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Useful Links And Articles / PBS- Story of China
« Last post by JohnB on June 18, 2017, 12:48:59 AM »
this appears interesting. The Story of China on PBS, premieres Tues, June 20
historian Michael Wood, host of PBS' upcoming six-part docu-series, "The Story of China" (http://www.pbs.org/story-china/home/) exploring the 4,000-year history of China. We filmed over the course of more than two years and captured locations and events never before filmed by outsiders, places news crews would never venture to in order to tell this country's epic story and how it has shaped today's China.
Be sure to check out "The Story of China" airing June 20, June 27 and July 11 at 8 pm ET/ 7 pm CT. Check out the trailer!
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The Campfire / Re: JUST FOR A LAUGH
« Last post by JohnB on June 08, 2017, 08:27:47 PM »
Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks
to paint the seat on their toilet. Finally, he got around to
doing it while Lucy was out. After finishing, he left to take
care of another matter before she returned.

She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting
in the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up,
she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her
to the toilet seat.

About that time, Charlie got home and realized her predicament.
They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever..
Finally, in desperation, Charlie undid the toilet seat bolts.
Lucy wrapped a sheet around herself and Charlie drove her
to the hospital emergency room.

The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study
how to free her (Try to get a mental picture of this.).

Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying,
"Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before"

The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of them... 
I just never saw one mounted and framed."
 
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The Campfire / Re: JUST FOR A LAUGH
« Last post by JohnB on June 08, 2017, 08:19:57 PM »
The plane leaves Heathrow under the control of a Jewish captain; his co-pilot is Chinese.
It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to
indicate a mutual dislike.
Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in
his seat, and mutters, 'I don't like Chinese..'
'No rike Chinese?' asks the co-pilot, 'why not?'
'You people bombed Pearl Harbor!, that's why!'
'No, no', the co-pilot protests, 'Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese.'
'Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese....doesn't matter, you're all alike!'
There's a few minutes of silence.
'I no rike Jews!' the co-pilot suddenly announces.
'Oh yeah, why not?' asks the captain.
'Jews sink Titanic!' says the co-pilot.
'What? You're insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!' exclaims the captain, 'It was an iceberg!'
'Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg, ..no mattah...all same'.
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The Campfire / Re: JUST FOR A LAUGH
« Last post by JohnB on June 06, 2017, 08:18:37 PM »
Vasectomy by the Comedics

(sung to the tune of the Beatles' "Yesterday")

Vasectomy

A surgeon took the goods away from me
And though I should be feeling more carefree
Oh, I grieve my vasectomy
Suddenly I'm not half the man I used to be
There more like ornaments upon a tree
Oh, I grieve my vasectomy
Why they had to go
I don't know She wouldn't say
I said something wrong
Now they're gone Like Yesterday
Vasectomy
Love was such an easy game for me
Now that I'm firing blanks it's plain to see
That I grieve
my vasectomy

cbc.ca
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The Campfire / Re: JUST FOR A LAUGH
« Last post by JohnB on June 06, 2017, 08:13:14 PM »
COVFEFE
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The Campfire / Re: JUST FOR A LAUGH
« Last post by Robertt S on June 02, 2017, 02:26:30 PM »
 :)
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The Campfire / Re: JUST FOR A LAUGH
« Last post by JohnB on June 02, 2017, 12:52:28 PM »
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me Life, between
the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the local pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and said to his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what exactly was your toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."
"Oh, that is so very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on a street corner. The man chuckled
leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She responded, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in
there twice in the last four years. Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the
other time he fell asleep."
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The Campfire / Re: JUST FOR A LAUGH
« Last post by JohnB on June 02, 2017, 12:43:22 PM »
After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on
America's ball-related recreational preferences:

The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is basketball.
The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling.
The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is football.
The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball.
The sport of choice for middle management is tennis.
The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf.

Conclusion: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
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The Campfire / Re: JUST FOR A LAUGH
« Last post by JohnB on June 02, 2017, 12:39:52 PM »
little Johnny is back!

The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad’s farm,
and we all saw his pet sheep.
It was fascinating”.

The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word
“fascinate, not fascinating
”.
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and
I was fascinated”
. The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I
wanted you to use the word fascinate”.

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had
been burned by Little Johnny before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word
“fascinate” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Narelle has a sweater with ten buttons, but her
tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”


The teacher sat down and cried.
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Your trip to China / Re: End of the road
« Last post by Pineau on May 30, 2017, 09:56:44 AM »
Hey Kenny, I have been immersed in Mandarin and Cantonese for about 20 years now and still have limited understanding. When I first went to China I started learning Mandarin, I quit studying when my then wife's English got better than my Chinese.
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