My workaholic lady

[Vince G]

If your lady is extremely comely do beware of the boss, my ex had a lot of unwanted attention from her bosses, at least 3 of them, and usually dirty old men lool, one even had a wife & mistress already.

Yeah that's one of the things I was worried about. But she did give mention to she is being good, without me asking. Her coworkers are mixed (men and women). So what choice is there? Unless I am told different? I do trust her our whole relationship has been all truth. She's not the sleep around type.

[ttwjr32]

each situation is different, and everyone is telling Brett to hang in there but has anyone
read what he has written? after months of chatting they still talk about weather and cats??
i agree with Brett as hard as this sounds but maybe it is time to move on as he said but trying
the last ditch effort to get her to communicate is worth a try. there comes a time when busy is
just an excuse as these ladies will and do find the time to communicate if they are really interested
or serious. their dedication to appraoch is remarkable when they want something

[David5o]

Ted,


You are so, so right in your comments about the Chinese woman, when she is serious about her man!! I have never quite understood bros here going to meet there lady, and the lady has all but kept these bros at arms length!! THAT is not the sign of an interested lady in China, not by any stretch of the imagination... Frankly, ....a lady that showed no emotional interest during the first meeting visit, would be left by the wayside, and for sure i wouldn't have suffered that for 10 to 14 days.... The back-up plan would have kicked in long before that ...lol!!!


David.....

[ttwjr32]

im glad someone agrees with me on this as hard as the facts might be. i wouldnt spend the
time visiting a lady who has kept me at arms lenth!  when they are interested they would sleep
2 hours a day just so they had the time to chat with you online, qq or whatever. their determination
is a direct reflection of their joy of wanting to be with you:icon_biggrin:

[Willy The Londoner]

Brett, My own opinion is you should give her one more chance to see if you can save this relationship.  We all know that it sounds as if it is going nowhere.   But on the other hand we are all saying stick with it Brett - it will work out - no problem!  We are all trying to be nice and friendly.  Probably too friendly for your own good.     We know that we get these moments of dispair from you and then the next day you suprise us by telling us all is lovey dovey again.  

We know that reading your input that you like her a lot but you are a grown man you know that YOU liking HER a lot is a bit one sided.    It needs to be reciprocated.  She has to show you how much she cares!

I think that you have made the right decision in contacting her with an ultimatum.  If she does not reply positively then you have to bite the bullet and say ' Our relationship is finished'.   You then have to collect yourself together and work on the future.  

You are diligent in learning Chinese and are working hard at it as far as I can see.  Much harder than me and I really need to know more of the language - so do not give that up.

If she cannot reply in the mode you need then move on and stick with China.  You have to break a few eggs to make an omelette (oh my God not those eggs again).  You have a lot of holiday entitlement left - use that and get back over here as soon as you can.  

What we do not want to hear is that she has accepted that she was wrong etc etc etc and that everything will change for the better etc etc.  And then a week or two later you are going through these same trials again.

We have been with you every step of the way on this journey and you have given us indepth information - probably opened your inner feelings more than any other.   So make a decision on her reply and stick with it.   If she cannot be bothered to reply to such an important message then just do not make excuses for her - say thanks and move on.

Come to our part of China and Ted and I will help you get over any heartbreak.   I even no a couple of girls that will give you a message - oops Massage!

Willy

[JimB]

I agree with Ted, and David50.  Quite honestly you have been having trouble from the very beginning and if she is not giving you what you need out of the relationship, it is time to move on.  It needs to be a two way street.  You cant hang on just to hang on.  It is 100% your decision, but personally I would have cut it a long time ago.
I know I am damned lucky.  But even though my wife worked/s 60 hours a week, she still makes/made time to chat twice a day.  this was also before we were married.  If she didnt  at least put in the effort of an e mail, I dont know if we could have carried it off.  She takes a lot of time off when I am here but when I am not she has to work straight through, sometimes for a month with only one day off to make up for it.  We had our troubles and I think we will probably have some more but I am 1000 per cent sure of her love and she is of mine.  As Vinnie said you have to have trust and if you dont, forget about it.

[ttwjr32]

Trust very important as Jim said and im sorry for the hard stand but if this woman
really wanted a relationship she would make the time as all the sincere women do
when they are interested. no sense sugar coating it and continuing as there are far
to many out there who would appreciate someone who puts a lot of effort into it.

[brett]

Thanks guys.

I guess the problem is that we just didn't spend enough time together, hence why I wanted to return to China in January. That was an excellent plan, then her mother got sick and everything was derailed.

After October's visit we had a few issues to discuss, but I was doing quite well resolving them via the translator. Then my lady left her agency and that was that.

Sure I think we have some big hurdles but I'm sure we would have a great life together. However, I just don't think she has really thought it all through.

I think she would not like to leave her family behind, especially when it's clear that I have been sold a mistruth - it seems her parents just can't cope without her after all.

I also do not know if finding a husband is really her idea or her mother's.

As to being busy in work, no of course I don't buy that as an excuse at all. Hell I have a day job and 3 internet businesses but I still found time to find a lady.

I like the idea of moving to China. Actually Willy's neck of the woods looks good and I think Zuhai might be a good place to live. But I have to face facts here, my Internet income is dropping like a stone and I believe it's telling me that another serious recession is on the way. There is no way I'm leaving the UK until I am mortgage free and have a lot more cash in the bank. I tell my ladies in EMF #1 that they will have to move here, and I am not changing that (unless they're rich lol).

I have thought about finding another, in fact I did speak to a couple of ladies on chnlove. I did actually find a lovely lady from Harbin, she had the same scientific career background as me and I think we would have got on really well. I think she would have enjoyed this horrible UK Winter! But she was a bit overweight (I don't have a problem with that) and I guess she had body issues as she sent me some photos without her in them! Maybe I'll give her another go.

Anyhow, I wish I could find somebody as great as Miss Wu. I'll keep looking on chnlove - maybe I'll try blossoms as well, Shaun seems to rave about the place. I do still like the idea of finding a Chinese wife. It was a spur of the moment decision last July but I still know it's exactly what I want.

I need to take 3 weeks vacation by the end of April so you guys better start looking for my next lady! Maybe my Chinese teacher knows some relative in Wuhan that is looking for love, I'll ask her this afternoon :icon_cheesygrin:!

[odysseus007]

Yeah they will show effort when they want to. During the Chinese New Year, I was back in my hometown and my friend, he got a gal flew all the way from China to meet him. Heck, she even booked a hotel with a big king sized bed. He didn't have to pay for airfare or hotel, just do the sightseeing thing. Must have cost her like maybe 6000RMB maybe for the whole week? How's that for seriousness?

[brett]

Yes the lack of effort troubles me. While Miss Wu has knitted me the longest and most beautiful scarf in history, she hasn't really done a lot else.

Anyway, here's a micro-update. Still no Miss Wu. That's been the story of my life since I got back from Wuhan. Maybe there's a technical reason for it (communications equipment is a bit tempermental in smaller cities) I don't know. Why should I keep thinking up excuses for her? Yes I know her job is all consuming but I know her parents have money and would support her while she put all her effort into finding a man.

So I have been trawling chnlove and I am pleased to report that the quality of lady is higher than ever. I think I will begin a new search in Shanghai. It's easy to get to from the UK, the hotels are way cheaper than places like Wuhan (well according to Expedia anyway), and it would be the easiest place for me to find work should I ever move there. I'll send out some cupid notes tonight, although I've seen one that's so lovely I don't think I can wait that long lol :icon_cheesygrin:.

[David5o]

Brett,

If what you've been saying about your Miss Wu is correct, and you think she is ''Great'' ....You will have no trouble whatsoever finding a lady in China that will match and probably surpass Miss Wu in just about every conceivable area. But the most important of all, will be her willingness to go out of her way to show you that, YOU are HER man. Just you wait and see, the difference will be remarkable!!!

David....

[ttwjr32]

i agree David  once you start searching again then you will find a lady
to make you forget the other fast especially if the other doesnt talk with youalso in another post Brett you mentioned that you sent money for
her parents hospital care or bill. and she spent it on a new outfit
and handbag???  is anybody thinking the same as me??/

Brett i would leave this one by the wayside

[RegnisTheGreat]

Sorry for the late interruption there Brett. Chinese ladies are less blunt then western ones. Western ones will dump you and kick you. The Chinese ones will ignore you and reduce communication significantly and you are suppose to pickup the sign. From what I read of it, she's not interested and you should just move on.

[ttwjr32]

i agree with you Regnis they do have a way of just ignoring you if they lose interest
and its to bad she took Brents money and bought a new outfit. but as they say we
learn from are mistakes and i have great experience on that

[Willy The Londoner]

 I did actually find a lovely lady from Harbin, she had the same scientific career background as me and I think we would have got on really well. I think she would have enjoyed this horrible UK Winter! But she was a bit overweight (I don't have a problem with that) and I guess she had body issues as she sent me some photos without her in them! Maybe I'll give her another go.

Maybe she is a good scientist Brett and invented real invisibility.  Perhaps she has been practising on Miss Wu!!!!!:icon_cheesygrin:

Stop being a candle in the wind Brett. You've gone from possibly going to Zhuhai then changed to Shanghai in the matter of two consecutive posts!
First decide on the place - Shenzen, Zhongshan or Zhuhai are the easist to get to from Hong Kong which is serviced by a large number of aircraft ever day from London.

Sort out your location then look for a non photo-shopped lady who has the brains of Einstein, the patience of Job, the wisdom of Solomon and the love skills of Aphrodite and looks of Venus. She will need all these to fit your criteria.:icon_cheesygrin:

Willy