My search

[JustJim]

Hi everyone...  I am new to this site.  I have been lurking for a little while and I have been on China Love for about a month.

I am not new to forums and do not mind posting about my questions, concerns and my search.  In fact, because I am so new to all of this and need to learn everything I intend to make this thread my history of my search for a good Chinese woman, and my go to spot for any questions I might have, and a welcome place for any information all of you might think I need.

I am already in contact with a couple of women.  I will post about them tomorrow.  I just wanted to introduce myself and give you all a chance to know that I exist.  And I send my best to IrishGuy65 - I have been reading along and I know he is in China now - and meeting his gal.  I hope it all goes well.

Anyways, I look forward to hearing from anyone who wants to comment.  I will be back tomorrow with more...

[Robertt S]

Welcome to the forum! Hope you enjoy yourself and find the information you are seeking.

[Martin]

Good luck and we look forward to learning more about you. And welcome to our site.

[Willy The Londoner]

Welcome aboard Matey.  Oops maybe your not a seafarer but like ships?

Hope that is not a slow boat to China you have there!

There is a lot of experience on here not just for the initial meetings face to face but also the trials and tribulations that inevitably arise and the utter joy that comes later when all your dreams are fulfilled.

Willy

[shaun]

Welcome Jim.

[Arnold]

Welcome Jim! You definitely come to the right place for most if not all info your looking for or need. I even let you borrow my Arrow to catch a Lady's heart. Good Luck!

[JustJim]

Slow boat to China....!  I did not see that coming.  Very funny, Willy.  :-)

Thanks for all of the welcomes.

My interest in Tall ships is both artistic and romantic.  I have never sailed on one.  It is on my bucket list though.

I guess just like this is on my bucket list.  I don’t think I need to preach to the choir as to why I am here.  I just one day decided it was time for me to pursue my dream.  The kids are out of the house and I have no reason not to pursue this.

Well, an easy decision to make, but the more I read the more overwhelmed I become.  I didn’t know this would be so challenging, so expensive, and require so much paperwork and coordination and crossing of t’s and dotting of  I’s.

But I am here, and I am determined.  It’s just that I need help. 

I am going to read as much here as I can.  If there are any threads you all think I should follow I am open to suggestions.

Perhaps I should start by telling you what I have learned so far.

First – China Love site is both a scam and for real.  I get that.  I have internet dated here in the US and I don’t think things are a whole lot different.  Women AND men post pictures that are 20 years old, they paint rose colored glasses pictures of themselves, they all want the dream, and some of them are 30 something scammers who have just recently moved to Ghana because their father died and they need money to come back to the States so that they can marry you.   :-)   I have read and heard a lot of stories and I’m okay with having to wade through the muck to find someone good.

Also I have learned first hand that if the woman cannot contact me outside of China Love then I am going to spend a small fortune just trying to stay in contact with her.

Two – when I do find someone I want to pursue a relationship with I am going to have to visit them in China, I am going to have to document EVERYTHING, I am going to have to hire an immigration lawyer, I am going to have to get her here on a K1 visa and then – at LEAST a year after first meeting her, I will have the chance to finally figure out if she is someone I want to marry.

Three – some of the  admiration letters are from scammers – and it is up to me to figure out which ones are sincere and which ones are not.

Anyways, it is all very daunting, but I’m up for it.  But really...  a lot of help please.

Like I said before I have been lurking and I have been active on the China Love site.  Most of the admirer letters I have gotten have not impressed me at all because they sound too “pie in the sky.”  The only two that I have responded to have been very informal, very “this is me, I hope you like me, I hope I hear from you.” 
Very real… ( yeah, but even that could be a scam....some translator figured out that the “real” approach works better...)  I’m not being a sceptic – just a realist.

Anyways, I have a very narrow window of what my interests are as far as the women I respond to.  I guess you can say that I know what I need...

Right now I am corresponding with two women.  Both approached me with admirer letters.  In my profile I am VERY specific that I am looking for someone to move to the US to be with me.  I want to visit China but I can’t live there.  My work, my kids, my life is here.  I am very upfront that I am asking whoever is interested in me to make a very big change in THEIR life.  I guess because of that I have been very hesitant to approach any woman because of what their profile might say.  Maybe if they said straight out that they were looking to move to the US…Besides I have been inundated with admirer letters.  It is enough just to weed through them.

The weeding through process has been interesting.  For me I like the natural, athletic, ponytail look, so all these photos with dolled up women in short dresses and outlandish costumes have not impressed me at all.  More about that when I talk about the women I am corresponding with.

It has all been very interesting, and I have already spent more money than I thought I would have to.  Oh well, I am working on that.  I signed up with QQ and I am learning how to chat and to cam on that.

I could go on but this is already too long.  Good night everyone and I will be back tomorrow.  Thanks for reading...

[shaun]

Jim just because they contacted you first does not mean it isn't a scam.  My thoughts are that it is even more likely a scam.  You need to be careful and pay attention to everything that is said.

One think I know for sure is that the agencies don't always keep their stories and comments straight.  If you find yourself saying, "but I thought you said...."  Then you need to perk up and pay attention even more.  It isn't a 100% certainty that it is a scam but I imaging it would be like 99.999999% a scam.  Just be careful.

There are other sites to look at.  One of the member here has a site that is carefully watched.  It is called www.xingfulove.com.  There are others like blossoms.com which take a little navigation to understand.  There is China Love Links and many many others.

Good hunting.

[Willy The Londoner]

Shaun is right., Be wary of any approaches via admirers letters.  Be also aware that the vast majority of women never ever see your profile.  Many have never even be the agency they are signed with and are never given access to the Chnlove system.

They do everything by telephone, they do not write to your directly. You write to them, the lady receives a phone call and is given a 'precis' of what you said. If they can think of an answer there and then they give it but usually what you receive back is the translators reply. Anything the agency does not want the lady to know is omitted from what is told to the lady.

The translators build up a relationship with both you and the lady in an effort to keep the EMF revenue coming in and to collect their commission when a lady is introduced to you in person.  Yes every meeting the lady has with a potential suitor has to be paid for right up to them trying for the weighty success fee.

Willy

[maxx]

Jim I would like to tell you.That Willy and Shaun are to paranoid for their own good.But that would be miss leading.It works exactly like Willy outlined in his post.I have to disagree with Some things Shaun posted.Many a member here has married the lady from the Admiration letters.Willy and Shaun Did not marry ladies from Chinlove.Willy walked up to his lady and just confused her and before she figured out what was going on.She was married to a Limey.And thought it was better then being married to a Chinese guy.So she stuck around. .Shaun married a woman from a different site.Where there is no translater interference.

I like Mike's thoughts on the matter.It is straight forward and to the point.Write the lady,Skype,Or qq the lady.Get the initial trip over.And see if this is right for you.Have you read the rules? If not they are posted here.And it is well advised that you read them.Know them.And live by them.Until you and the lady are comfortable together.And can laugh at each others cultural differences.While still respecting them.

Learn what face is.Learn what it means to the lady and her family.I could write a very long and detailed explanation of what face is.And my explanation could be totally wrong.As it pertains to the lady.China is a huge country and every province doe's things just a little different.And for every province.Every girl in those provinces thinks a little different.So face can be a difficult thing to understand.

[shaun]

Unfortunately this process isn't an exact science as you can see.  For every thing that we can tell you not to do you can find a person who has been successful at doing it.

I could tell you and considering the odds that you will burned at least once but I know of at least 2 guys that hit a home run the first woman they began talking to.

But I think that all here can agree that the odds are stacked against you.  Knowledge is your best tool.  You can find success and happiness.  Do your homework, look at each contact from every angle, always consider it is the translator that is talking to you and they have crafted their skills to pull the right heart strings.

I remember my first wake up like it was yesterday and it was almost 4 years ago.  I was taken hook, line, and sinker on that one.  It is easy to do but I was thinking with the wrong head.  The story is somewhere on this site.

I don't want to discourage you but you need to be aware.  Use your head, the right one, watch everything and you will find your dream woman.

[Arnold]

I've dealt with three Agencies throughout my search and I'm happy to say.. all three were honest! But that was in 2007 and Chnlove was still more honest and less money grabbers. So we know (us old timers) that new Searcher's are up to far more of an challenge then what were used to. We do have enough members though, to guide you along no matter what problem/bump in the road arises for you.

[Martin]

I used chnlove, but if I had to do it all over again, I would steer clear. It wasn't until after I was married did I discover that the translator was not passing important information back and forth. Also, keep in mind, that with a huge language barrier (assuming she doesn't speak English), this is going to add huge challenges to your relationship. Although many can read and write English, the spoken word is something you need to consider.

What I mean is, if she doesn't speak much English, and you marry her and bring her home, how are you going to communicate with her?  It's not realistic to think that you will be emailing each other, and using pocket translators. Just something to keep in mind. This comes from my own experience.

[Willy The Londoner]

I've dealt with three Agencies throughout my search and I'm happy to say.. all three were honest! But that was in 2007 and Chnlove was still more honest and less money grabbers.

This was what I was going to point out to Maxx.  Any dealings he had with Chnlove in those early days, many many years ago, when he was on the trail,  were carried out on a different level. 

You could ask the lady via the translator for contact details and more often than not you got them as the agencies were more akin to making their money on the success fees rather than the emfs.

But in recent years things have changed. Chnlove have bought in more and more restrictions in an attempt to boost their flagging sales. Remember it was bought out a few years back and now the agency staff are banned from providing contact details. The risk being for the agencies is expulsion from the chnlove network and for the individuals translator - the sack.

Willy

[JustJim]

Hi everyone…

Thanks for all the feedback.   

Maxx – do you have a link to “the rules?”  I haven’t run across that yet.

Mike – I am working my way through your “trips.”  I can see how only EMF ing is not good.

Willy – I really appreciate the experience that you have.

Shaun – exact science – I get that.  I am learning as I go.  It might be best at this point to talk about the ladies I am communication with and the totally different experiences I am having with each one.

Right now I am talking with two ladies.  Both rate their English as being “fair.”  I will call them “X” and “Y” – not their real initials – but in China those could be their real initials...   I digress...

I responded to “X” first.  A lot of EMFs, some chatting on the site, and totally unable to get her to contact me outside of the site.    Also no new pictures.

I responded to “Y” mostly because I was frustrated with my dealings with “X” and just wanted to see if that was going to be the case every time.

By the end of two emails with “Y” we had shared QQ numbers, then we chatted on QQ and she sent me pictures of her, her condo, her travels.   I asked her if she had a cam and she said she would get one.  Four days later she surprised me during our chat time on QQ by requesting a video chat and then there she was, in real time...  but she hadn’t thought to get a microphone.  I thought it was cute that she wasn’t aware that she would need one, and she said she would get one of those soon.

Anyways – night and day difference in these two experiences...

It puzzles me – because if Willy is right how did “Y” get my QQ number?  Why would a translator allow us to pass QQ numbers to each other?

My dealings with “X” seem more like the case that I am talking through a translator.

With “Y” we are talking privately so of course there is no translator involved.  But – when I stopped EMF ing with her and started QQ ing about three days later I got an EMF from her.  It did not sound like her in the EMF and I asked her about it when we were on QQ.  She had no idea what I was talking about.  I let it go – (I don’t understand any of this talk about “face”) and we moved on – but I let the agency know through the “rating” on the EMF translation that I knew what was going on and that I was not happy about it.

Things with “Y” are progressing and things with “X” are dwindling.  I told “X” not to EMF me unless it was in response to an EMF of mine and she agreed.  Then today I got an EMF from her – talking about going to the beach and eating hot dogs and crab legs and oysters... all very nice... except that “X” has written in the past that she is a vegetarian.

So...it might be time for an ultimatum with “X.”  But if she is real and just having to go through a translator – like Mike’s situation – I want to give them a chance to turn things around.

I just don’t know how to go about doing that.  Basically she told me that a hacker ripped off her QQ account and she is leery about using that again.  She said that she has a friend who is away for this month on a business trip who can help her get a new account set up.  She says that she is not that computer savvy.

Well, I guess I sound like the schmuck here.  That’s not really the case.  I haven’t lost anything but a few dollars yet, and I have time to sort this all out.  Plus I am learning.

I might get burned – I will probably have to go to another site to find a better experience.
I understand all that.  If my experience with “Y” had been the same as my frustrations with “X” I would already be done with this site.

So that is my story so far.  If anyone knows what I should do or say to get “X” to contact me outside of  the site I would love to know about that.  I can just as easily give her an ultimatum or block her completely.  And then I think about Mike’s experience and I wonder...  maybe that is too rash.

I appreciate everybody’s help.       Jim