China Romance

All About China => Share your love story => Topic started by: JOHN1964 on November 12, 2010, 08:56:19 pm

Title: my love story
Post by: JOHN1964 on November 12, 2010, 08:56:19 pm
Hello everybody, I am quite new to this site and am happy to have something to share.
My story started on April 23rd, I joined Chnlove without any expiations of really meeting someone special,
At first i had the usual admiration mail but only one stood out from the rest so i began communicating with a lady named Minying li,
After a few weeks we begun to enjoy reading eachothers daily letters and i decided to plan my first trip to China.

I arrived in Beijing on the 18th of September and met Minying at the china peoples palace, She brought along a translator with herself and she was going to stay for a week with us as Minyings English is very limited.

When i  met my lady in the hotel lobby,  She was very happy and also very shy, I gave her some roses and a kiss on the cheek which made her a little red in the face, After the first day together we both were very comfortable and smiles and laughter was more frequent and the language barrier was not to much of an issue.

After three days, Minying asked the translator to leave us and return to her home town, We both grew closer each following day and had a fantastic time together, She was stared at in public for holding my hand and was a little shy about this sometimes but she accepted this and tried to not let it bother her, She was a little overwhelmed sometimes that i would open doors for her and seat her at the dining table first and she also never had a man carry shopping bags for her before.

We spent 14 wonderful days together and our last 4 days were a little different,  She was reaching for my hand in public and giving more cuddles and affection than before and was getting quite sad that we would soon part company, She would not let me out of her sight , not for a minute, We slept together,, fully clothed and uncomfortable, But i got to watch her sleep and wake every morning, Our last evening was the best night , We dined together and shared a few drinks, She was playful like a school girl and a barrel of laughs,
The following morning i took her to the train station to return to her city of Handan, I never thought it would be so hard to say good bye to her  but i was wrong, She stood there and watched me walk away, She was the last person to board the train, I did not want to look back but i could not help myself.

She is the most beautiful soul that i have met and we still keep daily contact with her, She texts me on the phone every day and never misses a day without the e,mail, We have pledged our love for each other and i am to return to her on December 23rd to meet her family, They are all aware of our relationship and have never seen their daughter so happy, I am to stay with her for a month and with her family's blessing we will marry, She has asked if i will live with her in China but as a single father this will not be possible until my children are all a little older, If things go as planed, She will come to live here with me in Australia .

At this moment i am taking Mandarin lessons to help with the communication and she is also learning a little English, I am 46 and she is 35, She is 155cm and i am 188cm, we are two different people from two different walks of life, I must say that she is the most wonderful person that i have ever met and my thoughts are with her every day, I never imagined that i would fall in love with someone from a different culture or a non English speaking country, How happy i am to be so wrong.

Here i am now nearly seven months of knowing this lady and i am totally head over heels in love with her, I have read many of the wonderful stories here and i am so happy to be one of the lucky ones to find such a beautiful and caring woman in China, I will cherish this lady and spoil her rotten for the rest of her life.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Paul Todd on November 12, 2010, 09:29:43 pm
Welcome to the forum John  ;D

Congratulations on finding your lady! I could not agree with you more they are indeed very special. I have been married for just over a year now and I'm more in love with my wife now than ever. Like yourself  "I will cherish this lady and spoil her rotten for the rest of her life"  Little did we know when we clicked on that link to the Chnlove website just how much our lives would change! December is not that far away so I hope the time passes quickly until you see her again!
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on November 12, 2010, 09:39:52 pm
Welcome John. 

What a great story.  Thanks for sharing it.  I look forward to hearing from you more.  There are many here that have good advice but I bet since you have already been to China that you can offer a few pearls of wisdom.


Shaun
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on November 13, 2010, 12:18:11 am
Welcome to this forum John , the Aussies are multiplying , and all are happy , any questions just yell or otherwise read on , regards Sujuan and Robert .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Hajo on November 13, 2010, 02:18:03 am
Hello John,

A very nice story. Reminds me a little of when I met my wife. Our communications were limited too. But sometimes you do not need words to tell each what you think.

Learning Mandarin is difficult but it will make your future wifes family happy that you try. I remember my wifes family. Just that you can say "Ni hao", "Xie xie" eller "Zaijian" will mean a lot to them. The members of my wifed family laughed a lot when I said those words or learned a new word. They didn't laugh because the pronunciation was wrong, but because they were happy that I tried to speak there language. It will make Minying happy too.

My wife and I discussed staying in China too. But I have a son of my own, who hasn't finished school yet. And there is another challenge, finding a job as foreigner who doesn't speak the language. We decided to take my wifes son with us to Denmark. When he is grown up and has finished school, we will decide where to live.

About being shy, my wife was very shy too. It's part of the traditional way to raise children, my wife told me. In fact, it took my wife almost a year of living together with me to let go her shyness and open up.

I wish you two good luck and happiness!!

Hajo   
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on November 13, 2010, 03:29:33 am
Hi John....a big welcome from a Sandgroper  ;D ;D

Your lovely story is one more to add to the impressive list of Bros here who have found someone very special in China.

All the very best to you and your lady for the future

DavidE
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Scottish_Rob on November 13, 2010, 05:42:52 am
Welcome John

A very nice and touching story.  Glad to have you abourd....
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Jason B on November 13, 2010, 07:18:01 am
Mate, welcome aboard.  Enjoy the ride, the shyness is part of what makes them so special.  I would never have thought that a 35 year old woman would be shy but my Xia is shy some times and that all adds to the mystique of why we all love our women so much.

They are all angels and as has been mentioned by the other Cobbers on here we are slowly growing in numbers and one day we will take over the world.

Best of luck to you both, we are slowly putting together information in the Australian requirements for what we need for visas for our angles, so that maybe something to look into soon.  If you need any help or info just holler and the brotherhood will provide what help it can
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on November 13, 2010, 01:24:43 pm
Welcome John , thanks for your Story that brings back my own Adventure ( that it sure was ) of finding my Wife of 2 1/2 years now . I tell you , having a great Lady like this .. everyday is filled with Sunshine . Please continue to bring us updates of your next Trip , because we are all Nosy here .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: mustfocus on November 13, 2010, 01:34:33 pm
Hi John,

Really happy to hear your story.  It's always good to hear about the success stories on top of the not so successful ones.  It makes the story more precious... :)
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Scottish_Rob on November 13, 2010, 02:46:14 pm
.... because we are all Nosy here .

arnold...what you trying to say mate??? ;D ;D ::) ::) ;D
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on November 13, 2010, 07:03:27 pm
And here I thought that I was the only one whose woman told him he had a big nose.  ???   Naaa...  You don't need to know the rest.  ;)

Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JOHN1964 on November 13, 2010, 07:18:17 pm
Thanks to you all for the support and kind words, Minying has sent me many texts and a new e,mail since yesterday morning, We are both missing eachother badly, How did you all survive the months apart before you were together permanently?, One of the hardest things about missing her is when she sends new photos to me, She tells me that the smile is for me.
Can anyone tell me how to post pictures here or even if it is possible, Thanks again everyone, john
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JamesM.Roberts on November 13, 2010, 07:30:32 pm
Welcome to the brotherhood John (....of those in the know)  ;D Very touching love story John-I am sure that you have brought back memories for all of us here. You asked "How did you all survive the months apart before you were together permanently?" I cannot answer for everyone here (as I'm still waiting too) but I find myself acting like a male bird ......just feathering the nest, trying to get things perfect, so I can spend more time with my love instead of fixing things around the house
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Vince G on November 13, 2010, 07:32:02 pm

To Post a Photo:

Write your post and click on Preview. Under the writers window Click on Additional Options you will see "Attach" choose your file (and any other adjustments you feel like) and that's it.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JOHN1964 on November 14, 2010, 04:20:59 am
Thanks vince for the info,,cheers, john.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Kiwi303 on November 14, 2010, 05:40:30 am
Nice woman :D

But who's the ugly old troll with her in the first two pics? you should chase him off quick smart before he makes off with your girl :P
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on November 14, 2010, 05:50:57 am
Now we see one of the reason you are so happy.  She is very pretty John. 

You asked about coping?  I guess each one of us do it differently.   Talking and reading on this site helps.  Talking to your girl via webcam helps.  But staying busy is the best way to deal with waiting.  I work two jobs.  One of them is my own store and my store is more than a ful time job.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Jason B on November 14, 2010, 06:03:30 am
beautiful girl mate, pity you have the second most beautiful girl in China, but each guy will tell you that their girl is the most beautiful.  And I am no exception.  Each of us copes in the best way he can.  I do not believe that there is a magic formula, some days are harder than others and this goes for both parties involved.  Talking on Skype, QQ and phone (via skype or just SMS messages) are almost mandatory and help to keep sane.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on November 14, 2010, 01:22:48 pm
John , I can see why you had such quick success . It's the " BLUE " eyes of your's . Chinese Women love blue eyes and I'm sure your LAdy told you so already .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on November 14, 2010, 10:31:45 pm
Arnold?  :o   Why didn't you tell me Chinese women like blue eyes.  I would have worn blue contacts when I went to China.   Gee.  ::)
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: AndreW on November 15, 2010, 12:25:15 am

Hellow

I am Andre.

I am newbie here looking for any tips and advice on finding romamce with an Asian/Chinese lady.

I have joined Chn Love but it seems that letters are all impersonal, round robin style letters sent by the agency not the lady.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on November 15, 2010, 01:10:36 am
Hi Andre

Yet another Aussie !!!!....quite a few of us here now.

Yes, you have noticed what is very common, the initial letters are usually "form" letters sent by CHNlove to get you interested and to start buying credits.

I suggest you invest a few hours and read through some of the topics on the Forum, where you will find a mountain of information to help you in your quest.

If you then have any specific questions, I am sure that you will get much helpful and relevant advice from many Bros here.

DavidE
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Chong on November 15, 2010, 07:39:54 am
Congrats John,

Start to assemble all communication records [ phone calls, emails, print your EMFs etc etc ] and all the photos & receipts from your recent trip. I would start investigating your application now; you have a whole bunch of Aussie doing this process currently that can help.

Have a great trip in Dec.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JOHN1964 on November 15, 2010, 09:46:16 am
Hi again all of you ,
I can not believe the amount of posts since my first ever letter to this site,
Any way, I would like to thank each and every one of you,
Ok, The truth of the matter is that i cut my first trip to China short by about eight days,
Minyings family did not know that she was coming to meet with me in Beijing, Her father was very,,, disappointed that she came to Beijing to meet with a westerner,
After a few days of not being with the family, Her father called her to discover that she was in Beijing with me and was a little angry with her.
The constant phone calls from him was too much for her and she tried to explain to him on the phone that she and i had feelings for eachother.
She tried to explain to him but he did not want to know,
It was a hard decision but she returned to Handan on the last day of September to talk with her family,
I really thought that this was the end of our relationship then and there,
Our last night together was was so intimate and i must say that i have never felt for some one in the way that i feel for Minying,
The next morning after taking her to the train station, I phoned the airline to change my flights,
Never before have i felt so heart broken, To walk away from her was the hardest thing i ever did in my entire life.

We kept the daily e,mails going and she talked with her family every week,
Her mothers birthday came and i wrote to give her my best regards for the day and this went down very well, Her mother and her older brother began to ask more questions about me and Minying was only to happy to tell all, I guess that Minying painted a good picture of me as her mother and brother began to like me and was able to see that she was happier than before.
It was not to long before  now that her mother and brother gave their approval for us,
Today Minying is so happy to tell me that her father has returned from working away and her mother has told him of our ongoing romance and she can see the change in their daughter,
I am so happy to say that her father now wants to meet me and she also told him of our plans to marry.

I guess that in five weeks i will know for sure if we have the families approval or not, Minying assures me that if not then she will demand that our marriage will take place no matter what,
She is very strong willed, she is gorgeous, She is the most attractive woman in China, "To me".

I can see why all of you other mear men do think that your women are the most beautiful from China, "arent they all?"

I love my Chinese princess and would give my dying breath for her, She, next to my children , is the most precious thing in my life,
I never imagined that i would feel this way for someone .

Minying has sent me more photos with her smile and says that it is just for me, She makes it harder for us to be apart sometimes with her comments but  i know that she just misses me as i do miss her too,
Well, sorry for crying on your shoulder but no one else will listen ^__^
thanks lady's and gentlemen

keep you posted
John
   
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on November 15, 2010, 11:39:31 am
It is easy to fall in Love with these wonderful Women John , but we all must also expect/win over her Family as well . This is of course not always easy by no means . I think you have done and your Lady rightfully handled her part winning her Family's approval . You on your way to happiness , now cherish it and don't goof it up . ;)
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on November 15, 2010, 06:19:24 pm
Way to go John !!!

I think you will find, as most of us have, that winning Mother's heart is 90% of the battle for acceptance. Of course, Father has the upfront presence, but Mum will be the iron fist in the velvet glove...if she approves, Dad will most likely come along...eventually !!!

Many Chinese people have only heard the worst about Western Men who go to China for a cheap thrill, those of us who are sincere and serious have this handicap to overcome. Over time, they will get to know that you are a decent man who only wants the best for their daughter, and they will ultimately be happy about this.

There are a couple of fundamental points that you should never lose sight of, as you develop your relationship with your Treasure.

Our Global Moderator Maxx has given us what is probably the most important advice, and it has worked for all of us.......the 24 hour rule. I wont go into it in detail, its all here in the forum.

Next..."different culture, different ways."........it is always important to know that we may on some issues have a cultural barrier to overcome, be patient and understanding and these differences dont become show stoppers, only learning experiences.

Finally..."this is not the easiest of roads you have chosen to travel"...but I dont have to tell you that the rewards are infinite !!!

If you need to begin planning your Visa application, I have just been through this and have lots of info. if you need it.

But Chong is correct, start collecting and recording ALL of the interactions with your Lady. One of the most significant issues you will face in your Visa application is the requirement to PROVE your relationship is genuine and ongoing. You do this by having a very detailed set of communication history, photos, air tickets, reciepts etc etc.

In the meantime, just enjoy the experience together, be happy that you found each other and understand that you have something very special...great isn't it  ;D ;D

All the best

David
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on November 15, 2010, 06:30:19 pm
Ahhhh .. I knew David would come with all the important Info. , so I don't have to .  8) I'm too lazy at the moment .

Thank you very much David and John .. you found a place to make things a lot easier for you ( as you might know already ) then .. the " Official Forum " .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JOHN1964 on November 21, 2010, 09:30:14 am
Hi everyone, Still here thinking of Minying,Why is it so hard to stop thinking of her?, I have had some "beautiful" girlfriends over the last ten or so years but i can not get Minying out of my head, Her smile is the most welcome smile that i have ever seen, The grin on her face shows the love for me, As you all have seen, I am not the most handsome guy in the world, She still writes me every day and sends text msgs all the time, She has the family wanting to meet the man who has made their daughter so happy over the last seven months now,
It was not always like this, Her father was a little angry to discover that his daughter was in Beijing to meet with a western man, She tried to explain to him that we wanted to be together but he did not want to know, Minyings mother has told the father of our desire to be together and now he has agreed to meet with me,,I will not return from China without his approval, Give me some advice please if you have some, Thanks "brothers" , Help me out here.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on November 21, 2010, 09:47:34 am
I had the same problem...was quite concerned what to do to charm the old Coot !!!

Half a bottle of Johnny Walker after we met seemed to do solve all the problems...we both got plastered together (much to the disgust of all the ladies)...hey ho !! whatever works...works  ;D ;D ;D

I am sure he was just as concerned as me, but in the end he just knew that I only wanted to make his daughter happy and that I was a genuine Man, not a Western sleaze.

I am sure you will find the same....dont worry

David
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JOHN1964 on December 05, 2010, 01:28:06 am
Hi guys and girls,
Well now only just over two weeks to go until i am in Handan with Minying, The wait has been almost unbearable, Every morning i awake around 3.30am just to reply to her last e,mail, The father has come around to his daughters demands of wanting me as her husband and we plan to marry in mid January, We still share the daily e,mails and the text messages are fun to translate, She always writes the sweetest things to me and is also missing me too,  I dont think that the family is so much of a problem now as Minying tells me that i am the main topic of conversation every time she goes home to visit the family now.

She now has a new job and a new apartment, She is happy with every e,mail we write and i called her again this week, Her English is limited and my Chinese is just a little more advanced so we do have some interesting moments in our conversations, The laughter flows easily and her voice is once again good to hear, She tells me that it is cold most days where she is living and needs my big hands to keep her warm,
Every day i look at the hundred or so pictures of her and it seems like a dream that we were once together, She promises me that we will have a better time together this time, She still feels guilty and a little sad for leaving me in Beijing the last time to talk with the family.
I am not there for a good time,,Only to be with her, That is my only reason to go to China, She thinks that by taking me to different places will keep me interested in her,,She is so wrong,,I am so happy to have the unconditional love of this beautiful lady and i will show her every day that i am totally devoted to her and will give her the best that i am able to give, She has changed my life for the better and i will repay her every day.     
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on December 05, 2010, 04:44:57 am
Way to go John , hope it is not to cold in Handan , they are hardy ladies but if you are cold buy a little fan heater for her , they are not expensive and the " I am not cold " soon becomes that is nice , but of course as soon as you leave it will probably return to it's box as expense [ electricity ]always overides comfort , but enjoy , I think it has been in the double digits below freezing in Sheyang of late and for us Aussies that is cold , regards Sujuan and Robert .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Rachel on December 05, 2010, 05:27:41 am
Very romantic love story.I am really touched.Wishing you happiness! :)
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on December 05, 2010, 07:41:21 am
And here I thought that I was the only one whose woman told him he had a big nose.  ???   Naaa...  You don't need to know the rest.  ;)

nope ..... my wife always calls me da bizi  (big nose) .... but I know she is just having some fun and is teasing me.
 :P
Like the new photo Mike - Are you sure she is just teasing you?   

Willy

PS I am just teasing you Mike.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JOHN1964 on December 18, 2010, 06:19:43 am
Hello again lady's and gents, It is now around 7pm here and it will soon be time for me to travel once again to be with my Chinese princess again, I do not leave Perth until midnight on Tuesday but my case is already packed and all the necessary paperwork is complete and ready for the wedding and the spouse visa application.
MinYing has just informed me that her new boss has agreed to give her a months vacation to be with me, This was such a welcome surprise to me and she is also excited to have so much time with me, We have a lot to do in the following weeks and i wish i had more time but it is not possible at this time.
Today she is attending her room mates wedding reception and i must say that i am a little on edge about her being there with me beside her, I trust her without a doubt but i know there will be single men there and some men do not give up easily, Just the thought of someone trying to pick her up is playing on my mind, I have never felt jealousy before, This is a new feeling for me and i do not like it,
Never mind as i said before i do trust her and without trust we have nothing.

I have so much rmb and will change some up on Friday in MinYings home town,  Our plan of attack is for me to arrive on Thursday evening and then we will go to Shijiazhuang to apply for the marriage certificate, We can not apply for it in her city as i am a foreigner and we have to go to the capital of her city and apply there, After this is granted we can be wed, I hope things can go as smooth as Gerry,s and his lovely wife but without the aftermath, I do have travel insurance as always.

Meeting the parents will be new to me but MinYing says that she will bring a friend to translate for us, I know how to introduce myself and greet them in a respectful way and also some minor sentences and words too, Hopefully i do not sound stupid trying to speak their native language, In will try my hardest.

Sitting here tonight it is quite warm, MinYing has told me that she is expecting snow soon so it wil be a sudden climate change for me but a most welcome one, It is easier to warm each-other than cool each other-down,
Well i will keep all informed and write when i am in china and let the brotherhood know how things progress.

bye everyone, enjoy Christmas with your family and loved ones,  Regards from MinYing and John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Jason B on December 18, 2010, 08:38:17 am
mate enjoy your trip and an early congratulations on your upcoming wedding.  But from someone who has been there MAKE sure you have ALL the necessary paperwork to get married, see David E post in Australian Requirements if unsure.  I did not have the single certificate translated to Chinese after being told by everyone it was not required to be translated and this can take up to one week to get done, so save yourself any unnecessary delays and heartache if you need a translation of anything scan in to your computer send via email to your lady and get her to print and take to get translated into Chinese.  They do not need the original just a copy is fine, but make sure it is both sides of any papers if there is some like this.  Just trying to help so you do not find yourself caught short like I did.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: halfpint on December 18, 2010, 12:17:46 pm
John

I've just read your story.  Congratulations, I think you are about to start a wonderful trip and journey.  Her family's acceptance of you, without having me you, is a testament to how happy she is.  You are very fortunate.  Enjoy your time and good luck.

Alan
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on December 18, 2010, 04:23:49 pm
Have a great time John, hope all goes to plan.

I sure wish I was going back to China myself  ;D ;D

I will think of you freezing in China whilst we suck on a coldie at +40 degrees in our Perth Summer !!!

Best wishes...David
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on December 18, 2010, 07:36:44 pm
Have a safe trip John , and may you enjoy all your time there , and we look forward to reading more on this trip as it unfolds , regards Sujuan and Robert .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Paul Todd on December 18, 2010, 08:19:52 pm
John,
My wife and I got our red books in Shijiazhuang. When we got to the building where the office was, it was empty??? After hunting round and asking anyone we came across, we found that they were all having choir practice! ???
We where treated to half an hour of excellent singing then we trouped downstairs and did the paperwork. No problem what so ever,although it's not what you would call romantic! I got all my paperwork from the embassy in Beijing. I hope it all goes as smoothly for you and MinYing. ;D
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JOHN1964 on December 22, 2010, 01:24:57 am
Hello every body, Im here in Shanghai airport now and just counting down the twenty six hours until my flight to connect me with my loved one, She is beside her self with excitement too and is ready for my return, It has been a long time coming but finally here now, The next 26hrs will be agony but worth the wait.
MinYings father is to return from working far from hame just to meet with me and decide if i am to be the one for his daughter, MinYing and her mother will not take no for an answer but i will see, I have a translator to be with us for the day so the communication will be a lot better, No doubt i will be given a hundred questions to answer and must pass with flying colours, Time will tell.

Love being back here again, Felt like i never left, Traffic,,Smog,,Great food,,I think im the only westerner here in the airport again, No blonde haired people, I feel like a giant among all of these people again, Stares from every one, Love the way the Chinese women dress, No comparison to the lady's back home , Getting hungry now people, Time to enjoy the local food again, keep you all posted  Regards from MinYing and Jonh,,,Merry Christmas every body and happy new year.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: halfpint on December 22, 2010, 01:27:42 am
Lucky guy, enjoy every minute  :).  Good luck with meeting the family, I hope it goes very well for you. 
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: MadeinAmerica on December 22, 2010, 03:50:53 pm
Best wishes and a Merry Christmas.  Nice time to go.

Do not worry about the Father.  Chinese families are pretty matriarchal in the home, and you have the women on your side.  I am sure they have him favorably inclined.  Just be yourself and show you are a nice man.  Even if your Chinese sucks, they appreciate that you learned a bit and will enjoy the laugh over your trying.

Enjoy!!
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JOHN1964 on December 23, 2010, 08:34:23 pm
Hey ladies and gents, My overnight stay in Shanghai was the longest wait in my life, After a restless night and the agonizing twenty six or twenty eght hours or so it was time to board my flight to Handan,,or so i thought.
The announcement came over the speaker that the flight to Handan was cancelled,,,,,,,I have never been so frustrated in my life,,,,Snow on the runway,
I tried to call MinYing but no connection, I was beside myself with feelings of anger and sheer frustration, I considered to try for a train and then an hour later the announcement came to board the aircraft,,,, YEE HAA,,Everybody raced for their seats and we took off.
The pilot some how cut off nearly thirty minutes off travelling time and we was there in record time.
We touched down a little after 7pm and it was freezing, -4 degrees, Me coming from 38+ only had on t,shirt and jeans, Snow on the ground and the wind cut right through me, I was numb to the wind as my thoughts were somewhere else,
I entered the terminal and then i saw a Chinese snow white,,Beautiful white skin with the red cheeks, long black hair and the biggest smile on her face,
She was absolutely stunning standing there in her long black boots, black tights and a short dress with a warm coat on, She was quick to get past the security and came running to me, I had a little trouble holding back the emotions, She took my breath away when she kissed me for the first time, She would not let me go and held me for what seemed like an eternity.
My bag was the last off the plane but i did not care one bit, Everybody stared at us when i picked this little lady up off the ground, She is so tiny to me and when i squeezed her i thought i was going to hurt her.
She tore up my hotel reservations and told me that she had booked a better one and we would stay there together, It is called the Star modern hotel in Handan and it is a beautiful hotel, Only 250rmb per night and like a five star palace, I do recommend to anyone who comes to Handan to stay here.
After arriving at the hotel we went for a meal in a local restaurant and as always she ordered a few dishes,,,Only four this time,, I could not eat as much as she and i am twice the size as her, She put away so much food and still looks so good, We strooled back to the hotel and she was complaining that i was not wearing warm clothes and kept trying to keep me warm, I was just happy for the attention.
We got back to the hotel and she demanded that i took off my shoes and put on the slippers ,,Then it hit me,,Just before i left Perth i cut my finger nails but forgot about my toe nails,,They looked like they belonged to a grizzly bear, hehe, She laughed and rolled around the bed for a while just making fun of them and then she told me that she wanted to cut them, They are tough like nails but she managed to fix the problem, She is a beautician so she has experience at this.
Christmas day the family is coming to Handan to meet me and asses the future son-in-law, MinYing is confident as am i, She has been told that she is a different person since we first met in Beijing by her mother and all her friends to, I will go with my princess today and buy gifts for the family and shop for a warm coat for myself.
MinYing has had to leave me for a few hours to attend the funeral of her sister-in-laws auntie, She will return later today and then we can continue our journey.
Not much sleep again last night as i watched her sleep so soundly, There was arms and legs over me all night so i could not get away from her whilst she slept, Twice she woke suddenly and just grabbed at me to see if i was there and she was not dreaming, She certainly knows how to make me feel on top of the world and loved for the first time,
She is a passionate woman who is wanting to be loved and cherished always, i WILL give her everything she has missed out on in a relationship and will always be true to her, The only sacrifice i have to make is be clean shaven everyday ^__^    The price we have to pay, hehe,
I am here again,,In China with a beautiful, beautiful woman, I will enjoy every minute of every day here and enjoy pampering her always,,Sorry guys,,I have the most beautiful woman in China,,,,,,Merry Christmas to all,,Regards from MinYing andJohn.   
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Paul Todd on December 23, 2010, 08:44:05 pm
Fantastic John  ;D  I am sitting here with a big smile on my face. I remember the first time my wife and I met.....................  :)
There was snow here in Baoding yesterday too, first of the year!
I wish you every success with the family tomorrow, but it sounds like you don't need it ;D.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on December 23, 2010, 09:28:44 pm
Congrats John , we are glad that you have arrived safely , that hotel sounds great , and yes we wish you and MinYing a lovely Christmas together and a terrific meeting with the family , regards Sujuan and Robert .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on December 23, 2010, 11:04:25 pm
I just love stories of the Chinese Kind !!! John , your one more .. that found a great Woman .. but I still found the MOST wonderful one and she is with me . ;D

Please don't forget some Photo's if you can and have time . haha
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on December 23, 2010, 11:07:33 pm
OK John I am ready to hock everything I own so that I can go see my Peggy.  dang I miss her.

Great story and keep it coming our direction.  Like Arnold said (More pictures!)
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Jason B on December 23, 2010, 11:11:00 pm
congrats mate, you sound like you are kicking a few goals so far.  I can completely understand the clean shaven thing.  But I would shave with a broken beer bottle dipped in cat wee if it meant that I spent every minute of every hour for the rest of my life with the one and only truly beautiful angel in China, we can all say this about our lao po and we are all correct.  (wish she was in Australia though).

Yes do not forget the photos and keep us updated on your trip.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JOHN1964 on December 30, 2010, 09:41:21 am
Hello again ladys and gents, My story so far,
MinYing has not let me from her sight over the last week, Always reaching for my hand in public and not a bit bothered by the looks we get in her home town, She is a different person this time around, More out going and a truly happier person.
The family meeting was a little different for me because of the language barrier but i pulled through ok, I got the third degree from the father, brother and the sister in law, The mother did not say to much to start but after a while she asked her questions, They are a lovely bunch of people and we got on ok, We did get their approval at the end of the meal.

I was invited a few days later to the family home for a meal consisting of only about fifteen courses,,,, I do not know how they can eat so much, The brother shared some glasses of alcohol that tasted like a mixture of lighter fluid and rocket fuel but it went down ok.
The journey to the family home was something else, I thought that i drove in to a war zone, Never before have i seen anything like this,
I truly never expected to see such a place, It was like something from a movie, Any way, The family home was like a diamond in the rough, A beautiful three stories home with porcelain floors and some fancy timber work through out, The family made me so welcome and when the young children came home for lunch they tried their best to communicate with me in English, Every body was putting food on my plate and filling my glass always.

MinYing introduced me to lots of her friends and we had many a meal with them, They are all lovely and friendly people, They know how to make you feel welcome, A couple of nights ago, MinYing took me to her apartment where she lives with about three other women, There is no kitchen and very little security on the doors, She was happy to show me her home, Her friends offered me a cup of hot water and to a game of cards, Minyings room consisted of two beds and a dressing table that was so small that i think it was for a child, Her bed was so hard that i thought i was sitting on a coffee table, Her wardrobe consisted of only a few clothes and a small suit case that i brought for her last time we was together, I was shocked at the way she lived but she was happy to show me and not a bit embarrassed so i said nothing, I was only to happy to be with her.

Any way, The weather is ffffreezing here and MinYing makes sure i am rugged up warm always, She is worse than my mum, We travelled to Beijing for my affidavit to be filled out and then back to the capital of Handan where we got our red books and today we were married, What a relief, A lot of stuffing around but worth it in the end, It is now 10,37pm and my ball and chain (HEHE) Is telling me to get off the computer and rest as i have flu from the freezing conditions.

Well guys time for me to rest now and i will send some pics thru soon , Happy new year to all,
regards from Minying and John.       
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on December 30, 2010, 10:53:02 am
Congrat's John & Minying on your Knot-tying . Wonderful .. just wonderful !!!

I know you will give her a much and well deserved Life , that she was hoping/dreaming for . Your Flu is in GOOG hands believe me John .

Looking forward for some Photo's .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JamesMarvin on December 30, 2010, 12:18:20 pm
I had the same problem...was quite concerned what to do to charm the old Coot !!!

Half a bottle of Johnny Walker after we met seemed to do solve all the problems...we both got plastered together (much to the disgust of all the ladies)...hey ho !! whatever works...works  ;D ;D ;D

I am sure he was just as concerned as me, but in the end he just knew that I only wanted to make his daughter happy and that I was a genuine Man, not a Western sleaze.

I am sure you will find the same....dont worry

David

This works with German "Dads" too. The first time I meet my late wife's father we stayed up all night drinking German wine (very good stuff!) and cussing the Russians! Her Dad had been in WWII on the Russian front. :) We told war stories to each other. My wife, Hildegrad, said that he told me stuff that they had never heard before.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on December 30, 2010, 05:15:57 pm
Well done John...warm congrats to you and your wife  ;D ;D

Sorry about the 'flu...and the fffreezing weather......Just to let you know, they forecast the next six days at 40 degrees + here in sunny Perth !!
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on December 30, 2010, 05:44:30 pm
John , congratulations to you and MinYing , yes here in Melb it is a lovely 28 degrees , Oh and a Happy New Year now to you both , Sujuan and Robert .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Paul Todd on December 30, 2010, 06:23:41 pm
I would also like to add my best wishes to the two of you. May you have a long and happy life together ;D
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: halfpint on December 30, 2010, 09:02:08 pm
Congratulations John and Minying!!  You sound like a very happy guy, it's really nice to see.  Thanks for sharing all of this, it's great to be a part of this!  Alan
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on December 30, 2010, 11:45:13 pm
Dang you got to happy if the flu hasn't got you down.  Congratz on the marriage and many happy years together.  Take the pampering like a man and love it.

Shaun
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: maxx on December 30, 2010, 11:47:49 pm
John congradulations to you and your wife.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JOHN1964 on December 31, 2010, 02:21:26 am
Some pics of snow white and myself.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on December 31, 2010, 01:40:15 pm
Thanks you John for the Pictures . Minying really is snow white and you know that is very good in China  :) :D ;D . Photo's at Arm's length ? We need Photoshopped Pictures here .. you know .. the ones we are sooo used to ?
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JOHN1964 on January 04, 2011, 08:02:02 am
Sorry Arnold for the lack of photoshop pictures, They said they could do nothing to help me, ha ha .
Well my first five days as a married man have been great and a little frustrating sometimes with the language but we are doing well, MinYing is learning in leaps and bounds and helping me too, I have picked up a lot more in the last two weeks than i expected i would have.
She is full of surprises as she can read English quite well but can not understand so much but all the same she has more knowledge of the English writing than i knew up until now,
Acouple of days ago we was invited to a friends birthday celebration, We turned up to this house where we all huddled in to a room with a bed and a tv, It was freezing, I sat there shivering uncontrollably for about an hour and then told MinYing that i would go back to the hotel as i could stand no more, She protested quietly and her friends offered to make me warm by putting on a heater and offering me a thick coat to wear on top of mine, Being the stubborn bastard that i am i refused rather sternly and then i remembered something,,The 24 hr rule that i read here once,,, I quickly woke up to myself and accepted the situation as it was and made no more fuss about myself, MinYing was happy and i was happy to that i did not make a fool of myself and put my bride to shame,
The call came that dinner was served in the next room , We all hurried in to the next room and there was no less than twelve dishes all prepared on a small table and we all sat with the heater on and began to enjoy the meal.
The meal was prepared by the birthday girls boyfriend, 26 yrs old and a member of the local police force, Built like a brick s#*t house and about 5,11, Quite tall for a Chinese man, The food was fantastic, As always, The "men" all drank Chinese whiskey and i felt a little left out, I told MinYing that i would like some and a large glass was quickly poured for me, I could see the police man whisper to his friend and MinYing looked at me and shook her head candidly, One after another they all toasted to me and i had to accept and have a drink, I think they were trying to get me drunk, After about an hour the toasts slowed, So i thought i would return the favour and begin to toast them all one by one, Then one by one they declined to drink to my toasts, Only me and the police man left now, He could not stand and had trouble walking, Ha ha , Now i have a new best friend in China as none of his friends have kept up with him in his drinking games.
The rest of the evening went well and we all warmed up quite toasty, A couple of birthday cakes later and a few more drinks saw the night come to an end, MinYing and myself made our way back to the hotel and enjoyed the whole night.
Next time before i start to get my knickers in a twist i will think first, MinYing said that she was not the slightest bit embarrassed about me as she was freezing too and was just about to ask me to return to the hotel anyway.
It is now 8.55pm and we will leave soon for Beijing, We are catching the cattle cart as there are no other tickets available for the fast train, We will arive around 6.15am and then go eat and then off to the Australian embassy to see about the visitors visa for my bride, We are hoping to get one so she can return with me at the end of the month to live as husband and wife for three months, I spoke to the Beijing office today and got the relevant information so fingers crossed it will happen soon , Not holding my breath though, Remembering murphys law,( If it can stuff up then it will), I think murphy said that, or maybe it was his brother patrick, Who knows, ;D
Well guys and girls time for me to close now,,, keep you updated,, Regards from MinYing and John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on January 04, 2011, 09:22:10 am
A great update John , nice to have a police friend , and good luck for the embassy visit , regards Sujuan and Robert .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Martin on January 04, 2011, 09:26:54 am
A great update!  I remember those drinking games quite well!  I didn't fare quite as well as you did.  Good to see you are enjoying yourself.  I hope you are able to get the visitors visa.  Keep us posted.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: mustfocus on January 04, 2011, 09:45:39 am
Great update...

You definitely would do better than myself for the drinking games... That's definitely where I will have a problem (still trying to figure out how I will be able to avoid that unpleasantry when I encounter it)

Good luck at the embassy... I think it's in the Chaoyang part of Beijing... remember to visit New Silk Street...
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Jason B on January 04, 2011, 03:24:51 pm
Great update mate, good to see you keeping up the Aussie drinking traditions.  I will be interested to follow your account of the paperwork that the embassy requires for the tourist visa as I intend to apply for a tourist visa for Xia after we have submitted the paperwork for her residency visa.  A detailed account of the process would be beneficial and then we can put it into the Australian Visa requirements section for others to follow.

Continue having a great holiday mate and look forward to the next update.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JOHN1964 on January 09, 2011, 05:45:31 am
Hi guys and girls, Well the last time i posted my mind was sound, I remember travelling to Beijing and to the hotel and the rest of the week was a little fuzzy.
Seems the flu was a little more serious than i wanted to believe, Apparently after we arrived in Beijing we slept for a few hours and then made our way to the embassy (news to me), We got copies of the necessary forms and made our way back to the hotel to fill in, After a meal and a walk it was time to retire for the night, so i thought, According to MinYing i was quite incoherent and very sleepless, I hallucinated that there was things above our bed in our room and on several occasions i was in the bathroom half in the tub and half on the floor, i remember trying to climb from our window seven floors up just to cool down as i was quite hot.
I lost the next day completely, can not remember a thing, MinYing said it took me nearly two hours to complete the forms which should have taken me about twenty minutes, I hope i did not stuff them up, I remember standing in line outside the embassy for what seemed like hours and nearly collapsing.
We took the next train back to Handan and we took the sleeper car home as there was standing room only in the rest of the train, Again i remember very little, Arriving at our hotel Minying demanded me to go to hospital, Again i refused, I eventually gave in to her requests yesterday and nearly collapsed in the hotel lobby on the way to the taxi, Arriving at the hospital i was to have chest x rays and blood taken, A while later i was told that i had a blood disorder and not flu but pneumonia.
After having over a litre of chemicals being pumped in to me i became comfortable and quite coherent, Arriving back at the hotel i had a good nights sleep, Again this-morning off to hospital again for another litre of infusions and feel 100% again.
The condition of the hospital is appalling,very unhygienic, Blood up the walls and on the ceiling tiles, Spit on the walls and rubbish in every corridor, The girl who was giving me the infusions looked to be about fourteen and she was training a girl who looked even younger.
Again i praise my wife for her persistence and her demands or i could be far worse off now than a few days ago.
I will know in a few days how i went with the visa forms and i hope i filled them in correctly or another trip to Beijing again.
Talk again later guys and girls
Regards MinYing and John       
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on January 09, 2011, 07:00:05 am
Hope you are well on the road to recovery John , yes as most of the attached guys can attest to as far as the health of their partners go , the lady is the boss , which is why we delayed our family trip back to Shenyang as the boss said Shenyang would be freezing late Dec till late Feb so if guys can plan their trips for the nicer weather all the better , regards Sujuan and Robert .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: halfpint on January 09, 2011, 11:13:51 am
Take care of yourself.  Health 1st, everything else can come after.  Best Wishes, Alan
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JOHN1964 on January 17, 2011, 08:31:51 am
Hi guys and girls,, In less than 48 hours i will say goodbye to my bride, I think that a lot of you can imagine how i am feeling right now, Nearly one month together and the time has flown by, At this moment writing this post i am very choked up to the extent of having trouble holding back the tears that are welling in my eyes, Must be strong and not show MinYing the softer side of me.
We have got to know eachother so well in the last month, My Chinese has improved greatly, I can communicate simple sentences and have learnt a lot more words to help the communication, MinYing has learnt a lot of English words too and i have to laugh at her pronouncing of some words and the laughter flows every day with our trying to communicate, I am not saying that it has been problem free because it has not been, The pocket translator and the Jibbigo translator on my i phone has been invaluable too.
This lady is more than i could have imagined after our first time we met in Beijing back in September, I fell in love with her long ago but every day she shows me side of her that i never met before we were married, If this is a preview on the rest of my life then i am one of the luckiest men alive right now, She is the most loving affectionate and warm person that i have ever had the pleasure to be with, She keeps writing me notes and asks if i will love her always and be true to her, There is only one way that i can answer that question to her, Till the day i die, I will try to be all that she could ask for.
She , And me alike are a little saddened right now as the person handling her application for her visitors visa is having a few days off and i can get no answer to weather it has been approved or not, We was hoping that she could travel back with me on the 19th but i think it is not possible now, Maybe it will be approved soon and MinYing can join me soon in a couple of weeks, Her mother is a little sad as to her daughter wanting to join me soon, I guess that the reality of loosing her daughter is becoming clearer now and i feel for the family.
Today was the last day for my treatment for the pneumonia and i am happy to have no more holes poked in me from the i.v.d., I think it has been about 8 days straight now and i think the veins in my hands have all but collapsed, I must say that the conditions of the hospital here are disgusting I wont go in to the conditions of the toilets, you can imagine, Anyhow, i feel a lot better now.
Tomorrow i will go to MinYing,s family home and say my goodbyes until i return in August or September, I would love to return sooner but i think maybe not possible unless MinYing gets the visitors visa then i will return with her to lodge the p.r, visa forms in Beijing in three months.
My children all knew that i was going to marry MinYing on this trip but the rest of my family knew nothing, I think my mum must have had kittens when she read the e,mail, My younger brother guessed that it would happen as he said i have been single for too long and all i do is talk about MinYing when i see him, My elder sister was a little shocked as she knows little of my relationship, My workmates were surprised, But how many of you have married after the second time together or even the first??.
MinYing has not wanted to leave the hotel room much the last couple of days, I can see the change in her as the time grows closer, She steals as many cuddles and kisses as she can at every moment, Who am i to say no?, She wont let go of me in public, Not the girl i met in Beijing, Always making sure that i am wrapped up warm, Had enough to eat, plenty to drink, Makes sure that the blankets are on me when i sleep, She still is like an octopus when she sleeps, Arms and legs all over me, Hair in my face tickling my nose but i would not change it for the world, Just two more nights and then back to the lonely bed that i have been used to for the last almost twelve months.
We got the photos developed today, 550 of them,,And you guessed it, about two hundred plus of MinYing, I have another two hundred on my phone and she is in most of them too, Is there something wrong with me or do you take plenty of your wives/girlfriends?, I found that after Beijing i cic not have enough so this time the camera came every where i went, Even the hospital.
Well guys and girls, I have plenty more to tell but my mind is a little blank at the moment,
MinYing is on the bed sewing and looking beautiful as always, Why is every song on the radio a sad one right now?, Even on the music stations on the tv, I think it is time to join my lover and enjoy the warmth of this wonderful lady and keep the smile on my face from disappearing,
Goodnight brother hood, All the best to you, from John (with heavy heart)
   
   
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on January 17, 2011, 11:38:58 am
You sure have the Subject Story " Right " John . This is a wonderful love story and thanks for printing it out for us . Good Luck with MUM coming home ! haha
She'll be happy for you , when she see's that big smile on your Face coming Home .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on January 17, 2011, 12:19:16 pm
Gee John, I hope you get this bug behind you.   Your description of the hospital sound like any normal 3rd world nations hospital.  I had the very same issue in 1993 in Israel.  I thought if the sickness doesn't kill me the unsanitary conditions will.

I remember the doctor very well.  It was a woman in her 60's wearing a military uniform.  She had blood on her clothing from an earlier patient.  I assumed the blood on the wall in the exam room was from the same person.  The doctors hands looked filthy and while she was looking in my throat I was choking on the cigarette smoke from the cigarette hinging from her mouth with about a 2 inch ash hanging from it.  She wanted to give me a couple of shots but I said no give me a prescription for penicillin, an expectorant, and strong decongestants and I will take care of the rest.  She did thank God.  I went back to the hotel and took a long bath and washed the clothes I was wearing in hopes to kill any germ that might have latched onto me.

Yes as you say the trip home is very difficult.  Before I went to China the first time I didn't see how it would be possible for me to leave Peggy and wait a year for her to come to America. After my second trip I have been here 7 months and it kills me inside but I am doing it.  All I can say to you is to keep your eye on the prize.  Your fiance, and you will make it.

Title: Re: my love story
Post by: mustfocus on January 18, 2011, 02:47:43 am
Good on you John,

Great read.  I really hope that things will begin to move more quickly for you.  My lady is similar.  Except for places where we are forced to separate, her hands are always in mine...  Keep the faith!
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: halfpint on January 18, 2011, 10:02:56 pm
John

Fantastic what you have done.  You said some things that really meant a lot to me.   I wish you the best health and future.  Good for you!!  Alan
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JOHN1964 on January 22, 2011, 06:55:16 am
Why does it hurt so much, Why do we choose to love and marry a lady from a non English speaking country?, Are we all mad?, Why do we put ourselves through the pain?.
MinYing cried uncontrollably on Tuesday night and most of Wednesday morning with the thought of us both having to part, I must say that i had trouble holding back the emotions when she was crying in my arms, Never before in my life did i think that it would be so hard to part with my lover.
I was so happy that the flight was delayed for two hours from Handan because of some air traffic problem, I got to spend a few more hours with my Laopo, She sat with me with her head on my shoulder and took many more photos of us together,
All Wednesday i could feel the unhappiness of my wife as we both knew that we would have to part from each-other soon ,
Even when we both said good bye to the two young ladies from the hotel that served us our breakfast there was a sadness from them both, We often bumped in to them both at the local supermarket and they were both so happy to see us both and just talk to us, We both made some new friends there at the hotel.
I got home at 6.30am in Perth on Friday and took possession of my new Mitsubishi triton, Big deal, Nothing seems to matter any more, The Audi sits in the drive way covered in dust and a month of dirt and i can just see out of the windows, I usually keep my cars spotless but now i do not care, MinYing has sent me endless messages on my mobile phone and is also feeling the pain, I woke this-morning and just reached for my bride and then i realised that i was alone again, No MinYing, No arms and legs over me and no hair in my face, How i miss the things that would keep me awake at night and annoy me, How i would give anything to be with her again.

I guess that most of you know how i feel right now, And for you that have not displeasure of the pain, You have something to experience, I look at the photos and remember the great times with my wife and know that there will be plenty more to come,
Already i am thinking of my next flight to be with my bride, Late April sounds good as of the Easter holiday and the Australian public holidays, Apparently when i filled out the visitors visa application i left out some information and it was rejected, I can not even remember filling the application as of my sickness from my Pneumonia so i have myself to blame, The lady from the embassy told me that we should reapply soon and include the relevant information and we will be successful.
MinYings family have apologised from not looking after me when i was sick, They are the most caring family and feel so sorry and think that is their fault that i became sick, I have told my wife that there is nothing they do to stop my sickness.

I really miss the company of my bride and the laughter we had every day, Just the cuddles and the smiles were enough to make my day so bright and happy, Do anything to be with my bride right now.

Thanks guys and girls.
   

     
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: mustfocus on January 22, 2011, 07:21:51 am
Hey John,

I know how you feel.  Today was effectively the last  day I had with my lady.  We only had a few hours today as she had a longer shift to deal with today.  We did manage to visit somewhere, but she was unusually silent today and I know she isn't happy.  I am not looking forward to tomorrow morning when I have to be at the airport.  We've been skirting around the issue, but we will have to confront things.

We'll see what happens over the next few days.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: halfpint on January 22, 2011, 11:03:08 am
In 6 days my girlfriend arrives in Canada for a 20 day visit.  I've been thinking about how great the 1st few days will be, being a tourist in Vancouver.  I love the city, Stanley Park, English Bay, Granville Island, Robson Street.  You are reminding me there will be an end.  Have to keep my enthusiasm in balance!
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on January 22, 2011, 11:41:04 am
Why do we hurt so much ? John , believe me .. many here Married or not had their share of the pain .. you're feeling now . Maybe we are all crazy , but now this is for other's to think of " us " now .. as we know that we have found the most wonderful Woman on the Planet . Curb your Pain and comfort your Wife in her pain the best you can .. firstly and be strong for her . Do what I did , hug your Pellow at night and dream it's "Her" . ::)
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on January 22, 2011, 06:33:44 pm
No John...we are not all crazy !!

I am sure we all had some realisation at the start of this long, difficult and torturous process that there would be many hurdles to overcome along the way.

Maybe we (me for one) did not quite realise just how difficult it would be, financially, practically...and of course, emotionally.

But having got this far, we have no choice but to live this pain for a few months (maybe more than a few months for some) and have some level of certainty that it will all pass.

Spare a thought for Rhonald who is into his second year of a dreadfully long process...and yet we see that Maxx, Martin, Irish, Scott and several others have completed this part of the "journey". Others like me, Shaun and Mike are also in the waiting stage.

For none of us is it easy.

I prefer to see it as part of the "glass half full/empty" syndrome.

I miss my Ming and when I get lonely.....my glass is half empty. But when I look forward to the years ahead when we are together...then my glass is half full !!!

So for the moment, there is not much we can do but go with the flow...at least we have a place full of like minded Guys where we can sound off about it all...that helps a lot to know we are not alone in this difficult time.

Keep smilin'...all will be well ...eventually  ;D ;D
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JOHN1964 on January 22, 2011, 08:39:55 pm
Thanks guys for the support, Nice to hear from the ones that have gone through the pain, It is a little easier.
A little worried about MinYings passport now as she told me that it has not been delivered back to her as of yet, It was sent from the Beijing embassy on the 18th and still not in her possession.
Monday i will contact the Beijing office and make sure that it was sent back to my lao po,
I have already made plans to return to my bride in late April if for some reason we are not successful with the visitors visa, Even if the visa is granted i will still return with MinYing to China to apply to lodge the papers for the permanent residency visa.
Rhonald in the second year of the process ?, I feel for you, I really do, Lets all hope it can be resolved quickly and you can live your life happy every day.
Just keep my self busy and remember that in China i have my bride waiting for me and missing me also, I know that i am not the only one going through the pain of separation as MinYing tells me the same every day, Again thanks for your input guys, It means a lot and i am thankful that there is such a web site for us all to tell our stories and read about each-others travels,
This site has begun to be a daily thing for me now and i , like others do enjoy the daily read and can relate to many a stories that i have read here, Thanks again guys.
regards from MinYing and John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Rhonald on January 23, 2011, 01:57:43 am
Why does it hurt so much, Why do we choose to love and marry a lady from a non English speaking country?, Are we all mad?, Why do we put ourselves through the pain?     

It hurts because it is suppose to hurt. We are mad because we wish to achieve something that is so different than ordinary means. The language of the country that our soulmate resides is irrelevant because LOVE speaks its own language and translates into action by our choice. Why the choice of pain?

Well ....... for this path that we follow, it must have arisen from some desire in us to make a grand statement. Perhaps the quest was for mending a broken heart or desire to find solace, but whatever the reason, our grand desire imparts this debt that must be paid with tears. Only through the pain and sorrow can we know that it is real. So our journey will be filled with great joy as well as sad departures because all great stories are written about LOVE and LIFE indeed.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Irishman on January 23, 2011, 02:20:55 pm
John, you are not crazy at all. I read your posts and like many others here know exactly how you are feeling, its tough and hard but we all get through it in the end. The waiting is the hardest thing we all have to do on this journey. The past 4 months have been torture without my lao po, before that it was six months between visits.
You just have to keep your eye on the eventual goal - one day she will be living with you, one day you will wake up beside her and it will be the first of many days like that :)
On Wednesday I finally fly out to China and this time my laopo is coming back with me, would I change anything?, nope!
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Bee964 on January 23, 2011, 05:24:28 pm
John,

I too leave for china on wednsday morning. I have had the thought of when the trip comes to an end on my mind the past week. I guess that it will be something that we will all have to face at some point in our relationship with these women.

Rhonald,

I feel for you brother. I hope that everything gets moving in the right direction very, very soon.

Dave C
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JOHN1964 on January 24, 2011, 08:57:15 am
Hi guys, how pissed am i,??? please forgive the grammer tonight.
minyings visitors visa was rejected for the following reasons
marriage certificate being issued 8 days before the visitors visa
using Chnlove as a translation site,,,(unacceptable)
not knowing my personal e,mail(we only use chnlove)
not being to pronounce my children's names correctly
the applicant not being to speak or write English
the applicant not remembering my birthday,(solar or lunar calendar,?)
not living together before marriage,,,(minying is traditional lady and we never shared a bed unless we were fully clothed, until our last night together in Beijing in late September, we were totally committed to our relationship at this time.
could not supply a phone number for the place she works at,,,only been employed there for three weeks, it was on the application, she had to call her place of employment for the address,
although the person who was conducting the interview was satisfied with our relationship being genuine she still rejected it, I have a chance to appeal here in Perth and tomorrow i will go to see what i can do,
they even doubt our way to communicate,,,
for the last three months i have been taking one on one lessons to understand the Chinese language,,,my language skills have been greatly improved over the last month with no one else to speak English with.

i have 70 days to lodge a application of appeal,,,no doubt i will be doing what i can tomorrow,
HELP PLEASE GUYS AND GIRLS
MinYing is so far away and i need help
regards fron MinYing and John
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: mustfocus on January 24, 2011, 09:32:48 am
Hi John,

Before you go appeal, I would suggest that you take a day or two to calm down.  Heading off to the office to do the appeal while upset could cause more issues.  It looks like there are a number of issues the visa agent took issue with.  Some of them look like nit-picking (the jobs part), but some of them could look suspicious to them.  I see the sticking points to be the personal email/using chnlove only parts.

If you have evidence to bolster your case (for example, receipts or report cards for your mandarin lessons) or the opposite (proof that she is learning english), then I think things will work out.  That and teaching her your kid's names would definitely make things easier.

Believe me, I would like to see you and Minying united, but going off half-cocked could cause you more problems in the future.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on January 24, 2011, 03:33:59 pm
John

Have you made application yet for Minying to come to Aus permanently ???

My Lawyer told me that I would likely NOT succeeed with visitor visa for my Ming unless we had made application for her permanent visa.

This has little to do with any specific relationship issues, but is part of their "unwritten" policy to not grant tourist visas to "single" women from anywhere. They feel that until you apply for permanent residence, the relationship is likely not genuine and she may disappear into the woodwork when she gets here as a tourist. What they are dead set paranoid about are the "arranged" marriages where Aussies are being paid to get into a sham marriage for the sole purpose of getting a foreign woman a PR visa. Once she arrives with PR visa, she leaves the Man, waits for Citizenship, and then brings all family and rellies over !!! With regret, there are too many pointers for them in your relationship that lead them down this false trail (in your case)

If all else fails, she is more likely to get a Tourist Visa as part of an organised Tour...which may be a way out for you.

Once you have made application for Permanent Residency, the Tourist Visa is not a problem any more.

I can see that they would have some negative vibes based on the sole communication between you being via CHNLove. They would worry that you did not get off this model and into your own "private" communication together. It is yet another reason to dump CHNLOve as soon as posible and get on to QQ etc.

Remember, they are ONLY assessing her Tourist visa AS A POTENTIAL TOURIST, and as a potential "bolter" and not as your wife. Until you make application for Permanent Residence for her, they will tend to view it that you are not not really man and wife.

Can you see their logic...if you are Man and Wife, it is very strange that your wife does not know your birthday, the names of your kids, your email address, and cannot remember the phone number or the address of her place of employment......and has almost no English, and you applied for Tourist Visa 8 days after a wedding, but did not apply for a PR visa. We here know that that is no biggie...but they dont see it that way. To them, these are BIG RED FLAGS.

I am told by my Lawyer, that if they have small concerns about the genuine nature of the Tourist Visa request, they usually ask for you to deposit a hefty Bond to ensure she will return to China. If they have big concerns, they reject the application without the option of a Bond.

My only advice is to get the Permanent Residency Visa request submitted as quickly as you can....and then get the Tourist Visa, would likely be much quicker than a 70 day appeals process...and much less stressful.

In the meantime, you must begin to do all the "conventional " things they want to see....QQ, emails etc...and please, do yourselves a favour....teach her to speak in English for some of these important things that a wife must know about her husband....then you can satisfy the beaurocracy !!! Because , my friend, THEY will want to see it done their way, you have no choice in the matter. It will be very important to demonstrate the reality of your relationship when you apply for PR. They dont care about love or emotions...only about realistic evidence of the relationship.

As a matter of interest, Ming and I had 1100 pages of QQ transcripts over a period of 14 months and I took a screen shot of her face every time we were on QQ together, a total of 320 screen shots...and I sent them ALL with our PR application...(data overload  ;D ;D). We also had 106 emails between us to and from our private email addresses.

Good luck...but stay cool with them, dont cruel your future chances by getting aggressive.

Cheers...David

ps...I f you want to discuss further, PM me, or phone me if you need to.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Irishman on January 24, 2011, 07:43:05 pm
John I think you need to speak to an immigration lawyer. I don't know about Australia but in Ireland if a visa rejection is appealed and the appeal fails its pretty much the end of the road barring some serious heavyweight help behind you.
You need to try and keep calm and do it right, I think a specialist immigration lawyer would be money well spent at this juncture.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: auburnkp on January 24, 2011, 09:00:47 pm
John,
I read your love story and it is beautiful. I am very sorry that your tourist visa did not come through. The US government, ever since 9/11 has made it much harder for a person to bring a love one over. I went through the fiancee' visa route and it went quickly. I was lucky enough to go back and see my fiancee' three time before she eventually arrived in the US. When we when for our interview, I was a bit nervous, but it all turned out okay. The only thing that the immigration officer initially was worried about was that I got married in Las Vegas. Luckily I told him why we did it that way (cheap and fun) and showed him pictures of friends and family there. That eased his suspicions that my wife is just marrying me for a green card. Keep your head high and your wife will eventually be by your side forever. I know it is tough, but stay positive, I am praying for you!

Keith
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on January 24, 2011, 11:33:11 pm
John , as other's .. very sad to hear about your Lady's Visa . You received some great advice here , as I myself would add .. like Irish , do it through a Lawyer ( one with a good reputation with China/Australia Immigration background .
I see , that the ones that do it by themselves .. either think it's ( easy ) or to save some dough . Either way , after investing $$$$ already finding the Right One .. why not go on and do it Professionally with the Paperwork .. instead of having it go sour and see all the spend money go to the wayside .. even if it's only temporary .
I certainly wish you two better Luck on the second attempt .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: halfpint on January 26, 2011, 12:08:08 am
John
 
My girlfriend was able to get a tourist visa for Canada.  Obviously our systems and circumstances are different.  Nevertheless I thought itth\ help if I told you why I think she got the visa.  We supplied all the information they asked for and then added lots more.  We gave pictures of ourselves together, copies of our email chats.  We were meticulous with the details, ensuring everything was correct, to the finest detail.  We each wrote a letter, explaining our lives and our relationship.  We were completely honest in every way.  This was a chosen approach, we knew the odds were against us but it worked.  I don't know if that helps, its my two bits worth.

Alan
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JOHN1964 on January 28, 2011, 07:12:41 pm
Thanks for the advice guys, I am going to employ a lawyer for the process of spouse visa instead of the visitors visa,
The lawyer agrees the reasons for rejection were a bit lame but they also said that i should not have listened to the immigration about the visitors visa and just applied for the spouse visa straight away, I only wanted my wife here for the three months to be close and then apply for the spouse visa as soon as she was here, A victim of wrong advice.
MinYing is disappointed as i am but she told me she will be patient and practice the pronunciation of my families names and she wants me to return to her as soon as i can.
As for getting rid of chnlove, Cant do as her English is poor and she has no computer and there are no Internet cafes in her city, I know as i asked many people and searched high and low, My Mandarin improved ten fold in the month i was there and my tutor here in Perth is totally impressed with my knowledge of the language, The lawyer tells me that this will go a long way towards the spouse visa as anything to prove our love for these women and to show that we are also trying to break the communication barrier goes a long way.
Well it is bloody hot here in Perth right now, Nothing like the minus ten or so in Handan but i would gladly give up the warmer weather to be with my lao po any-time,.
Good luck to every one here with their own visa process and for the ones in China now or are about to depart soon , I AM JEALOUS.
Regards from MinYing and John.     
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: maxx on January 28, 2011, 07:33:41 pm
John you really need to get away from Chnlove.You and the wife are headed for a big wreck.If you keep using Chnlove services.Your wife agency is getting ready to stick it to your wife.And demand all kinds of stupid money.I know this because.I and the other members have seen it happen on numerous occasions.

Either send your wife a laptop.Or the next time you are over thiere buy her a laptop.And get internet hooked up where she is living.If you buy it in China.They will show your wife how to use it.They will show her how to use different translation programs.John this is really something that needs to be dealt with.I know the agency is acting like your friend.But they really arn't.They only do this.So that they can collect thiere money.And they don't care how they collect the money that they think they are owed.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JOHN1964 on January 28, 2011, 10:55:03 pm
Ok guys, MinYing has qq that she can access on her phone, I too have opened account and have just successfully sent her two messages,
What else can we do on this qq site????
       Signed dumb and confused, I mean i am dumb and confused, Not my wife, Please dont tell her i said that , ;D
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on January 29, 2011, 12:54:37 am
John

Good one !!, now she has QQ on her phone, you can both get used to sending simple messages at regular intervals. The real bonus comes when you have QQ on a computer, you can sit and talk live, with sound, video and typing for as long as you want at no cost. Ming and I have at least an hour a day on this. Because our clock times are the same for China we dont have the same problems that Bros in USA/Canada have with weird different times.

Minying can also have a Chinese/English Translator programme open while you communicate on QQ, she can instantly translate your typing into Chinese...you can do the same with her Chinese into English.

QQ has an archive facility so every conversation you have is saved "for the record" and you can even take screen shot photos of her for more proof of relationship. Using QQ in this way is also a good way to get her English up and running, in fact, that is what Ming and I do all the time. I ask her to find and memorise 5 words each day, then we discuss meaning and pronunciation.

I dont know if "mobile QQ" has this archive facility.

Like I said, over the course of our relationship, we have over 1000 pages of QQ transcripts as evidence and over 300 screen shots...bit hard for them to argue that we dont have a relationship !!!!

After you apply for spouse visa,,,you can get a tourist visa for 3 months with no trouble.

If you have not chosen a Lawyer yet, you might want to contact Charles Wu at Australian Immigration Services.....I know him well and he has done my Spouse Visa....I can send contact details if you need them

Good luck...David

Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Neil on January 29, 2011, 03:26:41 am
My girlfriend sends and receives most of our messages via her mobile phone.  she's quick and thorough.  we have intensive conversations, not just simple messages.  I've become quick at copy/paste/translate - reply/translate/copy/paste - repeat.  She writes in Chinese since it's easier for me to translate.  We rarely have troubles communicating.

Apparently there's a way to do a video chat and choose a local video file that you both can watch at the same time - tried that once with Ed, but was never successful with my girlfriend.  I'm sure it would require both to be using a computer with a broadband connection. 

I just checked - 543 pages of qq messages.  I'm half the man David is. 
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on January 29, 2011, 03:40:12 am
Hahaha Neil....that's not true...it's just that I talk too much...been told that before !!!!!

I also tried to get in synch with QQ to enable us to watch shared stuff...but I crashed also...could't work it out !!! We are able to each have our own video...ie, I can watch her in another window, whilst she can see me on her computer...but if, for instance, we want to watch a U-tube video of Perth together, there is a way, but I cant find it !!
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Rhonald on January 29, 2011, 03:59:46 am
I'm half the man David is.

Well David was only half the man that Goliath was and look where he got to .... So I say Rock On Neil.... and wish all the best on this trip.

John I wish the best outcome for you.... I know how easy it is to lose your marbles when immigration slings it to you.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JOHN1964 on February 06, 2011, 08:50:33 am
My love story,,What can i say?, About April the 20th 2010 i found a web site called Chnlove,,Never had a problem with this site but a lot of you have,,,guess i have been lucky,,,Many admiration letters but no one that i clicked with,,,Hmmmm,,, MinYing came along and everything changed,,,The truth is i was only looking for a holiday to China with no strings attached,,,  She seemed so sweet and we got to talking ,
before we knew it we was exchanging information every day, We got to know each-other very well,  We first met in September of 2010 and we hit it off pretty well, She told me that i was"very lovable".
I am here now, Some Three weeks after we parted company and i feel so terrible,  My mind wonders to think that she is with someone else when i am not with her but at the same time i trust her without condition,,,My ex-partner did the dirty on me so i have trust issues,
Not fair on MinYing i know,,,But so far apart.
Why do we choose to love a woman from so far away and to want to adjust to their way of life????
My MinYing was so upset that she could not come here to Australia for the "visitors visa" that she cried all night and all morning before i left to come home, I too wept with my wife with the feeling of separation and if the truth is to be known,,,,i would never joined the chnlove site.
The pain of separation is overwhelming, I asked myself "why did i not find myself some one here in Australia?,
Was not meant to be but it just happened, 
Love has no boundaries and will strike when ever and where ever, BE AWARE,
I would not trade one minute with my MinYing, Take as many photos and videos as you can, It helps so much with the separation,
I am planning my next trip to see my wife at the end of April or in May as we both feel the pain,,,,

Thanks for the shoulder to  cry on , MinYing and John
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on February 06, 2011, 04:47:17 pm
Why do we choose to love a woman from so far away and to want to adjust to their way of life????
 "why did i not find myself some one here in Australia?,

Probably because she would be 25 kilos overweight, would have her hand permanently fixed into your wallet and would be working out how long it would take to get half your assets !!!
And if you were real "lucky" you might get sex once a month !!!

Yes John...we all have some pain to get through....but it does end eventually...and what a prize you get at the end of it. That's what keeps me sane just now.

I dont know about your "trust" issues, but if you are going to spend the next 8 months or so agonising if MinYing is faithful to you, then you are in danger of cracking up...and also in danger of such feelings affecting her. Better you deal with it as soon as possible...for both your sakes
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Jason B on February 06, 2011, 05:25:38 pm
totally agree with you David, get this out in the open if you have not told her already.  It will eat away like a cancer and it is probably over nothing but thoughts of ALL women being like the ex, yours sounds like mine and if I am to be honest I would still be married to her if she had not cheated.

You will just have to plug away trust each other, believe that there is an end in sight and that one day you will be together forever.

It is going to be hard, I am trying to prepare myself for this eventuality but I guess nothing ever will.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Bee964 on February 06, 2011, 08:13:01 pm

What else can we do on this qq site????

John,

I think you can send videos to each other as an mpeg or other type of video file. My lady, Ling Ling, has sent me pictures and music files through QQ, One music file was 80 or 90 minutes of yoga music so the file was quite large. It did take several tries to get the full file but it did come through. You just use the send a file icon at the top of the window, I think it it the 3rd one from the left and select the file to send her. She will need broadband and a computer. I don't think this will work on a cell phone. I have not tried to send a video file yet but I do not see why this would be any different to send and receive compared to pictures or music. Sometimes you have to resend the file a couple times to get the whole thing but the download picks up where you have left off. I hope this helps you out.

I too have trust issues due to my ex wife so I know how you feel brother. I work hard to keep my trust issues in check. It is not easy. When you have found the right woman she does deserve trust from you.

Dave C

By the way, I have well over 1500 pages of QQ messages with my Ling Ling. Printing them will be a nightmare.

Dave C
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on February 06, 2011, 10:17:05 pm
While I agree with David and Jason, John, each time I came back it took several weeks of adjustment for me to settle.  I struggled with jealousy and trust but perseverance and honesty prevailed.  I talked with Peggy about it.  Even now whenever I do not talk with Peggy for 2 or 3 days I struggle.

I keep a mental list of pluses and minuses when it comes to this.  On the minus list is the times she has called me by another man's name.  She really only  knows two Western men.  Me and the other is her brother in law.  I get called by his name occasionally.  Then there are the times she does not show up, usually with valad reason after the fact and when she is gone for a couple of days and I can count that on one hand.

On the plus side is that we have talked at least 2 hours almost every night since October 2009.  Dang that is a long time.  When I am off from work we talk twice daily.  (Added 2/7)  I look to Peggy's complete devotion to learning the English language on her own.  She buy's Cd's and books to read.  She keeps a notebook on what she is learning.  We work on pronunciation almost everyday.  She is learning my habits and she adjusts to them.  Funny thing.  She will take a trip on a bus to see family.  She will tell me to call her on her cell phone once she gets on the bus.  I ask her how should I know when she is on the bus?  So she will call me to tell me she is on the bus and ask me to call her now.  It absolutely cracks me up.

Bottom line the plus list much much longer that the negative list.

The problem we have is the distance. We can't see what they do or where they are at so we think the worst.  But you can break that cycle by realizing the reality of what is going on.  YOu can do it.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on February 06, 2011, 11:32:27 pm
Shaun

I never felt that you were into the insecurity "thing" or had any doubts in the area of fidelity with your Peggy ??

Until this subject popped up on the Forum, I had never given one single thought to whether or not Ming is "two-timing"...I guess it is incomprehensible to me that she could even think about it.

Maybe that is naieve...or "fat , dumb and happy"...I dont know.

But I sure do know that the green eyed monster of insecurity and jealousy will kill a relationship stone dead if you allow it.

We also speak every night on QQ and on the rare occasions she cant make it, I always get a text on my mobile or an email...before the event....and if I ever get stuck in ameeting or similar, I would always do the same for her. So we have no friction or misunderstandings. I sure dont want to proceed into this relationship on the basis of the previous ones...this one is special and does not play by those rules !!!

David
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JOHN1964 on February 07, 2011, 02:37:18 am
Thanks for the comments guys, you are always a great help to me, Thinking about the trust issues all night long and i really think i am over reacting, This woman and i have been communicating for nearly ten months now, My first trip to meet her was cut short by her fathers dissapointment for her meeting a western man,,She persisted with the family and won the battle, We are now husband and wife, If she was to "two time" me then why would she persisted with convincing the family i was the one for her,, My problem is the distance apart, Most of you know how i feel,, MinYing also writes me that she is feeling the pain of the loneliness especially at night time, when she is in her apartment with her room mate.
The qq is a daily thing now, I use translation software all the time both ways and it is never 100% accurate and we have a few laughs at the out come.
I called her on Friday just to hear her voice and she also wanted to repeat my children's names to me to see how she is going with the pronunciation,  WOW was i surprised, almost perfect, very understandable now, she is such a quick learner, Even Mama said hello to me on the phone and the last few letters i got from MinYing she has wrote that her family feel regretful that they could not care for me when i had pneumonia, They are wonderful people, MinYing has written that when i return we are to spend a few days at the family home to be better acquainted, Father always worried me but after the family dinner i think that mama calls the shots and dad is really a gentle man. 
Sean, you are right about the plus list being longer than the minus list, Without fail she writes me every day, She sends messages to my phone, She always picks up the phone when i call and i can hear in her voice that she is thrilled to hear my voice again,
I just have to cope with the loneliness for now and keep smiling every time i get a message or letter and remember there is a beautiful woman many miles away that has me in her thoughts every day.
The Chinese lessons are making more sense now, Still a very complicated language with one word having multiple meanings but MinYing and myself had a conversation lasting 15 minutes ,, New record, Practice new sentences most nights and listen to the EAR WORMS cd,s that i brought from dymocks book stores in May last year,,I think these cd,s are great, I would suggest them to anyone that wants to learn basic Mandarin, Really helpful and well worth the $50 i paid for them, I can count to 1000 and tell the time and even order drinks and a meal, They also keep my mind occupied and i can hold a basic conversation with my wife, She tells me that she is proud of me and this keeps me wanting to learn more each day.
This web site is also a great way to pass the time and vent my feelings, Love following the posts too and see where every one else is and i have spent many an hour here reading with a smile on my face and also writing my own contributions here, This is a great site to be a part of , Lets hope that all our dreams come true and we live happy long lives with our Wonderful, Beautiful, Loving, Caring Chinese wife's.
Regards from MinYing and John.   
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: maxx on February 07, 2011, 02:53:56 am
John and Shaun I think David E is on the right track.And he has offered some good advice.The only thing I can offer.Is what my wife would tell me.The past is the past.You cannot change it.so why worry about it.Forget it  and move on.

One of the main reasons i decided to marry my wife.Was she came with no emotional baggage.Yes she had a couple of bad boy friends.And a abusive father.But she never expected me to treat her like her other boyfriends did or like her father treated her mother..And I never have.So maybe the secrete to the trust issue.Is to forget how bad the ex wives and the ex girlfriends have treated us.And trust in are wives and girlfriends.Until they have proven themselves unfit for that trust.Kind of like a new day.With a new beginning.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JOHN1964 on February 07, 2011, 03:39:34 am
thanks Max and everyone else for the comments, Like i said, I am over reacting, I do trust this beautiful soul and she has given me no reason to doubt her, I had a bad experience before and will not let it ruin my relationship with MinYing, I know she has 100% trust in me.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on February 07, 2011, 07:24:02 pm
David,  It really hasn't been THAT big of a deal.   The real issue isn't jealousy it is learning to overcome the past more than anything else.  Sometimes I think I jumped into the scene a little to soon.  Peggy has helped me to heal from the previous 27 years of BS.  Trust was another issue that took me a while to get.

When I have the occasional moment now all I have to do is see Peggy's face and hear her voice and all is well.  I really can't remember exactly when the last time it happened.  It has been a few months.

But on the other side I have been there for her too.  I have helped her to overcome so of the previous issues.  Just getting to know each other and spend a month together helped us both.  The one ingredient we so often miss in these kind of relationships is time together seeing how we respond to the environment before us.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on February 07, 2011, 10:59:35 pm
Goes to show , these Lady's are not the only ones with a terrible Past to deal with sometimes . This means , we must overcome not only the Lady's .. but our own Shadows of dark times . Twice as hard and must proceed more slowly and with MORE patience , sometimes for two People .. so somebody got to step up to the Plate and take control of the ongoings backed up with lot's of Love/Kindness for their own good . Good job Shaun !
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Bee964 on February 08, 2011, 09:10:21 pm
I agree with you Arnold! These ladies are very special indeed! They are ready to show us their love unconditionally and we should be ready to do the same. I like Shaun and John, and probably many others, just have a terrible past to keep in the past. It is very easy to say that it is the past and get over it than to actually do this. Maxx and David E, I know it has to be done but it is not an easy thing to do sometimes. Everybody is different and they will handle this differently from others. You sometimes have to keep on your toes with yourself to keep any trust issues that are unnecessary in check. These ladies deserve the love and trust we need to give them without conditions. What they do with this is up to them. If they value your love and trust, you will see it in their eyes and feel it in your heart. I know I do. This helps me a great deal to not feel the pain of the past when Ling Ling asks questions about my past marriage or about my ex-wife.

Dave C
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on February 08, 2011, 10:09:46 pm
OK Dave

I think your post deserves some thought and a "careful" reply......

It is virtually certain that the vast majority of Bros on this site have some bad stuff in their past, caused by some sort of emotional damage or such. I know I have had my share !!!

What I was getting at in my previous post was that we cannot ever transfer this scenario onto our new wives/fiances/girlfriends. They were not part of it, and they sure dont want to be buried in trust issues that have nothing to do with them.......it's a big ball and chain around their ankles to expect it od them. Likewise, neither do we want to be the recipient of any "baggage" they bring from their past. Sure, to know and understand the history on both sides is healthy...but to know is enough.

I does not matter in which way any of us deal with it, but the only way we CANNOT deal with it is to allow it any presence or traction inside our new relationship.

The past is never over....it is what defines us and what adds to our overall life experience along the way.....use it for positive growth. But to use it as a crutch or a wall to hide behind in the future...will lead to trouble.

Remember...you cannot force anybody to love you, to trust you or to not be hurt by jealousy....you have to earn it.

My 2 cents worth.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JOHN1964 on February 24, 2011, 01:53:41 am
On the 25th of December MinYing hired a translator to attend the "meeting" with the family and for us to discuss our future and plans together, I told the family that MinYing and myself would be able to return to Handan every year to stay with the family for a month or so, The brother asked if we might buy an apartment in Handan so we would have some where to stay with every time we do return, I thought that this might be a good idea and i asked the average price of them in the city, They sounded to be well priced so i said to the translator that it would be something that i would discuss with my wife when i next return in the middle of the year.
Yesterday i got an e,mail from my wife ,,,she wrote "John, do you remember the PROMISE that you made with my family to buy an apartment in handan when you return in the midyear,?,  I know your current financial situation and i was surprised that you said that we would buy the apartment in the mid year,,How are we going to do this"'?,  It seems that something was lost in translation,,
How am i going to save face with the family?,  I DO NOT make promises that i can not keep, I was stunned at this e,mail ,, I replied to MinYing twice with the dis-belief of her letter, She has not replied to me, She has also not replied to my text messages, I know she is having problems with her phone at the moment and i hope this is the case for not not replying to me,,I had a sleepless night about this PROMISE,, I explained in my e,mail that it was badly translated but no reply,,,The last thing is for her family,And her to think that i am not a man of my word , I have had a real shit day today, I do not know what to do, She , is the light of my life and i do not want her to think badly of me, What can i do?.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: halfpint on February 24, 2011, 02:46:53 am
If it was me, I'd pour a drink, slowly sip it, then tell myself to relax.  It's probably not as serious as it 1st sounded.  Then I'd probably pour another drink and start to think good thoughts.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on February 24, 2011, 04:37:39 am
John , hope the 24 hour rule did not go out the window , my answer would have been " when I return in Mid year as I said to the translator we can look at what is available and the pricing and go forward from then "  or simple words to this effect ,  goodluck regards Sujuan and Robert .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on February 24, 2011, 04:43:44 am
John.....procrastinate......wait until mid-year visit, there are many , many reasons why you could/could not proceed with the purchase of an apt.

The more you try to dig yourself out of an obvious translation misunderstanding, the deeper will be the hole !!!!!
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JOHN1964 on February 24, 2011, 05:12:28 am
Thanks guys, Firstly, Half pint, I did pour a few last night but i still had the trouble sleeping,,Robert, No The 24 hr fule did not go out the window, I was not angered, Just a little dumbfounded by the wrong translation, The reply e,mail that i sent to MinYing was explaining that what they heard was not what was said on the day, David, I will talk with my wife when i do return in May, Yes i have booked my next flight,  :) :),We will look around and make the decision from there.
There is a problem with MinYings phone so she went in to the agency today and wrote me from there,( i am so releived). She understands the misunderstanding and assures me that we can both work together to find the best solution to this little problem, She is just worried about the family thinking less of me but she is sure that it will be resolved and "save face".
As always, Thanks guys for the advice, I am pretty much a loner here as i have my teenage children, They are my life and i do not have much time for friends, You guys are always full of good advice and are a great help, Again i praise this web site for us all to have somewhere to get the good advice from others with similar situations and also for us to tell others of our love for these wonderful women, Again many thanks,,,Regards from John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Vince G on February 24, 2011, 06:31:56 am
John Tell her the only "Promise "you made was to talk to her about it. There should be no Face lost except by the bad translator. If your wife is questioning this? it doesn't seem to be set in stone.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: maxx on February 24, 2011, 06:39:58 pm
John what Vince is saying is right.And I think your lady's family will see it that way.So you and your wife didn't lose any face.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JOHN1964 on March 05, 2011, 10:24:07 am
well guys, time to finish it all before i do something drastic, since the incident with the translator fucking things up at the family dinner, my "wife" has chosen to change her cell phone number and chosen not to reply to my letters to her qq number, I know she has read them as she was on my computer in Handan before and logged on permanently and i can see if she reads my replies , she has but not replied, i think i will just raise my children as best as i can and leave the rest to fate, i will later on in life look for someone here in Australia to be my partner as i can marry again here without getting the divorce as it is not on file here, At this moment i am very heart broken and if not for my children i do not know what i might do.
why are people so capitalistic , I would have given my life for this woman but it seems to be worth nothing, All my life i have been fucked over for a woman, I only want to be happy, Am i asking to much??, Sorry for the language here tonight guys, but we are all grown adults and heard it all before, good bye guys.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Vince G on March 05, 2011, 10:45:14 am
Jumping the gun a little don't you think? I don't know what was said in the email and other messages but she may be cooling off or unable to reply? You said she had a problem with her phone so maybe changing the number was part of the fix? I would give all I can before I would let it all go to hell. You say you care for her very much? Then show it, let her know. I understand that walking away may be the easiest for you and most of us here can relate to the "All my life i have been fucked over for a woman" But after all you had to go through I wouldn't just turn and walk away so quickly.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: halfpint on March 05, 2011, 11:29:09 am
John, sorry things seem to have gotten mixed up.  Take your time and wait.  I'm sure you will get a response.  Maybe she is sick, or needs time to think through what she is doing.  I hope it works out for you.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on March 05, 2011, 04:28:56 pm
John

That's not such good news, I sure hope that the problem is some sort of communication glitch and not something more sinister.

But there is only a couple of options for you to ponder......

1) It IS a communication glitch and soon she will be back "on line" and all will be well and you can get on with your life together.

2) It stems from the issues of the failed Tourist visa and the "misunderstanding" about you buying an apartment.

On the bright side, if this lady has walked because you wont buy an apartment...then you are a lucky Man to have found out the truth about her early on in the piece !!

Sure, maybe she lost a lot of face, telling all friends and family that she was going for a holiday in Aus, and that her LG was going to buy an apartment ...both of which evaporated.
Nevertheless, such a disapointment is not enough to destroy a marriage !!!

Either way, you will get to know the truth of it all sooner rather than later. Meanwhile dont ASSUME anything, keep up your communication efforts and see what transpires down the track...it may be all "a storm in a tea-cup" !!

Hang in there, life was not meant to be easy  :-[ :-[, but knowlege is power.

David

ps...if it all is terminal.....get your divorce from her...if you find a Lady in the future you will be a bigamist...and that could cause you a heap of other problems
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on March 07, 2011, 05:04:09 am
well guys it seems that things are not terminal like i thought, she has contacted me with a hundred texts and e,mails,  i brought a new phone and entered her number incorrectly so that was my fault and i also did not set up the message settings to well either, she thought that i was dissolving the relationship as i thought she was.
Technology, i have no understanding of it so i let my kids set things up now and things work perfectly, She had textd me so many times and was beside herself with worry, she was messaging me at all hours of the day and night and was pleading with me to not ever leave her, i have a flood of texts that all came to my phone straight after the proper settings were installed.
I really was so heart broken when the contact was severed and never want for us to go through that again, We are better than ever now and she has really opened up in her deepest feelings toward me in the text messages, Tomorrow she starts with the English lessons part time and she still wants to work full time during the day and on weekends, she tells me that it is the only way for her not to go stir crazy whilst we are apart from each other, She is not bothered about the apartment in Handan and i suggested that we will look in to this later as i would love to live in China for a few months every year when my two youngest have flown the coupe in a few years, she agrees that this is a good idea, She is still beside herself with excitement about the up and coming wedding celebration in September, maybe we will bring this event forward to May, she is over the moon with this idea, See how work goes over the next six weeks as it is very slow at this moment.
Well we are both getting good night sleeps now and she texts me every night when she and her room mate are home safe after their evening meal, all i ask for is daily contact to know she is safe , I have not had much luck with communication lately in both translators and technology too.
well Vince yes i jumped the gun a little,
David, (1) was right on the money, just a glitch,
halfpint, thanks for your comments too.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on March 07, 2011, 05:19:13 am
Really good to hear John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on March 07, 2011, 05:12:42 pm
Whew !!! John

Good news...now we can all start breathing again.

 ;D ;D ;D....David
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on March 07, 2011, 06:05:13 pm
All the things we have to endure , reading Member's Post's ? I certainly have emotions .. I never knew I had before the Forum .  :) :o >:( ::) :'( :P ;D

Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Neil on March 07, 2011, 06:34:45 pm
This is exactly the reason we appreciate when members also post about their painful experiences.  I know it's painful, but we can all learn a valuable lesson from this. 

I'm really glad things are working out.  It's a terrible reason to lose a relationship, over a misunderstanding.  I'm glad that's not the case here.  Good luck John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Paul Todd on March 07, 2011, 07:52:53 pm
What would we do with our kids setting up all the tech for us! It was the same for my wife and I every time the web cam failed one of the kids would be summoned to fix it. They do have their uses  ::) Good to hear all is well with  you now.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: halfpint on March 08, 2011, 12:24:44 am
Very glad to hear it was all a misunderstanding, or miscommunication.  Good lesson for us all to take our time and be patient.  Long distance relationships require that, it is so easy to get the wrong idea when you are thousands of kilometers apart.  When you cant see their faces, and the emotions they contain, its just so easy to take things the wrong way.

Carry on!
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on March 08, 2011, 04:07:10 am
Thanks for the comments guys , i will take things as they come and not loose the faith of this lovely woman who is my wife, Question, Bride price or Dowry, any comments or info would be greatly appreciated, How much is to much and how much is to little, know you will have good advice and replies to this one,,Again, Thanks guys.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on March 08, 2011, 05:20:14 am
John,

All I can say is be careful what you do and the advice you take.  I am not saying people here will steer you wrong.  There is a huge varible here.  It is your wife.  It depends on what she and her family believe and the culture that surounds them.  So begin to ask questions.  I tried and didn't get anywhere.

Peggy told me whatever you think is alright with me.  Well, and I knew this already, it was not alright with her.  It turns out that her brother in law gave $30,000.00 US to the family.  I found this out only after I made my offer.  To say she was pissed is putting it mildly.  I thought it was over between us.  What did I offer?   1000RMB.  We finally settled at 10,000RMB.  About $1500.00 US.  It was a small cry from $30,000.00.  Her family talked some sense into her and here we are about to be together in the US.

Many will give you their best advice and they are not wrong but there is a price in the familys head and that will be like finding a needle in a haystack.


Sorry if I stole anyone's thunder.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Martin on March 08, 2011, 02:24:47 pm
Both Shawn and Mike are totally right here.  Every situation is different.  There are all sorts of variables.  City folk, or country folk.  Traditional or non traditional.  Divorced or never married.  Then there are actual dollar amounts that vary.  There is no right answer to give you.  Some guys didn't pay anything at all.  The best advice is, to talk to your girlfriend about this.  It is not an awkward conversation to have (at least I don't think so).  Be open and honest with her.  Find out if her family expects this.  If so, how much do they expect?  Can you afford this amount?  If not, discuss it with her.  She is the one that can help you in this department.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on March 08, 2011, 02:53:21 pm
I must confess , that I somewhat feel like a Cheapskate here on this subject . Firstly , I gave as mentioned before 3,500 RMB to the Parents . What I did that wasn't too cool , was on Qing's Brother B-day .. I send him a Card with a 100 RMB in it and told him .. to have a Beer on me . So talking to my LaoPo , she said .. if this was anybody else ( not Family ) he would have thrown this straight into the Trash . I just went by our western standards , so thought this was okay . They really don't expect anything less than a 1000 RMB for anything .
Example : On Spring Festival , Qing's Son was the big winner .. 7000 from his Father - 3500 from Qing's Brother and on like that .. down the Family that lives nearby .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on March 08, 2011, 04:57:33 pm
John

My Wife and I discussed the "Dowry" issue in great detail. Her Parents made no requirements on me because it was her second marriage. But after discussion I decided to give them 10,000 RMB as a nice gesture...they were over the Moon with this and it was a good outcome all round.

Have a talk with your Lady and come up with what suits everybody.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on March 08, 2011, 10:14:57 pm
What did In give to my wifes parents when we married - in short nothing.

It was her second marriage and nothing was asked for and nothing offered. 
Although six months later I paid for her father cataract operations. Why?   Because I could.  Not asked for by wife or anyone I just did it.  Just seeing him able to watch TV without having to hold his eyes to get any sort of view was worth more than money.

Why does anyone have to give money after they have  had one failure in marriage?   Beats me.  My thoughts are is that is a bit like bragging 'look at the rich man I caught"  when really the average guy struggles to get the money together.

Willy







Title: Re: my love story
Post by: halfpint on March 08, 2011, 10:18:37 pm
This is the 1st i've heard of a "dowry" to marry in China.  Don't quite know what to think of it except I sure like what Willy did.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on March 09, 2011, 03:25:48 am
Hey guys and girls, Again thanks for the insight / advice about the dowry, I will speak to MinYing about this and see what she thinks as i do not want to offend the family not one bit.
Well she started her ying yu classes (English) yesterday and she did not arrive home till late and was a little hungry when she got home but still gave me the nightly texts , As of yet i do not know how often she has them but i will ask tonight when i send my weekly e,mail to chnlove, Yes we still use them for the important questions twice a week but we have more contact now with the messages and phone calls.
She is always happy to talk with me and the laughter flows easily when we do talk as we can practice our Chinglish together, She is a quick learner and can now pronounce my children s names perfectly and knows their ages and other minor things too.
My youngest daughter Sarah often writes a few lines to her just telling her that she wants her here as soon as possible and MinYing has made the promise to teach Sarah how to cook the Chinese food, They are both excited about this, Every day my son Aaron asks me if i have contacted MinYing today, he too wants her here with us.
At the moment i have limited work as there is a quiet spell here in Perth with the commercial building, I am a commercial window fixer by trade and have not experienced such quiet times before , Things will get better!!!
Well it must be about 11 weeks until i am back in China now(but whos counting?) MinYings new boss is great, She started her new job not long before we was together in December and the boss allowed her the month off to be with me, Now when i return she has also granted her the time off to be with me again even though it is a busy beauticians salon,  MinYing is going to meet me in Beijing and we are going to spend a couple of days there and then return to Handan where i have to spend more time with the family so we can all get to know each other better, Yum, Home cooked Chinese food, The family always put on a feast.
Well she is on my mind from the time i wake until i sleep, Most of you know how i am feeling right now but i must be patient, There is a light at the end of the tunnel and the prize is waiting for me, Thanks again for listening to me dribble on but i think this forum is for us all to read about other members painful experiences and emotions just like Neil and Arnold wrote, cheers guys and girls.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on March 09, 2011, 03:42:13 am
Great update John , and the photo's are very clear , regards Sujuan and Robert .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on March 09, 2011, 04:52:50 am
Yes it is a great update with nice pictures.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on March 09, 2011, 10:57:14 am
Good to see all is well Down Under and in China . Must feel great , that your Kids are excided to see their NEW mom .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on March 09, 2011, 06:07:11 pm
Thanks for the comments guys, Arnold, Yes the kids are excited, We need MinYing to complete our lives here as there has been a certain void in our lives for a while now, My kids love the idea of someone from a different world to come in to our family and she will be loved and cherished by us all, cheers guys. 
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on March 09, 2011, 07:15:24 pm
My kids love the idea of someone from a different world to come in to our family

Hahahaha .. from a different World ? Most local Women are from there . Chinese Lady's seem so "Earthly" compare. 8)
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: halfpint on March 09, 2011, 10:39:26 pm
John, I am very happy for you.   It's great seeing how you feel and seeing your pictures.  You have a very beautiful lady.  She just looks like a really nice girl.  I know how you feel!
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on March 31, 2011, 12:31:34 pm
hi guys and girls, it has been a while since i posted a reply on mine and MinYings love story, we have had the usual mis-communication problems between us both.
Over the last month my wife MinYing has been taking longer working hours at the beauty salon where she works,
I , as a hot headed idiot has been wondering why she has been taking longer to reply to my messages than usual,
She is so alone without me , she has been taking extra work on so she has her mind occupied all the time and without the work she is also going stir crazy,
I felt she was ignoring me when she did not answer my messages to her phone straight away  but she was just so busy at work,
My Chinese ,(pin yin) is very basic but getting better, A while ago she wrote me " My darling John, My work is the only thing i have to keep me going without you here with me, I feel so lonely without you",, It is only this week that i managed to decipher what she wrote to me.

Our phone contact this month has been limited as for her work but tonight she text-ed me to call her, " i have free international calls on my mobile phone",  I left it for about three minutes and as soon as i called she was there to greet me with happiness in her voice, Her English classes are going well  and i was so proud to here my laopo count to twenty in English to me, She has also learning to tell the time and basic sentences too.
My wife starts work at 8am every morning and now works until 8 or 10 pm 6 or 7 days a week, her boss is very good too as not long before i was in Handan her new boss granted her a month off of work to be with me and she has also give her time to be with me when i return in seven weeks, for the duration of my stay, I will meet this person next time i return, This week i told my wife  that our communication was suffering because of the long hours and i was un happy with this so she resigned from her job,     I did not ask her to do this but she did not want our relationship to suffer so she said that she would wait at home every day to receive my messages and to reply to them as soon as possible.
Why are these women so determined to keep their husbands in first place????.
Any way, I messaged MinYing that she should keep working so it looks better for the p/r visa so she agreed and her boss was very happy to have her back too.
With every waking moment MinYing is on my mind and my children ask every week 'when is minying coming here", They have never met her but love her more than their own mother, Every day my son Aaron asks me if i have written to MinYing and my daughter Sarah often writes to MinYing a short message and MinYing is so happy to read these , My son is learning to speak Chinese to help with the transition and Sarah is also trying to learn too,
Tien tien wo xiang wo de lao po,
Yong yuan ai ni MinYing.
regards from MinYing and John.. 

Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Neil on March 31, 2011, 01:34:52 pm
John, may I ask how you do most of your communication?  My wife and I chat exclusive via QQ, she types in Chinese and I translate using www.mdbg.net (http://www.mdbg.net).  If you mostly chat via text message on your phones, it can be difficult to translate.  If you ever have difficulty translating something, feel free to copy/paste the chinese text here.  Someone will gladly translate it for you.  Pinyin is brutal.  It's not meant to be a written language, only a way to allow Chinese speakers to type using english keyboards.   
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on April 01, 2011, 01:15:11 am
Hi Neil, MinYing and myself mostly text in pin yin, We have the weekly phone calls and she is soon to buy her first computer so we can use the web cam and send e,mails to each other, we used qq and it is ok, she uses the internet on her phone for this, she writes to me in Chinese and i translate it here using a free translation program that i down loaded, the program is far from accurate and some things are completely opposite from what we write to each-other,  A while ago i sent a message to her saying that i cant wait for her to join me here in Australia, After i sent it i thought i would translate it back in to English and was shocked to read that it said, The message read " I do not want you to join me here in Austria", Can any one tell me if there is a professional translation soft ware that i can purchase so no mistakes are made, There has to be something available that businesses use for international trade to over come communication problems??, Any one help me here ???,
i will try the web address that you just gave me Neil ,Thanks for that, As for the pin yin , i am getting better and it is also a lot of fun and it keeps me occupied every night when i would be just thinking of my wife, She has a good laugh at the mistakes i sometimes make and corrects me on them,
i use Google translate to decipher some of the harder ones and find this to be quite accurate and help me a lot too with making more complicated messages to my wife, You can also hear the pronunciation of the words so i can also speak them to her when we talk on the phone.
Any help on translation programs will be greatly appreciated from you guys,  regards from John. 
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on April 01, 2011, 01:28:31 am
John

I use a Professional Translation Pack called "Transwhiz"  (www.otek.com.tw (http://www.otek.com.tw)) and Ming tells me it is very accurate. It is used for high end Business Translations and can almost make the coffee  ;D ;D ;D

It can do Traditional, Classic and Simplified Chinese and back to English or vice-versa. Also handles Pin Yin. can use English text or Chinese writing.

I highly recommend it...but it is a bit pricey !!!

One of the problems with ANY translator is that there will always be problems with colloquialisms. For instance "I can't wait", will always get a translator screwed up....because the literal meaning is "I will not wait or", It is impossible for me to wait !!! ....the meaning as we know it is lost to a machine tramslator....Better get much more simple with your sentence structure...ie " I am impatient for you to be here with me"...or similar.

I always have Transwhiz running in the background, so if we get stuck on some topic, Ming can type exactly what she wants to say in Chinese script and I can do an instant translation. Similarly, I can type my English words and Transwhiz translates them into Chinese script which I cut and paste into QQ. Bit complex I know, but over time, as her English got better and better, we used it less and less !!

David
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Neil on April 01, 2011, 01:32:28 am
That's why I suggested you use www.mdbg.net (http://www.mdbg.net) - it not only does the translation, it lists each Chinese character, the pinyin and the English translation.  And you can enable colors to the tones.  I really wish I could use this site offline as well.  I'd really be interested in a decent translation program too.  I'll have to check out Transwhiz.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on April 01, 2011, 02:04:57 am
Neil, i looked at the site you sugested and as you might know i am not the best with tech stuff, all i need is a program for sending and receiving emails and to translate them, can this be done with this programme?.
David i just looked at the site you sugested and does this allow for the emails to be sent and received and also translated?, which pack did you buy?,
It is not to expensive when you add up the money i have spent with chnlove over the last 11 months, And MinYing is a little shy to express her true feelings through the translator who does our letters so she will be delighted if we can use a good software programme and she can be more open with her thoughts and feelings, Can this be used to type letters "chat"  while using qq and web cam??, all help greatly appreciated guys, thanks for the quick feed back, John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on April 01, 2011, 02:36:16 am
John

I bought the Standard Edition. It also comes with free periodic updates to logic and vocabulary.  And yes, it can do emails and web translation automatically if you set it up that way.

It can be used "live" when you are on QQ and Ming and I used it a lot in the early days...we luckily avoided some of the language traps that you mention and therefore I think Transwhiz was a good investment.

David
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Neil on April 01, 2011, 08:15:05 am
Language issues are huge.  Any tool that can help avoid those issues is worth it's weight in gold.  Transwhiz sounds very good.  I'd suggest you give it a try if you can. 
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on April 01, 2011, 10:58:58 am
thanks guys, David,,,one of the magic 1000,,,old timer,,haha.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on April 01, 2011, 05:14:05 pm
Haha...

Yes, this is my 1000 th post......

And I expect the gold watch and hand-lettered Certificate is in the mail !!!

Seriously, I do feel like an old-timer, although there are Bros here with many more posts than me. I had hoped that my 1000 th post would coincide with the advice that Ming has got her visa, but that was not to be, but we must be getting close now, we must be patient for a little longer, But it is not easy as I am sure many of you know !!!

When I joined the Forum after 4 abortive trips to China and having suffered all the usual CHNLove dramas, I would never belive that some 20 odd months later I would be typing my 1000 th, would have found and married my Princess and had had 6 more trips to meet her !!...it has been a long and costly adventure....but worth every cent.

I would never have made it this far without all the advice, help and encouragement I got from all the guys here........to say "thanks" is inadequate...but thanks... ;D ;D...you will all always be a part of our relationship in the future.

Looking back, there have been so many words, so many stories and so many good guys who have made and are making this "journey", there have been good times, bad times and some very weird happenings, but throughout it all there has been this invaluable place for all of us to go to keep sane and to know we are not alone in this. I dont know of any other Forum that has such a diverse and useful function...it must be unique.

I doubt I will get to 2000 posts and I am sure that nobody will ever catch Vince !!!!...but I am pretty chuffed with 1000.

Keep it all going guys.......it matters

David
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on April 01, 2011, 09:31:34 pm
And David E , your advice for all the newbies has been invaluable , so all the best in that little pocket of Australia , ha ha , regards Sujuan and Robert .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on April 05, 2011, 07:20:34 am
Hi guys and girls, MinYing is very much wanting to buy a computer since i told her about the translation program that was suggested by David a few days ago, The thing i want to know is if i buy a lap top here and take it to MinYing in seven weeks time is will she be able to use it and understand the key board,,,like i told you b4 is i am not tec savy, when in China before she used my laptop ok but i want to know if i should buy her one here or in China.
The reason i ask is because i can use the tax deduction in my business, I guess i should have taken more notice of the computer her family uses when i was there in dec/jan,,As always i will appreciate any info i can get from you guys.

Another note is MinYing is spending as much time at work to learn to do the manicure now , She really wants to join the work force as soon as she can and is very excited to learn as much as she can in her field of work, She is doing the beauty therapy and is wanting to work in this field as she enjoys it very much, (never known a beautician before to never wear make up), She is always beautiful to me without it.
thanks guys for any info on the laptop,,regards from John. 
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: sara on April 05, 2011, 07:41:09 am
John
  You would go to the office that could fix the computer (电脑维修部), and ask them to fix a program for Chinese system (安装中文系统) after you buy a laptop. Fixing the programs for the computer costs about 50 yuan in Beijing.
Sara
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on April 05, 2011, 08:45:09 am
John , just for your info My step daughter and better half both arrived here with Dell computers with Chinese programs which can like QQ change to English in an instant and now step daughter has taken back a top of the range H P laptop with to many systems for me to handle , but it would seem that with with the new Microsoft 7 series she can just jump in and out of Chinese to English , I would say work out the dollars you want to spend , get a well known brand and then bargain with a reputable chinese seller in your city and tell him what programs you need loaded , use it yourself for a week or 2 so it is used ha ha then when you go take both , and don't forget she will need an adaptor for Chinese plug type , regards Sujuan and Robert .
 Chinese customs might get sus if you do not have some of your info on the new machine and of course it is for business not a GIFT, you do not want to be hit for DUTY.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: maxx on April 05, 2011, 06:27:18 pm
John Robert has the right answear.Buy the laptop in China.The store you buy the lap top from will load it up with the programs your wife will need.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on April 05, 2011, 10:05:55 pm
I bought Peggy a net book there.  It has been wonderful except the monitor is small.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Jason B on April 05, 2011, 10:47:58 pm
I also bought Xia a laptop in Shenzhen.  All loaded from the store ready to go.  Best move ever, as she did not have to go to a internet cafe or use the work computer.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on April 05, 2011, 11:15:44 pm
John

The Australian Taxation Office does not care...and has no business to be concerned, where you buy a new computer for your Business ... if you choose to buy it in China, Aus or Timbuktoo...it is none of their concern ::) ::)

Just make sure you get a receipt for it if you buy it in China and also make a note of the serial number. Then you can declare it as an additional asset in your next Tax return and claim your depreciation allowance (accellerated because it is a computer by the way ). Should you ever have a Tax Audit (chances about 1 in a million) then you will have to get the receipt translated as proof of purchase.

If you never have an Audit...problem solvered  ;D ;D

David
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on April 15, 2011, 11:26:09 am
Hey guys and girls, It has been many days since my last post on my love story but now i have an update  ;D
My ticket is booked and payed for and i will join with the most beautiful woman in China,,OK forgive me , They are all beautiful, I will be joining her in Beijing on the 21st of May , She tells me that she will run to me at the airport and give me the hugs and kisses that we have missed out on for the last three months,,It will be four months when we are finally together.
This time i am hoping that i can keep my emotions under control and keep the tears of joy at bay.

The plan is for us to stay in Beijing for two nights and then move on to Suzhou and then on to Hangzhuo, I have looked at these places on Google  Earth and they both look good to visit, Have any of you guys been there before???????.
She has plans for us to meet with friends in Handan when we finally get there and also to spend time with her family too,. For some reason i am really looking forward to see them again and spend some time at their home.
She recently sent me some more  photos and i was so happy to receive them, I was about to print them out and then noticed she was not wearing the wedding ring,,,,,Me being the totally unreasonable pig headed bastard that i can be, Thought the worst,,
(why do i punish myself??) Anyhow, I will not shed a light on the message i sent her but i will tell you all that i will always wait for an explanation and always practice the 24hr rule, She told me off and i accept that i was a truly unreasonable schmuck, 
Any how, We are stronger than ever and tonight we had our longest conversation ever on the phone, The laughter never stopped with us both practicing each others language and i am still here a happy man.

I have never felt so happy with a woman in my life as i do with my MinYing, I an not so stupid to say there will be no communication problems between us and also cultural problems too, She always gives me the strength when i am alone and down and also knows when to send me new pictures to lift my spirits too,
What have i done in my 46 years on this planet to deserve such a wonderful and beautiful woman??, I have been trying to figure this out but have no explanation.

It has been almost one year now,(23rd April), I remember arriving home and reading an admiration letter from a woman named MinYing Li , Her letter was so simple and seemed from the heart and i thought i would take a chance to reply to her, I never knew what was to transpire from that first reply but we both grew so close, She told me that she had been in contact with a guy from America for 6 months but not like we was every day, She , Like myself withdrew our profiles from chnlove and we are now husband and wife, Never before have i had someone to lift my spirits in the way she does , And i have never before enjoyed shopping for clothes, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??, ha ha, I told her that we would shop for dresses for her in Beijing as she has nice legs ^--^  She was a little embarrassed to read this as the translator read it before her,,
What can i say?, She tells me that she is as excited as a school girl waiting for our next rendezvous, Here am i waiting, hoping, praying, That if this is all a dream,,Then i wish i never wake.
Regards from John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on April 15, 2011, 06:57:08 pm
John, working on the 2 minute rule ha ha , many of the ladies do not feel safe wearing jewelery out , a bit like us walking aroumd with a hundred dollar note half out of our pocket , you only need one nasty with a box cutter and there goes finger , Sujuan even here in Melb will only wear rings if we are out together , and never to her work , regards Sujuan and Robert .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Neil on April 15, 2011, 07:17:12 pm
Wow, I had never even considered that point.  My wife wears my ring all the time.  I'll have to ask her if she feels safe wearing it in public.  She's a pretty street-smart girl and she's always among friends and family.  Also, she lives in a smaller city so maybe it's not as bad for crime.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on April 15, 2011, 08:14:20 pm
thanks guys, MinYing told me the reason she was not wearing the ring was for the reason that she might get robbed for it, I , after reading the latest posts to my love story now know they are in fear of loosing something so precious to them, She told me that the love ring was so close to her heart and if it got stolen she would be devastated, In five weeks from now she will wear it every day when we are together, I never thought about to possibility of it getting stolen as i am here from the west and a lot of western women flaunt their jewelery  as often as they can.
MinYing also never carries much in her bag compared to  western women, She always keeps her phone in her pocket and only 100 rmb in cash on her person,After reading these latest posts to my story i now understand why she never has much on her, Fear of loosing something so precious,,Thanks for the insight guys,,Really helpful in my better understanding of the Chinese woman.
Regards from John,
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Vince G on April 15, 2011, 11:25:30 pm
FYI, Here in the states most women have downplayed their jewelry for fear of getting mugged (robbed). Any smart criminal knows for the past few years or so diamonds produced have a serial number embedded onto it now, only visible with a microscope. Making it traceable. 
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on April 16, 2011, 12:07:06 pm
John , to your question .. if anybody ever been to Hangzhou . I have twice and it is one of my all time favourite places in China . For many Chinese also . Beautiful Parks , West Lake , Temples and a must is .. take your Lady and yourself .. put yourself on two Bicycle's ( or one Tandem ) and do the around the Lake Ride . It is just awesome ! From Shanghai , with the faster Train now .. it only takes less than one Hour .. as before just under two .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on April 17, 2011, 03:59:52 am
Thanks Arnold about the info on Hangzhou, I have looked on Google earth and it looks a lovely place as does suzhou, We will travel between many cities and enjoy every minute together.
I have employed an immigration lawyer this time and the paper work will be sent to the embassy upon my return from China as this is my third trip i thought after reading many of the posts here it is better to wait until this trip is over, I will have many more pictures taken with the family and friends and keep every receipt and ticket to admit to the lawyer, I think the more the better, Well i am counting down the days now and have never been happier, I call her once a week and Friday we had our longest call ever, 25 minutes, Her English is getting better as is my Chinese, We used a bit of both and had good understanding, The laughter flowed freely and after we said our goodbyes the text messages started, Should i copy my phone bills too for the proof of the communication and also the proof of the text messages?, Any help on what i should submit to the embassy will be greatly appreciated ,  Cheers guys and girls,,MinYing and John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on April 17, 2011, 06:06:18 am
John

There is only one rule about documents submitted as part of your application for a spouse visa 309...........and that is...You can never have enough !!!!!

Send them everything you have that is even remotely is associated with your relationship. And if you can get 4 or 5 Stat Decs from friends and family to support that they know of your relationship...thats good too !!

David
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on April 17, 2011, 07:56:53 am
John, back to the ring if you do not mind.  My first trip to China I bought Peggy a ring and she wore it the whole time I was there.  When I got back to the US I noticed it was not on.  We the *@#( hit the fan and then I wound up wearing it.  Lets just say that I do not question her loyalty anymore.  Count it up as one of those difficult lessons that we learn and don't forget it because it can be a memory to help calm you down quickly in the future.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on April 23, 2011, 09:47:29 am
Maybe  i am being to much like a westerner but is special occasions mean nothing to a Chinese woman???,
It is exactly one year today that MinYing sent me her first letter and it means a lot to me,,,Her response today was










YEH,,,nothing, Am i being to sensitive???????????.
Should it be taken in to consideration from the solar or lunar calender???????,
No message to my phone or through the translator at Chnlove,,,,
I am disappointed.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Rhonald on April 23, 2011, 10:37:06 am
Did you send her a message asking her what happened one year ago? Maybe you need to clue her in by hinting at, " Did you meet someone the 1st time today one year ago?". I remember that I placed more importance on my first letter then my wife did. It could be that since I was only writing to one person, the date stuck in my head better, while maybe for her, she had been receiving letters from a few gentlemen before concentrating on me.

Remember, everyone places more importance on an idea or an action when they are the instigator. Just tell her that for you the date matters and see if she gravitates to a more suitable response. My wife knows now and we always joke around that important date by asking as a confused question - " who did you meet one year ago?"  ::)

Our date is a little sensitive because it is also so near to the date that her foster mother died. So treat her little missed missive as another little battle scar that will adorn your heart. We all earn our purple hearts with these long distance love affairs.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on April 23, 2011, 11:10:11 am
John , I think that unless MinYing has a lot of downtime she is probably to busy getting all her ducks in a row and worrying about interviews etc, my Sujuan and I did not even realise until a week later from when our liason began and that was only because we were filling out some forms at the bank , had you sent her a small bunch of flowers a couple of days early with why and when on them it may have been better , do not forget simple things can come back to bite on the face issue , regards Sujuan and Robert .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on April 23, 2011, 12:43:42 pm
Thanks Ronald and Robert , MinYing had forgot to remember today but she covered it up very well, She was so sorry and i accept it without getting to over the top,,,How many times have i done that??? I called her and then things were great,,She is now in an apartment by herself and studying English and again the phone calls are getting longer,
32 minutes last night and she is learning in leaps and bounds,,I am so proud of my laopo, The text messages are flowing every day and she is now texting me in English too, Very simple texts but it gives me great pleasure to read them, She also talked to my younger daughter Sarah last night and Sarah was so happy and excited to talk with her it nearly brought a tear to my eye, My two younger children are learning a little Chinese to make the  transition  a little easier on  MinYing .
Less than 4 weeks now and we will be reunited,,How many of you here have been counting down the days until you have met your loved one at the airport??
To many,,You must know how i am feeling right now,
It is 12.15am Here in Australia and all i think of is my wonderful wife in China,,I am having trouble sleeping but am happy at the same time, I have been on a diet for two weeks and lost nearly two kilos and am happy with myself, She tells me that she will love  me no matter how i look but i in myself know that what her friends think of me is  important, I am 6"3 and weigh 103kgs,,Afar cry from when i was 132kgs with my ex,,
I was very unhappy with my previous relationship and just was a couch potato, 
Since i met MinYing on Chnlove i have became a different man, She has given me a new lease on life and i am a very grateful man to have met her,
I have read many of the posts here over my time and taken much advice, I thank you all for what i have learned and also hope that some of you can relate to my stupidity and my limited knowledge of understanding of the Chinese women, , Tonight i bowed down to my wife for my misunderstanding , I feel a better man and a happier man to wait and remember the two minute rule, Not the 24hr rule , And it is such a relief to sort things out so soon  even with the  language  difference, To hear her laughter after the misunderstanding was great, Tonight i feel i have  come so far,
I thank you all for your pearls of wisdom and your advice since i have been here and i hope i can contribute to many of you and the new comers to follow, Tonight i give my regards from myself only as i have learnt so much . Regards from John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on May 08, 2011, 09:53:56 am
Hey guys and girls, Only 13 more sleeps now until i am back in China with my Qin ai de, I sound like a child waiting for Christmas, haha, She too is beside herself with excitement and is gathering all the information needed for me to bring back here to lodge the visa, It is a long hard road to follow but we are both committed.
It seems the days are getting longer and i can not wait to cross each day off on the calender as they pass, I can just imagine her smiles when we meet each-other at Beijing airport on the 21st of May and i am waiting for that first hug and kiss, She is warming up to the way a western man shows his affection and tells me that she is not so shy any more but i will still try to control myself when i put my arms around her.
It is now 9.24pm and i am waiting for her to finish work and give me the nightly message to say she is safe, I sent her a message on QQ tonight and she was happy that her phone is now working properly to send me back a message, As i was very happy too,,,
I have set up SKYPE on her new laptop and it works great, In still have my weekly lessons for my Chinese and MinYing is so proud of me as it helps us both with our weekly conversations, They last for over 30 minutes each time now and just to hear her laughter is great, I still need help with the pronunciation of some words but she says i am doing well.
Just last Thursday night i was trying to plan our vacation together and could not pronounce Suzhou or Hangzhou properly, it took about 5 minutes until she realized what i was trying to say, Again the laughter flowed easily, She is learning English well.
I have promised to go shopping with her in Beijing and Suzhou for clothes for her as the summer fashion is in full swing now, Never before have i enjoyed shopping for clothes with a lady but i do with my MinYing, She is a gorgeous and,,,Sexy,,(hope i can say that), woman, and has a great fashion sense, She is also very cautious with money too which i like,,(not like my ex), I do not mind spending (our) money on her, She has never asked for anything from me but just my love which i give freely, How can i not love her???.
She is the most adorable, caring, loveable woman i have ever met,,I will spoil her when ever i can and all i ask is for her love in return, She often writes(Will you love me forever?) What can i say to that??? , I guess i am a lucky man to find my love so early in the search instead of contacting so many and finding (gold diggers) or uncompilable partners.
I checked my phone bill when it came through on Friday and i sent 238 text messages and called her 10 times over the last month,,obsessive??? I don't think so, I am lucky to have a company phone and have free international calls and texts too.

For anyone interested i  will continue to give updates from China and the cities we visit and include photos too, Tomorrow i hope to wake and find out it is the 20th of May  but i know i am only dreaming,,
Here i am tonight with a smile on my face and the love of a beautiful woman in my heart,,,,,,So much Chinese food to enjoy,,Three weeks of it,,,Who is jealous???? haha,, Good night guys and girls,,,,MinYing and John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: maxx on May 08, 2011, 10:36:21 am
John your post is a little confusing.You say you have 13 more sleeps.That would make it May 21.Not June 21.If you meant May let me know I can fix it for you.Eitherway have a good time.And the best of luck  to you and your lady.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Jason B on May 08, 2011, 10:56:46 am
is gathering all the information needed for me to bring back here to lodge the visa, It is a long hard road to follow but we are both committed.

John good luck when you submit your paperwork and just a word of advice, make sure you dot your t's and cross your i's and give them everything you can think of to help your case no matter how trivial it may sound.  Also I hope it is a typo but you do submit the paperwork in Beijing not in Oz and they will ask you to pay the fee on the day of submission via their banking arrangements.  Not sure of Beijing but the office in Guangzhou had a BOC downstairs and they gave us their business bank details to deposit the money into and then we had to take the receipt back to the office as proof of payment.  Also the police check (must be translated for submission) is to be conducted prior to submission and they will ring her when they want her to conduct the medical.  If you have any other queries about the paperwork post them here and someone will be able to give you all the info you require.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on May 08, 2011, 12:05:22 pm
Hey Maxx i just fixed the typo,,Yes it is in May,,,,roll on,,Jason, I will be submitting my paperwork here in oz , To my immigration lawyer and they will forward the hundreds of pages to the Beijing office, MinYing is learning so quickly with her English now and i am so proud of her, I just received four text messages from her and she is so excited that we will be together soon,,As will I too,Well it will be 12 sleeps now until she runs to me at Beijing airport and i am a happy (old) man,hehe, Thanks guys and girls for the help over the last six months or so and i hope i too have been a help to some one out there too, I guess i do not have to tell you all how excited i am right now as most of you have been there before me.
Im hungry, Not just for my darling MinYing but for a double beef whopper(Burger king for the Americans ), My diet has been taking its toll on my body and i need some western enjoyment, Good luck guys and hope to be some help to you all in the future,,,Regards from John..
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on May 08, 2011, 06:19:24 pm
John

Time will pass quickly now, it wont be long !!!

Just a small correction.......your application will go to the Shanghai Consulate....this is the Consulate that handles all applications for 309 visas from Perth. It is very likely that your Lady will get a phone interview and wont need to front up in person to Shanghai. That is what happened with Ming and it was very easy for her.

Our case Officer tells us that thier processing time at the moment is about 5 months, so we are almost there !!! Should hear something within the next couple of weeks.

Pity us Sandgropers could not deal with the Guangzhou Office same as Jason did...he got processed in 20 days........mmmmm.

Cheers...David
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on May 08, 2011, 07:15:28 pm
Thanks David, I thought i heard my lawyer say Beijing, It is possible i was hearing things, I was also told 6--9 months to process maybe longer but will just have to wait and see.
MinYing has taken the day from work today to gather the information that i have to bring back with me for the application, Hopefully without a hitch, Then as you know i have to get it translated and rubber stamped and what ever else.
David, As for time passing quickly now, It seems the hands on the clock go backward some times, I know that when i arrive in China the hands will gain momentum and in the blink of an eye i will be back here, It has been a long hard four months, I have strained the relation ship some times with my miss-understandings and just being pig headed but my Qin ai de has always explained away my doubts and i have seen the sense in her actions (the wedding ring).
So David, You say the visa will be sent to Shanghai, That is very far from MinYings home of Handan, Hopefully she will just have the phone interview and not have to travel so far, I think MinYing will find this a little easier as your wife Ming found out, The closet place for my wife to have the medical exams is in Beijing, About 3-4 hours by train i think so she will get to spend a long time with her sons and take them to an amusement park for the best part of a day.
So your almost there David, Good for the both of you, I hope the rest is smooth sailing now and i hope the time passes quickly until Ming arrives here, Regards from MinYing and John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Neil on May 08, 2011, 07:21:23 pm
At least you don't have to deal with Hong Kong's Canadian consulate - current processing times: 18 months vs Beijing's 4 months.  That's bloody unacceptable.
http://www.cic.gc.ca/english/information/times/perm/fc-spouses.asp (http://www.cic.gc.ca/english/information/times/perm/fc-spouses.asp)

Only Islamabad Pakistan is a longer wait. 
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on May 08, 2011, 08:32:53 pm
I share your frustration Neil. Ming sent a very nice and polite email to our case Officer (bitch !!) last week telling her that our wedding anniversary and my Birthday (same date) was approaching and could she give any idea if our visa would be processed in time so that we could have this special day together in Perth.

Bearing in mind, we cannot go overseas together because Shanghai has Ming's passport....and has had it since early February !!

The reply we got was pure acid and bullshit !!!...basically said "we dont have urgency here, everybody takes their place in the queue and you just gotta wait till we are ready. She also said it was "Immigration Policy" to make us wait 6 months minimum. I cant find any reference to such a Policy in Official Government data and as we know, Jason got his visa in 20 days out of Guangzhou...so this "Policy" crap is just that..."crap !!

I know this is rubbish because we ahve many instances and evidence that people have got visas via Shanghai in periods from 2 to 5 months !!

So today I am hot-footing it into my Lawyer and will begin to make some large noises...I dont like being lied to, especially from a Public Servant who gets paid from my taxes.

I doubt I will get anywhere, but I am going to have a go
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Pineau on May 08, 2011, 10:47:18 pm
Hey guys and girls, Only 13 more sleeps now until i am back in China with my Qin ai de, I sound like a child waiting for Christmas, haha, She too is beside herself with excitement and is gathering all the information needed for me to bring back here to lodge the visa, It is a long hard road to follow but we are both committed.
It seems the days are getting longer and i can not wait to cross each day off on the calender as they pass, I can just imagine her smiles when we meet each-other at Beijing airport on the 21st of May and i am waiting for that first hug and kiss, She is warming up to the way a western man shows his affection and tells me that she is not so shy any more but i will still try to control myself when i put my arms around her.
It is now 9.24pm and i am waiting for her to finish work and give me the nightly message to say she is safe, I sent her a message on QQ tonight and she was happy that her phone is now working properly to send me back a message, As i was very happy too,,,
...........Never before have i enjoyed shopping for clothes with a lady but i do with my MinYing, She is a gorgeous and,,,Sexy,,(hope i can say that), woman, and has a great fashion sense, She is also very cautious with money too which i like,,(not like my ex), I do not mind spending (our) money on her, She has never asked for anything from me but just my love which i give freely, How can i not love her???.
She is the most adorable, caring, loveable woman i have ever met,,I will spoil her when ever i can and all i ask is for her love in return, She often writes(Will you love me forever?) What can i say to that??? , 
I checked my phone bill when it came through on Friday and i sent 238 text messages and called her 10 times over the last month,,obsessive??? I don't think so, I am lucky to have a company phone and have free international calls and texts too.
Here i am tonight with a smile on my face and the love of a beautiful woman in my heart,,,,,,So much Chinese food to enjoy,,Three weeks of it,,,Who is jealous???? haha,, Good night guys and girls,,,,MinYing and John.
This guy is suffering from a heavy dose of endorphins.  That’s fun to see someone else acting the same as you.  I almost get high reading your posts.  Endorphins are stronger and sweeter than any other drug and you don’t get arrested for abuse. Ha ha.   Have a good time ,  Gerry

PS:  you’re  gone now. Anyone that has crossed over and actually enjoys shopping for women’s clothes is too far gone to save.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on May 08, 2011, 11:06:25 pm
PS:  you’re  gone now. Anyone that has crossed over and actually enjoys shopping for women’s clothes is too far gone to save.

Ohhhh ... don't nobody save "ME" . I'm long gone and gone to the World of Shopping with the Wife/LaoPo . Any kind of Shopping and I love it now .
IT'S NOT TOO BAD ... REALLY !
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on May 09, 2011, 01:15:35 am
Ha ha, Thanks Gerry, Yes i am to far gone to save, Im loving every minute of it and will continue to do so, I will control myself and try not to get arrested,  You got it right Arnold, Don,t nobody save me, im long gone too, MinYing has just called me and told me she is on the way to Shanghai to get the information our lawyer has asked for, Wow what a trip, All that way from her home town, She is so committed to getting every thing correct and all the right documents, Only 11 more sleeps now, Not that i am getting much ;D ,Your post made me laugh Gerry, Regards from MinYing and John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on May 09, 2011, 01:33:05 am
Hahaha You guys !!!!!

I am very happy to be dragged around the clothes shops for 8 hours buying clothes with Ming...especially the undie shops  8) 8)....becuse in a whole day of frantic shopping in Chengdu, we can go home with endless bags of stuff...and I only spend a few hundred bucks.....try doing that in the West and your credit card will have terminal burn marks on it !!!!!

So dont get into the habit fellas....may be you regret it later at your bancrupcy hearing   ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on May 09, 2011, 05:15:30 am
Whatever she wants to do makes me happy...    within reason...   I love to watch her shop for clothing for herself.   I only break out into a cold sweat at the cash register.  :o
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on May 20, 2011, 03:51:16 am
24 hours and i am in Beijing with my princess,,4 months is toooo long to be apart,Way to long, tonight at 1am i will be on the runway at Perth international airport, Case is packed , Gifts are brought, hmmmm, what have i forgotten????????i guess i will find out when i am in China,,Update when i am in Beijing,or Suzhou, or Hangzhou or maybe Handan,,, No sleep since Wednesday, Last night the smoke alarm out side my bed room was beeping because of a depleted battery, It is hard wired so i decided to take out the battery but it kept beeping as it does without a battery, so i took the battery from the one in the kitchen as it is battery operated only , That one was depleted too so i had no sleep and then at 3am the one in the lounge started to beep,,,S#*t,, Today at work was hell and now it is pouring with rain and i just hung my washing out to dry, Must keep calm and think of MinYing,,
Update soon guys and girls,,Regards from MinYing and John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Scottish_Robbie on May 20, 2011, 06:30:00 am
Safe trip John...ENJOY... ;D ;D ;D :P
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: lfputman3 on May 20, 2011, 09:59:33 am
Have a good trip, enjoy the sites, have fun and look forward to the updates.

Lloyd
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on May 20, 2011, 11:38:20 am
Hahaha .. I had the same trouble with my Smoke Alarms . Did the same , one by one .. took the Batteries out before it gave up the Beep Beep . Drove me knots , but not in the middle of the Night though .. Lucky me .

Have a great TRIP John and do report .. we are waiting .. you know ?
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Vince G on May 20, 2011, 11:57:40 am
FYI if a smoke alarm is hardwired in series (on the same elec wire) and a battery on one goes bad... they all beep.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: joeswuhandream on May 20, 2011, 05:27:49 pm
yeah john have a fantastic trip  keep us up to speed with how things are going
always look forward to your postings 
must say your reports are like the  film   love story  ;)
regards joey /Sophia
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on May 22, 2011, 08:36:57 am
Hey guys and girls, Well the waiting was hell over the last week but now im here and it seems like i never left, I arrived on time and went through customs without a problem and in the crowd i could see a hand waving at me and MinYing jumping up and down with the happiest smile on her face, I  sucked back the tears of joy and she came to me from the crowd and arms spread wide gave me the biggest hug i could have hoped for, I could not to resist and picked this tiny lady from her feet and held her and she actually kissed me in public, Not just a short kiss either, She had lost all he inhibitions and it was very welcomed by me, By the time we were back at the hotel all the stresses of the last four months vanished, It feels like we never were apart.
The weather here in Beijing is nice and warm and a nice breeze is blowing, The smells of China once again fill my lungs, The driving is still atrocious, The food is fantastic and my bride is as beautiful and affectionate as the day we were married, She has just spoke to my family on SKYPE and feels good to finally see them, As soon as i return the visa papers will be lodged, I need her every day as you all know how hard it is to be apart from each-other.
I brought some gifts for the family before i left Australia but MinYing has claimed the stuffed kangaroo that i brought for our niece, We must shop for something else for her now, Funny how women still have a soft spot for the stuffed toys, Never mind, MinYing is telling me to stop writing now and join her and teach her some English,,,The boss has spoken,,Oh, by the way, The cat i ate today was different, The snake was not to bad,,,But i drew the line at the testicals,,,,,  Bye guys.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Pineau on May 22, 2011, 11:23:02 am
Super cool, just like in the movies. I am glad you made it without incident and the reunion was what you hoped for.
I hope you get to sleep in tomorrow .

Good Job guy.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: joeswuhandream on May 22, 2011, 12:29:06 pm
pineau  john always comes up with excellent postings when in china or  in Aussie
but i draw the line  on  getting some sleep, think john  as  some more important personal stuff to look after  ;D
say no more   ;D
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Rhonald on May 22, 2011, 03:24:11 pm
But i drew the line at the testicals,,,,,  Bye guys.

Eating testicals?....... now doesn't that take BALLS?  :o
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on May 26, 2011, 10:48:13 am
Greetings from Suzhou, This place is a little like Venice with some of the older city built on canals, A real eye opener, Off to Hangzhou on the 28th and maybe Shanghai for a couple of days until we return to MinYing s home town of Handan.
My wife had her medical in Beijing three days ago and i was reading over the doctors shoulder on his computer screen and everything looks OK,
Been quizzing her on a few questions that she might be asked for her interview and she has a good memory, Just glad the interview was not today as she totally forgot my birthday,,,,Hmmm, Got many calls from family and friends and she still never realised until about 2pm, Never mind i just hope she remembers the date when asked, Not that i wish to celebrate my birthday as they seem to be coming quicker each year .
This is my third trip here in eight months and i love it more each time i am here, I have asked MinYing how she feels if we live here and she is fine with this idea, Maybe later after my kids have left home then it will be a great possibility, At this moment i have had enough of people starring at as both for holding hands as we walk, It does not bother MinYing as it did in Beijing when we first got together but i have stopped in my tracks a few times and returned the glares until they look away, I have only seen one other westerner here with a Chinese girl but they had no physical contact as she was shopping and he stood outside the shop with a bored look on his face, I hate to admit it but i have enjoyed shopping with MinYing as she always asks my opinion and if i do not like,,Then she does not buy,,,I like that,,,She values my opinion .
Any way, I am enjoying every minute with my wife here and will continue to do so until the 12th or 19th of June,, Hoping for the 19th but see how work goes, MinYing brought a small b/day cake and sang Happy birthday song in Chinese to me,,She has a sweet voice, I have had about four glasses of Chinese whiskey now so off to bed with me, Keep you posted guys and girls,,MinYing and John.   
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Jason B on May 26, 2011, 11:09:25 am
Happy Birthday mate, keep us updated on your adventures, nice piccies too mate.  4 glasses of Chinese whiskey! better you than me, I can not stand the stuff besides it would knock me out for about a week.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: joeswuhandream on May 26, 2011, 03:43:52 pm
hey great to hear from you john   glad you and your wife are enjoying your time 
great pics  have fun and keep us all updated 
regards joey/Sophia  :)
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on May 26, 2011, 06:36:49 pm
John,  The next time you are faced with eating testicles there is a simple solution for that.  Next time ask for Rocky Mountain Oysters.  I'm sure they will understand.  Quite tasty.   ;D


Oh, I forgot.  The only way not to eat testicles is still attached.  :o


And I don't mean girlfriend or wife.  :o :o
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Rhonald on May 26, 2011, 07:30:49 pm
Next time ask for Rocky Mountain Oysters.

Is a pearl of wisdom offered with that morsel?  :o

Happy Birthday John ....... In China with your girl, that is one special present.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on May 26, 2011, 07:45:43 pm
Ron,

No, I think it was something I saw in an old western movie.  Can't remember the name of the movie but I can see in my mind Slim Pickens saying, "You don't want to eat dem things whilst dey still attached."  Of course he was talking about Rocky Mountain Oysters.  :o  Oops.  I just let the cat out of the bag.  Nawww... John already ate it.  ;D


And I forgot too.  Happy Birthday John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on May 30, 2011, 06:27:03 am
Hello from Shanghai, Time for an update i think, Well i ,We really enjoyed Suzhou even though outside the hotel was under heavy road maintenance, The restaurants were good and the people friendly as always, We got the usual looks of dis-approval from the elders for holding hands in public but what the hell,
We visited an island about an hours drive from our hotel and went for a boat ride which MinYing enjoyed very much, She has not done to much with her self as adventure wise and is having a ball, We had a peddy cab driver for many hours to show us around the island and take us up a mountain to show us where tea is grown, I was expecting someone to come from the bushes wearing a ski mask wielding a chain saw but we survived.
We spent a whole day at a place called Zhouzhuang, It is the "number 1" water city in Suzhou, Great day seeing the sights and going for a gondola ride and eating to much again, I suggest anyone going to Suzhou to visit this place.
The time went to fast in Suzhou and we caught the fast train to Hangzhou , Wow, 344kph, MinYing was so excited she fell asleep, Anyway the plan was five nights in Hangzhou and then three in Shanghai,,,,,,,,
Got off the train in Hangzhou and went to get a taxi and there were a hundred new vw taxis waiting,Somehow we managed to get in the twenty year old Hyundai??,, The window frame on the back door had been welded on (just) and this thing had no shock-absorbers what so ever, We arrived at our hotel and the room was nice so we relaxed for a while, MinYing got hungry as always so we went to find a restaurant to have a meal, We ordered our meals and i also ordered a beer, The beer arrived straight from the microwave oven so MinYing told them to bring a cold one, A little while later the same beer was returned with a glass of ice so i told them what to do with the ice and beer, The meal arrived and MinYing,s steak was good but my meal was nothing like the picture, It was 99% bone and the other 1% gravy so i protested again and got up and left after voicing our opinion of their service and quality of food, We travelled to another restaurant and the meal was only 50% bone this time and i just had to laugh and bear it, MinYing was relieved that i did see the funny side of it this time.
The next morning we decided to go to West lake,,Hmmm, Say no more, MinYing was not to impressed either, Maybe we were both still a little upset at the night before, Anyway we decided to go for a meal as we did not have breakfast so we got a taxi,,,97 rmb later we arrived at a restaurant, We passed thirty on the way to this one, MinYing chucked a wobbly in the taxi to my surprise and then we arrived at a restaurant to eat, I was un-impressed with the place and the food so we went over the road and found a good one to eat,
We got a cab back to West-lake and the fare was only 38 rmb,,,Who was ripped off???,, we walked for a while and decided to go to a shopping mall to look at electronics and clothes, we asked a cab driver to take us to a big mall and he took us to the most expensive silk clothing shop on earth,, we caught another cab and he took us to a big mall which closed as soon as we got from the cab,,Last straw, We walked to the train station and brought tickets to Shanghai and left the next morning, We could not get out of Hangzhou fast enough,,So instead of five nights we stayed for a little over 24 hours, We are now here and happy so far, Just four or five nights then off to Handan for the remainder of my trip, MinYing is having a fantastic time travelling and has taken about 500 pictures so far, Our relationship has strengthened even more now and she never lets me out of her sight and is always reaching for me in public, Still a little shy for a kiss in the street but steals one when no one is looking, She is still like an octopus at night with arms and legs all over me and if i move it only tightens her grip on me, Sometimes she is like a school girl  with her playful moods and other times she can be serious, She gives me "what for" sometimes and stands for no shit from anyone, I like this in her very much, Shopping is always fun with her and she always gets her price and saves us a bundle, The cases are getting heavy and i can not wait to unload the family gifts in Handan, I have grown fond of the Chinese whiskey but it will be a habit i will be happy to break when i return home, Anyway guys and girls, Bye for now and i will update later.             
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on May 30, 2011, 06:38:05 am
Shaun, I dont know why it is but every time i see your posts now i think of those testicals,, ;D
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on May 30, 2011, 08:36:39 pm
John .. John , I can only tell you two .. you don't know what you missed in Hangzhou . The Bicycle Ride around the Lake alone , there are many Parks so wonderful ( I have yet to see one like this in the entire US ) and the Temples . Most of all up the mountain to the old Tea Village is worth the trip alone to Hangzhou .
Anyway , your together with your Wife and that is most important and enjoying yourselves either way . Hope you like Shanghai , I would move there in Second if I had a Job there .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: lfputman3 on May 31, 2011, 11:56:20 am
Have fun in Shanghai, sorry about the misadventures in Hangzhou. Every town has it's bad days, but then I'm from Michigan and we have Detroit

In the army, first time in Seoul was good, second trip to Seoul sucked, well you can guess and the final trip was on my way home. One day I hope to visit again, not as an American servicemen, but as a plain old tourist.

Maybe some day in the future you can go back to Hangzhuo and it will be a good experience.

Lloyd
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: halfpint on June 02, 2011, 02:05:32 am
Too bad your trip to Hangzhou didnt go better.  I spent a couple of days there in November and really enjoyed it.  Hopefully you will enjoy Shanghai, I did.  4 more weeks and i get to go back!
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on June 03, 2011, 11:44:16 am
Ni hao from Handan.
Hey guys and girls, Well our time in Shanghai was fantastic, The hotel not the best but what the hell, We spent a few days shopping for clothes,,Yeh i know, IM OWNED,  ;D, Doesn't matter as it was for family and me {mostly}, :D, MinYing tried on some dresses a little shorter than usual but i liked them very much so we brought them, We went to buy some t,shirts for me but had trouble with my size as i am a little bigger  ;) than a Chinese man,
We found a guy, Or should i say he found us, Anyway the t,shirts were the perfect size and  i was happy to pay the price, 200rmb each,,MinYing started to talk so fast and grabbed me and we left the store, Shop keeper chasing us for 100 meters,Then MinYing stopped and winked at me, We turned back and we paid the price of 50rmb each, I try to keep a straight face when this happens but i have trouble doing so,
As we were leaving we was walking down the stairs and i got a tap on the shoulder from the shop keepers friend and he in English, asked me if i was (fuc**ng)  her,,,, This did not go down to well with me,, I stopped and told this guy that we were married and from the rage in my face he backed off quickly and apologised, I left it at that as we get many looks and people and wonder why a Chinese woman is with a western man and i can imagine what they are thinking.
We had a great time in Shanghai and the food was great, I found out that the food at the little (out of the way places) were the best, We had lunch at the Pearl tower,,WOW, what an experience, Something like 257 meters above ground and a glass floor as well ,MinYing had trouble to stand on it at first but the fear sub-sided soon , She loved the place so much so we had dinner there again last night, What a beautiful view of Shanghai, The food was great even though my wife was complaining about the price,,298rmb each,,,wth ???
I explained to her that when we are together that the cost (so minor) was not a problem as i want her to enjoy herself as she never had the experience before we were together,  She still protested under her breath but accepted my explanation.
My wife had never seen the ocean until we visited an island some distance from Suzhou and she has never flown in a plane before so i booked a flight from Shanghai to Handan, I could feel her grip on my arm strengthen when we accelerated for take off and to see her face when she could see land from one window and sky from the other side of the plane was priceless,,WOW was what i heard from her,,Like a child , She has not had to many "memorable" experiences in her life and has enjoyed every moment of the last two weeks,
She still asks me if i will love her for ever, She is the most affectionate woman i have ever known and it seems to me that her mission in life is to make me happy, This is my third trip to China in eight months , I have nine days left here, I do not want to leave, MinYing has already cried tears of sorrow of my soon departure, Why does it get harder each time ?, Bye guys and girls.   
 
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: lfputman3 on June 03, 2011, 11:52:35 am
While in Handan, I noticed that those "Zhao" women are merciless against merchants, even their own shops in Handan. They protest anything that costs more than it does in Handan, which means anywhere but Handan is outrageous in price, but they still enjoy when you spend the money.

I believe she has got you completely wrapped around that little finger of hers and who cares, you are happy and that is what is important.

Enjoy the rest of the trip.

Lloyd
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on June 03, 2011, 12:16:07 pm
John wrapping us around their little finger is in the top 10 of things they do best.  taking care of their husband has to be number one and I let ya'll figure out the rest.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Neil on June 03, 2011, 06:31:41 pm
I am not good with heights, but I really want to visit that tower in Shanghai.  Thanks for sharing that terrifying picture.  I hope I get to bring my wife there some day.

Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on June 03, 2011, 07:35:18 pm
Hey Lloyd, Yes she has me wrapped around her finger but i love every minute of it , Shaun, You are right about them taking car of their husbands as number 1 , Never before have i had a wonderful lady do so much for me and expect nothing in return, Neil, Take your wife to the tower in Shanghai it is a great way to spend a few hours and the view at night time of Shanghai is fantastic.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: maxx on June 03, 2011, 08:20:58 pm
John good update.Don't take the name calling to series.Somebody taught that poor schmuck to say that.He probably had no idea what it meant.I had a guy in Zhuhai call me a capitalist.I said ok.whats your point.He just stared at me.I told my wife to ask the man if he knew what the words meant.He told my wife he didn't.He had herd the word on the news.And new that it had something to do with America.

The more trips you make to China.The more your going to run into this.My wife has ben called everything from a Translator to a hooker.The guy who called her a hooker jumped off the bus and ran into the crowed. before I could catch him.After a while you get to where you just ignore these kind of people.You realize why ruin your day.Over some ignorant person.And you realize your time together with your wife is so short.And it isn't worth wasting the time thinking about it.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on June 04, 2011, 07:16:11 am
thanks guys, Max this guy knew what he ment when he put one finger between his thumb and index finger on his other hand, Any way all water under the bridge now and i am just going to enjoy my time here with my wife ,,,MinYing and John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on June 05, 2011, 09:38:41 am
Greetings from Handan, How time flies when you are with the love of your life, Only a week to go now and back home to oz.
Tomorrow MinYing,s older brother is coming to collect us and take us to the family home to stay the night and sample the many tastes of home cooking,
How do these people eat so much ?????, I am not a small man but i can not put away as much food as these tiny people, I must say that i really enjoyed the Donkey burger, So much that i have had three in two days, They taste a little like corned beef but just a little saltier,
We have so many gifts for the family it,s not funny, I nearly lost the twelve year old bottle of whiskey for the father at Shanghai airport as the customs would not let me take it on the plane, I caused a scene and security came from every where but i was lucky that one of them could speak very good English and pulled me aside and told me to buy a box for the gift and have it sent with the stowed luggage or the other security guards would confiscate it and drink it, I was not going to let them have it under no circumstances,  ;)
Today we had MinYings computer re configured for Chinese language, An hour and a half,s work,,,50 rmb?????, Wow, Any way she is happy and cant wait to show her family all the pictures we have taken together, The camera that i brought her back in September has had a good work out over the last eight months, She has filled up two memory cards and now all down loaded on the computer and freed up the cards but she keeps taking more and more pictures, She is a country girl who has not had to much interaction with technology and is learning so fast , We also brought a better pocket translator today which can talk back in English so she is here right now nagging me with every day questions in English, Im loving every minute  ;D
Got some papers back from the notary office yesterday for the visa and they have been translated wrong, According to the office her ex-husband was FEMALE ;D and the address was wrong for the police clearence :(   The office is closed till Tuesday so we must wait, Not going to let this get me down though as it can be fixed,,

Met an American here who came to meet a lady from Chnlove after three months of emf,s and they have hit it off great together, We had breakfast together for the last two mornings and he will return in July to marry her, He told me that he wrote many ladys before and this is the firs one he met and she too has met only him so i wish them both good luck together, Of course i have put him on to this web site as the "brotherhood" is a wealth of knowledge and a great help in times of need .
MinYing is getting really pissed at the attention i am getting from other women, I have not noticed it myself as i do not pay attention but she grabs me and we are off in the other direction really quickly, I notice more at the attention she gets from other men when she dresses well and her friends comment how good she looks too, It is really a good feeling that your love wants to look her best when you are both together, I was told that she does not look after herself so well when i am not there with her, Still eats like a horse though,  ;D
Anyway, i love her to bits and will continue to do so , Bye for now guys and girls, ,MinYing and John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: lfputman3 on June 07, 2011, 11:30:21 pm
good luck, I have received some word about the other yank visiting town, she called him old. but everyone once in a while, she calls me old, just to be a smart @ss.

Actually at the moment we're having a chat and "I'm old" it's ok, I can deal, she'll be old soon enough and I'll probably keep her around anyway.

I think donkey burger might be on the menu for me on my next trip, I remember thinking on the train, "man, they have a lot of donkey around this area!" then after I returned home I found out about that sausage I enjoyed... oh well, it was not dog, she will not go there and I did so before. I think my dog would be right upset with me now. She keeps talking about silkworms though....

and you are right, the Chinese can pack away the food, yet I dropped 2.5 kilos last time I was there (yes fellow yanks, the accountant does speak metric) one of my friends here attributes it to the lack of "stuff" added to Chinese food, they have MSG, we have MSG, autolyzed this, hydrogenated whatsit and you can guess the rest of it.

Anyway, enjoy the rest of your trip, look forward to your next installment

Lloyd
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on June 08, 2011, 07:10:11 pm
I'm not really sure how you convert beans into kilo's?????
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Clayton on June 09, 2011, 02:54:15 am
Well, I just finished reading all 15 pages of John's post, bloody hell, what an emotional roller coaster ride,John, you had me laughing, almost crying, I was sad ,I was angry and I was happy, I think that covers them all,haha.  Just about everything you have been through I have experienced too so though i am not usually a reader ,I red with interest every page,not only of your experiences but the advice you received along the way and I found out a few things as well ,like why my wife does not wear her ring, i could never really get a straight answer out of her when i ask ,where's your ring. You ,like everyone else here ,are learning patience, It didn't take me long to work out that if you are not a patient man then looking for a wife in China is a waste of time for you, for two reasons,translating when chatting to your woman, and the immigration process.  I met my now wife on Chnlove site, Feb 11 2009 , first visit April second visit September when we were engaged and after a failed visa application returned March this year and were married and now about to lodge the second visa application.   Mostly wile reading your story i had a huge smile on my face, It seams like most blokes here have the same experiences, like clothes shopping for instance, I've never enjoyed that before, except with my 16 year old daughter, we have fun shopping, and it's funny the different levels of tradition , i suppose it's the same in every culture but i was really surprised with my wife when i first met her she walked up to me and shook my hand as if she had never herd of me before.  Now this is how it can be confusing, in our letters to each other, not just letters, they were love letters, she said how she was going to run into my arms and give me a big hug, sounded good to me, so i was taken back when it didn't happen, the translator we had hired told me later, because i asked her why won't  Yan hold my hand or arm, she told me that Yan is very traditional lady and to do so in public would be shameful.  OK so i put my pride to one side and changed my way of thinking and made like we had only just been introduced and no letters had transpired, this was a good thing , it allowed us to get to know each other and slowly she came around to a little hug hello and goodbye each day. So the traditional Chinese woman will show no affection in public, bugga, disappointment, but I'm glad i hung in there because slowly she has done a complete 180 and like your wife John when she thinks no one is looking she will sneak a little kiss or a hug or both. That brings me to the next unusuality, the firs time i kissed Yan it was like kissing a rock haha  to cut a long story short, when i questioned her about it she said at an early age they were taught that kissing was unhygienic, I'm finding little differences  like this all the time , it's fascinating and fun teaching her new things witch she is more than willing to take on board. So this is why i read these posts with great interests, i see many similarities here to my new life and just wanted to say good on ya John and thanks to all the advisers here, I'm just one of the many here that take in the advice given here and say nothing, well i thought it was about time to say thanks
Cheers Leeroy
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on June 09, 2011, 07:31:43 am
Gee Leeroy, we could all collectively write a book and have the same story.  Almost.  Yours sounds just like mine.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Clayton on June 09, 2011, 08:20:52 am
Yeh Shaun, I wish i was a better writer and kept a gernal on this massive adventure, it would sure make interesting reading for future generations. I find the hole culture difference fascinating, it wasn't until i worked in central Australia and learned about the true Aboriginal culture that i became interested and took notice of other cultures.  Now having been to China three times and married a local I completely accept her customs and she is slowly learning ours, and here is what gets me, she is eager to make huge changes in her life just to please me, I've never had that before, so when it comes to me doing something for her i will only be too pleased to.  Actually it would be nice to hear a few stories about wives that have been in there new countries for a while, now that the dust has settled, how are they coping and so on, I live in country OZ and it is going to be a massive change for Yan, she lives and works in Shenzhen ,and here, there are only six houses in a group  'can't call it a town'  8 Ks from our nearest town of 1000 people, you recon she's guna notice a difference? haha.  I've sent her photos of the district and the house and she says she's looking for the quiet life and i think the idea of breathing clean air appeals to her. I've told her that I'll take her to our state capital Adelaide regularly. like once every two weeks to shop for food we can't get here and to visit China town . I have a niece who's got a Chinese boyfriend and they both speak mandarin , there's our translators, and with cheap phone calls and QQ to keep in touch with her friends and family I hope I've got it covered. But it would be an advantage to hear of some of the pit fulls so we may avoid them.   Cheers Leeroy
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on June 09, 2011, 08:26:20 am
Well guys and girls the three weeks with my wife have almost finished, We have had a bit of a roller-coaster ride with getting the documents corrected in time but today we obtained the last one and it has been translated and notarized, MinYing was a bag of nerves for this last piece of information as the notoriety office here in Handan would not do this service with out the ex-husbands i.d. card,,, she,s bloody divorced for gods sake, Any way, An early trip to Shijiazhuang notoriety office fixed all, Wow i was happy for the kisses in public when MinYing had the document in her hand  ;D
Off to out door dinner and a few gallons of beer tonight with friends, Its like Oktoberfest here, They deliver the beer to the table in about gallon pots with a tap and serve your self, The food is all bbq,d and delicious .
Dinner with the family was different, Wow they can eat, The father poured small glasses of Chinese whiskey for the older brother and himself and a huge cup for me  ???, Any way i managed to get through that one after some trouble and then he emptied the bottle in to my cup, :P, Ate so much and fell asleep, Later i was dragged off to look around the home town with my new niece and nephew's, Great kids and we got on great, 98 photographs later i slept again, This whiskey knocks me out.

Hey Clayton, I can read many similarities in your post compared to mine too, I like it when my wife steals a kiss, More surprised than anything but love it all the same, You are right about all the great advice too, Like me, Keep reading and keep learning, And keep posting too  :) bye for now MinYing and John. 
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Bee964 on June 09, 2011, 11:42:35 am
John,

I am trying to catch-up on all of your posts. I have not been on here much due to family issues. I am glad to see you are getting things done there to bring your wife home with you sometime in the near future. I am looking at going back to china in september, I hope. I miss my lady very much.

Dave C
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Rhonald on June 09, 2011, 11:58:54 am
I am looking at going back to china in september, I hope. I miss my lady very much.

Dave C

Nice to have you back Dave, and I too hope to return late September.
Clayton I also see similarities between our stories as both of us have married ladies with the name of Yan that live and work in Shenzhen. Don't worry I double checked your profile picture and the only similarities between our ladies are that they are Chinese and beautiful, we did not marry the same woman  ;D
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Clayton on June 09, 2011, 08:06:03 pm
Thanks Rhonald ' Feeeeew'
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on June 12, 2011, 05:07:52 pm
im home and my heart is still in china,,,every time we part it gets harder,,,,i thought myself to b a strong man but i am so wrong,   Gerry, i a wish to be in your shoes to be with your sweet heart until the pr visa is granted but i can not be.
it is nearly 5am and i have not slept for 24 hrs, I left MinYing at Beijing airport and the pain of leaving her get,s stronger every time we part.
Why did i decide to find a wife from China ????, Wasn't meant to be,,Just happened.
Life throws many challenges at us and we decide what road to take, My road is clear,, MinYing is my future and my destiny.
I hope to be once again with my sweetheart within two months , Keep you posted, MinYing and John.
 
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on June 12, 2011, 05:28:50 pm
Thank you John , it was very nice to follow your Visit with your LaoPo . Two months .. that's not much ! Now , just mark that on the Calendar when you're going again and look at it daily as you count down the Painful days . Try Feb. to Sept. waiting , then .. I can feel your Pain . So don't  :'( and embarrass our Forum  8)
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: halfpint on June 12, 2011, 08:28:58 pm
John it has been a pleasure reading about your journey.  We all seem to have some similarities in our experiences and our feelings.  In a couple of weeks I get to go back to China for a 3 week visit.  One trip ends another trip starts it seems.  I'm glad its been such a good experience for you and hope it continues to be so.  I remember when my girlfriend left in mid February and went back to China after a 3 week visit here.  It was very lonely...still is.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on June 13, 2011, 03:18:16 am
Ok guys, Time to tell you what's on my mind, MinYing had the health check for the visa, She failed the blood urine check,, We went back three weeks later and she still showed blood in her urine, The doctor told us that it shows there could be a kidney problem, I have not slept for three days with worry for my wife.
The first test was taken and that day she started her monthly cycle, The second was taken three weeks later and still showed blood but at a much lower level, The doctor told us that it could be because she was soon to start the cycle again but she will return a week after the dreaded cycle has finished.
I am beside myself with worry at this moment for my wife's health, Not for the visa but for her , The last few nights i just watched her sleep but did not tell her what was on my mind, Of course she knows something is worrying me i just told her i could not sleep as it was our last few nights together.
At this moment i have not told my family as it is not fair on them to worry too.
I am here with fingers crossed that it is nothing to be concerned about  but you must know i am sick with worry, I am waiting for good news that relieve my tention.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on June 13, 2011, 06:05:57 am
John

I know you are worried about your LP....and of course you should be.

But let me assure you that no Western Doctor would consider the Urine/Blood results for a woman within plus or minus 5 days of menstruation as relaible.

The levels they test for in this medical are about 1 or 2 parts per million...and this is so easily influenced by menstruation that it can never be reliable....the Doc doning the test should have known that and acted accordingly with a postponement.

Western Medicine would require that this test is performed in the middle of the cycle...plus or minus 5 days to remove the variable.

There are also many minor issues that can cause a reading...a kidney infection (low grade) or a small kidney stone...relatively common.

Best get it checked before you do the medical again...then you can both have peace of mind

Chin up.....it dont have to be all bad...... :)

David
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on June 13, 2011, 06:58:47 am
John,

I think her doctor should have given her a round of antibiotics just to make sure it wasn't an infection of some kind.  People don't realize how much a small infection can affect our vitals.  It can raise the blood pressure, quicken the heart beat, and respiration also.  I mean I'm not a doctor but having grown up with 1 sister and 3 step sisters I can tell you the blood in the urine can be a very minor problem too.

You know you don't really need to worry about things being a major until they become a major issue.  There is plenty of time to worry then about that.  Right now is the time for logic and simple solutions.  If you are all pent up with worry the sometimes you can't see the simple solution right in front of you.

I am saying this as kindly as I can but stop waiting for the other foot to fall.  There really isn't someone out there trying to muck up your life, to rob you of your happiness.   Tomorrow will take care of itself, right now you need to take care of yourself for her and get rest.  She is looking for you to take the lead in all of this and how can you do that if you are not taking care of your most basic need.


John, I hope you know that MinYing and you have my prayers and best wishes for a good report and not problems.  I'll continue to pray for the two of you.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on June 13, 2011, 06:00:37 pm
Sorry John about my last Post ( the last sentence ) , I did not know . I sure hope MinYing has nothing as serious as that Doc suspects she has . It's aweful to have your LaoPo sick and to be thousand's of miles apart is almost unbearable . A Prayer goes out to both of you .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on June 14, 2011, 02:16:19 am
Hey Arnold, do not be sorry for your sentence in your last post, I was not offended at all, I was not trying to embarrass the forum, If it seemed that way to anyone then i do apologise, As you and all others here know it is painful to wait and again see your loved one so far away,
February to September, I feel for you, I could not wait that long, I have been lucky to be with my loved one three times in the last eight months, Financially it is a bit of a strain but i spend money no where else but on my children, They do not ask for anything, I have no bad habits to support.
I am planning a surprise visit to my wife in around two months for nine days, but as we all know sometimes a spanner gets thrown in to the works and something gets stuffed up, As for my wife i thank you for your prayer and others for their support too.
As of yet, I have not had the luxury of seeing my wife on qq or Skype over the last year or so as she has not had the luxury of a computer until now so our only contact has been through e,mails and phone calls but i am sure that now the waiting will be less painful when i see her face on the web cam,
Again if i offended you or anyone else then i do apologise for my post,,,John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on June 14, 2011, 02:42:09 am
Apologise for your Post ??? I only addressed the Crying part of your Post and to be humorous , mentioned not to embarrass our Forum . I was only kidding John , while not knowing about your Wife's problem .. which of course I wish ( we all do ) there is Not .

It's great to see you now using Webcam/Skype or QQ , I did not have that option back when .. I just started to learn how to work my PC from scratch .. haha .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on June 25, 2011, 05:54:21 am
Tonight i am the happiest man alive, MinYing and myself went on QQinternational and saw each-other on web cam for the first time  ;D , Even though it took many attempts and a few changes of e,mail addresses we was successful, It was so good to see the happiness in her face again , The family computer has no microphone so it was just typing in Chinglish,  Can anyone tell me if there is any translation on QQ?, if so then how do i make it work?, If not that is ok as it is good for her to practice her English and me to improve my pin yin, cheers guys and girls,,MinYing and John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Scottish_Robbie on June 25, 2011, 06:05:02 am
Tonight i am the happiest man alive, MinYing and myself went on QQinternational and saw each-other on web cam for the first time  ;D , Even though it took many attempts and a few changes of e,mail addresses we was successful, It was so good to see the happiness in her face again , The family computer has no microphone so it was just typing in Chinglish,  Can anyone tell me if there is any translation on QQ?, if so then how do i make it work?, If not that is ok as it is good for her to practice her English and me to improve my pin yin, cheers guys and girls,,MinYing and John.

at the bottom of page while typing to people, there is a translate button...I think thats the ojne to use..and congrats...hehe She can do same with messages to you john.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Clayton on June 25, 2011, 08:31:16 am
John good on you, you won't regret getting QQ, Robbie is right , the translate button activates the translation but  it does not back translate .  If you download QQ translator from your browser address below it will back translate witch means you translate from English to Mandarin and back to English again, Now anyone who has tried to translate will tell you that not all translations work, in fact some are nothing like what you type so that is why a back translator is so good, you can correct any mistakes before you send.  For anyone who doesn't know how it works I'll explain.  Type in your message in the QQ translator , correcting if necessary and when it's good to go copy it and past it on the QQ chat message page and send. I know this sound complicated but once you have done it a few times it's a breeze.
Some times the translation process is bloody frustrating , you can't seem to find the right words to say what you want but believe me it's better to persist than to send a load of garbage that she does not understand.  I find when the sentence won't come out the way i want I break it up with a comm er here and there , sometimes i have to put a comm er after each word, It's just something you need to play around  and eventually you will succeed and in no time you won't need any other translation help.
Good luck with it all
Cheers  Leeroy
http://qq.bur.st/qqtranslator.php (http://qq.bur.st/qqtranslator.php)
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on June 25, 2011, 12:29:11 pm
thanks guys, so far we have not used the translator as my pin yin and her English is getting better,,nearly 2 hours tonight and she was so happy and i was too, the smiles from her were wonderful, she could hear me as her family computer has speakers but  no microphone but this was no problem,,
I love technology of today and it makes the loneliness so much easier to bear with.
All day long i have had a smile on my ugly mug and i sleep with knowing my bride is so happy too.
Monday MinYing is off to Beijing with ma ma for the blood /urine test and hopefully she will pass, fingers crossed, One step closer to our happiness,
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on June 25, 2011, 12:42:46 pm
One step closer to our happiness,

Wonderful John , as long as the Steps are forward .. you'll be soon at the " Station " of happiness . Best of Luck on the upcoming Test for MinYing .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on June 25, 2011, 07:03:17 pm
John I know you are happy and we are happy for the two of you.  Good luck with the blood tests.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on June 27, 2011, 10:30:27 pm
10.30. am and MinYing just messaged me that she passed the blood/urine test, :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Rhonald on June 27, 2011, 11:52:12 pm
:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)


Ah John...... Um........does this mean your happy?  ???
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on June 28, 2011, 02:28:12 am
That is good news John , regards Sujuan and Robert .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on June 28, 2011, 06:18:55 am
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D back at you.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Bee964 on June 28, 2011, 11:42:04 am
Congratulations John and MinYing. I hope that this means you two will be together soon. I'll add some smileys too.....
  8):) ;) :) ;) :) ;) :) ;) :) ;) ;) :) ;) :) ;) :) ;) :) ;) :) ;) :) ;) :) ;) ;) :) ;) :) ;) :) ;) :) ;) :) ;) :) ;) :) ;)  :) ;) :) ;) :) ;) :) ;) :) ;) :) ;)8)

Dave C
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: joeswuhandream on June 28, 2011, 05:46:14 pm
great news John ,  a step futher to living your life in total bliss .
regards joey+Sophia
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: lfputman3 on June 30, 2011, 12:11:11 am
great news, congratulations John, a little good news and some happiness go along way. good luck on your upcoming surprise trip and I know I'm late saying it, but congratulations on finally getting onto qq, it's so much better than relying on someone else.

I'm kinda skipping the pinyin myself, I'm getting better at speaking, she still stops me mid-sentence when we're chatting to correct me at times. mom came by last night and made comments about how unfair it is that she can't eavesdrop when we are chatting.

Lloyd
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on July 12, 2011, 01:38:23 am
Hi guys and girls, Well as we speak my wife's visa application 309 is on its way to Shanghai, The t,s are crossed and the i,s are dotted, Now just wait,
MinYing has been learning in leaps and bounds and can ever re sight the day i was divorced ( i do not even remember this date), She remembers all the children's names, even middle names , ages and their hobbies, QQ, What can i say, Every time i turn on my lap top there is a message waiting for me and on the weekends she is waiting for me even without knowing that i was going to be on the computer, We speak for 2-3 hours every evening when she is home and when she is at the family home thee whole family  get in on the act.
About 15 days on QQ so far and already 155  pages of previous conversation has been recorded, I wish i had brought the computer for her back in  December, Never mind,Today is here and we are in daily contact, Midnight last night we finally said our good byes for the evening and i am looking forward to tonight,s conversation, There is a constant smile on her face when we speak and it is also a great way for her to improve her English and my Chinese too.
It is hard sometimes to have time alone with her as the girls in her apartment also want to come and say hello and practice a little English too but they are most welcome as they are all lovely people who i have shared many meals with before.
At this moment MinYing is hell bent on loosing weight , Even though she looks great to me she wont listen and has only minor meals compared to the 3 or 4 that she can usually devour with no problem.
Well time for me to finish the house work and get ready for tonight,s QQ Session which i am very looking forward too, Not so lonely now and my kids also love seeing her each night, Bye for now,,, MinYing and John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Peter Arnold on July 12, 2011, 03:21:53 am
Hey John, sounds like you are going well with the whole process and you have a great woman.
Can you tell me how I can record and keep the QQ conversations. I only know how to take photos.
That fee for the 309 sounds pretty steep! What can do?
Thanks John
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Jason B on July 12, 2011, 05:10:28 am
Can you tell me how I can record and keep the QQ conversations.

Pete, QQ automatically keeps the records, to view just go to message history and all the pages will be there.

John, good luck with the paperwork, even a list of names printed out will help when the consulate calls for the phone interview to have handy so not to get flustered with all the questions.  Keep us posted on how every thing develops.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on July 28, 2011, 04:00:58 am
The visa was lodged in Shanghai and we got a response the following day for more information, Just a stat dec from two of my wife's friends as to say they have been aware of the continuing relationship and some more photos of spending time with them which i have plenty of, A request for the best address to forward her passport and any relevant documents too and a request for my latest tax return , The lawyer tells me this is a good sign as we sent many pages of documents and copies of every receipt that we had kept form day 1,
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Jason B on July 28, 2011, 03:23:59 pm
Good luck John, hopefully everything is going ahead fine this time.  Hopefully this request for further infomation will not delay your application proceeding.  I have to wonder though, your lawyer is saying that this is a good sign that they are asking for these documents and it probably is, but when we put in the application all of those documents you mentioned were required to be submitted at the time of application and the person who recieved the application checked to make sure they were there.  The address for the return of the passport was filled out on a return envelope via a Chinese mail company by the person who accepted the application in Guangzhou, she just asked Xia for the infomation and filled it in and put it in with the rest of the documentation in the file.  Then once all was complete hey presto her passport arrived with the visa inside!  Maybe different for different areas in China but I would have thought that they had one practice for all offices, but then again I maybe using logic........
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Pineau on July 28, 2011, 07:32:15 pm
Peter,
If your talking about just the text message conversations in QQ no problem. I hope you are not atlking about the audio conversations.

The QQ text conversations are recorded automatically. There is an Icon at the bottom of the IM control pannel. called message manager.  It looks like a speaker. click on it.

It will open a window showing you all your contacts. 
Click on the contact whose messages you want to export. This is done in the left window pane NOT THE RIGHT ONE.  If you use the right one you will get all messages from all contacts.

THIS IS IMPORTANT. There is a button called import & export. DON'T CLICK IT.  CLICK THE PULLDOWN ARROW BESIDE IT.
Now you have a new window and dialogue that allows you to slect the file destination and change its name.

There is a pull down menu called Save as type.  Select text or webpage.  I like webpage because it looks pretty and you can open it with your browser. 
Now with MS Word or explorer 8, you can export it to a pdf file and it looks great.  And you can print a good looking PDF.

Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on August 15, 2011, 01:52:42 am
Hi guys and girls, Got an e,mail from my brother-in-law in China, It turns out that back in May last year my wife told her family that she had me a westerner on-line and she had grown quite fond of him, (me of course), Anyway, The whole family told her to sever contact with me as they dead against their daughter being taken by the lies of a bad westerner, I guess that they had heard many bad stories about us round eyes, She put the family at ease and told them all that she would never contact me again.
She had never told me of their concerns and secretly kept in daily contact with me and our relationship blossomed to what it is today, It was after a few days together in Beijing when her father called her to find out that she secretly met me against their knowledge and he was furious with her and ordered her back home, Last night i asked her why she went against the family wishes and her answer was that she did not want to loose me at any cost.
The email from the brother also stated that after we first met and she returned home the whole family could see a change in her happiness and she became a lot more communicative with the whole family, She would talk about me to them every day and show them the letters that i would send her and also show them the many daily text messages too, It was after reading these that the family could see that i was genuinely in love with MinYing and they wanted to meet with me.
The letter also read that they were very touched about the way i treat her as in opening doors for her and seating her at the table first and also taking her to many parts of China as she always wanted to travel but her ex-husband would refuse to take her anywhere,
They are even surprised at the amount of affection she shows to me as we all know that Chinese women are not ones to show much affection to their partners when in public or even when family are present.
Here we are now mid August and we have been on QQ every day for the last seven weeks or so for about 3 hours each day and sometimes when she is not working we spend seven or eight hours daily, We have nearly nine hundred pages of recorded conversation so far, Daily contact is great and not so lonely any-more, My children are only too eager to get in on the conversations every day and my wife's friends often  come to her apartment to say hello to me also, I even found out that her two best friends were totally against her to have a relationship with the (bad westerner), Now their attitudes have turned around and looking forward to my return, One of her best friends is to be married on 10-09 this year and has invited me to her wedding, So here goes trip number four, I have booked my flight and will join my wife on the ninth of September until the eighteenth.
The friends and especially the family are eager for me to return and the family have insisted that we stay in the family home again, (time to gain weight again).
The visa is under way and the case officer has asked for a little more proof of daily contact in the form of emails and QQ chat which is on its way to Shanghai now, I sent about 200 emails and around 140 pages of QQ chat records and my two latest phone bills with proof of the daily "good morning"   phone calls and records of the 500 or so text messages from the last two months, ( i know i sound a bit obsessive with the phone calls and texts but wtf), Any way she is excited about my return as i am too so Handan here i come again, Lloyd (ifputman3) will be in Handan at the same time and we are hoping to meet up at restaurant or something and chew the fat so to speak.
Friday is the day that she takes her two sons to Beijing for their "non migrating " medicals and then my Immigration lawyer tells me that the next step will be the interview, Trip number five is is to take place on the twenty second of December for a month and fingers crossed i will be able to bring my bride home with me but i will not hold my breath, I will depart Beijing on the 18th of September which is one year to the exact date i first put my feet on Chinese soil, This last year has flown by, It seems like yesterday that i first met MinYing in Beijing and every day together is still so fresh in my memory, The first time i saw her face, The first touch, The first kiss, The first time i heard her laugh.
Gerry, Yes the heavy dose of endorphins have kicked in again ,he he, Well guys i have to close now because someone has just come on line to QQ chat from her mobile phone, She checks to see if i am on-line every-time she has a quiet time at work, Her message is , lao gong, wo deng ni .
buy guys and girls,,MinYing and John .   

 
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Pineau on August 15, 2011, 04:29:19 am
Just looking at old mail or photos and listening to the right music can overcome you with a heavy dose of drugs. Aint it great? I love endorphins.

Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on August 15, 2011, 07:33:25 am
I think i have overdosed, No saving me now  :o
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: lfputman3 on August 15, 2011, 10:50:07 pm
really, I admit, I am jealous as hell, because I have to get her past the friends who refuse to meet me and swear up and down she will be miserable with me. I know that in the end, it will be worth it.

I just wish she had more family I could sway... damn one child laws...

Lloyd
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on August 16, 2011, 02:43:21 am
One child laws ,???  my wife has a brother,, he has three children,,,, my wife has two children..
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Neil on August 16, 2011, 02:54:56 am
my wife has 4 older brothers and an older sister - some of them have 2 children.  There are exceptions to the one child policy, but I think they are a lot stricter in the bigger cities. 
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on August 16, 2011, 02:58:35 am
Lotsa of family now are growing up and having a couple of kids at least. The one child law still exists but frankly it is not rigouriously enforced now.

I know many women who hide their children when the officials do the rounds.  I am told that when it is time for kids to go to school a few rmb paves the way for childrens records to start from then.

Also an exception to the one child rule is that an only child who marries another only child is permitted to have two children.

Of course in the rural communitiues there are no such regularions as new workers are needed to work the fields and older children can do this.

Some kids do get shoffled around from Province to Province for school, depending on where Grandparents are,  often growing up apart from their parents.

Willy
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on August 17, 2011, 06:05:21 am
Hi guys and girls,,, Last night was a sleepless night for me,  MinYing and I had our usual nightly QQ chat , The conversation was good and as always  my children come to say hello to her, She is so happy to see them every time when we are on-line,  After an hour or so the subject turned to sex, This is not a subject that my wife and i talk about too often as she is very shy and withdrawn about this subject,  It turns out that i am her second sexual partner, I could see a change in her as we continued this conversation , She finally opened up and told me that she never enjoyed sex with her ex-husband,
We talked a little more and then i could see the tears well in her eyes,  It turns out that this BASTARD constantly RAPED her for years, No matter how much she protested or tried to fight him off he would have his way with her, She would cry un-controllably afterwards but he would sleep with a clear concence , She stayed in the relationship for fear of her life and her sons, He would not only RAPE her but beat her too, It was only back in June this year that i noticed she had about Eight false teeth, I questioned her about this and she told me that her ex-husband punched her in the face and knocked them all out ,  After so many years of abuse she finally left him as she had enough and really was not worried if she lived or died.

After the divorce back in early 2009, she never saw him again , She has to see her sons rather covertly as he will not allow her to do so, It is breaking her heart to have limited access to them .
What can i do,?? I hope for his sake i never see him, My hatred for him is so strong, If i see him I will take his life, I must be strong otherwise i will spend the rest of my life in a Chinese prison. JOHN.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on August 17, 2011, 09:45:55 am
John, I know exactly how you feel.  And I mean exactly.   A wise man once told me that mercy was a greater punishment than justice.  Also, your mission in life is to show your wife what a real man is like.

I hope you understand the significance of what happened with that conversation.  What has happened to her isn't the significant issue here.  The fact that she was brave enough to open up and tell you is.  The key issue isn't what he did, it is how she feels.  That should be the only thing you focus on; her.  In this situation you should sympathize with her; be a comfort to her; be supportive of her; and do things for her to show her that you find great value in her regardless of what has happened.  I know you already know much of what I have said to you but you need to know that this will, more than likely, come up again.

John the fact that she shared this with you tells me that she places great trust in you.  For that one simple fact I say good job.

Shaun
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Pineau on August 17, 2011, 09:47:02 am
Damn John.
please don't go there. Don't even think about it. You will destroy your life as well as hers. You two are so happy together.

I could give you a long lecture about hatred and forgiveness and moving on but I think you already know I am right. What's done is done to dwell on it will make you sick physically and mentally.

The best thing you can do now is to take her away and comfort her. Try to help her heal and forget. Look forward not back. So just let it go and enjoy your new life together.

Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on August 17, 2011, 11:26:42 am
I totally agree with Shaun and Gerry , let it go . I've had to deal with this Ex-Bastard thing with my first marriage .. but I could and wouldn't do that to her kids sake . So I sucked it up .
For her to open up to you and tell you this is really showing how much she loves you , as Qing has just last week had done .. tell me about the Abortion she had had way back in the Tokyo day's . Her Mom and Dad don't even know about that one .
You need to love and cherish you Wife and build the Life both of you Dreamed of having someday , you have it in your HAnd now , so don't F*** it up .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on August 17, 2011, 11:53:59 am
Thanks guys, I appreciate your input and will not do anything stupid,
My mission now is to show my wife how much she is loved and appreciated,
Tonight i told my two daughters about my findings and they both feel the same way that i do.
MinYing told me this in the greatest of confidences but i felt that i had to share it with some-body, You guys, Even though we have never met, are a great influence on my relationship and i will take any advice from you ALL , MinYing and myself have just finished our nightly conversation and she tells me that she will forget about her past and we will enjoy the rest of our years together, It did not take long for the laughter to to become constant and i think she felt better to get this off her chest , I too feel a little better now knowing that she opened up to me, but there is no way that i will ever forget or forgive this BASTARD for what he has done to this wonderful woman .
Tonight MinYing told me that she had never known that sex could be so pleasurable and comfortable until now, All i can do now is satisfy this beautiful woman's needs, weather it be sexual, emotional or any other way that i can,
All i know is that it will be a long road to travel but i ,,And my wonderful bride will be strong and come out on top of this .   THANKS GUYS.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: lfputman3 on August 17, 2011, 01:46:15 pm
One child laws ,???  my wife has a brother,, he has three children,,,, my wife has two children..

As it was explained to me by a few people and I later looked it up to verify. the one child law was written primarily for Han, and in urban areas, especially in the 80s it was enforced. Her grandparents, all Han, therefore parents, Han, herself, Han. She, as you can tell from the picture, has the prized Han skin tone. Her parents also both went to University. After she was born, her father split the scene because he wasn't having anything to do with raising a daughter. Although her paternal grandparents were a part of her daily life before they kicked. Her living grandparent, who apparently know wants me to marry her granddaughter (this woman is confusing by the way) is a very proud Han, traditional patriarchal Chinese grandmother who has for the most of Yuan's life had no use for her daughter's mistake of having a daughter. Grandma is also very close friends with the little witch I first traveled to China to meet. As stated before not all bad, it's her fault that Yuan and I met.

Yuan's mama did remarry when Yuan was a child. However, from all accounts, he was nice up to the day they married. The filed for divorce around the time Yuan and I met. I am not stepping into that mess. Mama never had another child and the reason stated is because she is Han and had a child.

Thus, I made the comment about 'One Child'. I know many guys here do not see any part of the influence in their ladies families, but remember the law was first proposed in 1975 and came into effect in 1976 with modifications over the years. However I have read and been told by several sources that it is still enforced on educated, city dwelling Han, but I also noticed and asked how it is that some of the children born under this policy are starting to buck the system and have more than one kid. The answer was the local officials have not acted is all.

Lloyd
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: lfputman3 on August 17, 2011, 01:53:51 pm
BTW John,

Be ready, as the others have said, she will open up again and it is going to be hard for you to cope. Just be there for her, that is the best thing you can do. Hands down. Yeah, he's trash, but don't worry, one day those boys are gonna start visiting the two of you in Australia and see the difference first hand in how their mama get treated by a real man. It's going to have a profound impact on them, it is really going to have a strong impact on how they deal with their father. Pretty much, he's going to be miserable, because in most cases, the boys will slowly cut him off from their lives.

Lloyd
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on August 17, 2011, 05:18:21 pm
John

My wife was also constantly abused...sexually and physically by the "pond dweller" she married. It all came out during one of my visits when she felt safe enough about us to talk it through with me. Like the rest of the guys say here...the fact that she feels safe enough (emotionally) with your relationship, to talk about her horrible experiences is a wonderful accolade for you.

It has always given me much comfort and pleasure to prove to Ming that there are good guys in the World and believe me...once any wife feels that emotional safety...it is a wonderful place to be  ;D ;D

By all means...continue to hate the bastard (as I hate my wife's ex-)....but revenge is a dish best eaten cold !!!!

Somewhere, somehow the various bastards will get their lumps...life's like that. You can rob him of the love of a good woman, something he will never know.....and he is the loser

Cheers   David
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Jason B on August 17, 2011, 09:41:46 pm
John, remember, but do not dwell on this or let it affect you relationship with your wife.  Let her see by your actions and words that not all men in the world are like this.  And I do not mean just Chinese men, this is a very sad trait that happens in all cultures by scum sucking men who need to have power over the vunerable to feel like a man due to their own failings.

Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on August 18, 2011, 02:08:10 am
Again i thank you ALL for your input to this situation , My wife and i are both willing to put this behind us and enjoy the rest of our lives together and not let this ruin our relationship.
Today our spirits have been lifted with news from Shanghai, I have just spoken to our case officer in Shanghai and she is aware that i will be taking my fourth trip very soon, She asked me if i would travel to Shanghai for MinYing,s interview,, What could i say but yes, She sounds very nice and we had a few laughs and she is willing for us to make our own time and date when it suits us, I have just let MinYing know on QQ and she is so excited that we are one step closer, I have had a constant smile on my face for the last hour or so whilst i have been trying to write this post, I keep getting constantly harassed by MinYing on  QQ from her mobile phone whilst she is supposed to be working but the excitement is too much for her and she can not concentrate with her work  , Just little messages like i love you and little icons of love hearts and penguins dancing but they all make my day brighter, Well guys and girls, must close now as i have to go back to work,, Again,,Thank you all for your input ,,MinYing and John .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on August 18, 2011, 03:26:39 am
You have to put it all behind you John.

My wife suffered at the hands of her ex husband and she has the scars to prove it.  At just 95 lbs she was not able to fight him off.  Not only that when she was pregnant with thirds child he went and formed a rfelationship with a younger women.

As a result within months of the birth the baby and two other children (oldest was 10 at time) were all taken from her and she was caste out of the house.  !4 years later I came along and she transformed my batchelor life and I hope I have done the same for her.

There are many things that I would want to do to her ex but in the back of my mind is that there are not many long jail sentences given for murder here. Just a couple of months in jail, (if your lucky) then the last 'goobye world'. 

I would never hurt her and by doing something in anger then both  she and I would lose what we have found together.

Willy
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Scottish_Robbie on August 18, 2011, 04:53:32 am
You have to put it all behind you John.

........I would never hurt her and by doing something in anger then both  she and I would lose what we have found together.


wise words
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on August 20, 2011, 01:15:56 am
Hey guys and girls, Well the "kidnap" of my wife's sons went well with the help of the family for the medical exam in Beijing, I do not know how they achieved this but it was a success and the medical exam took place today in Beijing and the sons passed with flying colours, Another step closer to being together.
I was in a light slumber early this-morning and at 1:15 am a message came through on my phone, It read, "I am very excited, I can not sleep as i have not seen the children sleep for the last three years, Watching the children sleep is so good, I am really very happy, I love you, I love you, I love you".

I can see and hear a change in her since the confession of her years of torment by the ex-husband, I have promised her that this is all behind us now and she is happy to forget and just enjoy the years we have together,.

She is at this moment spending quality time in Beijing with her boys and she has sent me MANY photos over QQ of her with them together, Every photo they all look so happy together and i really wish that they could join us here for a "better" life, Maybe one day this could become a reality but only time will tell,
Well every one , Less than three weeks now and i will again meet my Chinese princess in Beijing, We will travel to Handan first and then fly to Shanghai for MinYing s interview, Hopefully our road will get a little smoother for a while but i am not blind to the fact that we have some difficulties ahead,
Communication is a big factor in any international marriage as we all know, My Chinese is improving, Even though still very basic but MinYing helps me with the pronunciation as i help her too every night on QQ, ,,MinYing and John.   
 
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on August 23, 2011, 06:03:06 am
Hey guys and girls, It seems that after my wife spent the time with her sons and returned them to (The ex), He found out that our niece ,Pei xian had lied to him , She told him that the boys would be spending time with the family but they were secretly spending time with MinYing,  He was so full of anger that he called child services and told them that she took them with-out his knowledge, Any way, Child services told him that there is nothing that they could do as MinYing is their mother, So he did not get his own way so he BEAT her sons, What an ass is this (man), to even contemplate to hurt a child or even take out his anger on them ?.
Now the boys are too afraid to see their mother again, I have told her to go to the police and child services herself to see if she can press charges against this BASTARD, I know the laws differ between country's but can any-one give me advice on what we can do in this situation?.
On a lighter note, MinYing and myself have an interview in Shanghai on  the 13th of September, (no its not a Friday), Have any of you ever sat in on an interview with your wife's or girlfriends before?, The reason that i ask is because i want to know if i will be asked any questions about my wife or her family, Of course i know all the info on my wife and her past but should i learn more about the birth-dates of the family and any relevant history ?,
It is only lately that she has opened up to me about her past with the abuse , What else do i need to know ?, Any input is always greatly appreciated from all of you here, John. 
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on August 23, 2011, 05:28:41 pm
John, I know this is difficult but you did the best thing.  You told your wife to report the man. 
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: maxx on August 23, 2011, 06:26:24 pm
John different country different customs.There is child services in China.But they are about as much help as chnlove customer service.Your going to get little or nothing done reporting this guy to child services.You will probably do more harm then good.Child services shows up at the door.It is going to piss him off more.Those kids will get twice the beating they got before. After child services leaves.The police are the same way.All they will do is tell you the same thing. I'm going to tell you.It's a family matter.And none of there business.Unless he is threatening to kill them.If it comes to that they will take the kids and put them with a relative.But not until he gives them a reason to.

In China the man is lord and master of his house.He can do pretty much want he wants to.And the woman will hide it from her family and friends.To save her face and his face.And the family face Untill the day the  woman says she has had enough and leaves.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: lfputman3 on August 26, 2011, 03:16:32 am
personally, I'd throw in a pack of unfiltered Djarum, that'll put more nails in that coffin as they have been known and proven to cause the lungs to bleed....

beyond that, the guy is a piece of work...
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on August 26, 2011, 05:36:11 am

On a lighter note, MinYing and myself have an interview in Shanghai on  the 13th of September, (no its not a Friday), Have any of you ever sat in on an interview with your wife's or girlfriends before?, The reason that i ask is because i want to know if i will be asked any questions about my wife or her family, Of course i know all the info on my wife and her past but should i learn more about the birth-dates of the family and any relevant history ?,
It is only lately that she has opened up to me about her past with the abuse , What else do i need to know ?, Any input is always greatly appreciated from all of you here, John.

No sure if you will be together atb the interview. My experience and that of my UK Friends is that you are interviewed individually, answers written down then same questions asked of other when they go in. Then the answers are checked that they match as much as possible.

Maybe different for other countries.

Willy
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on September 06, 2011, 07:12:31 am
Hello guys and girls, I have had a constant smile on my ugly mug all day long, Tomorrow night i will be at Perth airport for trip number 4, Wow, Four trips in less than twelve months, MinYing is beside herself with excitement too, So many off-line messages to QQ when i arrived home from work today , She must have wrote " Wo ai ni " About a hundred times, Since my return from China last time we have around a thousand pages of daily chat and have only used the Chnlove web site about four times for exchange of important information, I can not praise the Handan agency enough, The owners are only too happy talk with me on the phone at no charge and translate my information to my Beautiful wife when she is on their premises.

The thing with the sons birth certificates having the wrong dates recorded has been sorted with help from our case officer in Shanghai, It seems that children were  registered with the police station in Shizijuhaung ( Please forgive the spelling), When they were born and our case officer told MinYing to get official clarification from them and to have it Notarized and translated to English and she would be happy with this document, MinYing took a train trip to Shizijhuang and was successful to obtain the required paperwork, Even though we have an immigration lawyer our case officer is always happy to speak with me and she answers all my emails within a couple of hours, She has been a great help to us both so far and was very surprised that i will be again in China for the fourth time in twelve months this is why she has brought the interview forward by so many months.

Well the case is packed and the bills are paid, I brought MinYing an I phone 4 and she is the envy of all her friends, Her other phone looses charge in less than a day and she has constant trouble with it, Very often when we talk on QQ, Her friends are often there and are only too pleased to talk to me, Her best friend, Liu LI, Is very pleased to see me again and looking forward to having a "Westerner" at her wedding, I must say that my wife's friends do always make me feel so welcome and are the happiest people that i could ever want to meet.

I am very pleased with MinYing, She has booked and paid for the air fares to Shanghai and the accommodation too, She has booked the hotel in Handan that we always stay in, She has a great deal on the room price as we both get on so well with the staff there and the young lady who is in charge of the breakfast is always so pleased to see us both when we stay there.

Yes Gerry the endorphins are in overdrive again and i have overdosed once again, MinYing should finish work in about 40 minutes and she rushes
 home to see if i am on-line to greet her, She is always so happy and keeps me talking for hours, It is not often that she lets me go before midnight , Even though i wake around 5am for work and am a little tired I am always happy to sacrifice a few hours of sleep, She still insists that i call her every day  just to say "good morning", It is only a short conversation but it makes her day.

I will be catching up with Lloyd (ifputman3) in Handan as he is there until towards the end of this month,
Well guys this is my last post until i reach Handan , I hope to have some "good news" soon , MinYing is very confident about the interview and she seems to know more about me than i do, I still get my children's birth -dates mixed up, They were born a year apart but but the month and day still confuses me, She remembers all the birth-dates of all my family and can speak their names fluently, My father has about three middle names and she remember them all, I must say that her English has improved noticeably since we QQ every night, I have no doubt that when she is totally immersed in the Australian population she will learn in leaps and bounds.

Thank for you all for your in-put in the dilemma with the (ASS) of an ex-husband, He has cooled down now but still wants to kill me as he still thinks that MinYing is his property,  He will be keeping an eye out for me when i return to my wife's home town , Not to worry guys, I am not going to do something stupid, Best i just let him suffer in his own sad miserable life,  Well bye for now and i will keep you posted,,,John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on September 06, 2011, 11:09:07 am
John, have a great trip.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on September 06, 2011, 12:43:50 pm
Shaun said it all !!!! No need to add anything here . :)
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: lfputman3 on September 07, 2011, 02:09:55 am
Good luck and we will see you soon here in "sunny" Handan   ;D
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on September 07, 2011, 02:42:22 am
Have a safe and enjoyable trip John , regards Sujuan and Robert .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Jason B on September 07, 2011, 04:16:23 am
I think someone is excited........could be wrong though :-\

Have a wonderful trip John and look forward to reading about your adventures.  Also give 'em hell at the interview.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Scottish_Robbie on September 07, 2011, 07:04:40 am
 Enjoy.. ;D ;D
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on September 07, 2011, 06:20:59 pm
Good luck and bst wishes John.......

Aussie, Aussie, Aussie...Oi, Oi, Oi ... ;D ;D ;D

I just got home from hospital after a serious injury to my hand...masses of damage, tendons severed and nerves cut....hours and hours of micro-surgery.

How I could have coped without Ming here to look after me, I dont know !!!

Chinese women are just the best.......we who have discovered this fact are very lucky Men indeed

Cheers

David
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on September 07, 2011, 06:35:15 pm
Good luck and bst wishes John.......

Aussie, Aussie, Aussie...Oi, Oi, Oi ... ;D ;D ;D

I just got home from hospital after a serious injury to my hand...masses of damage, tendons severed and nerves cut....hours and hours of micro-surgery.

How I could have coped without Ming here to look after me, I dont know !!!

Chinese women are just the best.......we who have discovered this fact are very lucky Men indeed

Cheers

David

Man , you trying to CUT your Life short ? Well as you know , it takes TWO hands to hold these Women close to you and make them feel special . Heal quick and come back 100% .. your Hand I mean .

They are the best !!!!
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on September 07, 2011, 07:58:35 pm
David,  Wow.  I hope the prognosis is good.  But having a great wife will be an immense help in the healing process.

I hope a speedy and painless recovery for you.

Shaun
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on September 20, 2011, 08:36:59 am
Hi guys and girls,  Well trip number four was fantastic, The flight was the usual turbulent ride but with no sleep as i was a little excited to be seeing my wife once again ;D, The plane touched down in Beijing and it seemed forever to get through customs and in to the reception area, The airport was absolutely jam packed with tiny people with black hair and smiles on their faces, I quickly scanned the crowd and then I saw the most beautiful smile that I had ever seen, I could not get to her quick enough, It was the happiest reunion we have had so far and I must say she has become soooo much more affectionate.

We took a taxi straight to Beijing train station and boarded our train to Handan, We arrived a little before midnight and checked in to our usual hotel and again the staff remembered us and greeted us with the warmest welcome, MinYing got another good deal on the room, Around 320 RMB which was cheaper than the usual going rate.
We woke late the following day as for the late night previous,  ;) ;) .

The next day was the wedding, The bride (Liu Li), Who is one of MinYings best friends called us and asked us to meet her at the salon where she was getting her hair and make up done, We greeted the bride and she demanded that we join her in the bridal car that she was in, And she wanted us to sit in the back and her in the front  ???, Any way, We made our way to the family home which took about 45 minutes with driving down the wrong side of a duel carriage way and on to a muddy road, ( Did wonders for the black Audi A6 and the Black Honda accord), We arrived and there must have been around 200 people there waiting to see the bride, The back door of the car opened and out climbed this 189cm Westerner, Half of them gazed at me with open mouths and nearly dropped their noodles back in to their bowls as they were eating  ;D, We walked to the home and the people just stared in amazement, I do not think half of them had seen a foreigner before, The bride sat on the bed and was fussed over by the other women and i just sat on a stool and was handed a bowl of noodles by someone and was offered cigarettes and drinks by these amazed people.
A little while later the cameras came out and pictures were taken of the bride with some of her friends and i noticed that several cameras were trained on me,  ::), I was happy to smile for the pictures so half a dozen or so were taken, The groom entered the room and put the ring on the brides finger and put her shoes on her feet and then they left the house for some pictures and then got in the car and we all left .

We arrived at the new home of the bride and groom and went inside where there was around 50 or so guests and again they all stared in awe at the westerner who was hand in hand with a Chinese woman, (we get so many stares when we hold hands together), About 30 people made their way up the stair well and the groom stayed down stairs with his friends, Dinner was served and the rest of the men left the room to join the groom and i was the only man in the room to eat dinner with about twenty women,  8), About 30 minutes passed and an older Chinese man came up with a bottle of bai jio, (here we go again), He asked if i would like a cup  :-\, I accepted and he filled my cup to the top and poured himself a small glass  ::), I drank it and he quickly filled it to the brim again, This time i made him pour himself the same amount so reluctantly he did , Someone got his attention and MinYing replaced the cup of bai jio with a cup of sprite, she did this for the next three cups when he was not looking  ;D, I must say he was quite drunk when he left the room, ha ha, (Thank you my love).
The rest of the evening was uneventful and we later left and went to the family home where i was greeted with a warm welcome from the whole family  including MinYings father who was at first dead against his daughter marrying a westerner, We retired early after eating AGAIN  :P, How do these people eat so much?????.

The following morning we woke and was called for breakfast which consisted of no fewer than 8 courses and again the bai jio came out and my wife's father poured my cup to the brim and poured himself and MinYings older brother a smaller amount  ???, After 3 cups of the gut rot and everyone putting food in my bowl I felt need to sleep again, About 4 hours later i woke and went down to the family room and was again welcomed by the whole family, And then it hit me ,,, I needed to use the dreaded squat toilet, ( I can not get used to these things), And then time for lunch, :-\, How do these people eat so much so often???, I could not refuse as it might offend ma ma.

The next day we went to Handan airport for our interview in Shanghai, MinYing absolutely loves to fly now, (only her second time), The plane reversed out and then the pilot hit the engines at full speed and we were off, No taxiing down the runway we just went off at full speed, We landed in Shanghai and found the hotel and had an early night  ::).
The next morning MinYing was a little nervous but confident, We had breakfast and made our way to the Australian consulate general office where we waited for our interview, We had a warn welcome from Joyce Wang who is the Senior Case Officer at the Shanghai office, She is about in her mid to late twenties and is a very friendly lady,  She took MinYing in first and I waited in the waiting room, I met two other Aussies there and started to talk to them and found out that they have been waiting for 9 months for their interview and they were pissed when I told them I only waited 7 weeks for ours, Around 30 minutes later Joyce came out and asked for me to join them in her office, I sat down and she asked me a few questions about family and background and she questioned why some of our QQ chat was in pin yin, My reply was that I have been learning to speak Chinese and write in pin yin to make our communication even better rather than just expecting MinYing to learn English, She was very pleased that i have been making the effort.
The rest of the interview went well and i noticed that she and my wife were both getting on so well and talking and laughing together, Joyce asked me to look at some documents that she had and she looked impressed when i asked MinYing for my glasses so i could focus properly,( I spoke in Chinese),  The only thing that was asked from us was a new birth certificate to co-inside with the new notarized correction of the previous mistake, I asked about the processing times and Joyce told us that it will be around 3- 4 months, I was happy to hear this, I left with good spirits, Joyce also told us that she thought it was a very romantic way of meeting each-other through the internet as i was only looking for a guide for my first trip to China and things grew from there.
We got back to the hotel room and I laid on the bed and MinYing laid on me and cried her heart out, After a few minutes she told me that someone said to her that if the interview was successful she was to have the visa granted so she could join me here within a few days, I explained to her that it has to be put in a queue as there are many people applying for the 309 visa and not to listen to anyone who has not been through the process before, She understands that we must wait and hope for a good outcome but is very confident now that we will be together next year, We went to The Pearl Tower for dinner that night even though she protested about the 600rmb price, WOW, $100 Australian, She is so careful with money.

We returned to Handan the next day and got a taxi and the driver told MinYing that there was a new hotel in Handan and it was cheaper than the one that we always use so she said we should stay there (Who am i to argue with a woman so careful with money?) We proceeded to the hotel which was not new but just a little renovated, We went to the room and turned on the air-conditioning and then went for a walk, We returned sometime later to find that the room was like an oven, MinYing went down to reception and told them that we would be leaving as the air-conditioning was hopeless, Their reply was that they would charge us around 100 RMB for their inconvenience and she went off the deep end, There was customers in the reception and the manager came down and refunded all our money just to get her out of the hotel and not scare the rest of the customers from the hotel, We proceeded back to the usual hotel we stay at and there was no problem, The next day we met  with some of her girlfriends and we ate again :P, ( I put on 6 kilos is 10 days), The next day we returned to the family home and ate again, And drank more bai jio  :-\, It turns out that it was her brothers birthday, We went to a restaurant which consisted of around 20 people and the women gathered in one room and the men in another, MinYing joined me with the men and the meal got under way,  OH NO , MORE BAI JIO, The brothers friends toasted me one by one trying to get me drunk but one by one after about an hour they declined my return toasts , (pussies) Anyway it was a great evening, Back to the family home for the night and to sleep on the bed which consists of a very hard base with-out a mattress, My back ached in the morning, ( how i love Chinese beds).
The next morning, mama told me that they were going to make dumplings, Around 250 dumplings were made :'(, mama boiled me up around 20 of these and made me eat them all by myself and then the rest of the family was called to eat and she expected me to join the family and eat more  :'(
Again father brought in another bottle of the dreaded BAI JIO and poured me a cup full again, Then came lunch and then came dinner, I was like a stuffed pig.

The next few days were the usual with meeting her many friends and eating AGAIN, I must say that i have never been made so welcome by any-one but the Chinese people and I enjoy every moment with them and I am always welcomed back by my wife's many friends, QQ International has brought us closer as we talk for many hours each night and MinYing is always waiting for me every night, Technology is a wonderful, I wish i brought her a computer after I first met her in Beijing so the lonely nights were not so bad but I am happy to see her every night now.

I guess that I need not tell you that our hearts sank when the alarm went off on our last morning together, It is so nice to wake with the woman you love sleeping in your arms, Something  I miss and look forward to doing every morning in the future, This time the good bye was too much for me, I was tears in my eyes and she was not so good too, Well it is nearly 8:30 now and Minying will be on-line soon so i must close, By the way, Trip number 5 is booked and paid for,  I will be joining my wife on 21/12 and she is so happy that I will stay for 29 days, In just hope that I will not be returning home alone, Hope I have not bored you with a long post,, Regards from MinYing and John.   

       

 
 
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Jason B on September 20, 2011, 08:53:32 am

We woke late the following day as for the late night previous,  ;) ;) .

I felt need to sleep again, About 4 hours later i woke and went down to the family room and was again welcomed by the whole family,

John, maybe if you had slept the previous night you would not have had to be so rude and go back to sleep.... ;)

I sincerley hope everything goes well this time with the paper work.  The consulate people always tell you that the papers will take time to process so that you can not get upset with them if things seem to be going so slowly.  As for the other guys who had been waiting for 9 months (can not understand why) for an interview it is their fault for not being part of this website and getting some good infomation on how to proceed with things.    :P

Great story and great pictures mate.  Everything crossed that you will have to give the window seat upto MinYing on the way back home after your next trip.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on September 20, 2011, 09:23:56 am
Cheers Jason ,Yes i will give up the window seat to MinYing, All she does is take pictures from inside the aircraft when we are in flight, All i do is take pictures of her asleep, She always fall asleep whenever we are in a taxi, train or aircraft, John .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: kenny on September 20, 2011, 10:46:01 am
Good story John I enjoyed reading it.

I hope that you and MinYing will be together soon. Believe me it is worth the wait.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on September 20, 2011, 11:53:36 am
Hope you took home a couple bottles of your Bai Jio , so you can practice and improof your Skill with those Chinese Men .  8)

Wonderful .. not only to read your Story , but how detailed you have present it to us all . Thanks John and good luck to both of you .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on September 20, 2011, 01:18:13 pm
Thanks Jason, Kenny and Arnold,(yes Arnold i have  brought home 10, 100 millilitre bottles of bai jio),  It is now a little after 1am and MinYing has let me go for the night,  :P, Must sleep now as I start work in 5 hours, We have been discussing our wedding reception plans for December even though it will be cold then but it will be an enjoyable day, She is excited about this up-coming event and also wants to have the reception here in Australia so she can officially change her name to my family name, She was full of smiles tonight knowing that my next trip was booked and paid for in December and she cant wait to cook more dumplings for me  :-\ :-\, Here goes more kilos to the waist line, Oh well, I will have to exercise more over the next three  months so i can put it back on again, Wan an, John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on September 20, 2011, 07:08:51 pm
Great read John...what a lovely trip you had this time.

BTW, Joyce Wang was our case officer and we also found her to be a real nice Lady who quickly warmed to us when she understood that we had been very serious and detailed in managing our relationship together and our plans for the future. I guess these case officers get so many folk going through who have done absolutely no preparation and dont really care about it anyway, it is refreshing for them to meet folk who have really done their homework !!!.

I am sure she will do all possible to expedite your Visa ...within what is possible for her.

Good luck, you are in the home straight now.

Cheers...David
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on September 20, 2011, 07:40:16 pm
What can I say that hasn't already been said.  Great read.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: lfputman3 on September 21, 2011, 03:13:24 am
After having my first experience with Baijiu and talking with my brother about it, I felt the need to share the link he shared with me:

                http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=baijiu (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=baijiu)

so true....

John, you are perhaps the best teller of tales on this site. I know I'm vague and rough in my details. I hope we can (Yuan and I) can toast you and MinYing in December.

Lloyd
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on September 21, 2011, 06:32:49 am
Thanks guys and girls, I thought the post would be a bit long and boring but i am happy you all enjoyed the read, The December trip will be three times as long as this one but i will try not to have the post three times the size of this one  ;D, I am still recovering from jet lag, "or is it the bai jio ?", I will not be tortured next time by the friends or the family, (I hope not :P), MinYing and John .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on September 21, 2011, 07:56:34 am
Thanks John for a great and well detailed read , when it gets closer to your return can you flip in your reception dates as we are still toying with dates , regards Sujuan and Robert .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on October 05, 2011, 07:17:50 am
Hi everybody, Been back home for just over two weeks now and MinYing is in the process of organizing the wedding reception, She has booked and paid a deposit for the wedding photos to be taken, (hope they can do a good of photo shopping my face), These will be taken on 25/12/2011, Today she has taken a trip home to mamas home so they can both go and see the "fortune teller" for a suitable date for the reception, Early January i hope, So far she has come up with about 60-70 guests to attend, Most of them are her girlfriends and a few of their husbands, We will leave a few spare seats just in-case there are a few members of the forum in the area at the time.
Nothing too fancy, Just a nice restaurant  in Handan, Just a meal and whatever else she decides on, No doubt there will some of MinYings brothers friends there to force some more of BAI JIO down my throat but she will be keeping a good eye on me to make sure there are not too many toasts again, ;D.

I asked her to discuss "The bride price" with the family and their reaction was that I have over time spent much money going to China to be with their daughter and they are happy to let this tradition to slide.

My wife has also decided that we will rent a nice apartment for my months stay, One with a comfortable bed, A kitchen and a proper toilet,(no more squatting), The price for the apartment for the month is around 2000 rmb compared to the hotel,s price of around 7000rmb, She wanted one with a kitchen so she can prepare meals herself as i have not experienced much of her cooking as of yet,
It seems that whatever we do or where ever we go , She is always so careful with money and never wastes a penny.

The new birth certificate for her son was quickly obtained and notarized and translated and forwarded off to Shanghai, I guess it is just a waiting game now and we just hope for the best result, I can think of no more information that they might request but no doubt there will be something, I just hope the processing time is swift as it would be a dream come true if i could bring her back with me this time.

We still QQ every night, From the time she arrives home at around 8pm until 11 or 12 pm every night, She is always bright and bubbly every night and still insists that i call her every morning just to say hello, She is never grumpy in the morning (not like my ex), he he , She puts in so many hours at work each day for so little reward, Around 1000-1200 rmb a month, :-\, She is not afraid of a hard days work and she is very ambitious in wanting to learn as much in her field of work so she can join the work force as soon as possible.   

She installed QQ on my I phone and she always sends me many messages each day and photographs too, I must say even though QQ is in Chinese on my phone it is quite easy to work out how to use, I also have GOOGLE TRANSLATE installed so i can copy and paste the messages so they are in English and reply in Chinese, Don,t you just love technology, Well, The better half will be on-line soon so i better finish this post, Regards from MinYing and John.
PS. anyone in Handan in December , Just remember there will be a few extra seats at the table. 

Title: Re: my love story
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on October 05, 2011, 08:45:36 am
Great read , thanks John , all our best Sujuan and Robert .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on October 05, 2011, 11:22:29 am
So happy for you John . Remember , when the Party ever moves to Palmdale CA. I'll keep a few seats open for you too . ;) Hope the time will pass quick and all will go smoothly as possible .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on October 09, 2011, 04:37:53 am
AAARRGH Chnlove, I have always praised the Handan agency and never thought that they were also crooks, Talking with MinYing the other night and the conversation turned to internet cafe,s, I asked my wife early on in the relationship if there were any cafe,s in Handan and the reply was a plain and simple NO, Anyway, MinYing asked me why we never went on QQ a long time ago as there ARE internet cafe,s in Handan,  >:(
I could not believe what i was hearing, I replied to her that she told me in a EMF that there were none in her city, She replied that this was not true and she would have went to one just so we could see each-other on cam as she never had a computer at the time, Boy was i pissed when hearing this, 14 months of daily EMF,S to and from all ads up.
Now we do not use the agency at all as we speak every day on QQ for many hours at a time, MinYing tells me that now she also thinks the agency we once praised is very crooked and she is NOT TOO HAPPY, Any way, on a lighter note, The wedding Dinner, Ceremony is booked for 05/01/2012, Anyone from here going to be in Handan at the time ??. MinYing and John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Pineau on October 09, 2011, 06:37:08 am
He John, do you feel violated now?  You can be thankful for a happy ending although they still extracted their price.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: lfputman3 on October 16, 2011, 12:12:07 am
John, great story, sorry I haven't kept up. First, yeah, we had some recent issues with the agency, but it's behind us. We had her going on when we were going to go to Shijiazhuang and we only exchanged a couple messages through them early on. We had an issue when we were actually chatting on QQ and I had sent an email at 9AM, Handan time, she 'replied' at 10AM, while still sitting in front of the computer in her mama's shop...  We went to the agency and got a lecture from them, that's when we did some creative deception to make them think we were not getting married anytime soon and that I didn't have the correct paperwork.  ;D

I wouldn't worry about them now. I will give them props, they are great about introductions. However they will stick it to you where they can. They tried to convince me it would be ¥3,000 for us to get married because they were going to do the paperwork for us and escort us to Shijiazhuang. Granted, they would have used the train, we both agreed about that and that would mean no us squeezed into the back of the hamster-mobile.

As for 2012/01/05, sorry mate, I have to head back, January 1 starts income tax season here and I've got some last minute update training on software the 6-7th. However, I'll still be in Handan from the 12/11 through 1/5.

Good on the apartment idea, it's fantastic to have home cooking, just beware of her mama coming over to cook, or in our case, she and mama share the apartment so mama packed 15 pounds back on me, after I lost 35, back to work on that problem.

Wedding photos, if it's Handan, it's probably Paris, they are the most popular, probably the most expensive too, they love to torture western men, the photographers will have you smiling in pain and the stylist will have you hating being a man...  At least from the clothing standpoint... I'm gonna post a couple of our dressing room pics for everyone over on my story...

Hope to see you in Handan in December, but not on Photo day!  haha

Lloyd
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on November 05, 2011, 01:05:51 am
Well here i am, nearly two months since our interview in Shanghai, I sent some up-dates to our immigration lawyer about MinYings latest changes, MinYing is now in full time training to learn manicure and this "fingernail art", She wants to be able to find a job very soon upon her arrival here so we discussed her employment options, She is a beautician but wanted to be able to have other options for employment and this is something she finds enjoyable so she has a months  training ahead of herself and loves every minute of the course, This information was sent to Joyce Wang in Shanghai and also the dates and information about our wedding reception and photos, We got a quick reply from Joyce thanking us for the "abundance" of information and also stated that my wife's visa was under consideration as this time, I am a little nervous at this moment as most of you can understand, JOYCE was also happy that i was sending MinYing more money each month as she is now un-employed as for the training, Now just a waiting game.
The other week there was a national holiday in China so MinYing returned to the family home for the usual family feast, I called her on mobile QQ and we had a video conversation, As soon as her father saw me on the phone screen , he got the phone off of MinYing and went around introducing his WESTERN son-in-law to all of the family that i have not yet met, I could hear MinYing in the background laughing and asking for her phone back but he would not give it to her, At first, This man was DEAD AGAINST the thought of his daughter to be with a western man but now he is only too happy to hear of my next return and he insists that we spend many days at the family home where he fills my belly with much food and the dreaded bai jio.
Well not long  now, 6 weeks and 4 days until i am again in Beijing, Not that i am counting  ;D, 28 days in minus temperatures but i am looking forward to every minute.
We have our fingers crossed that there will be a good out-come for the visa and it would be soooo good too bring her home upon my return to Australia in January,
Ma ma  is coming to terms that MinYing will be leaving her soon so she is a little saddened , MinYing is spending more time with the family now as she is also feeling the impending separation from them all,  She will see them every night on QQ as the family has a computer which we use many times when she is at home.
Every night she rushes home after training so we can talk for hours on end and most nights it is hard to get her to sleep as she keeps me on-line till early hours of the morning, She does not see her friends so often now as she just wants to talk to me, Her English is improving as we learn every night, she has a good memory and can read English well but understanding is a different thing.
Today she has taken the day from training so she can go with her girlfriends to  Shijiazhuang to a big leather store just to look at clothes but she refuses to buy anything as she always tells me that she needs nothing, I knew that she had  to wake at 4:30 this-morning as the train left Handan at 6am so i gave her an early morning phone call to wake her and she was  elated to hear my voice so early , Upon her arrival at the leather market she called me on mobile QQ just to introduce me to her girlfriends that i have never met before, They were happy to see the westerner that was the husband of their friend.
I was looking through some family photos of MinYing when she was previously married  and i must say she looked terrible, She had no pride in the way she dressed and her hair was a birds nest, To me it looks nothing like the  MinYing of today,  Not a smile on her face and she looked so drained, I am happy that she had the courage to leave the un-happy marriage and today we are both very  happy together,
Well guys and girls, My beautiful wife is on line now so i must close, bye for now, John , photo of her today.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Peter Arnold on November 05, 2011, 05:04:31 am
John, all I can say is that you are a lucky man and I wish you all the best. Have a good time in December.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on November 23, 2011, 02:36:09 am
Here I am, 4 weeks and counting the days for trip number 5 so My bride and myself can be reunited at Beijing airport, Every night I see her on QQ she is so full of smiles and reminds me of how many days left until that day, Every day I come home and turn on my computer and I find many messages and photos from her, She is very excited about the up and coming wedding photos and reception, She asked me to buy a suit for the occasion as I am a little larger than the average Chinese man and trying to get clothes to fit is a little problem, Every pair of pants I tried on over there were a little short in the leg.
I paid for my airfare about 7 weeks ago and now China Southern Airlines do the same flight for $500 less than what i paid >:(, That is a lot of Yuan.
MinYing has gone and managed  to buy me some thermal underware  ;D, she does not want me to get pneumonia again, And I certainly do not want to go through this again, -4 degrees this-morning in her home town  :(, Only going to get colder in December.
Family have insisted that we stay in the family home again , An invitation that I am always happy to accept as they always welcome me in to their home, Dumplings and bai jio,  :P And many other delicious dishes, Minyings father is always happy to hear of my return and takes time from his job in another city to travel the distance home to spend time with us, He tries very hard now to communicate with me with help from the pocket translator and our nephews  English ability, some things get lost in translation  but this is to be accepted.
It seems that the whole family are like celebrities now as word travelled  fast around the home town that their daughter married a westerner, Apparently no one else from Matou Town has done this deed before as it is a small town and I am wondering if I am the first Australian to set foot in this place as from the stares and shocked looks on peoples faces when they see me, But I have to say that they are the most friendly people that I could want to meet and everyone wants to say "hello" when they see me.
It seems that we have another wedding to go  to on January 1st ,An old school friend of MinYings and then our wedding reception 4 days later, I hope her fiends wedding is as much fun as the last one I went to in September as we had a ball together.

Nearly three months now since we had our interview in Shanghai, 10th of October I received an email from our immigration lawyer saying that our visa application was under consideration and no more information was needed at that time, I will wait until the week I leave for China and ask my lawyer to contact our case officer an see  how things are progressing, Maybe I will be lucky enough to bring my wife home with me from freezing temperatures to the middle of the dreaded Australian summer, She tells me that the first thing she wants to do is swim in the ocean as she has never done this before, Lucky we are not too far from the beach and it is always nice to cool down with an early evening swim.

Maybe I will be lucky enough to catch up with Lloyd (ifputman3) this time and share a bottle of bai jio  :P , Thats all for now, keep you posted, MinYing and John.
 
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on November 23, 2011, 09:10:44 am
Very happy for you and MinYing.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Martin on November 23, 2011, 11:06:30 am
Great update.  I look forward to hearing about this next trip...it reminds me of where I was when I was in China.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on November 29, 2011, 10:18:44 am
Heavy snow in Handan today, MinYing slipped and badly broke her wrist, She is in pain and has a cast up to her elbow, Wish i could be there right now but i  have to wait another three weeks.
She has to wear the cast for three  months so she has cancelled the wedding photos and reception dinner,  :(, Never mind as it could have been much worse ,Looks like i will have to find my on way from Beijing to Handan , Glad i have been using my Chinese every day so i hope the locals can understand me when i ask for a ticket to Handan  ;D, Hope i don't end up in Shanghai ;), John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Vince G on November 29, 2011, 11:30:38 am
Two words... Flash Cards.  That's my plan as well as an app on my phone that translates with speech. Covering all the bases.


Sorry to hear of her injury. Must have been some tumble?
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Jason B on November 29, 2011, 11:48:42 am
sorry to hear that John, lucky it is winter in China, imagine being in an Australian summer with your arm in a cast?  Sweaty and can not go swimming.........yuck.   As for travelling you will be right as suggested get some sort of translator to help you or do the old tourist point and hope.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on November 29, 2011, 12:32:56 pm
Sorry to hear that John.  Hope she gets well soon and heals properly.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on November 29, 2011, 08:02:58 pm
Two words... Flash Cards. 

Thats what I used when I first came to China. I had a friend here write me list of where I may want to travel to or what I may want to buy etc on small cards and I kept them in my pack to show to taxi drivers and others. Made travelling easy in those early days.  I could even talk to women with them. 8)

They were ideal until I learned the names of places and items myself.

Willy
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JamesM.Roberts on November 30, 2011, 06:21:26 am
Dear John very sorry to hear of MinYing's fall-hope she is feeling better soon. Understand your pain of not being there to comfort her. I believe that is the hardest part of a long distance relationship ........the helplessness (miles and oceans suck)
I swear if it wasn't for that little thing we like to call the "Pacific Ocean"-I would have took off walking a long time ago.
Sorry I haven't kept up on your love story completely-(Please help me understand) You and MinYing already had your interview? what is the hold up? Seems 3 months is a long time for a decision? especially when additional paperwork isn't required.
Again I am sorry if I am making you repeat info if you've already posted, just trying to understand.
Hope you have a great trip and hope your "Lovebird' wing mends
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on November 30, 2011, 08:34:00 pm
Thanks guys for the well wishes for my bride, She tells me that the pain is tolerable now and she had a good nights sleep last night.

James, I guess that the visa process takes time as there are many applicants in the same queue as us,  I was originally told that the process could take nine months but during our interview, our case officer told us that it would be between three to four months, They also have a mountain of paperwork to check and probably check up on previous and current employment and addresses and make multiple phone calls to various places to make sure all information is legitimate , This is why i think it takes so long, I am sure that many other people here can shed more light on this subject as many have been through this process before me, John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Scottish_Robbie on November 30, 2011, 09:01:52 pm
Dear John ...

DJAMES YOU DID NOT JUST SEND A 'DEAR JOHN' TO JOHN DID YOU? :o :o :o ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on December 01, 2011, 02:21:29 am
John , We sorry to read about MinYing's fall , and pleased that she is now resting more comfortably , may the fracture heal well and with little discomfort , best take some talcum powder with you in case it becomes a little itchy in the last couple of months , regards Sujuan and Robert .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on December 01, 2011, 02:35:11 am
Sorry to hear of MinYing broken wrist. I hope the hospital she went to is better than the one my father in law attended when he fell in the shower earlier this year.

No plaster cast provided there, just four pieces of bamboo tied round with bandage.   And another piece of bandage round his neck as a sling.

Willy
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JamesM.Roberts on December 01, 2011, 07:18:47 am
Dear John ...

DJAMES YOU DID NOT JUST SEND A 'DEAR JOHN' TO JOHN DID YOU? :o :o :o ;D ;D ;D

 ;D ;D ;D @ Scottish Robbie ;D ;D ;D Wow I guess I did!  I know John ans MinYing will soon be getting their approval -So I felt it was better that he got the "Dear John" letter from me than MinYing- I'm just bowing out gracefully ....plus we all know how Chinese woman defend their men.....they can get MEAN
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JamesM.Roberts on December 01, 2011, 07:22:35 am
Sorry to hear of MinYing broken wrist. I hope the hospital she went to is better than the one my father in law attended when he fell in the shower earlier this year.

No plaster cast provided there, just four pieces of bamboo tied round with bandage.   And another piece of bandage round his neck as a sling.

Willy

Please tell me you're just kidding Willy? Was this a rural area?
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on December 01, 2011, 08:50:11 am
Sorry to hear of MinYing broken wrist. I hope the hospital she went to is better than the one my father in law attended when he fell in the shower earlier this year.

No plaster cast provided there, just four pieces of bamboo tied round with bandage.   And another piece of bandage round his neck as a sling.

Willy

Please tell me you're just kidding Willy? Was this a rural area?

Zhongshan is a growing city of 3 million people so not a rural area. This is one of those rare occasions when I am not joking.  I could not believe what they had done.  Even I could have done better with a split water botle and a reel of sellotape.  I am just pleased that I am living so close to Hong Kong. The old fellow in now 86 and there is no extra consideration for age within the health system here.

About the only good thing about the UK is that they have free health care for all.

Willy
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Scottish_Robbie on December 01, 2011, 09:48:21 am
   And another piece of bandage round his neck as a sling.

Willy

Sorry buddy couldn't resist... You did mean 'SLING' ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on December 01, 2011, 08:01:02 pm
   And another piece of bandage round his neck as a sling.

Willy

Sorry buddy couldn't resist... You did mean 'SLING' ;D ;D ;D

Definately a sling. I also collected a good few brownie points from all the enlarged family when I took a bedsheet and cut it into nice large squares. I soon had one made into a proper sling and that gave him support and eased the pain.  He then had a couple of spare.  We know that Chinese wear something once then want to wash it, (well my wife does).

Willy
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: lfputman3 on December 09, 2011, 02:15:00 am
John, sorry to hear about Minying, wish you would have messaged me on QQ, now that your able. The invisible setting was made for me, a few years back when public internet and crappy chat rooms were all the rage, I spent alot of "ghosted" time on my chat servers. Now, I'm just invisible alot, through the day. Yuan knows it, so it's not a problem.

I'll be wheels up in a few hours, we will definitely have to catch up this trip. Although due to some little bugger trying to rob me, I will not be buying any crab dinners this trip while I wait for the bank to finish their fraud investigation. I'm thinking Yuan's mama is gonna be more furious than I was when I got the call.

See you there.

Lloyd
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on December 17, 2011, 06:26:26 pm
Here i go again, Only a few days to go now and I will be once again reunited with MinYing, She is as stubborn as beautiful, Even though she has the broken wrist , She is going to meet me at Beijing airport,
She assures me that she will be last person on the train to avoid any-more injury to herself , As most of know it is a stampede of people pushing and shoving to board these trains.
Every day we QQ for many hours and are often joined by her g/friends or family as there is always someone in her apartment to give her a hand with daily chores as she is now limited to the use of her left hand only, She hates having to use a fork to eat ;D and apologises that she can not apply her eye  liner to look her best for me  ???, I keep telling her that she does not need it as she has the most beautiful eyes.

A few months ago a member of this forum contacted me and we have had many conversations about china and Chinese women and he asked if my wife had any friends who were single and looking for a husband, It turns out that MinYings good friend Zhen , The lady that introduced my wife to the agency was single and looking for a good man , Anyway, I gave the forum member her QQ number and they have hit things off great together, They have been constantly on QQ every day for many hours and He has just told me that he has booked a flight and she is going to meet him in Beijing the day before i arrive myself, Looks like i will be meeting two forum members in Handan very soon.

Three more days of work left, The case is on the floor and ready to pack, One more bill to pay and i am set to go ,
MinYings mother has stayed many nights with my wife to cook and clean for her and i think she is surprised that her daughter has learnt so much English, Every time she talks to me in English i can hear her mother ask what she said and she repeats it in Chinese back to her mum, She still cant say "ice cream" properly, She says  "arse cream" ;D, We have many funny moments  each day with the pronunciation ,
She brought me the thermal underwear so i do not get pneumonia again, I will be leaving here from 26 degrees on Wednesday to around -2 on Thursday, This time i am prepared for the massive temperature change , I will not arrive at the airport in jeans and t-shirt, Thick coat,gloves and a beanie to keep brain from freezing,
Seems we have a birthday to attend again in December, Yes the policeman from last year, no doubt he will try to get me legless again on bai jio, Hopefully he doesn't succeed, Well time to close this post and concentrate on a few things around the home, I hope i have many interesting things add  to the forum when i an again in Handan, Merry Christmas to all  and a happy new year, MinYing and John.   
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on December 17, 2011, 06:33:50 pm
To MinYing and John , John have a safe trip and may the 2 of you have a great Christmas and an even greater New Year , regards Sujuan and Robert .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on December 17, 2011, 06:58:38 pm
Hope you have a great trip John.  Also hope the healing of MinYing's wrist is going well too.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Scottish_Robbie on December 17, 2011, 07:51:58 pm
Ditto what shaun said
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on December 17, 2011, 08:45:34 pm
John and MinYing

Ming and I will be thinking about you as we eat our Xmas dinner on the beach at 37 degrees C !!!!!

Have a great time....send us some news when you can

Cheers...David
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Jason B on December 18, 2011, 12:19:12 am
I would like to echo Daves thoughts but the way the weather is in Sydney at the moment it will be closer to a China winter than summer here.  Have a great trip, take and post plenty of photos and have a safe and happy Christmas.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Peter Arnold on December 18, 2011, 05:18:14 pm
All the best John. It is looking a little chilly where you are heading. I am sure you will be safe and warm with Minying. At least you will be further south than where I am heading. I think that I have no idea as to how cold it will be in Harbin. You are lucky to have more meat on you than me. Have a great time. How long are you away for? Hope you get to enjoy some arse cream while you are there.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on December 19, 2011, 05:32:05 am
Ha ha , Thanks Peter, No Arse cream for me, I will be away for about 28 days, I will, And always do take plenty of photos, Still cant figure out how to post many photos on the "media"section, I have many thousands of photos to my credit over the last 4 trips, Maybe someone here can advise me how to do so, Anyway guys and girls, two more sleeps, whos jealous?  ;D John .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Clayton on December 19, 2011, 06:02:08 am
 Anyway guys and girls, two more sleeps, whos jealous?  ;D John .
[/quote]

ME
Have a good trip bloke

Cheers

Leeroy
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Vince G on December 19, 2011, 07:40:00 am
Not sure if you can upload thousands of photos but you can start an album and upload your fav there.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on December 28, 2011, 08:10:13 am
The flight from Perth to Beijing was pretty good without much turbulence, It seemed to take forever to arrive but i guess that was just me watching my watch every five minutes or so, I passed through customs without a hitch and was approaching to greeting area and the doors opened about thirty meters in front of me  and there she was, The biggest smile on her face and her arm in a  sling , She fought her way through the crowd and we were reunited once again, From being someone who was once too shy to show her affection in public, She has changed so much, Not worrying about the older Chinese people looking at her now with a look of disapproval on their faces.
 We made it to Beijing train station with about an hour to spare and then she told me that she was hungry, We found somewhere to eat and then she ordered  ??? It wasnt a small meal but she managed to put it away with no problem and then said "I am still a little hungry", Ok, I am not going to complain about missing our train and having to wait another two hours for the next one because she was hungry :-X.
Christmas day came and we was invited to the policeman's home for another slap up meal, "boy he can  cook", Only a couple of glasses of bai jiu this time and then for a walk around Handan, We went to a big park where people were letting off small hot air balloons and there were hundreds and hundreds in the sky, People everywhere on this  freezing cold evening but they were all  having a good time, Impossible to get a taxi back to the hotel as it was so busy that night, We are staying in the usual hotel where we were greeted happily by the staff and the young lady who supervises the morning breakfast was happy to see us once again.
Stayed the night at the family home last night and was force fed until i nearly burst, As usual my breakfast consisted of about 500mls of bai jiu and about thirty dumplings"yes someone mentioned dumplings again", It was -5 when i looked at the thermometer last night as we huddled in our cold bed, Not so bad this-morning so i decided to go for a walk after breakfast, Got lost for 2 hours  ;D but had warm greetings from the locals and eventually found my way back to the family home where MinYing told me she was worried and went looking for me, She wont let me from her sight now just in-case i do another Houdini act,
I  must say that MinYing is asking a lot from me since the broken wrist, She insists that i bathe her every night as she has trouble washing everywhere,  ;), The things we do for love, he he , photos  tomorrow and MinYing is going to have the cast changed on her arm, Hope the photo-shop guys can do wonders for me  :D, First wedding anniversary to celebrate on 12/30, Looking forward to many more, MinYing and John.     
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on December 29, 2011, 08:21:07 am
Great to read all your news and also look at the photo's of you guys while we are in shorts and thongs ha ha , have a great time and may you all stay safe over the New Year , regards Sujuan and Robert .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Scottish_Robbie on December 29, 2011, 09:25:40 am
great read John, your 'being lost' brought back memories of my trip.  How did you cope in Beijiing trainstation, the trains are usually busy eh? ;D
Have a great time the rest of your trip mate.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JamesM.Roberts on December 29, 2011, 03:09:11 pm
Yes Scottish Robbie's right Great Read- MinYing's beautiful John  -Had to laugh my butt off reading about your sacrifices....HAAA!  Happy Anniversary to you both
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on December 29, 2011, 03:34:27 pm
 ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Peter Arnold on December 29, 2011, 06:13:40 pm
Good to hear from you John. Sounds like a very short account of your trip so far. You must be fairly busy and distracted. This is a good thing. Happy anniversary to you and Minying. I relate to your concerns about how you will look up against your wonderful wife in your photos. It is fortunate that they love us for who we are. Enjoy the rest of your trip
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on December 29, 2011, 09:04:56 pm
Happy Anniversary John and MingYing

Willy
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on January 09, 2012, 04:13:17 am
Thanks for the anniversary wishes guys, We had a  quiet one together at a restaurant in Handan,
A few days later we joined our policeman friend and his lovely wife for a meal together of duck and veggies and many other treats, No sooner the meal got under way the dreaded bai jio came out, It seems that my wonderful wife brought a bottle from a shop next door and I did not notice the alcohol content was stronger than the usual, something like 68%  ???, Any way, The first bottle went down well and the meal was good, The second bottle was produced and about twenty minutes later I remember nothing  :P.
I do remember arriving back at the hotel where i was apparently helped,from the taxi and to the room :o, Our friends left and I do remember the call of nature so I managed to climb from the bed and go to the bathroom where I slipped on the wet floor , I grabbed for the basin (which was not secured)  and hit the deck, The sink came with me and smashed on the floor and my leg and I suffered a nasty gash below my right knee  :(, MinYing came in and helped me to my feet and I just wanted to sleep.
Next morning came and there was blood all over the sheets from my leg, We called the reception and reported my little fiasco and they insisted that i go to the hospital, Being the stubborn bastard that I am, I refused, Two days later my leg was infected, (serves my self right), MinYing went to the local chemist and got some medication which worked wonders for my war wound, he he , I had to pay the hotel compensation for the broken bowl 2000rmb  :-\, Anyway, My fault so I paid the price. 
MinYing and John .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on January 09, 2012, 04:54:13 am
I had to pay the hotel compensation for the broken bowl 2000rmb  :-\, Anyway, My fault so I paid the price. 

Thats the sort of breaking up we welcome to hear about.

That stuffs pretty potent and so damn cheap.

Willy
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on January 09, 2012, 11:15:28 am
Boy , I've heard of FALLING in Love .. but you two really take the CAKE !!! :o ;D

They should just tie you two together , so maybe just maybe you two wont fall again . Four legs IS better than two in that case .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Jason B on January 10, 2012, 09:27:55 pm
HA HA, good story John, between the 2 of you Medicare should go broke when you get her here to Oz.

Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on January 11, 2012, 02:58:57 am
John

As a real true blue Dinkie Die you must never let a few litres of Chinese whisky get the better of you....not allowed !!!!

Next time, make sure your drinking contest is in ice-cold Lager...then you can watch them go down screaming whilst you look on  ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on January 11, 2012, 09:55:31 am
Hi guys and girls, This time I will not elaborate on my 5th trip to China but tell it for what it is, MY LOVE STORY, I have had a bit of inspiration from Arnold in to what true love is all about.
From my first trip to meet MinYing  back in September 2010 We both had strong feelings for each-other and it all grew from then, Even though her family strongly disapproved  at the time , we both persisted with "our" relationship and are very happy together, The language barrier is tough some days but we get by with a little English mixed with my limited Chinese ability and it works well most times.
I must say that even though MinYing is a traditional Chinese woman in not showing affection in public, She has changed over the last six months and will hold me and kiss me in public and not be too worried about what others think, Tonight we ate at a restaurant with two of her friends and she was as affectionate toward me as always and i could see her g/friends look at us with a little dis-belief and comment to her on how good we are together.
I Think MinYings mother is a  little taken back by the amount of affection she shows me but at the same time  she has never seen her daughter so happy.
Every night she sleeps in my arms with her legs and arms over me and her head on my chest and her hair still tickles my nose but I would not give it  up for the world, I wake every morning and she is still all over me  ;D, If i try to get from our bed  she asks me "where are you going?".
Tonight she shed a few tears as she knows I will be returning to Australia alone as we have had no news about her visa as of yet, It has been 4 months now since our interview and we was hoping to return home together but I do not think it will happen this time, However long it takes we will eventually be together, I guess this time I really had my hopes up on returning with her .
To ever loose her through accident  or disease would totally devastate me,
I really can not imagine life without her now , just  the smile she gives me and the way she looks at me is enough to keep me happy all day long, If this is what true love is then , Yeah guys, I'm gone, Totally head over heals,  John.
 
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on January 11, 2012, 11:15:41 am
I really can not imagine life without her now , just  the smile she gives me and the way she looks at me is enough to keep me happy all day long, If this is what true love is then , Yeah guys, I'm gone, Totally head over heals,  John.

John , you said it all .. with just a Smile and the way she looks at you . When a Woman makes you feel this way .. you do anything .. anything for this Woman . Even as far as giving your Life so she can live .
 
Sad for you two not being able to come back to Aussie together , but remember like a Roller Coaster .. the higher it goes "UP" the wilder the ride "DOWN" and you'll be in Heaven for sure ( here on Earth of course ) . :P
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on January 15, 2012, 07:11:20 am
Hi guys and girls, Less than a week now and I will once again leave my lover in China, Today was a good day as we finally had the wedding photos taken at an outback studio in Handan, 8:30 until 3:30 :P, My bride looked as beautiful as always but there was nothin they could do for me,  ;D, It was absolutely freezing in some parts of the studio and i was uncontrollably shivering sometimes but pulled through OK, I had to laugh at the photographer as he had to carry a box around with him so MinYing could stand on it when we had photos taken together ;), There is 24cm difference in out height but it does not bother her one bit, 4 outfit changes each and hair  and make-up, I drew the line on having eye make-up and lipstick applied to my ugly mug, I  kept telling MinYing that I did not need it as nothing could help me.
I will be travelling to Beijing alone as there are no return tickets to Handan on the morning that I fly out, A good thing in a way as we never like saying goodbye at the airport, It is very difficult as a lot of you out there have also experienced,I hope this is the last goodbye, We are both hoping for good news on the visa front soon so she can join me in Australia, 4 months today since  the interview so we must be getting close to a final decision as we were told 3--4 months waiting time, We have to allow for the Christmas holiday break when the Australian Embassy would have gone in to hibernation mode :).
MinYing is the most caring person that I have ever known, She always makes sure I am wrapped up warm, Had enough to eat, Checks to see if I have the blankets covering me every night, I have never had this much attention before and i must say that sometimes it can be a little overwhelming, I like the way she sings most nights to Chinese music, Something I have got used to and will never grow tired of, Well folks, Only a few days left with my bride so I will close now and update on our journey to the cities we travelled  soon, MinYing and John. 
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Scottish_Robbie on January 15, 2012, 07:49:46 am
sHE REALLY LOOKS BEAUTIFUL IN HER DRESS MATE..
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on January 15, 2012, 07:59:55 am
John you are a blessed man.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on January 15, 2012, 08:44:57 am
John , they are terrific photos and I am glad that you are enjoying the COOL weather , regards Sujuan and Robert .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on January 15, 2012, 05:29:06 pm
Dont worry John...

Its 40 degrees here, you will soon be warm again  ;D ;D

When you get this sort of attention 24/7, it is awesome...been there, done that  ;D ;D

Lovely photos
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Jason B on January 15, 2012, 05:57:18 pm
John, if you want to aclimatise before returning to Perth spend a week in Sydney, we have not had any summer here all year >:( >:( >:(

Lovely photos, same here nothing they could do for me either.  Glad to read all is good, hope everyone is over their various mishaps.  As others have said and I will say also.........departing sucks.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on January 16, 2012, 06:55:32 am
 :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)Got a call today from Shanghai :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) requesting MinYings pasport :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Martin on January 16, 2012, 07:11:11 am
Great news John!!!!!!!!!  Good for the both of you.  Your long wait is soon over.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Scottish_Robbie on January 16, 2012, 07:45:38 am
Glad to hear the news :D :D
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Pineau on January 16, 2012, 09:12:31 am
I jealous !

Great news though.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on January 16, 2012, 09:18:42 am
Your jealous?   :o  At least you are with your wife in China.  :D

Great news John.  I'm the one who is jealous!!!  :(
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Pineau on January 16, 2012, 01:21:50 pm
Sorry Shaun. That was cruel. I know youve been waiting a long time separated from Peggy. I hope you get some relief soon.  I just wish I could snap my fingers and wake up with the family back in Colorado.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Wilfred Motosue on January 16, 2012, 03:16:22 pm
Wow, beautiful pictures with a beautiful wife. I hope ours looks as nice as yours. Congratulations and best wishes for a very, very happy marriage and a long life together!!!!
wilfred
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on January 16, 2012, 03:41:04 pm
Gerry I was only joking with you.  More power to you.  People winning and getting their wives home gives me hope.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on January 16, 2012, 04:27:16 pm
:)On my way to pick up the Passport with Visa soon :)
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on January 16, 2012, 04:51:00 pm
John

I dont want to rain on your Parade...but please dont get too exited yet.

They called for Mings passport in Feb....she got her visa in June.

At least you can be sure of one thing...she has been approved. I suspect your "maximum" wait time now will be 4 months...but it could be earlier, depending where she is in the queue

Cheers...David
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Scottish_Robbie on January 16, 2012, 10:17:23 pm
Congrats on making progress !!!  :D

She has been APPROVED !!!!!  :)

And not only for the visa but by us... ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Jason B on January 17, 2012, 04:55:18 pm
Great stuff, the visa will be in there soon, congratulations mate as others have said she has been approved.  She will recieve all the info in an email from the embassy but it will be English so it maybe an idea to get her to forward the email to you so you can read through it and pass onto her the important bits from the email it will also give you the date that she must enter Australia for the first time.  Make sure you use the excess luggage allowance that is mentioned somewhere in the email. Extra luggage for someone migrating upto 40kg for no extra charge.  I think Xia bought 45kg but they were willing to overlook this......one less place in Oz for a boat person. :P
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on January 19, 2012, 07:00:54 am
Well trip number 5 is almost over, Not much was said between us both this morning as we both could feel our pending departure growing closer, MinYing kept looking at the clock and giving a depressed sigh, We took a taxi to pick up some photos that we were having developed and then off to the train station, It was  only 1pm and my train did not have to depart until 3:45, I do not like the goodbyes so I told her to leave me and go home as I did not want to get a little flustered in front on a thousand Chinese people, She wanted to come inside but I told her that it was better we parted there and then, She reluctantly left me there and I proceeded to the waiting room.
About 15 minutes later I sent her a message to her phone and she replied that she had arrived home and was missing me too, I sat in the waiting room feeling sorry for myself but was also happy for our good news with the passport request and know that this will be the last goodbye.
About 20 minutes passed and I happened to look over at where the ticket lady was taking tickets and guess who was there, I was surprised but very happy to see her again, The ticket lady would not let her pass because she did not have a valid ticket, She protested and pushed her way past the attendant and we were reunited again (so much a non teary goodbye), She said that she though I would be hungry so she brought me a Donkey burger,(my favourite), We sat and talked for about another hour and then I had to board my train.
I was very happy that she came back to the train station and this time parting was not so bad, she kissed me several times in the crowd which I was surprised about but every kiss is very welcome.
I  am now sitting on the bullet train one hour out of Handan with very good memories and many hundreds of photos again for my collection, Tonight will be the first time for us both to sleep in a cold bed alone but I am sure we will both be happy that knowing that her visa is now 1 step closer to being fixed in her passport.
When we had our interview back in September we was both told that it would be around 3-4 months to be approved or denied, exactly 4 months to the day I got the call requesting MinYing’s passport from Shanghai administration, I was very quick to give our case officer a call and tell her that we gave her MinYing’s passport when we had the interview, She looked in her file and found it straight away and said she is happy to pass it on to admin that day, I also asked her about final processing times and was told 4—6 weeks, Of course I am not holding my breath for the time to be exact but we are hoping around March/April, Depending on the airfare prices at the time I might go back to China to accompany my wife HOME.
Well guys and girls this was a very happy trip #5 and I will update soon with some photos of the places we travelled, MinYing and John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Peter Arnold on January 20, 2012, 08:03:34 pm
Thanks for the update John. BTW, you don't look so bad in the photos mate. Good news that her application has been approved. That must be a big relief for both of you. So you will have a nice 2012 with your wife in Australia. I'm looking forward to seeing some more photos of your trip.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Mark_in_Canada on January 20, 2012, 08:41:53 pm
Congrats John on the visa. I hope to be in the same boat one day as well.  I just got my AOR yesterday....
Happy New Year everyone!!!
Mark
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on January 26, 2012, 03:05:28 am
I can not remember the name of the town we visited but it was in a valley some 3 hour bus ride from Handan, We were to visit MinYings auntie for the afternoon and then return home.
We started off early that morning and arrived by taxi to the bus depot and we found ourselves being huddled in to an old bus that was about 15 years old, The conditions outside were not so good with snow falling and having trouble seeing out of the windows , The bus was packed but the driver kept stopping at every stop for more passengers, There were people everywhere and almost no standing room left when a lady and her 1 year old child entered the bus, I was just about to offer my seat to her where to my surprise she just sat her ass on my knee and made herself comfortable, MinYing thought this was funny and we continued our journey with this child staring in my face for the whole time.
We arrived in aunties home town and she greeted us from the bus stop and we walked back to her home,The first thing i noticed was the mountains that surrounded this poor town, I saw about 3 cars and many vehicles carrying bricks to a new construction site, The mountains were covered in heavy fog but it was a sight to see, We went for a walk and took many photos and then made our way back to the homestead for a feed, The home was very small and freezing but as usual these people were happy as are many of the Chinese people i meet.
Some of the auntie and uncles friends arrived as they heard of a westerner in their home and they came to take a look at me  ;), After spending a few hours with these people it was time to go and get a bus back to Handan.
What, no more buses ?, We missed the last one  :-\, We waited about 15 minutes and then a guy in a 20 year old Toyota Liteace van pulled up and said he could give us a lift to the bus station for 1 Yuan each, He slid open the side door and we was greeted by 8 people crammed in this vehicle which had seating for 5 in the back ;D, On our trip to the bus station the driver still stopped to try and coerce others to join us so he could make some money, We made it back to the bus depot and got our bus to Handan without any dramas.
 
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on January 26, 2012, 11:20:16 am
Hahaha .. sat on your Knee ! Here, you would have been SLAPPED silly by your western Wife .. if you allowed that.

Nice Photo's and update ! :)
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Peter Arnold on January 26, 2012, 06:06:31 pm
Hey John, thanks for the photos. I had a similar incident in India on a bus. The bus was fully packed and still kept picking up passengers. There was a woman with a baby who needed to get on, so they passed the baby to me, as I was seated. So I got to carry the baby! India is probably more interesting and unpredictable than China. It was the biggest culture shock I have had. Anyway, it's good to see how the other half live. It gives us some perspective on our lives and gratitude for what we have.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: maxx on January 26, 2012, 06:12:25 pm
Peter well said
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on January 26, 2012, 11:49:24 pm
I also found that India was more of a culture shock than China.

 I was even more suprised at the number of Albino people there was there. Now that IS a hard life to contemplate in a very sunny country. 

I saw more real poverty there than anywhere in China and it will get worse as very soon, they will overtake China in Population terms.

Willy
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on January 29, 2012, 06:57:17 am
Why did i choose a woman from another country,Why did i fall in love with a woman 12000 kilometres away when i was just looking for a holiday to China ., It was just to be a bit of fun and MinYing was to be my guide, Things transpired from then and here we are today 1 year in to our marriage.
I find myself thinking about her every minute and waiting for her next message or photo on QQ, Just to see the smile on her face and the expression she gives me and also those beautiful eyes are enough to make all my worries fade away.
Many times each day i check QQ on my phone and there are always messages or photos waiting for me, She knows how much i like the photos of her so she sends me many, I have close to 2000 photos of her and will never get sick of new ones.
At this moment we are waiting for good news about her visa approval and then we can plan her arrival to Perth, She does not seem too excited about leaving China but more excited about us both being together permanently, Her friends are very happy for her and some a little envious as they are also wanting Western husbands as they have had enough of Chinese men.
She never asks me for anything or even money, She is very happy to just "survive" in China without any luxuries, Every time we are together it seems her main concern is my comfort and my happiness, (never met a western woman like this), Every night she waits for me on QQ and is full of smiles and we talk for hours, No-matter what her plans are, She always makes sure we have hours every day to talk and see how we spent our day apart, I wonder if it can get any better, John.   
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on January 29, 2012, 02:40:05 pm
John, as you know .. you speak for many here that have found their wonderful Lady. Maybe we have found the "Fountain of Youth"? It definitely keeps me young!  :P :)

Nice Photo's as always!
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on January 29, 2012, 04:33:16 pm
, I wonder if it can get any better, John.   

Yes John...it gets a LOT better when finally you both can be together permanently.......believe me, I know  ;D ;D

I hope the Consulate sends you some good news very soon.

Cheers...David
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Peter Arnold on January 29, 2012, 05:32:57 pm
Good to hear from you again John. I hope you are settling in okay. Yesterday I had the time to reread your whole thread, with all the ups and downs. I hope that is a rhetorical question that you ask yourself as to why you fell in love with a woman so far away. I always feel like saying to friends and relatives when they ask me why I travel half way round the world to meet a woman when there are so many here, ' If you've got to ask, you'll never know'. I hope things progress well for you this year
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: lfputman3 on February 03, 2012, 01:30:32 am
great story John, I do wish we could have caught up with the two of you. As for now, we are in full swing with "planning" and I have a full plate (about 18 hours a day) for tax season. let us know if you will be in town during mid/late March.

Lloyd
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on February 03, 2012, 04:38:16 am
Middle to late March ??, Maybe just a few days, I WANT TO BRING MY WIFE HOME
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: lfputman3 on February 07, 2012, 12:18:34 am
perfectly understandable, you are of course invited on March 16 if you're in town.

I'll be the one in the White trimmed monkey suit and my buddy/brother of many years from the army will have the red trim.

We are kinda waiting to see if the local news reports an invasion in Handan, considering they see me and John regularly, but I'm gonna have family and a friend or two along. That's alot of laowei in that poor town.   ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on March 07, 2012, 01:27:25 am
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;DJohn and MinYing Heather would like to announce the arrival of her passport with a new healthy visa to Australia granted on 05/03/2012, Mother and visa will arrive home before 28 June to an overwhelming welcome, We got the good news today as we were both talking on QQ international, Both of us were a little teary to say the least, This is the best news we have had in such a long time, Update soon, John and Minying. ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Peter Arnold on March 07, 2012, 02:01:02 am
John, That's damn good news. I understand what a big deal it is for you and Minying. And , hey, thanks for your support along my journey. I am still in China at present, but will be home soon. I am glad to be the first one to congratulate you two
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Clayton on March 07, 2012, 02:31:04 am
You little bloody ripper.

Congrats to the both of you, one day I'll know the feeling you are experiencing right now and as for her reception at the airport when she arrives well our list of family and friends is growing all the time.

Anyway John, I wish you and MinYing all the best and hope the next three months don't drag too much.

Cheers
Leeroy

PS I'll bet you can't wipe the smile off your face right now
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on March 07, 2012, 03:32:07 am
Thanks guys, I really do not think nothing can remove the smile from my face today, I wont be waiting until the 28th June to go get my wife, As soon as she can organize herself I will book the tickets and go back to China and bring her home  ;D, Hopefully early April ,  ;D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Jason B on March 07, 2012, 03:41:46 am
Great stuff John, make sure you read the email that the embassy would have sent her.  It outlines all the entitlements etc.  Do not believe the bit about not being able to get a Medicare card.  She is entitled to a temporary one valid for about 1 year then apply again.  If I can be of any other assistance just let me know.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Clayton on March 07, 2012, 04:32:36 am
That reminds me Jason,  I asked medicare the other day what i had to do about including my wife on my card and they said we have to wait until she arrives and then bring her in and apply for it then.
Is that how it works?

Cheers
Leeroy
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on March 07, 2012, 05:14:51 am
You little bloody ripper,   :o :o :o  What the heck does that mean???

Anyway, Congratz to the both of you.   The light at the end of the tunnel helps a lot.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Scottish_Robbie on March 07, 2012, 07:08:39 am
You little bloody ripper,   :o :o :o  What the heck does that mean???


I think it may mean he's happy ;D Cant be sure I thought he may have been shouting a dwarf Jack the ripper or something of that ilk...But then again you know those bloody Aussies cant speak properly like us Normal civilisations can..like wot we talk ;D ;D
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Mark_in_Canada on March 07, 2012, 11:38:26 am
Congrats John !!! Very happy for both of you !!!  :) :) :)
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on March 07, 2012, 05:02:29 pm
Hey John, that's real grouse news...(now work that out Shaun !!)

About Medicare....Because your wife will,be here on a Spouse visa (309) she is automatically entitled to full Medicare facilities from day one. Just go along to your local Medicare Office, take passport, visa and any other ID she has and she will get a temporary Medicare card on the spot. The actual card will arrive in the Post in about 10 days. She will get an automatic renewal every year until PR visa is granted.

As they say...."Ripper tune Boris" .... ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on March 07, 2012, 06:04:39 pm
Ein "Prost" to the both of you John from Arnold's and Qing's Home. May it soon complete your "Home" also.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on March 15, 2012, 07:56:18 am
I am still a little stunned that after all this time MinYing and I will finally be together, Nearly 2 years in the making and in around 3 weeks we will be together again and PERMANENTLY, It has been a long hard and bumpy road that we have travelled, Many of you here have done this before and many still waiting for the good news for their visa,s Many more men will follow in our footsteps and I wish "all of us" A good outcome.
I had to laugh at MinYing after her passport was returned, We had our usual QQ session as we do every night, She told me that her suitcase was too small : IT WAS ALREADY PACKED  ;D ;D ;D, , I get many more messages on my mobile QQ every day as she is counting the days until we are to meet once more at Beijing airport, Every morning I wake and there are still messages to me until about 3am as she cant sleep  :P, I must admit that I now have many sleepless nights as I too as I am trying to grasp reality.
What will she think when she arrives ?, Will she be homesick and want to return to China???, So many Questions are running through my mind,,,, She tells me that wherever in this world we are, she will always be at my side, I once told her that I would live in China and become a teacher and we could live together there, Her reply was, "Wherever you decide to live is where I will be with you", What more can I ask from her ??, I know she is totally committed to me as I am to her, I ask her most nights if she is ready for a totally new life and the reply is always "yes".
understandably her mother is upset at the "impending doom"  Of MinYing leaving China but ma ma  is also happy that I will protect her with my life, Why do we find a wife from a different continent???, Why do we find a wife that has a language so "foreign" from our own???, Why do we find the Chinese culture and women so irresistible ?,I don't know, It just happens, Love is where you find it, All i know is that I will be once again on Chinese soil and return home with my wife for our new life, ;D ;D John     
 
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: kenny on March 15, 2012, 08:40:06 am
Congratulations John

Your happiness is obvious in reading your update. You will soon have the answers to your questions.

Good Luck to both of you!
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Jason B on March 16, 2012, 04:25:34 am
Mate it is all there for taking together....build your life together.

As for the homesick part she will find ANY city in Australia totaly different to China.  No very tall building everywhere.  Sure some downtown in the CBD but that is it.  Xia did not understand the "we love living in our own suburb, with our front/backyard and gardens etc".  But now she has her own and loves it.  Although she still thinks of it as a farm as there is no tall buildings around.

Another thing to keep in mind.  In the paperwork your wife received it says that you are her sponsor and that is it and that you can only sponser one person/application.  Do not believe this.  Xia's mum is coming to Sydney on Monday for 3 months to look after her and the baby and I am her sponsor.  So her mum can come and visit some time if this makes it easier for them both.

Maybe some thing to consider/discuss in the future.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Mark_in_Canada on March 16, 2012, 09:05:01 am
Great to hear, John!!! I am very happy for you!!! I hope I will have good news soon also!!!  :)
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: lfputman3 on March 25, 2012, 11:30:15 pm
Again congrats and I've been told by a few friends in the legal community. Same thing applies in the states for sponsorship. So I will be sponsoring her mama for a work visa, when Yuan comes to America, b/c mama wants to make sure our little tea shop is success. That and I think she plans on man hunting stateside, instead of through the agencies. Handan as you and your bride know sees very few westerners, you should have seen the people walking into the restaurant when they realized my parents and sister had come. Like us though, many were disappointed in what happened to my friend who was coming to fill the role of 'brother' and best man.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on April 03, 2012, 06:10:19 am
Well guys and girls, Around 14 hours until wheels up and off to China again, MinYing is beside herself as I am too, Finally after nearly 2 years of that first email we will finally be re-united and start to live life together as husband and wife,(Trip #6 in 19 months $$, She is worth every penny :) :) :) ) I am VERY nervous at this moment, Thinking "what if", I have not been sleeping too well lately because of this HUGE STEP we both will be taking together with cultural differences and language but we will pro-vale, I have the full support from my family and they are all very happy to welcome MinYing in to our lives, I know she will be like a scared kitten for a while but she has reassured me that she will adapt quickly.
MinYing has been spending time with her family this past week preparing them for the pending departure, She tells me that her mother and our sister in-law have been shedding a few tears and I have voiced my feelings to the family for taking their daughter away from them, My wife's mother tells me that she will be very sad to see her daughter leave the home town but is happy and knows that I will protect her daughter always, The whole family has confidence in me in giving MinYing a good life here, From not wanting to know me they have really changed their opinions, I know how close Chinese families are and I feel lucky to have earned their trust, Foreigners were a no no in the eyes of the family, Well fellow travellers, I am in the middle of making the homestead spick and span for our return, I only hope my children can keep it this way  :P.
I think this forum is a "god send" with the wealth of knowledge and advice, I have had much advice from you guys over the last year or so and I hope the little in-put from me has helped some of you too, Well, Time to close now and I will up-date soon  ;D ;D ;D ;D, John .   
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on April 03, 2012, 11:43:27 am
Have a great Trip John and may your Life together start off with a big Bang of warm Love and always stay that way. Money/Time is sometimes a little price to Pay, for a match made in Heaven!
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Peter Arnold on April 04, 2012, 01:53:26 am
John, I wish you all the best with your wife. You are a lucky man. I can imagine there will be many tears at the airport. But the feeling when your wife is sitting beside you in the aircraft will be indescribable. Please keep us updated ;)
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on April 10, 2012, 10:55:21 pm
We arrived at 5:30 this-morning,  ;D ;D ;D ;D, she is in ore at the cleanliness and the lack of people and traffic, update very soon , John .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on April 11, 2012, 01:32:39 am
Well done John , and a big welcome to Minying to the best country in the world , now you will be kept busy ha ha , regards Sujuan and Robert .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Nigel on April 11, 2012, 02:49:27 am
congratulations John!!
Wow, I can almost see your smile from here!!
Tell her to come to Sydney, go down Paramatta Road on a Friday afternoon and she won't be missing the lack of traffic in yr town any longer!!  ;D ;D
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on April 11, 2012, 04:53:15 am
Welcome to Perth Minying...it is the best kept secret on the Planet  ;D ;D
You will love this small City, very friendly, very easy and wonderful clean air, good sunshine fresh food and no crowds.

I picked up my Ming this morning from the Airport...we missed you by a couple of hours...she was soooooo happy to be back in Perth, she vows she wont go back to Chengdu for at least a year.

All the best

David and Ming
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Jason B on April 11, 2012, 08:06:02 am
update very soon

Why what is wrong with one right now?  What could you possibly be doing that is more important??? huh huh

Congratulations on getting her to wonderful OZ not sure of the west though.........
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on April 11, 2012, 11:14:08 am
John, I know the "MOMENT" and the "FEELING" of finally being together ones and for all. Enjoying... I know you will be busy with!
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Martin on April 11, 2012, 01:00:27 pm
and a big welcome to Minying to the best country in the world

WOW, I thought they were in Australia...but apparently they are in Canada.  Welcome to Canada, eh!
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Robertt S on April 12, 2012, 08:12:19 pm
Ifputman3,
Did your friends inform you how difficult and time consuming an employment visa is to obtain? You will have to be her employer to qualify to sponsor your mother-in-law. Here is a link you can read that explains the process requirements.  http://www.dol.gov/compliance/guide/tnw.htm (http://www.dol.gov/compliance/guide/tnw.htm)   Your wife can apply for US citizenship after 3 years of becoming a permanent resident ( getting her greencard) Once she is a US citizen she can apply for her mother to immigrate to the US. I would think that would be the fastest and least expensive route other than a B2 visitor visa.If she applys for the visitor visa she should under no circumstances say she plans on working here or she will be denied on the spot! Anyhow, Good Luck and Congrats, Robert
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on April 17, 2012, 06:34:56 am
Well guys and girls, Nearly 1 week together and it has been great, MinYing loves Perth, She is still stunned at the big open spaces, Many parks and the beaches and the Swan river, She is like a child with some of the expressions on her face when I take her different places, Walking barefoot with Sand between her toes and feeling the ocean on her feet is sooo different for her.
We have travelled to Northbridge many times and she has already chosen her favourite groceries shops and feels good to be able to communicate with the Chinese shop keepers, Yes, She scrutinizes every product many times before making the decision to buy  :P Something I will have to get used too  :-\ .
I am not used to coming home and having someone greet me at the door with a big smile on their face but I am getting used to this very quickly  ;D The home is spotless always , Nothing out of place and the wonderful smell of Chinese groceries when I open the cupboards or the fridge.
We got a temporary medicare card the morning she arrived and I showed her around the Morley Galleria shopping centre and again she was amazed at the cleanliness of the complex, She is also very surprised to see so many different cultures here.
Dumplings were on the menu last night and only about 250 were made  :P :P :P Yes they were all consumed, My eldest daughter and her boyfriend consumed 2 big plates full and then my daughter claimed the rest to take to work for lunch the next morning.
Sunday we went to Hillarys boat harbour for breakfast where she put away 2 big plates compared to my 1  :P Next was to meet the family, MinYing was very nervous but was greeted warmly by the whole family, Not too often there is such a big gathering at the family home I was surprised to see so many there, The nieces were very happy to meet her and are excited to have a Chinese auntie, Mum gave her a big welcome and MinYing is overwhelmed with the kisses and cuddles she received from all the family members, She is not used to such affection.
When we laft Handan, There were tears from mother,auntie and sister in-law but no cuddles or touching in anyway, MinYing tells me it is not their way to show affection towards each-other  :'(
She looks beautiful as always and is still like an octopus when she sleeps with arms and legs all over me  ;) .
Well must close now as I have been told I spend too much time in front of the computer, By the way, She starts her new job Thursday, She cant sit at home as she wants to interact and improve her English, MinYing and John.     
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on April 17, 2012, 01:29:59 pm
Wonderful to hear John! Read I meant  :) .
You are in to be spoiled like you never even imagined. Ahhh.. Dumplings, I start to miss them.. as Qing loves to cook more western foods/dishes.. because they are easier to her and less dishes to wash  ;) . If I don't at least get my ones a week fix, I'll have to trade her in again.................................... NOT!
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: sunny on April 17, 2012, 08:32:50 pm
Well guys and girls, Nearly 1 week together and it has been great, MinYing loves Perth, She is still stunned at the big open spaces, Many parks and the beaches and the Swan river, She is like a child with some of the expressions on her face when I take her different places, Walking barefoot with Sand between her toes and feeling the ocean on her feet is sooo different for her.
We have travelled to Northbridge many times and she has already chosen her favourite groceries shops and feels good to be able to communicate with the Chinese shop keepers, Yes, She scrutinizes every product many times before making the decision to buy  :P Something I will have to get used too  :-\ .
I am not used to coming home and having someone greet me at the door with a big smile on their face but I am getting used to this very quickly  ;D The home is spotless always , Nothing out of place and the wonderful smell of Chinese groceries when I open the cupboards or the fridge.
We got a temporary medicare card the morning she arrived and I showed her around the Morley Galleria shopping centre and again she was amazed at the cleanliness of the complex, She is also very surprised to see so many different cultures here.
Dumplings were on the menu last night and only about 250 were made  :P :P :P Yes they were all consumed, My eldest daughter and her boyfriend consumed 2 big plates full and then my daughter claimed the rest to take to work for lunch the next morning.
Sunday we went to Hillarys boat harbour for breakfast where she put away 2 big plates compared to my 1  :P Next was to meet the family, MinYing was very nervous but was greeted warmly by the whole family, Not too often there is such a big gathering at the family home I was surprised to see so many there, The nieces were very happy to meet her and are excited to have a Chinese auntie, Mum gave her a big welcome and MinYing is overwhelmed with the kisses and cuddles she received from all the family members, She is not used to such affection.
When we laft Handan, There were tears from mother,auntie and sister in-law but no cuddles or touching in anyway, MinYing tells me it is not their way to show affection towards each-other  :'(
She looks beautiful as always and is still like an octopus when she sleeps with arms and legs all over me  ;) .
Well must close now as I have been told I spend too much time in front of the computer, By the way, She starts her new job Thursday, She cant sit at home as she wants to interact and improve her English, MinYing and John.   

我的天哪,这两个人终于走到了一起了!经过了千山万水、风风雨雨,太不容易了。作为一个看客,我是如此感动。

MinYing, 此刻,你和John是如此的光彩照人,你们是爱情故事里的英雄!我祝愿你们未来的生活充满阳光和欢乐,充满了爱。

有情人终成眷属,非常非常非常感动ing。


Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on April 29, 2012, 09:08:25 am
AAARRGH , HOW MUCH MY LIFE HAS CHANGED IN THE LAST TWO WEEKS,  ;D ;D , UP-DATE SOON  :P
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on April 29, 2012, 09:09:04 am
LOVING EVERY MINUTE  ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on April 29, 2012, 09:57:43 am
John you lucky dog!!!!!    ;D
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on April 29, 2012, 10:12:58 am
I know your still waiting Shaun, It is a big change in our lives,,, It takes some time to get used to but in the long run,,I LOVE EVERY MINUTE
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Irishman on May 03, 2012, 05:58:14 pm
John, loving your posts. Great to see another guy reaching the best part of the journey - life with our loved ones :)
Enjoy every minute, i still get a chuckle when my wife tells me to "Vancouver" the living room floor after i dropped a few crumbs or pass her the "towel paper" after dinner :D
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on May 13, 2012, 09:09:35 am
Hi guys and girls, Here we are 1 month living together as husband and wife after 17 months of being married,
How my life has changed, The smell of Chinese groceries have embedded themselves in the walls and carpet and the little touches of China are present in our home now from the smallest trinkets to the tapestry that MinYing loves to do so much.
I must tell you all that I now sleep better than ever with my wife in my arms than ever before,
 I have always had a bit of a "hot head" as my father is, MinYing has calmed me and I am happy that she has done so, I also have suffered from high blood pressure in the past few years and now I have had no need for the medication.
It is so good to wake every morning and find her holding me, She now has realised that here in Australia it is OK to show affection in public and she is not so shy, Every time my eldest daughter comes to visit MinYing welcomes the hugs and kisses, My parents and younger brother are the same, I guess it is just our way,,.
We both went to visit my brother and his wonderful wife Joanne last Sunday and when my brother opened the door, Their son Reece greeted MinYing with open arms, Only the 2nd time he had seen her, My brother was surprised at their sons reaction as he usually does not greet people in this way, MinYing and Reece had a good time communicating with his babble, (2 years old) and MinYings Chinese, They got on well together.
She loves the wide open spaces and the blue skies and the lack of cars on the road and also the crowds of people, I know that she misses her family but this is perfectly understandable, I too admit to miss my family every time I went to China for more than 2 weeks,
We have the phone card for cheap international calls and she also has QQ on her phone and computer to see and contact family and friends so she is very happy with today's technology, I too think it is a god send to have the ability to be so close even so far apart.
Well, 1 month here and she has a Medicare card,tax file number, job and a bank account, She is also every day practising her driving exam on-line and is getting a score of around 29 of 30 questions correct, Not long before we will buy her a car so she can get around, She is so ambitious, loving , caring, Beautiful, I wonder if it can get any better, John.
   
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: kenny on May 13, 2012, 09:22:36 am
Good for you John, the changes in your life sound very similar to mine. No need for blood pressure medication and the smells of the chinese cooking and of course the pleasent nature of a woman who is happy with her life.

I do have a question for you, you said that MinYing is studying for her driver exam online. Linda has also been working off and on for her driver license but using the Indiana driver manual. She has to translate allot of the words. What is the online site that MinYing is using this might be a big help for Linda. I should have asked this on here allready but did not think about it.

Good Luck to you and MinYing
Kenny
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on May 13, 2012, 09:28:30 am
John, I'm happy for MinYing and you.

Kenny, I read somewhere on this site a while back that you can find a California driving manual in Chinese online.  Look around a little or maybe someone will remember and post here.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Robertt S on May 13, 2012, 11:10:18 am
http://chineseinca.blogspot.com/2010/10/california-drivers-handbook-in-chinese.html (http://chineseinca.blogspot.com/2010/10/california-drivers-handbook-in-chinese.html)   :)
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Robertt S on May 13, 2012, 11:37:43 am
http://chineseinca.blogspot.com/2010/10/california-drivers-handbook-in-chinese.html (http://chineseinca.blogspot.com/2010/10/california-drivers-handbook-in-chinese.html)   :)

That link appears broken, but here is the link to the DMV site. Select publications at the top then select the drivers manual version you want!
http://dmv.ca.gov/portal/home/dmv.htm (http://dmv.ca.gov/portal/home/dmv.htm)
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on July 19, 2012, 03:18:36 am
Hi guys and girls, Well here we are after just over 3 months of FINALLY living as husband and wife, I have to confess that it is not what I was expecting, Never in my life have I known a woman to be so loving and caring towards me and treat me the way she does, Some of you here have mentioned that your wife's treat you like a King, I know the feeling, MinYing has a heart of gold and just wants to be treated with respect and love, No-matter what I do for her it is too much, She is so very happy now that we are together and lets me know every day with the small things she does and always has a smile on her face.
A while past we went to the local licencing centre as she wanted to go for her learners permit to drive, The person who organised the computer test was understanding of MinYings limited English so he went to set up the test on the computer and then left her to complete the test alone, I could see her get frustrated through the window as the on-line test had many pictures and the one she was taking was mainly questions written in English  :(, She went through the 30 questions and then went over them again and submitted her test, I myself thought that she had failed as for the lack of pictures on the test, BUT , She, And I was soooo happy that MinYing had returned a perfect score 30/30, Now with about 10 driving lessons under her belt she is very confident, "and happy" as none of her friend back home do not drive and they are also happy for her  :).
A while past i noticed MinYing would take photos of bus stops in different places we have been  :-\, I never questioned her about this but to later on find out that she was looking for the bus numbers so she could travel to these places alone if needed, "smart woman", Any how, She has enrolled herself in English classes and also a course for "aged care", All government backed as Australian government do subsidise these courses for immigrants.
When we was in China the show of affection in public was very limited, As for now she has completely changed, Always reaching for my hand, Kisses too in front of her work mates and always a smile from ear to ear  ;D,
She is not the same woman I met in September 2010, She to me today looks younger and so much full of life, I myself have a new lease on life and have never been happier.
MinYing is always happy to see the children and try to communicate with them, Every time I tell my eldest daughter that we are having dumplings for dinner she always makes an excuse to come for a visit  :), MinYing is always happy to see her and loves the show of affection from her.
Anyway guys and girls, MinYing is working until 9pm tonight so I might surprise her by taking her dinner, She loves my Thai chicken and bamboo with chilli and oyster sauce, I usually pick her up at 5pm but Thursdays she works late, I know I will be in the good books if I produce dinner tonight  ;)
MinYing and John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on July 19, 2012, 06:01:06 am
Great result John

Willy
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on July 19, 2012, 11:06:23 am
Good for you John... just think, I've been through this "Torture" for almost three years?
Makes the Twilight of our Life the most wonderful years.. in a true sense of the word.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Jason B on July 19, 2012, 07:46:55 pm
haha told you so........

Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on January 03, 2013, 11:25:53 pm
Well here we are 9 months later, MinYing has adjusted to her new life very well, English has improved tenfold and she is very ambitious, She is still a little dis-heartened that she can not earn equivalent as to me but this is no problem, Affection, WOW, I guess being alone for 2 years has made me forget of the affection of a woman, Being treated like a king is still too much for me, I am used to being independent and having my "alone time", I do like time to relax and watch TV alone but I guess I have to make adjustments now we are together.
Driving lessons are going well although she seems to have a "lead foot" and i keep telling her to slow down :P :P, She absolutely loves my kids and is always worried that my son has not had enough to eat  :-\, I myself have gained around 13 kilos and am uncomfortable but she does not want to hear my cries or despair.
We have planned a trip to China in April to see the family and friends for around 28 days, A surprise attack, She wants to just turn-up on the family door step with no warning :).
She is dedicated to her work even-though only part-time but she feels she must "pull her weight", Dont you just love Chinese women.
We go to the beach most days now the weather has been in the 40s and she just loves getting dunked by the waves at Scarborough beach, Sand in the hair, CAR and other places ???.
I must admit that it has not all been rosy but we will accept our differences and learn from each-other, Communication has been improving daily as she is now totally immersed in an English speaking population, She has many Chinese friends here and still daily uses QQ to keep in-touch with friends back home.
We had a surprise visit from a lady that I met on QQ about 1 year ago, She also has my wife's QQ so they were in contact quite often, I got a call from Anna telling me that she would arrive from Melbourne that day, I told MinYing and she was not too happy that another woman was coming to "AFFECT" our lives :-[, Needless to say that by the end of the evening they were best of friends and MinYing was very happy to have her stay at our home, Anna could only spare a few days but we all made good friends , She loves Perth and hopes in the near future to get a working visa and maybe find a boyfriend here, She is only 35 and a barrel of laughs and speaks good English.
Well many things have changed in the last 9 months, The court case with my ex has finally finished and i came out ok, Her lawyer cost her over 100k and mine around 30k, haha, suffer gold-digger.
Christmas holiday is almost over and i cant wait to return to work , BORING, .
anyhow guys and girls HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL, I hope that all of you that are still waiting for visa approval will get good news soon, MinYing and John.
 
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on January 04, 2013, 08:00:04 am
Great story and great Photo's John. 

Willy
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on January 04, 2013, 10:10:17 pm
For once I have to agree with Willy.  ::)
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on January 04, 2013, 10:17:29 pm
For once I have to agree with Willy.  ::)

Are you sure Shaun.  I did write 6 words. ;D ;D ;D

Willy
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on April 02, 2013, 04:37:11 am
Guangzhou and beyond, We left Perth on Friday morning and arrived in Guangzhou around 5;30 and made out way to the hotel only to find that they rebooked on us,  >:(, about 40 minutes later we found a hotel in a lane way that was clean and cheap, The rain never stopped for the 3 nights we were there but it wasn't too bad, I now realise that i do hate they way that the restaurants prepare every meal saturated in oil or with more fat on the bone instead of meat, so i have had more rice than i care to mention.
We went to the Canton radio tower for a look, Quite an impressive feat at over 600 meters tall but again for the rain view from the observation deck was impossible as we were up there with the rain clouds.
Guangzhou was a place for the locals to annoy tourists trying to sell handbags and genuine ROLEX watches, I had enough of this after the first 5 minutes, Many western tourists in the city centre so it was good not to be bothered by everyone saying HELLO every 5 seconds.
Caught the morning train to Shenzhen, nice and smooth at 160kph and took just over an hour, Arrived at the train station where i realised that there aren't so many tourists as Guangzhou, within 5 minutes there were 2 young ladies asking if they can have their photograph taken with me, MinYing returned from the toilet and was not happy, I am so over the jealousy of a Chinese woman, It was only a photo, Anyway we caught a taxi to the hotel   where we found out that i booked for the previous day for hotel but they was happy to give us a room at the discounted price i get when i book through www.chinahotels.org (http://www.chinahotels.org)  , The hotel has a big room and is clean and only 288rmb per-night, Took a trip to the ocean, lovely blue skies and white sand  ;D, HAHA not really, reminds me of home really, ENGLAND, nothing compared to the beaches in Pert.
We went for a meal last night and MinYing lorded chicken hotpot  :-[ Hate hot pot so i went for a walk to let her enjoy her meal alone, I do like walking the back streets and seeing what they have to sell, i find some interesting objects there and even a westerner can haggle the prices, I was standing on a busy street corner when i was approached by a gorgeous young lady and she asked if she was beautiful "I CALL A SPADE A SPADE" she was lovely, then she asked if i would like her for the night  ;D, This is my first time to be approached, I pretended i did not understand Chinese then i hurried back to my Lao Po and watched her eat as nothing happened.
We went to a HUGE park today where they have many models of different cities, the skies opened up and the rain fell, still raining now some 5 hours later , what a walk that was but well worth the time, glad we took the umbrella, Thousands of people there enjoying the many sights, A very good replica of the Eiffel tower and mt Rushmore, Even though other exhibits were to a smaller scale it was still a good way to spend a day.
Shenzhen is a huge metropolis and should be remembered for the shortest miniskirts in China, I really enjoy Gerrys hobby of Girl watching, Other than this i find Shenzhen to be a clean city compared to other places i have been to in China, Well guys and girls, off to Hangzhou tomorrow so we must buy tickets this-evening, Keep you all posted , John and MinYing. 
PS, the helicopter above mt Rushmore is not team America returning to base ;D
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Pineau on April 02, 2013, 10:49:04 am
Shenzhen
Shenzhen was a frontier city. Like Capone's Chicago. Gangsters, mob, drugs and prostitution. It was a party city for  business men from Hong Kong and China.  I cant remember the street name (it is not far from Lohu station)  but there was a time when you could take a taxi down that street and see dozens of lovely ladies dressed in formal gowns, walking along the road looking for a customer.  Or go to a night club and have your pick of 50 or more lovely young girls to come entertain you while you watched the floor show. The government  started cleaning it up in the late 1990's and they try to keep it that way. I remember hearing about the vans that patrolled this district loading the girls up and ushering them away and the military being stationed at the entrance to the discos and night clubs. They really changed things, but as John has discovered, you can never completely eradicate it. It is still there  but just not so open. Because after all it is part of the culture .

About Girl watching.  

Shenzhen is one of the best places and here is why.   One of my very first exposures to China  was to go to Shenzhen, start up, outfit and tool a factory and train the technical staff.
 
Shenzhen is a manufacturing city. There are hundreds of bonded factories in Shenzhen building all sorts of gadgets for foreign companies.
There is not enough labor to fill all those factories so the labor is imported from the countryside. Behind most of the factories are large dormitories full of young high school grads from all over China.  This is how they fill the labor shortage and most of them are young girls. They usually come for a two year contract. They get to share a room with about 5 other girls. A small food allowance and more money than they could ever make working in their home town. The factory where I was working had several hundred girls walking from the dormitory to the factory at shift change and  the girls that just got off were milling around talking, giggling and playing badminton. And the great majority of them head out to the shopping centers. Hundreds of them.  The really talented ones are kept by the factory and the rest are cut loose at the end of the contract. 

They become accustomed to this lifestyle and their families are accustomed to the extra money the kids are sending home. When their contract is up they do not want to go home. Some go to school and work toward a better job.   And here is a harsh fact of life in china. If your young and pretty (sexy) you will find a good job or wealthy boyfriend.  If you are plain you might as well head back home  or turn to working in KTV bars , Discos or prostitution.  the really unattractive girls go back to their home town. The pretty ones stay and manage a better life however you wish to define it . These are the girls walking around Shenzhen and some are so amazingly beautiful they will leave you breathless when you first lay eyes on them. Being married is a blessing that keeps me out of serious trouble but I am free to look and stare all I want.

I am sure there are other cities like this in China but Shenzhen is the one that I am most familiar with. And as time goes on Shenzhen seem to be a more progressive city with good planning.  One of the many success stories in Guangdong.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on April 08, 2013, 12:52:08 am
hey guys and girls, we left Shenzhen and went to the train station to go to Hangzhou only  to find the only train was the slow :cattle train", 21 long and uncomfortable hours,,, the first 6 or 7 hours were not so bad as for the beautiful terrain, mountains and many rice fields, We sat with 4 younger people in their early 20s and they were a good bunch to sit with, laughing and joking and playing cards, I watched the game for many hours but could not understand it, The train was packed to the rafters of course so no sleep.
We arrived i Hnagzhou to greet our QQ friend Anna, She and my wife were  happy to be re-united, The girls went shopping and i stayed in the hotel as for no sleep for 48 hours, I had a bottle of bai jiu so i was not alone,We had a god sleep and Anna was on our doorstep early the next morning, she showed us many places in her city and i find it to be quite clean compared to many other cities we have travelled.
The weather there was quite warm and pleasant so all the women wore summer clothes, the usual very short skirts and high heel shoes, "i do love the  Chinese fashion compared to the Australian", The girls had a great time together walking ahead of me hand in hand and giggling always, They would do each others make-up every morning and wear each-others clothes  :-[ women  ;D.
Anna is a lovely, humours woman with very  good English skills an is looking for an Australian husband, she is 36, slim and a smart woman, she has a new house in Hangzhou an her own car, Any takers ??. 
We left Hangzhou yesterday morning to come to CIXI city in Ningbo to meet another Q friend of mine, Anna was sorry to see us go and her and MinYing are constantly messaging each-other, So tomorrow morning we will return to Hangzhou again  :P, for a few days before  going to my wife's home-town for a surprise visit to the family and friends.
CIXI is not so busy but much construction happening,very clean too, My friend Alice met us in the hotel lobby and was so pleased that we came to visit her, A very attractive 32 year old woman, well dressed with a good job, she brought along a work college, another pleasant lady around 25, Both of them can speak English well so there  was much conversation, I got the usual stares for dining with 3 beautiful women by many people, They do not see many  westerners here so many people stop in their tracks when they see me  ;D, I just stare back then they always give the biggest smile, Chinese are so friendly in every city i go to, I get the usual request for photos too be taken with the young girls which annoys  my wife  ::) but i don't like too be rude and refuse, Alice will come here after work tonight and we will all go for a meal and then probably  more shopping  :-[, Never mind, I do like the clothes and for my wife to look god when we go out together,Lunch time now and i am hungry, Up-date later buys, John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on July 16, 2013, 09:27:24 am
so sick of this one-sided relationship, i cant have friends, my wife is to jealous, time to give-up, ive had enough
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on July 16, 2013, 10:10:59 am
Whoa! Take one step back John.

Whats happened since April to now?

It sounded as if things were going well when you made the train ride.

Willy
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on July 16, 2013, 10:37:36 am
There has to be more to this story than she won't let me have friends, John.

Is it possible for you to explain more?
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on July 16, 2013, 11:54:51 am
??????????????

Jealousy=Poison.. ones more! This really must be bad, for you to jump out of the circle "Love" so quickly?

Sad.. sad it truely is!
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: LP on July 16, 2013, 12:17:34 pm
so sick of this one-sided relationship, i cant have friends, my wife is to jealous, time to give-up, ive had enough
    When you say I can't have friends John,is this women friends or men and women? Sammy is jealous too.She have this crazy idea a young woman will come and take me away from her.She said that in China some men leave their wife for a young woman.I tell her I will not do this too.It took me a long time to brake this thinking from her.It isn't one hundred % broken.But it much better now than when before.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: maxx on July 16, 2013, 07:50:41 pm
You all need to slow down.Nobody told you that it was going to be a walk in the park.Tell the tale.We can probably get this worked out for you.I remind you of rule #2 Different country different customs.Live her life.Know where she is coming from and what she has had to deal with.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Martin on July 16, 2013, 09:21:57 pm
Wow, that brought back memories of my marriage. When I read the frustration in his post, all my bad memories came back.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on July 17, 2013, 12:17:28 am
Maybe we should all back of a while until John feels he is able to explain his current predicament.

We are starting to make assumptions here without knowing the full story.

We certainly do not know what 'traits' his wife is showing CB

He may have written what he did in a moment of anxiety or frustration.  So lets see what he wants to tell us about it.

Willy



Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JohnB on July 17, 2013, 08:51:18 pm
"And pictures are not an absolute requirement
 here. They serve no purpose in helping people
 who are thinking of doing this. Already heard
 about the ones I did post and it was not a
 good thing!"


CB,
I think you are a bit over sensitive to a non- issue.
I think it is great that you have a slug of posts strewn out & about this forum. It does not matter if a few are nonsensical...other posts are very informative. It sort of awoke a lot of people! Brings out the passion of a lot of the members here. Doesn't it?
Well, getting to the personal side of what you wrote. I, for one, think your wife is very attractive. That's what I think. & it is apparent she must be very cerebral considering she married you. A huge plus!
Now, isn't that what this forum is all about?
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on July 18, 2013, 12:40:36 am
John thanks for the compliment on my wife. Appreciate that. She is the one who doent want pictures posted all over the net. So I will abide by that. That's all

What a good answer that was. Congratulations. ::)

Willy

Now.. now you two. I see eyebrows raised here between you two, please take you difference's that don't belong under "Love Stories".. which I see none off.. to the PM or leave it at the WC.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on July 18, 2013, 02:24:04 am
Its OK Arnold there will be no more comments from my side now.

My recent contact with CB off the forum has been very informative and eye opening.

I apologise to John1964 as his problem is definately more pressing than petty squabbles.

Willy

 
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on July 21, 2013, 02:37:45 am
Hi guys and girls, Willy, you was correct that my last post was out of sheer anger and frustration, My wife does not like me having QQ friends as she says Chinese women can be unscrupulous and will do anything to find a foreign man weather married or not, A QQ friend of mine sent me a kiss as a joke , she is younger than me and i have no interest in her or any other woman but my wife, MinYing saw this and was furious, so all hell broke loose, anyway i have calmed down and explained to my wife that this was a joke and nothing more.
I reminded my wife that I travelled to China 7 or 8 times to be with her and her only, Never before in my life have i travelled abroad to be with a woman, she often needs reminding that she is my one and only, she is in the thinking that some younger woman will steal me away from her.
MinYing has not had a job for some months now and is bored staying at home so her mind is wondering and playing tricks on her, I leave for work around 5;30 every morning and arrive home around 4--4;30, if i wash my hands before i come home then she thinks i have been to see someone else, when she had a job she was happy and content and her mind was at ease, A few days ago she started a new job and i can see she has changed back to her old ways, very loving and affectionate,  :), Well this is not the end of our relationship just another bump along the road, To those 2 guys that sent me a private email i thank you, its good to know that there are people here who have had similar problems and are willing to help, John
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on July 21, 2013, 04:05:44 am
Well I for one am very pleased that things have normalised so to speak. 

Do we all get angry and frustrated at times however much we love our wife, of course we do. We would not be human if we did not.   You should spend 10 minutes with my wife driving to see that come out in me.

The fact that she was not working at that time did play a big part in her thoughts.  Chinese ladies in particular like to feel they are playing their part in the financial aspects of marriage.   

Willy
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on July 21, 2013, 05:30:37 pm
I'm glad to hear that everything is back to normal whatever that is.  ;D

Title: Re: my love story
Post by: yvictor on July 25, 2013, 11:21:32 pm
so sick of this one-sided relationship, i cant have friends, my wife is to jealous, time to give-up, ive had enough

I felt the same way sometimes - we've been married for three years now, and as time goes by I feel that my wife gets more and more controlling and that makes me mad on occasion.
But then I realize though that this is something I can manage, and she is controlling mostly with things that are in our best interest, and that calms me down.
Just like you, I also made her upset when I talked to ladies online too much - she told me "Imagine the opposite - if I talked a lot to guys online, how would you feel?" and I realize she is right, I would feel bad...
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on July 25, 2013, 11:57:01 pm
Just like you, I also made her upset when I talked to ladies online too much - she told me "Imagine the opposite - if I talked a lot to guys online, how would you feel?" and I realize she is right, I would feel bad...
[/quote]

Yvictor, my wife does talk to men on-line, here in Australia, I dont have a problem with this, but she has a problem with me talking to others 12,000 kilometres away,  :P, John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on July 26, 2013, 11:44:08 am
[quote author=john1964 link=topic=2801.msg64409#msg64409 date=1374811021

...... my wife does talk to men on-line, here in Australia, I dont have a problem with this, but she has a problem with me talking to others 12,000 kilometres away,  :P, John.[/quote]

John, without me getting too personal.. is your LaoPo talking to those Men for Business or other reasons?
If it's for "other" reasons, your Wife needs a good talk/scolding from her Parents (Mom) regarding what she's doing to "Her" marriage. Get in contact with them somehow and let them know this is happening. That it is pulling you two apart if not stopped soon.
If it's for Business, well then.. she has an "Excuse" in a way.. but I'm sure it's not to find somebody else and I'm also sure you know this too. Anyway, if "Mom" can't help and point this out.. then there needs to be another third party to get involved to help you two.

I've been through the jealousy grinder for many years myself, only my patience has kept me from loosing it. I did drive myself sometimes for hours away from home, just not to get too upset and make it worse. Which is funny, I'd spend a night away ( Vegas) and after I called her before I was on my way back.. my late wife's tune had changed all of a sudden and the jealousy part was forgotten for now at least.. when me spending a night "Away" should have made her actually even more jealous? It is hard to figure out some Women for sure and yes I'm more than lucky that Qing is nowhere even near my first wife. It had to do with being 12 yrs. younger and I knew it and adjusted the best I could to the situation. You need to do the same, til' it turns over to a better page and it will. Be patient, back off and not force the issue.. your Friends will wait this out with you.. if they are real friends.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on July 26, 2013, 03:31:33 pm
Just my 2 cents worth......!!

I DONT talk to ladies on internet...period.

If I did, my wife would be justifiably livid and also would feel let-down, hurt and above all , bewildered.

We jointly have a number of friends, male and female and talking to them is no biggie...its a joint thing.

If I found my wife talking to single Men on internet, or QQ type stuff, I would be VERY snarly.

We made a vow that we want to be together because we "have forsaken all others"

We neither of us have any need to explore other relationships, we are happy enough with the one we have together and have no wish to test it or spoil it.

It may be 2013 and all emancipated and liberal...but form way back, you cant mess with a relationship this way.

I think if a couple have a need to talk to other single people , then thay best do something to get their relationship in better shape.

I dont believe there is any such thing as a friendship with single, potential partners from within a marriage.

But then again, I'm an old fashioned grump, and that's my view, Happily, that view is shared by my wife !!!
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Mark_in_Canada on July 26, 2013, 04:21:17 pm
I agree with what David said, maybe we are old fashioned, but a serious relationship deserves it!!!
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Pineau on July 26, 2013, 08:29:51 pm
If you are just chatting with other women with no other purpose than socializing then you should stop. The same goes for her. It is not good for a spouse to have a talk buddy of the opposite sex outside the marriage. Its just too dangerous that the friendship could grow into something else.

But here is the catch. She is in a foreign land without an intimate friend that can understand her feelings in her language. She needs this. Hopefully you can fill most of that need but you are not Chinese. You don't understand fully the way she feels and she cant tell you in her native language. She needs a confidant a close girlfriend that speaks her language. I would put a stop to the idle chit chat and forbid it unless she is helping him solve a business problem. If she is using him for support or something she needs from you then you should have a long talk with her and find out what it is that she is missing and fix it.

In my situation Fiona an I have come to an agreement that  allow up to keep our friends without spending too much time online socializing.   It works for us.  She also has unlimited telephone calls to her best girlfriend.   She can talk and share her feelings as  much as she wants if it helps her cope with her stupid husband.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on July 26, 2013, 08:33:06 pm
Remember why we looked at the Asian beauties in the first place?  Were we not fed up with western women's ways?  Were we not looking for true partnership and loyalty?  Then why does one feel the need to communicate with single Asian women or for that matter any woman who is still looking for a man?

I'm with David on this issue.  I don't need to be communicating with other "single" women by myself on the internet or face to face. 

Since I have found my lovely Peggy I have helped one other person find a man.  It was a close friend of Peggy's.  Not mine.  I did it reluctantly because if the relationship went wrong who do you think they would look at?  Me.

But I don't help other women,  I don't talk to other women at length except at work about work or my lovely bride.  Now if one breaks down on the road and needs a tire change or runs out of gas I'm on my way but when the task is completed I thank them and leave.

There is that old saying that covers all ethnic groups.  "If mamma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."  It should be one of Maxx's after marriage rules I think.  :)
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Martin on July 26, 2013, 10:05:44 pm
I am with David E on this one too. I have no single women friends. Why play with fire unless I want to get burned? It is not worth it to me. I do have married woman friends but that is okay because they're married, usually to good friends of mine.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on July 27, 2013, 02:45:43 am
ok guys, this started after i had be-friended a woman, who is married and lives in Ningbo, we chatted often and had seen her on web cam about 3 times with my wife present at the same time, They both seemed to get on well together so there was no problem, when we last visited China we both took a trip to Ningbo to visit Alice, we went for a meal with her and her work college, everything went well and we parted company and returned to Hangzhou to see a mutual friend then off to my wife's home city of Handan, i had a few QQ conversations with Alice then she said something that took me by surprise, she asked me if I wanted to be alone with her and if i come back to Ningbo she would accompany me and then told me that her husband had not made love to her in 2 months, The red flags were raised so I decided to Delete her QQ contact and I told my wife of these messages, I came clean with her and told her about these messages, MinYing was not impressed.
So this is why she does not like me having QQ friends, I do speak to a couple of single younger women but they only want to improve their English and call me "Teacher", It is my dream to return to China and become a teacher so i do enjoy teaching on-line with these "students", I also teach my wife English every day and she has improved dramatically from learning in China too.
My wife has general "chit chat" with a couple of men here but it is harmless, I am not going to tell her to stop as I see no harm in this, She has had a couple of "friends" who have gone too far with the chat and she has showed me the conversations then deleted them, She, as I always make it clear that we are married from the start.
My QQ has a photo of my wife and I with her sons, Many women on QQ asked h we met and have asked for help to meet a foreigner so i give them the web address www.xingfulove.com (http://www.xingfulove.com) ,they are happy to have this opportunity to find a western man and 4 have joined to the best of my knowledge.
Anyhow, MinYing has been working lately and her mind is at ease again, she is back to her old ways of "disturbing" me every minute as I watch tv and being as playful as before, I know when you sit at home for many months your mind does "wonder", Even though her job is not as busy as she would like, she is happy again, she can never be a stay at home wife,
things are good again and I know this will not be the last bump in the road, we will carry on and see what's around the corner but not loose sight of our future together, John.   
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on August 26, 2013, 03:23:35 am
Just got conformation that MinYings PR visa was granted on 23/08/13, going to pick her up from work now and see her reaction to this good news, John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on August 26, 2013, 04:18:19 am
I am happy for the both of you.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on August 26, 2013, 11:25:20 am
Good news indeed!  ;)
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on August 26, 2013, 04:54:43 pm
Good one John...next stop Citizenship  ;D ;D

Did you do the application for PR yourself ?
We did, it was a pretty simple operation. Ming tells me of a friend she has in Carnarvon who just paid an Agent $7000 (yes, $7000) to do her PR application.......some people got more money than sense !!!!

Cheers...David
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on August 26, 2013, 11:07:49 pm
Thanks guys, It is good news, David, $7.000, that is ridiculous, I did not do the PR myself as we had a denial for the visitors visa after we were married, I did not want to take a chance so i paid a local immigration lawyer in Osborne park to do the work, it cost $2800, a far cry from $7.000, anyway, money well spent, MinYing has only been here for 16 months, the process was fast, not the 2 years that we were told. John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: RobertBfrom aust on August 27, 2013, 04:41:06 am
That is great news John for you and MinYing , happy days ahead , regards Sujuan and Robert .
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on September 20, 2013, 03:15:11 am
Dont really know what to make of this, my wife recently quit her job as the place was never busy enough for her, she said that she would like to go see her mama for 2 weeks, i agreed so last Saturday we booked her a flight for her, Wednesday she sent me a message asking how much money she will be taking with her, as a joke i replied $1, she was furious, she sent back a message saying she wanted $3,000 for 2 weeks, I asked why so much for so little time and then a flood of messages came back saying "i am your wife your not willing for me to spend, you put me as a child, i know you despise me, you need money not a wife, you've been playing with my mind, do you not think i dont know", then another message saying "i thank the god for giving me such a good husband", i decided not to reply to these and just leave work go home and sort this out, she carried on about my ex, a Thai woman, and how i brought her what she wanted, This woman was manipulative and when i stopped the cash flow she ended the relationship, good riddance i say, It cost me a lot in lawyers and 3 years of my life and now i am struggling to get back on my feet.
Anyway, i explained all this "again" and things were sweet, I asked why she wanted to take $3,000 for 2 weeks and she told me that she wanted to give her mother $1,000, This was ok with me as i know this is important to many in the Chinese culture, she also told me that she wanted to give her sons a large amount of cash also, I explained to her that if her BASTARD of an ex-husband saw this money then he would take it off of the kids and they would not get to enjoy any of it, she could see my point in this, i told her that i dont work 7 days a week to give her ex my hard earned money, she saw the sense in this.
this-morning came and i took her to the airport and things were fine, i took her to the departure lounge and she asked for more money, she had over $2,000 with her , i said i had no-more with me, she stared at me and then turned and went , not a look back or "i love you", i left and pondered over this for an hour and then called her phone twice, no answer, i called again and her voice was so cold, just a HELLO, i asked why she was in a bad mood and she said she was happy, no other conversation from her, i sent her a message saying i only had $200 on me and her reply was that i am a cheat ???, i replied with confusion , what is wrong with you, i am not a cheat, and then she replied, do not take me for a fool, you do not love me, my heart is with another person, my heart sunk so low when i read this, maybe just a bad translation, i hope so, then about 20 minutes later another message saying "i am going now loa gong, thank you, i called her and she was fine, im really confused at this moment, i am waiting for a call from her when she arrives at HK airport, it has been eight and a half hours now and still nothing, i looked for my itinerary for her flight plan and she should have arrived by now but her phone is switched off,   im really at my wits end over what has transpired over the last few days, i dont know what to think or do, I just hope i get a message from her soon , John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on September 20, 2013, 04:20:46 am
John,

I don't really know if this will help but...  You know women can be moody and fickle at times.   Something similar happened to me recently with Peggy and I just rode it out.  She finally sorted out what was bothering her and she apologized for the way she was acting.   I'm sure I was having a lot of the same thoughts you are having.

Sometimes it frustrates the crap out of me because my wife seems to measure my love for her by the money I give to her.  The one thing I do is I don't give her more than I am able to give.  I think it is a Chinese cultural thing because I've heard other guys frustrated over the same issue.

All I would say is to wait it out and see if things change.

Shaun
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: fivetrout on September 20, 2013, 07:34:03 am
Yikes! These are the things family and friends all warned us about! This woman is a spoiled brat! Not what you signed up for. She knows how to push all your emotional buttons, and has no remorse in causing you pain and suffering. If me? I'd tell me to stay there until she can be the loving wife you want and she promised to be! Be the man and don't take her crap. Tough love is required here! A greedy manipulative bitch is what you have here...culture or not. I've been in such a gut wrenching situation myself, but time and lessons learned need to be practiced here. She needs a "time out" and you need to put your big boy boots on. I hate to be so harsh and blunt...but you need to stop the bleeding!
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Neil on September 20, 2013, 07:52:07 am
"Don't you dare treat me that way.  I am your husband, and you will treat me with the same respect I treat you, or you can find yourself another husband." is what I would say. 
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Philip on September 20, 2013, 08:04:43 am
John, I feel  for you. Your wife is acting  like a spoilt child. She does not have the monopoly on feelings. In fact, with your dignified silence, you have proven yourself the adult in this relationship.
In my opinion, you have 2 options: 1. tell her how her unreasonable shifts in mood make you feel, and say that if she ever says anything that questions your 100% loyalty to her again, you will drive to an unspecified  location and turn off your phone for 24 hours. Or 2. You decide together on a monthly amount to be put in her bank account, and she is under strict instructions not to say what she does with the money, and she is forbidden from asking for more once it is agreed. If either of these conditions are not met, she forfeits the money.
I suppose both of these options are the way you would deal with a wayward child, but she needs a reality check. If this is way she behaves in normal circumstances, how will she behave if things get difficult?
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JohnB on September 20, 2013, 12:49:46 pm
"...Once we worked though it and sorted it all out then we are the best of friends. There
will always be disagreements and negotiations but you don't need to be adversaries out
to get the better of the other.  You want to be partners."

Hey Gerry, right on!

Relationships, all different aren't they, are sometimes like walking a tight rope, the more problems,
the higher up the rope. I think maybe a different approach to John's problem resolution may be in order.
John, you mentioned you want to teach children English in China. Go! Get out of Australia, go to China,
teach English. That was your stated desire. One thing I would not do, and that is to go to Handan.
I would go far from away from that city. Show your independence. Be strong.
For the sake of your marriage, or most importantly, YOUR happiness, do what YOU want to do. Establish
YOUR set of rules. Play YOUR life's game. This approach makes no demands on her whatsoever! I guess
you would say this is an 'end- a- round'  maneuver in problem resolution.
Do not try to think what she thinks. Do not consider what she says. Be passive with her, but be resolute,
you are not confronting her, not demanding of her anything. Be STRONG! You mark your line in the sand,
now it is her choice whether to cross or not cross.
Go and teach English to children. Enjoy your life in China.
If she loves you, then she will join you wherever in China you may be.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Arnold on September 20, 2013, 03:45:25 pm
 ....."This was ok with me as i know this is important to many in the Chinese culture".....

This is exactly what it is. She's going back and being married to a western Man, she of course want's (better yet... needs) to show good "Face" especially to her Family members. It now has gotten so bad, that some expect when being "Re-visited" it should be in the 100's of dollars (even a thousand) to be given at those return Trips... to Parents/Uncle's/Aunt's/Brother's/Sister's and of course their own Kid's if left behind for the time being.
Going back "Short" (which in your case, as they all have their set amount of whats right), is too lose major Face. This also "washes" your Face at the same time. This, in certain cases just can not be helped... one either lives with it or it will cause too much to handle for either side and we know what the outcome for this is....

I hope both of you can overcome this with even terms and a lasting Marriage/Relationship left!
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on September 20, 2013, 04:19:55 pm
John B

The word is "emotional blackmail"

This Lady seems to be pushing buttons and pulling strings to make you jump around to meet her agenda. What exactly this agenda is is difficult for an outsider to figure out.
I fully agree with what has been said by others here...you did not sign up for this and you inevitably have got to say " It stops here, now, period"

If you allow this scenario to persist, YOU will be the casualty. You have brought this lady, at great trouble and expense, to live in what can only be described as a paradise compared to what she had previously. You did this for LOVE and you have every right for this to be appreciated and respected.

Time to get tough Mate....

Stop this rot...NOW

Cheers...David
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JohnB on September 20, 2013, 06:46:36 pm
DavidE,
I agree with you the “emotional blackmail”. John has spent a sh*tload of money & time...& his emotions on her. Long thread.
33 pages. November 13, 2010.
I think it still growing. If he were to develop the tough hide, I would be very, very surprised. I
do not think it is in him.
It is presumptuous for me to infer anything other than a basic lack of respect by his wife. I'm giving John the benefit of the
doubt. He has mentioned his want of work in China teaching English to children. Whether or not the circumstance of marriage
failure does exist, at least John would not be alone in Australia stewing in his own juices, wondering what the f*ck went wrong?
What now? I think it safe to say that John would have an easier time going forward in life than his wife, that is, if he were in China. 

 
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: maxx on September 20, 2013, 09:13:01 pm
OK Then.Cause and effect.Before somebody pulls out the cross. And we strap John's wife to it.Why don't we find out why. she started acting this way.Has she always acted this way? Or has it just started. In the last couple of months. If it has just ben the last couple of months.Then What has changed in the relationship.Is somebody spitting poison in this woman's ear? Has John done something he shouldn't of done.

David E and the rest of you guys.Do make a good point.Emotional blackmail should never be used.And neither should revenge.Ore the strong right arm of the dictator.John  needs to sit down with his wife.And find out whats eating at her.Then they can either move forward.Or stop this thing before somebody really doe's get hurt.

If I had to guess.What is eating at her.I would probably agree with Arnold.Or I would say it is the enternet friend John was talking to.John may thought it was a done deal.But his wife mite be thinking different.Or it mite of left a bad taste in her mouth.

Rule # 1 different country different customs. We have discussed this before.Your wives's are from a different country.With it's own set of customs.One of the customs is you don't talk to another woman.Even if she is 6,000 miles away.If your wife's first husband ran off with another woman.Or he was playing house with another women before he left his wife.

I know you are thinking well she went to Aussie land.So she needs to live and act like a Aussie.Well she probably will.But it isn't going to happen over night.John needs to slow the roll.And talk to his wife and figure this out.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: fivetrout on September 20, 2013, 09:32:46 pm
It seems John's story has hit home with most of us with flashbacks of sorts with our own failed relationships. It took me a long time to figure out my own issues that had allowed me to relinquish power in a past relationship. Today, I won't take any effort by a woman to dictate anything to me! John needs to see himself as the prize in a relationship, and that she must measure up to him...not the other way around! At that point equality in the relationship can be hashed out. 
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Martin on September 20, 2013, 10:11:42 pm
Great advice from all of you guys, and certainly a lot for John to sift through and to consider. The part that catches my eye is how fast her moods swing from one way to the other. Could she be bi-polar? Maybe some other mental disorder...depression, or severe homesick?  I am just thinking that maybe there is an explanation.

I am with the others here...tough love. Shape up, or ship out.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on September 21, 2013, 12:34:49 am
I think once again John has dived into spreading out his emotions onto this forum at an early stage. As in previous case this is in frustration rather than a real sense of despair.  You will note that since posting it John has not been back so as on previous occasions it is likely to be another storm in a teacup that never was.

It is probably frustration on both of their parts and that is probably through lack of understandable translations between them. We may think our women understand everything but do they, do we understand exactly what they say?   I have no doubt that most on here have said things to their wife's and the wife has not really fully understood it and Visa Versa.

Remember it was not a month ago that she had been granted her visa application, presumably the next stage in citizenship, so she being Chinese, she wants to go back home and show everyone what a good choice she has made.  Hence the need to splash the cash to prove this to family and friends who may have poo hoo'ed the idea in the first place.  Hopefully it is that and not just a need to get back to to she did have before.

Maybe the fact that John has to work 7 days a week to provide for them may be problem lots of work and maybe not a lot left at the end of it.

We do not know but as we know this is not the first time that John has encountered problems with this relationship.  Maybe you all are right when you say make her change or call it a day I do not know as I have never had a failed marriage,  (well not yet so far. ::) ) so it is hard for me to comment on that part but I am certain of one thing that John is very much in love and would do anything for this women, maybe that is  not recipricated  by both parties.

I hope that his silence on here since his last updating of this thread means that he and her are now back in contact and have resolved this current problem.

To make something work has to be from both sides.  I can see nothing positive in the 'Make her do as you say or ditch her attitude' that does seem to prevail on such occasions.

Willy
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on September 21, 2013, 05:51:00 am
Well guys, Last night MinYing gave me a late call from HK airport, Her mood had changed and she was ok, My reply to her was blunt like she treated me before, now i think it was childish to play her at her game, I woke this-morning and looked at my phone, no missed calls or messages, She should have arrived at Beijing airport around 10;30 last night, I waited until around 10 am and then I could not resist to call her as i was worried, Her phone was switched off, Then i remembered that she has no international roaming on her phone so she must have used the WI FI at HK airport, Anyway, 12 pm came and she gave me a message on QQ, she was at the family home and she was fine and told me that she misses me, i told her the same, hopefully things are good now .
i thank everyone for their comments since posting last night, I dont give my wife an "allowance" as we have a joint account and she is free to do what she wants, MinYing also has been working here and i never ask her how much she gets or what she spends it on, My weekly pay is used for the roof over our heads and weekly living costs, food, bills ect, as for me working 7 days a week this is true, i have had 2 days rest in the last 8 weeks or so, I have a small business installing commercial windows and doors and now there is more work than me and my partner can handle during the week so we have to work weekends, It was not so long ago that the work dried up and I had no personal income for 3 months so this hurt me financially , now the work is there i will make as much money as i can, I left for work at 6 this-morning and arrived home at 5pm, but tomorrow i will rest, MinYing knows that I do like to keep busy and maybe the last few months have been difficult as we only have had a few hours together each day, i understand this.
As for my friend in Ningbo I deleted her from QQ, so no more contact with her,  I think with me working so many hours and her being alone sometimes she does feel homesick, I know i would if i was in a foreign country.
I explained AGAIN that I have spent around 4 months with her on my 7 or 8 trips to china and it was at great expense and also i came to be with her every time and never saw another woman.
Maybe one of her friends have been whispering in her ear, this is a possibility, She talks a lot to friends on QQ, maybe someone is saying that her foreign husband should give everything that she wants, i dont know.
As for going home and splashing the cash around, I gave her what we can afford at this moment, She also has the money from her job, I never see her buy anything with her pay so i think she has saved the money , We want to go to Thailand in January so i need to conserve some funds for this holiday too.
Im not ready to give up, this is the last thing on my mind right now, I will see how she is over the next few weeks and hopefully some time with the family will do her good.
Another thing about money, She told me that I took her debit card from her months ago, I told her that i never did this and emptied the contents of my wallet on the table and to my surprise there it was, She told me that she left it on the kitchen table and i took it, All i can think of is that i thought it was mine and put it in my wallet as im always leaving my card on the table after i give it to my son or daughter if they need it, i never looked at the name on the card just must have picked it up, my bad, I also have an old account which my ex pays her child support in to, I never closed this account as my son will be 18 soon and then the child support would stop, too much hassle to change accounts with child support so i left it active, she thought that i had a secret stash in this account so i showed her on the computer then she could see that there is minimum monies here and she was ok with this, I dont understand why to keep bottled up inside and not ask straight away, it just makes your mind think the worst,.
Anyway, things look rosy again and i hope they stay this way, John.

 
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: fivetrout on September 21, 2013, 06:37:04 am
The one fact is clear...John is getting hurt. Whether she is doing it, or he is doing it to himself. She may have good reasons (in her mind) to lash out at him...insecurity, need for face, homesick, whatever. But that doesn't change the fact at how she's handling it! She chooses to inflict damage, rather then having a meeting of the minds and souls. This marriage has huge problems, and the fact John seems in the dark as to why she is acting out this way makes things worst. That being said, there are those here...that are defenders of these ladies under almost any circumstances, but most of us measure the quality of women by their actions, the willingness to communicate, and compassion. John has lost the ability to be the man and lead his marriage as in traditional roles. She has seized the opportunity to challenge him, and claim what she can. She is pushing and testing him and so now is the time for John to define what is acceptable and what is not! No man needs to tolerate her brat behavior, but it will continue unless he exerts a strong family leadership! 
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on September 21, 2013, 09:28:27 am
Well John.   I for one is pleased that you got things sorted once again. 

Take no heed of those that say you should teach her a lesson!

You decide what way you go as you are the guy who loves this women no one else.  I await to see what these other decide should they have any similar problems in the future.

Willy
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: shaun on September 21, 2013, 09:43:17 am
I'm glad to see that you are working things out John.

I know there are differing opinions here and just a blanket teach her a lesson is not always a good course of action.  There are reasons why she acts the way she is acting.  A lot of it is cultural a lot is other Chinese women telling her that she should be able to act this way.  The best thing to do is to understand before you react.  Maxx's 24 hour rule really applies here.

Min Ying is not about to completely shoot herself in the foot on this issue.  Many of these women continually test their boundaries with their western men.  They don't understand us.

I think that a man standing his ground without understanding the dynamic of what is going on in the female mindset is as ridiculous and how the woman is acting.

Understanding, strategizing, and setting a milder course of action does not make a man any less of a man.  It makes him a better man and will lead him to a better relationship with his wife.

Understanding western men is at best difficult just as it is with us understanding Asian women.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: fivetrout on September 21, 2013, 12:03:18 pm
A SOLUTION: A Chinese/American WOMAN counselor. Maybe then the issues on both sides will come to light?
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: IrishGuy65 on September 21, 2013, 02:05:17 pm
Some of you may want to read, and re-read, this thread:  http://www.chnromance.com/index.php/topic,3627.0.html (http://www.chnromance.com/index.php/topic,3627.0.html)

I know my first thoughts were sa jiao in this case.  i think the link provided by Peter Arnold in that thread really helps explain a lot about Chinese women and some of their actions.   Whether or not this is the reason behind MinYing's actions or not, it will be helpful to reacquaint with the idea of sa jiao.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on September 21, 2013, 04:22:31 pm
As one of the "hawks" here on this specific issue of John's dilemma, I still reserve the right to disagree with the "doves" who advocate abdication of the problem in a short term "reconciliation.

Unless and until, the core issue has been exposed, discussed, compromised and agreed, the act of abdication has simply put a band aid on the problem, it has done nothing to identify or resolve the issue.

There will be a "next" time for all this, I am certain.

Wrap it all up in platitudes if you will, push it all under the table if you will...but nothing is fixed.

Whatever the acknowleged differences between the two cultures, one thing remains common to both and that is the absolute need for a couple of any particular set of cultures to have and demonstrate a level of mutual respect.

I have met this hurdle in my own relationship several times in the past and I know (in my experience) that a firm (not brutal) hand is required to establish and reinforce the husband and wife model.

My wife is not ever going to get away with emotional tantrums and/or blackmail...I dont care whether she is Chinese or Martian...it aint gonna fly within a partnership...cultural differences often get used as the easy option to avoid doing something.......

By all means obey the 24 hr rule, by all means make allowances for all the negative feelings that a woman newly seperated from her traditional home, family and culture will have, by all means be prepared to be flexible and generous with your dealings with this issue.........but that dont mean losing your own perspective or losing the right to have some respect reciprocated by your partner.

There is just as much cultural clash for a Man bringing a Woman from a different World into his life as there is for the Woman leaving her previous life to achieve this.

Marriage to anyone is NOT a zero sum game...if the strategy seeks winners and losers....everybody loses.

Lastly, I dont find your comments helpful here Willy.....others here HAVE faced these specific issues, and we are trying to give John a range of options for HIM to eventually decide what strategy to employ to fix the issues once and for all....but nobody suggests that he is the first, or will be the last to have to deal with such "stuff"

One clear and over-riding consideration is extremely relevant in these circumstances....whatever anybody decides as a resolution model, it is very difficult to proceed to a MUTUALLY acceptable situation where one partner is convinced that the other is cheating...whether this is by accidentally taking a credit card, being accused of stashing away secret money, having an extra-marital affair......or whatever.

The basic premise is that she appears not to trust John or his motives and for my money, THAT is the real problem. You have some genuine problems moving on from that issue.

The first time Ming suggests that my motives and actions represent my perceived need to cheat her, is a signal that we are in real trouble. For her to even think that way would for me be the death of our relationship. Melodramatic...yes, realistic...absolutely. We have discussed this together IN DEPTH and she well knows my attitude on this.

So, Willy, you cant abdicate advice about this to a snide reference to"other peoples" ability to face it and deal with it if and when the time comes.

John shared his problems with us, we are trying to help him in whatever way each of us individually we can.

The taking of advice and tha acting upon it is not mandatory. The giving of it IS in a Forum such as ours.

Just my 2 cents worth !!!!
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on September 21, 2013, 09:23:29 pm
A SOLUTION: A Chinese/American WOMAN counselor. Maybe then the issues on both sides will come to light?
Why American. John is in Australia?

Yes point taken David E. Maybe my giving advice on the marital situations such as this is not something I should give as all I have is 70 odd years of experience of married life from afar.  Never having gone through even one before now, let alone the 2, 3, 4 and even more times that some members have.  However in those years I have seen many marriages end and some of those have been for stupid almost pathetic reasons.  My only thoughts are you have to work on a marriage, not to become a dictator.

My line of answers was, as in the past is not to hide the issue away or put it off, it was simply to wait and see if we can ascertain what the core problem is.

My own opinion is that there is insecurity on both sides here caused by what has gone ahead between them.  Him fearing that he will lose a beautiful wife who he loves I suspect is high on his mind and her fearing that he will find another women due to his previous escapades in chatting to others and 'mistakenly' taking away her card etc.

There was nothing snide in my remark. I do not wish it on anyone but if something similar ever happens to those with the 'do it my way or not at all attitude' then I, and possibly others, would be interested to see whether they follow their own advice or not or is their advice purely given in the safety of distance from the event in a man's man way!.  Most members of this forum have been married more than once before. Often the wife has as well, that in itself can cause insecurity on both sides.

Everyone seems to have a preconceived opinion as to HER reasons for this to have occurred.  Not one has looked at the reasons he may have given her.  There are two sides to everything.

Willy
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: fivetrout on September 21, 2013, 09:34:12 pm
Well, you get the jest...intervention from a professional.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: fivetrout on September 21, 2013, 09:42:02 pm
And John E is absolutely correct! These are all symptoms of a serious underlying problem. Hoping things will improve, or having it go bad one day and then good another is any sort of a solution. John has given away all the power to her, and now she can play him anyway she chooses. Mutual respect is not a two way street here, and so he need to define to himself...where to draw the line.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on September 21, 2013, 11:40:57 pm
Guys, I have read everyone's response to my latest posts, The reason I have posted here is to receive advice from all of you who have been is similar situations or just have good advice, I am not ready to give up as I love this woman with all my heart, It is true that there are a million+ women in China who would be be a good wife for me and I am sure that there are a million plus for all of us there, MinYing is the one that I chose to go to be with many times, at great expense financially and emotionally, Different culture will play a big piece in the relationship of all of us and communication is the big key, I went in to this a bit blind, did a bit of research of Chinese women on the internet and had a few great Chinese girlfriends here so i thought i was prepared, WRONG.
Today my wife got a Chinese phone card for her phone and sent me a message on QQ, I asked for her number and called her, I thought her response to me was a little cold, no "hello darling or hello lao gong, just hello", I asked if she was unhappy and she told me she was happy then said she was with a friend and she had to go, that was all.
I have decided to give this time to contemplate my future, I will go to China to teach English with or without her, If i dont then I will always have it in the back of my mind wondering if I have made the right choice.
I have 2 weeks here alone to think and communicate with my wife via QQ and phone, It is in my mind that if things do not change then I will cancel her return trip to Australia, not to teach her a lesson but let her think of what she wants out of life and if I am to be a part of it, At this moment i hope I hope she returns and I dont have to put up with emotional blackmail, I know that she has access to this site and reads my posts often but I dont think she has read the latest, Maybe she can see how I am feeling.
One thing is going through my mind now, Is my love affair with my wife only or with China too?, Every time I went there 8 or 9 times, I always insisted that we travel, This time 3 years ago I was on the "great wall", Just met MinYing 3 days earlier and was utterly fascinated with China, The friendliness of the people and the chaos of daily life, I have China in my thoughts every day, Here I just go to work and come home to relax, Not a good life.
Well, I will see how things go over the next few weeks and go from there, I will see how the conversations and attitude go and then make my decision, I hope to see her again , John>
   
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JustJim on September 21, 2013, 11:56:46 pm
I have been reading this thread with some interest in everyone's opinions.

I have used this forum just as a help to achieve my goals and I have so far avoided giving any opinions to anyone's situation.

My feeling here is that I decided to seek out a woman in China because I wanted a better quality woman.  I didn't go to China because I was "a lesser man..."  I think you all know what I mean.

My point is that no matter what I do I still need to be a "man."  I am sure that means different things to different people but to me it means that I have worked on myself, I have worked on my character, I have sought to improve myself.  Like someone else said here, I see myself as the "prize." 

There are many resources on the internet for forums and advice on how to be a better person, a better man, a better husband.  I think if we don't work at these things we might alienate even the best woman.  Actually, especially the best woman.

Even with cultural differences I think that men and women still respond in similar basic ways.  So, having a Chinese wife does not mean that I can then stop trying to improve myself.  It doesn't mean that I can attach the emotional hose to her and suck all the life out of her.

I am not saying, in any way, that John is doing any of this...   all I am saying is that we all owe it to ourselves to do the work on ourselves that needs to be done.  If we don't we will find ourselves in unhappy relationships. 
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: fivetrout on September 22, 2013, 09:39:01 am
"" I am not ready to give up as I love this woman with all my heart""

Boy that hit home with me! I remember being at that stage with an alcoholic. The question you need to ask John: Is she deserving of all that love you carry for her, and does she return a similar love back to you? Or do you give more and more of yourself...hoping it will reflect back, but she fails? Some people can't truly allow themselves to be loved, and therefor can't reciprocate.  Does she gravitate towards you normally or push you away... emotionally? These are questions you need to ask. DO NOT become that emotional hose JustJim spoke of. It will take you to places below even HELL itself!

Time spent alone now is probably the best for both now to define who each of you are in the relationship.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Martin on September 22, 2013, 11:46:30 am
One of the problems...a huge problem I had in my marriage, was the language barrier.  I dont know how much this plays into this situation, but it is really difficult on a relationship, when there are issues, and they cant be discussed easily.  Often there are miscommunications, and bad translations.  In my own failed marriage with a Chinese woman, this was one of several issues that I was faced with, that caused a quick breakdown in the relationship. 

I wish you the best of luck, and hope you are able to work your way through things.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: yvictor on September 22, 2013, 05:26:42 pm
I cannot agree with those who say 'teach her a lesson' and 'you made her a favor to bring her out of China, you can easily find another one if you want to'.
Neither of these help fixing the problem and improving the relationship, on the contrary.
Unless you see your wife as equal, with both benefiting from the relationship, the above approach will just ruin the relationship sooner or later.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: fivetrout on September 22, 2013, 09:01:37 pm
Odd the way some here are saying to those of us... that preach traditional family roles. And that we are suggesting... "teach her a lesson" "my way or the hwy" " nail her to a cross" and lastly, the last post from Yvictor..."Unless you see your wife as equal". WTF? True we don't understand John role has been in all of this, but he has asked for our opinions and has described her reply's and actions. Most of us here can identify with some of these from past failed relationships and find them totally un-acceptable!

A woman needs to be strong in her role, as well as support the man of the house. He provides leadership and compassion in most situations. She mirrors, and supports him after having discussed things when require both. Mutual respect is a given. The household is supported by the expertise that both carry with their strengths... and usually by gender. The family is a living, breathing, composition created by both!

One or the both aren't participating in creation of a healthy family unit. And by interpretation of Johns own words...it is she.

Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on September 22, 2013, 09:44:29 pm
Maybe we should really cut to the chase here on the subject of relationships.

It is too simplistic to see John's (and anybody's) problems as who is the boss, who has most to lose, who is right and who is wrong.

For those of you who have interest in the real issues within relationships I suggest you get hold of Matt Ridley's book "The Origins of Virtue" and in particular, carefully read the chapters on "The Prisoners Dilemma"...here you will see the pathways along which relationships issues tend to develop...and believe me, they really do follow these patterns.

Resolution of most partnership problems requires both parties to draw a line in the sand and re-state the "Game" To continue with any open or hidden issues unresolved simply puts off the next explosion for a little while. Kiss and make it better sounds OK..but as long term relationship building goes it is crap.

I have had a failed marriage...and I passionately dont want another, most of us here have at least one busted marriage, some more than that...and Willy dont have any !!! ;D ;D ;D...so I decided to get serious and try to understand more about the dynamics of relationships so that I could do my bit to help avoid another failure.

What I did learn along the way (by way of a Degree in Behavioural Psychology) is that somebody has got to Take Charge and be responsible for driving an adapted (one which both can agree upon) change , rather than a coerced (one that is imposed by either) change. If there is no room or will to drive an adapted change for whatever reason, chances of successful recovery are very slim for the long haul.

Often the sheer act of taking charge means that someone has to get tough...not necessarily emotionally brutal, but nevertheless a firm hand is needed.

In the "Prisoners Dilemma", when faced with joint problems, the most often taken way out is for both parties to defect (the marriage fails), because the "pay-off" in this solution is not enough to warrant the more "expensive" Strategy of cooperation in their joint or individual opinion.

I guess of course that every problematic relationship is unique, but in that uniqueness lies a common thread.....

To fix immediate problems (the band-aid solution) is TACTICS....to fix a broken relationship requires a STRATEGY.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on September 22, 2013, 09:49:03 pm
I cannot agree with those who say 'teach her a lesson' and 'you made her a favor to bring her out of China, you can easily find another one if you want to'.
Neither of these help fixing the problem and improving the relationship, on the contrary.
Unless you see your wife as equal, with both benefiting from the relationship, the above approach will just ruin the relationship sooner or later.

I agree with this comment. 

As Martin says the biggest problem is language.   Each thinking the other understands them when in  fact neither has a clear indication of what the other actual has said or intended to say.

There again some people after a hasty marriage soon realise that they have made a mistake, be it man or woman.  Since being here I have known marriages that have fallen apart within a couple of months when one or both parties have realised that they should have waited a bit longer before taking the plunge with that particular person.  Some marry within days of stepping off the plane - a recipe for disaster. :'(

OK not everyone can be in the position I was in and could be here several months, courting (now that's an old fashion word) my now wife. But apart from doing it that way the more solid marriages are those where the man has made several trips to and from before marrying.

Willy
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: fivetrout on September 22, 2013, 11:43:20 pm
I fully understand that I will be walking a tightrope when Hong meets me at the airport Wednesday. We will have two days before marriage. I have spent two long years getting to know her the best I can. However, she should know me very well as I am the communicator. I have spent a lot of time alone getting to know my own self, and I understand and know what I bring to the table in the way of patience, trust, commitment, compassion, and loyalty. Recently Hong told me "I understand your heart fully" and that's why she has been entirely committed to me too, and wishes to marry. Developing lasting love will take some time and will be only come after tested hardships between us., I know that, and hope she understands that too. I will give her a lot of space for change and growth, but I also know my own limits as to how far I am willing to bend. We both desired real changes in our lives...BRING IT ON! ;D
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on September 23, 2013, 12:59:33 am
As you say 'Bring It On' I hope it does go well for you.

Face to face is more important than any amount of previous contact.   I came to China in 2009 with all my documents in hand with that same resolve after a long time talking by phone by video and any other possible way. However before the first week ended we both knew that we were not really meant to be, but if we had been married in those first few days then I have no doubt I would have had my first marriage and first divorce by now!

I stayed not just because I liked the place and the ladies but I also knew that I probably could not put up with the enforced absence that most guys go through with the long wait, after marrying, before being together permanently.

Willy

Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Martin on September 23, 2013, 07:04:22 am
Like Willy says, face to face is more important than any previous contact. I got married one week after arriving in China. We had daily communication by way of Skype, MSN messenger, QQ, and phone. What we didn't have, was the day to day little things. Knowing another person online is different than knowing them in person. I am not trying to dissuade you from getting married right away fivetrout, however, be prepared for some work. I was just like you...I knew my lady well. I got married one week after I arrived. Just be prepared, patient, and ready for some challenges.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: maxx on September 23, 2013, 09:40:40 am
Face to face contact is more important than any other previous contact.Willy Well put.I think this needs to be one of the rules. It's short and to the point.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JohnB on September 23, 2013, 09:35:00 pm
I think it best to let this thing shake itself into whatever, within the next 2 weeks John has mentioned. He has to let evolve his 'comfort' zone with MinYing to understand the nature of this dilemma of his. 
The thread got a little weird. Militancy be damned when all John is trying to do the moment is fathom what the f*ck went wrong. We all witness the surface tensions, but we need to discover the actual underpinnings of John's problem before any constructive correction action is considered.
While I agree that the 'face to face' contact is a must (necessary chemistry. He/ She as in now We), communication is next of importance. Martin, Willy Maxx & others have attested to that.  There are not any fixes to any problems of the human relationship kind if communication is faulted. Failure will be imminent.

Jing & I were married on 'short' notice (See above^ 'necessary chemistry'). The thing is we are still having our personal discoveries of the other. We suffered a few pitfalls, but communication is good. We work our problems as they present. Things are better for us.
Now, my 1st wife & I, we knew each other/ lived together, for a bit over 4 years. She somehow managed to sequester her farts that pre- marriage period of time (most likely, 'Beano'). I did not suffer the whole time. After we married, it was not long before she stunk up the bathrooms. How was I suppose to know? I thought I knew everything 1st wife. 4 years?

Hey, 5- Trout. Are you going to China in camouflage?

DavidE, all knowledge good but conflicted depending on who is selling what. I present you with a truism. The 'less needy' spouse is the stronger of the two
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: fivetrout on September 23, 2013, 10:06:25 pm
JohnB...do you mean by camouflage, under the radar, no fanfare...quietly? I guess yes. I've absorbed a lot here and think I'm ready without too many questions. At present, downloading Jibbigo two-way voice translation I can use off-line. It seems my company phone is locked and therefor google voice translate it not an option.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on September 24, 2013, 03:22:24 am
Now things seem to be back to normal, Im getting many messages on QQ every day saying how she is missing me, Even the video calls"papa takes the phone from her and wants to talk to me", love her family so much , she seems to be happy now, no-more bad ,messages, I will still give it time and if she reverts to the way she was before she left then I will cancel her return trip and let her stew, I dont think i am a bad husband, I work, pay the bills, we go out whenever I am not working and see different things, go for breakfast often, Dinner occasionally , I cook often and do the washing and housework, what else does a woman want ???, I am so different from the normal "Chinese man", I respect her always and comment on the way she looks and dresses every time we go out together, "she always looks good".
I will wait a few days and then have a good conversation with her on QQ and find-out what she now expects of me and my financial commitment to her and her family, I can only give what i can afford and and if i think it is unreasonable then i will not give anything, I have to support myself/her and my son here, I have too look-after my own first, if she dont like it, BAD LUCK, that's the way its going to be, save face in front of her friends or not, i have to "and am willing", to adapt to her cultural beliefs and she should do the same.
Apart form this latest outburst, she is a wonderful woman, loving and caring, good company and my best friend, I dont want to loose her but I am not willing to give in to the emotional blackmail, My line in the sand is drawn, if she is willing to cross it, then things will not pan-out the way she wants them, I will not stand for any-more shit, John.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on September 24, 2013, 06:34:32 pm
DavidE, all knowledge good but conflicted depending on who is selling what. I present you with a truism. The 'less needy' spouse is the stronger of the two.

Undoubtably correct.....

It is immesurably healthier (emotionally) to be in a relationship based on "want to be"...rather than one where "need to be" prevails.

"Needy" can lead to a parasitic relationship, can lead to issues of validation, self-worth and such dark places  ;D ;D  If you are where you want to be............simply because you want to be there, then you got the best of all Worlds.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on October 19, 2013, 04:08:05 am
MinYing has been home for 2 weeks now, It was a happy reunion at Perth airport, I expected a look of dis-approval but she was happy to see me, {I WAS HAPPY TOO}, She told me that she wants a husband and not a work-aholic, I can appreciate this, I explained to her that the last 4 months of the year were always busy for me and I have no choice but to work 7 days a week, I will take the occasional Sunday off but not too many.
Her affection has changed for the better and she shows this every day, Every day i come home and she greets me at the door, asks me if i am hungry and cooks whether i am hungry or not, She brought me gifts from Beijing, a few Chinese pens, which i like very much and she snuck 6 bottles or Chinese whiskey in her case and did not declare it at the airport  ;).
She also brought a few new dresses, which she looks stunning in,
She has landed a new job locally and started today, I know she is not happy to be a "house wife", and stay at home always, i cant stay home myself, it drives me crazy.
She had a great time with the family and her father asked why she came alone and not with me, I get on great with the family, I only wish i could have gone with her, I do miss the hospitality of these wonderful people, maybe early next year we will go to visit again.
Anyway, it all looks rosy  now and i hope it stays this way, I know that i have a few things to learn myself about the different culture and have to stop being "the boss" and just accept that she is an individual and i must compromise, I want this relationship to be my last, I can be pig-headed often but must change my attitude, I dont want to loose her.
 
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: yvictor on October 25, 2013, 03:56:20 pm
That's excellent news, John - from your previous posts I was worried you have a big crisis ahead of you, but it's good it turns out to be nothing to worry about.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on April 05, 2015, 09:05:17 am
so long between posting, this site and my wife have changed so mch, im asking for HELP,
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Philip on April 05, 2015, 09:46:36 am
What's happening, John?
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on April 05, 2015, 06:21:50 pm
so long between posting, this site and my wife have changed so mch, im asking for HELP,

John

If I or Ming can be of any help to you...you just gotta ask. Ming and I have weathered a few storms along the way, and somehow stumbled through it all.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on April 05, 2015, 09:41:52 pm
its not all been a bed of roses as you know from my previous posts, now she has her PR, and recently a drivers licence, she went in to partnership in a shop with her Chinese friend without first consulting me, she works 7 days a week and i see her for maybe 1 hour each day, she is so secretive with everything she does, she brought the shop back in late December so it is now 3 months since we spent some time together, I cant have friends, im not allowed to talk to anyone, if a message comes to my phone she is looking over my shoulder to see who it is from, if i get a phone call she demands that she knows who i am talking to whilst im on the phone, if she gets a call, which is every minute it seems she goes outside and talks for 20--30 minutes at a time, it seems that there are 2 sets of rules.
When she lived in China i brought her a TV, which she gave away, I brought her an English-Chinese translator 5,500 RMB which she gave away, I brought her a laptop, which she gave away, now she complains her friends  husbands buy them what they want and why i dont do the same !!!!, i also brought her an I pad which she complained it was too small, i cant win....
She knew of my dream to become an English teacher before we was married, now she tells me that she has no intention of returning to China with me for my job, I kept all of the emails that were sent between us and and showed her the ones where i stated my intentions, she now denies writing any of these ones.
Around 4 months ago, my kids came over for dinner as they usually do on a Thursday night, She poured herself a glass of red wine and i knew it was going to be a fun night as she cant hold her liquor, I was watching TV with the kids and she sent me a text message, from 8 feet away, i left it fo a few minutes then reached for my phone to see what she wrote, it was then that she sprung from her seat and grabbed the phone and accused me of getting a message from a girlfriend ??????, she threw the phone at the wall and destroyed it, bye bye Iphone 5, then threw a glass against the wall.... then she proceeded to pour another glass of wine which i quickly took away from her, I sat at the kitchen table with my daughter and future son-in-law when she came to me and put her hands around my throat and squeezed as hard as she could and said she wanted me dead, i just stared at her and did nothing, she was subdued by my son-in-law, my daughter freaked out, Minying then went to bed, my daughter got every knife, fork and any other weapon she could find and locked them in the car as fear of her killing me in my sleep, next day she acted as nothing happened.
Im really at my wits end, i don't know what to do about her, i need help.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: fivetrout on April 05, 2015, 10:29:10 pm
WHOA! This woman is angry, very angry! This goes beyond marriage counseling. Sorry to hear.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Willy The Londoner on April 06, 2015, 03:20:13 am
John

You had a lot of mixed advice 18 months ago.  That was when you were working long hours. Now the boot is on the other foot.

Personally I doubt that she went into this new business with the intention of you being able to cut down on your working hours or to give you both a better standard of living.

The only other alternative was to give her something to do which again I doubt.

To me it does sound more like a woman who is striving towards complete independence! 

You had some advice back in 2013 maybe it is time to consider it now.

Plus now it looks like she could, at some time, cause you really serious harm.   You do not have to live with that threat hanging over you. 

To me I would think that a broken heart is far more repairable than one with a knife in it. :'(

She performed this latest outburst in front of your family which will give you good grounds for a divorce.

The best thing I ever did was move to China in 2009. ;)   

Consider coming here to teach but DO NOT make any on-line commitments before you get here.  Get yourself a real 'courting' experience this time. Find out what the woman is really like.

Willy



Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Philip on April 06, 2015, 04:06:50 am
John, this is classic abuser behaviour, like when husbands get drunk, beat up their wives, then pretend like nothing's happened the next day.  Last time around, you wanted to draw a line in the sand. She has crossed it and then some. Are you going to keep drawing lines or are you going to say that's enough (and mean it)? If it is finished (and for your health, sanity, family and bank balance, it SHOULD be finished), calmly and carefully plan an exit strategy to get rid of her. Don't consult with her, negotiate, plead or deal. Just let her know what will happen when you have got everything planned and ready. She does not deserve any comeback.
Hopefully this latest bout of psycho behaviour has convinced you that she has dangerous tendencies. Even if you still love her, she is abusing your good nature. It can only end badly if she stays; it can only get worse, and not just for you, for the rest of your family.
Sorry you have had to go through this experience. Keep strong and better luck next time!
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: kenny on April 06, 2015, 09:35:30 am
Willy and Philip gave good advise, I think it would be very hard to divorce a woman after all we have gone through getting them into our country and lives but you have no choice. Your daughter will never be able to accept her as a part of the family after seeing something like that.

I have always taught my sons that you dont ever put your hands on a woman in anger, but by god that is a two way street. The fact that she did this in front of your kids is unbeliveable. Give her the independence she wants so bad and move on. You deserve much better than this!
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: Pineau on April 06, 2015, 01:01:48 pm
John, you got a bad apple. No matter how much you lover her and regret the way is is going you need to cleanse your life and start fresh.  Like me you are two nice a guy to protect yourself. 

I changed myself out of necessity to  protection myself . You need to find the dark side of your personalty. That is what you need to save yourself. Otherwise she is going to dominate you forever. Or worse, devour all you have and destroy your family. 

Fight back. But plan it , get an attorney to sort this out and come up with a winning strategy. Do not reveal your plans until its time for the first blow. Hopefully it will take only one blow to end it and free yourself.  Don't wait too long.   And don't let her have the first punch. Surprise is key to victory.

Do you think she is not planning her strategy now?  You think getting rid of you is not a daily topic among her and her friends?
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: yvictor on April 06, 2015, 06:28:35 pm
Sad story...
What I would do:
1. File official police complaint and get restraining order for physical violence and destroying your property.
2. Divorce.
3. Move to China, follow your dream, don't marry again.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: David E on April 06, 2015, 06:39:28 pm
John

I dont think it is YOU that needs help....it is HER !!!!!!!

The Woman appears to be completely unhinged and her motives would seem to be all about driving you both apart.....for whatever reasons she (and/or her mates ) have in mind for the future.

There appears little hope of rescuing this relationship emotionally so you just MUST begain preperations for the inevitable separation/divorce.

I think it is essential that you quickly get some legal advice and start a formal documentation of the issues you have described here. Your Lawyer will advise what is the best strategy, whether this be a VRO or a seperation will be up to him to advise.

There is a very real possibility that you can come to harm under such a regime as she appears to operate under...dont take this risk.

I suspect that she may be goading you into leaving, so she can have possesion rights in any future settlement...dont do this either !!!!

Either which way, the situation is now out of your hands and out of your control. It is esential that you take positive steps to protect yourself, your family and your assets from this monster.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: JohnB on April 06, 2015, 10:03:14 pm
Well John, you have a lot of good friends here with good advice. 

It is a difficult time in your life. After the latest episode I think maybe time to rethink your situation
before your good health fails.
You love MinYing but your latest situation reads untenable. I do not know if/why she is goading you
into a confrontation or if she requires professional help. I suppose if it were me, I'd ask MinYing to
have a 'pow- wow', with the idea of inviting her best friend or confident being there for her, and of
course, you do the same with some close friend of yours. It is the time to ask questions unclouded
by emotions. 

Obviously you just can not run away to China. First things first, you need to figure out your real
situation before you react.
Reality can be a bitch or better yet, a blessing in disguise.

I wish you well.
Title: Re: my love story
Post by: john1964 on April 07, 2015, 03:05:42 am
Thanks for the advice guys, Willie, you are correct about me working long hours before but that was when my wife only had a casual job so i had no choice but to work to support her and my teenage son but i was always home by 3pm every day and we would go places together, my wife is home around 8-9pm every day so we have no time to go out to dinner or see family.
Last night when she arrived home she told me that her car needed petrol, i said i dont drive it, it is your car so you can pay for it, that didnt go down well haha, i dont mind filling the car with fuel but she just expects me to do everything with no help from her, ill get a text every-so-often telling me where to go and what to buy, i even go to her shop for maintenance/repairs and im always the one who puts my hand in my pocket, things have changed from before her visa was granted, she always offered to pay and helped me a lot in the early days.
I went to see my parents yesterday and my father commented that im back to square one again, i was alone when she lived in China and im alone again now !!, true words, I am alone.
Philip, you are correct, many lines have been drawn in the sand , they have all been crossed, i keep letting this happen, im sitting here now thinking that i sound like one of those abused women , "i love him, he will change", your all right, i need an escape plan.
Im not just going to run away to China, ive made it clear to her that i will go alone if needed, she tells me that she will live in her shop if this happens, The first thing is for my son to get a job and be independent,"thorn in my side", sort out my business and then plan to go to China.
John B, my wife would never agree to a pow wow, she would never tell her friends of any dilemma as she is too secretive, ill just keep my distance and plan my moves, ill try to be the good husband and hope i dont upset her again, thanks guys, John,