Shaun, I moved your post to here...I split it off of the original post that you were replying to.  This is great advice you are giving, and I want to see if I can pin this, so that others can always find it easily.

Hi All,

For me it was nearly 12 years. My first trip to China to meet my future bride April 2010. I was there 11 days because funds were tight and work was not open to me being gone for much longer than that. Fast forward my wife will soon have been her 3 years now and life is much better.

I am sure what I am about to say will need to be moved to another thread and Robertt you have me permission to do so but please don't change the content. Some of you may disagree with me, some can expand on what I am about to say.

I decided to write some things to consider regarding LTR with a foreign Asian woman before embarking on a magnificent journey. This is not intended to scare you off but to enlighten you a little.  This post wont begin to cover all of the possible issues, and believe me there will be issues.

1. Make sure you are financially stable enough to take the adventure of a lifetime. Like many others I was not. For me the desire to work and better myself has never been a problem and fortunately I was able to overcome my financial issues. I recently told a young man who saw my wife and our relationship and wanted one for himself. I explained to the young man that they didn't need to come to America to marry a bum, there are plenty in China.

2. Study the culture you are reaching into to find a wife. After 13 years of marriage I am still finding cultural differences I never realized. Some good, some not so good. Notice I said not so good, I didn't say bad or wrong but there might be some not acceptable to you.  It will save a few angry moments because you stepped into the middle of something you had no clue about.

3. Wise up when searching dating sites online. This is where you can potentially get ripped off if you are unaware. First many of the sites are there only to make money first, relationships second if at all. I lost money on one site talking with a woman or rather I thought I was talking with her but in actuality I was speaking with a person that worked for the dating site and each exchange of communication cost money. For all I know it could have been an old man making money. It was also difficult to arrange a video chat with the woman. The pictures of her were great but when we finally met in the video she was far from the beautiful woman in the pictures. Get on a video chat with her ASAP. We used WeChat. Still do for a quick translate. My first trip to China to meet my future wife I met a woman who lived across the hall from my wife that supported herself and her parents by working full time fleecing westerners and lived quite well.  Shen never intended to find a man. Don't let the above paragraph scare you off. Just beware, there are many great women there looking for a good husband.

4. Understand what Asian women are looking for in a western relationship. You are looking for a beautiful good woman to care for you. They like any other woman in the world. What they are looking for can be summed up in one word.  Security. My wife upon arrival to my house for the first time broke down and cried.  All of the furnishing were old and run down like the house and it wasn't anything like what she envisioned in her mind. For the first 2 weeks we slept on my daughters sofa while we shopped for new furniture and clothes. Clothing one for me and one for her. The house would do after painting the interior but not for long. After 18 months I began looking to purchase another house. We found one. She's happy, I'm ecstatic because she is happy. All of this relates back to number 1. I was comfortable with where I was. She wasn't.

5. Be very very selective when it comes to making friends with a westerner man looking for a wife or already has one. There are many good men out there looking for a good Asian wife but if they are a jerk in their own country they become more so in a foreign country. I've seen many men get stabbed in the back, myself included.  This is one of the main reasons it took me almost 12 years to get my wife to America. One man $*#)^%$ us up with the American consulate.  Just be careful.

6. Sexually compatible is a real issue. In many ways what you think is acceptable would be considered a perversion to them. So tread lightly. Your fantasy most likely will not line up with her. And if it does...  A man on this site told me if she is the best you've ever had, she's most likely a prostitute. Now I'm sure that isn't an iron clad statement but it has merit and is something to be aware of.  I have a local friend who has a Chinese wife who works as a prostitute at a massage parlor. Just saying. Funny story. The first time we... my wife said slow down, you're so big. My ego soared and every time she said it. Then I discover that most Westerners are larger than most Asian men. Bubble popped.

7. Finally this adventure is well worth the time and effort. I couldn't be happier with my wife. Well, for the most part. But really it is great. We still have cultural differences but we work through them.  My encouragement to you is eyes wide open in everything.

WOW!  That's so not the Canada I know. Maybe it's a Toronto thing?  I don't know.  I am in Alberta now, and there are many foreign workers here.  From all parts of the world...maybe not as many now as a few years ago...but I never heard of these kinds of experiences.  Your bad border crossing incident you mentioned at the beginning...was that the Queenston-Lewiston crossing?  I've had problems crossing in to Canada a couple of times at that port of entry.  Except, I don't take shit from them...because I am a Canadian, and I pay their wages...and I make sure they know I am not intimidated by them...both times I had issues, it was with women.  Never had problems with women at any other entry point.

I'm sorry that you had these difficulties.  As a proud Canadian, I find this all a little embarrassing.

This is a very insightful video about the concerns and possible hardships of getting old in Asia.


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Happy Easter all