Little Emperors

[David K]

David E

Another thing you might like to check out is the immigration status of
your inherited "problem"
He would have come over on a visitors visa....
But if he wants to study, it would be a student visa, and the requirements
are different.. at least in NZ.. and I assume OZ is similar
To get to Uni he requires proof of a reasonable standard of English..
IELTS 5.5 or 6, and then to demonstrate good attendance at lectures, and
pass a reasonable number of his papers..
Letting these lapse could result in the cancellation of his student Visa..
( Here in NZ we had had a lot of abuse of the Student Visa scheme)..

I have known sponsors in situations like yours who have requested
that immigration monitor a specific student for compliance...
spoilt brat behaviour then becomes an issue between him and immigration,
not between him and his mother...

And of course there is the issue of Uni Fees ...not a small cost.... to be
borne by

Peace
David K

<< Age And Experience trumps Youth And Arrogance >>

[Rhonald]

But I am prepared for that if that is how it must be...could it be that I have been set-up for this game plan from day 1 of my relationship.??..what a ghastly thought.

I think it would be better to look at it as being a situation that your wife either can not or doesn't want to change her viewpoint in her relationship with her son. Maybe the Culture has been beaten too much into her that if she doesn't cherish her son, she thinks she would be labled a bad mother. My stepson many times has told my wife that she was a bad mother and that she did not love him.  I know with my wife her viewpoint is that if her son is not willing to change, then he will need to move out. She has become tired of him talking down to her.

I can understand the loosing ones cool and yelling at the boy with his return look as you so aptly described as him seeing a dog as I have had the same happen to me. My new approach is to shame him into compliance. He was being lazy at night and keeping a 4 liter milk jug in his room to pee in. Since he was not emptying it, the room started to stink. My first attempt by telling him to stop did not seem to work, so I hung a sign translated into Chinese that stated that even animals do not pee where they sleep.

[Arnold]

 Since he was not emptying it, the room started to stink. My first attempt by telling him to stop did not seem to work, so I hung a sign translated into Chinese that stated that even animals do not pee where they sleep.
[/quote]

Boy Rhonald.. you deserve better than that! After waiting over two years, to receive this as payment is a big junk to swollow. Then again, we were able to fight the "Evil" Immigration People.. so this can't be too bad.
Like we have been called (or called ourselves) non-quiter's.. we must fight on or "We'll" loose Face.. get it?

[Willy The Londoner]

These are certainly good lessons to be learned here.  Not only immigration to deal with but grown up sons as well.

I thank God that my situation is not quite the same.  Just the one 'set to' and it was over for me with thanks from my wife.

Tell me please that my two adult step daughters are not going to turn the same way.

Willy

[David E]

David K

Yep...I have already checked out the mechanisms as to how he can come here for Uni. study. We have several options, including a family reunion visa when Ming gets her Permanent Residency in December. So there is no real Immigration impediment for him to come here to study.

I know that I will be up for his Uni fees as a foreign student, and this aint cheap !!!!! But I would gladly pay for him if he was a reasoable, responsible kind of Boy, in fact, if he were so, he would have a real good friend, Mentor and substitute Father in me.....but he needs to somehow convince me that he can and will change....difficult I know, but I dont want my life for the next 4 years or so being a constant battleground between me , him and his Mother...I would rather be single again and smell the roses  ...At my age, I have done the hard yards and just want an easy, quiet and peaceful life with my wife and family.....and I wont compromise that for anything.

[maxx]

Willy that all depends on you.If you don't play into there game.Then the game is no fun.And they will be alright.After they try 4 or 5 times to get you to play the game.Kids need to know there place in the world.Once they learn there place.They are usually ok.The main thing with a kid is be consistant.If they do something.And it isn't ok with you this time.The next time they do it.remind them that it isn't still ok.

David E Your wife needs a intervention.In the worse possible way.If she is changing the emperor shoes.That means she has done it for years.My suggestion is talk to her and explain that that kind of behavior is not tolerated in Australia.Or any other western country.And that if she wants him to succeed in life in Australia.He is going to have to learn some manners and respect.Explain to your wife.That if her son continues with this kind of behavior when he is a adult.Somebody else is going to set him straight.And it won't be a pleasent experience for the kid.

Check your PM.

[Arnold]

You know Maxx talking about the Shoe thing (maybe I'm luckier than I think) Qing use to do the "bring the slippers to me", but now she has her Son doing it. As soon As I walk into the door , I hear Mama yell in Chinese and surprise.. here "He" come with my Slippers. So they do LISTEN to Mom on certain things, if it include "Me" I assume. Now If he can do that for me, than he also can learn to do it for Mommy.. especially at 11 yrs. old.

David, if you have Skype.. maybe Qing could talk to your Wife and simplify your Life a little.. at least with Ming. Let me know in a PM, if you wish.

[David K]

Yep...I have already checked out the mechanisms as to how he can come here for Uni. study. We have several options, including a family reunion visa when Ming gets her Permanent Residency in December. So there is no real Immigration impediment for him to come here to study.

I suppose I am showing my nasty side ( for a good cause tho) in suggesting
there might be a way for Immigration to say No, rather then you having to carry the can

.At my age, I have done the hard yards and just want an easy, quiet and peaceful life with my wife and family.....and I wont compromise that for anything.

Likewise... But, as they say " The show ain't over until the fat lady sings her song "

[David K]

Thinking aloud... Seems that while your difficulties are with young 'McHorrible',
you have time before he returns to vandalise your life, to work with your
lovely wife.

Here in NZ there are specific teams that deal with asian issues
within our district health boards.
I've attached a pdf presentation of one such group.
Meanwhile maybe you could persuade your wife/you to attend such a seminar
( explain that it is so her son can have a better life in OZ ).
They are VERY familiar with the little prince fiasco, and being mandarin/english speakers
and somewhat distant from the drama, they can be very helpful.

They say you can get the Girl out of China, but you will never get the China
out of the Girl. But this might help 

[David K]

Tell me please that my two adult step daughters are not going to turn the same way.
Willy

Can't see that happening Willy..
Underneath that combative cockney front ...there is a kind heartedness...
And that's what they will spot... and appreciate, in some oriental fashion

[Philip]

Whe the first occurrence happened....it was when he came in from a brief walk around the neighborhood....he opened the front door and stood there and shouted....she immediately rushed to the door, removed his walking shoes and put on his slippers WHILST HE STOOD THERE and waited for her to do it...needless to say...I blew up BIG TIME.

David, when I mentioned the shoe incident to my wife, her reaction was, "He's not her father!". In other words, this might be the respect paid by a daughter to a father, but there's something wrong somewhere if a mother is commanded by her own son. It's not very Confucian, even though the woman is paying respect to a "man" (read "stunted adolescent"), so how did we get to this state of affairs? It's not even very Oedipal - Oedipus wanted to have sex with his mother, not make her his slave. It's a little Maoist with regard to the place of women, mixed with the only child little emperor syndrome.
My only advice to you comes from years of teaching four and five year-olds (quite apt considering the childish behavior of your step-devil). If you can get on roughly the same page as your wife re. discipline (privately, discussing the hypothetical permutations of his behaviour), then I would give him some simple stark choices regarding the consequences of his behavior in the future.

[Willy The Londoner]

.Kids need to know there place in the world.Once they learn there place.They are usually ok.

Yes Maxx kids have a place in the world - but it is definately not in my world.  I feel much happier without having the problems of ever having had kids to worry over.

Willy

[Scottish_Robbie]

Besides which Maxx, he has me to worry about...LOL

[shaun]

That might scare the daylights out of some people Rob. 

[ron]

I am curious how many of you come from a divorced family?Myself growing up it wasnt pleasant.I guess I am trying to look at it from their perspective .It doesnt mean that they are right doing this but there may be some underlying problems.Could be attention or many things.Maybe something that can be worked out between your wife and yourself or counseling?Most of my friends have had the alpha male experience right here where their son thought he was an adult in his teenage years.I had to correct my son for that.That was our only argument.I am just throwing it out there as a reason for the disruption