Adapting to your country

[Martin]

I'm just curious how your wife adapted to your country?  For many of the women, this might be their first time leaving their own country.  This was the case with my wife.  In the case of many in the Philippines, they are well aware that things are done differently in other countries, and they go in to the new country ready to embrace the changes.  But how about women from China, or other asian countries?

An example of my wife doing something new in Canada...I love to go camping.  I grew up with it.  My wife had her own idea of what camping was.  In her experience, camping was when you pitch a tent at the beach, when you are going there to spend the day.  The tent is basically a place to escape the sun, and nap.  But not really something you would stay in for more than the day. 

Early into her time in Canada, we went camping in Banff, and Jasper Alberta.  Campfires, tents, cooking hotdogs over the fire, smores, and wilderness. She loved it.  The children, 12 and 14 years old loved it as well.  So much so, that every spring, I get asked if we are planning a camping trip for the upcoming summer.  We have retired the tents, and migrated to a camper trailer now...and she likes this even more.  Refrigerator, washroom, furnace (so we can camp later in the season), and awning, in case it rains.  She (and the kids) have totally embraced the camping culture. 

How has your spouse embraced the new ways of western living?

[mpo]

How has your spouse embraced the new ways of western living?

In short, she has NOT embraced new ways at all. It has caused a lot of trouble which almost lead to the marriage ending. here is one EXAMPLE:

the issue of DIVORCE

Because of my faith and beliefs I reject that option and will not allow it. (happened 1 year ago)

And, yes, I was divorced from my first wife, but I also rejected divorce back then, and it was FORCED onto me.
I had no choice, and no option.

This time I was able to convince my Chinese wife that this was NOT a good option/solution to any problems.
And we have to work it out together.

There are many more issues ...

In fact my wife has not adapted at all, but has gone even further away from our western ways
rejecting the faith I stand in, and declaring that she now follows "Buddha", and attends a temple.
This happened when her bible reading, God fearing, Christian Mom passed away. (before 2020)

My wife has some kind of universal mind set, that all faiths are the "same", and lead to the same God and Heaven. Except that Buddha people will receive rewards in a place called "pureland" which is superior to the Christian "heaven", and therefore is the superior faith. Just as the Asian race is superior to my race.
(her view)

I pointed out to her that it is clearly NOT the same, since she thinks divorce was OK, and I think it is completely NOT OK, by rejecting it completely. Once that was worked out, we can now work on other issues, the run of things to work on, ... never ends it seems. 

but as time passes the list gets shorter... people pass away, or kids grow up, and move out

[mpo]

FYI

Pure Land Buddhism is a broad branch of Mahayana Buddhism that focuses on achieving rebirth in a Pure Land, a superior place for spiritual training that is free from the distractions and fears of the current world.

 This tradition is particularly popular in East Asia and is one of the most widely practiced forms of Buddhism in the region

[Martin]

How has your spouse embraced the new ways of western living?

the issue of DIVORCE

Because of my faith and beliefs I reject that option and will not allow it. (happened 1 year ago)

When Jonna and I were dating, and discussing marriage, she was very blunt with me on this topic.  Marriage is for life, and divorce is not an option.  There are a few reasons for her being adamant about this...she grew up in a broken home, her catholic faith, and her country not having divorce laws.  So, she knew that if she ever got married, it was for life, and that her future husband better understand that this was a lifetime commitment.  I'm happy with this.

[shaun]

My wife is a little of both.

She takes on the newness and embraces what she needs of it.

She holds on to the old ways.

She gardens like you wouldn't believe.  She complains that it is too difficult, it makes her tired and then the next week she is extending the garden a little more.  She informed me that she needed 20 bricks to outline the garden.  I purchased 100.  Well we're into our second hundred.

One of her personalities, said that way on purpose, She reminds me of Granny from The Beverly Hillbillies at times.  The Dr. side that is.  She feeds me home grown or concocted meds for me.  Oh let me tell you the concoctions.  I mean I have learned to just drink them.

Her vittles are great.

She gets up at the crack of 7:am and I've been up 2 of 3 hours.   She stays busy all day except for the nap. Then she works well into the evening.

She doesn't like American food, Mexican food, and most Italian food.   She hates restaurants.   She tolerates 1 Chinese Buffett only because they come from the same area in Guangdong province.

She embraces my children.  I was doing well with that area until my son in law totaled my car. (His lying dumb ass fault) (ya well) Yes her daughter, granddaughter, and son in law are here.

Life is interesting and unpredictable.   More so with a Chinese wife.

[shaun]

I've typed this post several times only to delete it so here it goes again,

The one thing Chinese people seem to not assimilate with.  Eating manners.  Touchy subject.

My parents raised me to have good eating manners. No smacking your lips, no slurping your drink, no shoveling food and overloading your mouth,  no elbows on the table, and many others.

I just don't do it.  I am tolerant of others and their cultural habits for the most part.  My wife smacks and slurps as my step daughter does but they do it a lot quieter.  No issue. However my son in law drives me nuts.  First he is not my favorite person.  In fact I have a very low opinion of him.  But I am tolerant because of their daughter.  She doesn't deserve the crap her dad makes her go through.

He is the loudest person, and even more so in a restaurant.  He's got to be the loudest.  He was so bad Sunday evening in a restaurant the people at the table next to us requested to move because of his gross antics.  I wanted to say, "May I go with them?"

One example: I love to eat shrimp.  I peel the shell and devein it before I put it in my mouth.  Not him.  He pops the whole thing in his mouth, crunch, crunch, crunch and spits out the shell on his plate.  He's the only one I know who does this.

I'm just venting because I can't at home. If I do there's hell to pay with my wife.

Maybe it is their culture but I don't remember any of the the five times I have been there.

My awful habit at home?  I lick my plate and elbows.

I am aware that you the reader may not share my opinion but that is OK.

[Martin]

This was an interesting read...but it got really fascinating at the "I lick my plate and elbows" part.  hahahaha

I am lucky that way when it comes to table manners.  My wife is always strict when it comes to table etiquette. The children (now in their 20's) were raised with proper table manners.  The only thing she does on occasion...and it really doesn't bother me, is to eat with her hands.  This is normal in the Philippines...you can eat with your fork and spoon, or with your hands.  The only time she eats with her hands in a restaurant, is if it's in a Filipino restaurant. 

Your situation sounds like it could get frustrating.  So my question is, when you have people sitting at a nearby table that ask to move further away because of his behaviour, is anything said to him?  Does he not understand that he is in a different country, with different customs?  Does he simply not care?  Is he so arrogant?  Why when we travel to their country, we try our hardest to learn all the rules, so we don't make an ass of ourselves, and yet, the same isn't happening when he has come to the USA?  When in Rome, do as the Romans do...I live by that motto when I travel.