Author Topic: What do Chinese Women Look for in a Western Husband?  (Read 22202 times)

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Paul Todd

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What do Chinese Women Look for in a Western Husband?
« on: November 29, 2010, 12:31:08 am »
I came across this and thought it might be useful,it's always interesting to see it from another point of view. It's from  Linda Chen's Blog. She's  a teacher working and living in SW China

I read an article by a blogger entitled “What do western males look for in a Chinese wife?” Here, I would like to stand at the other side and discuss, “What do Chinese women look for in a western husband?”

    First, we Chinese women are attracted to western men’s strong build and charming appearance, say, big blue or hazel eyes, and straight nose. To most women, broad shoulders give them a sign of reliability. Besides, mix-blooded babes are a big PLUS, who are said to be, genetically speaking, healthier, prettier and smarter. Women, as I am included, fancy about having mix-blooded babes.

    Then comes good manners of westerners’. I don’t know if it is still possessed nowadays by the majority of western men. At least, my late German boy friend was a man of good manners. He was always neat and had very good table manners. He also took all shopped groceries or our luggage when we went out for a tour. I was strong enough to take my portion, but such a feeling of being spoiled made me feel I was loved and cherished.

    Thirdly, it is a good choice for romantically-minded Chinese women to have a western husband. Westerners are regarded as knowing better how to express love. They have diversified love languages. Generally speaking, people can speak love languages in the following ways: giving physical touch, encouraging words, heartfelt services, present and sharing quality time together. Each person may dominantly be touched by one or a combination of them. I am the one who is easily ignited by the first two ways. I love kisses, hugs, and caresses. And as far as I know, most western men are experts compared with their Chinese counterparts.

    Fourthly, westerners are free from some nonsense of superstition. Chinese female divorcees or widows have already been under great social pressure. People are inclined to think there must be something wrong with them. What’s worse for widows, some men think they might bring them bad luck. Shortly after my beloved hubby passed away, there was a period that I thought the campus on which we live kept reminding me the past sweet memories and the present huge loss. That was unbearable for me and I just wanted to escape from the familiar surroundings. So I went back to Guangdong, in which I used to study and work. I called my former boss, who is the husband of my classmate, to check if he might help me to find a job there. Before I was very close to my classmate and her husband and even spent some nights at their home. To my dismay, the boss was so afraid of the possibility that people in my situation – newly widowed – would enter their house and bring them bad luck that he was as blunt as to tell me it would be proper that I went stay with my unmarried friend in her dormitory instead.

    Fifthly, a western Christian male may become some Chinese women’s pursuit. A marriageable Chinese Christian male is hardly available. More and more Chinese convert to Christianity. But if you go check in a church in China, you will find the majority of church-goers are females or seniors.

    There is also some other aspects in western husbands that attract Chinese women. On a whole, they are more keen on pursuing a healthy life style, say, they often go to gym for workout, they go for travel regularly, and they don’t need to go social by spend a great amount of time on dinner party which is usually associated with heavy alcohol-drinking or on mahjong which may demand them to lose money to the right person at right time in a tactful way.

    Last but not the least, there is always a space for both western husbands and eastern wives to learn and to grow in their life journey. Uncertainty, or not having a shared cultural background, in a good sense, can bring about mutual attraction.

Arnold

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Re: What do Chinese Women Look for in a Western Husband?
« Reply #1 on: November 29, 2010, 12:51:04 am »
Wonderful Paul !!! Thanks again for such great Post .. even  if they're someone elses . I don't want to pad myself on the Back or lie , but I do see my Character in a couple Paragraphs here .

Offline JamesM.Roberts

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Re: What do Chinese Women Look for in a Western Husband?
« Reply #2 on: November 29, 2010, 02:54:12 am »
Yes Great Post Paul-Never once did it mention money-cars or green cards-the things so many of us think.....we are about to be scammed out of.
If one is looking for a fresh start and a new life, one should start it with new outlook and a fresh slate. Thanks James
Anyone can pick up an apple off the ground, but the sweeter ones take a little work to get to!!

Offline Rachel

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Re: What do Chinese Women Look for in a Western Husband?
« Reply #3 on: November 29, 2010, 03:20:46 am »
Hello!Paul:Indeed, in China. Very superstitious. If you are widows. Go to other people's house is very unlucky.
The Chinese men moral is increasingly decline.(But not all men. There is also some good man.) They have no sense of responsibility.  In outside seeking lover.Five thousand years of Chinese culture in them without a trace.Divorce rate increased year by year.We inherit the social and family dual pressures.We want to change a way of life.Although I don't know the future is good or bad.We can trust in god.We cannot lose confidence.Because the sun is still rising.
Tomorrow will continue.May the Lord is with us!(I don't know translation software is correct. If there are no correct place. Please forgive me.)
rachel :)
Tao with god

Paul Todd

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Re: What do Chinese Women Look for in a Western Husband?
« Reply #4 on: November 29, 2010, 04:34:20 am »
Good points guy's,
I always knew you would be one of the guy's that carriers the shopping Arnold  ;D .....me too!
I think we can sometimes get tied up in own own insecurities and misconceptions about China and the women here. Always feeling that we are about to be scammed or misled in some way. Always looking for that piece of the jigsaw that doesn't fit, so we can throw our hand up and shout foul play. While I'm not saying that there are not scam artists out there on both sides and we do need to take care, we should remember that the vast majority of people are looking for the same thing, love and companionship.
Rachel thank you for adding to this thread, I was hoping you would! You have a unique perspective on this, thanks for sharing with us. Please do not worry about your English skills,we understand exactly what you are saying! :)

Offline shaun

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Re: What do Chinese Women Look for in a Western Husband?
« Reply #5 on: November 29, 2010, 05:19:53 am »
Great subject Paul, you did it again as always.  I agree that men can get caught up in looking for a scam and many have lost a real gem in the process.

I think if one begins pursuing a woman through a dating site that initially they should be looking for a scam and should push to talking with her on a regular basis that she can agree to.  After having a second or even third webcam visit the man should stop looking for a scam and really focus on building the relationship getting to know her.  If there is a scam it will manifest itself.

I can't tell you the number of times as Peggy and I talked on the webcam and then afterwards I think she is scamming me that I would have to tell myself, "Shaun, if she were scamming you she is putting in way to much time in for a scam.  She wouldn't have to have time to scam others."  It is physically possible to do but very impractical.  The major problems as I see it is that we are half way round the world and we can't see physically on a daily basis and then you throw culture and language differences in and there is a lot of doubt that can build in your mind.

Therefore a man should spend his time developing the relationship and stop looking for something that most like isn't there if they are webcaming regularly.

Also just because a Chinese woman has different goals that we thing they should does not mean they are scamming you.  Take Peggy for instance one of her goals other than having a western husband is to own a house in China.  It took me a long time to understand why.  She equates not having a house in China as being poor and she does not like that feeling.  I discovered in the process of getting to know her that she plans on working extra here in the US to achieve that goal.  She at this point isn't asking me to buy it.  I decided to make it a non issue and after she has lived here a while if she decides she doesn't want to own a house in China then it will be all the better for me anyway.

The point in all this I am saying is, don't invest your thoughts in looking for a scam after you have a woman on webcam on a regular basis.  If it is a scam it will manifest itself in time.
« Last Edit: December 03, 2010, 04:57:45 am by shaun »

Offline Willy The Londoner

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Re: What do Chinese Women Look for in a Western Husband?
« Reply #6 on: December 03, 2010, 04:09:41 am »
Your right Shaun.

I have met too many foreigners here who have SCAM SCAM SCAM embedded in there head.   I met one person here who was so concerned that he may be scammed that he would not take a taxi anywhere unless someone else was paying for it that is!

Ok someone will tell you that something costs 100 rmb well you know you have to haggle down.  Thats business not being scammed. 

But if you stupid enough to send women women here before you met them then you deserve to be scammed.

The very vast majority of Chinese are honest.  There are great penalties here if found they are crooked.

Willy



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Offline Mag00

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Re: What do Chinese Women Look for in a Western Husband?
« Reply #7 on: January 07, 2011, 11:43:26 pm »
 Paul, i just got through reading the entire series of articles on that site.. Very good. thank you for the link. dan

Offline Willy The Londoner

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Re: What do Chinese Women Look for in a Western Husband?
« Reply #8 on: January 08, 2011, 09:09:58 pm »
One other thing.  Money does play a great part in a relationship regardless of what anyone will say.   

There has been several instances of marriages breaking up where once the man's income has been cut off through illness or redundancy they have literally been ditched by the 'loving wife'.   The woman  want to know that their lives have improved, not stood still or gone backwards.   

So make sure your income is secure before you embark on this fascinating journey.

Willy

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Now in my 12th year living here,

Paul Todd

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Re: What do Chinese Women Look for in a Western Husband?
« Reply #9 on: January 08, 2011, 09:47:14 pm »
When I first moved over here my income was far from being secure and my wife knew and accepted this. I was confident in my ability to rise to the challenge and prove to be a worthy husband of this exceptional woman. I agree that money is important in a relationship but it is not everything. If you think that freeloading off your wife is acceptable, your in for a shock.  When we marry it should be for better or worst, as we say rich or poor our love will endure. If my wife or I fall ill we know the other is always there for support and comfort. That is what a real relationship is, not some shallow excuse based on money. As we get older ill heath is bound to happen,many of us here are not youngsters anymore and if you think your wife is going to leave you in these circumstances then maybe something is seriously wrong in the first place.

Offline sara

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Re: What do Chinese Women Look for in a Western Husband?
« Reply #10 on: January 08, 2011, 10:19:52 pm »
    i think it's luck to meet a nice western like you for a chinese lady. the happy marriage over the world is the same: the husband is hunter in the family. he uses his money to support his family and makes his family have nice life. the wife should take care of the family nice and make his man feel very comfortable at home. she will support the family if she has a nice job.
   i believ marriage is love, especially between the western and the chinese . loving each other could make them to understand, respect, trust, be honest and  patient each other. they will get happy life.
   i have a question to ask: how to make sure a western is nice husband before or after  married?
sara

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Re: What do Chinese Women Look for in a Western Husband?
« Reply #11 on: January 08, 2011, 10:52:00 pm »
Sara...

If there was always a correct answer to your question , then we all would be very happy !!!

There is a saying in English, I hope it translates OK for you:

"Past behaviour always predicts future performance"

What this means is that any person will mostly behave in the future as they have behaved in the past. If you want to know how your husband will behave in his future marriage to you, then find out as much as you can about how he behaved in his previous marriage....and keep your fingers crossed for luck...or Yuan Fen  ;D ;D

David

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Re: What do Chinese Women Look for in a Western Husband?
« Reply #12 on: January 08, 2011, 11:11:15 pm »
Sara,

What David tells you is true.  I would like to add to that to see how the man treats his mother and sisters if he has any.

Unfortunately there isn't a set of rules to follow to guarantee success in this area.  I can tell what I will avoid in a woman more that I can tell you what I need for compatibility.

You might look at the things that attracted you to your previous husband and avoid men who posses those things.  From my own experience I am attracted to women that are simply not good for me so I have learned those characteristics and avoid them.  Peggy isn't anything like my ex-wife thank God.  I spent many hours thinking about these things before I began looking for another woman.  Peggy has most all of the new set of qualities I  looked for.  For me it has made all of the difference.

Shaun

Offline halfpint

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Re: What do Chinese Women Look for in a Western Husband?
« Reply #13 on: January 08, 2011, 11:34:36 pm »
I've lived my life believing most people are good people.  I've never really been scammed that I know of.  You do have to be more cautious when dealing with people on the internet, but there are ways of finding out if you are being scammed.  No different than real life, just get to know the person, over time a scammer will easily reveal themselves.

I think its quite natural for any women to want security in their lives.  They want to know they will have at least a decent life, if not a good life.  I doubt it matters what the cultural background is.  When I met my girlfriend I had some uncertainty in my life.  I told I'd given up a good position so I could have more time to raise my kids.  I also made sure I gave her comfort I'd always be able to earn enough to provide for my family and give us a good life.  I think that's important for any lady.

Sara the comments made by David and Shaun are good ones.  I agree with David, I don't think you can change a persons basic characteristics, so past behaviour has a lot to do with their future behaviour.  As Shaun says, there are no guarantee's, so taking the time to get to know someone well is important.    For me, I look to how they feel about family, how they treat their friends, how consistent their behaviour is, basic beliefs in what is right and what is wrong.  If you can match those attributes, I think you've gone a long way to finding a great life partner.

Alan
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Offline sara

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Re: What do Chinese Women Look for in a Western Husband?
« Reply #14 on: January 09, 2011, 02:37:01 am »
Davin
   thanks, you said "Past behaviour always predicts future performance" is the same as a saying in Chinese: "You will know a person is nice or bad when he was 3 years old".
Shaun
   you are right. i think i need to learn more from the past. i believe i treat the others' nice and they will treat me nice too in the past. but now i knew just most of people will do the same as mine. not all.
Alan
   you said: "For me, I look to how they feel about family, how they treat their friends, how consistent their behaviour is, basic beliefs in what is right and what is wrong. " yes, i need to make sure his basic characteristics is the same as mine if i still have a chance to meet a nice man .
   what you said let me make sure the nice husband in the west is the same as in the china: make money, take
care of  his wife, family amd friends, respect, be honest.........
   i have anothere question to ask: what is "the half and half in the marriage "in the west coutries?
   thank for Davin, Shaun and Alan all again.
sara