China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Newbies Corner => Topic started by: Terryg on March 18, 2010, 06:39:15 pm
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Hi everybody. Just want to let you know I am not a newbie on chnl. I have to blow off some steam before I do something really really serious.... I thought I had found the right one. We talked for about 3 months and things seemed to be going ok. Well,, I just received a letter and in it she tells me she has been married for a couple of weeks. Now if that isn't a kick in the head. Now all I want to do to go beat the hell out of something to relieve the anger... Hmm,, I was hoping this would help but I am still pissed as hell. Well I think I will go find a punching bag and beat on it or maybe I should just go get drunk..
Have fun.
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Terryg ,
Sorry to hear your short story.
You haven't given much imformation to comment on here, like was it a western guy she married?? If it was, then the agency has a whole lot of explaining to do!!!!
David....
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She did not say and I was not going to ask. I read that and figured thats it. She did say she did not want to lose me but I can not see a relationship with a married woman from any country going anywhere. I did send a short letter to her, I did not tell her what I wanted to. I just said, you got married and did not even bother telling me..She sent it from chnlove, so if the translator really screwed up I will have a lot of apologizing to do. But I doubt they would screw the pooch that bad.
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Ouch...Sorry to hear that mate.....:huh::huh:
There is no doubt in my mind....I would be blowing a fuse...!!!!:@
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Well Terry , when you ask your Lady about being married now , what did she answer with ? If she didn't deny it .. then it must be so . Agencies do send the wrong letter to the wrong Person sometimes , this has happened before . What I would do , is contact the Agency or through Chnlove directly and state what's being going on between you two . Somebody should have an explaination of some kind for you to settle this . Take the 24 Hour Rule and cool off some and then write a nice letter to Chnlove or the Agency through EMF . See what comes of it and take it from there . But do have a few Beer's and relax , it may all be a mistake . If not finish the case .
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Terryg,
If it was a western guy, then the agency would have been fully aware of what was going on. In which case i would at the very least contact CHNL and ask for ALL your credits to be re-embursed to your account.
Any marriage to a westerner will take a fair bit of time to organise/arrange, so it wouldn't have been surprise news for the agency, especially if your ex lady relied on the translator to communicate in English....
I for one, ...would certainly want to know what the hells been going on for 3 months behind my back!!!
David.....
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I would take 24 hours and then write to get the whole story and
based on that request a refund of my credits. Also if her english or
the translator screwed up did she mean that for a couple of weeks
she wanted to tell you she IS STILL MARRIED and hasnt divorced her
chinese husband yet??? there are quite a few women in China who are
married but do not see or have contact with the exes so i would get
more details before i overreact thinking the worst
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Ted,
According to CHNL own rules, The ladies on there website have to prove they are single, widowed, or divorced. They guarantee that these women have proved to the agency there marital status ( ie ...Free) So that explanation should never occur....and another reason to claim the emf credits back from CHNL....
David........
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Hey you guys need to slow down a little bit.Like Arnold and Ted said.It could be a number of things.My guess is that the translator sent the wrong person the letter.We have seen it before.Why not this time?Or it may have just ben bad translation.Some of these translators.These agencies employ.Really are just learning English.Lets not hang the woman until we are sure.
Terry write to customer care see what they have to say.If you have direct contact with the lady or the translator.Contact them.There is no reason to send the lady a nasty Emf yet.
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correct Maxx everyone needs to slow down here and get more facts
and before you start screaming at the agency maybe she didnt tell
the agency she was married. you know as i do Maxx that in China it takes about
2 hours to get divorced so maybe she was waiting for the right man to come along
and then divorce her ex. then again it might be just the wrong letter sent to the
wrong guy.
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Ted,
Surely, ....whether the translator got it wrong, by sending a letter to the wrong man, miss- interpreted, or the original meaning, ....Warrants a Screaming at the agency?? The first two situations is a total neglect of there service, and the last, ..tantamount to freud on there part!!
Whatever way you look at it, the agencies service has failed....
David....
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David,
sure somewere here there is a problem whichever way it goes
but i dont think hostility will get you anywere. thats a poor
approach to get your message across as it just inspires
retalliation by the other party. a calm approach is always the
best approach to a problem
Ted
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Ted,
I don't think i stated anything that could be construed as being hostile. No-matter what ever action anyone needs to take in these situations, should be conducted in calm, respectful but determined manner...
Mind you, ....i am in one of those argumentative moods tonight!!! It happens from time to time, forgive me, I'll be fine tomorrow, ...honest!!!...hahaha!!
David....
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If it is correct and the lady is married then are the agency to blame? When she signed up with them she was probably free to marry.
Maybe the agency did not know that she had gone and got married! Maybe she has just gone to the agency and confessed. Maybe the translators has got it wrong and sent the wrong message out.
Too many maybe's here. Problem is that many agencies do not remove ladies profiles from their listings when they do marry.
If in the end we find that she has married then maybe it will be an idea to put her details on here as being married and no point in wasting EMF's to her. We have in the past had a few scammers details put on here so why not these.
Out of interest I know of one real case here where a couple saved tens of thousands of rmb on an angency success fee as the woman was in fact still married. Parted as far as agency was concerned, her contract with agency was cancelled, she went and got a divorce and they are now married and debt free.
Willy
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david i was refering to 'warrants screaming at the agency' which
will not get you anywere with these agencies hell its hard enough
to ask nice and get a correct answer
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If it is correct and the lady is married then are the agency to blame? When she signed up with them she was probably free to marry.
Maybe the agency did not know that she had gone and got married! Maybe she has just gone to the agency and confessed. Maybe the translators has got it wrong and sent the wrong message out.
Too many maybe's here. Problem is that many agencies do not remove ladies profiles from their listings when they do marry.
If in the end we find that she has married then maybe it will be an idea to put her details on here as being married and no point in wasting EMF's to her. We have in the past had a few scammers details put on here so why not these.
Out of interest I know of one real case here where a couple saved tens of thousands of rmb on an angency success fee as the woman was in fact still married. Parted as far as agency was concerned, her contract with agency was cancelled, she went and got a divorce and they are now married and debt free.
Willy
Ok. I have been drinking quite a bit tonight bit here is what she told me in earlier letters. at lest what I can remember now. her last boyfriend was about 2000 or 2003, so when we started writing she was single. So that means she was single. She worked at a newspaper in hong kong. Brother in guangzhou. mother in zian, that is the basics, no mention of boyfriend if he was chinese or western. She also never mentioned a husband or ex but she did talk about a friend she usually went to eat with. I suppose i will know tomorrow if she writes back. And no I did not write anything real bad. just how disappointed I felt at not being told. thank god for spell checker. And as I said before if i am wrong I will be in the dog house..But I will wait till tomorrow before I write to chnlove.
Oh arnold not a case...Liter of absinth:icon_cheesygrin:
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Terryg,
First off, welcome to the Forum.
Sorry to hear about your situation. We all hope that it's just a misunderstanding of communication.
I suspect that she got match in marriage based on the facts that you stated ... 1) her last boyfriend was either 2000/2003 ... [ thus there's marriage pressure from her family ] ... 2) she's been married for a couple of weeks now & she wants to remain friends.
I also suspect that her family doesn't know that she's on ChnLove or that the agency had anything to do with her marriage. I'M ONLY GUESSING !!!
Hope it works out for you. Either way, this Forum is a support group ... abeit with so many opinions. Stay Cool ... stay away from the booze. If the worse news comes out, chalk it up to experience ... take time off and get back on the saddle.
All The Best.
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Hi Terry,
Sorry to read of your problems. Read my thread - you're not the only one with problems. It happens. Our lives are more important than our relationships.
In my case I suspect the agency found out there was something wrong with my lady - they actually deleted her from chnlove completely. That's strange because you'd have thought they would have hung around to get some big wodge of cash from me.
By all means complain to chnlove - I found them pretty good when I emailed them. I didn't get a response from the agency though, and as their contract is with the lady I guess they're under no obligation to tell us anything.
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Well I got it figured out, And guess what I have to do..................................APOLOGIZE x 1000 times..I am just glad that I did not say anything really bad. The translator misprinted. it was supposed to be worried not married.. My lady sent me a mail last night wondering why I was saying she had gotten married. So I told her what the letter said and she contacted the agency and translator. Once she told me what happened I wrote a letter to her and did some serious apologizing, The translator also wrote me apologizing to me so all is good again....I hope... Once I figure out how to post a pic I will let you single guys drool a bit :icon_cool:
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Ahhhh ... just as it was about to get interesting .. the dust settle's . :-/
Terry , glad you cleared that up and if needed .. we can all send our apologies to your Lady ... one at a time .:blush::blush::blush:
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Arnold,
Apologise, apologise for what?? I Just re-read the posts on this thread, no-one has written anything detrimental towards this lady!!
All that was posted was based on the writers original post. Comments were based around the big (IF) as nobody knew what was going on....
David....
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I meant apologizing to my lady. sorry for the confusion David5o
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Terryg,
I totally understood your last post Terry, i was referring to Arnold's post!! haha!!
Just glad everything turned out for the good in the end for you.... And also pleased to hear that the translator apologised to you, that was a hell of a mistake on her/his part. Perhaps they will realise how important it is to be accurate and take more care in there translations from now on....
David.....
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David , didn't Terry say he had to apologize to his Lady . We don't know what he said .. that he feels he owe her a 1000 apologies ? I only suggested to help back him up in front of his Lady . I never meant to do that to the Agency or Chnlove . They should slowly get their S**t together and eliminate those sometimes very costly mistakes .
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Why should you have to apologize ? The translator was the one who screwed up major.
IMHO, I wouldn't trust that translator again. Now's a good time to ask for her personal email address / QQ number. You can still use EMFs but have a backup plan to contact her directly. The agency owes you that privilege.
All the best.
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Terry I think Chong has the right idea here.(For a wannabe Chinesed Jinadian he gets it right.About once every three months.)If it was me I would work the translator over hard.To get your ladies direct contact information.Like Chonger said that is the least they owe you.
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I would hit the agency up for everything I could get from them. They may do nothing but at least you now have something to hook them with. You have the translator by the short hairs. Use it. The least they should do is give you a free webcam visit to make sure everything is straightened out. Then you can be forgiving and be the big man. You dont get many chances like this. Use it.
Jim
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Terry,
As Chong suggested, go all out to acquire your ladies email address and QQ/ Yahoo/MSN messenger account information. If her English isn't too good, i'd ask for her agency controlled email address, This acts in exactly the same way as EMF's operate, except your not paying any credits for it's use...
Lay it on thick, that you almost ended your communication with your lady over this misinterpretation, and you don't want any chance for this to ever happen again!!
Best of luck in your endevours to make the most out of this windfall!! ...lol!!
David......
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In my case I suspect the agency found out there was something wrong with my lady - they actually deleted her from chnlove completely. That's strange because you'd have thought they would have hung around to get some big wodge of cash from me.
The one thing the agency is really frightened of is not us!! It is the law in China. As many of us know the vast majority of the agencies do not have the approriate licence to introduce Chinese mationals to Foreigners.
Oh yes we know that they can skip around that law but China is hot on any proven fraud. The want to prove to the world that they are hard on offenders. Purporting that a women is free to marry when they know she is not, is a fraud. The agencies run sacred of that - I know as I have personal experience of it - to my benefit.
Willy
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Terry,
well its nice to see that it worked out, but as Maxx has said Chong has gotten to his 3
month mark and has the right idea hahahaha get ALL of her personal info and ELIMINATE
the translator. now is the time to do it as you 2 have been writing now for a long time. then
you can really get to know each other first hand and not second hand. what agency was it
that had this translator do it?? as far as the pics that would be great but think i can attest
to all the men here who have wives and or girlfriends we wouldnt be interested in how she looks
as we have found the one for us. and those of us married have found the best. but i am glad to
hear that you feel that way about yours as that will be felt by her in your actions and expressions
and to a good chinese lady that means more than all the money in the world.they just really want
someone to LOVE,RESPECT them as an equal and not like they are a second fiddle.
best wishes for the future with you lady
Ted (china ambassador) for the forum:icon_cheesygrin:
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Hello Terry,
Just read this and Chong is right! You need to take advantage of the tiny translation error or should I say huge one? Do what you can do to get direct contact...this way if there is a misunderstanding then you know who to blame! If your planning a trip to China anytime in the near future you will want direct contact before you go(you can read about many misfortunes here about people not doing this!) Good luck!!!
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Well, right now I am just waiting for my replies. I sent a message to the agency and translator stating that I would like her personal information. I already have her postal address and I have asked her for her phone and e-mail. She says she doesn't have a computer at home. From what she has told me she uses a internet cafe. So now I just have to wait.
Oh and her agency is SZ Oriental love Consulting
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well at least your taking the steps to obtaim them and you will
see it is for the better even with translation problems
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I say we pay Willy to go over there and EGG the translator....:icon_cheesygrin:
Sorry to here about your problem with the translator. The best way is to e-mail directly and leave the agency's out of it. If she don't speak or write english, then you need
to buy a translator machine and keep up with her. If you have to wait a little for her to get to the computer cafe, it's better than not hearing from her at all and lousy translators, who
ruin your dreams.
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This is the same agency I met my wife through. I met the owner last year. Who is your translator? I had no problems getting contact information.
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I find that not understanding something between myself and my wife is never any problem. My problems only start when on the odd occasions she does understand exactly what I say!!!!
Willy
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Something that needs to be kept in mind...
In relationships like the ones we are pursuing, everyone here needs to remember one thing. There will be misunderstandings, even for those who are fluent in english. If something seems strange, stop and ask. Remember what you think a word means isn't necessarily the same as what she thinks it means. And the few seconds it takes to clarify something is worth more than the time it takes to patch up the relationship.
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Thanks for all the good advice.
Martin, the translators name is Sunny. I have talked to her a little bit, I occasionally leave a small note for her at the end of my letters. She seems to genuinely want to help.
Well Willy from what I have read on here, You shouldn't get into too many problems then as nobody here understands you. So you should be safe from the wife :angel:
One thing I have noticed is that after the mistranslation is that the tone of the letters is different. It seems like she has opened up about herself more and is happier. Before her letters would give information with a little bit of humor and now there is more humor in her letters. As an example. In my last letter I had told her she could consider this our first fight. I said it in humor and man if she was laughing as hard as her letter made it sound,I am surprised she could even type. I also took some advice on asking her if she had told her family. She said that she was visiting her brother and she had told him. She said that he was happy for her, but had some concerns and he would like to have me come to his home for dinner. I take that as a good sign. But she has not told her mother, that is the one that worries me. I do not have to worry about a father as hers is deceased.
I do have other concerns but those are based more on not having met her face to face yet. The worst thing is I have to wait till next winter to go, I work road construction. I have mentioned this to her a few times. I have also told her that I will also be gone a lot but that I will try to send postcards from the places I have been and that I will write her every time I am home. Now that I finally got her to give me her phone number I can call her. Since I go to work about the time she gets home form work.
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Terryg,
WOW!! Next winter is a long way off, no chance of getting over there any earlier mate ??. I'd suggest you try and stay in contact with her as much as possible while your away working then.....
There has to be Internet cafe's near to wherever your working surely?? Even if you can get to one of them twice a week while your away, it would be something, and let her know your serious about her and your relationship...
You talk about phone calls, does she have some English that you can chat with?? If so, nothing to stop you getting one of these cheap call rate cards and call her once in a while while your away too.. Or even send text/sms messages to her!!
By the way, she may not have a computer at home, but she may have access to one at work, if she works in an office inviroment or such!!
What sort of age range is she in Terry, is she single (never been married) or divorced ??
I ask, because it helps with any advise that the Bros here can give you. There can be (and normally is) a BIG difference between the younger single ladies and the slightly older divorced Chinese ladies....
David
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Terryg,
WOW!! Next winter is a long way off, no chance of getting over there any earlier mate ??. I'd suggest you try and stay in contact with her as much as possible while your away working then.....
There has to be Internet cafe's near to wherever your working surely?? Even if you can get to one of them twice a week while your away, it would be something, and let her know your serious about her and your relationship...
You talk about phone calls, does she have some English that you can chat with?? If so, nothing to stop you getting one of these cheap call rate cards and call her once in a while while your away too.. Or even send text/sms messages to her!!
By the way, she may not have a computer at home, but she may have access to one at work, if she works in an office inviroment or such!!
What sort of age range is she in Terry, is she single (never been married) or divorced ??
I ask, because it helps with any advise that the Bros here can give you. There can be (and normally is) a BIG difference between the younger single ladies and the slightly older divorced Chinese ladies....
David
Sure you just want to know so you can steal her from me :icon_cheesygrin:
Well she is 35 yrs old, never been married, she works as an editor at a newspaper in Hong Kong,The Hong Kong Commercial Daily if I remember correctly. As to being in contact during the week, A lot of the towns I usually work in are small and my hours are usually a real mess. I start around 6 am and get done about 9 or 10 at night. I am a truck driver for a road const. company. She won't tell me how good her english is. So it is either better than mine or she can not speak it at all, I will find out when I call her. I am going to get her e-mail before I get back to work, that way when I do find a computer or buy a laptop and one of those cell deals.I can bother her constantly then.:angel: I am not worried about the phone as I have a tracphone and from what I read in the manual, I can call china with it. I will find out for sure when I call her. I know I have a long wait before I can see her, as I have said before, I have talked to her about it, she is fine with that, not happy but she understands that. I also told her that when I do get there I am planning on staying anywhere from 2 weeks to 2 months, depends on how much I get saved up over the summer. I would have gone this winter, but we did not start talking until end of Jan. begining of Feb. so even if I had a passport, I would still have had to wait for a visa. All I know is that if I could have gone now, I would not be sitting here pining away.:dodgy:
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Terryg,
Not at all, i'm more than happy with what i have now, besides she's far too young for me. I wouldn't know what to do with a 35 year old after a month or so!! But i guess it would be a Fun month ...hahaha!!
Being on the road as a driver for that amount of hours wouldn't be allowed anywhere in the EU. Lorry drivers hours are very restricted for safety reasons here, as are there required break times....
Sounds like you have a lot of organising to do, ...lol!! I'd suggest the first thing to do, is get your passport sorted, and don't wait till the last minute before applying. We had one member here recently, that waited around 2 months or so before he had his passport in his hand....
So where do you stay when your away working, in lodgings, motels or temporary company accommodations?? ...none of them have internet connections?? If they do.... hurry up and get that notebook/laptop ..haha!! You can even get a dongle to plug into your new laptop where you can get on line using the cell phone network....
By the way, if you are going to visit your lady in Hong Kong, you don't need a visa, it's a ''SAR'' state....
Catch you later Terry, the boss is calling ....lol!!!
David....
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Terry,
Working in Hong Kong ... your lady's English should be fine for basic communication especially if she works for a newspaper. She should have friends capable to teach her more English or she can hire a student majoring in English at university to teach her more English. This person can also translate your personal emails to her thus relying less on Chnlove EMFs.
You'll have a great time in Hong Kong. Many people speak English ... it's an official language there. The city is relatively more expensive than the nearby mainland cities [ i.e. Shenzhen ] in terms of accommodation & dining though.
Though you don't need a VISA to visit HK, you'll want one anyways to visit the mainland especially if her mother & brother lives there.
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Chong,
It used to be a very simple and cheap exercise to get a visa from Hong Kong to the Mainland. Do you know if that's still the case?? If it is, he could apply for a tourist/visit visa during his stay in Hong Kong. As i remember, you applied one day, and went back the next, to pick it up!!
Everything may have changed now, but it may still be do-able!!!
Just thought, ..... that may of only applied to residents of HK with ID cards.....
David....
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Well david5o In the US, drivers are held to a 12 drive time(at least most of the time) but with all the waiting I do to either load or unload it can get to be some late nights. especially if I have to go a long distance and if I can get home I would rather go there than spend the money on a motel for the night. I usually stay at a motel the cheaper the better, so you can imagine some of the holes I have stayed at. I have already picked up my birth cert. and plan on getting my passport this coming week. I plan on getting a laptop when I get to work. I prefer buying things when I have the big money coming in.
She doesn't live in Hong Kong itself, she actually lives in Shenzhen. From what I understand from looking it up on the web is that the Commercial Daily is a all chinese paper, but I figure with all the expats that work in business there that she would have to converse in english. So I am going to try and talk to her on the phone (if she ever turns it on). I have tried 3 times this afternoon(here)/morning(there) and it has been off. But then the way this week has gone, it could be a translator messing with me or something. :s
Sometimes I am almost tempted to find out who from here is in shenzhen and have them check her out for me:s
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Yeah David, everything you mentioned is correct. My thought was for Terry to get his VISA while getting his passport in the USA. Now that we know that his lady lives in Shenzhen, he has no choice but to get it anyways.
Terry ... that's another benefit of this Forum. There are members that have their ladies living in Shenzhen. After finding a brother here that's willing to help, ask your lady if she minds meeting for lunch with the brother's lady. Then you can get a everyday life photo plus a feel of her personality.
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That sounds like a great Idea. I will have to do that, I am surprised that they don't have a Thread for that
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Don't let being a driver slow you down. I run long haul team expedited in Canada. We can drive 13 hours per shift here.
I talk to my wife daily by phone and msn. I use a BlackBerry and it works out great! Currently bombing down the road while I type this out.
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I would still have had to wait for a visa. All I know is that if I could have gone now, I would not be sitting here pining away.:dodgy:
Terry,
You can get a Visa in 4 days easy through Visa Express. It will cost a little more but not that much more than the initial outlay of cash.
It took me 2 months to get my passport, 1 week to get my visa, I didn't expedite the visa as I leave in :icon_cheesygrin: 10 days. :icon_cheesygrin:
Martin, that is a scary thought. Texting while driving a big truck. If I were caught doing that I would be fired. Congress is considering passing a law for CDL A and B drivers that would not only outlaw the use of cell phones and testing while driving but if you are caught doing it you loose you CDL license permanently.
Shaun
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Shaun,
I know Martin drives with a partner (driving 12-13 hours a day by one's self is dangerous), so I'm assuming his partner is driving while he's texting. :icon_cheesygrin: Martin wouldn't risk his livelyhood and life just for some text messages.
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I see drivers doing it all the time. I hope he does not. It is difficult for me to drive, talk on my cell, listen to the radio and shave all at the same time. Texting is just over the top. :icon_cheesygrin:
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It is difficult for me to drive, talk on my cell, listen to the radio and shave all at the same time. Texting is just over the top. :icon_cheesygrin:
I have seen it firsthand. Martin steers with his knees while texting messages. And this was on the Don Valley Parkway ... a busy Toronto freeway ... when we went to get his VISA.
Martin doesn't have any hair to shave but he does make tea while driving his ridge. :icon_cool:
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Well as long as nobody tells the DOT. There were times that I would actually put in 20hrs driving.:angel: But I was a lot younger and I am a bit of a nightowl. When the sun goes down i wake up and I when I go to sleep I toss and turn for an hour before falling asleep. Don't worry about me doing that now, usually by mid afternoon I need a nap .:-/
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Chong..you are giving away all my bad habits. I only told about the texting. I forgot about making tea!
When you are driving across Saskatchewan, what else is there to do? The highway doesn't have any turns for long periods. The worst that can happen is I drive across a wheat field!
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So, Martin, it is people like you that cause wheat shortages.
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Haha. I had never considered that!
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Hahaha you Guy's . Now when eating Wheat Cereal's .. I'll be checking for Tires marks or the Milk turning black .:@
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Martin,
i ate,drank coffee,typed on my qualcomm when i was running my truck
especially thru Nebraska i always said put it on cruise and take a nap thru Nebraska
all straight roads till the last 40 miles
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In my home state we just made it illegal to txt or even talk on a cell phone while driving. I got 3 warnings in the first day of enforcement for talking on my cell phone. I don't txt because I was at a convention last year and the guy sitting right next to me txted me to ask me a question. It aggravated me so much I have never used txt since. He was right next to me. He could have tapped me on the shoulder and asked me the question. Still irritates me just thinking about it.
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Hehe, Martin: are you not worried about the fines?
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Just use your Cell phone driving in UK - it can get you disqualified. They are angling public opinion against using them whilst driving as it worked well with making Drink Driving unacceptable in the 70's.
Camera everywhere now filming drivers. if a Lorry drivers is involved in serious accidents then they check the cell phone records against the vehicles tachograph.. If the phone was being used at the time of the accident then a custodial sentence is likely to result.
Willy