China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Newbies Corner => Topic started by: RegnisTheGreat on November 10, 2009, 10:17:10 pm
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I'm home yet again from another bad online dating experience (almost). I meet someone off PoF (pretty much all of you must know that site) and we got along well and been talking for like a week and half now. We'd talk on IM every-night and even arranged a meeting on Friday (I'm out of town on business). But last night something she said didn't ring true with me so I did some investigating and I found out that she was completely lying. She's not even in Ottawa but actually is somewhere in Manitoba (I'm a fairly technical guy and that was easy to figure out). Now I'm waiting to confront her when she comes online today but she hasn't made a showing yet.
I'm not a bad looking guy, I give myself a 6/10 and on PoF I'd email woman who I'd consider a 6/10 range. I don't go for the super hot ones or the ones that sound crazy, but most of them just ignore you. I feel like they're looking for someone perfect.
So am I being to think, is it the online dating that's the problem in the west world? That people have much choice and never settle but think they can always do better?
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I was on POF for a few months. My 27 year old friend goes on quite a few dates from this site. He has had some real weired dates. I remember ever only sending out 3 letters with never a response. When I asked my friend, he said you have to send a 100 at a time. After I heard about this shotgun method I gave up on the site. But strangely I owe POF a favour since it was through an ad from the site that I discovered Chnlove.
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Dunno about US/Canada but it is sure a problem in Aus....
RSVP is the largest "free" site here...and it is the home of 50,000 weirdos, misfits, no-hopers, perverts and "would be-if they could be !!!"
Had one or two dates some time ago from RSVP...and if you think that the Chinese ladies from CHNLove are not exactly as their photos....RSVP was a knockout, they weren't even from the same Planet.
Here, any single woman is looking for a Man at least 10 years younger...because the Feminists insist that it is their choice to do so...somebody forgot to tell the blokes about this rule.
So for me, RSVP means getting lots of "internet kisses" from women 70 years plus !!!
One heart stopping encounter springs to mind...she described herself as 5 ft 6 inches...55 years old...attractive with "athletic" body type.
I duly turned up to meet this "Lady" and was confronted by a "thing" that was at least 180 lbs, about 5 ft nothing and as about as attractive as a hatful of ass***les and later when she left her purse on the table to go to the loo, I saw she had a Seniors Card in the front of it...you dont get them until you are 65 !!!!
When I politely queried how she had described herself as "athletic"...she replied "well I was very athletic when I was in my teens...and what has that got to do with anything...you should only be interested in me as a person..not a body image...you bloody male chauvinist pigs are all the same "
Hence you can imagine I was outta there at the speed of light !!!
Did you get my drift Abigbutt...maybe now it is a bit clearer why I am looking in China :):):)
DavidE
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Online dating is not a problem whether it be the USA, Canada, Europe or wherever.
It the meeting that is a problem - that can destroy every illusion you have built up on a person.
Forget meeting them - Stick to online dating as it is cheaper!!!!!
Willy
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Forget meeting them - Stick to online dating as it is cheaper!!!!!
Willy
Willy
Thats the best bit of advice I have heard in a long time !!!
Should be called "Willy's 5269 hour rule " :icon_cheesygrin:(with apologies to Arnold !)
DavidE
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I like the tag Willy's 5269 - but would rather have Willy's 1269!!!!
Willy
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I like the tag Willy's 5269 - but would rather have Willy's 1269!!!!
Willy
I'm sure you would !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
David
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I don't think online dating is a bad thing. Without it, I'd not have, through a fairly circuitous route, met someone unlike I ever met. She's the first person that ticked all the boxes since I was maybe 22 and that's not yesterday and thats a lot of dates ago..
Sure there maybe weirdos and strait out liars and spammers out there, but hasn't that always been the case?, pirates of the coast of Somalia aren't exactly ding something new and inventive.
Its a new medium but people are still people. If you keep your wits about you and have a little luck than you can meet that special person that you would have never met in other circumstances.
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But what I don't understand why the lying on these sites? There's no money in it for them (eg. in my case) or anything like that. I've always been 100% honest and treat others like how I wanted to be treated. I am kind and generous. Why the lying? What's the point?
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"Snipped" Dunno about US/Canada but it is sure a problem in Aus....
One heart stopping encounter springs to mind...she described herself as 5 ft 6 inches...55 years old...attractive with "athletic" body type.
I duly turned up to meet this "Lady" and was confronted by a "thing" that was at least 180 lbs, about 5 ft nothing and as about as attractive as a hatful of ass***les and later when she left her purse on the table to go to the loo, I saw she had a Seniors Card in the front of it...you dont get them until you are 65 !!!!
When I politely queried how she had described herself as "athletic"...she replied "well I was very athletic when I was in my teens...and what has that got to do with anything...you should only be interested in me as a person..not a body image...you bloody male chauvinist pigs are all the same "
Did you get my drift Abigbutt...maybe now it is a bit clearer why I am looking in China :):):)
Same in NZ... as I have said before....
NZ dating sites are full of demanding woman who think they are spectacular but in fact are ordinary; in China its the other way round - there are spectacular girls who think they are plain
And its more than just that....Shes early 40's, I'm over 60, and I've been upfront about that from the start.. We've been talking for a year now, including my 2 week visit to Shenzhen, and she still says she loves me as a person, not a body image... Oz/ Kiwi girls go figure.... :-)
More than that, I have had to set aside preoccupation with her rather lovely appearance and focus on the things that contribute to an enduring relationship - acceptance, relinquishment of judgement, and a willingness to be open to spiritual guidance-whatever that means. And of course Wo ai ni....
I've discovered, rather late in life, that I love dancing :-) Heres what I plan to do with her when the time arrives
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMX2p3-oE-g
This is an OZ couple from Melbourne, so maybe they have redeemed the australian cultural cringe
More as it unfolds.... David K in Auckland
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But what I don't understand why the lying on these sites? There's no money in it for them (eg. in my case) or anything like that. I've always been 100% honest and treat others like how I wanted to be treated. I am kind and generous. Why the lying? What's the point?
It's the "Sales Pitch". Hopefully, you'll "Love" them later for what they're really. As DavidE wroted, PoF is a "Free" site, so you'll get lots of people trying to "Pad" their personal resume. If they ain't paying anything to join, they're probably worth that much. As Rhonald pointed out, you need to contact 100 profiles to find that genuine 1.
ChnLove is a hit and miss also. If you don't try, you'll never know what could have been.
On the other hand, I know some people ( other than our Forum brothers ) who found their current love one on online dating ... so it works to some degree !!!
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I understand padding, but why say you're in Ottawa when you're in Manitoba. And do you guys find ChnLove to have a lower miss rate then PoF? (and holy crap, 100 messages for 1.. I don't think I have the time for that -- it takes me 10-15 to write a good message).
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I understand padding, but why say you're in Ottawa when you're in Manitoba. And do you guys find ChnLove to have a lower miss rate then PoF? (and holy crap, 100 messages for 1.. I don't think I have the time for that -- it takes me 10-15 to write a good message).
Mate, write the good message once and then copy and paste it to the other 100....:icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
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I understand padding, but why say you're in Ottawa when you're in Manitoba. And do you guys find ChnLove to have a lower miss rate then PoF? (and holy crap, 100 messages for 1.. I don't think I have the time for that -- it takes me 10-15 to write a good message).
She could have started her PoF profile while in Manitoba and then moved to Ottawa. Maybe she didn't change/update her specs.
Sorry, it's a numbers game ... as in everything in life and in "Sales". This is no different.
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I understand padding, but why say you're in Ottawa when you're in Manitoba. And do you guys find ChnLove to have a lower miss rate then PoF? (and holy crap, 100 messages for 1.. I don't think I have the time for that -- it takes me 10-15 to write a good message).
She could have started her PoF profile while in Manitoba and then moved to Ottawa. Maybe she didn't change/update her specs.
Sorry, it's a numbers game ... as in everything in life and in "Sales". This is no different.
Its more then that. She said she's in Ottawa (and yes, not on vacation) but I found her ISP and they only work in Manitoba. Thanks, I've just bought some credits on ChnLove and just started talking one, wish me luck.
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Regnis
Good luck in your "journey" into the mysteries of CHNLove. I am sure you have read many posts here and are aware of the traps and pitfalls !
But it's not all bad, many Bros have found the love of their lives ...so it does work.
Just be aware and cautious..and persistent in your request for natural photos and face-to-face time on QQ or such...after you think there is genuine interest.
regarding the "lying" on free Sites...it is the unfortunate fact of human nature that most people have a distorted view of what the World owes them...this is particularly so in the World of Internet dating.
The average viewpoint is that "If I slightly modify the truth about myself, I will get a better "catch"...and its not lying really, because inside, I know I am really this person who I describe...dont worry about the reality, I KNOW I am this person. I therefore deserve a better partner " !!
Sadly, especially for Men, the modern woman from the western world is conditioned by the feminist movement to believe that they deserve the best...no matter what !!
(I realise this is a sweeping generalisation that does not apply to ALL western women...but its very prevalent and insidious)
DavidE
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No matter what site you use the scammers are there. A friend does the other sites and bookmarks all these beautiful women? When he shows me them I tell him who they are. Most are all porn star woman that had their photos used for a profile.
I use to do the rounds on the sites too. Older women going for younger guys. The ones I did meet were a little off in the head. I would hear things like "I like blond hair" and the way they check to see how much money I make? I couldn't understand there way of thinking since they were pigs. So coming to Chnlove was a different experience worth it more then the others.
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I understand padding, but why say you're in Ottawa when you're in Manitoba. And do you guys find ChnLove to have a lower miss rate then PoF? (and holy crap, 100 messages for 1.. I don't think I have the time for that -- it takes me 10-15 to write a good message).
Chnlove will have a lower miss rate because you have to pay to post your profile there (for the women). I could very easily be goofing off on PoF or any other free site. Why? Just for the fun of it.
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NZ dating sites are full of demanding woman who think they are spectacular but in fact are ordinary; in China its the other way round - there are spectacular girls who think they are plain
David K in Auckland
David, I totally agree what you said.And you have very sharp eyes,I give my wishes to you and your lady in Shenzhen .
So am I being to think, is it the online dating that's the problem in the west world? That people have much choice and never settle but think they can always do better?
We said if you go to the seashore ,and find a shell which you like, bring it to home, and never go back to the seashore. Because there is not best shell in seashore.
Here is my experience, A man ever ask me to consider about marriage , I ask him why you pick me, He said because I think you are the the best I have met until now.But he has a girl friend already. Then I ask him how about your gf, he said she is not as beautiful as you. Then I donn't want to talk to him anymore ,Becasue I know he will find other girl who is more beautiful than me. He just like shopping and compare the products. If you love someone, Even if he cann't compare with others in some place, I still think he is the best and cherish him, because you love him.
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Chen yan, I know most men (women too) fall in love with the looks more then the person themselves. I know at first my attraction to my lady was her looks. But it is the person she is that I fell in love with. Her personality, the way she laughs, thinks and cares is what did it for me. I have not met her face to face yet but I don't care of her beauty, which she seems to have also. So I say when I meet her I will be meeting her not someone that looks like her.
The man with the girlfriend you wrote about, was not at the shore for the seashell. He was there to fish. Glad you were smart enough to see the difference.
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I win the jackpot. I talked to her (the one supposed is in Ottawa but I am 99% confident is in Manitba) about this weekend and asked again about meeting for brunch. She's in Sudbury now looking after her mom who is very sick. She wants to come meet me for coffee this Saturday but her car just broke, she doesn't have enough to get it fixed as she been helping her mom last few years. She was wondering if I could lend her a few six hundred dollars to have it fixed and wanted me to send it via Western Union.
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I win the jackpot. I talked to her this weekend and asked again about meeting for brunch. She's in Sudbury now looking after her mom who is very sick. She wants to come meet me for coffee this Saturday but her car just broke, she doesn't have enough to get it fixed as she been helping her mom last few years. She was wondering if I could lend her a few six hundred dollars to have it fixed and wanted me to send it via Western Union.
Where do you find these people? I'm just wondering who you will find when you start talking on any of the other sites. :icon_biggrin:
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PoF! I'm starting to feel its Plenty of Fraud.
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You mean Plenty of Crap! I was going to post to watch out for the I'm stuck, I was robbed, my account is frozen BS? My car is broken has been used before, in western sites.
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Well, yeah. Plenty of Crap. I went with Plenty of Fraud since it at last matched the initials. Seriously pissed.
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Well, yeah. Plenty of Crap. I went with Plenty of Fraud since it at last matched the initials. Seriously pissed.
Well, now you know why for something like this, you rarely go for the free stuff. One thing I find is that when you have to pay for something, you tend to weed out the chaff as it were. I mean yes, there will always be the opportunity for fraud (as witnessed by some of the actions of the other sites), but compared to what you see on completely free sites...
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Vince,
Sounds a bit like Ronan's '' I Was Robbed'' ....hahaha!! But that line seems to have worked for him...lol!!! They do say the old lines are the best!!!! hahaha!!
David.....
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NZ dating sites are full of demanding woman who think they are spectacular but in fact are ordinary; in China its the other way round - there are spectacular girls who think they are plain
David K in Auckland
David, I totally agree what you said.And you have very sharp eyes,I give my wishes to you and your lady in Shenzhen .
So am I being to think, is it the online dating that's the problem in the west world? That people have much choice and never settle but think they can always do better?
We said if you go to the seashore ,and find a shell which you like, bring it to home, and never go back to the seashore. Because there is not best shell in seashore.
Here is my experience, A man ever ask me to consider about marriage , I ask him why you pick me, He said because I think you are the the best I have met until now.But he has a girl friend already. Then I ask him how about your gf, he said she is not as beautiful as you. Then I donn't want to talk to him anymore ,Becasue I know he will find other girl who is more beautiful than me. He just like shopping and compare the products. If you love someone, Even if he cann't compare with others in some place, I still think he is the best and cherish him, because you love him.
Looks isn't really a big deal in a long term relationship. I really hate to see how things work in 20-30 years if looks are all that important. In 30 years i'll be 60 and probably be greying, and much older and wrinklier. Same could be said of my partner. Its not her beauty that makes me love her, its her inside that does. I want to find someone that I connect with emotionally and value wise, which is what last.
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Lol, just got back from another "date" from PoF. This was the last straw and I'm giving up on that site. Deleted my profile and everything. Part of my mistake was mentioning that I have a home and a good job.
Meet this one 27 year old with kids. I knew she had kids but she said they were with her parents this weekend. She seemed nice and normal so I invited her to a nice restaurant for the two of us. I get there and wait for her and she shows up with both of her kids and sit down. People are looking at us. The place is a nice adult (as in quiet, upscale, etc not pornographic) restaurant and there was no kids menu obviously. She ordered like a meal for each of the kids and 3 apptizers. With the young kids (5 and 9) there goes all the adult conversatoin at the table and I held back on commenting. She fed the two kids the apptizers and had the two meals doggie bagged. I paid the bill (she didn't even offer to help or pay the tip) and said she should've called me if she was bring her kids along. I wasn't considering not paying as I love this place and the staff here knows me and they do amazing food. She it was nice having dinner but my kids didn't really like you and I can't imagine a relationship withs omeone my kids doesn't like.
Grrr. I am now a meal ticket for single woman.
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Ah the old "Get a free dinner trick" been there had that done. I got to a point where if I met them it was coffee only. Insisted on it.
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That is EXACTLY how I came across Chnlove also. In February of this year I'm using PoF and I sent out 4 letters of interest to women who I thought were fairly compatible and reasonable looking...none of them replied...I kept seeing the Chnlove ad, the first time I just laughed at it, but then about the 3rd of 4th time, still waiting for the US women to respond, I thought I would at least take a look...now I'm hooked on finding a Chinese woman, and may have found the one for me who I am scheduled to see on December 24th in Beijing. If she is half as wonderful as I am seeing and talking with on QQ everyday for the past month, I will be a happy husband next year!
Scott
Scott I wish you better fishing this time. POF is one pond I don't mind saying about the big one that got away.
Lol, just got back from another "date" from PoF. This was the last straw and I'm giving up on that site. Deleted my profile and everything. Part of my mistake was mentioning that I have a home and a good job.
Grrr. I am now a meal ticket for single woman.
Talk about the old bait and switch. She used the right lure. Sorry to hear about your misfortune. My 27 year old friend has said that he knows he has a winner when she starts talking about the medications she is on.
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Vince G. have you thought of writing a book on online dating? Like an intro to do it with tips adn advice? Sort of an "Online Dating for Dummies" guide? I think with your experience you can write a good one and make a lot of money.
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Oh I have stories to tell. :icon_biggrin::huh: Glad I can laugh about it now.
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Ah the old "Get a free dinner trick" been there had that done. I got to a point where if I met them it was coffee only. Insisted on it.
I kept getting to the point where I was invited to coffee only - and that was the end it. Never to see them again. Hence my coffee shop theory!!!
Willy
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I did the coffee thing for a long time. I'm not sure if I had this story here before? I think it was the newspaper ad? I had moved here that year and looking for meeting people, if for nothing else just for friendship. Talked to this girl who faxed over her photo? (dark, shaded) I wanted to meet after work (like 5:30) at this place that I knew was happening (lounge type, also had good food). She said she was "Petite". I figured if we met at 5:30 pm I still had time to have dinner after or stay at the place if the other women looked good? Well she kept delaying the time calling saying make it 6:60 then 7:30? She gets there as I was sitting at the patio bar waiting (and hungry). I buy her a drink and she starts with "I haven't eaten, I need to have something to eat" I'm hungry so I say lets go eat. At this time I see her description of "Petite" is not correct. 5'-2" tall and wide? We have dinner and drinks, I walk her to her car and she says she doesn't think this will work out? Besides not offering anything? I agreed but had to tell her the truth and let her know the meaning of Petite. Had to get my monies worth. :icon_cheesygrin:
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These are great stories, I am enjoying them so much, Vince, Reg your both good story tellers. I would like to hear more. Got a few myself, but can't write like you two can.
I dated a gal from the web one time, we had dinner at a very nice place and after dinner, I was wondering what to do, but thought hell let's go to the indian casino in Phoenix and bust a roll of quarters in the machines. Well we got to the casino (in her truck) and she sat at a one armed bandit while I went to play Keno. the place was so crowded that there wasn't a one armed bandit avalible anywhere for me, that's why I played Keno. Besides I win at Kino, but slowely, and it was the only place I could sit next to her. I was loosing at that damn game (crap) with my proven Playing method. And all was going well, until her machine lites up like the forth of July. She had won a double diamond jackpot of 400 bucks. After they paid her off, she was nice enough to give me half, because I had given her a roll of quarters to play with.
We got out of there fast with the loot and drove back to my truck. I got a kiss and that was all, the next week I ask her out to las Vegas for the weekend. However, she was playing the field and had a guy with a boat she was going to go bass fishing with and that was that.
So, the way I look at it, Dinner 50 bucks, casino 20 bucks, winnings about 130 bucks, so all in all not a bad date, however I didn't get the girl and thats what I wanted in the first place, as she was a looker. Oh well you get let down sometimes...
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Okay, I am back. Vision is much better now. There was this girl I meet ok OKCupid about a year ago (OKCupid is this social network/dating site) and she was really nice. We had a few dates and everything was normal and I invited her over for dinner at my home. We had dinner (cooked by myself) of Chinese food. Then watched a movie (Nikita which she picked up) and cuddled, it was good. Afterwards we had a few coffees and started the frisky businesses.
Except she had this odd thing and would start everything with 'oh daddy' when we were being frisky. It was like 'oh daddy, that feels good' or 'oh daddy, little more'... I couldn't get that out of my head and it didn't end well.
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Sorry to hear about so much misfortune ... I think I got luckier. I searched on Meetic and Match.com locally in France 6 months after divorce, and my first real date became my girlfriend for over 18 months and we almost got married, she was Chinese, the reason I'm here now, I guess I got culturally addicted.
I did have some bad online encounters, especially the ones without profile photos (those sites are free for women). One of them tells me she has a very public job and can't put her picture online, yet she wrote beautifully and in an indirect way she led me to believe that she was an actress and quite attractive. Then one day, she sends me her pictures, about has wide as high, bad taste, fake blonde ... and she tells me the public job is working in her local unemployment office ... waste of time, but luckily only that.
But my ex girlfriend was another cup of tea, I'm glad I met her because I think I had never been so close to true love as with her, pity our agenda's did not match.
Frank
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i was always curious as to why people would describe a
totaly different person online than the one you meet.
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Ted
I asked that very same question of both the ladies and their Agencies after going to China and meeting several women who were NOT as portrayed either in their Agency photos or their personality and characters.....largely due to Translator "fluff"
Here is the "standard" answer I got......
"It does not matter about appearance, once you get to know this Woman you will realise she is a very nice Lady and will be just right for you...just give it some time and get to know her...you will see we are correct "
My response was along the lines of "What happened to truth, honesty and trust...how can such a deception be the basis of a relationship in the future with such a dishonest beginning"
The only reply was an embarrased smile and offers to find other Ladies !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Go figure :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
David
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you put them on the spot and they didnt know what to do other than
offer more ladies
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Yes same for me, I was questioned about my unhappy recent experience and why it failed. When I explained that the thing that attracted me most was the tone of the letters for which the translator was responsible, she simply apologized profusely ...
Frank
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Yes same for me, I was questioned about my unhappy recent experience and why it failed. When I explained that the thing that attracted me most was the tone of the letters for which the translator was responsible, she simply apologized profusely ...
Frank
So why not date the translator?
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Martin, I would have, she's on Chnlove with her own profile too. But she's already "seeing" someone else and a bit young for me. But I better not, she's introducing one of her friends to me, the other girl is an agency customer. And as I'm writing this, I realize the one lady that stands out now is even younger :s
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Hey Viep,
Get them while their young, two for a dollar today.
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are they from guangzhou Frank? maybe when your here we
could go visit the agency to see whats up and what type of
people are running it
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Ted, this agency is in Shenzhen, but I am writing to a lady in Guangzhou, Daniel International Marriage, we could check them out hehe. They seem to be ok so far. But I think most agencies will be closed the week starting on the 15th, so it might be hard to get to see them. I am planning to be in Shenzhen from Feb 6th until Feb 12th or so, although that's still in the air ...
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well we can give it a try find out were they are located
and we will go there or maybe ronan and i could go there
if your time doesnt permit he will be here till march, they
might be closed 2/14 to 2/21
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Ok I'll ask for their address...
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Yes same for me, I was questioned about my unhappy recent experience and why it failed. When I explained that the thing that attracted me most was the tone of the letters for which the translator was responsible, she simply apologized profusely ...
Frank
So why not date the translator?
That's what I did.
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maybe the translator wanted it to happen?? after reading what you wrote