China Romance
General Discussion and Useful Links => Ask An Experienced Member => Topic started by: maxx on August 08, 2009, 10:21:27 pm
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We will blame this on on David50 it was his idea.And I thought it could be interesting.If it works that would be nice.We are going to need some other contributers beside me.So come on David50,Nik Martin,Arnold,JimB, Peter, Hajo,Ed,And any body else I forgot.
I will call this one ambushed at the Chinese restraunt.
08-08-09 I took my wife and son today to Alburqurque.So my wife could go grocery shopping at the Asian market.There is a Chinese restraunt around the corner from the market my wife likes to eat at.So everytime we go to Alb we stop there and eat lunch.
We have ben doing this since my wife came to the states so we are well known in this restraunt.The owner and the waitreses will come over and talk to my wife.While we are eating.
Today one of the wattreses told my wife she has a friend in China.Who got a divorce.And her friend now wants to marry a foriegn man.My wife tells the watresses about a web site that I signed my wifes friend up to.And she met and Married a Man from Houston Texas.
So I give the watress the web site name.And I tell the waitress how to do it.My wife tells the waitress that there was a simpler way to do this.
I seen this man that was sitting by himself eating.He had ben there a long time.And was takeing his time.Everytime the owner would walk by ore one of the watresses the man was watching them real close.And smiling way to much everytime they said something to him.He was a shy looking guy.(That looked a lot like Martin.I kid you not) I told my wife that the man really liked Chinese women
So my wife tells the waitress What I said about the man that he realy likes Asian's and that he is to shy to say anything.So the waitress walks over to the mans table.And says in broken English.You like Chinese women.I have friend in China who would like to talk to you.
The mans face turns bright red and his jaw just hits the table.I almost fall out of the booth we are sitting at.I'm laughing so hard.All the man can do is just sit there.With this dumb look on his face.The watress is standing there waiting for a answer.And all I can do is laugh.
I finnaly pull myself together.Walk over to the mans table and tell him that she is not messing with him.That she realy does have a friend in China and she would like to meet a foriegn man.The man still can't get it together so I explain it to him again.And he finnaly gets it. I give him the address to here and tell him how to get here.
When we left the restraunt the man was giving the waitress his information.It looked like it was a start.
Sometimes Chinese women go straight to the point of what they are thinking.There is no pulling punches.They don't mean to be mean to you.They are just stating what they see and how they see it.
This was not the ordinary day.What was ordinary was having the owner at the table and the watresses talking to my wife playing with the boy.The 2 chinese restraunts we go to the Asian market we go to.The owners will always come over and talk.
It used to bother me.Because I thought they were talking about me.After some time My Chinese understanding improved a little bit.I figured out all they were talking about was they were just exchanging information and Ideas.Just like we do here.
Ok you married guys I want to hear about the times you spend with your wive's
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Nice one Maxx and a hard one to follow, oh yeah I'm one of those anybody else you forgot :icon_biggrin:,
Lets see, i'll call this Shopping Day,
My wife and I go to an open market in south Philly for freash meat and veggies among other things, some things like spices, we spent most of our day going from stall to stall buying anything and everything it seemed, this is every weekso some of the shop keepers know me and especially my wife because she will arguee with them about price and usually walk away with a smile on her face and the owners of the stores have had some fun also, so this day we also went to Walmart to buy something, I can't remember what at this point but anyway when we went to pay for it my wife started to arguee about the price with the sales person, while I'm trying to tell her that this is not the way things are done here in major store chains, meanwhile she is starting to get loud so the manager comes over and she is telling him that she should not have to pay this much for this product and he is trying to tell her that this is the pricde and she must pay this price, she finally say to him that this product was made in her home country of China and that she is Chinese and she knows how much it cost in China so it should not be this much, she stated her case so long and so hard that the manager finally said okay, she could pay the amount that they haggeled to, there was this guy that kept saying things through out this haggeling like that one crazy Chinese bit*h and I would say pal you have no idea, you could have knocked him over with a feather when he heard the store manager say okay to a price, me , I was laughing so hard I almost pissed myself, she has been here for over 5 years and still she thinks she can haggel any price, any where, and does.
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Before Martin steals the show I have to tell you about when we went to a Spa in Changsha. It was Martin and his wife and me and Tina. All this happened on my first trip in April, before I was married....
As usual, and this is a fact, my wife will let me know what is going on in the last minute. For example she will tell us that we are invited to a dinner and will take a cab in 5 minutes. That leave me 5 minutes to take a shower and get dressed... I am getting used to this now but at the time all this happened I was only confused...
Tina and Martins wife had been talking a lot in Chinese and suddenly told me and Martin that we are going to visit a Spa. We took off in a cab and after a waiting for about 30 minutes on a street we finally went to the Spa.
We where meet by a lot of people and got a magnetic key and was showed the way to go, to the right. The Ladies went to the left. Me and Martin came in to a locker room and stood there waiting like two sheep's.. A man that spoke almost no English came forward and tried to tell us that we should take off all the clothes. After some confusion we took of the clothes and was showed to the next room where there was 2 small pools. We went into one of the pools for a while and was then showed to the next room where there was 3 saunas. One with steam and the other just ordinary saunas. After a while in the Sauna with steam we went over to one without steam. After a couple of minutes Martin had enough and went out and I stayed. After about 15 minutes I also went out. Into the next room where I was told to lay down on some kind of bench. A man came over and with something that reminded of a sandpaper scrubbed all over my body. The next room was filled with small stone pillars where I sat down and washed myself.. After this we went out in the final room and got some kind of shirt and shorts. Dressed up in this we where showed upstairs and to a resting room filled with big chairs. There was also our ladies and me and Martin sat down next to them. We where talking for a while before we fell into sleep.
When we woke up our ladies had gone away. Both Martin and I thought that this was the end so we went down to the looker room and started to get dressed. Suddenly an man came running and tried to explain for us that our Ladies was waiting upstairs for us. We had to get undressed again and into the clothes we got at the Spa again. Up the stairs and into another resting room where our ladies sat. While we was sleeping our Ladies just went to another room without telling us.
After a while we went to another room that had a pool table and table tennis still wearing the clothes we got in the Spa. Finally, about 7 o'clock we where served a great buffet dinner. About 8 or 9 o'clock we left the Spa again.....
During this time no one have told us what was going to happen, neither Tina or Martin's wife... I guess that if we was told in advance what was going to happen it could have been a great experience and a very nice thing to do but our wifes just took for granted that we knew...
Living with my wife, those 5 weeks I had in China, have been a new experience because at home I like to have some kind of control over what is going to happen. In China thing just happens and I can't do or say anything about this.. It is decided long before I am told... This give my life in China a thrilling touch and it is only to get used to it..
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My wife and I went to the lake park one day and were inquiring about the price of the paddleboats. While she's talking with the attendant this bum comes up to me obviously looking for a handout. I'm just slightly behind my wife and her back is to this bum, totally unaware he's behind her. I'm trying to trying to think of a not so obvious way of getting my wifes attetion since I'm not sure how to deal with this. It's not my country afer all and if I do wrong I can potentially take face from my wife or lose my own so I give my wife a quick poke in the side and motion behind her and as soon as she gets a look at him she instantly she spins around and says a few sharp words to him and grabs my hand and whisks me away. Now, I view the chinese language as a pretty sounding language and hardly know any of it myself (not for long since i'm enrolled in the chinese school near my home, beginning in Sept) but what she said to this guy was anything but pretty.
OK, so that's no so much an everyday thing but thought it was funny none the less. I did however realize something today. My wife will alter her sense of duty. I'm not gonna hijack this thread though. Look for it later.
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Well , here is one incidence that I posted at Jonna's Blog three month's ago . Hence I have enough work writing my own Book , instead having somebody do it for me ... I'm too lazy to write it over , so I just picked it up there and will post it here .
This story brings out the Frugalness of my Wife , not to pay more if it mean's walking back to the Hotel . It also show's my generosity toward a nice Person , that deserve's it .
Shanghai MiFeng said...
Jonna , I like to use this opportunity , to tell you of my one and only Taxi misfortune . In August last year , the day after our Wedding day . It was a Saturday and of course all the light's are on in Shanghai on the Friday and Saturday . So , my wife and I , took my Family and my Mom (from Germany)to the Pearl Tower for the View of the City . After we got down and ready to go home , about 22:00 , I stopped a Taxi for my Mom and my Uncle and Aunt and send them off to their Hotel . So , now my Wife and I , looking to do the same and stop a Taxi to take us back to Puxi from Pudong . But you think , one of them stopped ? They just kept driving right by you empty and the green light on . What is this we thought ? When , one of those Van's ( none Taxi's ) stopped and told my Wife , that will be 100 yuan . My wife told him go to you know where , your crazy . She is right , we never pay'd more then 23 yuan for the same Trip back to our Hotel . As it turns out it was going to be almost Midnight by now , and I saw a Taxi on the other side of the Road and waved him over and my God , he turned around and stopped . Took us to the Hotel Downtown Holiday Inn and he only ask for 23 yuan as usual , but it being so late and he was nice enough to take us to the Hotel , I gave him the 100 yuan , that those other Jerk's wanted . You should have seen his face and how surprised he was , as I handed him that Bill ? Heck , I still feel so good about having done that . Special People , need to be treated as such . As for my Wife , what are you doing ??? She know's now and agree's , that I have done the right thing . Hahaha
May 19, 2009 12:49 PM
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Firstly, Michael I crack up every time i read or tell that story about Wal-mart, and I tell it a lot. And Ed, I have heard that voice, it is not one that I want used on me. Angel used it on a driver that tried to change a deal once we made it. I have never seen a man bow and scrape and retreat as that man did. I couldnt help but chuckle, but I got a look from her that said she meant business. The smile quickly faded.
Tipping for me has always been a standard thing. I automatically give 20%, but I have learned not to do that. Before we were engaged all I got was a look, after it was a different story. From then on it was NO, you do not tip. Everything is in cost. You cannot waste that money!
I am sure now that we will be living together, I will have more stories. But, i thank Maxx, Arnold, Dinger, Michael, Ed , Peter and the rest for letting me get a heads up. Knowing what to expect helps to keep an even keel.
The first time I got a heads up was on kissing. i thank Irish for giving me a heads up on that. It would have totally thrown me if he had not told us about it. Now we use a combination of Chinese, western with a Southern twist. I like that a lot. hehe
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Well it looks like this is going ok.I want to thank the other members for there imput.The more imput we have the better this is going to be.
Food is important.
When I was a kid I grew up poor so we missed a few meals.But food was not one of my main concerns.My job was cutting the firewood to stay warm in the Colorado winters.
When I left home at seventeen food was still not the most important thing on my mind.Other things are more important to me.
With my wife food is really important.If she thinks there is a lack of edible food in the house.It can and will be a bad day until the situation is fixed.don't get me wrong there is so much food around are house that it is falling out of the cabnits.There is still halfe of a pig in the freezer.
But the food must be the kind of food that she can cook into Chinese food.Chicken breast pork ribs.pork meet.Whole chickens,And there must be fresh vegitables along with fresh fruit.So we need to go to the grocery store at least two times a weak and the asian market about once a month.Depending on her mood.(The asian market is a 6 hour drive round trip) and we must stop and eat Chinese food. And we go to a local Chinese restraunt once a weak.And then there is the food packages from my motherinlaw..They arrive about every 2 months.There is fish all kinds frozen freezedried canned smoked.Along with Chinese candies and ussually some clothes for are son.
Now don't get me wrong I like Chinese food the stuff you get in the states.And the real stuff my wife cooks.But I can't eat it all the time.I like steak brawtwerst mexican food Italion food.My wife doesn't so everyday she eats her food and I eat my food.She cooks whats she wants I cook what I want.We hardly ever eat the same thing at the same time.
This is expensive But it is a must for harmoney in are house.I remember the first time I went to China.After about a weak of eating nothing but Chinese food.I thought I was going to starve to death.I needed to eat some steak.Eat French fries drink the right kind of beer.Be in the right kind of atmosphere to enjoy the food.
So I understand where my wife is comming from.And to keep the peace in the house we go grocery shopping alot.And food has become much more important to me.
We were going to visit my older Kids.They live in Arkanssas wich is a 15 hour drive from where we live.I told my wife that she wouldn't be able to eat Chinese food on the trip.Because there just wasn't any Chinese restraunts.So it makes her a little sad.But she still wants to go.
so we are driving on the trip.And there is New Chinese restraunts all the way to Arkansas.so we ate Chinese about every meal comming and going.How times have changed I never remember seeing thoose restraunts before and I have ben up and down that rd a 100 times before,Just on vacations and when i drove a Semi for a living.
So anyway be prepared to accomidate your new wifes food preferance.Learn where the Asian markets are and a good buffet restraunt.
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Maxx , I guess I'm lucky , there is the best chinese Buffet in all of LA area just ten minutes from my House . Yeah , that's one plus point for me . Now I need to find a Asian Market nearby . Chinatown is 70 miles away . I'm like you , I like a good Steak here and there and Potatoe's which Qing think's are Poison for you . Oh my ?
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There aren't any Chinese grocery stores in Cyprus, ...None!! ...There is a sort of Indian Asian store, where she buys stuff from. Other than that, she can get different bit's from the major supermarkets here like noodles and different sauces/mixers. Her family send her food parcels , something along the lines of what Maxx wife receives.
Actually, Lucy quite likes Western food, so it's never a problem going to restaurants here. ( there every other shop..... it's a holiday Island after all) She's not too keen on the Chinese restaurants over here, reckons it's all fake Chinese food, hahaha!! But it doesn't stop her going to them, maybe, just to be able to rabbit away in Chinese. Even that's a problem, our local Chinese is staffed by HK Chinese, so language problems again, but they seem to be able to communicate pretty well.
When we do go out, it's normally chicken meat that she'll order, where I'll always be going for that thick juicy steak. Occasionally she'll order a pork chop, Now i don't know what sort of size of pork chops your used to in your country, ...in UK they tend to be tiny to small things similar to what you would get in China. Here they fill your plate, and it's always a pleasure to see the look on Lucy's face when her plate is put in front of her. We have a couple of small dogs, they always benefit when Lucy orders pork chops haha!! Thank god for Doggy bags!! ...haha!!
All our friends know what Lucy likes to eat now, so anyone having a BBQ, knows that she only tends to eat the chicken and veg kebabs, although she has been known to have a chicken leg at times. Our friends like to come to our BBQs, because of all the side dishes and sauces available to them that she makes herself. I've often told her to go into production, but she's not too keen on that idea. ..hahaha!! Another thing I've noticed, if we are still at a friends BBQ towards the end, it's Lucy that's going round collecting up plates, glasses and cups, ....and given the chance, starting on the washing-up too. I try and leave before she can start on the washing-up now day's, or we could be there for another hour haha!!
As for general food around the house, She just goes out and buys it fresh in the village here, a 2 minute walk. We have everything she wants as such available locally. We even have a discount fruit an veg shop now, that's just opened. As most of you know, the Chinese will pick-up and check every item of fruit and veg before they will buy it, you should see the look on the Cypriot shopkeepers faces, and the other customers come to that. haha!! Lucy just smiles at them and nods her head .....they always seem to smile back!! ...lol!! Does she know how to barter? ...you bet she does, for anything and everything, ..i tend to walk away and let her get on with it, ...and i'm very used to bartering myself, it's a way of life in the middle east, but Lucy can go to the extremes, and she rarely fails. God bless her big heart, hahaha!!
Oh, one more thing before i close, .... Lucy has picked up Greek here, she's by no means fluent, but she knows enough words and strings of words to be able to make herself understood quite well... Me i know the odd word or two, i rely on the Cyp's knowing English!! hahaha!!
David....
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JimB, no crap, now when we go to the walmart and the manager sees Zhou coming down an isle he will run out of the store, the last time we went there he almost killed himself trying to run away, he ran smack into a support poll, he hit so hard the poll rang.
Where we live, there is a Chinese buffet, its very good, the woman that owns it ha sknown me for the last 8 years, shortly after she arrived here she opened the Buffet, well it turns out that she and her girlfriend in China lost contact after she married and moved here because her GF also married and moved away her friends name was Weng Zhou, yeah you guessed it same person but at the time I didn't know Zhou, I had just gotten back from Zhuhai.
After I met Zhou and we were staying together in Indiana, I found out that she wanted to come be with me in Pa., now I had also found out Zhous maiden name and I started to put together a plan, Hehe, once we were back in Pa. for a few days I asked Zhou if she would like to try a Chinese Buffet that a friend of mine owned and she said she would like that very much, ssoooo, I took her there and when the two girls seen each other My friend ( her name is Angel also JimB ) dropped the pan of fish, Zhou and Angel both let out this ear splitting Squell ( no other word for it ) ran to each other hugged, cryed, and started talking, laudly, in Chinese, I waited for a few minutes for the dust to settle and walked over to them, Angel asked where did I find her friend and why did I go looking for her?, Zhou was just looking at me and she wasn't smiling, just looking with tears in her eyes, then when I told them the story of meeting Zhou and Angel telling me her story I put two and two together, then when Zhou said she wanted to be with me I put this little get together, together without either one of them knowing, they both started chattering in Chinese again and then they both started slapping the dog Sh*t out of me for a few moments and then they were both hugging me and Zhou was kissing my cheek and saying thank you over and over.
That night after we helped close the store ( like I had a choice) we all went to Angels home for tea and a long night of them talking and them whispering to each other and then lookingh at me :huh:, let me tell you, I was afraid, very afraid, I think I will be in so much trouble when it is close to Zhou giving birth, you see Angel has agreed to come and live with us for a few months before and one month after the baby is born, and then there is Mary saying she will be here to help Angel and Zhou with the baby and the house, I don't know if I can survive three Chinese women AND my 12 year old Chinese daughter all at once, I'll let you all know how that works out.
Ronan you better be taking notes, your going to need them from this thread :icon_cheesygrin: newbie
JimB, I already know you are taking notes, you said so.
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observations.
We went to the Asian market the other day.Like I said before.And I wanted to comment on this.Because it is a little interesting to me.Besides being able to buy food from all over Asia.You get to see other cross culture couples and I get to watch how they interact with each other and the shoppers around them.
The white guy and the Chinese girl was the only couple to talk to me.He was looking for roasted nuts or something so he asked if I had seen them.His wife said hi and that was it.They had a kid with them that was probably 15 he looked like he was madd at the world and kept giving the white guy a evil look.I never did see them talking.
The couple that interested me the most was the dark complected Phillipino women and the older white guy.The reason they interested me the most was she was probably 25 at the most.And he had to be in his sixties.They had 2 kids with them.A little girl that was probably 3 years old with dark curly hair.And real light complected.And a baby boy probably 3 months old.Also light complected.
So I wonderd about them.Is that her husband?Or her husbands father?.If that is her husband one part says what are you thinking the other part says go man go.That old and still making babies you have to admire that.You also wonder how he was able to obtain a visa for her.Since in the U.S. they really watch for that kind of thing..I heard that man talking to the little girl.But I didn't hear him talking to the women.So i'm thinking that he was taking his sons wife out to buy the food.
Other observations in China.I have spent a lot of time in the south of China in Guangdong province.You see plenty of other foriegn men eather doing buissnes with a company or seeing a women.As we walk past each other or if we see each other in a restraunt we will nod to each other or wave to each other as we pass.Sometimes we will even stop and talk a little bit exchange information.So no big deal.
Where it gets a little weird is in centrel China along the Yangse river.We hang out in a town Called JiuJiang.My wifes family is there.I have ben in China enough times that I'm allowed to wonder around on my own unsupervised for hours on end.So I will walk along the river or go to the stores to have a look.Nobody ever bothers me because They don't speak very much English that far inland.And my Chinese is real bad.
Last time we were there I was out by myself walking around.I had stopped at the noodle shop around the corner from my inlaws house.I was playing around with my sisterinlaws friend.Just teasing her in English.To see if I could get her to smile.
While I was standing there a foreigner walked by.He didn't say a word make any kind of gesture.I know he seen me.Because he looked right at me.I know he wasn't paying attention to the women he was with because she was talking to the translater.He was just looking around.
All the time I have spent in JiuJiang I have never seen a foriegn person.This city is of the beaten track you have to be going there to get there.So I think the man is just totaly out of his element and thinking to himself what the hell am I doing here.
The translater had to point me out to the man.And the man just gave me a vague wave and off he went down the road.The lady and the translater.Are just left standing there beside me.While the man keeps walking.The lady and the translater both had this strange look on there face.
That has to be one of the strangest encounters I have had with a foriegn man in China.In Gz when I was there for the interview.We had tables pushed together for all the Americans.We spent all morning talking to each other.At the post office in Gz.One American walked across the room to talk to me I was leaning against the back side of a piller.I'm sure I wasn't easy to see.
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i had to laugh so hard since Martin's wife finally let him go to the bakery by himself, Maxx can walk along the river by himself, but my wife wont let me go outside and smoke alone. There's got to be something to this....Do we really appear to need sitters? LMAO
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Ed its a chinese thing my motherinlaw watches me like I'm 3 years old.Maybe it is because I mess with the neigbors all the time.
No Seriosly I think it is they just want us to be safe.
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Thanks for this Thread ... Maxx.
Thought this would be perfect to post here . Hence I'm writing my Book myself now , I told Qing about this and received a letter today answering that one . They are alway's worried about you , day and night it seems . If that is not TOTAL love , I don't know what is ?
Nong hao,Lao Gong. Thanks for your letter.I am really touched by you that you start to write our book by yourself.You know i don't want to see you overwork for it as after a long time work you need to have good rest and take care of yourself.I know we could share our happiness with others,but it is not important the book for sale.The most important thing is the Shanghai Flower and Bee want to be together and share the happiness of the wonderful life as long as possible.So we will continue to write our LOVE story together with our life ***I LOVE YOU AND FOREVER*** It just make me feel you are so lovely,my little Xian Sheng(in my eyes that you are). Every member of our family all Love you so much and want to see you again in SH.
***YOUR NICE LAO PO***
Just want to be :heart: there :heart:
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Interracial marriage.
I thought I would cover this today.I know a few of you here are thinking about this.What will people say? How will theese people treat my wife or girlfriend? Am I going to have to beat up halfe the people I know?
As most of you know Me and my wife and son live in New Mexico U.S.A.( You have to put U.S.A. after it because alot of people back east think we belong to Mexico That is a whole different story).
In New Mexico interracial coupels are no big deal.You see them all over the place.Whites married to Asian Nativa Americans,African Americans,Latinos,Indians.Hell we even let the British come here and marry are women.And the other races do marry out of there own race.I know a guy that is from American samoa.He is married to a Navajo Women.They have 3 kids together.So as far as this goes it is ok in New Mexico.
There has ben only a couple of times that I have ran across this problem in the states.I used to run a conscesion stand at concerts and Mixed fighting events.One night a kid about 19 seen my wife working at the conscesion stand.And told his buddy.Hey look they have a gook working there.When I stood up the kid and his friend ran off.The second time was a waiter at a Chinese restraunt.He told my wife that I brought her to America to sell her.The next time we went to that restraunt the waiter had ben fired.I don't know why.I didn't say anything to the owners.
The only ones that seam to have a problem with this is some Chinese people in China.And that is only after I won't buy what they are trying to sell me.Then the name calling startes.My wife has ben called alot of different things.By other Chinese people she just ussualy blows them off.And its over with.The only reason I know about it is because she will tell me latter.Long after the oppertunity to beat the hell out of the offending person is gone.
My Friends family the Neighbors.All like my wife.There has ben only one time where anybody ever said a racial slurr to my wife.My wife has ben from California all the wat to Arkansas and back.There has never ben a problem
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my wife and I did quite a bit of shopping in China but she never informed me of any racial stuff of any kind. It might have occured but she never said anything. Where I live in california I highly doubt anyone will notice besides her challenge with the language.
I give my wife much credit to fend off racial remarks since knowing her as I do, she'd likely not tell me ever anyway.
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I don't think, that LA is going to be a problem with Interracial Couple's at all for two reasons;
1st: this here is a melting pot of all nationalities
2nd: most of the Folk here are too drunk or stoned to realize anything out of the ordinary
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I asked this question to my wife yesterday, she said that no one has ever said anything to her about us being together, no one has ever made any bad or negative remarks to her. I asked her twice, "are you sure",,"yes, I never had any bad remarks" she replied. I guess it depends on the area you are in,,some places will accept it better then others.
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I asked this question to my wife yesterday, she said that no one has ever said anything to her about us being together, no one has ever made any bad or negative remarks to her. I asked her twice, "are you sure",,"yes, I never had any bad remarks" she replied. I guess it depends on the area you are in,,some places will accept it better then others.
Yea Bob I think you are correct. Before I started this search for my Chinese lady, I never really noticed mixed couples much unless other things made them stand out. Now I work in retail outlet and just this weekend alone I have noticed 6 or 8 whiteguy/asian woman couples. Maybe its because this is now what I am looking for, maybe they were always there and I just didnt notice, but I sure notice now lol. For me its nice because at least its reassuring to me that when my lady comes here she will be accepted.
Regards
Brian
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Guys I'm really glad to here that none of you have experienced this kind of Situation.The reason I made this post is so that the members are aware that It can happen.The world is a much smaller place now.But you still do run into people with small minds.
How you deal with these kind of people is up to you and your wife.
Maxx
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You're absolutly right Maxx. My brother married a japanese woman probably 20+ yrs ago in college. She stopped her education at masters in physics but my brother continued onto gradutate school with the PHD in optical physics. After graduation his only job offer was in Bozeman, MT. After 3 yrs living there he was ready to kill them all since they were, in his words, "the most racist SOB's he'd ever encountered". I'm sure it has much to do with the region you live in but there's no doubt it does exist.
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Ed yes your right.It has alot to do with the area where you live.In New Mexico.It is all fine.But as you said in Montana it could be a problem.
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Here in Calgary we have about 7 to 10% Asian population. Many mixed marriages so not too much problems. However last year a couple of skin heads jumped an asian woman. We also have a big Sik population. It seems that a white guy with a Sik or Pakastan woman draws the biggest racial problem. The girl will be harrased by her own culture's male members.
As for wondering off while in China, on my first visit in December my wife had a Sunday music class to teach. She left me in a book store for an hour while she went to teach. I was left with a Cappuccino to nurse while I waited. I never found an English section and soon finished my coffe. Feeling bold I went back to the coffe store with the cup in hand and using my best Chinese and pointing to the cup, I tried to order another coffe. Good thing there was an English speaking customer near by to solve the clerks puzzled look. I still felt frustrated since I can speak some Spanish and the sound of coffe in Chinese is near the same as in Spanish. I believe I said " Ching gay Wa Kaffe"
Oh well, when my Yan returned, she was impressed that I ordered another cup by myself, but I had to confide in her that I had help.
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Homesick
My wife was in the states for probably 3 months.The first time she got homesick.I had done all that I could to make this feel like home to her.I got her a job.bought her a computer told her she could do what she wanted to do with it.She changed the launguge to Chinese.Down loaded QQ, Skype,It has a Chinese home page.We also go to eat Chinese at least once a week and go to the Asian market about once a month.There is Chinese wall hangings,Chinese calanders,Chinese newspapers,Rice cookers.Pretty much everything a Chinese women would need to feel at home in the states.
It wasn't enough she was still homesick.She was pregnant at the time and the doctor told her she couldn't fly.(Oh I almost forgot my wifes doctor is Chinese) So since the doctor was Chinese.And Chinese doctors Know more then American doctors.It was ok.When the baby was 3 months old off to China we went.It took me that long to get a passport and visa for are son.We ended up staying in China for 17 days.
My wife tells me today.That she is homesick.And that here body is becomming weak.She has got alergies of some kind.And when the baby was born.He didn't want to come out.So they really put her threw the mill.Now she has a nerve spasm in one leg and it bothers her,Doctor told her there is nothing they can do.That it will fix its self in time.
My wife has decided that she wants to go back to China for a visit in April or may.And stay for a couple of months.I don't have a problem with her and are son going to China and staying for a couple of months.I even think it is a good idea.
My problem is I won't see them for 2 months.I can't get that much time off of work.If I could get that much time off from work.We wouldn't be able to afford no money comming in for 2 months.
Yes I can see them on the web cam.But we all know that isn't the same.And I know how important this is to her.So I told my wife that it would be ok.
This is something that can happen when you are married to a person from another country.And At some point and time you are going to have to deal with it.I try to see it from her point of view and understand her feelings.
Talking to her family on the web cam isn't the same thing As being there.Buying and cooking her own food isn't the same as being there.I'm sure she misses the sites and sounds of China.
I'm sure after a few years in a foriegn country.That I would be homesick to.I would miss the sites and the quite of the northern deserts of New Mexico.I can cook my own food buy my own kind of beer in China.But I know it wouldn't be the same.And I don't think 17 days stay in the states would make it alright for me.
Maxx
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My wife and kids have been in China now for almost 2 months, I was with them for the first 2 weeks but had to come home to work, so its been talking to them on the phone and webcam and as Maxx has said, its not the same, Zhou wanted to see China before she could not fly again for a while.
They will be coming home in just 12 more days, I have stayed in China for extended periods of time before and have become homesick and wanted to come back to the States just to hear the sounds or lack of sound in the mountains, to smell clean air and to talk to my family, so I know what she wanted to do and we found a way for her to do it, after the baby is born we will be going back for a short trip to show off the new daughter to her family.
So Maxx how much of a hassle is it to get a passport and a Visa for a new born?
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Well spoken words of wisdom gents. It is so true that wisdom usually is generated by a hidden sadness. I wonder Max, did your wife ever live in another part of China. My wife grew up from 4 to 20 years old near the Korean border but now has lived 21 years in Shenzhen. Both places in China but different geography. I am hoping that that experience will allow her to adjust to a new change. However the cultural change will be the greater difference then the geographical change.
My parents immigrated to Canada in their mid twenties. My mom says that now Holland feels strange to her and she does not miss it. I think that when people are younger, the adjustment is not as shocking.
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Michael the hardest part was getting the birth certificate.You have to have the real deal.To get the passport.The one that the hospitol issues you cannot use.It took almost 3 months.To get everything to gether get the passport and then get the visa.You have to have all the baby shots completed.
Rhonald my wife was born in JiuJiang.After college she lived for about 3 years in Shenyang.then 2 years in Shenzen.And 5 years in Zhuhai
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Homesick.....
This is one problem that i have not experienced with Lucy to date. But then she does go home every 6 months to visit her parents that are both getting on in years now. She normally stays for 3 to 4 weeks, and that makes her happy, her parents happy, and me happy ...haha!! She also has a long list of things to bring back, from Chinese herbal medicines to shorts and t-shirts (who has never used ''prickly heat talcum powder''?haha!)
She has often said to me that she doesn't get and isn't homesick, but she doe like to visit her parents, and siblings as they are, after all a very close family. I've asked her, what about after your parents have passed away? She said that, maybe go back to see them, (siblings/family) maybe once every 1 or 2 years is OK...
I've never heard her complain about missing anything in China so far... She does love the life here, and her work keeps her mind busy, i suppose we'll just have to wait and see if anything changes as time goes on.
Actually, i'm picking her up from the airport later on tonight from a trip home, and we'll both be going back together again, early in the new year. I guess as far as we are both conserned, life at the moment is just Great for both of us!!
David......
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Kids.
Last couple of days they have ben a number of posts on how to deal with the kids from a previose marraige.I Don't think there is a easy answer.Except maybe shipping the kids off to boarding schools on the other side of the country.If you do that all your doing is causing more hard feelings.And nothing ever gets settled.
I have 2 kids from a previose marraige.A girl who is 17 and a boy who is 16.My kids don't seem to have a problem with me being married to A Chinese women. they only see her once a year.For a couple of weeks.So it ussualy isn't a problem for me.
That was until my daughter stayed with us for the summer.As far as my wife was concerned it was the end of civilization as we know it.I wasn't getting any peace.At any point and time.If I wasn't getting it from the wife I was getting it from my daughter.It would get so bad all I wanted to do was stay at work.
I had told my daughter when I went to get her to not cause any problems in my house.And i told my wife that my daughter was only going to stay for a couple of months.Every day I would come home from work and they would be just giving each other bad looks.Wouldn't say anything to each other wouldn't do nothing together.
If my daughter did something my wife didn't like.I would hear about it when I got home.So I thought I would start takeing my daughter to work with me to give my wife a break from my daughter.It worked to a certain point until We would get back home from work.Then the dirty looks would start all over again.
I asked my wife what was my daughter doing to make her so angry.My wife said that no Chinese girl would act or talk like my daughter did to there parents.My daughter is having teenage anxed.She has got a boyfriend.That neither My exwife or I like.So she is rebeling.
If Grandma hadn't said anything about the boyfriend I'm sure my daughter would of kicked him to the curb.He is more Drama then my daughter is.But since her grandmother said something about the boy she is acting up.
I finally had to set both my wife and daughter down and tell them this was how it was going to be for another month.It seemd to calm down alot.Neither one was happy but I got some piece.
They were having a culture clash.And a battle of wills.And it was going to continue untill.I delt with the problem head on.
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In some way I must say that I am happy to not have your situation Max. My daughter is 26 and I have one grandson and she have another baby on the way next month. She have gone through her fathers marriages once before when I got married to a woman from Ukraine 10 years ago. I know that she can deal with this new situation because she is a very gentile woman, just like my wife. I doubt that there would be a problem with Tina's daughter because she is a very nice girl so I must say that I am a very lucky man..
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The only real problem i ever had raising my 2 step children from my first marriage was from the Ex.
He was basically telling the 2 of them, that he was there dad, and that they should listen to him and not me!!
So big problems every time they came back from one of the monthly weekend visits. Both my wife and i tried phoning him and trying to get things sorted out amicably, all to no avail. Too easy for him to hang the phone up on us.
Eventually, i decided enough was enough, because these kids were really good kids, and he wasn't going to damage them if i had anything to do with it. So, ....off i went to confront him face to face!! He didn't want to know at first and kept trying to walk away, but i wouldn't let him, i wanted to get this sorted. eventually i got him to go and have a coffee, in one of the coffee house's. I laid things out as plainly as i could, ...OK throwing in a few lame threats, as well, ...but it did seem to do the trick. Now that was hard for me to do, because i just can't stand the guy, Thought he was something special because he was in a pop group, (a one hit wonder group), never had any money and never paid a single penny towards his kids upbringing. But, as i say, no more problems from the Ex after that meeting.
We have never had any problems from either of the Two of them, growing up thru there teen years and beyond. The boy was an out and out Arsenal (gunners) fan and is to this day .... just like his mother was haha!! He has always been surrounded by good friends that are still his friends, and i still know the names of all of them too lol!! Same with my daughter, never any problems with her either, for all her exam passes , she wanted to be a hairdresser!! (typical!! ..lol!!) So that's what she did, and now has 3 salons in her area. My son went on to University and is now a chartered building services engineer employed by a top consultancy firm.
All is not that good though, my daughter got involved with a guy that's 15 years older than her, but with a mental age of a teenager. I think everyone and there dog has told her that he's a waste of space but, ....well you know the score, she didn't listen to anyone. Anyway she married him, and been married about 3 years now. I know that she knows she made a mistake, but hey, ..... she has to work that one out for herself.
But she knows, that I'll always be there to stand by her, and that's the important thing!!
And No, they don't see much of there real dad these days, there not really that interested. I guess he let them down, just too many times over the years..... Didn't even bother to attend either of there marriages, gig venues was more important!!!
Well that's a very brief oversight of 25 yrs or so to date of my kids ...... hahaha!!
David....
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Thanks David, I can say with out a doubt that you are a man that knows what being a Dad is all about.
My dad once told me that any male could be a father but it took a real man to be a Dad.
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One of my favorite lines form the movie parenthood. "You need a license to drive a car, you need a license to catch a fish but any asshole can be a father."
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You your wife and Chinglish
For thoose of you that don't know what Chinglish is.It is The Written or spoken word.For English all across Asia.You will see it on billboards public walkways bars.Anywhere where they are trying to draw English speaking people.People in Asia who want to practice there English speak it very good.In some south pacific Islands they also speak a little different version of Chinglish
About five years ago I was cruising the enternet.Looking for some information about Thailand.I ran across this web site called Bangkok Bob.For thoose of you that don't know.Bangkok Bob is the resident authority.Of any and all things to do with Bangkok .Unfortunatly the last time I looked Bob had closed his web site and he had no plans to reopen it.
The thing that made Bob's site good was that he had everything on there that a person would need to go to Bangkok have a good time.And know exactly what they need to know to keep them selves out of trouble.The other thing he had on there was a section called Chinglish.
I took a look threw the Chinglish section.And in my own opinion I thought it was rude and uncalled for.How dare somebody make fun of somebody who was trying to improve themselves and learn a foreign language.
Little did I know How important Chinglish would become in my life.When I met my wife She spoke about 10 words of English and I spoke about 4 words of very bad Chinese.So we wern't getting anywhere.I had my Chinese phrase book.And she had her pocket translater.And we had the Agency translater.Who's English was so bad I couldn't understand him.
So I got the idea.I will teach her English.Because I know I'm not smart enough to learn good Chinese.We started out with little words and her pocket translater.And some Chinglish.That I had learned in Asia.Teaching my wife Chinglish was probably one of the best Ideas I had in years.And probably one of the worst.
We still use it all the time.If we are out somewhere.Or at home.And we are talking.And you don't want the other people to know what your talking about.My wife will switch to Chinglish.And I will eather reply in English Chinese or Chinglish.
The problem with teaching your significant other Chinglish is that it takes them longer to learn proper English.Where somebody else besides you can understand what your lady is trying to say.You do get tired of translating what your wife said to the doctor or the person at the store.Or your own family members.
If you do talk in Chinglish to your lady all the time.You will start talking in Chinglish to your friends and family.And all theese people that you talk Chinglish to.Will be giving you funny looks.You will even write in Chinglish.If Ive ben talking to my wife then try to post something on this forum.I ussually have to make alot of corrections.And rephrase sentences.So it is understandable to the other members.It ussualy takes about 30 minutes to get away from it.Once I start Writing in Chinglish
The good side of teaching your lady Chinglish is it is much easer and faster.For her to learn.then if your lady is learning proper English.It took me probably 2 months of direct contact to teach my wife Chinglish.(2 web cams a day and 1 letter a day)I taught one of my wifes friend's proper English and it took me about 6 months.One web cam a day for 2 hours and a letter once a week.
Chinglish does have it's good and bad point's.In my own opinion it is worth looking into.If you are looking for fast direct communication with your lady.
I have never seen a Chinglish Dictionary.I have Seen it posted on signs billboards,And t-shirts in Asia.With enough practice and effort on your part and your ladies part you should see good results in a couple of months.
You should not use Chinglish in Chinese restraunts or Asian markets.If you do not want your conversation over heard by somebody.There is a good possability that the people working in thoose establishment do speak and understand Chinglish
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Maxx, My wife and I have been using Chinglish ever since we met, she already knew it and she also speaks English very fluently ( she is an English teacher ), but you forgot something, a few couples we know and ourselves included speak Chinglish together and we also have our own form of Chinglish as in each couple has a few words that only they know the meaning of, this can be fun and at the same time it can be a hassel, and you're right, don't use it at Chinese resturants or Asin Markets if you don't want anyone knowing what you are talking about.
Sometimes at family get togethers Zhou and I will start talking with each other and if some one comes to close behind us trying to listen we will start with the Chinglish, they usually leave, but then its hard to go back to English, we also use it when we are discussing punishments for the kids, they don't speak Chinglish,.........yet.
Thanks Maxx, I'd forgotten this was different for us who are married or been with our S.O. for a while,
I was lucky in this , my wife came to me with this information preinstalled Hehe, I was the one that had to learn and it was fairly easy for me, it took me about a month to learn enough to have a conversation but, that was being face to face with her every day, all day.
Thanks again Maxx
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I have a question for the guys who have their wives in the states. have you tried teaching them to drive yet? well, I have it times two. I told them both i am getting them a tank and teach them in it. By a tank i mean a 75 Coupe de ville. Let them batter that thing up. Even if they get hit they will not get hurt. And if they can learn to park it, they will master any other car. I am for sure not giving them my G6, HT Convert. I love that car too much. LOL
But, seriously has anyone tried that yet? I was just wondering how hard it was. nether my wife nor my stepdaughter have ever driven anything at all.
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Jim , may seem silly , but take them to a hire a gokart track , after a while they will learn balance and what a steering wheel does , also gives them confidence , has nothing to do with the speed , but can be a fun time and they are accidently learning , regards Robert .:idea:
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Yep, been there, done that, got the dents to prove it. Hahaha.
Never thought of the gokart thing, wish I did, I may not have the dents my car has now,but thats okay its an 88 chevy blazer, my son will learn on this car and my daughter the year after he does, Zhou now has her lic's. to drive and she now has an "69 Mercades CL 190, she loves it.
I also have a GTO judge in the garage that no one drives but me, no one, I bought that car when I was a teen and it was used then, now has over 200,000 miles on it.I think by the time the kids are done learning to drive I will need to retire the Blazer to the junk yard.
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I tried to teach my wife to drive one time.I swore that would be the last time.She completly freaks out when she gets behind the wheel.So it is a no go.I do need to try again.So she can get around by herslf.
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Lucy, has always known how to drive, long before we even met. Having said that, we are talking Chinese style driving here now!!!.
When she came to Cyprus, i bought her a decent little run around car, but soon found out that driving on the other side of the road, wasn't her forte. Even though she said, ...she had driven in HK.
To cut a long story short, it took about a month of driving round our local villages and along the multitude of country type lanes here with her, before i allowed her to venture into Larnaca itself. She was a bit nervous at first but after a while, she became quite confident in herself. basically from that day to this, she's a pretty OK driver, and a dammed sight better driver than most of the Cypriot women.... and that's an outright Fact!! haha!!
Oooooops i forgot to tell you what she's driving about in here. Her run-around is a 2006 brilliant red Honda Jazz 1.4cc ...and to date, ...not a single dent to be seen. haha!!
David....
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My Wife has driven in Shanghai years back , till one day she had an Accident and that was it for her driving . Here , I have my little Toyota Truck ( Automatic ) over half a million miles on it , that will be easy for her to handle . Besides , one of my Neighbor's ( a retired teacher ) who also was an driving Instructor ... is more then willing to teach her the driving habit's of America . Good for me , I don't have to watch my little Truck getting beat up , dented and who knows what else ? But then again , maybe not ?
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We hired out a car in Malaysia and Ling wanted to try out driving on the left. She is Ok for driving in China but boy oh boy driving on the "wrong" side of the road Chinese style is a truly terrifying experience.
She kept drifting into the overtaking lane, back over into the bicycle lane, no indicating, randomly accelerating and speeding where it wasnt safe and far to slow where it was.
This was despite me giving her some basic do's and dont's of driving in the west compared to China before she started.
I think teaching your lady to drive if she hasn't a Chinese driving license is a blessing in disguise - she doesnt have to unlearn the unique Chinese kamikaze driving style! and learn to obey traffic lights (just because there is no specific red light for turning left or right doesn't mean you can do this...the red ahead means stop!), use indicators..stop using the car horn constantly etc etc!!
On the other-hand..I must admit I am terrified about re-learning to drive over there myself haha!
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My wife knows how to drive., at least in this webcam session. She keeps DRIVING me crazy giving little flashes from her towel wrapped torso after taking her shower....... OOoops... Oh you guys are refering to driving a car :blush: I guess now I have to wipe the egg of my face and take a cold shower.
I need to fly back to China. I sure hope the Pfizer company can make me their poster boy and hook me up for my return to Shenzhen :icon_cheesygrin:
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Reality and misconceptions
I took my wife to her favorite restraunt today(Chinese buffett).When I came back to are table.The couple sitting at the next table over were talking about men who marry foriegn women.It seams the man had read a story somewhere about a Russian women. Who had met a American and married him. And he had brought her to the states.They had a big fight and the man killed the women.And now he is setting in jail on murder charges.
I told the man.That it does happen.But not anymore then It does with married people from the same country.We just don't here about Them.What we do here about is when it is 2 people from different countries.Cross culture marraiges are still a rare thing in the states.I know of maybe 5 other couples in the part of New Mexico where we live.I guess I had better refrase that.I know of 5 White guys who have married a asian women.
I told the man.That a cross culture relationship was alot more work.You have culture and customs issues.Language issues.I told the man how well immagration checks the men out before they are allowed to bring the lady to the states.
The man told me.That was not the first story like that he had heard.I admitted that I had heard alot of thoose kind of stories.I even heard about the Chinese women who was hidding in the international terminal in Chicago.Her husband looked for her for about 5 days.Before she called him from a friends house in Chicago.
My question is why am I hearing theese kind of stories? What went so wrong.That the man feels he has to beat or kill the women.
In my own personell opinion.I think it has alot to do with misconceptions.My Asian wife will do whatever I say.They are sexual dynamos in bed.They wate on you hand and foot.When you are married to a asian women.You are king of all that you survey.Your new asian wife will never be tired sick.Loud or whine to you about anything.You can do anything you want to do.With them or without them and they never say a word.They just follow along like a dog on a leash.
I would like to find the guy that started these rumors.And just beat the daylights out of him.All this moron did.Was get other morons beleaving this crap.A Asian women does get sick.They do get tired.They do have bad days.They are not going to wate on you hand and foot every day.
If you expect your wife to be somebodies twisted version of a perfect wife.Your probably in for a big Reality check .And what happens when reality strikes home? What happens when you find out that you married just another women from another country.And she isn't holding her breath waiting for the word from her lord and master.Do you divorce her beat her kill her?
Yes I do realize that the women do have alot of high ideas.Some are looking for a sugar daddy.Some are looking for a green card.some are looking for away out of obscure poverty.Every asian women knows that when you marry a foriegnor.That Everything is supposed to be peaches and cream.Hell they have seen most of the same movies you have.So why isn't it like the movies.
Because most of the men don't tell there future wifes girlfriends lovers.The truth.They get caught up in themselves.They forget that the person there writing to talking to.Is a real person.With there own hopes and dreams.And yes some of the women are just as bad as the men.They do to get caught up in the dream the illusion.
As men I think we should be all well aware what is going on what to realisticly expect.And to make sure the women has realistik expepectations
Everybody is here for there own reasons.Some of thoose reasons arn't the right reasons.Maybe somebody here has got asian fever.Maybe somebody beleaves the myths about Asian women being subsurvent and sexual dynamos. Maybe somebody has put these women on a pedistal.Out of there reach.And when reallity does strike.It can be a very bitter pill.For both the man and the women.
Before anybody gets seriose with one of these Delicate flowers.They should ask themselves why they are here.If you are honest with yourself.The truth mite shock you.It mite set you free.Or you mite find out you shouldn't be here in the first place.I have said it before THIS IS NOT FOR EVERYBODY.
Maxx
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Maxx thank you for a very informative piece, I know this is not directed at me but I thought I would give you my thoughts about this road we're on.....I have never even dated an Asian lady.:angel:
My illusion was and still is (although NOW being more informed) first and formost, she is a woman, a woman like those in the west except more pleasant.:blush:
What did I want to get out of the treist? The first thing someone I know 'will love me', someone who will treat me well and be honest. :blush: What will 'She' get out of a relationship from me? She will get the exact same in return, but also someone who wants to learn about her culture, and treat her 'properly.:angel:
You are right, this is not for everyone, but for those that do it, and I believe that it is the biggest majority on here....They do.:icon_biggrin:
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Ok Maxx...everything you said is right on. Hopefully, we are all Men enough to look at why we are here seeking a wife from China. Maybe some of us live in a dream world of idealistic Women and unsustainable dreams.
The process we go through on the way to this end-point is unbelievably difficult and complex. Any man who gets past the cheap thrill of the first letter or two from a Chinese Woman will get to know real quick that it aint that simple.
There are hundreds of posts here to testify to that !!
If we have only shallow and frivolous reasons to look for "her" in China, this will soon be overtaken by the complexity and the cost of the search.
So I guess, most of the "players" will get weeded out real early....especially if they get to look at this Forum.
The reality is that we look for a wife here...for exactly the same reasons as we would look for a wife in our own Country...so we can find someone who we can love with all that we are, so that we can find someone who feels exactly the same about us.
If these sort of Women existed in our own World, we probably would never look anywhere else. But most of us have been burned by the Modern Western Woman syndrome, where things like love, care, committment, trust, honesty etc, etc have long been replaced by greed, selfishness, money grabbing, couldnt care less, feminist dragons.
Generally, Chinese women retain...with pride and honour...those things about women that make a Man proud to be married. We are hungry, emotionally and practically for such a woman...it is what most men dream about.
And when we find such a woman...she will have everything we are...without reservation.
So...for me, there is no basic difference why I would look for a Chinese wife over an Australian one, except the added difficulty of Language and culture (not insignificant !!!)...but these women dont exist any more in Australia.
But these differences, language and culture cut both ways, but they can be managed well when two people are truly together........ in all that this word means.
Having said all this, certainly............"this is not for everybody"
DavidE
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Some Statistics
To add some numbers and interesting information on the subject of foreign Brides, here are some statistics produced by the Aus Bureau of Stats. Showing the age group of men and the percentage of each group who have used International Internet Dating.......... ( Numbers exclude Internet Dating in Australian Sites):
Age Group Percentage of age group
Up to 20 years 8 %
20 - 30 years 27 %
30 - 40 years 34 %
40 to 50 years 59 %
50 + years 82 %
Foreign marriages - all groups .........6 %
Dont know how this stacks up with other Countries, but Maxx, it shows that many, many Men "have a go " at this, particularly the "older" men, probably in most cases divorced......but surprisingly only 6 % of all marriages in Aus were between Aus Man and Foreign Woman.
I guess it reinforces your words that is is not for everybody, and many who begin the journey dont make the distance.
DavidE
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Foreign marriages may be low in Oz because there are quite a few immigrants in that country already. I suppose it is the same with the UK, only determined men will go to China to find a Chinese wife, because there are loads of Chinese over here already.
I guess a lot of men are seduced by the beautiful ladies on chnlove, but I guess not many realise that it takes a lot of time and money to get a really nice Chinese wife. You also really need to love Asian culture. In my case I want an Asian wife because I've been to Asia several times now on vacation, and I realise that I have much more in common with Asian men than I do with my fellow countrymen. I'd guess if the economy improves then there is a very good chance that I would get an expat job in Singapore, Hong Kong and Shanghai. I really don't like the idea of bringing up kids in what has become of the UK :@.
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Brett,
:idea: In my case I want an Asian wife because I've been to Asia several times now on vacation, and I realise that I have much more in common with Asian men than I do with my fellow countrymen. :idea:
Now i'm intrigued, ....Can you explain what you meant here by ''having much more in common with Asian men than i do my own countrymen''?? Are you talking about Chinese men in particular? This question by the way, is being asked by Lucy my partner....
David....
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There is so much to say on this subject. But first of all Maxx is right on all counts. I have always admired Asian Women since I was in Viet Nam, i lived in a village for a while and observed them in action with their families. Seeing these strong women doing everything they could for their families in a time of crisis in their country. The beauty of them both outside and their inner beauty. I actually found one there, but I was wounded and put in a hospital for a year and just lost her. I have found the woman of my dreams now and she is the closest to the ideal Chinese wife you can find. My ideal anyway. Each of us have our different reasons. I believe those that will be successful will have the realistic dreams and be ready to fight the battle to the very end. I am very lucky. There is no other honest answer I can give. The battle is not even half over. I have spent well over $28,000 and over a year of my time. That is just to this point. And each of the other successful men here I am sure have done at least the same, probably more. Now we go to battle with the US government. even though I have made great inroads, I still have the battle with my step daughter. So ANYONE who thinks it is easy, think again. We here have seen a number of men come and go. The first time they fail, they quit because it is not as easy as they thought. I, like Maxx and the others here counsel those that ask, do not start this unless you have searched your inner self and have determined that this is the route for you. Have the inner strength and the resources to follow through, all the way through. Not just letters, not just promises but commitment to it. There are thousands of letters here, read, read and read again. Sure we all get discouraged from time to time. We all fail from time to time. I have. It has happened to a number of others here. But they are committed to this. As I said before every one has their own reasons. But be realistic. Do not think you are going to get a slave, a sexual one or otherwise. They are WOMEN first and foremost. They have great strengths and they have their failings just like most. I think where they differ is in their culture so you had better be at least willing to learn it. They will not be happy if you dont. As the old saying goes, "IF Momma aint happy nobody is happy."
Some of us come looking for our mothers. (Freud would have a field day with this group) Some of us come looking for a sexual fantasy. (Freud again)or maybe (Hugh Hefner)? Or (Hustlers letters?) Some looking for a mindless slave, (Yung?) or Hustler again. Whatever your reason please, please put the ladies feelings high on your priority. If not you may condemn other brothers to pay for YOUR shortcomings. Right Mike?
Dinger, this should be a thread all on its own. Make it mandatory reading before registering. LOL.
There is so much knowledge here, I ask each new member to read here before you even start looking. Just by doing that, you will advance your chances for success 100 fold, really.
Well, that is my 2.5 cents.
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Foreign marriages may be low in Oz because there are quite a few immigrants in that country already. I suppose it is the same with the UK, only determined men will go to China to find a Chinese wife, because there are loads of Chinese over here already.
Brett
I think you miss the point indicated by the stats....
If around 80 % of single Aus Men have actively looked for a wife from another Country, how come the success rate is only 6% ?
Yes, there are many migrants here from all Countries, but only a tiny few single women over 30 get to come here, our Immig Dept wont let them....same as most countries.
Therefore if Aus men married migrant women, they would only be a minor statistic, it would not affect the number of Men who look on International Dating Sites.
The real message here, is that to start this search is easy, and is commenced by many, many men. To end up married to a Foreign Woman is very rare....because it aint easy !!!!.....Maxx's point !!!
DavidE
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Maxx yout right, case in point, there is a woman in New Mexico that has been moved to a safe house, she finally left her husband, the reason she waited for many years is so her son could be in collage before she left his step father, she had put up with beatings for years, black eyes, broken bones and just general beatings with a belt, now, the reason for all this is because her husband thought that she should walk behind him, have sex when ever and WHERE ever he wanted, she was to have a job, clean the house and serve him before she could sleep, if for any reason he didn't like the way something was done she was beat, well this time he tried to choke her and did until she passed out and then raped her, took all the money out of the bank, took his two pistols, and ran to Texas, now the Police in New Mexico in his home town will not do much if anything because he has ties with them some how, they did issue a warrent for his arrest for breaking the PDF she has on him, for rape and assult, assult with intent, and a few other things, oh yeah felony assult, we got a judge to make it an open warrent, now that means that there are no time limits on the warrent and any Bounty Hunter can hunt him, the problem with this is there isn't any money in it for a bounty hunter so I and my guys are doing this for free. so Maxx you are SSOOO right, this is not for every one.
Mods, we need a thread just for, oh lets say like " I would like to kick ____Bob__R.'s______ a$$ just because!!
because I am or would like to kick this guys A$$ because he deserves it many times over.
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There is so much to say on this subject. But first of all Maxx is right on all counts. I have always admired Asian Women since I was in Viet Nam........ .........There is so much knowledge here, I ask each new member to read here before you even start looking. Just by doing that, you will advance your chances for success 100 fold, really.
Well, that is my 2.5 cents.
Jim,
Thank you for saying that. I've not been to China yet but have learned so much from reading what others have written that have gone before us and have been successful on this site. I sometimes wonder if I have completely lost my mind when I consider this quest. I tell myself this is absolute lunacy, but I have alway been attracted to Asian women.
Early on in my hunt I met a woman through Chnlove that asked me a couple of important questions. The first was, "What is a traditional Chinese woman to you?" Wow, I didn't really have any idea. I searched the internet high and low looking for the answer and found that most of what people said were simply uninformed opinions and not real answers. So, I tried to answer her and finally said that I really didn't know. Then she asked me what I was looking for in a woman? I thought man this woman isn't going to be easy, but I answered her and she said, "I am all of these qualities and more and I will leave it up to you to figure out what the more is." Every couple of EMF's she would ask me what I have learned about her.
Later I questioned her about the future and she said first we start as friends, then maybe close friends, then you come to China and see if there is chemistry, then we talk about marriage. What did I do, talked a few more weeks and then move on.
Now I realize how incredibly level headed she was and that she was actually a real person talking with me. I learned a lot from her about what I am looking for and who Chinese women are and how stupid I was to walk away.
I have to agree with everything Maxx and JimB said. Pinky told me in her last letter that she would really like for me to experience China before I make a decision as to where we should live if we marry. By the way she is a level headed winner too. She asked me and didn't tell me. She has already told me she would go where ever I want. Now if that isn't incredible I don't know what is.
Anyway I could go on but Jim your last post was inspirational to me.
Thanks,
Shaun
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Bravo Jim ! Very well said, I could not have said that any better. Your post #50 should be a must read to all the newbies here.
When I was looking for a Chinese lady, I was damn serious, I was not one of those guys looking for a slave or a sex toy. I wanted something real, and a long term relationship, looking at her inner beauty,morals,values,personality, and kindness. A person that shared the same family values and the importance and commitment to marriage, through the good and the bad, sharing the rest of our life together, i am a true believer in love and marriage. I am now very happily married, actually in 2 days will be our one year marriage anniversary.
Again, fantastic post, I truly hope that the newbies will read your post as it will help guide them in making the right choices.
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Thank you Shaun and Brett, but Maxx and some of the others here are the ones that inspired me. Brett, congratulations on your anniversary, i hope you two can do something extraordinary for it.
I just thank everyone here for helping me find my true love, the woman of my dreams.
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Were getting alot of new members here.So I thought I would bump this back to the top.Of the list
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I have a question for the guys who have their wives in the states. have you tried teaching them to drive yet? well, I have it times two. I told them both i am getting them a tank and teach them in it. By a tank i mean a 75 Coupe de ville. Let them batter that thing up. Even if they get hit they will not get hurt. And if they can learn to park it, they will master any other car. I am for sure not giving them my G6, HT Convert. I love that car too much. LOL
But, seriously has anyone tried that yet? I was just wondering how hard it was. nether my wife nor my stepdaughter have ever driven anything at all.
I was telling YaYa about my life here in Australia. I was a little embarrassed to tell her about my 15 year old car. She said to me that I shouldn't sell it because she wants to learn to drive in it and she doesn't want to have to worry about smashing it up *laughs*
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Oh ... this has me worried also . I love my little Truck ( with half a million miles ) , but to learn in it ... is a lot easier than my SUV . It told me " NO " please don't do it .:icon_cheesygrin:
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I was telling YaYa about my life here in Australia. I was a little embarrassed to tell her about my 15 year old car. She said to me that I shouldn't sell it because she wants to learn to drive in it and she doesn't want to have to worry about smashing it up *laughs*
I don't think I have ever seen a car in China that old. But come to think of it the way they drive they never last longer than a few years from new.
Willy
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AT the request of one of the members I thought that I would dig this up out of the old threads.The member wanted to know a little about being married to a Chinese women.And life after the drama of the visa and the green card.
The first couple of days after my wife arrived in the States.She slept.The time difference and the huge change in the altitude and the climate.Took a big toll on her.When I met my wife she was living in Zhuhai China.Which is only about 100 feet above sea level.The area of New Mexico we live in is at 6,500 feet above sea level.So it was a huge change for my wife.She was tired all the time and had a headache for about 3 days.
After my wife had ben in the states for a couple of weeks.I took her up to Colorado.Which is even higher in Altitude.She didn't have any problems with the altitude.But it was still a big adjustment for her.I think the hardest part for her was.The food.And at the time there wasn't allot of Asians.In this part of New Mexico.So she just couldn't walk outside and talk Chinese to the Neighbors.So she was a little lonely for the first couple of weeks while I was working.
After a couple of weeks.I bought her a computer.so she could talk to all her friends in China.Then I started taking her to a Chinese buffet restaurant.Where she could speak Chinese.We go every Saturday.And any other day of the weak she feels like going.I also found a Asian market in Albuquerque New Mexico.That we go to about every couple of months.
Nine months after she arrived in the states.My wife gave birth to are first son Tristan.He is now 2 years five months old.The brith and the doctors appointments were a little rough on her.(She was a plastic surgeon in China ) so she thought everything the doctors did was a little strange and not right.So I'm taking a beating over the doctor and the hospitals.And what there telling her to do.And what not to do.Her mother is not here and this being her first baby.She was a little stressed out.
When a Chinese women is pregnant.It really messes with there hormones.They are ussualy a little tough to live with.SO you need to watch them closely.For about 2 weeks after the baby is born.Depressions and not having their family close by.Doesn't help at all.Oh yeah as a new father you don't know nothing about babies.So don't even think about holding that baby without your wife's consent.Or your motherinlaw supervision.And you have ben just demoted to the lowest form of life known to man.Your popularity with your wife will improve over time.But from now on that baby is all that matters to your wife.
Conner is are youngest.He just turned four months old.When my wife was pregnant with Conner.It was the same as before.The mood swings the depression.So it didn't get easier this time.The only thing that got easier was the doctor appointments.And the C-section at the hospital.We used the same doctor both times.My wife's doctor was born in Tia wan.But he doesn't speak Chinese.So that didn't help.
As time goes by my wife has become more adjusted to the states.While keeping her Chinese traditions.Tristan can speak some Chinese,Some English.And some Spanish.( Blame Dora the explorer for the Spanish).He does understand Chinese and English real well.And that was one of the main things for my wife and her mother.And Conner has my wifes maiden name as a middle name.So that her family name will be carried on.My wife told me the other day.That she is going to make sure that one of her grandchildren and there grandchildren will have her family name somewhere in there names.
My wife cooks her food at least once a day.We buy rice by the thirty pound bag.Along with going to the Asian market every couple of months.Her mother sends her care packages.This computer.And the TV in the master bedroom.Are both set up in Chinese.She talks to her friends and family in China.And plays some kind of game on QQ where she always tells me she steals Martin's food.She also talks to Nik's wife and Martin's wife.She has probably ben talking to Nik's wife for almost a year now.And Martins wife for probably six months.Her TV gets like twenty channels of Chinese programming.
My wife doesn't work.She takes care of the house and are 2 sons.She is a real good mother.Neither kid ever lacks for attention from her.Or play time with her.And she still manages to make time for me and her.So I haven't got any real complaints.The Chinese way of raising Children.And the western way of doing it crash into each other sometimes.But we work it out.I end up doing most of the disciplining.And weather Tristan should have a nap or just let him play until he drops.Is always a main topic of discussion between us.
As for myself I'm 43 years old.I have 4 kids the oldest 2 are 18 and 16.My daughter is 18 she just graduated high school.My son is 16 he is a juinor in high school this year.This is my second marraige my first marraige lasted for about 1 year six months.I have ben married to my wife for 3 years four months.
I work as a personell assistant for a older lady.Before that I was a detail manager for 15 years here in New Mexico.I have ben to Mexico,Taiwan,Thailand,Japan.And of course China.7 times now.Ive ben threw hong Kong so many times I have lost count.When I started this journey I wasn't looking for a wife.I was looking for a place to go to on Vacation.I ran across the Chinlove web site.And I registerd so I could look at the pretty girls.After I looked at the pretty girls.I forgot all about it.2 days latter my wifes translator wrote me a admiration letter.So we started writing back and forth.2 months latter.I was in China.In August of 2006 we had a marriage party in China.Then April of 07 we got married again in the States.
If given a chance to do it all again.I would be the first one in line.It hasn't ben a easy Journey.And things haven't always gone the way I wanted them to.And we do have culture clashes and miss communications.But it all comes down to how you deal with the culture differences and the communication issues.You have to step out side of your self sometimes.And try to see it from her point of view.If you can do that.And go at this with a open mind.And your eyes open.You should do ok.
Granted you are going to find a few bad apples.But how you deal with it.Determines how this is all going to end for you
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Thanks Maxx for sharring your history and for making good apple pie out of some bad apples. Your advice has always made sense so I guess you are our MASTER SENSEI here. You have taught us many ways of wisdom with your MAXX on & MAXX off technique.
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Couldn't have said it better than Ron. I humble bow to the greatness of 2 men. Thanks Maxx for the post.
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Excellent post Maxx!
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Terrific post Maxx , Here in Melbourne it is a little different with a large Asian grocery just 5 minutes away by car and lots of Chinese for Suguan to talk to , as she has also been working after being here for only a week [ January ] and from little English now she can hold a conversation with anyone , much smarter than me , regards Robert .
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Robert you make an interesting point. I do not know if any of you experience this but Peggy will tell me that I am very smart and that she is not smart but she is lucky to have a smart man like me. Of course you know where all of that kind of talk goes.
My natural inclination is to think OK, what does she want. But I ignore that thought and tell her that yes you are very smart to which she replies no, no, no. I point out to her how much English she has learned since we began talking and how little Chinese I have learned.
A couple of days ago Peggy went as far as to tell me that I am very smart but that she is stupid. The hair rose up on the back of my neck and I insisted that she not say anything like that ever again. After a discussion where she threw in words like culture and history I said look I think I know what you are saying. I pointed out to her that she might not be formally educated through college but that along does not determine intelligence. I pointed out to her that there have been many very intelligent people tat made major contributions in this world that did not have a formal college education. I am not really sure whether either one of us are understanding the other here.
But Robert I agree these women are very smart, smarter than we are in many ways.
This all baffles me and think there two possibilities. 1. They like to build their men up and downplay their intelligence. 2. They really do want something... later, so they are buttering you up now.
Shaun
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But Robert I agree these women are very smart, smarter than we are in many ways.
This all baffles me and think there two possibilities. 1. They like to build their men up and downplay their intelligence. 2. They really do want something... later, so they are buttering you up now.
Shaun , No , all they require is tender love and it will be returned 3 fold , but give them 3000 dollars and most of them will double it in 12 months - no bank required , ha ha , Yo [ her simplified name ] puts in a 9 hour day , but I get into trouble if I have a bbq Chicken sitting along with salads for when she arrives home , as she keeps on telling me it is her job to do the cooking , cleaning , and the dishwasher hardly ever gets used , and I have not learnt more than maybe 10 words in Mandarin since she arrived , regards Robert .
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Shaun what I think is happening with Peggy is her insecurities are kicking in Peggy is telling you how worthless she thinks she is.So that if she doe's screw something up in a major way.You will expect it.And not be to angry and kick her to the curb.It is a defense mechanism.That has ben bred into Chinese girls for centuries
With out me knowing Peggy personally it is just a guess on my part.I know a women in China.That it took her better then 20 years.To get over.The abuse her ex husband.And the other men in her life have given her.Now it is like somebody flipped a switch.She has a American husband.Both of her daughters have graduated college.She buys a new car every year.Each year the car is a little more expensive.She remolded her house bought her daughters a house.And bought a store front.And is thinking of buying another house.Just to rent.To somebody.
She has done all of this with her money.Not her husband.The only thing her husband has done.Is offered her his support.So it shows you with a little support.A Chinese woman can go along way.
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Maxx I think you are right. I think at this point I will PM you.
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Maxx.
That's what I'm talking about!
Your experience is invaluable. I don't know whether to be excited or scared at what lies ahead for me. So I'll settle for both. Yesterday, it was a year since I write a cupid note to my wife on that quaint phenomenon known as Chnlove.
My wife has two children, a boy of 12 and a girl of 7. I haven't even met them yet, except briefly on webcam. There are many things I don't know about them. There are probably many other things that I don't know that I don't know. I know there is nothing my wife wouldn't do for me. By the same token, there is nothing she wouldn't do for her kids. I don't know how these loyalties square with each other, but as they say in England, it all comes out in the wash.
I hope that other married guys now step up to the plate, and give us the benefit of their wisdom. Who knows, in ten, fifteen years time, there'll be a convention for good ole Chnlove boys sitting on the biggest porch swing in the world, reminiscing about those unhappy years BC (Before China) and celebrating their happy marriages.
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Shaun and all
That is a very fascinating topic we have raised here.
I have puzzled about it for sometime.
Ming has gone ahead and done all the organising for our wedding, she has done so much...booked my Hotel, sorted the wedding venue (Registrar), organised the trip to GZ to get the correct document, found an English speaking hostess for the wedding party, been to various shops to buy alcohol and wine, choseen the wedding dinner venue, organised decorations and other such stuff, negotiated the menu and done a thousand other things. I know that the end result will be perfect and complete. I have basically sat here in Perth, with a smile and words of encouragement and provided the money !!! At the same time, she has worked 9 hours a day...6 days a week and done all her own stuff (cooking, housework) etc
When I compliment her that she is very clever Lady to do all this so well, it is almost if I insult her...she gets very indignant and insists that I am the clever one in the relationship, not her.
So I stop saying this, instead I say she is beautiful and sexy !!!!...which always provokes a much more pleased response ...go figure. If I were to say this to a Western Woman, I would get my ass kicked for being a chauvinist pig...you know the drill !!....appearance does not matter, intelligence does, blah, blah, blah.
My take on it may be all skewed but I am convinced it is a programmed, cultural thing. In their Patriarchal society, it is not the woman's role to be seen as clever...this province belongs strictly to Men. I think Chinese men have more delicate ego's than us and it is a big no, no for them to admit that a mere woman can be clever. The women grow up indoctrinated that this is so.
I used to try very hard to debate with Ming the differences in attitudes held by Western Men and Chinese Men, but I did not get very far, she was not particularly interested in this subject, she wanted to see the World in her way and to divert from this view was too big for her...at this time. Hopefully, over time she will understand and accept more and more of our "Western" thinking on this subject. For now though, it is no big deal and I leave well alone. I KNOW she is a very clever Lady, and I am sure that deep down, so does she. But it challenges too much of her cultural background to be comfortable with the subject.
In fact, she always takes particular care to stoke up my ego...and I dont complain...it is nice to be praised and appreciated...as i say , a very clever Lady, she knows very well how to get me all puffed up and happy (hahaha)
Gotta love'em dont you
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David , that really reminds me .. as Qing pretty much took control of all of our planned wedding in August '08 back in May on my first Visit to China . The only difference was that I was there with her and get to take all this IN in Person how smart and down to perfection she has handled all that was needed to be taken care of . I also was just the Person who Pay's for it all and she of course let me never forget .. I was her Groom to be .
At Home now , she does everything to make me as comfortable as can be ( bringing my Slipper's to the Door as I come home ) . I had never had it so great .. been so pampered in my Life like right now . I don't even have to ask for any of this and I wouldn't even want to ask for such things , but it makes her happy .. so ? I can live with it and if there is a Hick-up in the Marriage here and there , guess what ? It makes it sooo much easier to correct . All I need to do is look at her and my Heart starts to melt . One thing I insist on .. I'm luckier than she is . Now don't argue with that .
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David you are right.About the Chinese male ego.It is very fragile.Especially when it comes to ever thinking a woman can be smarter then a man.The fragile ego thing seams to be more with the older generation thing.My brother in law and his friends don't seem to have a problem with there wives and girlfriends take charge.To a certain point.But there is definitely a limit there to.
My sister in law had a boyfriend.He came from a good family.With a good reputation.They had a little money.He was one of these hip Chinese guys.Who owned a computer store.That actually made some money.The boyfriend and my sister in law got into a argument about what they were going to do one night.He didn't like her idea.So he beat the hell out of her.Then went to her mother's house and talked bad about my sister in law to her mother.Two days after all this happened.The boyfriends mother shows up at my mother in law's house.And tells my motherinlaw.That it is ok for her son to beat his girlfriend.The boys mother got a regular beating.So she thought it was ok.For the man to beat the woman.
So as you can see it is something that is ingrained in the older generation mind set.And all of this does transfer over to there day to day lives.And how they deal with every day life.And as we all know.You can only kick someone around for so long until they either except it.Or run away.Or they rise up.And hack the offending party into little pieces.One night while they are sleeping.
As far as Ming planning the wedding and doing all the other things in her life.She thinks that is woman's work.You are not to be bothered with such trivial things.Your job is just to supply the money.And a little encouragement.And show up the right day at the right time.And do the right thing.When Ming comes to Aussie land.Do not help clean the house.For at least the first month.Ming will think she is a bad wife.And it will take you half a hour to get her settled down.And another half hour to explain.How that kind of thing is done in the west.
With you giving her compliments.She has probably not ben complimented to much in her life.So it does embarrass her.It took my wife a couple of weeks before.She wasn't embarrassed when I would tell her how smart she was.Or how beautiful she is.So they do get passed it.It mite take a little while.
For those who are wondering what happened to the boyfriend.My brother in law and a couple of friends payed him a visit at his store.They told him to close his store and leave town.The boyfriend told my brother in law to get lost.He wasn't going anywhere.My brother in law told the boyfriend that.It was ok.Older foreign brother was coming to town.In a month.And that I was very angry that he would beat my little sister.The boyfriend closed the store 2 days latter.And left town.No one knows where he went. I'm ussualy the only foreigner in that part of town.And I think I was in the guys store on a previous trip.So I'm real sure he had seen me before
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Phillip yes this is a big step.That will overwhelm most people.The only way I could get threw the first year.Was take it one day at a time.And only take on one miner emergency at a time.If you can do that.And remember the 24 hour rule.And different country different custom rule.You should do ok.
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As far as Ming planning the wedding and doing all the other things in her life.She thinks that is woman's work.You are not to be bothered with such trivial things.Your job is just to supply the money.And a little encouragement.And show up the right day at the right time.And do the right thing
That's pretty much how my wedding went. My criteria was that it was video taped, which she readily agreed to...and I was drinking water when toasting the 24 tables of guests. That was a tough sell. But like Maxx said, I was basically expected to show up on the right day at the right time. All other details were worked out for me ahead of time. Even the bouquet of flowers that I brought to her were pre arranged by someone else.
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Yep
I have a lot of sympathy with your story about the abused wife Maxx.
I sat there with my blood running cold and murder in my heart when Ming calmly told me about her experiences with her Ex. He was a gambler and a drunk....he took all her wages every week and wasted them in 2 days flat !! When she could not produce any more money to feed his addictions...she got a beating !!
He mortgaged their apartment up to the hilt to get more money to gamble with...and of course did not tell her !!! When the Bank foreclosed, it was all her fault according to him, so she got an extra special beating which put her into Hospital.
By Aus standards, this guy would have been doing time at this point for GBH....that is if somebody had not knee-capped him in the meantime. But in her world, he was free as a bird .
I would not suggest that this sort of thing does not happen in our World...but at least there are some legal and social mechanisms in place to help, if needed. In fact, if there are any children involved in the partnership, our system jumps hard on violent Men...so it should.
It isnt hard to realise that a little kindness goes a long, long way with these lovely Women....and I am sure this woman of mine deserves an even break with a good Man...lucky that she found one ;D ;D
11 days to go !!
David
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Daily life of a married man ... in China.
Just a twist off this topic, these are observations I see & hear in Kaiping, Guangdong about married Chinese men ...
1) It's a 'pat on the back' attitude among male friends/business associates if you have a mistress and especially if you have a baby with her.
2) Wives are responsible, by law, to cover any personal debts by their husbands. In Kaiping, real estate businessmen have to put money up front to build a project before receiving any money from their clients. As you can guess, many don't see the money come through.
3) Chinese men like to gamble, drink, smoke, attend massage parlours [ two hours minimum for only 60 RMB ] and swear [ most often you hear ... "Go F--K Your Mother's C--t" ... It's the Chinese version of ..."F--k Off" ..
4) There's no sense of mannerism or chivalry. Men butt in line, they're loud in their conversations and they litter everywhere. Sadly, most women are following their example.
5) Chinese women will marry for the sake of marrying ... especially after the age of 30 ... and not for love.
I can list more but you get my drift. Chinese women are looking for that personal attention from a man. When it comes their way, they don't know how to handle it. Their culture has taught them otherwise. Are all Chinese men scums ? ... No. The above words can probably describe any man from any other country.
Just recently, I have witness the hurt of a married woman in her early fifties. She reaffirmed her belief that her businessman husband has a mistress and child plus numerous other girlfriends. She suspected in the past but the fortune tellers confirmed the truth ... in front of her husband who then admitted his guilt. She can't leave him because all his business ties are shroud in debt loans to the bank including their home. He's rich in appearance only. It's a classic among men here ... look and act like you're successful and hope that lots of business come your way. She also doesn't want to upset the family nest ... they have two grown sons.
6) "FACE" is very important to Chinese men ... and women; thus, divorce is an unlikely choice at this point.
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kinda sad but very true here in China Chong
see it all the tiome here
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Chong I have seen the same thing .In my many trips to China.What bothers me About all of this.Is they do this kind of thing.With no rhyme or reason.All they are doing is creating more stress in there lives.And wrecking others people lives and families.There is nothing to be gained.Except maybe a power trip.That you know is going to end badly anyway.
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What Chong has described above is commonly seen in China, but i've witnessed it even more so in Hong Kong!!
I have known Chinese guys with Expensive Merc's, BMW's, etc, wear Armani suit's and shirts on a daily basis and possess all the other little luxury goods with known names. But live in slums, like Shep kip mei and other old high density government housing projects. They will NEVER EVER invite you to there homes, only to restaurants... Most are upto there eyeballs in debt, but carry on this farce just in pure hope, While there families suffer. While there families scrimp and save, these bastards are out every night enjoying women, and gambling away, what little the family has, down the drain....
This Face thing, is far more for the men, than it is for women in there society, and even then it's only a perceived Face. A woman's face, if you can call it that, ....is to protect the family and more importantly for the men ... there husbands. That translates to ... anything that goes wrong in the husbands life is the wife's fault so she must pay!!! ....Are all the men like this, ... NO of course not, ...but the ratio does lean more towards those that are, in one way or another, than those that are not!!!
What many Chinese men do posses, is the inability to show any form of affection or love towards there wife's or children after a certain age. If they do, .... it's Never in front of others, not even family members. They perceive it as a sign of weakness. You will for arguments sake, never see your Ladies/wifes parents show any form of affection, it's probably doubtful that her father has told her mother that he loves her since they first got married!!!!
Anyone that will spend an amount of time in China, will witness all of Chongs 6 points raised here, (well maybe not item 3 if there not that up in understanding the language!!...hahaha!!!)
Most of the divorces that are sort, are by the ladies , but only after putting up with a life of hell for years.. And yes, ...Those Real Sad husbands that were presented with a daughter by there wife and not the desired son, to carry his family name on....
On the whole, ...Pretty shallow buggers all round....
David....
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I feel that I have to post here on this.
Not all Chinese men are like this as it might appear to someone reading this topic!
Sunny and her sister absolutely adore their father. It was so clear to see when I spent a lot of the Chinese new year with them. Walking outside each sister holds an arm and they are beaming from ear to ear as is he. I am definitely ranked to second place when out with their dad.
Sunny tells me he has made many sacrifices for his daughters and the family. I remember when I bought a desk from IKEA that needed to be assembled at home, Sunny was on the webcam and she was watching me, apparently her dad would have assembled it without even having to read the instructions! She was teasing me but you cant fake real love like that. She visits her parents the one day she has off work every week and and all she has to do is make a mention of what she would like for dinner and her father will go out and get it for her so they eat it on the day.
Its going to be a heck of a tough act to follow I must admit!, but one I will happily try to :)
Sure there are bad eggs like in the west but there are some genuine decent men too.
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Irishman,
Sure your going to find thoroughly decent Chinese guy's/husbands/Fathers. There is a 1.4 billion population when all said and done!! But it is a sad fact of life in China, that these guy's are few and far between.
I would have to say that Lucy's father is probably better than average, but even Lucy admits that he doesn't show her mother much in the way of affection, ... But he does help out with the housework, and pulls his weight in other aspects of family life. A lot of it is a way of life for Chinese families, ...The husband is responsible for providing a roof over the families heads and money to maintain the family, and the wife just about everything else. Lucy's father has done exactly that all his life, and in his case a good bit more, ...maybe it's his way of showing his affection!! But i've never seen him show any emotional affection to Lucy's mum, and come to that, Lucy hasn't seen much of it either...
David.....
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i would say that saying few and far between is a little to the extreme side. there are probably a balance in this
as there is in any country with the difference being here it is out in the open were as were i am from it is usually done
behind the scenes rather than out in the open. they are just a lot more open here with the indescretions
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Irish,
Of course not. I even mentioned above in my post that not all Chinese men are like this ... but the majority are ... sad to say. Every Chinese woman knows of a friend/relative that got cheat/abuse. Everytime my wife hears of ANOTHER story, she asks me if I'll do the same to her. That's not fair to me or any other foreigner boyfriend/husband.
On the other hand, most older Chinese wives/mothers are naggers; they usually control the household. Perhaps, there's no 'yin & yang' connection with their husbands in the long haul. I saw that firsthand with my parents and currently with my wife's parents. Thankfully both fathers was/is the quiet type [ and didn't argue back ] but I'm sure that they're unhappy within themselves.
We can't change Chinese culture, it's thousands of years old. Men are brought up in their environment. They act as they see what others do. The ones with the good heart will sway away from it and won't commit sins.
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its how their taught thru example or words
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Ted,
Nope, it's an unfortunate fact that in one way or another the ratio in China does tend towards those that are, than those that aren't. And it's no different in your part of China in the south than those Provinces in the north.
Having said that, ...I'm pretty sure from what i have seen and witnessed, that things are changing, ....A Little, ...but it's going to be a long old haul before it changes significantly, China's culture has too long a history for it to just change overnight. Even the cultural revolution, didn't make much of an impact on the cultural customs, and those that were impacted ....needed draconian laws and penalties to change them!!!
I hear what Chong is saying about the older Chinese women being ''Naggers'' hahaha!! ....But who can really blame them, most have had a hell of a life with their husbands. I think there just getting there own back on them, for all the shit they have put them through in there younger years!! Now they just don't care anymore ...lol!!!
David....
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Where to start.I guess at the beginning.I was watching deadlest catch last night on the T.V when my brother called.And told me he needed to talk to my wife.So I gave my wife the phone and went back to watching the TV.My wife gets off the phone with my brother.And my wife tells me my brother wants her to translate.
It seems that there is a Chinese woman.Who married a Chinese guy from New York.The Chinese guy then moved to Colorado and went to work at the Federal penitentiary in Florence Colo.Well he beat up his wife night before last.Pulled a gun on the wife and kid.Called 911 himself.Told the 911 operator.She had 7 minutes.To get the police there or he was going to shoot them.
So the cops show up.And arrest the guy.And leaves the woman and the baby girl at the house by herself.The woman knows maybe 20 words of English.Has twenty dollars in her pocket.And no food in the house and doesn't know what to do and where to go.So I call the woman's next door neighbor.He is from Russia.And get him to go get the woman.When the woman comes to the phone. I tell my wife what she needs to tell the woman.About where she needs to go.And what she needs to do.To get some help.
I thought that was the end of it for us.How little did I know.The woman shows up this mourning.At the victims assistance office.And the only thing the woman can do is dial my number.And hand the phone.To the lady behind the counter.So I'm talking to this lady who works for the courts.And trying to explain what is going on.From 300 miles south of where she is at.I tell her what little I know.And that it would be allot easier for.The lady to find a translator.In the same city.
The Chinese woman is having none of that.She has talked to my wife a total of 3 times on the phone.So now they are best friends.So I have to call the lady back at the victims assistance office.And ask the questions.Then tell my wife what the lady said.So that she can translate it to Chinese.By this time I'm already 2 hours late to work.And my wife has looked at me with her big brown eyes and I'm stuck helping out.
So I make a couple of calls.I Call my mom and ask her to go to loaves and fishes to get the woman some food.My mom works there as a volunteer.So she has got special access to all the stuff that comes in.I call my brother back and ask him to deliver the food since he knows where the woman lives.I call victim assistance again.And tell the lady behind the desk.That I have food that will be delivered.And between all the calls back and fourth I have figured out where the Chinese woman's visa status is.She is K-3 with no adjustment of status.So that means this Chinese woman.Legally can't ask for any kind of help from a government agency.I told the lady at the victims assistance office.Where the Chinese lady visa stood.They told me that they were going to look the other way.And not worry about the visa status.I thought that was real cool.
So between me my family.And the lady behind the counter.We have got things moving along.The Husband made bail today.He is under a restraining order.So he can't even go home to get any clothes.He did give the neighbor 200.00 And the neighbor did give it to the Chinese woman for food and diapers.The rent on the apartment is payed.Till the end of the month.And between my mom and the 200 dollars that is enough to carry The Chinese lady and her kid to the end of the month.
When I talked to victim assistance.They were going to try to find the woman some more money.And try to find her a lawyer.And Work with the landlord.About the rent when it comes do.So the woman and the kid are not living on the street.So the system does work sometimes.
I know this is a long post.But bear with me I want to point some things out.That would of made this allot better for the woman.And she wouldn't of Ben so afraid and uninformed.You guys that are bringing your ladies to your country.Make sure your lady knows the emergency procedures.Make sure she can dial 911.In New Mexico.All you have to do is take the phone off the hook.five minutes after the phone is off the hook.The phone company calls 911.And about 2 minutes after that.You will have police cars in your front yard.If all you have is a cell phone.All you need to do is dial 911.if the phone call is dropped 911 will call you back.If they do not receive a answear.Dispatch will track the cell phone and the police will show up.
Have a list of emergency Numbers.That if you are away from home.Your wife can call you.If something should happen to you.Make sure your wife knows who to contact.And how to deal with the situation.! week after my wife had Ben in the states she understood who to call.And what to do.I told her how the government programs worked.And which ones she could use.
Get your wife out of the house.Help her meet other Chinese people.In your area.My wife has a vast network of Chinese friends in and around New Mexico.And around the world.So if something doe's happen she isn't stranded in a strange country with 2 kids all by herself.And no way to work out the problems.
My own personnel comments on the Chinese woman's husband.He is a control freak.He wouldn't let her make friends.Or leave the house without him.He is controlling.He gave her twenty dollars a week and told her to make it last.Everytime they disagreed.He would call 911 and tell the cops he wanted to ship her back to China.He told her she couldn't ever get a green card because She didn't give him a boy.He is 52 years old.She is 25.He wouldn't teach her any English.So she could be a little independent.So I'm going to nominate this guy for asshole of the year.I think he at least deserves that.
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I'll second that nomination,
When I took my wife and her daughter to the UK for a month earlier this year I prepared a list of all the emergency services, our addresses, taxi companies,friends contact details , airline numbers,Chinese embassy,etc and had it written in Chinese and English and of course they each had mobile phones that worked! Plus they had a stash of local currency to help out if we got separated. You never know what's round the next corner so "Be Prepared" as the boy scouts used to say!!
I can imagine how isolated and afraid that poor women must have felt, that was a good thing you and your wife did there Maxx.
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Why do other countries have multiple numbers?
999 works, don't mess with it. I have read that the emergency services here have other numbers but nobody uses them.
KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid
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Maxx...nicely done.....
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Great suggestion.
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Thanks guys for your support.Just a short update ShaoJen is the Chinese ladies name.The food and the money has ben delivered.My older brother and Shaojen's neighbor took her to the store.And payed for the stuff that Shaojen needed.Shaojen's husband has to go to court on July 21st. For the charges that have ben filed against him.
In the court room Shaojen will have a translator so she can understand what is being said.And the lady at victims assistance office.Will give Shaojen a ride to the court house.And a ride home after court.And they found a baby sitter who can watch the baby on the 21st.So that is coming along nicely.
The husband has made contact with Shaojen.And tried to get her to sign a paper.That said when she gave her statement to the police.That she lied to the police.That there was no gun involved and he did not beat her.I called victims assistance today.And the lady drove over to Shaojens house and picked up the paper.So it will now be used in court as evidence.This guy keeps digging a deeper hole.
I think I have got my brother talked into talking to one of his lawyer friends.And hopefully the lawyer will help file for Shaojen's adjustment of status.If the lawyer does it for her.(It is real easy to do in the United States.If I can do it by myself.Anybody should be able to do it.)All Shaojen will need to do is come up with the 1,000 dollars.That is the government fee to file the papers.And a ride to Colorado Springs.To complete the biometrics exam.Which is another 70 dollars.I would ask my brother to help.But I think he has already helped enough.And I would feel real bad.When Shaojen or myself could not pay the money back to my brother.
So I guess we will have to Waite and see if the lawyer can help.I think I remember reading on the U.S immigration web site.That if something like this happens.That they may wave the fee.And go after the visa sponsor.I'm not sure.I will look into it some more.I'm trying to coordinate all this with allot of help from my family.And the lady at victims assistance.The lady at victims assistance has gone way above and beyond the call of duty.This would all of ben extremely difficult.Without this ladies help.
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sounds like things are going well for her. i just hope she has enough sense to stay away from him
and not go back after all is said and done. it might be tough for a while but that would really be the best for
her.
im sure she appreciates all you have done for her Maxx
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Kudos Maxx....
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Double Kudos .. Maxx !! Someone that helps somebody the way you do and go way out of there way to do so , when really don't have to .. is a blessing not only for the Person on the receiving end .. but it will also come back to you some day and reward you .
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as they say Arnold what goes around comes around whether its good or bad that you do but
when you do good things you usually seem to have good things in return happen
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Maxx,
please give us an update after they go to court. hope it all works out for the lady.
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Ted I will.Me and my wife are supposed to do a conference call tommar ow.After I get off work.With Shaojen.And the Distric attorney.And the lady from victim assistance.The court date is Wednesday.So the lady from victims assistance is going to call me after court to tell me whats going on.
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well i hope thursday morning brings good fortune to her and she starts a new life away from that
raving idiot.
not being a violent person but i still would like to be in a room alone with him. i would even wear my
best flowered shirt.
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Not sure where to start here.I'm really disappointed with the American legal system right now.In court Wednesday mourning the translator was there.The victims assistance lady was there and the defendant was there with his lawyer.The Judge told Shogun's husband that he could go back to there home.The judge told him that they were going to keep his gun.And that he mite get it back after he goes to court again in a couple of months.
So Shaojen's husband is happy.And I'm sure by now that her life is a living hell again.He has learned the tricks of the trade.So next time he beats the hell out of her.Or sticks a gun in her face.He won't be dumb enough to call 911 himself.And since they are both Chinese.They think this is a family matter.She will take the beating from now on.From behind closed doors.Just to save the sorry ass guys face.
The good news is victims assistance said she would check in on Shaojen.Every so often.And the guy's lawyer laid down the rules.And told him that this kind of behavior.Is not tolerated in the United States.Victums assistance did talk to the next door neighbors.And told them if they did hear a argument.That they were to call the police.Thees apartments where Shaojen lives are close together.And the walls are paper thin.So you can hear whats going on in your neighbors apartment.
Shaojen has started to teach herself English.She did take my wife's advice.And started watching cartoons with her daughter.That is how my wife learned allot of her English.So that is good.My wife did talk to Shaojen on many occasions..And Shaojen does Know how to call 911 herself.And knows how the system works in her favor.So maybe it will slow the guy down next time.And make him think.Before he tries this crap again.Will Shaojen ever call the police herself? I seriously doubt it.So all we may have done is delayed the inevitable.
Last I heard her immigration status is in limbo.Shaojen's husband told Shaojen.That he did adjust her status.And that he has her green card in a safety deposit box.And will give it to her.When she has a baby boy.This is the same guy who told her that since she didn't have a baby boy.That it was against the law for her to get a green card.Shaojen knows know that immigration will not deport her.Because her husband is a asshole.
We are in a kind of Waite and see mode.We have not heard from Shaojen since Monday.I kind of keep hoping she will call.So that we know she is OK.I'm not to comfortable with the situation right now.I think the guy will beat the hell out of her again.The first time he thinks nobody is watching.And I'm not to confident in the neighbors calling the cops.If they hear a quarrel going on. Most people just don't want to get involved anymore.
I could call the judge who is handling the case.And tell him it is not a good idea for Shaojen's husband to be in the same apartment with her.Maybe I could explain.How Shaojen's husband has lost his face.And he needs to get it back.Maybe I could explain to the judge.A Chinese women's place in a traditional Chinese marriage.And how the man dominates the relationship.And when things don't go there way.They usually resort to violence.To get there point across.I think the judge has never delt with the Chinese before.And he is probably in the dark about what can and will happen to Shaojen.If somebody doesn't step in and put a stop to this.
I will call victims assistance in the mourning.And make sure somebody does go by the apartment.And make sure Shaojen hasn't already Ben beat up.If anybody has any suggestions.On how to fix this.I'm interested in hearing them.
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Maxx,
why doesnt someone hassle victims assistance to get her out of the house to a shelter until they can find her a
place of her own. this is absolutely ludicrous that he was allowed back in. do it once do it again always happens.
whats next they are waiting until she is half dead in the hospital then they would do something???
just dont get it but i think if someone can push this then that will help her. what state does she live in? NEW MEX??
even so the laws should be the same. in Calif they wouldnt let him back in until he completed some kind of counseling
which would give her time to make some changes.
just absolutely un@@@####@@@#### believable. and they wonder we helped what went wrong when its to late
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I think the problems here is that the judge does not see any history. If there had been police reports about a domestic disturbance. Also if he threatens to beat her up and she tell the police they charge him with terroristic threats. They really do not do anything about it but it is at least on the record. Also if he hits her she needs to go to the hospital. The point her is document document document. This gives a judge something to work with.
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Yeah what state are they in? In the NE you can not process a firearm if you were not born here. Doesn't matter if you have a green card and lived here all your life.
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Shaun,
the judges purpose is to stop it from having a history. maybe its just that they are not born americans that effected his
decision, but i would think the law is the law. stop it before it gets worse or there is a tragedy
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maybe Martin should drive down and he and Maxx pay the man a nice visit and
explain to him the consequences if it happens again lol!!!
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They live in Colorado.He works for the Feds.As a guard.At a Federal penitentiary.
Vince this is the wild west out here.Everybody owns a gun.Colorado and New Mexico.Have the least gun control laws.In the united States.We Rank right up there with Arizona.as having gun owners.And having multiple firearms.At the same time.At one time the most I owned was 6 everything from pistols to sawed off shotguns to semiautomatic shotguns.Firearms are as good as cash here.You can trade up.Trade one of your guns.And a little cash for a bigger better model.Or trade down.Where you get a little less weapon.And some cash. I own 3 right now.a pellet gun,a cheesy dart gun.And a cap and ball belly pistol.That I'm a little afraid of.The hammer doesent hit the cap right.And the barrel is only about 4 inches long.
My brother probably owns.20 to 25 weapons.I think he actually bought maybe three.The rest were traded for work he done for different people.A 22 year old kid that used to work for me.He probably had ten different weapons.At one time.And was always trying to work deals where he could get bigger and better.So it is no big deal to come up with a firearm here.
Shaun you make a good point.They moved to Colorado from New York.So he doesn't have any history.If he did have some history.He wouldn't of Ben able to get a job at a Federal pen.They do a good job with the background checks in Colorado.When you go to work at the Federal level.I was thinking maybe I could enlighten the judge.On how the Chinese mind works.And how much of a beating she is going to take.So her husband can get his face back.
Ted I winded the same thing.And I did mention that to Victums assistance.Victumes assistance told me they offed her a place to stay.But Shaojen told victims assistance that she didn't want to leave her husband.Because he is the only one she can talk to in a fifty mile radius.And he is the only Chinese person that she really knows.They do have Chinese people living in Colorado Springs.And in Pueblo.But she doesn't know them.So she thinks she has no other choice.
I thought about talking to my wife.Abought moving Shaojen here.Where there is allot more Chinese.And allot more oppertunities to get out and meet some other Chinese people.But I can't afford to rent her a place.And pay her bills until she gets on her feet and meets other people and gets a job.So I didn't mention it to my wife
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Ted That was my first thought.I would go down and just beat the stuffing's out of they guy.And tell him it would be worse the next time he touched her.But all that will do.Is get Shaojen beat that much worse.The next time the guy gets angry.
I seen it happen to a girl I used to know.Her boyfriend slapped her around one night.And 2 days latter a couple of guys.Beat the piss out of the guy.They beat him so bad.They fractured his skull.As soon as he got out of the hospital.And served his time in the county jail.He went to the girl's house.Broke her jaw.Broke 3 of her ribs.Then left town never to be seen again.
So unless somebody is willing to stay with Shaojen 24/7 for a couple of months.Till this guy cools off.It isn't a good plan.I do know I would enjoy beating the dog shit.Out of this loser.Just so he knows what it feels like when he does this to her.
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dang I'd say send her down here but as soon as Peggy caught wind of it life would be hell. She would probable find a way to get here and beat the snot out of me. There has got to be a way that we could network together and at least get a few of these woman away from such morons.
I'll think on it a day or 2.
I live by myself and have a spare bedroom. There are plenty of places to work that are in walking distance. The only issue for me is convincing Peggy and my children that I am not a dirty old man.
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i had to laugh so hard since Martin's wife finally let him go to the bakery by himself, Maxx can walk along the river by himself, but my wife wont let me go outside and smoke alone. There's got to be something to this....Do we really appear to need sitters? LMAO
My wife was on the phone with her Mom yesterday. So I sneak out of the house just for fun. Go sit on the bench by the garden.
When she found me. It is probably good I have no idea what she said to me.
Go someplace alone. Or help carry a package. Not going to happen.
Was at Walmart the other day, Standing in line to checkout. An average looking lady smiled at me and then said hello in English. That was it.
It can sure get cold in China even in July, Inside a taxi.
I am really wanting a salami sandwhich, I have bread and meat. Does yellow mustard exist in China? How about Butter?
My wife learning English. Oh my! she repeats everything she hears me say. I must be careful. Sometimes very funny I tell her what she said . It is good she has a sense of humor.
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Jimmy,
you could get all the extras for eating in Guangzhou at all the import food stores. and mustard and mayo in all the grocery stores.
i went into a few western eateries and started to ask them about buying supplies for the house and they were all helpful in pointing
me to these markets spread all around Guangzhou. try giving that a try and see what happens.
Wal Mart didnt have it??? we dont have a Wal Mart in Guangzhou as the govt wont allow them to open one up but they did manage
to build a Sam's Club in Panyu but it is really just a super large chinese food store that has prices that really arent to your advantage
so i was disappointed when i went there.
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instead of bogging down David E's thread I thought I would dig my old thread up and reply to some of the questions.About a New Mexico dust storm.And my wife's thoughts of a NM dust storm.
The wind usually comes out of the west.Once in awhile it will come out of the south.But mostly out of the west.It starts in Arizona.And works it 's way east to New Mexico.It can blow from anywhere to a couple of hours.Up to a couple of weeks.With winds speeds anywhere from 50 mph up to 105 mph.A 30mph wind here is just a breeze.The winds start in Mid March and usually are over by the end of April.When the wind is blowing most people just ignore it until it does get up to about fifty mph.Then you try to drop whatever your doing.And get inside.Because the stuff flying threw the air.Can hurt you.I have seen it push trees down.Push Semi trucks off the rd.And rip the roof off of houses.There will be so much dust blowing threw the air.That it blocks out the sun.The dirt gets into your clothes your hair.in your eyes mouth and ears.Then it starts seeping into your house.And withen a couple of hours all the surfaces in your house are covered with a fine layer of dust.
The dust storms aren't all bad.And they do help with some of the work.I can cut the weeds in the yard and just leave them there.The wind will blow them across the highway.I can do the same thing with the tumble weeds that blew in my yard.From the last wind storm.All I have to do is kick them back into the wind.And off they go.You can also watch out the house windows.And watch the people driving up and down the rd.Try to hit.Or miss the tumble weeds blowing across the rd.
The first couple of times my wife seen a wind storm.It kind of freaked her out.She was afraid the roof would blow off.Or the dirt would just start blowing threw the house.And everybody would suffocate and die.She started running around stuffing wet towels.At the bottom of the doors.And wanted to know why I wasn't helping and why I didn't seem to concerned.
I had to explain to her that the house was built to stand up to thees kinds of winds.The doors have sweeps on the bottoms.to stop the sand from coming in.They also have extra weather stripping along the sides to stop the sand.The windows have screens then a piece of glass with rubber around it.Then another piece of glass that has it 's own rubber gasket.Along with it's own track.and starting in about Nov. of every year I put clear plastic up over the windows.That I don't take down till the winds end in April.And I have a plug for the A/C unit with a cover. That stops the sand from getting in.And the house has straps that go around the main support beams.That are bolted to to the foundation.
After I explained it all to her and she seen the house stand up to that kind of wind.It doesn't bother her anymore.She does get tired of sweeping off the decks so the kids can play on them.But other then that it doesn't scare her like it used to.And she gets to laugh at me every spring when I have to climb up on the roof.And replace the 6 or 7 shingels that got blown off over the winter and early spring.
It was clocking around 70 Wed of last week.It usually doesn't blow that hard this late in the year.My wife commented that the wind was blowing hard.And she asked me if I had locked the deck gates.Before I came in the house.I told her yes to both questions.And that was her only concern.She went back to playing with the boys.And I went back to the computer.
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Fascinating post Maxx, we are really lucky not to get that kind of weather here. More rainstorms than anything else!
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This subject was raised just as your neighbor Arizona is being swallowed up.
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OK now your making me homesick Maxx.
I can remember as a kid my father saving tumbleweeds, 3 to be exact, to paint white and put in the front yard during Christmas symbolizing a snowman. My mother would tell me that if I didn't stop eating so much food that she would have to make and can tumbleweed soup to keep the family in food. For a while I believed her.
Believe it or not one of the hardest thing for me to get used to was the lack of wind when I moved to Georgia. At least in the hottest months there is always a breeze there to kind of cool things down. Here the heat just hangs on you because there isn't any wind.
Maxx I bet you have driven down the highway after the fields have been plowed to plant cotton or wheat and a dust storm rose up and you couldn't see the hood ornament on the front of your car.
We aren't in Kansas anymore, Toto.
Sorry Maxx,
One TRUE story. The first time I got married I purchased a mobile home. The ex wanted a waterbed so we got one of those too. One Saturday morning I woke up to the wind howling. Then it got loud enough that she woke up. She asked me if there was anything to worry about. I said not yet. A 100+ mph gust came and blew all of the skirting out from under the mobile home and you could then feel the slight lift from the wind. Well that skirting was not cheap so I rand outside and began to collect it to put back on later. I happened to look up at one point and see a 10' X 10' metal shed blowing overhead maybe 20' over my head. I went back inside and forgot about the skirting for a while.
Vince that is exactly what it looks like when it blows in. If it is over a freshly plowed field then it is dark brown. I've got pictures I have taken stored in a box somewhere.
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Shaun when me and my ex wife got married.She already had the waterbed.I got real good at tearing it down and then setting it back up everytime we would move.When we got a divorce the waterbed went with her.And I bought a used one from a friend.That I used for a year and then put it in storage for 6 years till I sold it.
I have chased my fare share of skirting across the yard.and the neighbors yard.That stuff is still real expensive.Anymore I don't Even bother with it.I just let it blow away.then replace it with plywood.That you screw to the side of the house.Then you take long spikes.Nail them into the ground.To keep the bottom of the plywood from banging against the house.
Irishman when it does rain hear it comes with it's own wind.It will dig holes in the ground.And make what is called a gulley.A gully is a stream bed.That only has water in it when it rains.A few years ago.There was some tourist from back east.Who were hiking up a gulley in Arizona.It rained Hard in Utah.All that water went down that gulley.And drowned 10 out of 15 of the tourist.They said they heard the water coming.But there was no place for them to climb out of the gulley.
It has rained here so hard.With the wind it dug a six foot deep hole.That was twenty feet across.At the northwest corner of my house. I had to go down to the river.Pick up a bunch of big rocks.Throw them into the hole.I then dumped three trucks of gravel into the hole.I'm waiting for it to cool off in Oct.It will probably take another 4 or 5 trucks of gravel to bring the ground up to the level it was around the house.
Vince I seen that this mourning on the enternet.I don't know why it made the news.Everytime I go to Phoenix the wind is blowing hard there.That is a weekly occurrence there.About 6 years ago a guy hired me to drive a couple of his GMC Yukon's and a 6 place jet ski trailer.Up out of Rocky Point Mexico.We fought the wind all the way from the Sea of Cortes to flagstaff Arizona. visibility at the time was probably at about ten feet in front of the hood.We Finlay got a break from the wind.Only because in Flagstaff we turned east and ran with the wind.By the time we turned back North in Gallup New Mexico.The wind just stopped.It was a nice drive after that.
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I never had to chase skirting across a yard, at least not that type. My old place I re-skined (and everything else new) and used the old skin for the skirt. Got hit by hurricane Wilmer, trees fell, neighbors roofs came off, all that good stuff and my place? Nothing. It all stayed together.
New place? I used the cement boards (4' x 8' cut to size, for siding) for the skirt. Vinyl front and back for air flow. Looks good enough that people stop by to tell me so.
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I used to chase a lot of skirt too when I was younger. Oooo.... wait you said skirtING. ;D
I lived north of Oklahoma City many years ago. In October I would put bails of wheat straw under the west and north sides of my trailer. That meant pulling the skirting down. I had a system. I had a 2" X 4" frame that I slid corrugated tin into. I would pull the tin then put the bails underneath. In late April early May I would pull the straw out or I would have mice problems from that point forward. I put the straw in holes in my yard and also would cover the vegetable garden until the plants began poking through.
The straw helped keep the trailer warm in the winter. When it snowed I would get 4' snow drifts daily because of what? The wind. It comes sweeping down the plain.
I think the only time that the wind does not blow out then is just before a tornado strikes and in the very center of one both of which I have experienced.
Now I am getting homesick.
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I was born and raised in Oklahoma. Did you ever notice that all the trees lean from the south toward the north? Because the prevailing winds during the growing season (Spring and Summer) are from the south. But come winter the winds come straight out of the north because Kansas hasno trees to stop them!. I dont think I could get homesick for an Oklahoma winter or summer.
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Hoarding- are you being buried by your wife's stuff.
When I came to New Mexico 17 years ago.I had a 1974 Chrysler new Yorker.And I trunk full of clothes. A old black and white TV.And a box full of legal papers.With some old photos thrown in.I sold the rest of my stuff.Washer dryer TV couches, chairs.And beds.When I bought my house in Jan of 97.I had bought new stuff couches washers dryers chairs tables beds.So I thought I was set.
When my wife came in March of 2007.She brought 2 suit cases full of clothes.So I thought well this is all good.Little did I know the storm was just getting started.2 Weeks after my wife arrived in the states.Packages started arriving from China.First it was three boxes of quilts.Big heavy quilts.That would be better suited for a house with no heat in maybe Alaska.Or Canada.In total I think there is a dozen high quality quits here.That we don't use.And my wife wont let me give them away.So they are stacked in a corner of the spare bedroom.
Then the herbal medicine and the food started to arrive.The food all ended up in a cabnet along with the medicines.This stuff must keep forever.Because she still uses some of it to cook on a daily bases.And she adds to it everytime we go to the Asian market.It cost me 160 dollars Saturday.She had the grocery cart full of these little packages of spices.And animal parts like dried squid.And dried ducks neck.Some of the stuff.I couldn't identify.But my wife seems to like it.So I don't say a word.
When the boys were born.We accumulated more stuff.Which is to be expected.But you know there has got to be a limit to it.And she won't let me donate the extra stuff.We have four car seats.And only two kids.We have 3 strollers 2 cribs.Which were never used.We have a changing table that is buried underneath.The boy's clothes.And she has every outfit that the boy's wore.Since the day they were born.And she brought more back with her.When she was in China last month.She has outfits for new Born's up to 3 years old that have never Ben worn.Most of them are still in the packages.The boys have 2 huge toy boxes.That are so full of toys.That you can't put anything else in them.If there is any toys left laying on the floor.You have to put them in the boy's wagon.I told my wife I was going to donate some of this stuff.She says no.That somebody mite need them.
We bought a new bed 6 months ago for the guest room.I was going to throw the old bed away.Nobody likes to sleep on it because it is old and lumpy.My wife said no.Somebody mite come to stay.And need a place to sleep.I told her they wouldn't be her friend anymore if she made them sleep on that bed.Needles to say she didn't find it amusing.And the bed ended up leaned against the wall.In the guest bedroom.
I think my wife has every piece of paper.That we have received in the mail in the last four years.We have old Chinese calenders.That are at least 2 years out of date.She has her interview packet of proof.That she took to her interview 4 years ago.It is still intact.She could go to her interview tomorrow.And still pass with flying colors.She has a bag of orange peels.And apple skins hidden around here.That she uses to cook with.I thought I would never hear the end of it.When I found the last bag she had hidden and I threw it away.
In defense of my wife.She comes by this hoarding naturally.Her mom and Dad are both hoarders.Her mom has a bag of fish heads hidden somewhere.And four huge trunks of kids clothing.That she has collected from the neighbors.The trunks are so big.They take up one side of a little bedroom.And every nook and cupboard in the house is stufffed with packaged food.And packaged soy milk of some kind or another.I think my mother in law sill has her original wok from when she was first married.
So what I'm after is to hear from you other married guys.Is your wife a hoarder? Is there any history of hoarding in your wife's family?
When my wife went to China I did get rid of the 3 year old news papers.And the 25 gallon drum of plastic bags.That my wife was saving.I donated the bags to the grocery store.And I gave the newpapers to the recycle center.She hasn't noticed yet.So I probably got away with it.But she did raise hell when I threw a couple of pieces of paper away.That she thought.She mite need thirty years from now.
So let me know.Is this hoarding just my wife's thing.Or do you other married guys deal with it to.
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Maxx I don't think it's a Chinese thing...My ex-wife was the same...God did i have a field day when it was over between us...and I moved to new house... ::)
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Maxx that kind of thing supersedes ethnicity. But once it is in your blood it is there to stay. Don't believe me then watch American pickers on the history channel. They or I should say we are everywhere. Peggy is nothing like that. She throws things away that I think why? Why did you do that? You'll need it again. I'm working on mine though. I'm actually getting rid of things as much as I can tolerate that is. Peggy says I am untidy; I say cluttered; we both agree I have too much stuff.
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Your wife and mine sound like complete opposite's, I am the hoarder. Linda is always going through things of mine and things my dad left here when he left and would throw away everything if she could. She always asks me first and even though it is hard for me to let some of the stuff go it is JUNK. Like Rob said it is not a chinese thing at all. Linda only brought one suitcase of clothes here when she came and I think that was about all she had and most of the cloths were very old but you would never know it by looking at them. Since she has been here she has bought some new things ofcourse but the one item that she loves is shoes. I think she brought a few pairs here but my god every time we go somewhere she looks at the shoes. We bought two more pairs last night. They are always cheap or on sale so it is not allt of money but I bet she has got 20 pairs of shoes now. haha I think I got 3!
It does not bother me though because all the work that she has done here she is well worth a few cheap shoes. She takes so much pride in everything she has and keeps everything as clean as a pen. All these shoes are kept in a cabnet wraped in paper and in the box that they came in. Oh yeah, the cabnet was full of junk when she came!
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Oh .. I am blessed ! No such stuff going on in our House . She is very frugal with everything and I was never that kind to keep used up stuff for long . It is pretty much just the Shoe thing with my LaoPo . One pair for every corner of the House so to speak . hahaha I do cheat a little there , when she's NOT looking of course . Been caught a couple of time with the WRONG shoe's on and let me tell you .. she'll rip them off and get's to clean them instantly .. but does bring them back to me nicely .. not through the Air ??? :o Talk about one other thing here , if/when I purchased something and I'm not going to use it (even if it was only one or two dollars) it's going back to the store and get your Money back . Of course for me , it's not really worth it .. driving 10 miles to get two dollars back ? Ohhh .. I let it slide , because it's not only cute/funny but I love the way she is sooo serious telling me to take it back . She's got that LOOK , you don't mess with .
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Since she has been here she has bought some new things ofcourse but the one item that she loves is shoes. I think she brought a few pairs here but my god every time we go somewhere she looks at the shoes. We bought two more pairs last night. They are always cheap or on sale so it is not allt of money but I bet she has got 20 pairs of shoes now. haha I think I got 3!
Statistically, over 90% of men have 3 pairs of shoes, actual fact. Typically Casual (tennies/sneakers), work, and formal. I admit, I am odd, 3 pair of formal, two work, two pairs of boots (winter boots working in the vfw kitchen), hiking shoes, sandals, tennies and moccasins. Those are my houseshoes, but my grandpa was a redskin, you gotta have your mocs, keep your feet warm.
I'm trying to get rid of graphic t-shirts before she gets to sort through my stuff...
Lloyd
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Funny you should bring up that subject Maxx.............
As you can imagine, Ming and I are still in the "Honeymoon" phase (no...dont ask !!!!) after 2 weeks together. All is really, really good.
But I noticed the other day that there was a big bag in the Pantry, which was stuffed with old, used envelopes, the one's that all the junk, bills and letters come in. I asked what they were for and she said she always keeps them.......but I got no real answer as to why !!!
Our cat gets fed from 100 gramme tins...used 4 each day, and these tins are washed and stored in the spare bedroom in plastic bags........ :-[ :-[
Right now, these "little" things are amusing and charming...but I cast my imagination forward a few years...what the Hell our home will be about then defies imagination...maybe like a Municipal recycling depot !!!!!
Gotta grasp this particular nettle sometime soon.......but not yet...maybe ;D ;D ;D
ps...Sorry about the lack of photos guys...been a bit busy of late......working on it now ;) ;) ;)
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Guys that is what I'm trying to tell you.You are all saying on how neat and organised and frugal your wife's are.They are making there move.They have a plan.And in time said plan will be implemented..And you to will be buried under a mountain of stuff.
When my wife first came to the states.I took a few days off and stayed with her showed her around.And helped her try to get used to America.But the day came that I had to go back to work.The first thing my wife did was took my Deja vu Shirt.That I had won in a strip club back in the late 80's And cut it into rags.She took the rest of my clothes she didn't like and did the same thing to them. then rearranged all the stuff in the cabnets.And completely took over one whole set of cabnets.Then she recleaned the house from top to bottom.And told me what a slob I was.After I had spent days cleaning the house.Before I left for China to get her
This didn't happen over night.It is along drawn out plan.And I think her family and friends are in on it.They keep sending her stuff that they know we have already got.My mother in law is my wife's biggest helper.Every 2 months my wife gets care packages from China.My sons have at the least a dozen pairs of shoes a piece.My wife and kids have enough clothes to clothe a small nation.And most of it is still in the packages.My kids have so many toys that They can't Evan get to the bottom of one of the toy boxes.Let alone 2 toy boxes.And my wife's mother and friends keep sending them more.
You all think I'm just whining.come back to me after your wives's have lived with you for a couple of years.I think you all will be singing a different tune.David under no circumstances are you to throw the cat food can away.Or the sack of old mail.If you do.Please take this little piece of advice.Either leave home for a couple of days.Or Waite till your wife is sleeping before you go to sleep.And make sure you are awake before she goes to sleep.Or get up and go sleep in the other room.Behind a closed and locked door and sleep there for a couple of days.
If your wives Evan suspect that you threw something away five years ago.Or threatend to throw something away at some time in the relationship.Trust me you are a marked man.Anytime something comes up missing or is miss placed.You are the first person that she will come to.
If you are still not convinced go to your friendly neighborhood China town.And look at all the stuff that is setting around taking up space.They are all hoarders.Just some are better at hiding it for the first couple of years.After they are comfortable and secure.Look out the fun really starts.
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Ha ha Maxx , the other half's have excellent memories , now if I want something and it is not where I left it 1 hour , 1 day , or 1 year ago I ask and it appears within minutes , very clever these women and I guess after a suitable time out it goes , but in 18 months I haven't missed anything ::) and now it is time to pick the ladies up from swimming , I escaped as the car had to be serviced ha ha .
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I believe I have already seen evidence of this "plan" actually, mama was already discussing retirement between 2 and 5 years following our wedding...
I may be in trouble
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I am well into married life here in Zhongshan.
I generally wake up sometime between 8.30 am and 9 am. Switch on the computer while i make coffee. Settle back and see if the Scottish Baird is still on line. Then I settle back on the balcony for an hour or so watching the beauties go by in very short cotton dresses and even shorter shorts and I have breakfast. In the four months of summer I spend a lot of time on the balcony!
It sure is hard being married and living in China.
But after all this time I still open the wrong kitchen cupboard on occasions and get showered by dozens of empty plastic bottles. At first I thought it was an unusual hobby but realised that if we saved every bottle for three months then at the end of that time we get 12 or 13 rmb from the trader who calls. That like earning 1 rmb a week. I stopped the collecting of beer and coke cans and fo some reason no one wants glass bottles.
The flow of plastic bottles will slow now as I bought a new water cooler/heater. I now drink the cold water from that rather than from bottles.
Hopefully in two weeks time when we finally move into our new home the hoarding of rubbish will stop completely. Well at least I hope that I will have beaten the habit by then!
Willy
Ifputman - you sure are in trouble. Her mama is expecting to retire for one reason only. To look after the new grandchild that you are going to be providing within that time.
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The saving of Bottles in China I can understand...
It is just a casE of getting the ladies out of that 'mindset' ; :o So guys.....GOOD LUCK WITH THAT... ;D ;D ;D ;D :-X
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I have my own hoarding going on but it's organized to Plastics, tins, etc are kept for a short time then put out for recycle?
What is the reason behind their collections?
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Vince nobody knows.If you ask them.They will tell you that maybe a friend of a friend may need the stuff.
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Then I settle back on the balcony for an hour or so watching the beauties go by in very short cotton dresses and even shorter shorts and I have breakfast.
It sure is hard being married and living in China.
Willy......what are you referring to when you say It? ???
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Then I settle back on the balcony for an hour or so watching the beauties go by in very short cotton dresses and even shorter shorts and I have breakfast.
It sure is hard being married and living in China.
Willy......what are you referring to when you say It? ???
Oh Rhon...why did you have to ask that !!!...God knows what his answer will be!!!! ???
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Haha Maxx....I get your message thanks !!!!
I noticed a plastic container in the cupboard today...it had several of those plastic "thingamies" that they use to close the tops of the plastic bags that loaves of bread come in.......I was told that we are now saving those..........but was not told why.........maybe it is some sort of preparation for the Apocalypse...I dunno !!!!!
ps...my favourite sweatshirt and track pants have been recycled into rags...cant understand that, they are only about 15 years old and have relatively few holes and paint stains....should have been good for at least another 10 years ;D ;D
Wait till the cat Walter gets his Spring shedding...I bet my next sweater gets knitted from cat hair !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Speaking of Walter the cat........he is a giant ( a Maine Coon and weighs in at about 12 kilos), he has eaten one brand of food for the last 10 years at least....it costs $1.58 per can and is fairly high end food.
At the Supermarket, Ming was eyeing off the cat food at 0.99 cents per can and making "questioning" eyes at me....I blustered a feeble..."no Honey , he only eats that other stuff.....
I know inevitably that this conflict will soon get resolved one way or 'tother.......
Determined Chinese Lady meets angry, deadly Maine Coon Killer cat over food choices...........I almost can predict the result......
Lady 1.....Cat 0..... ;D ;D
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;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Haha .. anybody knew this was coming , when first setting eyes on this Journey to the far land ?
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Then I settle back on the balcony for an hour or so watching the beauties go by in very short cotton dresses and even shorter shorts and I have breakfast.
It sure is hard being married and living in China.
Willy......what are you referring to when you say It? ???
Oh Rhon...why did you have to ask that !!!...God knows what his answer will be!!!! ???
No been on here much lately. Been on the balcony. Taking advantage of teh hot weather. Cold Beer. Reclining chair. Thinking I will miss all this next week when we move into the new apartment. Overlooks trees and swimming pools. Now to return to the few days of sunning myself with eyes firmly towards the ground level. At least I know my wife does not leave before the normal time each day. No need to keep one eye on the front door.
IT will not be happening next week. Whatever IT was.
Willy
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Maxx,
In preparation for the coming apocalypse, I went through my clothes, narrowed down my wardrobe, even ditched a couple old suits, I'm hoping my ties are safe. The bulk of the Ts are gone. I will miss them, but better I abandon them on my terms and anything that is serviceable attire, went to the Goodwill store. I'm sure some poor sap will want one of those old suits. The ragged bluejeans, I've still got a couple pair. I'm certain I will lose them when she arrives down the road. For now, we'll just focus on keeping her happy there, until she comes here and drastically alters my life.
I've also started talking to her about the dog's dietary needs. The explanation that Boston's are prone to dry skin and getting fat, so he cannot have the cheap food, because he will begin to shed, flake and bloat. And no one wants a bloated bulldog of any variety. They do get horrible gassy. She at current appears to understand. She thinks he is cute, but worries he will not like. Another irony of Bostons, they might be bullies, but the worst he would do is water your leg from the excitement of meeting you.
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Lloyd
I fear mightily for your potential predicament.....
"New Chinese wife meets large flatulent dog who lets rip around the house"...................better watch carefully what you eat for the first few weeks....could well be dog stew !!!!!!
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Lloyd
I fear mightily for your potential predicament.....
"New Chinese wife meets large flatulent dog who lets rip around the house"...................better watch carefully what you eat for the first few weeks....could well be dog stew !!!!!!
I'm not concerned, she thinks eating dog is disgusting. She had a poodle, until mom and step-dad separated, he refused to care for it while they found a place to live and they couldn't keep it at the shop... What I'm worried about is that she now has a kitten... :o
One fact I know very well, my dog does not like cats. Maybe 'cuz the girl I was dating at the time I got him, had him snipped.... or the fact that an alleycat tried to eat him when he was 2 months old. He was a runtly little thing, then he grew... guess I fed him right
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I married her the first time in China Aug 5 2006 Then again April 19 2007 in the U.S. The years have passed quickly. It seems just like yesterday. That I was stressing over the visa application. And worried if she would be able to adjust to the U.S. My wife has done fine. She still won't learn to drive. Or do any of the paperwork, I have to fill out. I don't know why. Here English comprehension is almost perfect. She still plays hell trying to say some words. But all in all she do's a good job with it.
Are three boys are happy and healthy. And Are just like all little boys. They are allways in trouble for something. Tristan are Six year old has just finished Kindergarten. He is are JR Einstein. He graduated at the head of the class. He is going to summer school in July, After summer school they are going to talk about moving him to second grade. If he does as well in summer school as he did in Kindergarten. The last parent teacher conference I went to. Tristan teacher told me that he was so far ahead of everybody else. That she didn't have anything else to teach him.
I'm not to sure about this I don't want him to get bored in School. But he is just six years old and he acts like he is six years old. So socially this may be to big a jump at such a young age. I guess I'll just have to wait to see how he does in summer school.
Conner is 4 and he just finished pre school. He did ok. He wasn't the head of his class like Tristan. but he picked up everything they taught him real quick. Conner is already regesterd at a different school. That has a better rating then the one he just finished. So we will see how this works. Conner is are little charmer. He can turn on the charm anytime he wants to and get anything he wants. It gets to be a bother taking the kid anywhere people always want to touch him and hug him. talk to him. That you can't get anything done. Conner can use both hands to write or throw a ball. He is just as good left handed as he is right handed. His great grandfather could use either hand. So I thought that was kind of cool.
AJ are youngest is going to be 2 on July 3rd He is a baby on a mission he never walks anywhere he runs all the time. He is very vocal if something isn't going his way. Everything in AJ world has to be in order. He lines up shoes, books, clothes, He is always pulling his wagon around picking up his toys, Just so he can dump it out and start all over.
As far as me and my wife go. We are ok. We don't have to many disagreements. I guess are biggest hurdle like all married couples is money. Where I will spend some money trying to make more money.She will want to save the money to make sure we can pay for something down the road. So we do clash over that sometimes. We don't let it get out of hand so it doesn't make that much of a difference. My wife do's like the U.S. she likes the shopping. She likes that you don't have to push somebody out of your way to buy something at the store. She likes the schools and how involved the parents are with there kids education. She really likes the programs and the help that the schools offer in this area. After the first couple of visits to the hospitals and doctors offices she is good with it now. She tells me all the time how much better the hospitals and doctors are here then they are in China.
All in all it hasn't been a bad experience. I would still be the first in line to do it all again.
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As far as me and my wife go. We are ok. We don't have to many disagreements. I guess are biggest hurdle like all married couples is money. Where I will spend some money trying to make more money.She will want to save the money to make sure we can pay for something down the road. So we do clash over that sometimes.
The Clash over Cash
Yes, we SPEND time over this as well. My wife is great at saving money and complains to me my ability not to save. I need to reply that I pay the majority of the bills, only leaving her to pay her own credit card and sometimes groceries. It is a subtle transaction saving for the future, while still enjoying the today.
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I only pay at the supermarket and my Chinese language teacher monthly fee. I pay no household bills, no TV, no internet, no telephone, no gas, no water, no electricity, no garden or car parking charges nor any other regular charge.
I have no interest in paying these. Am I concerned - no one bit. I have complete faith in my wife's spending. She will not buy something costing even 5 rmb without telling me the price. Whenever she goes to the safe she will tell me how much she has taken for the monthly expenses.
I have money paid into our account every month which we both have access to. This is far more than we need for every day living. I have no idea and in fact do not need to know how much she is paid for looking after her nieces children. I have no idea if this goes into the safe or her own account. That is her money as far as I am concerned.
I tell her that she can spend what she likes. If she wants to save for when I am not here then thats ok because while I am here I have what I want when I want.
She has changed my life and my only wish would be that I had a lot more years, than I probably have, to enjoy what I have found late in life.
Willy