Refreshing her profile

[Darius]

Hi everybody,

Last Sunday i finally joined this wonderful forum with so many nice guys. I have read all what you ever written in all these forums. Always a silent guest for quite a while.
But my lady friend refreshed her profile exactly at the same day as i joined this forum after 2,5 months writing to each other. Agency 678. She said once to me that she would never talk to two men at a time because she neither has enough time nor finds it ok. I read here from Mike Shark and daghoi about fake letters of this Agency but i had a gut feeling all that has nothing to do with this lady.

In this time there was a lot of discrepancies in the letters and information i received from this lady but i didnt give it a damn because a lot of these letters were not from her as i know the way she writes her letters. For example in one of her first letters she said her father was a goverment official and her mother a teacher. Two weeks later she said her father was a small manager and her mother an ordinary worker in the same factory!!
We set an online meeting 4 weeks ago but she didnt show up and nothing mentioned about the meeting in her letter i received from her about two days later! I brought up the issue whether it is permitted by her Agency to have a direct contact and told her about experiences of some guys with this Agency and i received a footnote from the translator/Agency:

"I read what you said to Nora, I can understand what you are thinking about. But according to CL's principle, the translator is not allowed to do that, or the agency will be fined and we will be heavy punnished. And our agent considers that good service is the only way to succeed. So our translators must follow our rules without any violation. And we also know that love is love, a kind of feeling, not selling goods, directly communication is very very important to you and Nora. I am very sure translators in Siyecao agency all work according to our rules, I am also sure all letters are finished by ladies themselves, I have confidence that service of my agency is honest and sincere, I believe time could proves this."

The last letter i received from her on Monday i can tell you for sure that is not from her. It must be either from the agency or the translator. A lot of lovey dovey stuffs, rainy weather and love and so on. In this letter she said she is in Guangzhou and how rainy at the moment Guangzhou was! But in one of her previous letters she had said to me that she would be between 12th-18th of June in an another city. I couldnt wait anymore. I wanted to know. So i took the phone finally and called her for the very first time, as i could get her phone number. I got it what you guys with your sweeties all the time are talking about. I will never forget her sweet voice. Hi, it is darius, do you know me? my heart beating, yes i know you, a roar of hearty laughter. Her English is not good but she can say a lot of simple sentences. I asked her where she was at that moment and she said she was not in Guangzhou as she wrote to me before. We talked about 20 minutes on the phone although she was at a meeting. The last 5 minutes oh guys i tell you was so funny, she said she was walking, what? at a meeting and she was walking!! Where are you walking, she said no no, i am w a l k i n g. she tried and tried again laughing all the time, finally i got it right. She was not walking but working. I am such a fool! But we laughed togather for a while bevor we said by and zai jian.

Part of her shady last letter i got one day after she refreshed her profile:

"Dear, we are getting hope from each other, everyday our heart full of hope, doing this make me feel we are very young in heart, full of passion and energy. Dear Darius, I was thinking, how it be exciting if there is no money needed for you come to China! Then you can come to me without any paper or fee, and I could go to see you freely... but it is only a dream which could not become true forever, hmmm..."

What the hell she/translator/Agency are trying to tell me? I dont have a clue at all.

It took her about 2,5 months to be sure at last i am the right one for her. She was a bit cautious after an Aussie guy had promised her to come to China after some months of writing but gone away without telling her a word, got vaporized.
Three days before refreshing her profile she wrote to me:

"My dear Darius, yes, I am make big efforts for our relationship, but you don't need thank me for that, I am committed to having a relationship that lasts for the rest of my life and I know clearly it needs both us work hard for it constantly, this is something important I have learned and I am now ready to make a lifetime committment ---"
...So you can understand why I am so happy here, as I am finally find the right one, I really feel you're the one I am searching for... please reply me as soon as possible, as I am so hope could meet you soon."

Could the refreshing of her porfile has anything to do with this committment?
BTW We have set an online meeting for the next Saturday in the Agency!

So it sounds a bit like paranoia. Any opinion would be appreciated. Thanks again.

[Neil]

Congratulations Darius, she sounds like a good person and it looks like there is a very real connection between you two.

I would complain to Chnlove if you keep receiving misleading letters that you know are false though.  I had a translator that got some of our letters mixed up and sent to the wrong people and they stepped in and straightened things out right away.  I think he may have even been fired as we now have a lady translator.  It sounds to me like a translator that is overworked and very disorganized - if he was trying to scam you he would have his facts straight and you wouldn't be able to tell his words from hers.  Just my opinion.  

I would suggest if you do complain that you tread carefully, you don't want to cause any grief for your lady.  I know after my incident, my girl was a little nervous about coming back to the agency for a while.  Our letters went from daily to nearly 4 days between for a couple weeks.  Of course she never mentioned anything to me about her nervousness - how could she through the translator, it's just the impression I got.  

I'd ask her about the refresh.  It shows your concern for her to her.  It could even be a test - is he paying attention, is he jealous, will he stand up and be a man...  Just don't call her on it if it is, pass her test and move on.

[Vince G]

Darius, You should have posted sooner? There's allot to cover. I'm glad you can tell the difference in the writings between the lady and the translator. Maybe drop a note at the bottom of the letter to cut the crap. don't use my words :icon_biggrin: but make a point of it. The refreshing isn't worth the work finding out and doesn't matter anyway. My lady did it (or the agency did) about 2 1/2 months into it also and I just let her know I knew it. She blamed herself but I know it was the agency. Making it short.

What the translator was saying "I was thinking, how it be exciting if there is no money needed for you come to China! Then you can come to me without any paper or fee, and I could go to see you freely" Real nice of her to say, it would be nice to meet but bring money.

On the phone you hear the real woman. She does like you or it would have went a different way. Isn't it funny and exciting to hear them talk. Walking? haha My lady and I do this every weekend and we laugh so much. She came up with this word Mutton? and even though she (hopefully) didn't understand what I said she understood the tone when I said to myself "What the hell is mutton?" Hearing her laugh so hard is such a great thing.

This builds the relationship so keep it up.

[JimB]

The Agency has the right to refresh her profile.  But i would ask her anyway. But remember the 24 hour rule. Please remember that if nothing else.

[Irishman]

Darius, she seems like a nice girl to me. You have talked to her directly on the phone, she wouldn't do this if it wasn't real.
The 24 hour rule applies here big time, she seems pretty genuine to me. Don't let paranoia blow some thing that could be wonderful.

I ruined one CNL relationship because i had doubt where there shouldn't have been any and she was beautiful and  lovely and it is still a bit painful for me to think about it.

I'd try t speak to her more on the mobile or maybe msn or qq id she is willing, get to knwo the real her.
I think the vast majority of problems western guys have on chnlove are due to language and cultural misinterpretations - maxx's 24 rule is very important, sleep on it and see if perhaps there is another reason she said xyz..there usually is!

[China Shark]

I agree with the guys, don't chance ruining the real thing by paranoia and doubts. From what I get it seems like both of you are
headed in the right direction.
China Shark Mike

[Arnold]

Darius , wish you good luck with the On-line meeting on Saturday . I see no problem with that , since the Phone call was a success . Please let us know how that turns out . Your doing great , keep it going .

[Willy The Londoner]

On the phone you hear the real woman. She does like you or it would have went a different way. Isn't it funny and exciting to hear them talk. Walking? haha My lady and I do this every weekend and we laugh so much.

This builds the relationship so keep it up.

I quite agree with Vince - talking on the phone you hear so much more and the time we spend laughing together are priceless.  You hear her shiffling and sneezing when she has a cold, giggling when you pronounce your Mandarin wrong. You can tell from the tone of her voice that she is happy and the way she says that first 'Ni Hoa' when you call her, tells you she is very happy to be talking to you again.

Willy the Londoner

[Vince G]

On the phone with my lady, I heard a munching sound? I said what are you doing? She said "I eat eggs" She made sure I could hear her chewing which was funny in itself. Then she has moved (again) and said she had to close the curtains because a neighbor can see in. She then described the curtains (which took a while even when spelling it) "gauze" gauze? But I came to understand she meant the fabric was like gauze light and not tightly knitted. I told her that the word gauze is mostly used for a type of bandage. But the coming of understanding and working together in communicating is so worth it. You know it from the letters that follow the call. :icon_cheesygrin:

I'm adding in last weekends call here. I called and she was at the market with a girlfriend so she couldn't talk, and still did well with her english without the translator she uses. Her girlfriend wanted to say hello to me so she did and I said hello back figuring the GF didn't know english anyway? This is what she said about just this 2-3 minute call.

" I don't know why, but my darling, after my friend talking with you, even though only one word, I feel that I am much closer to you now, as I have brought you to my life more and more! Do you also have this feeling, my darling?"

So it is Soooooo worth it. Oh and the gf wants to have dinner with me when I do get there. Which is much better then not wanting to know me at all.

[MLM]

I remember the first phone call we had together, I called her  and we talked on the phone for about 3 hours ( Her English was very good ) and the funny thing is when I got off the phone my son asked me what we had talked about and I couldn't tell him because I couldn't remember anything but the sound of her voice and the fact that I couldn't wait to hear it again.

[Agarn]

Hey Vince,   get used to the sound, they mostly chew with their mouths open, just try not to pick up the habit yourself when you visit, in this case its ok to be different, haha.

[Darius]

Thanks a lot for all your replies. I am going to follow your advice not screwing myself up yet, as i learned from this forum all the ladies are real until proved clearly otherwise and not the other way around.

Neil i totally agree with you. It is easy to guess that in the early stage as the translator still wrote the letters she made a big mistake about her parents job but not about her sister. Later as my lady friend begann to write her own letters she told me much about herself and her parents and her family. So as i asked her about which one being true, assuming the translator playing in all the next few letters the leading lady, she had to decide to tell the truth and say she made a mistake but that would mean consequently the same as confessing she wrote those letters on
her own. I think it was out of the question. She begann to spin a story so ridicules in itself with more lying, as i confronted her with it politely, i got a letter with something like how good is a man who has a broad heart and forgives easily five days later! And that was just one of the discrepancies i found in the letters.

So this time i had to decide either cutting the crap as Vince used to say and moving on or finding and beating my way to the other side of the Wall to my lady. I tell you it will be not easy to think logically if you are
emotionally involved. I was about to put an end to the whole thing but i saw suddenly this sentence in one of the letters:

"I don't want the agency influenced our relationship, I hope you know what they do is non of my business, I am a ordinary Chinese woman who longing for a true lover, a caring husband..."

Beating my brains out i finally decided for the second choice, to play this play till i find my way to this lady. And i tried to use chnlove as a bludgeon to attain partly my goals, although i have never complained to chnlove about this agency because i dont want to risk and destroy all the connections to her. I think the Agencies have a great respect for Chnlove but both are like a pair of shoes, you cant walk if one pinches. I could partly fix the problem just by telling them about complaining to chnlove without really doing it.

But two point still make me a bit anxious, first the rating for this agency are going down permanently second i have never seen any success story related to this agency.

I am going to ask my lady straight but politely in our web meeting about refreshing of her profile and see how the reaction is especially of the translator.

Thanks Arnold i let you all know. It is really such a good feeling to be a part of this brotherhood and not a silent  guest.

[Jadams79]

Dont pick up the habbit of spitting things on tables or the floor either, people get really angery in the states when you do this, LOL!!!!!

[Darius]

Hi Everybody

I´ve done it. I am not single anymore. It is a huge difference between seeing your lady who are laughing with all her face, shyly flirting with you and just writing. She is even more beautiful as the photos and the translater Sissy is a nice young lady. I talked with her too. The both became very good friends. She left us even for a while so that we could talk with each other in private. After the meeting my lady wanted to go to buy some gifts for her, i guess because of helping with the translation.

I asked her about refreshing of her profile. There was a cheerful talk about 5 minutes between two ladies. She said she didnt know and care about that. As she registered with this agency she could choose how often her profile should be refreshed by the agency. She chose every three months. But i am her one and only.
she said we have a saying in china red woman green man, she wore a red Tshirt and i a green one. What a coincidence. Guys get your green clothes out of your wardrobes and be aware of a bombardment of questions. i couldnt keep up with her.
 
Guys i wish i could share my happiness with you all. To all who are beginning with this journey,  dont loose your faith and you will never regret.

[Arnold]

Hi Everybody

I´ve done it. I am not single anymore. It is a huge difference between seeing your lady who are laughing with all her face, shyly flirting with you and just writing.
 
Guys i wish i could share my happiness with you all. To all who are beginning with this journey,  dont loose your faith and you will never regret.

Darius , isn't it great to have first " Found " , second realize she is for " Real " and third .. knowing what a wonderful and sweet
" Person " she is ? Now both of your Heart's will be open much more and it will be a lot easier to move on from here . So happy for you Darius , cherish and enjoy it for what it is and what it can become in the Future .