China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Newbies Corner => Topic started by: stratus27 on March 08, 2010, 03:22:42 pm
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Hi, I'm new here and I'm pretty sure this has been covered numerous times so perhaps someone can direct me to the correct thread. but I've recently registered at chnlove.com and i've gotten a few messages, but I decided to be proactive and sent out a few cupid notes. out of the few i sent out i got one reply. We've exchanged a few messages back and forth now and she seems to be responding to my questions and her profile doesn't seem to have any doctored photos. also the ones she has sent me have her using a cellphone camera. But I've done some searching on this site and a few flags have gone up. One being that she is from Guangzhou Xinxin Marriage Introduction Agency, and i guess they are known for scams? and i've read peoples experiences, there are a lot of mixed messages going on. So I guess I'm just asking what some of your opinions are....trying to get a different perspective.
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I've never heard any bad stories about that agency, maybe I missed something? Please be more specific, you seem to have some positive flags - real, undoctored photos and she's answering your questions. In my experience, if you're looking for a scam, you're bound to find it.
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So I guess I'm just asking what some of your opinions are....trying to get a different perspective.
Stratus
I agree with Neil. If you are looking for problems - they are bound to find you. Yes, please tell us exactly why you feel there maybe an issue. Then we can share our thoughts with you.
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Stratus...
My opinion,
You are in the early days of your relationship, not enough info. or time yet to know whether she is real or not.
If she (the translator ??) is answering your questions, and you have got "genuine" photos from her cell-phone...then you are going OK so far :icon_cheesygrin::icon_cheesygrin:
At some point in the near future, when you want to move this relationship along, it would be wise to make the attempt to get on to a one-to-one with her and cut out the Agency influence.
At about this time you will get a better reading as to whether it is all genuine or not.
There will likely be some resistance from the Agency...but that is normal, they dont want to lose EMF revenue...but if you persist, they will eventually let you communicate via her Agency email address.
It's the next step that is more difficult....face to face on QQ or similar. She may not have a home computer, so she may need to go to the Agency for such a meeting. There are instances where women go to these QQ sessions at the Agency as "plants" and I guess you just gotta "suck it and see".
But in our experience, there does not seem to be a more logical or successful way to progress your relationship, unless you want to jump on a plane and go and see for yourself if she is genuine or not...and that is a very high risk strategy ( and high cost too !!)......but it is a sure way to get to the truth !!!!!
DavidE
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I've never heard any bad stories about that agency, maybe I missed something? Please be more specific, you seem to have some positive flags - real, undoctored photos and she's answering your questions. In my experience, if you're looking for a scam, you're bound to find it.
true, i'm just trying to be cautious and I'm hoping people could share some of their experiences/opinions. I don't want to get my hopes up, and then only to have them crushed. Not to mention the amount of cash I'll be shelling out.
This is the thread I was referring to. Guangzhou Xinxin Marriage Introduction Agency (http://www.chnlove.info/showthread.php?tid=1972&highlight=Guangzhou+Xinxin+Marriage+Introduction+Agency)
Thanks for the advice it is much appreciated.
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Stratus,
Welcome to the site. I'm pretty new here as well, relatively speaking. But I can tell you that you couldn't have found a better place to get advice and some inside views about what you'll be dealing with, whether you remain at chnlove or go outside to some of the other sites you can meet these ladies at. You'll find a lot of divergent views, which represent the equally diverse experiences of the members here.
The brotherhood here has been a big help to me so far, even when they felt the need to slap me around a bit, lol. You CAN meet real ladies through chnlove, as many of the members here who have met and married ladies through there can (and will) tell you. You can also get scammed by agencies and translators, as others here will attest. Just ask questions, and read what's already in the archives, and trust your instincts as well once you learn some of what to look out for. And you'll find the guys here always willing to answer your questions as a newby, even if they've already answered them for others many times before. I can't say enough about these guys, from my own experience here so far.
My small piece of advice would be to ask your lady how she receives and responds to your letters. that will give you some clue about how much of her personalty is coming through in the letters. If you are getting answers to your questions, that's a good sign, although not definitive. Real pics are also good. Getting to personal, direct contact is important though, as has already been mentioned here by David E.
Also, I've come to suspect that some of the bad experiences some have had with certain agencies might be representative of the ladies themselves more than the agencies. Some are far more serious about this than others, it seems. Some just let the agencies respond to your letters. Most get contacted by phone about your letters, and will have them read to them over the phone, and respond the same way. Many live quite a distance from the agency they are using, so this is a logical way for them to function, especially since it seems to be a small percentage that have personal access to a computer and the internet.
For myself, I was lucky to find this place before I started writing anyone, so I was able to get some insights on how to get started and what to watch out for. I put a lot of this down on the 'Baby steps' thread on this newbies forum. I am far from being an expert here, just still a newbie myself, and the very best advice I can give is to do what you're doing-ask the brothers here your questions, and glean as much as you can from them, because there is a WEALTH of experiences here it would be foolish not to take advantage of if you're serious about doing this.
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Stratus,
so far it seems to be going well with your lady youre writing. you say she is responding to
your questions,you have undoctored photos,and that her responses seem genuine, well at
this point that is a very good start. now you have to ask yourself- do i want to continue-
as you only know what has been said so far and if your answer is yes then continue.
cautious is good but im afraid if your to cautious then you dont stand a chance of being
successful. i would continue with her if you really like her and see were the road will lead.
also keep in mind it will take some money to get to the final point-- marriage-
and also there is a lot of money to be spent bringing her to the USA. so this
will not be a cheap experience. i am married, live in Guangzhou and would not
trade it for anything. this is a really wonderful experiennce when you find your lady
and marry.
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Stratus27 i'm going to have to go with the other guys on this.It is way to early in your relationship with the lady.To tell if your being scammed.For now you just need to keep moving this foward.Get the lady comfortable.Writing to you.Then do what the other guys suggested.Web cams phone calls.
We do come down real hard on the agencies in this forum.With Good Reason.We think there buissnes practices arn't up to the standerds we think they should be.We put the negitive in.Just so new members like yourself can be aware.There might be a problem.It was never intended to make any member paranoid.
That being said 99% of the married members here.Have met there wives threw Chnlove.The founding members of this forum all were on Chnlove at the same time.We got tired of are questions not being posted.Or are answers taking 3 days to be posted.If at all.So here we are.
If you look hard enough threw this forum.You can find posts.That say something nasty.About all of the agencies.So you just need to read and read some more.And go at this with your head up and your eyes wide open.
Maxx
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stratus27, Welcome to the Forum. I suggest you re-read that post about Guangzhou Xinxin Marriage Introduction Agency. The lady wasn't interested and they gave a response to him about it. If they were scamming him they would have lead him on and continued the EMF's. It was actually a good thing they did.
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About Xinxin :
I had wasted a few EMFs back & forth with a profile which I suspect is fake. Photos seemed to be different people, reluctance to move to direct contact, too frequent EMFs from her talking nothing new or important, etc. Just go with eyes open.
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wow thanks guys this certainly has helped a lot!
I suppose the whole English: Fair as oppose to Learning doesn't really mean anything does it?
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stratus27,
Hi and welcome. The english : fair is supposed to mean that she has a fair abillity at the english language. So she should not be opposed to talking to you on the phone or she could e-mail you from a personal e-mail address in english. In otherwords she has no excuse to your request for a more personal contact, if you decide to have one. I would say to keep going with her if you like her and get to more personal contact with her.
Dave C
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Just one point. Speaking English and writing it are two different things. Fair English usually means they have a few spoken words but may be reluctant to use them until she knows you better. Not everyone is brimming with confidence when it comes to speaking another language which they have not had much practise with. You think the Chinese have a lot of dialects - just listen to English being spoken in USA, Canada, Britain, Australia, South Africa there must be hundreds or even thousands of different dialects and accents. She has to listen to you speaking - slowly - for a while before she will even understand part of what you say. Even those with good English have difficulty in understanding everything but in politeness nodded their heads.
Teds wife says she does not understand everything I say and her Englsih is very good. (But then Ted knows I speak a lot of B-------ks at times.)
To follow on from this even if the women knows more than a few words that does not mean that she can write them. I have learn't a lot of Chinese spoken words in the time I have been here but cannot read or write more than half a dozen.
The answer is patience - when she has confidence in her ability and confidence in you then things will flow naturally. Too often men get upset because they do not communicate as a couple would in their own countries.
But boy when my wife is able to read English am I in trouble if she ever gets to this forum!!!:icon_cheesygrin:
Willy
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dont worry Willy i will print the posts for Angel to read when you two
make the next trip to GZ, she can take back and read to you and you
can tell her what it means.
no need to thank me just always willing to help :icon_cheesygrin:
Ted
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dont worry Willy i will print the posts for Angel to read when you two
make the next trip to GZ, she can take back and read to you and you
can tell her what it means.
no need to thank me just always willing to help :icon_cheesygrin:
Ted
Gee thanks Ted. What would I do without you!!:angel:
Willy
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I'd second what Willy said about language - my previous lady's English was chnlove rating:Fair. Her spoken English was OK (maybe same as my French after studying it in school for years), but her written English was pretty hatstand :icon_cheesygrin:. With other ladies it is sometimes the other way round.
I did find her written English very funny though!
Some people are much better at learning languages than others. I'm not that great. My previous lady was very good indeed.
Sadly our Chinese ladies may never get very good at writing English. Our Chinese teacher has been in the UK for years yet her written English can best be described by this emoticon -> :dodgy:.
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Another point to consider about the chnlove language rating system, learning means just that. It does not mean they are learning right now however. I have seen some complain that their lady has had a profile for years, and if she has been learning all that time, she should be able to speak English pretty well. But like I said, it does not mean that she is learning to speak English at this moment. Like my wife, who had a profile up for 4 years, it means she started to actually study English after I met her here.
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thats true Martin and if they are learning they do have a
hard time using it as they usually dont have anyone to talk
with as they learn. and the schools here are really not that
good at teaching them anything other than single words from
what i have seen going to them and seeing the operation. my wife
learned thru reading and watching movies and shows and it took her
about 10 years to get to her level that she is at now which is very good
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If you insist on having direct contact and it looks like you and the lady may get a lot closer then they are more likely to pass you the direct details. They will replace reading your emfs with regular cell phone calls to your chosen lady to see how you are doing together. This is really not out of interest it is just to keep a check on you both.
By that time they may realise that there is a good chance that the loss of a few hundred rmb in emf fees will be more than out weighed by them claiming the tens of thousands or rmb as a success fee that a lady has signed up to pay.
Willy
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Well I am "learning" Mandarin but it doesn't mean I'm any good lol :huh:.
I got direct MSN/Skype contact with my lady 1.0 pretty quickly, although communicating about important things (travel plans etc.) was tricky so I still used to send an EMF every week or so.
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Thank you all for your information. I read from someone from this site whoes name escapes me ATM, but he recomended opening dialog with the translator, and so far it's worked out really well. Still no direct contact info yet, she said that she doesn't have an email yet and is too busy. Or something like that. I don't know I think so stuff still gets lost in translation. Any ways from what I hear from just reading all your comments this seems pretty legit. So thanks again. And now to get my friends wife to teach me Chinese...
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Stratus , my Wife and I have alway's been in Contact seperately ( either Yahoo Messenger or MSN ) with our Translator , this build a very good relationship with her and there was no reason for any dought on being scamed . We have also met her in GZ , while there for the interview ... would not want to miss that chance . Just yesterday , she send us a note on MSN , that she too is getting married next month to an English Man .
I have mentioned before , if any Lady's english is good enough to read ( my Wife reads a lot better than speaking english ) ... have her tell the Translator to send your Letter directly to her and she will then answer it in chinese and send it back to the Translator who will send it to you in English . This way your Lady will get all of your Letter and she will answer accordingly and leave very little room for add on's ( sugar from the Translator ) . This made our writing foolproof .
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Not to mention Arnold, it helps her get used to using an online translator, and after a few uses, she will understand about translation errors. The transition to direct communication can be a real shocker for both parties.
I keep hearing about how Google is leading the translation software field by leaps and bounds. Everyone seems to gush about how well they are able to translate, but it is still far from perfect. I look forward to the day of the universal translator.
Or the Babelfish:
Arthur Dent finds himself in a Vogon spacecraft. Their voices are not exactly music to the human ear.
"You'll need to have this fish in your ear."
"I beg your pardon?" asked Arthur.
Ford (Prefect) was holding up a small glass jar which quite clearly had a small yellow fish wriggling around in it…He gasped in terror at what sounded like a man trying to gargle while fighting off a pack of wolves.
Once he had the Babel Fish in his ear, Arthur understood perfectly. The Babel Fish lives on brainwave radiation from every source but its host. It then excretes energy in the form of exactly the correct brainwaves needed by its host to understand what was just said.
The Babel Fish reverses the problem defined by its namesake; the original Tower of Babel (according to the Bible) inspired the Deity to confuse human beings by making them unable to understand each other.
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Not to mention Arnold, it helps her get used to using an online translator, and after a few uses, she will understand about translation errors. The transition to direct communication can be a real shocker for both parties.
I keep hearing about how Google is leading the translation software field by leaps and bounds. Everyone seems to gush about how well they are able to translate, but it is still far from perfect. I look forward to the day of the universal translator.
Yeah...the online translators certainly leave a lot to be desired. It is a really good idea to double check the translation...although this can be really time consuming.
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i think if you utilize both it would help in the process