The difference between Chinese and western men

[Axiom]

So my woman was stressed out the other day and being a good guy I tired to comfort her. To which she got MORE upset... later (making a long story short) she told me a chinese guy wouldnt just ask if something was wrong... theyd just try to make it better. 

So then we got into a long discussion abou tthings I do like ask her if shes hungry or thirsty, I would get her something... and she says that a chinese guy would just go get her stuff without asking first since they would assume she would need it.

So is this true? Do chinese guys really have a better empathy towards women? or is it just the girl friends stress level?

[shaun]

I've never had this problem.  But then again we don't live in the same house.

[Clayton]

I cringed when I red your story Axiom, this sounds so much like my ex, nothing i did was ever right.
Chinese men?  bull dust, she, in my opinion is just playing with your mind and would have you running after her 24 7.
I don't believe this is a culture difference at all, just a woman trying to manipulate her man .
I doubt if you had got her something to eat and drink without asking first that she would have been happy, she probably would have found something wrong with it .
I'm sorry Axiom for coming on so heavy but I've seen it all before, I hope I'm totally wrong about your situation ,
Any Chinese woman I have had anything to do with see it as there duty to run after the men and hardly ever ask for ant thing for themselves so that when you do do something for them they appreciate it no end.

Just my observation.

Cheers
Leeroy

[Neil]

If she were to bring you a cold beer, would you not drink it?  Sounds like she just wants you to take more of the initiative. 

Leeroy does have a good point.  If she's an only child she probably is a bit spoiled.  I hope that's not the case. 

[Vince G]

Well? it's just about all of the above can be correct and you can maybe guess at what is. Explain to her (use these words) western men are taught asking first if you would like something, it is seen as more attentive and polite way. 

If she don't buy it your screwed.   

[Jason B]

I do not have any answers but then again there might be some answers in the manual for girls, if we can just find it.........

But from my own experiences, if Xia looks upset I will ask her what is wrong and we can try to work out a solution from there that is equal and a win/win for both people - you can not fix something if you do not know what is broken or I am making food/drink etc. of course I will ask Xia if she wants some too.

She has never said that a Chinese man would just do things.

[Arnold]

I don't know if this helps , but the only time I saw Qing upset or in a bad Mood .. was when she failed her Driving Test the first two times . As I have plenty experience from my first Marriage , I knew to keep at an Arms-length away at all time and ONLY say/come out with .. soft spoken words of Courage . Never mind asking why are you upset or how do you feel and just let it cool by itself , which took a couple days .. but I was on SAFE ground .
So Axiom , I think the Spoiled part fits the best in your Situation . She needs to adjust to "Our Ways" and I'm sure she will .. but give it time .
If Qing told my this , what a Chinese Man would do .. I'd just tell her .. would you rather be married to a Chinese Man then ?? I think that would put that on a Hold quick .

[Willy The Londoner]

C'mon guys stop hitting your heads again the wall.  We all know that we will never really understand any Chinese woman's mind. Probably any woman's come to that.

This is for all - Just make sure that any little things that bother her do not become so important that they blow your relationship as has happened to others.

Plus they will give another example of whats bothering them rather than tell you the real reason.

Willy

[JamesM.Roberts]

Sorry Axiom but I have to ask......did you ever find out what made her upset in the first place?? I remember (well .....very well) the day me and Ping went to get a passport type photo of her for the paperwork.  she had a wear a plain dark shirt with her hair pulled back. when she came out of the photographers -she was pouting. She handed me the photo, and of course I said "oh what a cute Chinese boy" ......yes as soon as the words left my mouth I knew that and the fact that Ping went from pouting to this--->    Long story short after a while of glares and no talking she confessed that she was pouting because....get this ...she didn't like the photo because she looked like a boy.  So even though I was right ....I was wrong -understand?
that's okay....me neither!

[Arnold]

Man ... is there a better example than this ? hahahahaha

[Pineau]

I really cant agree with what she has said about Chinese men.  Fiona and her girlfriends do not have very much good to say about their ex boyfriends/husbands. Occasionally they say so in so has a really good hysband but for the most part their opinion is that Chinese men are selfish, self centered and uncaring. Jing had the same opinion. But it was accepted because he was a "Man".

[David E]

Axiom

That was pure bullsh*t.... a Chinese Man would sit there and fully expect his wife to be a complete mind reader and anticipate his every need...and if she got it wrong, she would likely get a slap on the head !!!

Ming is still amazed that I say "thank you" if she makes me a coffee or somesuch.

And to actually be with her in the kitchen and help with the cooking has taken her a lot of time to get used to...she originally believed I was only there to check on her and criticise where necessary.

I will certainly concede that is is not so easy to get her to talk freely about anything that worries her...same syndrome, a Chinese Man would not be the slightest bit interested in what worried her....only in what worried HIM, and everybody would get to know pretty damm quick what it was.

OK, it is probably wrong to typecast ALL Chinese Men in this way, but it is a reasonably close fit to the vast majority of them.

[john1964]

I find myself in total agreement with David, MinYing is the same when i say thank you for minor things and even to carry shopping bags when we go out together, She told me that her ex-husband never showed any appreciation towards her and yes, she was expected to be a mind reader, I know over her ten year marriage she was slapped around for her troubles and NEVER appreciated , She tells me that it is not right for a husband to show his appreciation and say "thank you" to his wife, Now i know she loves being appreciated, Happy wife, Happy life, John.

[Chong]

You have a modern day "Diva"/"Princess" ... it's a catch-22. If you go ahead and assume/do something and it's wrong ... she'll ask you why you didn't ask her first.

In Southern China ( where I lived in 2009 ), men are uncaring and self-center. There are many mistresses and girlfriends outside of the marriage. They walk way ahead of their women and they expect their women to fetch food and drinks for them.

In relation to your question ... "Do chinese guys really have a better empathy towards women?" ... 90% of mainland Chinese guys = absolutely "NO" !

[Jan]

I've told my girl many times. I am not Chinese. And I will never be. Even though I wish to learn Chinese language, culture and customs.

We have also had many misunderstandings. But we talk it out. Find out what are the cultural differences or why has there been misunderstanding. Or why is there a problem in the first place...

She and I are beginning to understand that there are a lot of things the opposite in our cultures, in the ways we speak and express our selves... So there are going to lots of things that feel rude, or wrong, or evil, sad etc... But then we just have to ask, talk it out, figure out whats going on. "is this what you meant?"... Usually its me doing most of the work. But still its together...

I've also asked her if she wanted me to be Chinese. She has always said no. That no Chinese man could be as nice as I am, or as caring, etc etc...

You need to let her know what is acceptable. What is not. My girl has tried to be jealous, sad, many things... But some things are not acceptable. She just has/had to learn to trust me. And I always tell her if I feel that something is not acceptable...
Especially jealousness was a big problem at the start. She always felt and thought that I could leave her any day. But the longer we know, the more she knows me. The more she trusts, the better she understands.