Danny's second trip to Zhuhai

[Danny]

Just a note of thanks to all the kind words and help I have received from my friends on this website.

I have been very quiet here over the past month or so. I apologise for this.

I have tried to avoid letting my hopes and wishes get out of hand, and avoiding this forum helped me from getting to obsessed with the possibility of this relationship working out, or not working out.  

I have had three good days, doing things together. I have really had a lovely time, travelling around Zhuhai with her.

Last night she said that she wasn't able to see me today. That was a disappointment but as we say here, different country, different culture. It might well mean nothing at all, but it might mean things are not going very well. If that's what it means, then so be it.

However if I have learned anything from here, quiet patience is often the best course of action.

I did not leave with much hope for this relationship. I still don't, regardless of what is written in her letters.

This morning I wrote her a letter through chnlove. I wanted there to be no misunderstanding about what I hoped for from the relationship. I wanted it to be translated, so I wouldn't be fumbling around for words. Three terms of Mandarin is still not enough to have a serious conversation.

I told her in this letter that I wished to marry her, but that I understood that she may not yet made up her mind that that is what she wishes. I told her that while I was happy to wait patiently until she did make up her mind, for several years if needs be, I asked her her to let me know if she no longer believes that this is a realistic possibility.

I don't think this is an unreasonable thing to say. We have been writing and talking to each other on the phone for a year, and this is my second visit. We have talked about marriage and how it might work and so I don't think it is presumptious for me to talk this way.

Some people may disagree with what I have done, but I don't care. I have invested a year of my life in this relationship. She is a terribly important person to me and whether or not she wishes to marry me, she always has my respect and admiration.

Whether it's a success or not, I have done what I thought was the right thing to do. When I have made mistakes in the relationship I have been quick to apologise and have really tried to learn from my mistakes.

She is the kind of person that makes me want to be a better person. She is a good and calm person, and that is someone worth waiting for.

To be honest, sometimes I wish it would just be over. It has been a hard year with her. Many ups and downs.

However I have learned a whole lot in that year, about myself and about relationships.

I know even if this relationship doesn't work out, I have learned things about what it takes to make a relationship work in the future.

I know that true happiness is not found from outside yourself - even a beautiful Chinese wife. Circumstances and situations change, sometimes for better and sometimes for worse. For all of us, it is the way we comes to terms with these facts that will determine whether or not we are peaceful and calm and happy.

There are parts of my life which I really need to make a big improvement in. I have come a long way from what I was, but I still have a long way to go to be the man I wish to be.

I sometimes tell my woman, that even if things don't work out between us, that when I am an old man, I will remember how lovely she looked, and how incredibly lucky I was to have sat across from her, and looked at her smiling face.

I have enjoyed taking my daughter with me. My woman has been very considerate towards my daughter and they have done the sort of things she misses since my wife passed away, for example, having her hair done, and her feet massaged.

[Scottish_Rob]

Just a note of thanks to all the kind words and help I have received from my friends on this website.

I have been very quiet here over the past month or so. I apologise for this.

I have tried to avoid letting my hopes and wishes get out of hand, and avoiding this forum helped me from getting to obsessed with the possibility of this relationship working out, or not working out.  

I have had three good days, doing things together. I have really had a lovely time, travelling around Zhuhai with her.

Last night she said that she wasn't able to see me today. That was a disappointment but as we say here, different country, different culture. It might well mean nothing at all, but it might mean things are not going very well. If that's what it means, then so be it.

However if I have learned anything from here, quiet patience is often the best course of action.

I did not leave with much hope for this relationship. I still don't, regardless of what is written in her letters.

This morning I wrote her a letter through chnlove. I wanted there to be no misunderstanding about what I hoped for from the relationship. I wanted it to be translated, so I wouldn't be fumbling around for words. Three terms of Mandarin is still not enough to have a serious conversation.

I told her in this letter that I wished to marry her, but that I understood that she may not yet made up her mind that that is what she wishes. I told her that while I was happy to wait patiently until she did make up her mind, for several years if needs be, I asked her her to let me know if she no longer believes that this is a realistic possibility.

I don't think this is an unreasonable thing to say. We have been writing and talking to each other on the phone for a year, and this is my second visit. We have talked about marriage and how it might work and so I don't think it is presumptious for me to talk this way.

Some people may disagree with what I have done, but I don't care. I have invested a year of my life in this relationship. She is a terribly important person to me and whether or not she wishes to marry me, she always has my respect and admiration.

Whether it's a success or not, I have done what I thought was the right thing to do. When I have made mistakes in the relationship I have been quick to apologise and have really tried to learn from my mistakes.

She is the kind of person that makes me want to be a better person. She is a good and calm person, and that is someone worth waiting for.

To be honest, sometimes I wish it would just be over. It has been a hard year with her. Many ups and downs.

However I have learned a whole lot in that year, about myself and about relationships.

I know even if this relationship doesn't work out, I have learned things about what it takes to make a relationship work in the future.

I know that true happiness is not found from outside yourself - even a beautiful Chinese wife. Circumstances and situations change, sometimes for better and sometimes for worse. For all of us, it is the way we comes to terms with these facts that will determine whether or not we are peaceful and calm and happy.

There are parts of my life which I really need to make a big improvement in. I have come a long way from what I was, but I still have a long way to go to be the man I wish to be.

I sometimes tell my woman, that even if things don't work out between us, that when I am an old man, I will remember how lovely she looked, and how incredibly lucky I was to have sat across from her, and looked at her smiling face.

I have enjoyed taking my daughter with me. My woman has been very considerate towards my daughter and they have done the sort of things she misses since my wife passed away, for example, having her hair done, and her feet massaged.

Danny
Sometimes it is better to take a step back, to look and or move forward...

All it could mean is that 'she' had to do something, as you say, different country, different culture, Remember 'you' two are NOT married so she MAY not want to tell you everything...  But it is good that you have this in the back of your mind.  

Personally I think if you had got on one knee with a ring, there would be no understanding, but it is right that you say, 'as' long as you 'think' you have done the right thing then so be it mate.

Through the year that you have been in contact, I think she has 'earned' your respect.  You will have learned many things not only about China, but also about Chinese ladies if it doesn't work out...However I am sure that this one will.  

All the best mate and keep us updated...:icon_cheesygrin:

[David5o]

Danny,

As you say it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about your letter, or about the way you feel about your relationship. Your the one that has to live your life, so live it the way you feel comfortable.

You may be picking up the wrong messages from your lady there, and this maybe because of your daughter being present. Your lady may be holding back her true feelings. I don't know how much time you are spending with your lady as a couple, and not as a threesome, it does make a difference Danny... So if there is any possibility of increasing your time together with her, i think that would be a good idea.

I say that, because you seem to be thinking that it's not going as well as you hoped, and i think that not being able to be more intimate (no, i don't mean anything sexual, but i wouldn't exclude it either ...haha!!) with her, could be the reason.

Your a nice and a decent guy Danny, So i hope everything turns out the way you want it too. You may have to put a little more effort into your relationship, maybe along the lines of Mikes way of thinking, you never know, it might even help you to become that man, you say you want to be too!!

On a lighter note, ....i hope your not relying on those natural yogurts to keep those nasty bugs away??...hahha!!

I'm sure that along with myself, everyone here is rooting for you, and want another success story flying back to Aussie with you... Enjoy yourself, and all the very best Danny...

David....

[David E]

Danny

You have done a lot of the "hard yards" over the past year. You are being totally honest with her, and yourself.

I cant think of a better preparation...win , lose, or draw...you should be congratulated

But I am keeping everything crossed for you.....good luck

DavidE

[MLM]

Danny, all I can say is Good luck and best wishes :icon_cheesygrin:

[maxx]

Danny good luck and best wishes.You came you saw you gave it a hell of a try.Now hopefully the lady can see this.And it will hopefully work out for you and her.

[Ed W]

Crossing fingers for ya Danny. Wishing you many good blessings.

[Brian Mc]

Greetings Brothers,

As has been said Danny hang in there and dont let her walk away without a fight.  Perhaps as David 5o suggests you may need to set aside some time for the two of you to be alone.  

As you know I just returned myslef and while Zhen and I were really comfortable around our translator, there was definitely a noticable difference after Zie left and it was just Zhen and I .  Perhaps thats all you need is more face to face with just the two of you.  Its worth a shot.  Also just because your lady had other things to do on that day may mean absolutely nothing other than what she said, she had other things to do.

We must remember that we are affecting their day to day life with our presence there and sometimes they may have things scheduled ahead of time that must be done.  If it stretches into more than one day well thats something else but communication is the only way to find out.

Talk to her as much as you can and I am sure you will be fine.

We are all rooting for you brother, good luck

Regards,

Zhen and Brain

[shaun]

Danny,

I am rooting for you too; even if you aren't trying my yogurt method.

Shaun

[Bob]

Danny, I kinda know how you feel, I have been in a similar  situation with my girl, hell, it is not easy at times, and many of us really know what that means, but like the other brothers have already stated, HANG IN THERE. I almost want to give up once, but I fought, it wasn't easy, the hardest thing I have ever done in my life,  but I did it and you can too.  I am very happy that I hung in there, because that women I meet in China is now my wife, and has been for over a year now. So you see anything could happen. The brothers are here for you and we all wish you the very best and hope all goes well with you and your lady.

[metooap]

Danny,

Do not fret, stop worrying. You are prepared. Simply be you - and things will work out.

The most important this is that you have learned a lot about you - armed with this type of insight - there is really not much you can not do - so be you!

[Paul Todd]

Danny,
nothing ventured, nothing gained. You  have put a lot into this and you have my admiration for it. As David said more face to face time can only help, They do have there own lives to run and with it the pressures that brings. I would not read too much into it. She must know the seriousness of your commitment and this can only work in your favor. You've come this far so hang in there.Try to relax into it.  I hope it all works out for all three of you.:icon_cheesygrin:

[Sylvain D]

Danny, as many Brothers here say, I wish you all the best with your lady. Try to see the good vibes in your relation and that all you investigated into is meant to be positive
Keep us updated

[Danny]

Dear One and All

What a lovely surprise to read all this good advice and receive all these kind wishes. It really does humble me. I'll sleep on the suggestions and let you know what happens next.

Anyhow today (Monday) we spent the day together today, the three of us. She took the whole day off work to be with me today and I really appreciate that.

She told me today that yesterday (Sunday) she had to do something to help her brother's business, to meet with some of his business partners. That seems fair enough to me. Once again the 24 hour rule saves another brother from doing or saying something stupid.  

It is lovely to be taken through the country, looking at the sites . . . you feel so incredibly looked after. I feel so spoiled by her, it's just really good at the moment.

Seeing the countryside gives you a really different look at life in China, away from the big cities. It sure is a different world out in the country. It's no wonder young people flock to the city - life out in the country is real hard by comparison.

One of the highlights was a meal we shared at a seaside restaurant. We had a private room together. After dinner we just sat together the three of us, and we talked for about an hour together, about our lives and hopes and past. It was really warm and affectionate and at that time I think was the first time we started to feel comfortable and relaxed about being together.

You will laugh to know how we spent the afternoon. We spent it looking at apartments together. I didn't know what to make of all this so I just had a little chuckle to myself (thinking, what kind of a date is this?). She kept asking me what I thought about this apartment or that one.

I have to confess the thought of living there, is sure tempting. Of course it's not something I can do in the short or even medium term, but it's something I can work towards in the longer term, say when I retire. The thought of living in one of these apartments, looking out into the ocean with her, it sure is a sweet idea to roll around my mind.

Our visits to the apartments, like everything else - it might mean something or it might mean nothing at all. I just smile to myself and enjoy the journey with her.

As an aside luxury apartments in Zhuhai are just some of the most tasteless and kitsch things I have ever seen. It is extraordinary how for the newly rich, everything needs to be coated in gold and/or glitter. Some things never change. Some of the amazing things I've seen today: an enourmous gold grandfather clock, with every piece covered in platinum and gold plate, monstrous chandeliers in every room, light fittings with feather trim, golden lights that turn slowly around, waterfalls in the dining rooms . . . ah well, good luck to them, and as the saying goes, to each their own.

My daughter was exhausted by the end of the day, and so my good woman dropped us back at the hotel, and my daughter and I dozed for a couple of hours. After I got out of the car I walked to the door of the hotel, and then I looked back, and she was still there, and I got a big smile and a wave, and I thought to myself, maybe . . .

It is early evening now. At the moment we are at a big internet cafe - around 200 computers in a single room. We will have dinner and then call it a night.

I told her that I had sent her a letter and checking at the chnlove website I know it has been delivered. I plan to catch up with my good woman tomorrow night, again with my daughter. It will be interesting to see what kind of reply I receive, or whether the way she relates to me changes as a result of what I have said to her in my letter.

My relationship with my daughter has really improved while we've been away. She is starting to grow into a kind and thoughtful person. For anyone who has raised a teenager, you really do wonder how they will turn out, if they will ever grow up properly. You need times like this to give you hope for the future.

Danny

[David5o]

Danny,

Talking about the luxury apartments, ...That basically what happens when you get ''New Money'' That's how the new rich as you call them, see rich people in their minds. The more extravagant, gordy, tasteless, and monstrous the better!! ...haha!!

I watched a documentary of MJ and his dreamland estate (or what ever he called it). Now his house furnishings were totally as you describe, but then some, his idea of taste was even more ghastly and tasteless.

Showed you him going round an exclusive house furnishings accessory store too,  buying stuff for his mansion. To me the store was selling stuff you'd take to a boot sale to get rid of it! Anyway after 45 mins in this one shop, he had splashed out $250000, on the most tasteless junk you can imagine, like pots, vases, table lights, picture frames etc, etc!! all absolute JUNK!!

Seems that the Chinese newly rich are going down the same path, ...maybe even saw the same documentary as i did, and now want to copy him!!! ...haha!!


David....