JUST FOR A LAUGH

[JohnB]

http://www.rantlifestyle.com/2015/03/09/17-hilariously-misplaced-advertisements-that-will-make-you-face-palm/

one of 27 Hilariously Misplaced Advertisements........

[JohnB]

A mother had three grown sons, all quite successful. The oldest built her a big brand new two story house. The next
one bought her a brand new Mercedes Benz. The youngest one, knowing how she liked to read the Bible, got her a
parrot trained to quote the Bible on demand ... say a book, chapter and verse, and the parrot would recite it. The parrot
had been trained in a monastery for 10 years at a cost to the son of $100,000 per year.

At the end of her life, she left a letter responding to her son's gift efforts. To the oldest she wrote, that house you bought
me was too big ... I lived in one room and had to slave to keep the rest of the house clean. It's been a curse to me. To the
next son she wrote, due to my age and poor eyesight I wasn't able to drive that Mercedes at all ... it's sitting in the garage
with flat tires covered in dust. It was perfectly useless to me. To the youngest son she wrote, you my blessed son, gave me
the best gift of all. That chicken you got me was the best I ever tasted.

[Robertt S]

Had to post this one just for Willy!

[Willy The Londoner]

You will never know just how better live would have been.
 

Willy

[JohnB]

An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
...The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
'Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy ... do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No ... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times"...

[JohnB]

The Jewish Tie Salesman

A fleeing Taliban terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something
far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the mirage, only to find a very frail little Jewish man
standing at a small makeshift display rack selling ties.

The Taliban terrorist asked, "Do you have water?"

The old man replied, "I have no water. Would like to buy a tie? They are only $5."

The Taliban shouted hysterically, "Idiot Infidel! I do not need such an overpriced western adornment.
I spit on your ties. I need water!"

"Sorry, I have none, just ties - pure silk, and only $5."

"Pahh! A curse on your ties! I should wrap one around your scrawny little neck and choke the life out of you,
but I must conserve my energy and find water!"

"Okay," said the little old Jewish man. "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie from me,
or that you hate me, threaten my life, and call me Infidel. I will show you that I am bigger than any of that.
If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a restaurant. It has the finest food
and all the ice-cold water you need. Go in peace."

Cursing him again, the desperate Taliban staggered away, over the hill.

Several hours later he crawled back, almost dead, and gasped, "They won't let me in without a tie..."

[Robertt S]

    Joke of the day...... A blonde gets home early from shopping and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs to find her husband naked on the bed, sweating and panting. 'What's up?' she asks. 'I'm having a heart attack, The blonde rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she's dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says, 'Mommy! Mommy! Aunt Shirley is hiding in your closet, and she's got no clothes on!' The blonde slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, right past her husband, and rips open the closet door. Sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the closet floor, 'You rotten 'Bitch', she screams. 'My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!'

[Robertt S]

[JohnB]

"Once upon a time," a pilot asked a beautiful princess, "Will you marry me?"

The princess said, "No!!!!"

And the pilot lived happily ever after and flew jets all over the world and drove hot cars and chased skinny long-legged
big-breasted flight attendants and hunted and fished and went to topless bars and dated women half his age and drank
Weihenstephaner German beer and Captain Morgan and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony
and kept his house and guns and ate cold leftover meals, potato chips and beans and blew enormous farts and never
got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was frickin' cool as hell and he had tons
of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.

The End.

Nothing like a happy ending to a story… J

[JohnB]

A white guy is walking down the street
He sees a Mexican book store
He goes in and asks:
"Do you the latest Trump book?"
The Mexican says:
"Get the fu*k out of here and don't come back".
The white guy says: "That's it!"

[JohnB]

A couple on an African Safari witnessed a small
antelope being chased down by a
cheetah.

The wife told the husband, “If that antelope
survives this one, I'll give you a blow job every day for the rest of
your life.” For the results, click on the link. Watch
closely....... 

https://www.youtube.com/embed/DYDIwOnXNc8

[JustJim]

Finally....  something interesting to eat at tea time...

[Willy The Londoner]

Very interesting...... a nice mouthful

You even got the sizing just about right as well.

Willy

[David E]

Not sure about the colour though !!!!!! 

[Willy The Londoner]

Not sure about the colour though !!!!!! 

Ideal with these shades on!!

Willy