationship has been going on. (may be needed for immigration) I will see what CHN says about this.
Dave C
This part is true. Citizenship and immigration Canada wants to see the relationship progressing, and to prove this, you need proof of communication. Save all e-mails, QQ/MSN/Yahoo Chat/Whatever chat logs, phone records, pictures, etc. They will come in handy later. Also, if you are feeling pretty confident about the relationship, it might not hurt to start printing them, as it is a big job later. I printed them all at once, and the printer has not forgiven me for it.
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Dave,
i know its still in the early stages with the lady you have reconnected to but i
wanted to send my best wishes for success for the two of you. you cant fault
her for talking with a few men as many of the men really dont live up to what
they talk about nor do they visit them. but she was honest with you which is a
big plus and the road has lead back to you. what city is she in? maybe we can meet
up on your visit here
Ted
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Ted,
Yes, I did not fault her for the mistake that was made. I will see how things progress with her. I still wrote to the younger woman, YanLing, last night too. I did this before deciding to write back to the old flame, Michelle. YanLing is in Guangzhou and Michelle is in Chengdu. I do not fault her for writing to others either. Like I said, it was stupid of me to assume that I would be the only man she would be writing to. I was a rookie at this at that time.
Ted there is a very good chance that we will meet sometime in china. I will keep you posted on any travel plans that I make for china. Jack Links right? Any particular flavor? They had some fantastic beef and pork jerky in Singapore that I have been craving for the past couple months!
Dave C
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Hey Dave,
I'm pretty sure there is an asian supermarket in Windsor... See if they have any Soo Jerky. Not quite as fresh, but if you're craving...
BTW, I'm sure you can recognise it. It has a Merlion as part of it's logo. ;D
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Mustfocus,
That bacon jerky in Singapore was sooooooo gooooood!!! I can still smell it and taste it! There is a Vietnamese market close to me here. (about 6 or 8 blocks away) I think there is an asian one near the university too. I will look in a couple days. :o 8) :D
Dave C
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I got a reply from Michelle this morning. I am still evaluating her reply in my mind. She did say that "she would not imagine how we could communicate with other ways due to her poor english." Like I said earlier, she does have a video on her profile. She says 3 lines in english and they are not perfect. Yes I understand it is only 3 lines and you cannot deduce that she can speak english from it. The point I am making is that she is trying. Making an effort.
In the letter she tells me that she did meet a western man but he did not want to get married. Why write EMF letters for several months and then travel half way around the world to meet a woman but not have any intention of marriage? Yes, there is the fact that he may have just wanted to add another notch in his belt by bedding her. My intuition tells me there may be more to this than she is saying.
Given the fact that she may have dropped the other guy because he had no intention of marriage and the fact that she went to the trouble and cost of having a video on her profile where she can be heard speaking english I am finding it hard to believe that she is really unwilling to try to communicate with me by other means. There may be some other things in this letter that lead me to believe it is the translator talking and not her. Has anybody had dealings with agency P203, Sichuan Yitong Overseas Matchmaking Co. Ltd. in Chengdu?
I will continue writing to her but I will proceed with caution for now.
Dave C
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what about asking for direct email contact? they do have translating on their computers. and it would be a
good way to test her theory on how you can communicate. and see how it goes. just a thought
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Mustfocus,
That bacon jerky in Singapore was sooooooo gooooood!!! I can still smell it and taste it! There is a Vietnamese market close to me here. (about 6 or 8 blocks away) I think there is an asian one near the university too. I will look in a couple days. :o 8) :D
Dave C
If not, let me know if you're passing through Toronto next and I'll guide you to a supermarket. I'll even take you to the dumpling king's favourite hotspot (Table 10)...
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Sorry...somewhere in the rules it states that I also have to be present at table 10.
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You and Alison are also welcome. And Zhi Fang as well... First round is on me.
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Martin - I am sure the guys will like it if you bring them a Present ;D
Muuumm....presents and dumplings
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Bee...glad to see you have your eyes open, and you are taking your time with this. Better to go with the side of caution, and be sure about yourself, than run in and get burned. Good for you.
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what about asking for direct email contact? they do have translating on their computers. and it would be a
good way to test her theory on how you can communicate. and see how it goes. just a thought
Ted,
I did ask her for regular emails too. I checked this just to be sure. All the pictures on her profile are the same as when we were writing to each other last year. I will ask for a couple new ones that are everyday ones and see what her responce is. I got a feeling it will be the generic answer too, "I don't have a camera." She has a cell phone and I have not seen a cell phone whithout a camera in a long time. I will keep you posted on this.
Martin, Mustfocus,
I will be going through the area this weekend. Probably next weekend too. Canada day weekend also. I will probably stay at my friends place in Richmond Hill some of this time. I will PM you my cell phone number.
Dave C
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I wish you guys the best endeavor - And Bee best of luck with your quest on finding your queen bee. No need to rush to make her your Honey but play it nice and slow as it seems to be your game plan 8)
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I wish you guys the best endeavor - And Bee best of luck with your quest on finding your queen bee. No need to rush to make her your Honey but play it nice and slow as it seems to be your game plan 8)
Yes Rhonald. I want to avoid any sticky situations with any honey.
Dave C
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I got a responce from CHN. They keep old letters in their database. I have to send another note to them to ask for the old letters that she sent me. They only restored the deleted letters I sent her. I can post the links but I don't know if they will work for everybody.
Dave C
Dave
arnold posted a link to getting all you mail from CHN, both ways...
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Where did he post the links? I can't find them.
Dave C
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http://www.chnlove.com/my/inbox_old.php (http://www.chnlove.com/my/inbox_old.php)
and
http://www.chnlove.com/my/outbox_old.php (http://www.chnlove.com/my/outbox_old.php)
Was a Feisnik post that corrected Arnold's link. Hope this works since I am at work and our firewall blocks me from checking.
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I PM'd you about this Rhonald but I thought that I would post this here. These links work for old letters from 2008 and earlier. I need from 2009 to present. I only joined the site (CHN) in early 2009. But thanks a whole bunch anyways. They did restore my out box but I want my in box too. I am getting the feeling that a translator is trying to play me for EMF money. I want to compare letters from then and now. :D
Dave C